April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama 2026 Primer

April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre in Vandergrift, PA on April 24 and 25, 2026. Admission is still only $15 per person each night (children 12 and under free with adult) and overnight camping is available (breakfast included). You can buy tickets at the show, but get there early and learn more here.

The features for Friday, April 24 are Prince of DarknessPopcornFade to Black and Evilspeak.

Saturday, April 25 has Halloween 4Halloween 5A Bay of Blood and Funeral Home.

Here are the drinks for the first night:

Anti-God

  • 1.5 oz green apple vodka
  • .5 oz. Midori
  • .5 oz. Sour Apple Pucker
  • 4 oz. lemonade
  • .25 oz. lemon juice
  • .25 oz. lime juice
  1. Pour it all in a shaker with ice.
  2. Pour and enjoy. You will not be saved by the holy ghost. You will not be saved by the god Plutonium. In fact, YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED!

Possessor

  • 2 oz popcorn-infused rum
  • .75 oz. fresh lemon juice
  • .5 oz. simple syrup
  • 1 egg white
  • Pinch of salt
  1. In a clean glass jar with a lid, combine the 1 cup buttered popcorn and 1 cup rum. Seal the jar and leave at room temperature for 2 hours. Strain, then throw away the popcorn.
  2. Put the rum, lemon juice, simple syrup and egg white in a shaker with no ice and shake for 30 seconds; shake again with ice. Sprinkle with salt.

For night two:

Tipsy Tina

  • 8 oz. orange juice
  • 12 oz. orange soda
  • 4 oz. rum
  1. Pour rum over ice.
  2. Follow with soda and juice.

Bay of Breeze (AKA Thirst of the Death Nerve)

  • 2 oz. cranberry juice
  • 2 oz. pineapple juice
  • 1 1/2 oz. vodka
  • 1/2 oz. lime juice
  1. Combine ingredients over ice.
  2. Stir and serve, then die.

See you at the drive-in.

MUBI 4K UHD and BLU-RAY RELEASE: Die My Love (2025)

Lynne Ramsay doesn’t make movies; she makes scars on film. From the sensory overload of Ratcatcher to the stone-cold dread of You Were Never Really Here, she’s a filmmaker who understands that the loudest screams are usually the ones kept inside.

With Die My Love, she takes Ariana Harwicz’s accidental trilogy of domestic horror and turns it into a neon-soaked, dirt-stained Montana nightmare that feels like a spiritual successor to Possession by way of a Sam Shepard play.

Jennifer Lawrence is Grace, a woman who hasn’t just lost the plot; she’s actively burning the book, the encylocpedia and an entire library. She’s moved from New York to a dead uncle’s house in rural Montana with Jackson (Robert Pattinson). If you think this is a finding yourself in the country flick, you haven’t been paying attention. This is a house haunted not by ghosts, but by the suicide of the previous owner and the crushing weight of a newborn baby that Grace can’t seem to connect with.

Jackson is rying his best but failing miserably. He brings home a stray dog to fix a broken heart, but Grace isn’t looking for a pet. In a scene that’ll make your skin crawl, she handles the dog’s injury with a shotgun because Jackson won’t. If this makes you hate her, I doubt she cares.

Despite having a fling with a biker (LaKeith Stanfield) and throwing herself through a glass door, they still get married. What a ceremony: Grace headbutts a mirror in a bridal suite while a concierge sings to her.

The supporting cast is legendary. Nick Nolte and Sissy Spacek show up to remind us that generational trauma is the gift that keeps on giving. When Grace is finally cured and released from the asylum, she returns to a house that’s been scrubbed clean of her personality and a baby that’s been renamed after a dead man. It’s the ultimate gaslight, so why not just set the whole house ablaze and, well, run right into it?

This isn’t a fun watch, but if you love melodrama, this is for you.

Not Without Hope (2025)

Four buddies— — including NFL stars Marquis Cooper (Quentin Plair) and Corey Smith (Terrence Terrell ) — sailt out for a day of fishing in the Gulf of Mexico. A stuck anchor, a nasty storm and a capsized boat turn a bro getaway into a wet, freezing nightmare. Only one man makes it back to tell the tale.

Joe Carnahan is a guy who usually specializes in action movies like Narc, The A-Team and Boss Level. The men in his movies are rugged, the dialogue snappy, and the stunts in-your-face. Seeing him take on the real-life tragedy of Nick Schuyler feels like a bit of a pivot, even if it still fits into his wheelhouse of masculine endurance.

Based on Schuyler’s book, Not Without Hope tells the story of the 2009 tragedy in which a fishing trip turned into a desperate fight against the elements. If you’ve seen The Perfect Storm or Adrift, you know the beats: the hubris of men against nature, the one last trip vibes and the realization that the ocean doesn’t care about you or your Pro Bowl stats.

Nick (Zachary Levi), Tim(Josh Duhamel), Cooper and Smith head out to Cooper’s Hole, a prime fishing spot fifty miles offshore. They ignore the storm warnings. Then, the anchor gets snagged, they try to gun the engine, and the boat flips. Suddenly, our heroes are clinging to a hull in the middle of a storm.

The irony of the film and the real-life story is a bitter pill: the NFL players, Cooper and Smith, were in such peak physical condition that they had almost no body fat. When hypothermia set in, they had no insulation. They succumb to the cold and the sheer mental break of the situation, eventually drifting away into the dark.

As the Coast Guard (led by Timothy Close) hunts for them, the film cuts back and forth between the wives waiting by the phone and the men losing their minds in the water. In the end, it comes down to Nick and Will. In a moment of ultimate sacrifice, Will refuses the life jacket to give Nick a better shot. Nick survives not just because of his will to live, but because, ironically, he wasn’t as shredded as his NFL friends, giving him just enough biological fuel to last until the rescue helo spotted him.

The end credits show real-life footage of the men,a s well as Nick’s interview with Oprah to remind you that while the movie might feel like a template, the grief of these families was very real.

ARROW 4K UHD AND BLU-RAY RELEASE: Innerspace (1987)

I worship at the altar of Joe Dante. Who else could work for Spielberg and deliver Looney Tunes logic, EC Comics gore and more character actor cameos than a Hollywood funeral? Innerspace is Dante working at the peak of his studio powers, taking the high-concept DNA of Fantastic Voyage and mutating it into a manic, sweaty, screwball buddy comedy.

Speaking of that Raquel Welch shrinkage movie, the lab’s instrumentation shows a screen reading of six interlinked hexagons. This is the symbol that the Combined Miniature Deterrent Forces used in that film.

Tuck Pendleton (Dennis Quaid) is a hard-drinking, hot-shot pilot who’s volunteered for a miniaturization experiment. The plan? Shrink him and his high-tech sub, then inject him into a rabbit. But because this is a Joe Dante film, things go wrong immediately. High-tech industrial spies, led by the deliciously icy Margaret Canker (Fiona Lewis) and the scenery-chewing Mr. Igoe (Vernon Wells), storm the lab.

In the chaos, Tuck ends up injected into the ass of Jack Putter (Martin Short), a neurotic, hypochondriac grocery clerk who is having the worst day of his life. Now, Tuck has to navigate Jack’s nervous system while Jack has to find his courage (and Tuck’s estranged girlfriend, Lydia, played by Meg Ryan) to get the miniaturization chips back before Tuck runs out of oxygen or the villains extract him with a vacuum.

This begins as a sci-fi thriller, turns into a body-horror comedy and ends as a full-blown caper. Martin Short delivers one of the decade’s greatest physical comedy performances. I mean, his possession dance to Sam Cooke’sTwistin’ the Night Awayis worth the price of admission alone. Quaid plays the ultimate charming jerk in a cockpit and the chemistry between the duo is electric.

The real stars are the practical effects. Dennis Muren and the crew at ILM won an Oscar for this, and I agree that they deserved it. When Tuck is floating through the bloodstream or dodging stomach acid, it feels real. It’s a love letter to theImpossible Voyagegenre, dressed up in a Hawaiian shirt and holding a beer.

Because it’s Dante, keep your eyes peeled for Dick Miller (as a cab driver), John Hora, William Schallert, Henry Gibson, Robert Picardo (as The Cowboy), Kevin McCarthy, Kathleen Freeman and Wendy Schaal. There are also appearances by animator Chuck Jones, New York Doll ArthurKillerKane, and rock-and-roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis. And hey, there’s Andrea Martin and Joe Flaherty in the waiting room scene! Plus, if you love movies shot at the Sherman Oaks Galleria (Chopping MallPhantom of the Mall), this was made there and at Northridge Mall (The Karate KidSuperbad, Terminator 2Mausoleum).

The Arrow Video release of Innerspace features a brand-new restoration from the original 35mm negative, approved by director Joe Dante. Extras include a new audio commentary by film critic Drew McWeeny; an archive audio commentary with director Joe Dante, producer Michael Finnell, visual effects supervisor Dennis Muren and actors Kevin McCarthy and Robert Picardo; a brand new hour-long documentary featuring newly filmed interviews with director Joe Dante, producer Michael Finnell, visual effects supervisor Dennis Muren, visual effects artists Harley Jessup and Bill George; behind the scenes features; storyboards; continuity polaroids; a production stills gallery; posters and promo stills gallery and a theatrical trailer. It all comes inside a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Doug John Miller. It includes a double-sided fold-out poster featuring two original artwork options, a collector’s perfect-bound booklet featuring new writing by film critics Charlie Brigden, Michael Doyle, Josh Nelson, Jessica Scott and Andrea Subissati, plus a short guide to Joe Dante’s stock company by Scott Saslow and the original exhibitors’ pamphlet. You can get this on 4K UHD or Blu-ray from MVD.

April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama 2026 Primer: Funeral Home (1980)

April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre in Vandergrift, PA on April 24 and 25, 2026. Admission is still only $15 per person each night (children 12 and under free with adult) and overnight camping is available (breakfast included). You can buy tickets at the show, but get there early and learn more here.

The features for Friday, April 24 are Prince of DarknessPopcornFade to Black and Evilspeak.

Saturday, April 25 has Halloween 4Halloween 5A Bay of Blood and Funeral Home.

Oh, Canada. Your horror movies are so strange, so unlike anywhere else. You remain such a polite country, our neighbor to the north, yet you’ve given us Cronenberg’s body horror, a black Christmas and more tax-shelter slashers than one human can possibly consume. What strange horrors have you brought to me today? Oh look—it’s 1980’s Funeral Home, otherwise known by the much better (and far more Giallo-esque) title Cries in the Night.

Heather—played by Lesleh Donaldson, the quintessential Canadian scream queen who also graced Curtains and Happy Birthday to Me—is spending the summer in a small town with her grandmother, Maude (Kay Hawtrey). Maude has turned her home, which was once a funeral home, into a quaint inn. It’s the kind of business plan that only works in horror movies or if you’re looking to attract the kind of tourists who find the smell of formaldehyde rustic. Maude’s husband has been missing for several years, so she also makes ends meet by selling artificial flowers. She even has her own handyman, Billy (Jack Van Evera), who is mentally challenged in that way that 80s horror movies always portrayed: wearing overalls and acting as a giant, walking red herring.

The only problem is that when people check in, they end up missing. Like that unmarried adulterous couple—because in 1980, checking into a motel for a tryst was basically a signed death warrant. And that real estate developer who wants to buy the land. You know the rule: if you have a briefcase and a suit in a slasher movie, you’re getting a sharp object in your chest before the first act is over.

And when Heather comes home at night, she hears her grandmother talking to someone who isn’t there in the basement. It’s like Psycho, but with more maple syrup and a much slower pace.

Director William Fruet—who gave us the absolutely harrowing Death Weekend (AKA The House by the Lake) and went on to direct episodes of Goosebumps and Friday the 13th: The Series—keeps things atmospheric, even if the “shocker” ending feels like it was lifted directly from Mother Bates’ diary.

Well, it seems like Heather’s grandfather was having an affair with Helena Davis, a fact her grandmother denies to everyone, including Helena’s husband, Mr. Davis (played by Barry Morse, the Inspector from TV’s original The Fugitive). Unfortunately for the Inspector, he doesn’t find the “one-armed man” here; he just finds a pickaxe to the head.

Heather and her boyfriend Rick start investigating, finally finding the corpse of her grandfather in the cellar. Turns out, Maude hasn’t been lonely at all. She’s been keeping Grandpa’s remains in a box and developed a split personality to keep him alive. Now, Maude speaks with his gravelly voice and comes after them with an axe. It’s a total Grand Guignol moment that reminds us that grandmas in horror movies are never just baking cookies. Luckily, the police arrive just in time to stop the family reunion from getting any bloodier.

As the credits roll, the cops explain the entire plot to us in an exhaustive monologue. It’s such a weird ending, with an overly long explanation fighting for screen time with the names of the gaffers and best boys. It’s like the movie didn’t trust you to understand that “Grandma is crazy,” so they brought in the local PD to give a PowerPoint presentation.

And if you’re a purveyor of films with ripped-off artwork—and let’s be honest, who isn’t?—then check out the 1988 supernatural flick Through the Fire. It steals the Funeral Home theatrical and VHS artwork of the screaming face in the window almost pixel for pixel. In the world of regional horror and budget distribution, why pay for a new painting when you can just trace someone else’s nightmares?

Funeral Home isn’t going to change your life, but for fans of slow-burn Canadian creepiness and Lesleh Donaldson’s lungs, it’s a solid double-feature pairing with The Hearse. Just don’t go in the basement. Or the garage. Or Canada.

April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama 2026 Primer: A Bay of Blood (1971)

April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre in Vandergrift, PA on April 24 and 25, 2026. Admission is still only $15 per person each night (children 12 and under free with adult) and overnight camping is available (breakfast included). You can buy tickets at the show, but get there early and learn more here.

The features for Friday, April 24 are Prince of DarknessPopcornFade to Black and Evilspeak.

Saturday, April 25 has Halloween 4Halloween 5A Bay of Blood and Funeral Home.

Also known as Ecology of Crime, Chain Reaction, Carnage, Twitch of the Death Nerve, Blood Bath, Last House on the Left – Part II and New House on the Left, this is the most violent and nihilistic of all of Mario Bava’s films. It started as a story idea so that Bava could work with Laura Betti (Hatchet for the Honeymoon) again, with the original titles of Stench of Flesh and Thus We Do Live to Be Evil, but had a virtual litany of writers get involved, including producer Giuseppe Zaccariello, Filippo Ottoni, Sergio Canevari, Dardano Sacchetti and Franco Barberi.

Bava was devoted to the film, and its low budget meant he would also serve as his own cinematographer, often creating innovative tracking shots with a toy wagon and relying on in-camera tricks to make the location seem much more expansive than it was. In fact, most of the lush forest was actually just Bava moving a few branches in front of the lens to hide the fact that they were filming in someone’s backyard.

There are thirteen murders in the film, many of which are incredibly gory, thanks to the skill of Carlo Rambaldi, as several characters vie to inherit the titular bay. Rambaldi, who would go on to create the lovable E.T., was clearly in a much darker headspace here, crafting throat-slashes and decapitations that look painfully wet even fifty years later.

The film divides critics and fans: some see it as pure gore, while others see it as the nuanced films Bava is known for. For example, Christopher Lee went on record saying he found the movie revolting. This from a guy who played Dracula ten times! If the Count thinks you’ve gone too far, you’re doing something right.

It also gave rise to the slasher genre, as every film that follows owes it a debt of gory gratitude. And some owe it plenty more, in particular Friday the 13th Part 2, which copies two of the kills in this film shot-for-shot. Steve Miner didn’t just take notes; he took the whole damn blueprint.

The story is all over the place and has a mix of dark humor and pure meanness at its core, starting with Filippo Donati strangling his wife, Countess Federica, before being stabbed and killed scant seconds later. His corpse is dragged to the bay, where his murder goes undiscovered as detectives begin their investigation into the death of the Countess.

That’s when we meet Frank (Chris Avram, Enter the Devil), a real estate agent, and his girlfriend Laura (Anna Maria Rosati), who plot to take over the bay. They were working with Donati to kill his wife and now need his signature, but don’t realize that he is already fish food.

Meanwhile, four teenagers hear about the murders and break into the mansion. One of them, Brunhilda, skinny dips in the bay until the dead corpse of Donati surfaces and touches her. She screams and runs toward the mansion, only to be killed by an unseen murderer holding a billhook. That killer uses that same weapon to kill her boyfriend, Bobby, then he impales Duke and Denise together with a spear while they’re having sex. Here’s a good lesson that I constantly yell: don’t fuck in the woods, don’t fuck in a haunted house, don’t fuck when a killer is about.

The killer turns out to be the Countess’s illegitimate son, Simon (Claudio Volonté, brother of Gian Maria Volonté), who is wiping out everyone under Frank’s orders. Renata (Claudine Auger, Domino from Thunderball) shows up to throw a wrench in the work, as she’s the Countess’ real daughter. Along with her husband, Albert (Luigi Pistilli, who Western fans will recognize from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly), she begins to make plans to kill her half-brother.

What follows is a near Grand Guignol of back-and-forth murder: Frank attacks Renata, who turns the tables and stabs him with a knife. Paolo, the entomologist who lives on the estate grounds (played by Leopoldo Trieste, whom Bava fans know from The Girl Who Knew Too Much), sees the killing but is strangled by Albert before he can call the police, and his wife is decapitated with an axe. Laura shows up, but Simon strangles her to death before Albert kills him. Frank shows up again, but Albert takes him out, leaving Renata as the sole heir.

They return home to await being awarded the money, but as they get to the front door, their children shoot them with a shotgun, thinking they are playing with their parents. Bored with the game and how long their parents have been playing dead, the kids run out to play another game. It’s an ending that can be viewed as pure comedy or a sad comment on humanity. Maybe both. It’s the ultimate “fuck you” to the audience, suggesting that greed and violence are literally in our DNA.

Bay of Blood isn’t the Gothic art of past Bava films like Black Sunday, but it’s not trash. It’s a mean-spirited and brilliantly executed exercise in style. It’s also been claimed to have been Bava’s favorite film that he directed, perhaps because he finally got to strip away the romance and show the world for the meat grinder it is. Dario Argento adores the movie so much that he literally stole a print of it from a theater! If you ever find yourself in Rome and see Dario running down the street with a film canister, now you know why.

APRIL MOVIE THON DAY 23: Summer Camp Nightmare (1987)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Adam Hursey is a pharmacist specializing in health informatics by day, but his true passion is cinema. His current favorite films are Back to the Future, Stop Making Sense, and In the Mood for Love. He has written articles for Film East and The Physical Media Advocate, primarily examining older films through the lens of contemporary perspectives. He is usually found on Letterboxd, where he mainly writes about horror and exploitation films. You can follow him on Letterboxd or Instagram at ashursey. His April Movie Thon list is here.

April 23: Off Field On Screen — Draft a film that has a sports figure as its star. Bonus points if it’s not a biography of themselves!

Before grabbing a gun and taking on his iconic role in The Rifleman, Chuck Conners had already led a varied, interesting life. Like most men of his generation, he served in the military, putting any aspirations he had on hold while serving his country during World War II. Upon discharge, he went back to his first love–sports. And not just one. Well before athletes such as Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders (and, less successfully, Michael Jordan) attempted to excel at multiple professional levels, Conners played in both the NBA (for the Boston Celtics) and MLB (for the Brooklyn Dodgers and Chicago Cubs). Fun fact from Wikipedia: Conners was the first player in the NBA to break a backboard, which broke due to taking a shot, not a slam dunk. I would love to see how this happened! What material did they use to make backboards back then? Was it wood? Was it termite infested? Inquiring minds want to know.

Conners soon realized that he was not going to make a career out of either sport, so he did what many former athletes do when pivoting to a new occupation–try acting. After minor roles in various film and television series, Conners landed the role that would change his life–Burn Sanderson in Walt Disney’s Old Yeller. Sanderson shows up to the Coates’ ranch looking to reclaim his egg-sucking yellow dog. What could have been a villainous sort of role quickly turns wholesome as Sanderson sees the need for Old Yeller to stay with Travis, giving tips about marking hogs and even warning him about “hydrophobie” in the area (AKA Chekov’s Rabies).

As luck would have it, the producers looking to cast the lead in The Rifleman took their children to see Old Yeller and were struck by the fatherly screen presence of Conners, increasing their offer and giving him the role that would, for better or worse, define him for most of his career. 

After The Rifleman, Conners was typecast in similar roles, unable to break away from the clean cut image of Lucas McCain. But thanks to films in the 1970s such as The Mad Bomber, Tourist Trap, and the miniseries Roots, Conners was able to showcase his talent extended beyond playing Mr. Nice Guy. In fact, similar to Andy Griffith, he might have excelled even more under sinister roles.

In 1987, Conners took on the role of Mr. Warren, the religious, uptight new director of Camp North Pines in Summer Camp Nightmare. While the film’s title suggests that it is attempting to capitalize on the summer camp based slasher films that were popular earlier in the decade, Summer Camp Nightmare is less about the horrors of a killer and more about the horrors of unchecked humanity. Based on a 1961 book entitled The Butterfly Revolution, the campers in this film find themselves elevating counselor Franklin to what initially feels like a harmless rebellion against Conners Mr. Warren, but quickly devolves into a full out dictatorship where anyone who goes against Franklin’s policies are eliminated.

The film starts out as a fun time. It is rare to find horror films set in a camp to actually have campers. All of the characters are likable here–the sort of camp I always wish I had been able to attend, but never did out of fear of being bullied (hey, it was the 80’s. Bullying kids with glasses was very en vogue).  Mr. Warren is an easy person for the youth to rebel against. He only allows religious programming on the television in the common area. He begrudgingly allows the boy’s and girl’s camps to intermingle, but quickly forbids it at the first appearance of tom foolery. And Franklin appears to be innocent enough, a quiet counselor who jumps into the water to save our narrator Donald. But his rise to power at the camp ends up being a metaphor for the dangers of Communism (the original novel was written at the beginning of the Cold War, which was wrapping up by 1987). 

Conners is not given much to do here. The role is pretty one note. But I do love seeing him in these twisted sort of roles. Nothing tops Tourist Trap, but it does not have to. Summer Camp Nightmare might be light on horror, but I still found it to be interesting enough to recommend. It is a film that definitely should be rescued from VHS, having never even received a DVD release. I would buy it. If nothing else, just for the performance of a song where two guys sing the song by Fear entitled Beef Bologna, much to the chagrin of Chuck Conners.

APRIL MOVIE THON DAY 23: Midnight Heat (1996)

April 23: Off Field On Screen — Draft a film that has a sports figure as its star. Bonus points if it’s not a biography of themselves!

Also known as Blackout, this is all about John Gray (Brian Bosworth), a banker who loses his memory after he’s hit by a car. John’s recovery is anything but peaceful. He’s haunted by fragmented, visceral flashbacks of a life filled with blood, chrome and chaos. These images don’t fit the suit-and-tie world he currently inhabits. When he returns home only to witness his wife’s brutal murder, the mystery turns into a desperate race for survival.

Directed by Allan A. Goldstein (2001: A Space TravestyDeath Wish V) and written by Ruben Gordon and Steve Schoenberg (Legion of Iron), we learn that John was once part of a gang led by Thomas Payne (Brad Dourif) and that they may have robbed a bank at some point or another. John’s real name? Wayne Garret. So he’s John/Wayne.

This won’t be the best movie you’ve ever seen. It won’t be the best Boz movie you’ve ever seen, as that would be Stone Cold. It is, however, like a great cheap Chinese meal. It’s filling for a bit, it’s not that bad and you won’t remember it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Massacre of Pleasure (1966)

Made in Germany as Mädchenhandel lohnt sich nicht, this is a black-and-white dive into the gutter that feels like it was filmed in the shadow of a rainy alleyway. We’ve got a plot that would make a grindhouse theater owner weep with joy: shady characters luring women to parties, drugging them and peddling them off for cold hard cash and fixes.

According to a reviewer on Letterboxd, in the German version, the nude scenes have been surgically removed. In their place? An off-screen ballad-singing duo who pipes up like a Greek chorus of morality. They don’t just sing; they warn the audience about the soul-crushing reality of trafficking and, at times, literally narrate exactly what is happening on screen as if we’ve suddenly gone blind.

This has a lot and maybe it all, like a street preacher who is screaming about the end of the world, slapflights, an evil boat nightclub, a bad guy named Pretty Boy who is surrounded by women who love him, a cop named Oscar who hangs people by their ankles, a one-eyed bad guy named Willie, big French hair and all dubbed dialogue.

This was directed by Jean-Pierre Bastid, whose book Laissez bronzer les cadavres! was filmed as Let the Corpses Tan. He also directed an erotic horror movie called Hallucinations sadiques and the mondo Les teenagers.

You can watch this on YouTube.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Marta (1971)

Marisa Mell is the female George Eastman. No, she doesn’t act like a wide-eyed gigantic maniac in every movie. It’s just that no matter what movie she appears in, just her name being in the credits guarantees that I will watch the film.

Also known as …dopo di che, uccide il maschio e lo divora (…After That, It Kills the Male and Devours It), which is one of the best titles ever.

A wealthy landowner named Don Miguel (Stephen Boyd, who was in Ben-Hur) is haunted by his dead mother and missing wife — who may have been murdered — when he meets a gorgeous runaway named Marta (Mell), who may have killed the man who she was running from.

I haven’t seen any of José Antonio Nieves Conde’s films before, but this movie makes me want to watch every single one of them.

The strange thing is that this movie pretty much became true in a way, as Boyd and Mell fell in love, as they made this and The Great Swindle one on top of the other*. Despite Boyd not wanting anything to do with Mell at first — was the man made of stone? — he eventually fell for her and they married in a gypsy ceremony near Madrid, cutting their wrists and sealing their blood. The couple was so possessed by the mystical and sexual desire they felt for one another that they even went to have it exorcized in another ritual.

Boyd had to run from her, as the relationship physically and mentally exhausted him. As for Mell, she’d tell the Akron Beacon Journal that “We both believe in reincarnation, and we realized we’ve already been lovers in three different lifetimes, and in each one I made him suffer terribly.”

In the same year that all this happened, Mell was also dating Pier Luigi Torri, an aristocratic nightclub owner who fled the country after a cocaine scandal. Arrested in London after it was discovered he had a $300 million dollar gold mine and had also scammed a bank, he somehow escaped his jail cell and ran from the police across rooftops, escaping to America for 18 months. Evidently, Mell dated Diabolik in art and in life.

So let’s talk about the Mell relationship in the film instead of reality. She has come to live with Miguel, who collects insects and has two servants who keep things tidy. She enters his life by claiming that she is on the run for a self-defense murder. Miguel decides to protect her from the police because she looks like his wife Pilar (also played by Mell) who has left him or was killed. He’s also tormented by the death of his sainted mother while she may not be who she says that she is.

Oh yeah — and now Marta is acting as Pillar to throw the police off the scent of the man whom she either wants to marry or destroy.

Marta is a gothic-style giallo but is also dreamlike throughout. There’s a continual obsession with placing Mell in front of mirrors. And for someone who was rarely used outside of her sex appeal in films, she absolutely haunting here. Somehow, Spain put this movie forward for Oscar consideration and if I ran those popcorn fart boring awards, I would have given this every single award.

Sure, this movie rips off Hitchcock, but it also wallows in sin, which is what I demand from the giallo that I come to adore. Somehow, someway, this aired on broadcast TV as part of Avco Embassy’s Nightmare Theater package, along with A Bell from Hell, Death Smiles on a Murderer, Maniac MansionNight of the SorcerersFury of the Wolfman, Hatchet for the HoneymoonHorror Rises from the TombDear Dead DelilahDoomwatchWitches MountainThe Mummy’s Revenge and The Witch. Man, how did any of those air on regular TV?

*Credit to the Stephen Boyd Fan Page and Marisa Mell: Her Life and Her Work for this information.