JUNESPLOITATION: Ringo (1978)

DAY 16: Free space!

Eight years after the biggest band in the world broke up, their least loved member Ringo Starr — “Ringo wasn’t even the best drummer in The Beatles” is a quote often attributed to John Lennon, but it actually comes from British comedian Jasper Carrott, who said it on Radio Live, a British talk show; John actually said that Ringo was “a damn good drummer” — was probably wondering what to do.

Most of the time, that was to party. He said of his friends and fellow Hollywood Vampires Nilsson and Keith Moon, “We weren’t musicians dabbling in drugs and alcohol; now we were junkies dabbling in music.”

Yet Ringo still had enough cachet in 1978 to turn that existential dread into a prime-time NBC special.

By the time of the filming,  he was miserable and depressed. He’d divorced Maureen Cox three years earlier, and in his outtakes, it’s said that he’s “testy, short-tempered and disinterested in working on the special.”

What a start, huh?

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Welcome to Ringo, a TV movie that sits comfortably in that sweet, strange spot between classic rock vanity project and absolute late-70s insanity. If you ever wondered what happened when the guys behind Police Academy got their hands on a Beatle and a copy of Mark Twain, well, here you go.

The premise is classic Prince and the Pauper, but instead of jolly old England, we’ve got Hollywood grime. Ringo plays himself—bored, pampered and totally over being famous—and he also plays his doppelgänger, Ognir Rrats, which is totally the Alucard trick. Then again, Ringo was in Son of Dracula.

While Ringo is being chauffeured around in limos and dealing with his horrid agent Marty Flesh (John Ritter), Ognir is out there selling maps to the stars’ homes, getting his bike pulverized by city buses and dodging an abusive father, played by Art Carney.

Let’s take a moment and talk about Art Carney. Perhaps best known for being Ed Norton on The Honeymooners, he also has some wild movies in his history. How about St. Helens, an HBO-TV movie with a Goblin soundtrack? Or being in Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson’s video for “Say Say Say?” Or playing Steeler’s owner Art Rooney in Fighting Back: The Story of Rocky Bleier? In 1978 alone, Carney played himself on Alice and was in Ringo and the Star Wars Holiday Special

As Norton would say, “Like we say in the sewer, time and tide wait for no man.” 

Anyway, Ringo and Ognir decide to swap lives for a few hours. Because, hey, why not? What could possibly go wrong?

Starr, now masquerading as Rrats, runs into a few 50s greasers (Greg Evigan of TV’s BJ and the Bear and possibly Steve De Jarnatt, who went on to direct Cherry 2000 and Miracle Mile, as well as write Strange Brew) who want to beat him up. But now that he’s Ringo, he has so much money that he can buy their fancy car and drive home instead of taking the bus. That’s when he met Rrats’ girlfriend Marquine (Carrie Fisher), and let me tell you, I broke the third commandment by exclaiming at the screen. 1978 dressed normal, hair down, casual California girl Carrie Fisher may be one of the biggest reasons I’ve found for believing in the Divine and now, I’ve said Her name in vain.

The real problem? Rrats’ father, who beats Ringo as Rrats into submission, right in front of his woman. Also: We’re to believe that Marquine is underage, as Ringo sings “You’re Sixteen” to her. 

Be better, Ringo. Or Rrats.

As for Rrats as Starr, he’s screwing everything up, even passing out before an appearance on The Mike Douglas Show and destroying his drum set, basically showing that he can’t play. Ringo gets so mad that he escapes and is arrested by Sgt. Suzanne “Pepper” Anderson and yes, that’s TV’s favorite police lady, Angie Dickinson. He gets out of jail thanks to Marquine, who takes him to the Ringo Starr concert.

Did I mention that this is narrated by George Harrison, and that he mentions The Ruttles?

Marty enlists the help of Dr. Nancy (that is his first name; he’s Vincent Price), who puts Rrats into a trance to remember that he’s really Ringo. Or Billy Shears, opening this all up to my “Paul Is Dead” belief system when George tries to convince the world that Ognir isn’t Ringo. It all wraps up and Ringo makes Ognir his road manager, but before a Ringo concert with his band, including Elton John’s bassist Dee Murray, Doctor John, Paul Revere and the Raiders member Keith Allison and Lon Van Eaton (who was on Apple Records along with his brother Derrek).

Throughout, Ringo keeps mentioning that “Yesterday” isn’t his song. But he does play versions of “Yellow Submarine,” “With a Little Help from My Friends” (complete with a tripped out ending), “Act Naturally,” “I’m the Greatest,” “A Man Like Me,” “Hard Times” and “Heart’s on My Sleeve.” Ringo comes across as a goofy guy who just happened to spend a long time with the world’s greatest songwriting duo and got to do some cool stuff, leaving him with tons of money to do, well, whatever he wanted.

I don’t think Ringo is untalented or a bad drummer, either. He’s also cool enough to write “Early 1970,” in which he fired back at Paul for flipping out on him, attacking the messenger over trying to figure out the dates that Paul’s solo album and Let It Be would be released after the band’s breakup. 

“Lives on a farm, got plenty of charm, beep, beep,

He’s got no cows, but he’s sure got a whole lotta sheep,

A brand new wife and a family, And when he comes to town I wonder if he’ll play with me.”

Later in the song, when he mentions John, Ringo sings, “And when he comes to town, I know he’s gonna play with me.”

The solo is by Harrison and follows the line,‘Cause he’s always in town playing for you with me.”

Ringo being Ringo, he ends the song saying, “And when they come to town, I wanna see all three.”

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Ringo is the kind of mid-tier network weirdness that could only come from 1978 and would only be fueled by cocaine. It was once a film broadcast only once, and then buried by time—only to be rescued by YouTube. The fact that Neal Israel and Pat Proft add just one more cherry on a cherry-rich top.

Then the credits.

After everyone’s name was said, the announcer said, “And a special thank-you to dialogue coach Seymour Cassel.” 

What?!? And that announcer? Peter Cullen. Optimus Prime.

This was all directed by Jeff Margolis, whose career includes tons of award shows and weird-out TV experiences like Twilight Time II, in which Leslie Nielsen hosts this, there’s a debate between G. Gordon Liddy and Moon Unit Zappa, and cast members include Dave Thomas, Fred Willard, Don Novello and Mr. T while the Go-Go’s and Toni Basil perform; the Mr. T educational video Be Somebody… or Be Somebody’s Fool!; an episode of Presenting Susan Anton; special for Olivia Newton-John, Perry Como, Captain & Tenille, Beatrice Arthur, Jaleel White and Frank Sinatra; and of course, being second-unit for 46 episodes of The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour.

Peace and love. Peace and love.

You can watch this on YouTube.

The Carpenters…Space Encounters (1978)

Welcome to the weird, wild and at times absolutely inexplicable 1970s variety show era. It’s a place where the cocaine budget was likely higher than the GDP of a small nation, and someone in a boardroom said, “You know what goes great with soft rock? Aliens.” Today we’re talking about the 1978 television special The Carpenters…Space Encounters.

If you’ve ever sat back and wondered, “What if Close Encounters of the Third Kind was directed by someone — Bob Henry, who took his skills at directing and producing variety shows and ended up making variety specials for most of his career, including LeifFeliciano! Very Special, Flip Wilson… Of course, and several specials for the Carpenters — who had only ever heard of sci-fi through a haze of mood lighting and easy-listening radio?”

Well, you’ve found your holy grail.

Richard and Karen Carpenter, that loveable brother and sister duo — are just minding their own business in the studio, cutting tracks and hanging out with legendary comedian Charlie Callas, who plays their agent. Soon — Wam! Bam! Thank you, spaceman! —they’re being scouted by extraterrestrials. Not scary, we’re here to harvest your organs, aliens, but John Davidson and Suzanne Somers, dressed like they’re about to host a space-disco on Saturn.

Yes, of all the people in the world who would portray the most perfect creatures in the universe, they picked the star of TV’s That’s Incredible! and a year into Three’s Company, Somers, who somehow looks better than she ever has before. Seriously, whoever did the makeup on this — great work, Sandy Holland (The Carpenters’ regular hairstylist), Rudy Horvatich and Katherine Kotarakos — earned their money.

It turns out that John and his fellow space-travelers have a major problem: their planet cannot make music. Obviously, the only logical solution to a universal cultural crisis is to kidnap The Carpenters. John teleports into the studio, whip-cracks a hi-tech pocket video screen to show them clips of “Fun Fun Fun,” and proceeds to perform a rendition of “Just the Way You Are” that makes you realize just how far we’ve strayed from the light.

I once saw Davidson star in Oklahoma, and the play was so bad that the entire audience booed the show when Jud, the villain, died. That’s how bad it was.

At this stage, the film then descends into a fitful blend of madness and mid-70s production value. We get a stroll through an old garage for a performance of “Goofus;” Richard sitting at a piano in front of a full orchestra, hammering out a medley of the Close Encounters and Star Wars themes while surrounded by laser lights and chroma key effects. Who gave Richard a phaser pedal?

Then, we achieve the grand finale, where the cast takes the party to the ship’s own nightclub. Karen and Suzanne Somers team up for “Man Smart, Woman Smarter,” followed by a disco-medley that includes “The Hustle” and “Boogie Nights.” If you’ve ever wanted to see the epitome of soft-rock royalty getting down to disco, stop reading and start watching.

The whole thing wraps up with the inevitable performance of “Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft”—the song that was practically written for this exact brand of madness—and an instrumental playout of “We’ve Only Just Begun.”

It’s saccharine, it’s bizarre, it’s a time capsule of a network television machine that had a nearly captive audience. Somehow, this had four writers: Bill Larkin, Joseph Neustein (a member of the Match Game staff for 700 episodes), Tom Sawyer and Stephen Spears.

“Calling occupants of interplanetary, quite extraordinary craft / And please come in peace, we beseech you / (Only our love we will teach them) / Our Earth may never survive / (So do come, we beg you).”

May 17, 1978 was a weird time.

Also: I love The Carpenters unironically. I want that to be perfectly clear.

You can watch this on YouTube.

RADIANCE BLU-RAY RELEASE: Splendid Outing (1978)

Gong Do-hee (Yoon Jeong-hee) is at the top of the food chain as a successful corporate tycoon living the high life. But she’s haunted. After a vivid, chilling dream about her deceased twin sister, she decides to ditch the boardroom and take a drive to the coast, looking for a little peace.

Instead, she finds a nightmare. She gets snatched and ends up stranded on a remote island, held captive by a gruff, isolated fisherman who has a delusional, unwavering conviction that she is his runaway wife. It’s a terrifying reversal of fortune: one day you’re calling the shots in the city, the next you’re a prisoner in a shack, forced to inhabit a life that isn’t yours.

This is modernist Korean cinema at its most daring. It’s shot through the lens of the 1970s—a dark, oppressive era for the country—and you can feel that tension in every frame. Kim Soo-yong uses the island’s isolation to turn the screws on the audience. It’s claustrophobic, surreal and deeply unsettling.

What makes this special is the subtext. Back in the day, the censors were watching everything, but Kim managed to weave a powerful, biting message about political oppression and the loss of individual identity right into the narrative. It’s the kind of high-stakes, everything-is-being-taken-from-me cinema that hits harder when you realize what the director was up against.

The fisherman’s delusion isn’t just a plot point; it’s a terrifying exploration of how easily a person can be erased. When someone tells you who you are long enough, do you start to believe it? Knowing the history of 1970s Korea adds a layer of dread to the film. 

Splendid Outing is a haunting piece of work that proves the most effective horror isn’t always supernatural—sometimes, it’s just the sudden, brutal removal of your autonomy.

The Radiance Films release of this film has a new 4K restoration by Radiance Films, audio commentary by Ariel Schudson, interviews with Lee Chang-dong and assistant director Chung Ji-young, and a visual essay by Pierce Conran. It comes in a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Time Tomorrow with a limited edition booklet featuring new writing by Chung Chong-hwa and Pierce Conran and archival writing by Director Kim Soo-yong, It’s a limited edition of 2500 copies, presented in full-height Scanavo packaging with removable OBI strip leaving packaging free of certificates and markings. You can get it from MVD.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Night Creature (1978)

If you want to see what Donald Pleasence movies I’ve seen, here’s the Letterboxd list. I love him because he was a working actor. Like John Carradine, he was there when you needed him. And at times, he’d show just how good he was. But he’s a workmanlike — in a good way — presence in so many movies.

Directed by Lee Madden (The Night God Screamed, the Alan Smithee who made Ghost Fever) and written by Hugh Smith (second unit director of Abby, writer of The Glove), Night Creature has Pleasence as Axel MacGregor, a writer and big game hunter who has unleashed a deadly black panther and doomed everyone around him which is a real problem as his daughters Leslie (Nancy Kwan, Wonder Women) and Georgia (Jennifer Rhodes) have just come to town along with Ross (Ross Hagen, who also produced this movie), a guide who seems pretty sleazy.

All this movie should be about is Pleasence hunting the animal that already hurt him, and he’s brought it to his turf for one last battle. You have the great thespian monologuing and trying to imitate the big beast and man, his eyes bugging out, and him snarling, and that’s the best.

At times, I’m given to just yelling out Pleasence line reads, like “The evil is gone” and “I shot him six times.” I celebrate him eating at a salad bar in 90s giallo. I’ve read that he drank through this entire movie, and I in no way want to judge him for that. My memories of the actor are always wonderful, and he lives again every time someone watches one of his films, whether he’s playing a President, the devil or a preacher who turns into a warthog.

MVD 4K UHD RELEASE: Rockers (1978)

If The Harder They Come is Jamaica’s Scarface, then Rockers is its Ocean’s Eleven, if the heist involved a bunch of legendary musicians stealing back their dignity (and a motorbike) from the upper class.

Originally intended to be a documentary, director Ted Bafaloukos realized that the reality of the Kingston reggae scene was already more cinematic than anything he could script. He cast the genre’s actual giants, playing versions of themselves, and let the cameras roll in the streets, the shanties, and the recording studios.

LeroyHorsemouthWallace is a drummer living on the edge of poverty, trying to make an honest living by selling records. He buys a shiny red motorbike to get his distribution business off the ground, but it isn’t long before thugs steal it.

By the way, Monica Madgie Craig, who plays his wife here, is his real-life spouse, and those are their children in the movie.

When the police prove to be useless, Horsemouth doesn’t just mope. He rounds up a literal Hall of Fame of reggae icons, including Dirty Harry, Burning Spear and Big Youth, to launch a Robin Hood-style counter-offensive. They aren’t just looking for a bike; they’re looking to redistribute the wealth.

This isn’t a Hollywood sanitized version of Jamaica. It’s raw, it’s loud, and the Patois is so thick and glorious that original US screenings required subtitles. Rockers is a vibrant, sun-soaked middle finger to the establishment. It’s a film where the actors are actually the soul of a nation, and the stakes feel massive because the struggle for the little guy is universal. Whether you’re here for the sociology or just to see Gregory Isaacs look cool in a suit, you can’t lose.

Here’s a wild fact: Ashley Higher Harris is a healer in real life, as well as playing one in Rockers. During production, his herbs healed one of the sound guys from a severe skin allergy.

The MVD release of this film has a 2025 4K restoration from the original 35mm camera negative; select scene commentaries; “Jah No Dead: The Making of Rockers,” a feature length documentary about the making of the film featuring interviews with Eugenie Bafaloukos, Todd Kasow, Kiddus I, Eddie Marritz and many more; archival interviews with director/writer Ted Bafaloukos and producer Patrick Hulsey; music videos; a poster gallery; a trailer; radio ads; a collectible 4K LaserVision mini-poster; reversible cover art and a limited edition 4K LaserVision slipcover. You can order it from MVD.

APRIL MOVIE THON DAY 18: Budo the Art of Killing (1978)

April 18: King Yourself! — Pick a movie released by Crown International Pictures. Here’s a list!

Created and produced by Hisao Masuda and financed by The Arthur Davis Company, this film explores a range of Japanese martial arts and the abilities of some of the most famous martial arts masters of the time.

We kick things off with a terrifyingly efficient demo of the Japanese sword. It’s sleek, it’s sharp and yet Okinawan farmers learned how to stop them. These guys didn’t have katanas, so they turned their pitchforks and gardening tools into instruments of absolute destruction. We meet Teruo Hayashi, the Karate-do legend, who shows us how this Okinawan weaponry was used before Fujimoto, the Human Sledgehammer, fought a train and karate-chopped beer bottles. Then, Suzuki shows off his nunchaku skills.

We go from judo to the elegant but lethal Naginata-do. Often associated with female practitioners, it’s a master class in reach and timing. We also meet the legendary Gozo Shioda, the founder of Yoshinkan Aikido; watch Shinto practitioners fire walking and see sumo stable training with Takamiyama. 

Then, we head back into the world of Teruo Hayashi, who’s here to remind us that kata isn’t just a synchronized dance for a trophy. It’s a rehearsal for a funeral. The narrator, who sounds like he’s seen a few things he can’t forget, doesn’t mince words: Karate is severe and cruel.

The film takes a detour into the connection between Zen Buddhism and Budo as we watch Shuji Matsushita sitting in zazen when—WHACK—he takes a strike from an abbot’s kyosaku, the encouragement stick. It’s a wake-up call for the soul that’ll make you glad you’re just watching from your couch. Then, Taizaburo Nakamura steps up for the film’s absolute highlight. Using slow-motion footage that feels like it belongs in a Peckinpah flick, the movie shows how fast a sword cut is.

Before the credits roll, we get a peek at the forge of Amada Akitsugu, a national living treasure. Seeing a nihonto sword born from fire and a hammer is a reminder that these aren’t just weapons. They’re masterpieces.

If you have any interest in fighting, this is a movie for you.

You can watch this on Tubi.

VINEGAR SYNDROME BLU RAY RELEASE: Forgotten Gialli: Volume Eight

This is the seventh Forgotten Gialli set from Vinegar Syndrome. You can check out my articles on the others here:

This box set has the following movies:

Rings of Fear (1978): This is the third entry in a loosely linked series of films that are known by the pervy and wonderous title of the Schoolgirls in Peril trilogy, a run of movies that take the already queasy obsessions of giallo and crank them into something even more uncomfortable. These are films where the camera lingers just a little too long, where morality is nonexistent and where the punishment for youthful sexuality is swift, brutal and usually wrapped in plastic. 

The series starts with What Have You Done to Solange?, directed by Massimo Dallamano, one of the absolute high-water marks of the giallo form, a movie that balances sleaze, sadness, and a genuinely upsetting mystery in a way most of its imitators can only dream about. He followed that up with What Have They Done to Your Daughters?, which dials up the nihilism and leans harder into the idea that the world is an uncaring machine designed to chew up the young and spit them out. Sadly, Dallamano would die before this movie was made, but his fingerprints are all over it thanks to his screenplay credit, which means you still get that same mix of procedural grit and moral rot.

This time around, the film wastes no time getting to the good stuff. A teenage girl’s corpse is found wrapped in plastic, which feels like a grim premonition of Twin Peaks and the whole Laura Palmer thing by over a decade. Inspector Gianni DiSalvo, played by Fabio Testi with the kind of weary, seen-it-all expression that giallo cops are contractually obligated to have, starts digging into a group of schoolgirls known as The Inseparables. You know right away that any group with a name like that is going to be nothing but trouble.

These girls attend one of those prestigious all-girls’ schools that only seem to exist in Italian genre cinema — the kind of place where education is secondary to whispered secrets, coded glances, and the constant threat of violence lurking just outside the gates. Among them is Fausta Avelli, played by Barbara Bach, who had already been orbiting the genre in films like Don’t Torture A DucklingThe Psychic and Phenomena — basically a resume that screams “you’re in for something good” You also get Helga Liné, one of those faces that shows up in everything from classy Euro-thrillers to absolute bottom-shelf horror like So Sweet…Perverse and Nightmare Castle to The Vampires Night OrgyHorror Rises from the Tomb and Black Candles. If European exploitation cinema had a frequent flyer program, she’d have lifetime platinum status.

Then there’s that ending. You get one killer casually offing himself like it’s just another item on the to-do list, and just when you think the movie is winding down, it pulls the rug out and reveals who’s really been behind everything. It’s mean, it’s cynical, and it’s exactly why you sat through all the recycled sleaze in the first place. In true giallo fashion, justice doesn’t feel like justice. It feels like just another ugly secret getting buried along with the bodies.

Reflections In Black (1975): A mysterious woman, dressed all in black, including stockings, is killing other beautiful women with a razor. Tano Cimarosa — usually an actor — directs this film, where we soon learn that all of the women are connected to affairs that they had with another woman, which was quite shocking in 1975.

Inspector Laurina (John Richardson) and his partner, Sergeant Panto (director Tano Cimarosa), are on the case, but, as always, defund the giallo police. Who could the killer be? Leondra (Dagmar Lassander, Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion, The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire and The House by the Cemetery), a politician’s wife? Lesbian photographer Contessa Orselmo (Magda Konopka)? Former Miss Italia Daniela Giordano (Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key)? Drug dealer and denim lover Sandro (Ninetto Davoli)?

This is really just for those who have to see every giallo ever made. Which would be me. Probably you, too, if you’re reading this. I mean, you’re going to buy this set, right?

A.A.A. Masseuse, Good-Looking, Offers Her Services (1972): Cristina (Paola Senatore*, Emanuelle in AmericaRicco the Mean Machine) is a call girl, and for that, every man that has ever partaken of her services must pay, in some sort of role reversal for every other giallo and slasher.

Much like how his leading lady was known for westerns, so was director Demofilo Fidani, who made movies like Coffin Full of Dollars (how’s that for a title?), Django and Sartana Are Coming… It’s the EndOne Damned Day at Dawn…Django Meets Sartana!His Name Was Pot… But They Called Him Allegria and His Name Was Sam Walbash, But They Call Him Amen. As you can tell, many of his films were titled and treated like either sequels or — let’s be fair — rip-offs of better-known characters and movies.

So when everyone else started making giallo, Fidani was sure to follow.

You know how people on Twitter like to use the term problematic? Well, they’d lose their brains all over those, which presents leaving home to enter the sex industry to be a loveable lark, even when your clients get their throats slit the minute they leave her flat. It’s also a film that wants its cake — Vitelli is gorgeous and frequently involved in increasingly kinkier situations — and eat it too, as the whole moral of the story is that the world is falling into decay because of all this sex. So let’s show some more sex! And violence!

Also known as Caresses à domicile (Caresses at Home), the funny thing is that her life gets better when she leaves her father’s house — well, despite the fact that her daddy gave her everything that she ever wanted — to live with a friend, Paola (Simonetta Vitelli, who is the daughter of the director). So there’s not really any drama here, other than you know, all the murder.

*Sadly, she became addicted to heroin late in her career. After making two softcore films for Joe D’Amato, she made her one and only hardcore film, Non stop… sempre buio in sala. She was then arrested for drug smuggling, went to prison and disappeared.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ1fSPQu6cw

You can get this from Vinegar Syndrome.

UFO: Exclusive (1978)

1 hour and 45 minutes of absolute malarky. Yes, Wheeler Dixon and Sidney Paul are back, making another video that could be interchangeable with the others they made, but I don’t care. I’ve watched them all.

While they also dropped UFO: Top Secret and Attack from Outer Space the same year, this one leans much harder into the science of space travel. It features an extensive, purely theoretical sequence about a manned mission to Mars, detailing the terrifying risks of retro-rocket failure and the math required to keep a tiny ship from being swallowed by the sun’s gravity. There’s also a surprisingly detailed look at the then-new Space Shuttle program, framed as the practical future of reusable space travel.

The film spends a significant amount of time showcasing archival footage from the U.S. Air Force, including the 1959 Corpus Christi sighting and the famous Tremonton Film of 1952, which depicts a cluster of five glowing discs moving at speeds estimated at over 3,000 mph. Each of these is called out by case number, like Project Blue Book, which we have at hand whenever we watch 70s alien documentaries.

This time around, there’s less about aliens wanting to eat us and more fuzzed-out space rock. Sure, there’s plenty of rambling, but I just love the feedback and rocking breakdowns in these songs. And man, that rambling. The narrator suggests that life might not be limited to little green men but could exist as crystalline formations or even as entities that live within the sun’s solid, cool core. 

One of the most convincing clips they show is a 1967 snippet from a Western movie set in Camarillo, California (there are also rumors that you can see a UFO during Rio Grande). While filming a close-up of an actor, a humming, white dot drifts across the background, performing erratic maneuvers that the crew can’t explain. 

Yet, unlike the rest of their movies, this has a rare moment of skepticism when it’s pointed out that some famous saucer photos bear a striking resemblance to the underside of a standard infrared chicken brooder.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Amazing World of Ghosts (1978)

I’m sad that I only have a few Wheeler Dixon and Sidney Paul paranormal docs left, but instead of being upset that it’s over, I will be happy that I had the experience.

The film begins with a classic Dixon/Paul flourish: A young boy walking down a city street at night. The narration immediately pivots to the jugular: Will he be attacked by a ghost? Will he, as all Dixon/Paul films eventually ask, be eaten by an alien? What walking horror from the realms of nightmares will bring him the endless embrace of death? It’s a lot of pressure for a kid just trying to get home, but the film insists that the lights of the city are not a comfort that can dispel the aura of gloom.

The narration also informs us that photos of ghosts are hard to come by, so this starts to ramble into UFOs and Bigfoot. It’s not what I signed up for, but here I am, fully buckled in. In the same way this film cannibalizes a hundred stock photos and library films, music supervisor Jim Cookman dives into a sonic fever dream. We get fuzzy blues rock, synth dibble-dabbles, somber piano plinking and sound effects that sound like they were rejected from a sub-Outer Limits TV show.

This has it all and by all, I mean ectoplasm coming out of the mouths of 1920s Spiritualists (which the film tells us is a very dangerous procedure), the red eye of Jupiter, the Abdominable Snowman, ghost towns created by Manifest Destiny, so many goats, a ghost pony that haunts an English churchyard and moments where the stock footage, voiceover and music don’t line up, but I kind of love these films for that. So many people refer to them with terms like bad, boring, inept and incoherent. 

That’s so wrong. Where else would we learn about a train haunted by a phantom so horrible that passengers were routinely beheaded? Who would let this train keep operating? Or the claim that earthquake survivors work tirelessly to limitghost activityafter a disaster? Did you even comprehend that? I didn’t. This leaves me, as all of Wheeler Dixon’s work does, with a thousand questions and zero answers.

I also adore that someone on IMDb presented the following factual errors:

  • Rasputin was notkilled by the Palace Guardas the narration states, but rather by Prince Felix Yusupov. The prince shot Rasputin in the yard of the Yusupov palace and not inan abandoned wing of the palaceas the film states.
  • H.G. Wells and Orson Welles were not contemporaries and did no collaborative work.
  • Mary, Queen of Scots, was not known asBloody Mary.That was Mary I of England.
  • A frame from the Patterson-Gimlin film, shot in Northern California and purportedly showing Bigfoot, is shown in black-and-white and described by the narrator as a photo of Bigfootstriding across the icy tundra of the Himalayan mountains.”

Keep in mind, this is a movie that asks whether UFOs are flown by ghosts or whether ghosts are really the living dead from outer space. Facts are in short supply.

Bonus points for the appearance of the Mesopotamian demon Pazuzu, who is apparently responsible for destroying crops with desert winds.

You can watch this on YouTube.

UFO: Top Secret (1978)

Wheeler Dixon and Sidney Paul made so many of these movies, and you may get confused because they all seem so similar. Yet you must go down this corridor and expose yourself to each of their films.

What connects these films? The fact that they continually remind us that aliens want to eat us. How do they know this? They’re so sure of it. They even say that alien civilizations might view Earth as “nothing but a slaughterhouse, an alien food breeding ground.” Paul calmly asks frightening queries, like “What will save us then?” and “Are we being watched by creatures from outer space?”

This movie is washed out; it has wild folk music mixed with library sound effects, and a rambling narration that seems to ask you questions every few moments, and I always find myself having a conversation with it. Yet this is the kind of thing that totally speaks to me, a nearly lost film that has never come out on DVD, even, one that’s hiding on YouTube and feels way stranger than any of the Ancient Aliens shows that litter cable.

There are a hundred or more ideas in here. If one of them were true, it would destroy your mind. Do aliens live inside the sun? Are ancient cave drawings and burial tombs in Greece and Peru blueprints for fuel thrust systems and a pressurization chamber? And, as always, when are extraterrestrials going to treat Earth as if it were Golden Corral?

It exists in a strange limbo, too psychedelic to be a serious documentary and too earnest to be pure fiction. Because this film relies heavily on public-domain NASA footage, military archives, and stock science clips, it feels like a dream of 20th-century progress reinterpreted through a lens of impending doom.

You can watch this on YouTube.