ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When we asked people what their top ten slasher movies were, we got plenty of great responses. Kris is one of my oldest friends and if you ever have a question about Japanese pro wrestling, the band Wilco or Earth-2, he definitely knows the answer. If you want to follow him, he’s on Twitter,Facebook and Instagram.
I have made it clear on my show Wake Up Heavy that Slashers were not my “thing” when I was younger. I gravitated more toward possession (The Evil Dead) and cult (Rosemary’s Baby) films and the weird and surreal like Tourist Trap* and Phantasm. I don’t think I saw any of the Friday the 13thfilms until 1985 when I watched The Final Chapter on VHS at a sleepover. As a teenager my favorite of the first three Halloween films was Halloween III: The Season of the Witch, which is probably the most telling thing I can say about my relationship with the sub-genre. When I saw the original A Nightmare on Elm Street it was the surreal dream imagery, not Freddy Kreuger, that appealed to me. I avoided, or wasn’t interested in, the massive glut of Slashers (and their sequels) from the “Golden Age” but in the last five or six years I have been trying to fill in this personal horror blind spot.
That’s why I had to chuckle to myself when Sam asked if I would do a Top Ten Slasher Films list for his site. Because of my history, I told him, it’ll be a strange list. And it won’t be a THESE ARE THE BEST SLASHER films list. This is simply MY Top Ten based on my weird predilections.
I found it helpful to set some boundaries for myself for fear of falling down a very deep slasher rabbit hole. I avoided gialli, and other foreign copy-cats, as well as most of the proto-slashers (Peeping Tom, Psycho, Bay of Blood, TCSM, et al). I found this loose guideline from PasteMagazine helpful (Slasher villains are human, Slasher films have a body count, and Home Invasion films are not Slashers), and, except for a few instances, I followed these boundaries and guidelines.
Without further ado here’s My Top Ten Slasher Films List…
10. Pieces (1982): Anything that compared itself to TCSMwas NOT in my wheelhouse. Hell, I didn’t watch Hooper’s classic until I was in my late 20s! And here I am already abandoning one of my own guidelines with the first movie, but hey, it’s supposed to take place in Boston, so it gets a pass. These are just a few of the amazing things Pieces features: one of the best movie taglines, horror mainstays Christopher and Linda Day George, a random Kung Fu attack, a pig carcass substituting for a showering co-ed, and a surprise ending to rival that of Sleepaway Camp’s.
9. Happy Birthday to Me (1981): A lot of Slasher fans don’t like this one, but I dig it. Directed by J. Lee Thompson (most known, to me at least, for his sleazy flicks with Charles Bronson) and starring Glen Ford, Susan Acker, and Melissa Sue Anderson this one is kind of a mess. The ending was changed at the last minute and makes no sense, but for me that’s part of the charm. The set-piece kills are fun, there’s an SFX obsessed character, and it’s Canadian! A lot of the characters are assholes though, which keeps it further down this list.
8. The Burning(1981): One of a BAJILLION campground Slashers from the early ‘80s The Burning is most famous for ONE scene that features some stellar Savini wet works. What stands out for me is the great cast: Jason Alexander (with HAIR), Fisher Stevens, Brian Backer, and a blink-and-you’ll-miss-her Holly Hunter. It’s also one of the few Summer Camp films that shows the counselors and kids actually doing Summer Camp stuff!
7. Don’t Go in the House (1979): Gotta admit, this one is pretty ugly. The violence towards women, a staple of the sub-genre overall, is particularly nasty here. In my initial viewing notes for this I described it as a cross between Psycho (mommy issues) and Taxi Driver (psychologically damaged anti-hero) with Dan Grimaldi’s offbeat performance front-and-center. It might be a stretch to call this one a Slasher, but it does hit the guidelines. Not for the easily offended.
6. My Bloody Valentine(1981): Another Canadian joint (you can really hear the accents in this one) and the first Holiday Horror (still waiting for a Flag Day Slasher) on my list.We’ve got all the staples of an ‘80s Slasher—a masked killer, decent amounts of gore, misdirection, humor—but instead of teenage babysitters or camp counselors we’ve got 20-something coal miners, and I like that divergence from the norm. I also enjoy the sequel if for Tom Atkins alone.
5. Sleepaway Camp (1983): What could I possibly say about this one that hasn’t been said a hundred times before? It’s mean-spirited, progressive yet transgressive and a tad perverted, the characters are foul-mouthed and ooze New Jersey charm, and it has the most bat-shit insane twist ending ever. Plus, a character has a black-tape-mustache in one scene. ‘Nuff said. Bonus points for offing the littlest of campers in one of its more disturbing scenes.
4. Alice, Sweet Alice (1976): I did a WDIRT episode on this one, which is a series for my podcast based on movies I have seen as an adult and wondered Why Didn’t I Rent This as a youngster. Alice is one of the exceptions to my proto-slasher (and possibly the giallo) rule, but it’s such an amazing little oddball film I had to include it. It’s staunchly anti-Catholic (which got it condemned by the Catholic church), stars an itty-bitty Brooke Shields, and was directed by one-time porno director Alfred Sole. The mask the killer(s) wear in this one will give you nightmares.
3. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984): I consider this my introduction to Slashers and rank it as my absolute favorite of the F13 franchise. It’s meta without the obnoxious wink-winking at the audience, has some emotional depth (Rob’s search for his sister), a great cast, Crispin Glover ripping up the dance floor, some of the best effects of the series, my favorite Jason, likeable characters, and boobies! What more could you ask for?
2. Halloween (1978): John Carpenter’s film is a stone-cold classic, it simply isn’t my top Slasher. Why isn’t it number one on my list? Because Black Christmas is.
1. Black Christmas (1974): I did an episode on Bob Clark’s other Christmas classic even though I’d never seen it as a kid. It has quickly become one of my favorite horror films in general, and my number one favorite Holiday Horror ever. Heck, one of the last times I watched it it gave this old man a nightmare! Black Christmas has earned the number one position over Halloween because, a) I think Halloween owes a lot to it, and b) BC has just a bit more going on. A bit more emotion, a bit more depth, better acting, more well-rounded characters, and a touch of the strange (Billy and those phone calls are creepy as all get out). Some people call BC a proto-slasher, but I like to think of it as the original Slasher. Also, it’s another Canadian classic!
*Tourist Trap is one of my favorite horror films, but I do not consider it a slasher per se. However, on S1E2 of Wake Up Heavy I did refer to it as a pseudo-slasher. It shares some similarities with The Texas Chain Saw Massacre which also feels different than most Slashers. More like a reverse home invasion scenario? But that may be splitting hairs. They certainly fit the guidelines I have referred to.
So there you have a novice Slasher fan’s Top Ten Slasher list. When Sam does a cult or folk-horror Top Ten I’ll be much better equipped for that!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Bill Van Ryn is the man behind the Groovy Doom and Drive-In Asylum. Whenever I have a question about a movie, he’s always my first resource. I’m so excited that he’s on board for these top tens, as his list is really well thought out and put together.
1. Halloween: I hesitate to even call this movie a “slasher”, which has certain implications that don’t really apply to a movie as well made as Halloween, but it did open the floodgates. I am old enough and lucky enough to remember when this movie was on everyone’s lips for most of 1979. Truly legendary!
2. Friday the 13th: There’s Halloween, a low budget movie made with great artistry, and then there’s this, a low budget framework for a series of gory shocks. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
3. Night School: One of the less successful early 80s slashers, this one actually has its own very interesting vibe going for it. If only it had some memorable gore shots, it may have been one of the all-time greats.
4. Terror Train: In terms of JLC’s post-Halloween slasher movies, I’ll take this over Prom Night any day. The gore factor is too low, but the characters are interesting, and actor Derek McKinnon’s dual role illusion is pretty mind blowing the first time you see the movie. He also manages to make his villain into a compelling character, something highly unusual in a film like this.
5. Maniac: The crystallization of everything Siskel & Ebert complained about when they railed against slasher movies, and also my favorite New York movie. A terrifying experience.
6. The Boogeyman:I love the way this movie recycles key moments from Halloween without actually repeating the story, or even giving its villain a body. Total bullshit, but fantastic bullshit.
7. Curtains: Early 80s slasher Curtains had a troubled childhood, maybe that’s why it’s so batshit crazy. It confirms our worst suspicions about actors and directors, both in the film’s fictional world and in its own real production history. It gets a few scares in, too, especially the creepy first murder.
8. Psycho II: This clever sequel to one of the greatest ancestors of the modern slasher is actually restrained enough to pass itself off as a “classy thriller” for most if its first half. Then a sex-havin’, pot-smokin’ teenage couple are attacked by a knife-wielding figure in a costume, and we’re not sure if this movie is a true slasher after all. Then another character is stabbed through the mouth and the knife emerges from the back of her head, and we know for sure. Damn, Mother!
9. Halloween II: I may not be comfortable calling the original a slasher movie, but Halloween II is an authentic slasher movie, full tilt boogie. Whereas Psycho II wore a respectable disguise for its first half, Halloween II starts dirty lowdown (a random, meaningless murder right after the credits) and only gets more gonzo as it goes.
10. My Bloody Valentine: One of the most underrated of the 80s, this movie is totally sinister and often gut wrenchingly sick. It’s in desperate need of compelling characters, but tries really hard in the scare department and succeeds.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Paul Andolina is the latest person to answer our challenge: what are your ten favorite slasher movies? You can learn more about the movies Paul loves at his site Wrestling with Film, which is all about pro wrestlers acting in movies. Plus, Paul also covers a lot of found footage, foreign and Christmas-related films for our site, so I’m excited to see what he picked!
Sam asked me to participate with a top ten slasher post by writing what my top ten slashers are. Here they are in no particular order. I love them all to varying degrees but I always have a fun time watching them.
My Bloody Valentine (1981):A sleepy mining town is turned upside down when they have a Valentine’s Day party on the anniversary of the Harry Warden killings. This one probably kicked off my search for holiday themed horror. My Bloody Valentine is great. The characters are all pretty interesting, especially Howard and Hollis. They are probably my favorite characters in a slasher film to date, tied with Barb from Black Christmas. Good enough to watch all year long as it seems a shame to only break out once a year. There is a 2009 remake that is probably a little too harshly maligned. It works.
Black Christmas(1974): A sorority house is being terrorized by an exceptionally vulgar phone stalker in the midst of a missing house mate and young local girl. This movie is one of the best slashers of all time in my opinion. The constant calls filled with vulgarity and violence are truly upsetting and the ways the victims are dispatched aren’t as run of the mill as some of the later entries in the slasher genre. It’s hard to believe the guy who was behind A Christmas Story (1983) was the director of this one. He also directed Baby Geniuses which was a big part of my growing up but let’s keep the memories happy here.
Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997): The Leprechaun is one of my favorite horror franchises ever, that includes Leprechaun Origins which stars Dylan “Hornswoggle” Postl. Warwick Davis is truly a gifted man, he brought so much life to the character of the leprechaun across 6 freaking entries! The reason I chose In Space among the other films is because it is off the freaking walls bizarre. A giant robot-man-spider hybrid makes an appearance, the leprechaun manifests out of a space marine’s genitals, and there is ametal domed hard ass marine Master Sergeant who gets his wires crossed and starts acting like a lady. Pair this with a sultry space princess named Zarina, and you have a truly fun movie. Who cares what Rotten Tomatoes says at least watch this once!
The Final Girls (2015): The grieving daughter of a famous B-Movie actress who starred in Camp Bloodbath attends an anniversary screening of the movie 3 years after her mom’s death. The theater catches on fire and are inexplicably sucked into the movie! This film takes the best and worst of the teens in the woods and a killer is on the loose trope and turns it into a nostalgia laden movie with a killer soundtrack. Adam Devine who plays Kurt in the movie hams it up brilliantly. Worth a watch for anyone who is a fan of comedies with a horror flair.
Scream 3 (2000): The Scream franchise has always been a bit meta and before it took being meta to an entirely new extreme in Scream 4 11 years after this one this is what fans were left with. Not many folks are big fans of this one but I am absolutely obsessed with Parker Posey. That’s in large part due to her excellent portrayal of psycho vampiress Danica Talos in Blade Trinity alongside WWE’s Triple H as Jarko Grimwood. Parker Posey needs the chance to do some more character work. Sidney Prescott visits the set of the movie Stab 3 and another Ghostface appears. I love movies set in a fictional Hollywood and this version of it is pretty scummy. I imagine the real one is just as scummy. I dare you to pull this one off the shelf next time you have an itch to visit this franchise. Also stars David Arquette who is currently blazing a new trail in the world of independent wrestling.
April Fool’s Day (1986): As you may have figured by now I have a slight obsession with films that occur on or around holidays. Muffy St. John invites some of her college friends to stay on an island during the weekend of April Fools. Her friends start turning up dead. This one is so fun. I like what it does with its story through-out its run time. I really like the character of Chaz. This one is produced by Frank Mancuso Jr. who co-created Friday the 13th and also stars Amy Steel who played Ginny in the 2ndFriday the 13th.
Jack Frost (1997): Serial killer Jack Frost is on his way to be executed when the truck carrying him crashes into another truck carrying genetic material. He turns into a mutant snowman and goes on a killing rampage. This movie is so dumb. It also happens to be a bunch of fun and spawned a somehow crazier sequel set on an island. Highly recommend a double bill of them both paired with a few frosty beers.
Nightmare Beach (1988): Sam and I share a special bond over Umberto Lenzi who may or may not be the actual director of the film. It feels like one that is close enough for me. A killer from a motorcycle gang is executed but not before he vows to return to kill again. A mysterious biker rides into town soon after with an electrifying apparatus attached to his bike. John Saxon is in this, Claudio Simonetti does the soundtrack, please go watch this film and fall into the trap of Lenzi’s kick ass filmography. Even at his worst he’s still at the top of the game.
New Year’s Evil(1980): A strange caller who calls himself Evil keeps calling into a televised New Year Musical Celebration saying he’s going to kill someone at the start of the new year from every time zone. With more red herrings than a jumbo bag of swedish fish, an extremely infectious theme song, and some slick ass costumes, you’re going to really enjoy this while boozed up during New Year’s Eve or any other time of the year you’re in a particularly festive mood. I watched this while I was sick as a dog so that may have colored my views.
Santa’s Slay (2005): I have my pro-wrestling obsession to thank for stumbling across this one. Goldberg (WCW) is an evil Santa Claus who has finally escaped from a very long sentence of being nice. He lost a curling bet to an angel. I know this sounds ridiculous and it is but it is a fun watch. I especially like WCW personality Vince Russo appearing as a non nondescript patron of a strip club and Tiny “Zeus” Lister’s portrayal of a gas station attendant. The opening alone is one hell of a thing to see so even if you turn it off immediately after that sequence, I’d chalk it up as a win.
So that is ten of my favorite slashers I’ve seen. I plan on trying my own hand at a slasher month over on Wrestling with Film. I had no idea how many slashers star or feature wrestlers!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Matt Frame is one of the creators of Camp Death III In 2-D, which you can check out on Amazon Prime. We interviewed him last year and he’s been good enough to send us his last of slasher and horror films from the 1980’s that he loves. For more info on his film, head on over to its Facebook page! Thanks, Matt!
Hi guys! Apologies for not getting back to you before now. I was on a tricycle riding over the Rockies with a coconut chained to my waist. True story. I tried to pedal from Seattle to Milwaukee in order to hand a bluray copy of my film to the guys at Red Letter Media. Only made it 600 miles after being snowed out in Montana. Whole affair can be seen here.
Anyways, you know I’m an 80’s horror hound so my list of 60 is from that era, by year, alphabetical order.
What started out as a week of post-apoc reviews — and went off the rails into a month-long tribute — is over. It’s time for B&S Movies to move onto the annual Scarecrow Challenge, then a month-long tribute to Mill Creek’s Pure Terror 50-film box set, as well as a Halloween tribute to ‘80s slasher films.
So, in closing out B&S Movies’ quest to chronicle the “future” for future generations, here’s our Part 2 tribute (here’s Part 1) to the celluloid uranium dust collected in the atomic dustbins.
Prior to Lunar Cop, Boaz Davidson and Cannon Pictures produced this post-nuclear war caper with the usual sterilized population ruled by a “Skynet” run amuck from Arnie’s universe. Of course, one woman was able to give birth; she needs to get the child to a ship, and to safety (as in the previous After the Fall of New York ripped-off, and denied, by Children of Men). Of course, she’s pursued by the ubiquitous Terminator and protected by the obligatory “Kyle” (Joe Lara, excellent as Austin). TrailerVudu/Full Movie
Apocalypse Mercenaries (1987)
Familiar recycled stock footage abounds (Editor Vanio Amici of The Bronx Executioner) in this inert Neapolitan homage to ‘60s Italian war films that ripped-off The Dirty Dozen. So don’t be duped into thinking this is set in a “future” WW III apocalypse — it’s the WW II one (you lousy, marketing bastards). At least the limestone cavern system where it takes place is a nice touch. And don’t be fool by the doppelganger Arnold Schwarznegger Raw Deal art work. Don’t be swindled by the shared Nasty Hero (1987) artwork either, which isn’t an alternate title to this film, but a separate Italian-action stinker. Trailer
The Bronx Executioner (1989)
It’s a sequel . . . but it’s not . . . is it? What it is: A rip-off, of a rip-off, that rips-offs half of its footage from the apoc romp, The Final Executioner. It’s the lone writing/directing effort from Vanio Amici (aka Bobby Collins; the editor behind the “worse sequel ever made,” Troll 2, along with Lucio Fulci’s possession flick, Aenigma) in an all-too-late-to-care hijack of the superior Enzo G. Castellari’s Escape from New York rips (1990: The Bronx Warriors and Escape from the Bronx) with a low-rent Mad Max hunting a Terminator in the baked Big Apple. And no: Umberto Lenzi didn’t direct this: know your Italian Bobby Collins directing-pseudonyms, buddy! Trailer
Crime Zone (1990)
An okay early directing effort by Peruvian Luis Llosa for Roger Coman’s Concorde Productions; Llosa also directed Sniper (1993) starring Tom Berringer, Fire on the Amazon (1993) starring Sandra Bullock, Sylvester Stallone’s The Specialist (1994), and the first/best “big-snake movie,” Anaconda (1997). This Lima-shot contribution to the apocalypse stars David Carradine (who went from Future Force (1989) into the Future Zone (1990) and into the Crime Zone) in a futuristic twist on the ol’ Bonnie and Clyde crime caper. Set in the usual post-WW III, gleaming police state, the wealthy Carradine hires two star-crossed teens (Sherilyn Fenn from The Wraith) to steal a hi-tech computer chip/disc; in exchange: he’ll smuggle them out of the sex-oppressive city. When the heist goes bad, the chase for vengeance is on. How about that artwork that predicts Sly’s Judge Dredd-chin—which doesn’t hit screens until five years later? TrailerFull Movie
This is a case of come-for-the-crazy-rocket-launching-apoc-helmet-then-leave type of a flick where Vancouver doubles for a Mad Maxian “New Idaho.” It’s the usual elite survivors living underground, with the infected above harassed by the usual road warrior tomfoolery and hunted for their white blood cells and bone marrow. And beware of that crazy religion where you’re murdered to be “baptized” into it! Amid the mayhem, one sister—a Mad Maxine—sets out to rescue her kidnapped-for-cultivation sister. This was successful enough (!) on the video fringe to warrant a second the-video-box-art-is-better-than-the-film-inside, Part III sequel. Caveat: Part II is an EOA I repack made to extend its rental-shelf life. It’s all courtesy of Lloyd A. Simandi; he directed murdered Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratton in her feature film debut, and his first directing effort, Autumn Born (1979). TrailerFull Movie
Also known as L’ Ultimo Guerriero, Escape from New York collides in a beautiful disaster with The Most Dangerous Game (see The 10th Victim and the superior Italian “death sport” flick, Endgame) as an elite group of “clean” survivors holed up in lush mansion in the nuclear aftermath. For sport, they head out into the wastelands to hunt the infected; they pick the wrong victim in . . . Alan Tanner (Alan? Dude! Snake, Stryker, Hunter, Paco, Trash, and Parsifal are going to kick your ass!), played by William Mang who, like Michael Sopkiw before him, looks a lot like Kurt Russell. Half of this film’s footage was recycled in the “it’s not a sequel,” The Bronx Executioner (1989), reviewed above. Full Movie
Writer/director Claudio Fragasso (Monster Dog) pens his third Italian Mad Max-romp (Shocking Dark, Rats: Night of Terror), this one helmed by prolific U.S television-series director Deran Sarafian (Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Death Warrant). It’s Sarafian’s ingenuity against the low budget, along with Bruce Abbott’s (Re-Animator) perpetual likeability, which rises this above the lesser knockoffs. A mercenary, Swan (Abbott), is recruited by psychic monks to protect a mysterious treasure from road warriors, so as to preserve the Interzone: the last fertile place on Earth. And yes, Swan (Hey, wait, uh . . . from Battletruck?) drives Calamity Jane’s repurposed car fromDeath Race 2000. Full Movie
Land of Doom (1986) aka Mad Force, Bad Raiders, Raiders of Death
Taking its cues from the superior, bigger-budgeted Hollywood frolics Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn and Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (both 1983), Star Wars and The Road Warrior ineptly collide in Cappadocia, Turkey for a knockoff of the Italian wastelands filled with plague survivors, Jawa-dwarfs, and way-over-customized ‘70s cars and cycles. The resident Mad Max, a solider-of-fortune named Anderson (Andy? Do you know Alan from The Final Executioner?), and a Mad Maxine, after her village is destroyed by a junior Wez overlord clad in armor n’ leather — with an arrow-shooting robot hand, no less — pursues them in quest of find a rumored paradise. And that end credit theme song. Wow, that’s not Tina Turner. TrailerArchive.org/Full Movie
Steel Frontier (1995)
The always reliable Joe Lara (American Cyborg: Steel Warrior), along with the we-luv-‘em B-movie stalwarts Bo Svenson, Brion James (Blade Runner) and Kane Hodder deliver in this futuristic spaghetti western set in 2019 — Steel Plains Drifter, if you will — with Lara’s Yuma hired by the citizens of New Hope to fight the invading United Regime biker-psychos. Yeah, it has a vibe of Patrick Swayze’s earlier Shane-rip, Steel Dawn (1987), but this is so much more fun. TrailerFull Movie
Urban Warriors (1987)
Unlike Vanio Amici’s previous editing swindle, Apocalypse Mercenaries, this post-apoc frolic — which doesn’t live up to its poster-art — really is a post-apoc adventure as a trio of scientists venture from their underground lab into a nuclear wasteland to search for uncontaminated humans for baby making, against the usual road warriors and cannibal-mutants. TrailerFull Movie
Y2K (1999) (1999)˟ — Yes, there’s two movies! You can visit our “Ancient Future” blowout from April 2021 to discover more computer-plotted films with outdated technologies.
Courtesy of the Italian and Philippine film industries creating a post-apocalyptic cottage industry — the ‘80s pasta-apocalypse — with their seemingly endless replications of the futuristic-western visions of George Miller’s Mad Max and John Carpenter’s Escape from New York, along with Charlton Heston’s The Omega Man and Soylent Green initiating a post-apoc boom in the ‘70s, there’s enough movies to keep us busy until, well, the real apocalypse arrives.
So, in B&S Movies’ quest to chronicle all of those “futures” for future generations, here’s our first part of 10 quick reviews of the flotsam and jetsam collected in our atomic dustbin.
The Collapsed (2011) aka Crazy World
In this mediocre, low-budget Canadian entry with Asylum Studio-like vibes, it’s the first day after our present-day end, with the usual, violent societal breakdown caused by an “undetermined event.” A family escapes the city, only to become woodland stalking victims. Trailer
Dikiy Vostok (1993) aka The Wild East
This excellent Russian/Kazakhstan-produced film concerns a group of circus dwarves and performers who set up a peaceful village in the post-new world, only to be besieged by bandits; they hire a gang of eclectic gunfighters to protect them in this interesting take on The Seven Samurai. Full Movie/Eng Sub
Driving Force (1989)
This low-budget-too-late Filipino Mad Max replication slop (killed by too much talky-drama) set in our not-too-far-ahead present day concerns rival breaker (tow truck) companies — the Black Knights and the Destroyers — battling on the “future” lawless roads for salvage rights. A lone breaker driver (instead of a police Interceptor), Sam Jones (Flash Gordon), protects “industrialist” Catherine Bach (TV’s The Dukes of Hazzard) and stands against the brother of Patrick Swayze, Don, a slobbering maniac who drives people off the road and salvages their cars. If you want to see Mad Max as an unemployed single dad with an annoying kid and battling her grandparents for custody — yes, ripped off from Stallone’s Over the Top — then this is your movie. Full Movie
Ever Since the World Ended (2001)
This intriguing, low-budget mockumentary — refreshingly devoid of Mad Max dressings, Armageddon hysterics, and zombie goo — is set twelve years after the plague; a filmmaker documents the physical and psychological effects experienced by San Francisco’s 186 survivors. They’re just regular, non-tech folk — no warriors, no saviors, or crazies — coping in a now silent world. Trailer
Hunting Grounds (2008) aka Zombie Hunters
This not-awful-just-mediocre award-winning canux flick has a few unique touches — killed by an Asylum Studios’ zombie vibe. After an “ecological collapse,” nature is banned for human enjoyment, with Québécois (and other cities) confined to “sealed cities.” Bored with virtual reality hunting for sport, a group of hunters break out for a real hunt. They soon discover a military-created zombie outbreak in the environs — and a nasty cyborg-zombie in a battle exo-skelton. Trailer
Another apocalypse — this one set in the present-day UK (rumored to have been shot-on-video in 1984 but not released on home video until 1988) — reminds of the later The Survivalistand Survival Zone, but it’s actually all non-action talk of the Survival 1990 variety set in the low-budget woods. When a run-of-the-mill family man hoofs home in the first days after a nuclear war, he finds his wife and child — soon murdered — in the clutches of rogue army unit, The Terminators (yuk-yuk, don’t sue, Mr. Cameron); he sets out for spaghetti western revenge. (We’ve reviewed another of director Lindsay Shonteff’s mid-’80s shot-on-video junkfests, the giallo hopeful known as Lipstick and Blood. We’ve since done a more, complete overview of ol’ Lind’s career — including review links ‘o plenty to the Shonteff canons — within our review of the robbery-gone-bad tedium that is The Fast Kill.) Trailer
Lunar Cop (1995) aka Solar Force
Boaz Davidson (The Last American Virgin) directs Michael Pare (Eddie and the Cruisers) in a $4 million-produced script written by Michael’s brother, Terrance. Michael is a “moon cop” sent down to battle the Earth’s road warrior hoards — led by requisite screen baddy, Billy Drago (Invasion USA) — and stop the production of a deadly serum that will kill mankind. A pedestrian romp that couldn’t call itself Omega Cop, as that title was already taken to chronicle the karate apocalypse. Trailer
Terminus (1987)
Iconic French-Euro musician Johnny Hallyday jumps into the Mad Max battle tanker, along with Karen Allen (Raiders of the Lost Ark) and Jurgen Prochnow (Das Boot; the German apoc’er Operation Ganymed), in France’s very entertaining, big-budget knockoff of Death Race 2000 — and reminds one of that picture’s later, 2008 reboot. A genetically-engineered child genius creates a post-apocalyptic European sport where a driver of a 2001-Hal computerized truck must race across the country to an established terminus (the end of a railroad or other transportation route) and not be stopped by other vehicles. Trailer
The Trigger Effect (1996)
This directing debut for screenwriter David Koepp (Jurassic Park, War of the Worlds), with an assist from Kyle MacLachlan, Dermot Mulroney and Elisabeth Shue, is pleasantly devoid of the usual, major studio Armageddon hysterics. In a not-awful-just mediocre world that leans heavily on the “love triangle” aspects of 1958’s The World, The Flesh, and the Devil (but the press indicates this is an expanded version of the 1959 Twilight Zone episode, “The Monsters Are Due”), the trio deals with a mysterious power grid failure that plunges the world into an apoc-darkness that “triggers” anarchy. Trailer
Unknown Beyond (2001) aka Maelstrom Il Figlio dell’attrove
This pretty cool Italian homage to Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond is set in a Lovecraftian apocalypse where the invading The Old Ones — instead of a boring bomb drop or seen-before plague-infected zombies and road warriors — return to Earth and force man underground. Instead of the usual quest for gas, water, and the need to make babies, the survivors search for an ancient grimoire to restore order. Trailer
Are you ready for the end of the world? Well, you better choose the right vehicle to survive it! This list is in no particular order, just an overview of what I believe are the finest post-apocalyptic cars, trucks, buggies and battlewagons out there.
1. The Landmaster from Damnation Alley: If you drive past Gene Winfield’s Custom Shop on Sierra Highway between Rosamond and Mojave, California, you just might catch a glimpse of this beast, a 12-wheeled amphibious articulated vehicle that was originally constructed by Dean Jeffries at Jeffries Automotive in Universal City, California. Only one was ever built at a cost of $350,000 in 1976 ($1.6 million today). No wonder they keep showing it over and over (and over) in the film!
The Landmaster vehicle is very real and uses as many standard truck parts as possible so that any junkyard would have whatever was needed for repairs after the end of the world.
This ten-ton vehicle is powered by a 390-cubic-inch Ford industrial engine, an Allison automatic truck transmission and has the rear-ends of two commercial trucks. Even the tri-star wheel arrangement really works, allowing this vehicle to climb over boulders and all 12 wheels are driven (although only 8 hit the ground at all times).
Unlike other vehicles on this list, The Landmaster has appeared in other movies and shows, such as an Amoco commercial, Quiet Riot’s video for “The Wild and the Young” and episodes of Highway to Heaven and Get A Life, where it memorably battled Chris Elliot in “Paperboy 2000.”
It also shows up in Mike Jittlov’s The Wizard of Speed and Time, A.P.E.X., Hybrid and influenced the Japanese video games Phantasy Star, Starfox, Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey and the manga Battle Angel Alita: Last Order.
2. Ark II from the 1976 CBS live-action Saturday morning TV show Ark II: Not to be confused with The Landmaster, but the Ark II — a mobile storehouse of scientific knowledge, manned by a highly trained crew of young people — brought hope to the people of the 25th century.
This 44-foot-long, six-wheeled combination RV and mobile laboratory was created by the Brubaker Group. It was made with a fiberglass body on a 1971 Ford C-Series (C-700) cabover.
If you ever watched later Filmation shows like Space Academy and Jason of Star Command (which is worth it just to see Sid Haig play Dragos), the front of the Ark II is the Seeker spaceship.
There was also another vehicle called the Ark Roamer, which was a smaller, 4-wheeled all-terrain vehicle built from a modified Brubaker Box, a kit car that uses a Volkswagen Beetle chassis. Keep an eye out for Brubaker Boxes in the Andrew Stevens’ film Grid Runners and Soylent Green.
3. The Battletruck from, well, Battletruck: If you’re gonna give this movie this name, it’s vehicle better live up to the nom de plume. Obviously taking its cue from the vehicles of Mad Max, the Battletruck is so beloved by its driver that he gives his life rather than allow Straker to destroy it. But I mean, just look at that thing. You’d love it if you could drive it, too.
4. The spinners from Blade Runner: This vertical take-off and landing vehicle, also known as a VTOL, was conceived and designed by Syd Mead. When you think of this film, often your first thought is the look of these vehicles. However, the spinner also shows up in plenty of other films, such as Trancers, Back to the Future II, Solar Crisis and Soldier.
Mead thought of the car as an aerodyne, which used air directed downward to create lift, although the producers claimed that the vehicle ran on three engines: “conventional internal combustion, jet and anti-gravity.”
5. The Lawmaster from Judge Dredd: The Lawmaster is Judge Dredd’s vehicle of choice when it comes to patrolling the mean streets of Mega City One. For this 1995 Sylvester Stallone movie, an exact replica of the comic Lawmaster was made by vehicle designer David Allday, but it proved way too awkward to steer. Built with an unknown 650cc engine with a rolling chassis that features mismatching wheels, it was auctioned off in 2018 for $21,400. I just spent that much money fixing up my house and I think that having this bike to drive to work would have been a much better investment.
For the superior in every way 2012 Dredd, the Lawmaster was built on Suzuki GSX 750s with an extended chassis. I really need to get around to covering that soon.
6. The Pursuit Special from the Mad Max movies: Also referred to as the “Last of the V8 Interceptors,” this heavily modified, Australian built 1973 Ford Falcon XB GT Hardtop was designed by art director Jon Dowding and built by Melbourne-based car customizers Graf-X International.
The main modifications are the spoilers, wheel arch flares, front nose cone and Concorde style air-dam designed by Arcadipane. Plus, eight side exhausts — only two function — and a purely cosmetic Weiand 6-71 supercharger were added.
After the first film was completed, the producers couldn’t pay everyone, so the car was put up for sale. After no one took it, it was given to part-time actor and head mechanic of the film Murray Smith as his payment for his work on the film.
For the second film — The Road Warrior — the car was bought back from Smith and painted a matte black. It now had two large cylindrical fuel tanks added to the back. Another Pursuit Special was made and destroyed in the film’s climax, but the original vehicle found its way to a junkyard in Broken Hill before it was rescued by Bob Fursenko, who restored it and showed it throughout Australia.
It was sold to the Cars of the Stars Motor Museum in England, where it stayed until 2011, before it was relocated to the Dezer Car Museum, which is currently being relocated from Miami to Orlando.
While the Pursuit Special doesn’t show up in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, it returned for the spiritual sequel Mad Max: Fury Road. Max only has the car for a moment until he’s kidnapped and the car is taken by Immortan Joe’s War Boys. Repainted a chrome silver color and renamed the Razor Cola, it is destroyed in the final battle.
Finally, in the 2015 video game, Immortan Joe’s son Scabrous Scrotus steals Max’s car. After an odyssey across the Plains of Silence in his new car, the Magnum Opus, Max finally conquers his nightmarish memories, takes out Scrotus and reclaims his beloved vehicle. At the end of the game, he places the photo of his family back on the dashboard and drives out into the desert.
Honestly, I could fill this article with every other vehicle from the Mad Max series. It is the wellspring from which most post-Armageddon films flow forth, after all. There’s even a site, Mad Max Cars, that can help you make your own car just like the movie!
7. The cars and tricycles in the films of Willy Milan: If you haven’t partaken of the films of this Filipino director yet, let me tell you to stop reading and start watching. Beyond featuring a cybernetic bad guy who is convinced that he’s a werewolf and forces his men to watch him sleep with their wives, Mad Warrior is packed with all manner of completely berserk vehicles. W Is War is also pretty much the same thing, as if the comic book Love and Rockets and the cartoon Wacky Races went off and did a ton of psychedelics and emerged with a twisted future child.
One of my dreams of doing this site is to expand people’s minds toward films I love. Do me a favor: Grab W Is War, with the Mad Max of Asia driving a big block Camero to get his bloody revenge after being castrated, or Mad Warrior, which has a lightsaber duel that comes out of nowhere at the links I’ve provided at Cult Action.
8. The vehicles of Warriors of the Wasteland/The New Barbarians:If you’re the kind of person who has thought to yourself, that ’67 Firebird needs a giant bubble on it and a skull for a hood ornament, good news. This is the movie for you. And even better, One’s gang of Templars rides the wastelands in what looks like murderous golf carts. Cheapy fun from Enzo G. Castellari!
Seriously, if someone asks me to pick one post-apocalyptic movie, this would be the one I would tell them to watch. It’s packed with mayhem, murder, Fred Williamson kicking ass and Giovanni Frezza (Bob from House by the Cemetery) showing up a child mechanic.
9. All of the cars in Death Race 2000: If you’re looking for post-apocalyptic movie packed with cars, look no further. Everyone has a car attuned to their dynamic personality, like some demented WWE of the future. Frankenstein’s Alligator car and the Machine Gun Joe’s car were re-bodied Volkswagens. Matilda the Hun’s Buzz Bomb was a VW Karmann-Ghia, Calamity Jane’s Bull was a Corvair and Nero the Hero’s Roman Lion was built on a Fiat 850 Spider chassis. They’re all used to maim and murder pedestrians and one another throughout this black comedy.
According to producer Roger Corman, the custom cars featured in the movie were later sold to car museums for considerably more than it cost to build them. In fact, Volo Auto Sales in Illinois recently sold both Frankenstein and Calamity Jane’s cars.
Remember — don’t stay off the streets. It’s your duty and honor to help the Death Racers score points!
10. The vehicles of Megaforce: While not strictly an end of the world film, the aesthetics of Megaforce permeated all the films that were to follow.
Bill Frederick, builder of the LSR Budweiser Rocket and other jet and rocket-powered vehicles, created 10 Megadestroyer Buggies. Only two survived the film and one even showed up on eBay for $10,000!
The influence of the cars, vans and trucks of this film go way beyond Hollywood (and Italy and the Phillipines, too). After filming was complete, the U.S. military asked director Hal Needham for the plans for the Megaforce vehicles. He happily handed them over and claimed that most of what the army used in Desert Storm came from those blueprints.
Honorable Mentions
The 6000 SUX from RoboCop: Not a great car, but a great commercial, thanks to the animation work of the Chiodo Brothers, who would go on to create Crittersand Killer Klowns from Outer Space.
Courtesy of Sam Simon from the Italian blog Vengono fuori dalle fottute pareti: The Dead Reckoning from George Romero’s Land of the Dead, and The Snowpiercer from Snowpiercer.
Our own R. D Francis chimes in with Stryker’s Mad Maxian Ford Mustang from Cirio H. Santiago’s Stryker.
Then there’s Lee Major’s forgotten Porsche 917-Chaparral hybrid in The Last Chase — which gets the breakdown courtesy of The Truth About Cars, in their own review of the film.
No, it’s not from Megaforce, or any other movie, but should be in a movie: The Sherp ATV was actually built to drive in Siberia under the most extreme off-road conditions — looks totally “apoc” to us.
While it’s not a post-apoc world, but a post-alien invasion Earth, there’s Ed Straker’s car and the S.H.A.D.O Land Rovers from Gerry Anderson’s British-made, early ’70s series, Invasion: UFO.
Due to its soft-core adult shenanigans, Things to Come (1976) — a drive-in regional, San Antonio, Texas-shot rip of Star Trek meets Logan’s Run — is a difficult recommend due to its hard R-rated content (“X” in some quarters). Then these Rollerball meets Roger Corman’s Death Race 2000deathcycles — complete with wedge cutting blades — appear in a subplot about a death sport game held in “The Pleasuredome” to entertain the masses — as the bikers hunt Westworld-styled, female-android/pleasure bots being put to pasture. Yes, the “murder bikes” are as cardboardish as they seem. Yes, the game is a little like Lucio Fulci’s “Kill Bike” in his later Warriors of the Year 2072. Did Corman rip off these bikes for his later apoc’er, Deathsport? Probably.
The Cyclone from Fred Olin Ray’s Cyclone (1987) is lost somewhere between Roger Corman’s laser-spewin’ Death Machines from Deathsport and the later Lawmaster from Judge Dredd. The Heather Thomas-seated bike that crosses NBC TV’s Knight Rider with ABC-TV’s Street Hawk is believed to be a refitted Honda XR350/XL350. In addition to those three-sided rocket launchers on the back: there’s lasers! And the bike gets really impressive in its Green New Deal-ness: it comes equipped with a “transformer” that allows the Cyclone to run on hydrogen pulled from the atmosphere. If only the bikes in Rollerball had rocket launchers . . . plus, it puts Fulci’s “Kill Bikes” from Rome 2072 to shame. And Heather wishes The Fall Guy wasn’t cancelled. And Willy Milan and Enzo G. Castellari wished they had one in their respective apoc flicks.
As we were finishing our July 2021 updating . . . Mike Delbusso of Splatt Gallery, Michigan’s premiere rock art gallery, posted this absolutely ’80s post-apoc ad for the Scorpion’s new, 1979 album, Love Drive, released prior to their first, real U.S. break through with Animal Magnetism. How come Cirio H. Santigo or Willy Milan never thought of an apoc war wagon with a stinger-tail?
Did we miss one of your favorite end of the world vehicles? Don’t be shy! Let us know in the comments. And drive safe out there!
Want more post-apocalyptic fun? We’ve been covering these kind of movies all month long and our Letterboxd list will help you keep track. And for a quick overview of the best of the best, turn to our handy “Ten End of the World Movies We Love” list. Also heck out our Atomic Dust Bin, Part 1 and Part 2 for more films.
Unlike many actors, Sylvester Stallone has been fortunate enough in his career to have not just one or two characters appear in more than one movie, but several. And even though some of his roles may have only appeared in one film, you can totally see how they could have future adventures.
Consider this article a purely unscientific study of my ten favorite Stallone characters. You may feel differently and I totally encourage you to comment and share your thoughts.
1. Robert “Rocky” Balboa: Across six of his own films and appearances in the two Creed films, Rocky is the ultimate Stallone character. He’s autobiographical, with a life that mirrors the struggles, challenges and successes of the man who wrote and played him down to the fact that Stallone’s dog played Rocky’s dog.
In Rocky, he’s a down on his luck fighter who somehow ends up in a match with the champ. Rocky 2 — the rematch. In the third film, he’s lost the eye of the tiger and must recover it before winning back his title. By four and five, he’s battling Russia and retirement before Rocky Balboa features him in one last fight.
He’s one of the rare characters in American cinema that we’ve seen grow old and go through changes in each successive movie. Stallone even sees one more story in Rocky, saying that he has a new movie idea where “Rocky meets a young, angry person who got stuck in this country when he comes to see his sister. He takes him into his life, and unbelievable adventures begin, and they wind up south of the border. It’s very, very timely.”
2. John Rambo: Rambo may have appeared in less films than Rocky — the fifth installment arrives at the end of this summer — but he’s no less popular a hero. Starting with First Blood, a film that Rambo was originally intended to not survive, this is another character that has changed along with the political climate.
In his first appearance, Rambo is an outsider, a veteran who returned home to a country that didn’t want him. By the second film, the Reagan era is in full effect, with our hero returning to Vietnam to win the war this time. And in the third, well, he’s working with the Taliban. Look — they were our allies at the time. Global political peacekeeping is tricky business. By the fourth film, Rambo is just trying to live peacefully in Thailand and sell snakes. Of course, that doesn’t last. What’s surprising is just how gory and brutal the carnage becomes.
Rambo is more than a character. He’s become an archetype, a touchstone where people are referred to as going in like Rambo. So many action movies that follow in the wake of the Rambo series owe a tremendous debt to the first two films.
3. Barney Ross: The leader of The Expendables, a team of highly trained mercenaries, Barney has appeared in threedifferentmovies. Beyond his ability to draw his signature 1911 Kimber Gold Combat II faster than anyone on any battlefield, Barney is known for his loyalty to his men and how he strives to protect people. Not usually qualities that you’d apply to a mercenary, but he’s a different breed. He’s got a list of allies — and enemies — longer than most, but that’s because he’s survived the game way longer than anyone. Here’s hoping that the fourth movie in this series happens soon.
4. Ray Breslin: Across three Escape Room movies, Ray uses all of the skills that he has learned as a former prosecutor, businessman, structural engineer and escape artist to run his firm, Breslin Security. After escaping from the prison called the Tomb — along with Arnold Schwarzenegger — in the first film and the Hades prison in the second, Breslin returned for Escape Plan: The Extractors along with his operatives Trent DeRosa (Dave Bautista), Hush (Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson) and Abigail Ross (Jamie King). While not as celebrated a character as Rambo or Rocky, Breslin is one that Stallone keeps returning to, as these films do great business worldwide (if not domestically).
5. Joe “Machine Gun” Viterbo: Always coming in second to Death Race 2000 superstar Frankenstein has driven Joe a bit crazy. How else can you explain someone who dresses like 1940’s mafia hitman and drives a car with a gigantic switchblade mounted on the hood? While not one of Stallone’s best known roles, this was one of his first and shows that he had plenty of charisma. He also rewrote several of his lines — he was writing Rocky while this movie was filming — such as when he tells Myra, his navigator, “Some people might think you’re cute. But me, I think you’re one very large baked potato.” and “I’ve got two words to say to that: bull shit.”
6. Lincoln Hawk: I may be the only person in the world that wishes that there had been more than one Over the Top movie, but when you run your own web site obsessing about movies, you can make outrageous claims too. If I were to spitball my take on the sequel, it would involve Hawk and former enemy Bull Hurley being set up to haul an illegal load of radioactive material for terrorists who have kidnapped Hawk’s son Michael. At the film’s climax, Hawk and Bull would have killed most of the terrorists — played by George Eastman, Rober Z’Dar, Vernon Wells, Clint Howard and Al Leong — before tearing the arms off the man behind it all — Alexander Rasputin, long lost brother of the evil mystic and the man who wants to eliminate American and arm wrestling, who is played by Klaus Kinski, who was nearly killed several times by Stallone during filming. Also Cameron Mitchell would play Jesse Cutler, the brother of Robert Loggia’s Jason Cutler.
7. Marion Cobretti: A member of the LAPD Zombie Squad, the man known as Cobra battle the New World for one movie and that was it. Again, like Over the Top, I’ve debated a sequel in my head for years, as well as the hope that a high quality copy of the two hour plus unedited cut of the film — with way more mayhem and gore — would see the light of day. Thanks to Stallone’s official Instagram, it looks like I’m not alone.
8. Sgt. John Spartan: Yet another one and done Stallone character, the hero of Demolition Man starts the film by jumping out of a helicopter and goes on to basically maim, murder and explode every single thing in his way. There were plans of trying to bring in Jackie Chan as a villain for the follow-up, but Jackie doesn’t play villains. It’s a shame — I’d watch every single movie that had John Spartan in it, even if the movie was just about him eating Taco Bell and using those three seashells.
8. Lieutenant Raymond Tango: I think the fact that a sequel to Tango & Cash was never made is the reason why no one seems to get along any longer. Movies where machine gun loaded trucks chase down old cowboy actors like Jack Palance are the great uniter, never a divider. Kurt Russell and Stallone in one film? It’s like putting more butter on your peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Seriously. You should try that sometime.
9. Stakar “Starhawk” Osborg: What was missing in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Sylvester Stallone. His quick role as this high ranking member of the Ravagers in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 was completely awesome. According to writer and director James Gunn, Starhawk is “very important to the Marvel Universe” and “it’s our plan to see more of Stallone” in future MCU films. I’m intrigued to see if they’ll play into the comic canon and have both Stallone and Michelle Yeoh, who played his adoptive sister/lover Aleta in another cameo at the end of the film, be both parts of Starhawk. Yes, all I did in my teenage years was read comic books.
10. The Toymaker: A rare role for Stallone as a bad guy, the main enemy of Spy Kids 3D is the reason why their grandfather Valentin Avellan (Ricardo Montalbán) is in a wheelchair. He was once an OSS agent that turned his back on his Valentin, his partner, and has been imprisoned in cyberspace. From the video realm, he and his three duplicates plan on taking over the minds of the children of the world. If I were to make a crossover film with every single Stallone good guy teaming up — the ultra-Expendables — he would be the big bad.
Whew! What a list! Did I miss one of your favorites? Let me know! Or send me your own list!
Jean-Claude Camille François van Varenberg was born on October 18, 1960 but would not become Jean-Claude Van Damme before he went through a childhood filled with bullying. He began studying martial arts at the age of ten.
He started in Shōtōkan karate school, earning his black belt at the age of 18, by which point he had already embarked on a career in competitive karate. He also started ballet, which he studied for five years, as well as Taekwondo and Muay Thai.
Before retiring from competition, JCVD amassed an 18-1 record and was also awarded the bodybuilding title of Mr. Belgium. In case you wonder where he got the name of the Muscles from Brussels from, now you know.
In 1979, he had an uncredited role in André Delvaux’s Woman Between Wolf and Dog, but would not appear in another film until he was an extra in Breakin’ after he and childhood friend Michael Qissi moved to America. Despite working with his friend Chuck Norris on some films and briefly working on the set of Predator, Van Damme had difficulty breaking in to movies.
Van Damme in the original Predator costume.
In 1986, Van Damme spotted — perhaps hunted down is the right word — Menahem Golan, half of the Israeli producing team behind Cannon Films. Van Damme was a waiter, so he took a bowl of soup to the producer while doing one of his trademark roundhouse kicks. Even though he did his split at the audition, he didn’t impress Golan until he learned that Van Damme was in Predator. Somehow, his name had not been removed from the cast sheet, so that was all it took to get him cast in Bloodsport.
That’s when Van Damme got on the road to success, making movie after movie after movie. At the height of his fame — after the success of Timecop — Van Damme was offered a three-picture deal for $12 million a movie. He demanded the same amount as Jim Carrey and ended up blacklisted from Hollywood. “I wanted to play the system. Like an idiot. Ridiculous,” he later said to The Guardian. The joke’s on everyone else — JCVD hasn’t stopped being in movies.
We could dwell on his later year issues, his multiple romances and his bouts with depression and drugs. But we’re here to celebrate Jean-Claude. After watching more than twenty of his movies in one week, I’ve learned a few things about not only Jean-Claude Van Damme, but life itself.
1. A good part of every movie opens by explaining why Jean-Claude Van Damme’s character is French. Other than movies like No Retreat, No Surrender and Black Eagle, where Van Damme plays Russian heavies, there is always a lengthy sequence that explains that Jean-Claude is either Candian, from New Orleans or French. Seriously. In Universal Soldier, he’s Luc Deveraux from Louisiana. Maximum Risk, he’s French cop Alain Moreau. Lionheart? Lyon Gaultier, member of the French Foreign Legion. Unlike contemporary Arnold Schwarzenegger, who just ignored his accent, in each of his movies, Jean-Claude takes the time to explain it to us.
2. He can do splits. In nearly every one of his early films, Van Damme did a split. He does seven in Bloodsport alone. That’s what led Volvo to get Van Damme to be in their epic split commercial, where the action film hero did the split with each foot on the outer rearview mirrors of one semi-trailer truck and one box truck moving backward. The video quickly reached 35 million views in just one week. My favorite JCVD split? Timecop.
3. He frequently has a twin brother. Yes, every actor ends up playing twin brothers at some point of another. Van Damme has done it three times: Double Impact, Replicant (clones count) and Maximum Risk.
4. People frequently get doused with gasoline and set on fire in his films. Don’t believe me? Lionheart starts with Van Damme’s brother getting doused with gasoline and set on fire. Numerous people get killed this way in Death Warrant. Van Damme himself sets a double agent on fire in Sudden Death. His world is rough and violent. That means that often, people must burn.
5. He often has a black friend that helps him out. In Kickboxer, Winston Taylor helps our hero save his brother and find a Muay Thai trainer. In Death Warrant, he has two black friends, Priest and Hawkins, played by TV’s Benson, Robert Guillaume. He has Joshua in Lionheart. And in Double Team, he gets the greatest of all of his friends, weapons dealer Yaz, played by basketball superstar Dennis Rodman.
6. He wears some insane costumes at times. Not to be outdone by that ensemble posted above with the fake dreads, but Van Damme dresses as a clown on stilts and an old man within the first five minutes of The Quest. And his hairstyle as Edward “the Torch” Garrotte in Replicant must be seen to be believed.
7. He shows off his ass in nearly every movie. Starting with Bloodsport, Van Damme would feature his backside in nude or near nude form in almost every movie. Director Sheldon Lettich says that these scenes “became a very memorable moment for the ladies in the audience, and for the gay guys as well. Showing off his butt (clothed or unclothed) almost became a signature trademark of his after that.”
8. He sure has killed a lot of people on film. Thanks to the amazing Benjamin Combes, here’s a kill count for JCVD through 2015. Spoiler warning: his kill count is 393.
9. He often goes AWOL. Another central theme in his movies is often his character leaving behind the military so that he can seek personal vengeance. In Bloodsport, Frank Dux goes AWOL so that he may fight in Kumite, just like how in Lionheart he abandons his French Foreign Legion post to get revenge on his parents. And in Universal Soldier, once he regains his memories, he walks away from his fellow soldiers to return to his hometown.
10. If you’re a Hong Kong director, your first Western film must be with Van Damme. Think I’m making this up? Corey Yuen’s first American movie was No Retreat, No Surrender. Ringo Lam? He made three films with JCVD, debuting in the West with Maximum Risk. John Woo? Hard Target. Tsui Hark made only two American movies — Double Team and Knock Off. This all has to be more than just a simple coincidence.
After a week of multiple Van Damme movies, I feel qualified to tell you my ten favorites. If I missed one of yours or you have a list of your own, let me know!
1. UniversalSoldier: If a movie where a cyborg zombie Van Damme battling an undead commando Dolph Lundgren doesn’t make you realize that God exists and loves us, well, you’re going to be an atheist for life.
2. Kickboxer: This movie gets it right. The audience for a Van Damme film doesn’t really want romance or character development. It wants to see him fight the worst people to ever walk the face of the Earth and then kick their asses in slow motion. This movie delivers.
3. Bloodsport: If you liked a movie about a fight to the death, then you’re going to love an entire movie all about that. We wouldn’t have the Mortal Kombat video game character Johnny Cage without this film.
4. The Quest: You gotta give Van Damme credit. He knows the right well to keep going back to. Karate fights. Many, many karate fights. A tournament, you say? Sure, let’s do that again. The fact that Van Damme is a clown on stilts in the beginning is just the icing on this very sugary cake.
5. Double Team: Van Damme. Rodman. The late 1990’s were a wild time to be alive, where movies like this somehow got made and no one really questioned logic. The cocaine helped. Also: Mickey Rourke plays a bad guy who brings a man-eating tiger with him to devour Van Damme’s infant son.
6. JCVD: If you’re looking for the best made movie on this list, you’ve found it. There are no splits or fancy kicks — except in dream sequences. This hits a bit too close to home when you study the actor’s later years, but it’s amazing that he’s able to be this open.
7. DoubleImpact: In the opening of this film, a dying mother asks Bolo Yeung what will happen to her children once she’s gone. “You won’t be around to see it,” he answers before shooting her point blank. Twin Van Dammes. Thick thighed female assassins. An epic split sequence in a karate studio. When they say, “this one has it all,” they’re talking about this movie.
8. No Retreat, No Surrender: Van Damme makes for an astounding bad guy in this film, so much so that he becomes a good guy because you love watching him fight an entire building — all by himself — and nearly win.
9. Lionheart: What if Van Damme deserted his post in the French Foreign Legion and came back to avenge his brother who got set on fire — fulfilling so many of the Van Damme tropes — and then kicked ass from coast to coast? Then you’d have this movie.
10. The Expendables 2: Finally, after years of wanting to see Van Damme and Stallone fight, this is the movie where it happens. Van Damme’s Jean Vilain is exactly what this franchise was missing in its first iteration — an antagonist just as capable and tough as the heroes. If I had it my way, Van Damme’s character would have escaped and we’d get fifty more of these movies.
I also totally didn’t put Street Fighter on this list and I’m a total fool. That movie has Van Damme fight Raul Julia! You can see all of the Van Damme films I’m Van Dammage myself with on our Letterboxd list.
Finally, if you don’t like Jean-Claude, I have one simple thing to say.
He has his own statue.
Yes, that’s right. JCVD was honored with a life-size statue of himself in his hometown of Brussels. He was moved by this, saying “Belgium is paying me back something, but really it’s to pay back to the dream. So when people come by here, it is not Jean-Claude Van Damme but it’s a guy from the street who believed in something. I want the statue to represent that.”
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