JUNESPLOITATION: Wedlock (1991)

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Day 1. ‘90s Action!

Also known as Deadlock when released on VHS, this made-for-HBO movie stars Rutger Hauer as Frank Warren. He’s an electronics wizard and a master jewel thief who thinks he’s got it made after orchestrating a massive diamond heist. His crew consists of his gorgeous fiancée, Noelle (Joan Chen), and his long-time buddy, Sam (James Remar). But there is no honor among thieves. The moment the diamonds are safely stashed away, Sam and Noelle turn on Frank and leave him for the cops. Frank gets pinched, but he keeps his mouth shut about where the diamonds are hidden.

Cut to Camp Holliday, an experimental future prison that makes your standard maximum-security joint look like a country club. Run by the deliciously sadistic Warden Holliday (Stephen Tobolowsky, who seems to be having the time of his life), there are no iron bars or barbed wire fences here. Instead, the facility relies on the Wedlock system: every inmate is fitted with a bulky, electronic collar containing a proximity-fused explosive charge. Every collar is secretly linked to another random prisoner. If you move more than 100 yards away from your unknown partner, or if anyone tries to tamper with the hardware, BOOM—both of your heads get blown clean off your shoulders.

Naturally, Warden Holliday tries to torture the location of the diamonds out of Frank (using a sensory deprivation tank, which is for relaxation, not interrogation) but Frank isn’t talking. Things get complicated in the yard when Frank’s collar starts chirping, leading him to discover that his explosive soulmate is Tracy Riggs (Mimi Rogers), a woman claiming she was completely framed. One afternoon, when Frank fights a fellow inmate named Emerald (Basil Wallace) to the death, Tracy takes the ambulance he’s in and makes a run for it.

Sam and Noelle are working with the Warden to get the diamonds while Frank and Tracy are on the run. They hate each other’s guts, they’ve got the cops and a pair of heavily armed betrayers on their tails, and they have to stay within a football field’s distance of one another at all times or face instant decapitation.

What follows is an awesome mix of roadside tension, an underground collar-removal operation gone wrong (resulting in Noelle icing Sam) and a final showdown with the Warden himself, who has been tracking the duo via helicopter. Frank proves he’s the smarter criminal, tricking the Warden into wearing a collar and tossing the linked match into the departing chopper. Distance limit breached, chopper goes kaboom, and Frank and Tracy ride off into the sunset with a bag full of diamonds to live happily ever after.

Yes, in a 1990s action movie, there’s not much of a line between love and hate.

Wedlock is pure, unadulterated cinematic comfort food. Lewis Teague, as always, brings genuine studio-level competence to a B-movie premise, keeping the action moving fast enough that you don’t have time to question the prison logic. The chemistry between Hauer and Rogers works surprisingly well, turning the film into a twisted, high-stakes romantic comedy masquerading as a dystopian action flick. Tobolowsky steals every single scene he’s in as the Warden, playing him not as an imposing brute, but as a petty, bureaucratic psychopath. 

Hauer has weird hair, strange fashion choices and seems barely awake at some points. There are also some weird plot points, like how everyone in prison gets named after a color, can go to Magic Hour and sleep with anyone they want, and in the meantime, work on electronics. And while Frank is out for revenge, Noelle is just out to ruin the wedding of the ex who set her up.

Writer Broderick Miller recycled this same idea for another cable movie, Deadlocked: Escape from Zone 14, where Esai Morales is breaking out Nia Peeples. 

Shout out to Vern, who points out. that despite this being set in the future, there’s a movie theater showing a double of Graffiti Bridge with the Seagal movie Marked for Death. That’s amazing. Basil Wallace was also in the movie, playing Screwface and his twin brother. And oh yeah, Camp Holiday Prison is totally the command center from Power Rangers. Really — it’s the House of the Book on the American Jewish University’s Brandeis-Bardin Campus in Simi Valley, CA.

No other movie has Rutger Hauer and Mimi Rogers wearing traditional African clothing.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Murder, She Wrote S4 E3: Witness for the Defense (1987)

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Jessica goes to Quebec to testify at the trial of a friend who is accused of killing his wife and burning his house.

Season 4, Episode 3: Witness for the Defense (October 4, 1987)

Jessica Fletcher heads to Quebec to testify in a murder trial, but because this is her show, she ends up doing a better job than the defense attorney. This episode has everything: a burning house, a “suicidal” wife and a courtroom full of people who look like they belong in a Hammer movie.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury?

Patrick McGoohan (Attorney Oliver Quayle): If you have to ask, you’re on the wrong website. McGoohan is the creator and star of the ultimate psychedelic spy-fi cult masterpiece, The Prisoner (“I am not a number, I am a free man!”). He was also the lead in Secret Agent/Danger Man, was in Scanners and played the villainous Longshanks in Braveheart. Here, he brings that trademark intensity that makes you wonder if he’s going to defend his client or trap everyone in an underground bunker.

Juliet Mills (Annette Pirage): Part of the legendary Mills acting dynasty, she’s best known to sitcom fans as the lead in Nanny and the Professor. But for us, she’s a legend for starring in the 1974 Exorcist rip-off/cult classic Beyond the Door, and later, the batshit-insane supernatural soap Passions.

Claire Trevor (Judith Harlan): A Film Noir queen, she won an Oscar for Key Largo and starred in Stagecoach. Seeing her in an 80s TV mystery is like finding a vintage Cadillac in a suburban garage—pure class.

Christopher Allport (Jim Harlan): You likely recognize him as Andrew Campbell from Mad Men, but horror fans know him as the star of the sentient-killer-snowman flick Jack Frost. He also survived The Savage Bees.

Richard Cox (Clay McCloud): Best known for the 1980 Al Pacino leather-bar thriller Cruising. He also popped up in Star Trek: The Next Generation and the horror-adjacent The Vindicator.

Stefan Gierasch (Dr. Cornwall): A premier “That Guy” character actor. He was in Carrie as the principal and played Delue in the western masterpiece Jeremiah Johnson.

Marilyn Hassett (Patricia Harlan): She was the star of the tear-jerker The Other Side of the Mountain. In the cult world, she led the 1979 thriller The Bell Jar and the 1984 slasher-mystery The Nightingales.

Simon Jones (Barnaby Friar): He is, and always will be, Arthur Dent from the original TV and radio versions of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. He also appeared in 12 Monkeys.

Dianne Kay (Monica Blane): Best known as Nancy Bradford on Eight Is Enough. She also starred in Spielberg’s comedy-war cult classic 1941.

James Staley (Fouchet): A veteran of 80s TV who appeared in The Video Dead.

Charlie Brill (Rudy): One half of the comedy duo “McCall & Brill.” Trekkies know him as Arne Darvin in the classic episode “The Trouble with Tribbles.”

Sean G. Griffin (Klebber): A reliable TV hand seen in everything from The Abyss to Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Dori Arnold (Secretary): Appeared in the TV movie The Last Convertible.

Ivan Bonar (His Lordship): A veteran of The Waltons and Dynasty.

Smaller roles are played by Charles Cirillo, Selby Dessner, Fritz Ford and Walter Smith.

What happens?

Jessica Fletcher travels to Quebec, where everyone has British accents, to testify as a character witness for her friend and fellow novelist, Jim Harlan. Six months prior, Jessica had been staying at the Harlan estate to help Jim proofread the galleys for his upcoming book. During that visit, a tragic explosion and fire leveled the garden house, killing Jim’s wife, Patricia.

While originally ruled an accident, new evidence has come to light. The authorities now believe Jim deliberately blew up the garden house to rid himself of a wife who was openly unfaithful and only interested in his wealth. Jessica, believing in Jim’s innocence, finds herself caught in a high-stakes legal battle led by the formidable and eccentric defense attorney Oliver Quayle.

As the trial progresses, Jessica begins to realize that her own memory of that night might be the key to the truth. She revisits the events leading up to the fire, seeking the missing pieces the police and the defense have overlooked. She realizes that the dynamics within the Harlan household, specifically the influence of Jim’s overprotective mother, Judith, are far more toxic than they appear.

While Jim and Patricia appeared affectionate, Patricia’s friend Monica Blane was present, and a mysterious interaction occurred between Patricia and the gardener. Patricia stayed behind for a 6:00 PM hair appointment while Jim drove Monica to the airport for a 7:40 PM flight. Jessica was dropped off at the Harlan townhouse at 6:30 PM, and the family gathered for dinner at 8:30 PM, where they received news of the fire.

It’s soon established that the fire was arson, caused by a disconnected gas line and a stove burner left open. There’s more evidence against J.B.’s friend, who testified he heard Jim threaten to kill Patricia after she demanded a divorce. Then, the medical examiner states that Patricia died from a blow to the head before the fire started. And to add to the timeline above, the sleazy owner of the Blue Sky Motel claims that Jim checked in with Monica Blane at 6:53 PM instead of just going to the airport.

In a shocking twist, the Crown calls Jessica to the stand to establish Jim’s whereabouts. However, the most entertaining segment occurs when Jim’s own lawyer, Oliver Quayle, cross-examines his own witness to discredit her. Quayle’s attack is a meta-commentary on the show itself. Just see the quotes below, as he points out that Jessica uses an alias (J.B. Fletcher), was once committed to an institution for the criminally insane (a reference to a book research trip) and highlights that her nieces and nephews — Victoria, Tracy and Grady — have all been arrested for murder.

Despite being dismissed by Quayle, Jessica continues her sleuthing. She learns that Patricia was an ex-convict being blackmailed by Monica. And while Patricia’s body was identified by her wedding ring, a valuable family brooch — an heirloom belonging to Jim’s grandmother — was missing from the scene.

Jessica realizes that a common thief or blackmailer would have taken the five-carat diamond rings, but only someone with sentimental ties would have specifically taken the brooch. Working with the Queen’s Counsel, Jessica sets a trap. They circulate a rumor that the gardener has the brooch. Predictably, the real killer arrives at the gardener’s shack to plant the evidence and frame him.

Who did it?

The shadowy figure is revealed to be Judith, Jim’s mother. Judith’s motive was protection and class-based elitism; she viewed Patricia as a common showgirl and an embezzler who was ruining her son’s life. Judith killed Patricia during a confrontation over her past and then set the fire to cover the crime, keeping the brooch simply because it was a family treasure she couldn’t bear to see destroyed. After Patricia was knocked unconscious (or killed) by the blow to the head, Judith staged a gas leak to cause the explosion, hoping the fire would destroy all evidence of the assault.

Who made it?

This was directed by Seymour Robbie and written by story editor Robert E. Swanson.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid? Does she get some?

No, this is another serious episode, and there’s no time for that. But the famous popcorn GIF? That’s from this episode!

Was it any good?

Yes, it actually shows that these stories take place in a universe and aren’t all one-shots.

Any trivia?

This episode is set in Canada, but no filming actually takes place there.

The crimes referred to in the dialogue between Jessica and Oliver Quayle come from:

Give me a reasonable quote:

Attorney: Mrs. Fletcher, have you ever used the alias J.B. Fletcher?

Jessica: Yes, on my books. They’re my initials.

Attorney: So you admit that you are a writer?

Jessica: Well, I’ve never felt any need to deny it. At least, uh, not so far.

Attorney: And it was in the guise of a writer that you wheedled your way into the confidence of the Harlan family?

Jessica: Wheedled?

Attorney: Do you deny that the plot for your next book was stolen from an unfinished manuscript by James Harlan?

Jessica: I certainly do.

Attorney: That is a matter we will leave for the civil courts to decide. … Mrs. J.B. Fletcher, have you any recollection of being committed to the State of Maine Institute for the Criminally Insane between the months of May and July in the year 1985?

Jessica: I was never committed anywhere. I entered the institution voluntarily.

Attorney: Under the care of Dr. Sidney Bachmann, who is a specialist in the field of criminal psychosis?

Jessica: Yes. I was researching a book.

Attorney: Indeed? What a perfect subterfuge.

Jessica: The book was called Sanitarium of Death. It was dedicated to Dr. Bachmann.

Attorney: Out of gratitude, no doubt, for the excellent care you received. Is it not a fact, Mrs. Fletcher, that a niece of yours, Victoria Griffin, was arrested for murder last year?

Jessica: Yes, but…

Attorney: Is it not a fact that another niece, Tracy McGill, was also arrested for murder?

Jessica: Yes, but I can explain.

Attorney: And that your nephew, Grady Fletcher, was arrested not once but twice, also on the charge of homicide?

Jessica: Yes, I know how that seems.

Attorney: Seems? Madam, it seems that one of New England’s most respected families is a breeding ground for homicidal maniacs!

Jessica: The charges were dropped in every single one of those cases.

Attorney: Dropped? Oh, yes, then indeed, you must also be one of the most powerful families in your country. … I have no further questions.

What’s next?

Jessica visits a convent to see a former sorority sister and winds up searching for a nun’s killer. Clu Gulager is in it!

CULTPIX MONTH: The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)

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After Disney made their movies and before Robert Rodriguez turned the masked swordsman into a high-budget nineties blockbuster franchise, as well as decades after Tyrone Power slashed his way through Old California, the grindhouse circuit decided Johnston McCulley’s legendary hero needed way fewer rules, way more nudity and a healthy dose of European co-production madness.

Enter The Erotic Adventures of Zorro, an incredibly bizarre, softcore sex-comedy-meets-swashbuckler hybrid directed by David F. Friedman alongside co-director Robert Freeman. Though the Italian poster credits William Russel, make no mistake: this thing is pure American grindhouse royalty disguised as an Euro-sleaze import.

Don Diego de la Vega (Douglas Frey, who you might know from The Erotic Adventures of Robin Hood—talking about finding your niche and staying with it) returns home from Spain only to find Los Angeles under the thumb of the tyrannical Commandante Esteban (John Lawrence). Diego plays the usual effeminate, weak-willed dandy by day to throw off suspicion, but by night, he slips on the black mask, grabs his rapier and rides out to defend the helpless, liberate the peasants, and… get absolutely everybody in Alta California out of their clothes.

Frey is actually a surprisingly good Zorro when he’s allowed to fight, handling the swordplay with a lot more athletic grace than you’d expect from a film aimed squarely at the raincoat crowd. The movie borrows heavily from the classic 1940 Mark of Zorro structure, including a final duel between Zorro and the villain that has genuine kinetic energy.

But because this was released in 1972 to fill independent drive-ins and urban grindhouses, the action is constantly interrupted by bedroom farces, broad slapstick and a jaunty, whistle-heavy score that sounds like it was lifted from a lost Italian sex comedy. Whenever Zorro isn’t carving a “Z” into a wall, he’s helping the local señoritas liberate themselves from their corsets or dealing with an array of colorful characters like Luis, his mute servant who uses a puppet to communicate.

It’s as fun as a classical Hollywood swashbuckler colliding head-on with the total creative lawlessness of the 1970s adult film boom can be. I mean, it’s shot on the sets of Duel in the Sun and Bob Cresse playing one of the bad guys, Sgt. Felipio Latio! Plus, it was shot by Ferd Sebastian, who would later make Gator Bait.

Actresses in the cast include Jacqueline Giroux from Drive-In Massacre; Lynn Harris (Bust Out, Blood Sabbath); Starlyn Simone (Video Vixens); Becky Sharpe (The Boob Tube) and Kathy Hilton, who appears in another erotic take on classic movies, The Amorous Adventures of Don Quixote and Sancho Panza.

Also: The makers of Zorro the Gay Blade owe this movie well, just about everything.

You can watch this on Cultpix.

CULTPIX MONTH: Aroused (1966)

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New York City in the mid-1960s is a gritty, gray, neon-lit concrete jungle and someone is making it a lot emptier. A brutal serial killer is stalking the rain-slicked streets of Manhattan, specifically targeting sex workers. Enter Detective Innes (Steve Hollister), a world-weary cop who looks like he’s fueled entirely by stale coffee and cheap cigarettes. He’s assigned to the case, diving headfirst into the city’s seedy underbelly to catch the psycho before the body count rises.

Meanwhile, we follow Mandy (Janine Lenon, who is great in this, but it’s her only acting role), a woman caught up in the life who becomes our emotional anchor. As Innes tracks the clues, the film shifts between a hardboiled police procedural and a voyeuristic, psychological look into the mind of a twisted killer with deep-seated mommy issues. It all builds to a tense, shadowy climax in a dingy apartment that feels entirely too close for comfort.

If you stumbled upon Aroused expecting a standard, sleazy exploitation flick based on the title alone, you’re in for a massive surprise. This is a fascinating missing link in American independent cinema. It’s a bridge that connects the classic film noir of the 1940s and 50s with the grimy, proto-slasher, and American giallo films of the 70s.

Director Anton Holden (Teenage Tramp) captures 1960s Manhattan with a documentary-like realism. There’s no Hollywood glamor here. The streets look cold, the apartments look cramped, and you can practically smell the exhaust fumes and cloying perfume. The black-and-white cinematography by Dejan Georgevitich is gorgeous, utilizing sharp contrasts, deep shadows, and tight framing that make the city feel like a claustrophobic trap.

While budget constraints are evident in some of the pacing and looping audio, the film elevates itself through sheer atmosphere. The jazz score keeps things moving with a restless, anxious energy. It’s a bleak, cynical, yet strangely artistic piece of grindhouse history that deserves a lot more respect than its title implies.

While director Holden worked in the sound department on many movies and TV shows, co-writer Richard B. Shull went on to have a massive career as a character actor. You’ve probably seen him in similar but higher-budget Klute, as well as Splash and Housesitter. 

The killer even has mannequin heads all over his apartment, a full decade before Maniac.

You can watch this on Cultpix.

Tales from the Darkside S2 E22: The Unhappy Medium (1986)

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Reverend Farley Bright is dead. Or, at the very least, he’s finished with his earthly tenure of shaking down the elderly for seed money in the name of the Lord to his Church of a Better Tomorrow. He’s the kind of larger-than-life charlatan that would make Jimmy Swaggart look like a wallflower.

His family — a collection of archetypes that feel like they wandered off a Tennessee Williams set and took a wrong turn into a George Romero production, which is exactly what they are — has gathered for the reading of the will. They’re all expecting a piece of the golden pie, but Grady isn’t done performing. He returns via a séance (or perhaps just some high-end spiritual stagecraft) to run one last long-con from the Great Beyond.

Between Connie Stevens (playing the sister), Carolyn Ann Clark (as the niece who exposed the con), Richard Kuhlman (as the heir to the Electronic Church) and Peter Miller (as Farley), everyone in this episode understands the assignment. It’s loud and gloriously over-the-top. The Reverend Grady is a masterpiece of grotesque charm, a man who treated faith like a financial instrument and continues to cook the books even when he doesn’t have a pulse. He was a man who spent his life selling tickets to a Heaven he didn’t believe in and warning against a Hell he didn’t fear. The twist, that neither side wants his paperwork processed, leaving him stuck in a metaphysical limbo in his own church, is the kind of justice that would make the Crypt Keeper cackle.

This was directed by Dusty Nelson, who brought us one of the best movies ever made on making movies, Effects. It was written by Edithe Swensen, a TV vet who wrote episodes for this show and Monsters. I love this episode, because it uses the short format of Tales to tell a moral story, not simply a scary one.

B & S About Movies podcast Episode 139: Donald Pleasence

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I’m a huge fan of Donald Pleasence and this episode, I’ll be talking about Night Creature, Tales That Witness Madness, You Only Live Twice and Double Target.

You can listen to the show on Spotify.

The show is also available on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Amazon Podcasts, Podchaser and Google Podcasts

Important links:

Theme song: Strip Search by Neal Gardner

Closing song: Botany 500 by Dawn Davenport and the Window Breakers

Donate to our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi page⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

CULTPIX MONTH: Dr. Cyclops (1940)

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If you love The Incredible Shrinking Man or Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, you need to pay your respects to the granddaddy of them all. Directed by Ernest B. Schoedsack, the same absolute legend who gave us King Kong, this movie is a landmark for a massive reason: it is the very first American horror film shot in glorious, full three-strip Technicolor.

Before this, we had two-color freakouts like Doctor X and Mystery of the Wax Museum, but Dr. Cyclops brings the vivid, saturated, comic-book-pulp look right into your eyeballs.

We head deep into the Peruvian jungle, where Albert Dekker plays Dr. Alexander Thorkel, a bald, nearsighted mad scientist rocking some seriously thick glasses (hence the “Cyclops” nickname). Thorkel has discovered a rich uranium ore deposit and figured out a way to use cosmic radiation to shrink living things. Why? Because he wants to shrink all of humanity to reduce our carbon footprint! Is he really the hero?

Because his eyesight is shot, he invites a team of American biologists down to Peru just to look at a microscope slide for him. They point out some iron crystal contamination. He says, “Cool, thanks, now get out,” and tries to pack them home. Naturally, the biologists are pissed that they traveled thousands of miles to be the Geek Squad for a five-minute tech support gig, so they camp out to spy on him. Big mistake. Thorkel lures them into his radiation chamber and zaps ’em down to a mere twelve inches tall!

What follows is a wild jungle-survival game where our tiny heroes have to fight off giant house cats, hide in specimen boxes and plot to murder their giant tormentor by smashing his glasses and rigging his own shotgun against him.

Variety hated it at the time, calling it dull, but honestly? They missed the fun. It’s got that beautiful, dreamlike, pale Technicolor look that makes it feel like an ancient fairy tale come to life. It’s so gorgeous! Plus, looking back with 21st-century eyes, the movie is weirdly prophetic. Thorkel is mining uranium to power a weapon of mass alteration, and with his shaved head and thick glasses, he accidentally predated the wartime imagery of the era. 

You can watch it on Cultpix.

CULTPIX MONTH: Criminally Insane (1975)

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Filmed in San Francisco for what looks like the cost of a couple of cases of cheap beer and a trip to the butcher shop and clocking in at just over an hour, Nick Imllard’s Criminally Insane is the opposite of its alt title, Crazy Fat Ethel. It’s lean, mean and ready to pounce.

Meet Ethel Janowski (Priscilla Alden). She’s just been released from an asylum into the care of her long-suffering grandmother. The doctors think Ethel is cured. The doctors are wrong.

Ethel doesn’t want to reintegrate into society; she just wants to eat. Constant, non-stop, uninterrupted consumption. Soft-boiled eggs, whole loaves of bread, chocolate syrup straight from the bottle — if it fits on a plate, Ethel is shoving it down her throat.

The conflict arises when Grandma, concerned for both Ethel’s health and her own mounting grocery bills, decides to put a padlock on the refrigerator door. Big mistake. Huge. You don’t get between Ethel and her snacks. What follows is a slow-motion, butcher-knife-wielding rampage where Grandma (Jane Lambert), a local delivery boy and anyone else who dares step into the kitchen gets brutally, systematically eliminated.

Ethel isn’t just killing people; she’s hiding the bodies in the bedrooms, leading to a house full of flies, stench and the absolute peak of mid-70s drive-in atmosphere. With her heavy breathing, intense glares, and total commitment to the bit, Priscilla Alden created an unforgettable slasher icon before the slasher genre even had its official rules written. She doesn’t need a hockey mask or a dream world. She just needs a sharp object and an empty stomach.

This movie is ugly, poorly lit and has a music score that sounds like someone dropping a synthesizer down a flight of stairs. In short — I love it. Plus, you get George “Buck” Flower as a detective, blood with no wounds and the material that Millard would recycle into the sequel and the films Cemetery Sisters, Death Nurse and Death Nurse 2. 

You can watch this on Cultpix.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Penitentiary (1979)

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Every now and then, you run into a movie that doesn’t just want to tell you a story. It wants to grab you by the balls, kick your dick in the dirt and make you watch every single second of grit, sweat and survival it can muster.

Jamaa Fanaka didn’t just make a prison film with Penitentiary. He made an independent powerhouse that feels like a cross between an exploitation masterpiece, a Rocky-style sports melodrama and a hyper-real slice of late-70s street life.

If you’re looking for high-art subtlety, look elsewhere. But if you want pure, unfiltered cinematic adrenaline? Step right up to the cellblock.

Leon Isaac Kennedy stars as Martel “Too Sweet” Gordone, a hitchhiker who finds himself in the wrong place at the worst possible time. After getting mixed up in a diner brawl that ends in a fatality, Too Sweet gets railroaded by the system and thrown into the state pen.

Now, we’ve all seen prison flicks. But Fanaka, who shot large portions of this at the Lincoln Heights Jail in L.A., infuses the scenery with an exhausting, authentic claustrophobia. Too Sweet isn’t a hardened criminal. He’s just a guy who likes sugar in his coffee and wants to keep his head down. But the prison ecosystem doesn’t let anyone just exist.

Enter Half Dead, played with terrifying, scenery-chewing brilliance by Badja Djola. Half Dead is the cellblock kingpin, a mountain of a man who decides Too Sweet is his next target. The first third of this movie is an escalating, tension-filled nightmare as Too Sweet realizes he has exactly two options: submit or fight back with everything he has.

When the inevitable explosion happens, it’s brutal. Too Sweet stands his ground, uses his fists and catches the eye of the prison’s boxing coach, Ernie (Floyd Chatman). From there, the movie shifts gears into an underground boxing tournament where the ultimate prize isn’t just a trophy. It’s an early parole.

What elevates Penitentiary above standard grindhouse fare is Fanaka’s direction. As a graduate of the UCLA Film School (and part of the L.A. Rebellion movement), he doesn’t just shoot violence for the sake of a cheap thrill. He treats the boxing matches like gladiatorial theater. The camera gets right in the middle of the sweat, the flying spit and the thud of leather against ribs. Kennedy puts everything he has into the performance, looking genuinely exhausted and driven by pure survival instinct. The fight scenes took three days to film with no stunt doubles. Kennedy broke two of his ribs and lost two teeth.

It’s got that raw, independent edge where the budget might be low, but the ambition is scraping the ceiling. The soundtrack bumps with a gritty, funk-laden soul that keeps the energy moving even when the plot takes a breather to look at the institutional corruption keeping these men caged.

Somehow, the sequels are even better.

You can watch this on Tubi.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Parents (1989)

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Directed by Bob Balaban (yes, the guy from Christopher Guest comedies) and written by Christopher Hawthorne. Parents finds the Laemle family — Nick (Randy Quaid), Lily (Mary Beth Hurt) and Michael (Bryan Madorsky) moving into the California suburbs. Between seeing his parents making love and watching his father do an autopsy, Michael is a bit screwed up. His dreams are horrible and he believes his parents are cannibals. But what if he’s right?

But what can you do when your parents want to feed you the meat of your guidance counselor, Millie Dew (Sandy Dennis)?

The film’s most unsettling quality is its visual obsession with food. Director Bob Balaban utilized macro photography and heightened sound design to make the sound of a knife hitting a plate or the sight of a pot roast look like a crime scene. To make the mystery meat look particularly unappetizing and gelatinous, the production used a mix of brisket, food coloring and heavy amounts of glaze.

Siskel and Ebert disagreed on this; a big surprise was that Gene loved it and Roger didn’t. However, Ken Russell compared it to Blue Velvet and claimed that it was better than Lynch’s movie.

While Randy Quaid has certainly moved into legitimately weird territory in real life over the last decade, his performance in Parents is often cited by critics as a masterclass in repressed 1950s aggression. He isn’t playing crazy. He’s playing a man who is desperately trying to appear normal, which is much scarier.

You can watch this on Tubi.