FUCKED UP FUTURES PART 2: Escape from the Bronx (1983)

Remember Trash? His entire gang died back in 1990: The Bronx Warriors. But he’s back and Mark Gregory is playing him again. However, in the 18 months since the last film, director Enzo G. Castellari was upset with how much muscle mass he lost, so he keeps his jacket on for most of this movie. Don’t be sad. He still runs like he has a stick up his ass.

Within the first ten minutes of this movie, Mark remeets all of the gangs (yes, the silver and gold dancing ones return), his parents are killed by flamethrowers and he shoots down a helicopter with a revolver. If that doesn’t make you want to see this movie, I have no hope for you at all.

I’d like to call out some of my favorite things about this movie, little things no one may notice. One, in Trash’s parent’s apartment, they have a poster of their son, which is obviously a publicity poster from the first movie. And they also have a Tom of Finland-ish poster on the other wall. Also, when Trash shoots the chopper, a dummy body gets ejected out in the most ridiculous manner possible. Or the most awesome.

The Bronx hasn’t gotten any better. In fact, it’s worse. Now, there is no law, scavengers abound and ammunition is the main currency. But the General Construction (GC) Corporation wants to change all that. Their leader, President Clark (Enio Girolami, Warriors of the Wasteland) wants to tear down the city and build a “city of the future” ala Robocop, but four years before.

They offer the people left behind condos in New Mexico, which everyone knows is a lie, just like the jobs on Mars of Total Recall, but seven years earlier.

The Disinfestation Annihilation Squad is in town the wiping out anyone who won’t leave. Under the direction of former prison warden Floyd Wangler (when you can’t get John Saxon, call for Henry Silva), they’re wiping out anyone who won’t leave. Seriously, it’s like Castellari said, “If we can’t get big stars like the first one, let’s kill everything and everyone in this one.” He wasn’t joking. This film boasts a death toll of 174, including 110 shootings, 30 blown up real good, 9 set ablaze, one stabbing, one off-screen murder (boo!), according to IMDB 4 unknowns, 6 people fried by electricity, 2 bashed in the face and one smooshed by the back end of a rifle. This movie takes no prisoners.

It’s up to the gangs of the Bronx to take back the city. Dablone (Antonio Sabato Sr.), who is dressed as a pirate, is the man who can get them all behind the plan — kidnap the President of GC so that he’ll have to negotiate with the people of the Bronx. Luckily, they have Moon Gray, a reporter who was born in the Bronx and wants to make a real difference, to help.

There’s only one man who can go under the city — that’s Trash’s idea — and make all this happen: Strike, the man who did that big underground bank job and completely wiped Tiffany’s out. He doesn’t need money anymore. He’s hiding in his lair with his kid, Junior, who is apt to call you a fag when you meet him. Yep, this movie was made in the 80’s, when we didn’t worry about how we talked and were totally insensitive.

Of course, even the best plans get screwed up. Wangler kills the President because that was the plan all along. The gangs all get killed, almost to a member (blink and you’ll miss the late Italian porn star Moana Pozzi) except for Trash, just like the last film.

If only there had been a third one! I guess you can fit Warriors of the Wasteland as there is so much crossover between cast and crew.

Trust me — this movie is anything but boring. It makes me so happy to revisit the bonkers world of the 1990 Bronx one more time, even if Trash doesn’t talk much and just scowls all the time.

There’s one moment that sums this whole film up to me: Trash walks past a large window, one big enough to just step inside. Instead, he does a somersault through the window. Why? Who cares!

Want to watch this? Shudder has you covered!

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