Tales from the Darkside S2 E19: The Last Car (1987)

This episode is a surrealist take on the Ghost Train story, serving as an allegory for death and the afterlife.

Stacey (Begonya Plaza), a college student traveling home for Thanksgiving, finds herself alone in a desolate train station. The atmosphere is immediately off as the station feels abandoned, and an exit sign falls from the wall without provocation. When her train arrives, she boards the very last car, the caboose.

Inside, she meets three eccentric passengers. Mrs. Crane (Mary Carver) is a grandmotherly figure who knits incessantly and speaks in soothing, rhythmic metaphors. The Old Man (Louis Guss) is a silent, suited passenger focused on his lunch box. And finally, Joe (Scooter Stevens) is a young boy dressed in a cowboy outfit who appears restless.

Mrs. Crane welcomes Stacey, explaining that the last car sways like a cradle. Stacey attempts to relax, but the logic of the world begins to fray. She notices her watch has stopped, and when the train enters its first tunnel, the lights flicker to the sound of a haunting, maniacal laugh. For a fleeting second, Stacey sees her own reflection closing the window shades independently of her movements.

As the journey continues, Stacey realizes she is trapped. The door to the next car is locked, appearing and disappearing, with signs forbidding passage while the train is in motion. Time becomes elastic; Joe inexplicably changes costumes, from a cowboy to an infantry soldier, and the passengers seem to know Stacey’s name despite never being introduced.

The horror escalates during the second tunnel sequence. Joe begins shooting his toy gun, but the play turns lethal. The Old Man is riddled with actual bullet holes and slumps over, dead. Stacey screams in terror, but as soon as the train exits the tunnel, the Old Man sits up, perfectly intact, and begins eating a sandwich as if nothing happened. Mrs. Crane simply smiles and tells a shell-shocked Stacey, “You get used to the tunnels… eventually.”

The appearance of the Conductor (Bert Williams) brings no relief. When Stacey demands to be let off or taken to the dining car, she is met with bureaucratic indifference. She offers her round-trip ticket, but the Conductor clips it and returns a one-way ticket, claiming it is the only kind he has.

Stacey’s desperation peaks when she looks through the door’s window as the Conductor leaves. For a split second, the polished interior of the train vanishes, replaced by a rotting, skeletal wreckage. The passengers are revealed as decayed corpses, and the Conductor is a grinning skeleton. However, as the train emerges into the light, the illusion of normalcy returns.

Mrs. Crane reveals the true nature of their journey: the Conductor won’t return until there is a new passenger to collect. Stacey is no longer a traveler; she is now a permanent fixture of the last car. Mrs. Crane drapes a handmade shawl around Stacey’s shoulders—the very one she had been knitting since Stacey boarded—and offers to teach her how to knit. This is the acceptance of death.

The episode concludes with the train entering another tunnel. This time, Stacey doesn’t scream. Instead, she joins the others in a rhythmic, catatonic chant: “Tunnel… Tunnel… Tunnel.” As the darkness engulfs the car, Stacey’s face withers into a pale, skeletal mask. She has finally gotten used to the tunnels, becoming just another ghost on a train that never reaches its destination.

This episode was directed by John Strysik, who directed five other episodes of this series. It was written by Michael McDowell, who wrote the script for Beetlejuice. This is one of the strongest episodes of the show.

Murder, She Wrote S3 E21: The Days Dwindle Down (1987)

Jessica investigates the possibility that a man spent 30 years in prison for a murder he did not commit.

Season 3, Episode 21: The Days Dwindle Down (April 19, 1987)

An elderly waitress begs for J.B.’s help in solving a decades-old murder.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury?

Richard Beymer (Sydney Jarvis): Best known as Tony in the original West Side Story, cult cinema fans adore him as Ben Horne in Twin Peaks. Here, he plays the man on trial for his life, providing the episode’s central tension.

June Havoc (Thelma Vantay): A true vaudeville legend (and the real-life sister of Gypsy Rose Lee), she brings old-school theatrical gravity to the role of the domineering mother-in-law.

Harry Morgan (Retired Lt. Richard Webb): Before he was Colonel Potter on M’A’S’H, he was Jack Webb’s partner on Dragnet. In a fun meta twist, he plays a retired detective whom Jessica hires to help her dig into the case.

Susan Strasberg (Dorothy Hearn Davis): The daughter of legendary acting coach Lee Strasberg, Susan was a “Method” darling who appeared in everything from Picnic to the psychedelic cult classic The Trip. She plays the tragic wife whose death sets the plot in motion.

Gloria Stuart (Edna Jarvis): Decades before she became a household name (and Oscar nominee) as “Old Rose” in James Cameron’s Titanic, Stuart was a 1930s starlet. She appears here in the present day, while Katherine Emery appears in uncredited archive footage as a younger version of her.

Art Hindle (Rod Wilson): A Canadian legend! If you love 70s/80s horror, you know him from David Cronenberg’s The Brood and the 1978 Invasion of the Body Snatchers. He plays the Wilson family’s son.

Martha Scott (Georgia Wilson): An Academy Award nominee for Our Town, she’s perhaps most famous for playing Charlton Heston’s mother in both The Ten Commandments and Ben-Hur. She plays the Wilson matriarch.

Jeffrey Lynn (Sam Wilson): A former leading man from the 1940s (Four Daughters), he returned to the screen for this role after a period of semi-retirement.

Debbie Zipp (Terry Wilson): A Murder, She Wrote regular. She appeared in several episodes playing different characters, most notably as the wife of Jessica’s nephew, Grady Fletcher.

Tom Dreesen (Peabody): A legendary stand-up comedian who famously toured with Frank Sinatra for years. He steps into a character role here.

Emory Bass (Manager): A character actor staple who you might recognize from 1776 or his numerous appearances on The Love Boat.

Russ Marin (Lt. Sharp): A “that guy” actor seen in everything from The Rockford Files to Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.

Mark Pilon (Male Secretary): A prolific voice actor and performer who appeared in various 80s staples like Knots Landing.

Walter Smith (Restaurant Patron): One of the unsung heroes of Hollywood—a professional background actor who appeared in hundreds of episodes of television, including over 40 episodes of Murder, She Wrote alone!

What happens?

Jessica is living the high life in a luxury hotel suite—probably on the dime of her publisher or some poor sap who didn’t realize inviting J.B. Fletcher to your city is a death warrant for at least one local socialite.

While she’s being pampered, she’s approached by Georgia Wilson. Georgia’s husband, Sam, just got out of the slammer after serving thirty years. He was sent up for the rub-out of his boss, Richard Jarvis. Sam’s story? He was framed. He claims Jarvis’s firm went bust, and the guy offered Sam his last ten grand to make his suicide look like an armed robbery so the insurance company would cough up a fortune for the Jarvis family. Only problem? Someone actually did kill him before the plan went south.

Sam and Georgia’s son, Rod, became a cop specifically to clear his old man’s name. He puts his badge and his expertise at Jessica’s disposal. Along with a retired Lt. Webb, they start digging into 30-year-old forensic evidence.

Naturally, someone isn’t happy about this walk down memory lane. After someone takes a literal shot at Jessica with a matching bullet, J.B. realizes the past isn’t dead.

Who did it?

The victim died by accident. His wife arrived home, caught him mid-attempt and tried to snatch the heater out of his hand because she actually loved the guy. Bang! The gun goes off in the struggle. The big giveaway for J.B. Webb? The fingerprints on the barrel proved it was a wrestling match, not a solo act.

Who made it?

This was directed by Michael J. Lynch and written by Philip Gerson.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid? Does she get some?

No. I’m wondering if I’ll ever see that.

Was it any good?

Yes, as always.

Any trivia?

The flashbacks are taken from the film Strange Bargain. Jeffrey Lynn, Martha Scott and Harry Morgan reprise their roles from the movie. In the movie, Lt. Webb identifies the murderer, and Sam is saved from prison.

Richard Beymer, who played Sydney Jarvis, was actually 14 years younger than Raymond Roe, who played the same character in Strange Behavior. By this point, he’d retired and was a Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Deputy.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Retired Lt. Richard Webb: I figured she was playin’ bedsheet bingo with the boss.

What’s next?

A temporary blackout at a recording studio leaves Jessica in the dark when the wealthy, soon-to-be-owner is stabbed to death.

VISUAL VENGEANCE BLU-RAY RELEASE: Born A Ninja/ Commando The Ninja (1987, 1983)

This shot-on-video martial-arts double feature from Joseph Lai and IFD Films unleashes pure 1980s ninja chaos as two unlikely heroes are dragged into a war over stolen germ-warfare secrets. Featuring disappearing ninja assassins, endless waves of thugs, criminal masterminds, insane effects and the mysterious hocus pocus magic fighting style. These are both full-tilt SOV insanity, delivering cult ninja action at maximum volume.

Also: I love that Godfrey Ho movies have songs in them from bands like Clan of Mymox, Jean Michel Jarre, Wendy Carlos, Joy Division and more.

Born a Ninja (some year between 1978 and 1987): Ninjas. “Life means nothing to them,” says Mister Tanaka, a man who shows up in this wearing an outfit like my dad in the mid-80s, a striped red polo and short shorts.

If you ask IFD what this Joe Law-directed and written movie is about, they’d say, “A Japanese scientist tries to conceal a deadly formula, but an undead ace and his ninja devils are determined to use it to cause mischief and mayhem. It is up to Lung, a master of the lost art of Hocus Pocus, to keep evil at bay and prevent mass destruction on a global scale.”

Sure, maybe.

IMDB lists the director as Chi Lo, who used the name Joe Law to make Crippled Masters and Lo Ke to direct Deadly Hands of Kung Fu.  Seeing as how this was produced by Joseph Lai and Betty Chan, all bets are off.

This flick is a Frankenstein of footage. It combines a Taiwanese TV show, another movie, actually called Born a Ninja, and the kind of dialogue that only occurs when a 1980s script is translated from Cantonese to English by someone who primarily speaks “American Action Movie Trailer.” It could also be Silent Killers. It could be Ninja Destroyer. It could be titled Breakfast with a Shuriken, and it would still be impossible to tell you what actually happened.

Let me try.

Mister Tanaka has a secret formula from World War II that could destroy the world. That much is true. Two women want the formula: Becky, who wears a yellow vest and Confederate-flag shorts. Still, I think that means she’s into late 70s and early 80s redneck trends in America a little too late as they move across the globe and this isn’t racist like my neighbor who wears short shorts and threw away all his kids toys after his wife left with the kids and also has a huge Southern Cross up on his garage wall despite being an Italian man in Southwestern Pennsylvania. Also, his fiancée’s last name is Gambino. She backed right into our car, and he came over in just a G-string to see if we were OK.

Did I go on a tangent?

Becky is joined by Brenda. She loves denim so much she’s rocking the full Canadian tuxedo while doing high kicks. They’re joined by Larry, a master of the hocus pocus style. This involves your everyday kung fu, supplemented by the ability to shoot fire from your fingertips. It’s the kind of martial arts I used to try in my backyard until my mom threatened to take away my bang snaps.

As for the bad guy ninja, that’s Meng Fei, who was also in the Ninja Death trilogy, Night OrchidEverlasting ChivalryThe Sun Moon Legend and Middle Kingdom’s Mark of Blood. He’s pretty amazing in the last fight scene.

Anyways, Mister Tanaka keeps dreaming of dead people that were killed by this secret back in the war, and the secret is a mirrored mustache that you put on a devil mask. Then there’s a white ninja named David. He battles Larry in the woods—because all ninja battles must occur in a public park with visible power lines—before they decide to be best friends. They get a room, drink beer, and eat fried cabbage. Honestly? That’s the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen in an IFD production.

Or maybe that was the last movie? Have years of drinking, substances, and Godfrey Ho movies dulled my reason, and when confronted by this synth-scored shot on video, my mind just wanders between different martial worlds, unsure of all the things I’ve seen, all the ninja deaths I’ve felt as if they were my own? In truth, the only important thing is that ninjas can become straw men and that you can swallow a sword in the middle of a fight and live.

Music in this one includes Jerry Fielding’s soundtrack for The Gauntlet, the Ken Thorne score for The Protector and Roy Budd’s “Fb M15.” Check out the Letterboxd list of IFC music cues here, I’ve commented several times on it.

I do know one thing. When David sees Larry hanging out with the two ladies, he says, “Two chicks? You one animal!” That’s exactly how I felt watching this movie. I was an animal. A confused, beautiful, ninja-obsessed animal.

Commando the Ninja (1983): Also known as American Commando NinjaIFD claims it was made by Joe Law. Really, who can tell you the truth? Who even knows how many titles this has, how much music it stole or what it’s about? Hocus pocus, as the sensei says at the beginning. It doesn’t have to make sense. Seeing as how this was produced by Joseph Lai and Betty Chan, all bets are off.

Jow Law is also Law Chi AKA Chi Lo, the director of The Crippled MastersDeadly Hands of Kung Fu (using the name Lo Ke), Girl with Cat’s Eyes and Magic Swords.

This poster has nothing to do with the movie you’re about to watch. Who cares? You’re here, one assumes, for ninjas. Or commandos. Or Commando the Ninja.

In the world of 80s Hong Kong chop-socky cinema, truth is a relative term. Who knows how many titles this has? Who knows how many synth-pop tracks were borrowed from Tangerine Dream? Who even knows what’s going on?

IFD also lets us know what this should be about: “David, an up-coming young master of Ninjitsu, is recruited by his Master to steal the formula for a bacteriological weapon and to free the Japanese scientist who is responsible for developing it. He is pitted against two wily opponents: Mark, a KGB operative, and Martin, who are bent on using the formula in a bid for world domination. The fate of humanity is in the hands of David and a group of four surprisingly acrobatic young fighters.”

Is it? What is the sound of one hand clapping? If a ninja wears a bright neon headband in a forest of green, is he truly invisible?

Allow this koan to expand your reality.

The student asked, “Master, how can the hero fight the villain when they are never in the same frame together?”

The Master replied, “The sword that strikes in Taiwan draws blood in Hong Kong. The bridge between them is not made of stone, but of a 1984 Scotch tape splice.”

Look, all I know is that only a ninja can kill a ninja.

Extras include SD masters from original tape elements, Commando the Ninja commentary with Justin Decloux and Will Sloane of The Important Cinema Club, Born A Ninja commentary by Justin Decloux of The Important Cinema Club, The Essential Godfrey Ho and The Law Chi Touch video essays, an interview with Kwan Chung, an image gallery, trailers, two mini-posters, a reversible sleeve featuring original VHS art, a “Stick Your Own” VHS sticker set, a limited edition O-Card by Uncle Frank, a booklet with essay by ninja movie expert C.J. Lines and a Blu-ray sleeve featuring art by The Dude.

Holy fuck, this is everything. It’s more effort than went into the original filming of the movie, and I am 100% here for it. If you want to see a man in a red polo shirt talk about the futility of life before a white ninja eats fried cabbage, this is your Holy Grail.

I also have to call out how amazing the menus are on these releases. The arcade inspired one on this release is perfect and something few labels would put that much time and effort into making. Just another reason why you need to buy this.

You can get this from MVD.

Murder, She Wrote S3 E20: The Cemetery Vote (1987)

The reform mayor dies in a so-called “accident,” and the mayor’s father is murdered after he demands an investigation into it.

Season 3, Episode 20: The Cemetery Vote (April 5, 1987)

Jessica investigates when her nephew, a junior executive for a large accounting firm, is charged with tax fraud and the murder of his boss.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury?

Bruce Davison plays David Carroll, and the man is a legend, appearing in Willard, The Lords of Salem, and so many more movies.

Ed Lauter is the law here; Sheriff Orville Yates and no one played the menacing authority figure better. He was the creepy attendant in Cujo, the cop dealing with Bronson in Death Wish 3 and fought off The Car.

Marie Windsor is Kate Gunnerson, and she was in The Day Mars Invaded Earth.

Jeff Yagher plays Deputy Wayne Beeler. He was in V.

Joseph Campanella is George McDaniels.

Charlene Tilton plays Cyndy March and is best known for Dallas.

Mitchell Ryan is Captain Ernest Lenko, and I will always know him for his role in Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers as Dr. Terence Wynn, the man behind the Cult of Thorn.

Ellen Bry plays Linda Stevens, John McLiam is Harry Stevens, Dick Balduzzi plays Gil Stokes, Katherine De Hetre is Rita, Zale Kessler plays the coroner, Neal Penso is a paramedic and Hank Robinson and Ilona Wilson are casino players.

What happens?

Look, we all know J.B. Fletcher has more dear old friends than a politician has skeletons in the closet, like the Angel of Death. This time, she’s trekking out to Comstock, Idaho. It’s another one of those fictional map-dots that seem to exist only so someone can get murdered in it.

Our girl Jess is living her best life in Rome when she rings up Seth Hazlitt and gets the skinny: Linda Stevens (who we assume is a Cabot Cove expat because they once shared a picnic on the beach) is now a widow. Her husband, the Mayor, took a permanent detour in a car crash. Jess does what Jess does. She cuts the pasta tour short and flies into the eye of the storm to comfort the grieving friend. But Linda’s father-in-law, Harry, isn’t buying the accident narrative. He thinks the town’s political machine is running on high-octane foul play.

So he dies too. Turns out, being the only guy in town asking the right questions is a great way to get a one-way ticket to the morgue.

Who did it?

Deputy Mayor David Carroll! Bruce Davison goes from clean-up candidate to clean the blood off the carpet real fast. Carroll was playing both sides of the fence, tipping off an illegal gambling ring about police raids. Why? Because he wanted their political support (read: dirty money and influence) to slide into the Mayor’s chair.

Who made it?

This was directed by Seymour Robbie and written by Robert Van Scoyk.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid? Does she get some?

No. A serious and non-sexy J.B. Boo.

Was it any good?

It’s decent.

Any trivia?

The sound of the truck that runs Jessica and David off the road was taken from the made-for-TV movie Duel.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: Well, I really have to get home. Amos Tupper may uphold the law, but I can’t trust him to water my plants.

What’s next?

Jessica investigates the possibility that a man spent 30 years in prison for a murder he did not commit. Art Hindle is in this episode!

ARROW 4K UHD AND BLU-RAY RELEASE: Innerspace (1987)

I worship at the altar of Joe Dante. Who else could work for Spielberg and deliver Looney Tunes logic, EC Comics gore and more character actor cameos than a Hollywood funeral? Innerspace is Dante working at the peak of his studio powers, taking the high-concept DNA of Fantastic Voyage and mutating it into a manic, sweaty, screwball buddy comedy.

Speaking of that Raquel Welch shrinkage movie, the lab’s instrumentation shows a screen reading of six interlinked hexagons. This is the symbol that the Combined Miniature Deterrent Forces used in that film.

Tuck Pendleton (Dennis Quaid) is a hard-drinking, hot-shot pilot who’s volunteered for a miniaturization experiment. The plan? Shrink him and his high-tech sub, then inject him into a rabbit. But because this is a Joe Dante film, things go wrong immediately. High-tech industrial spies, led by the deliciously icy Margaret Canker (Fiona Lewis) and the scenery-chewing Mr. Igoe (Vernon Wells), storm the lab.

In the chaos, Tuck ends up injected into the ass of Jack Putter (Martin Short), a neurotic, hypochondriac grocery clerk who is having the worst day of his life. Now, Tuck has to navigate Jack’s nervous system while Jack has to find his courage (and Tuck’s estranged girlfriend, Lydia, played by Meg Ryan) to get the miniaturization chips back before Tuck runs out of oxygen or the villains extract him with a vacuum.

This begins as a sci-fi thriller, turns into a body-horror comedy and ends as a full-blown caper. Martin Short delivers one of the decade’s greatest physical comedy performances. I mean, his possession dance to Sam Cooke’sTwistin’ the Night Awayis worth the price of admission alone. Quaid plays the ultimate charming jerk in a cockpit and the chemistry between the duo is electric.

The real stars are the practical effects. Dennis Muren and the crew at ILM won an Oscar for this, and I agree that they deserved it. When Tuck is floating through the bloodstream or dodging stomach acid, it feels real. It’s a love letter to theImpossible Voyagegenre, dressed up in a Hawaiian shirt and holding a beer.

Because it’s Dante, keep your eyes peeled for Dick Miller (as a cab driver), John Hora, William Schallert, Henry Gibson, Robert Picardo (as The Cowboy), Kevin McCarthy, Kathleen Freeman and Wendy Schaal. There are also appearances by animator Chuck Jones, New York Doll ArthurKillerKane, and rock-and-roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis. And hey, there’s Andrea Martin and Joe Flaherty in the waiting room scene! Plus, if you love movies shot at the Sherman Oaks Galleria (Chopping MallPhantom of the Mall), this was made there and at Northridge Mall (The Karate KidSuperbad, Terminator 2Mausoleum).

The Arrow Video release of Innerspace features a brand-new restoration from the original 35mm negative, approved by director Joe Dante. Extras include a new audio commentary by film critic Drew McWeeny; an archive audio commentary with director Joe Dante, producer Michael Finnell, visual effects supervisor Dennis Muren and actors Kevin McCarthy and Robert Picardo; a brand new hour-long documentary featuring newly filmed interviews with director Joe Dante, producer Michael Finnell, visual effects supervisor Dennis Muren, visual effects artists Harley Jessup and Bill George; behind the scenes features; storyboards; continuity polaroids; a production stills gallery; posters and promo stills gallery and a theatrical trailer. It all comes inside a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Doug John Miller. It includes a double-sided fold-out poster featuring two original artwork options, a collector’s perfect-bound booklet featuring new writing by film critics Charlie Brigden, Michael Doyle, Josh Nelson, Jessica Scott and Andrea Subissati, plus a short guide to Joe Dante’s stock company by Scott Saslow and the original exhibitors’ pamphlet. You can get this on 4K UHD or Blu-ray from MVD.

APRIL MOVIE THON DAY 23: Summer Camp Nightmare (1987)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Adam Hursey is a pharmacist specializing in health informatics by day, but his true passion is cinema. His current favorite films are Back to the Future, Stop Making Sense, and In the Mood for Love. He has written articles for Film East and The Physical Media Advocate, primarily examining older films through the lens of contemporary perspectives. He is usually found on Letterboxd, where he mainly writes about horror and exploitation films. You can follow him on Letterboxd or Instagram at ashursey. His April Movie Thon list is here.

April 23: Off Field On Screen — Draft a film that has a sports figure as its star. Bonus points if it’s not a biography of themselves!

Before grabbing a gun and taking on his iconic role in The Rifleman, Chuck Conners had already led a varied, interesting life. Like most men of his generation, he served in the military, putting any aspirations he had on hold while serving his country during World War II. Upon discharge, he went back to his first love–sports. And not just one. Well before athletes such as Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders (and, less successfully, Michael Jordan) attempted to excel at multiple professional levels, Conners played in both the NBA (for the Boston Celtics) and MLB (for the Brooklyn Dodgers and Chicago Cubs). Fun fact from Wikipedia: Conners was the first player in the NBA to break a backboard, which broke due to taking a shot, not a slam dunk. I would love to see how this happened! What material did they use to make backboards back then? Was it wood? Was it termite infested? Inquiring minds want to know.

Conners soon realized that he was not going to make a career out of either sport, so he did what many former athletes do when pivoting to a new occupation–try acting. After minor roles in various film and television series, Conners landed the role that would change his life–Burn Sanderson in Walt Disney’s Old Yeller. Sanderson shows up to the Coates’ ranch looking to reclaim his egg-sucking yellow dog. What could have been a villainous sort of role quickly turns wholesome as Sanderson sees the need for Old Yeller to stay with Travis, giving tips about marking hogs and even warning him about “hydrophobie” in the area (AKA Chekov’s Rabies).

As luck would have it, the producers looking to cast the lead in The Rifleman took their children to see Old Yeller and were struck by the fatherly screen presence of Conners, increasing their offer and giving him the role that would, for better or worse, define him for most of his career. 

After The Rifleman, Conners was typecast in similar roles, unable to break away from the clean cut image of Lucas McCain. But thanks to films in the 1970s such as The Mad Bomber, Tourist Trap, and the miniseries Roots, Conners was able to showcase his talent extended beyond playing Mr. Nice Guy. In fact, similar to Andy Griffith, he might have excelled even more under sinister roles.

In 1987, Conners took on the role of Mr. Warren, the religious, uptight new director of Camp North Pines in Summer Camp Nightmare. While the film’s title suggests that it is attempting to capitalize on the summer camp based slasher films that were popular earlier in the decade, Summer Camp Nightmare is less about the horrors of a killer and more about the horrors of unchecked humanity. Based on a 1961 book entitled The Butterfly Revolution, the campers in this film find themselves elevating counselor Franklin to what initially feels like a harmless rebellion against Conners Mr. Warren, but quickly devolves into a full out dictatorship where anyone who goes against Franklin’s policies are eliminated.

The film starts out as a fun time. It is rare to find horror films set in a camp to actually have campers. All of the characters are likable here–the sort of camp I always wish I had been able to attend, but never did out of fear of being bullied (hey, it was the 80’s. Bullying kids with glasses was very en vogue).  Mr. Warren is an easy person for the youth to rebel against. He only allows religious programming on the television in the common area. He begrudgingly allows the boy’s and girl’s camps to intermingle, but quickly forbids it at the first appearance of tom foolery. And Franklin appears to be innocent enough, a quiet counselor who jumps into the water to save our narrator Donald. But his rise to power at the camp ends up being a metaphor for the dangers of Communism (the original novel was written at the beginning of the Cold War, which was wrapping up by 1987). 

Conners is not given much to do here. The role is pretty one note. But I do love seeing him in these twisted sort of roles. Nothing tops Tourist Trap, but it does not have to. Summer Camp Nightmare might be light on horror, but I still found it to be interesting enough to recommend. It is a film that definitely should be rescued from VHS, having never even received a DVD release. I would buy it. If nothing else, just for the performance of a song where two guys sing the song by Fear entitled Beef Bologna, much to the chagrin of Chuck Conners.

April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama 2026 Primer: Prince of Darkness (1987)

April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre in Vandergrift, PA on April 24 and 25, 2026. Admission is still only $15 per person each night (children 12 and under free with adult) and overnight camping is available (breakfast included). You can buy tickets at the show, but get there early and learn more here.

The features for Friday, April 24 are Prince of DarknessPopcornFade to Black and Evilspeak.

Saturday, April 25 has Halloween 4Halloween 5A Bay of Blood and Funeral Home.

The second film in John Carpenter’sApocalypse Trilogy(preceded by The Thing and followed by In the Mouth of Madness), Prince of Darkness was the first fruit of Carpenter’s deal with Alive Pictures. The pact was a filmmaker’s dream: complete creative control provided he kept the budget under a lean $3 million.

This is likely the only horror flick you’ll ever encounter that masterfully blends theoretical physics and atomic theory with ancient religious orders and the Antichrist. The DNA of Nigel Kneale (creator of Quatermass and the Pit) is all over this script; Carpenter even paid homage by using the pseudonymMartin Quatermassfor the screenplay. From transmissions from the future to ancient malevolence being uncorked in the modern age, it feels like a lost Kneale script. Ironically, the British writer was famously grumpy about the association, having previously clashed with Carpenter on the gore-filled Halloween III: Season of the Witch.

Donald Pleasence, Carpenter’s go-to for gravitas, plays a character simply namedPriest(though fans often call him Father Loomis). He discovers a deceased member of the Brotherhood of Sleep just as a secret is about to leak. It turns out a dilapidated Los Angeles church is hiding a canister of swirling green liquid that represents the Anti-God. This sentient sludge begins transmitting data that requires the brains of Professor Howard Birack (Victor Wong) and his team of students to decipher.

One by one, those students are taken over by the Anti-God or killed by the homeless people and insects that surround the building, led by Alice Cooper.  Also, every single person who hasn’t been killed or taken over starts to have the same dream, one where a shadowy figure emerges from the church. Each time they have this dream, a warning sent from the year one-nine-nine-nine, they see more detail. This part of the film, shot on video, played on a television and then reshot with Carpenter’s voice intoning the warning message, is one of the strangest and most surreal sequences ever included in a mainstream film.

I can’t say enough about how much I love this movie. It has great little character bits, moments of true horror and even some great compressed storytelling. I love that, instead of a long explanation of how a physics professor and a Catholic priest could be close friends, one student just offhandedly mentions that they were both part of a BBC exploration of God’s existence. That’s all we really need to know and it lets us answer that and move on to more important matters.

Hw can you not love a film that theorizes that Jesus was an alien and the Catholic Church has known that all along and kept the secret that another alien, an evil one, was on its way…or has a scene where someone just keeps typingI live!over and over again, then this message: You will not be saved by the holy ghost. You will not be saved by the god Plutonium. In fact, YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED.”

Murder, She Wrote S3 E19: No Accounting for Murder (1987)

Grady Fletcher is in big trouble again when his boss is found dead and he is the main suspect.

Season 3, Episode 19: No Accounting for Murder (March 22, 1987)

Jessica investigates when her nephew, a junior executive for a large accounting firm, is charged with tax fraud and the murder of his boss.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury?

Michael Horton is back as Grady. Every time he shows up, I hope this is the episode in which he dies. 

Dorothy Lamour, who was in the Hope/Crosby road movies as well as Creepshow 2, is Sophie Ellis.

Geoffrey Lewis, star of many westerns and father of Juliette, is I.R.S. Agent Lester Grimshaw.

Barney Martin, Morty Seinfeld, is Lieutenant Timothy Hanratty.

Ron Masak, the sheriff in Laserblast, is Marty Giles.

Patty McCormack is Lana Whitman. Yes, Rhoda, The Bad Seed!

In smaller roles, Thom McFadden is Harry Cauldwell, James Noble is Paul Carlisle, Michael Tolan plays Ralph Whitman, Kate Vernon is Connie Norton, Paul Comi is The Phantom, Peggy Doyle is Edna Weems, Charles Walker is a sergeant, Michael J. London is a seller and Lemuel Perry is a waiter.

What happens?

If there is one thing you can count on in this world, it’s that Grady Fletcher is going to find a body, look guilty as hell and then stand there vibrating with anxiety until his Aunt Jessica saves his hide. This time, our least favorite disaster-prone nephew is working a New York accountancy gig for a guy named Ralph Whitman. Jessica drops by for a visit, they go to dinner and they come back to find Whitman dead at his desk with a cryptic message scrawled on the wall in red.

Oh yeah — the office is also haunted by The Phantom.

What an office it is. You’ve got the sexy secretary, Connie, played with maximum eyeliner and a blouse holding on for dear life; a jerk named Carlisle who pretends to love Jessica’s stories and a cop so Irish he basically breathes shamrocks and corned beef. Even better, he and JB share some genuine moments over their shared widowhood.

But the real MVP is that aforementioned Phantom, who is really a homeless man living in the walls to survive the NYC winter.

Unlike so many episodes, Jessica finds herself in actual, physical danger. Usually, she delivers her summation with the police hidden behind a curtain like a high-stakes game of Scooby-Doo. Here? She’s alone with a killer who realizes she’s onto him. Watching JB drop her usualI’m just a mystery writermask to show genuine, wide-eyed alarm is a reminder that Angela Lansbury could out-act anyone on the payroll.

The victim? Ralph Whitman is muscling in on the wrong blackmail scheme.

Who did it?

Carlisle. But of course.

Who made it?

This was directed by Peter Crane and Gerald K. Siegel, both of whom worked on 9 episodes of the show.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid? Does she get some?

No! What is happening? That said, Jessica does go get some corned beef with cop, so maybe he made her kiss his Blarney Stone.

Was it any good?

I hate Grady.

Any trivia?

Ron Masak would go on to play Cabot Cove Sheriff Mort Meztger from season 5 on.

The closing credits originally contained a tribute to Richard Levinson, co-creator of the series, who had died of a heart attack a few days before the episode aired. This tribute was removed for rebroadcasts.

Give me a reasonable quote:

NYPD Lt. Timothy Hanratty: Now, now, there’s no such thing as ghosts. Banshees maybe, and of course there’s the little people, but no ghosts.

What’s next?

The reform mayor dies in a so-called accident, and the mayor’s father is murdered after he demands an investigation into it.

APRIL MOVIE THON DAY 14: Oltretomba (Beyond) (1987)

April 14: Viva Italian Horror — Pick an Italian horror movie and get gross.

The restoration and release of Fabio Salerno’s work by Blazing Skull—specifically within the collection The Other Dimension and the Films of Fabio Salerno—has finally shone a light on a corner of Italian underground cinema that was nearly lost to time. Blazing Skull’s assessment of Salerno is bold but fitting: they position him as the “missing link between Dario Argento and George & Mike Kuchar.”

In just over 15 minutes, Salerno’s short The Other Dimension (1987) explores the hubris of a man obsessed with the afterlife. Like a no-budget version of Flatliners, the protagonist seeks to pierce the veil by undergoing a temporary, controlled death. Obsessed with seeing the other side, he wants to link his mind with a dying man and follow him into the dimension of the dead. To achieve this, he identifies a target, a wicked man who is a thief or a drug user, believing this will lead him to the most interesting parts of Hell.

He finds the unconscious individual in a derelict building and uses a syringe to inject himself with a substance meant to induce a death-like trance. As the drug takes effect, he attempts to focus his mind on the dying stranger to bridge the gap between life and the beyond. He describes falling into a trance but finds that nothing served and realizes too late that the dose he took was bad stuff. There’s also a sink filled with worms that he eats out of, because of course he should.

Sadly, Saserno would die just six years after making this. He also made The Harpies, another movie even more indebted to Argento’s movies.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Murder, She Wrote S3 E18: No Laughing Murder (1987)

Someone is found dead after the engagement party for the offspring of two estranged comics.

Season 3, Episode 18: No Laughing Murder (March 15, 1987)

Welcome to Cooperville, New York. Jessica is in town to visit the Hiawatha Lodge, which is owned by the widower of Jessica’s dear, departed college pal. He’s a retired stand-up comic, and his daughter is set to walk down the aisle with the son of his former comedy partner, who’s now a bitter arch-nemesis.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury?

Murray and Mack, the former comedy duo in this, are Buddy Hackett as Murray Gruen and Steve Lawrence as Mack Howard. 

Corrie Gruen, Murray’s daughter, is played by Beth Windsor, while her fiancé, Kip Howard, is played by George Clooney.

George Furth is played by Farley Pressman in one of his three roles on the show.

David Knell plays Police Chief Wylie B. Ledbetter.

Sheree North plays Norma Lewis. You might know her as Kramer’s mother.

Arte Johnson from Laugh-In is Phil Rinker.

Pat Crowley plays Trudy Howard.

In smaller roles, Pat Delany is Ms. Kline, Alice Nunn (Large Marge!) is Henrietta, Richardson Morse is Dr. Worth, Daniel Chodos is Al, Paul Ganus is a P.A., Ron Cey is a musician, 

What happens?

At a wedding bash that feels more like a wake, Mac (half of the comedy duo Murray and Mack) gets a knife in the back. He pulls through because you can’t kill a comic that easily. He’s probably died on stage a thousand times. The real tragedy? Phil, their agent, is found swinging from a rope in the storeroom.

The local law is represented by Wiley, a rookie cop who looks like he’s still waiting for his first shave. He knows he’s outclassed, so he leans on Jessica like a crutch. Our girl J.B. takes one look at the scene and realizes this wasn’t a suicide. It was a cold-blooded hit.

Phil had found the discrepancies in the books, so he had to be killed.

Who did it?

The investment advisor. It’s always the guy with the ledger. He was skimming the duo’s accounts to fund a lifestyle their jokes couldn’t actually afford.

Who made it?

This was directed by Walter Grauman and written by Tom Sawyer, one of the 20+ episodes he wrote. 

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid? Does she get some?

No, and I am beyond enraged.

Was it any good?

It’s decent, even if it feels like every detective show has a comedy partner murder.

Any trivia?

Mack and Murray do an Abbott and Costello routine from Rio Rita.

While we’re discussing fighting comedic teams, Buddy Hackett played Bud Abbott in Bud and Lou

Give me a reasonable quote:

Murray Gruen: Well, actually, I am here. And, Mack, I gotta be here in this town. You see, I met this… I met this broad here in the town, and… Sh-She kinda expects me… to take her on a honeymoon.

Norma Lewis: Honeymoon? Honeymoon?

Trudy Howard: Oh! That’s great!

Norma Lewis: A honeymoon!

What’s next?

Grady Fletcher is in big trouble again when his boss is found dead and he is the main suspect.