Microwave Massacre (1983)

I love horrible movies. I always wonder, “What’s my limit? How bad can it get to make me hate a movie?” The new barometer for bad has been found and it is Microwave Massacre.

Donald (Jackie Vernon, a raunchy comedian who was also the voice of Frosty the Snowman, which still kind of blows my mind) works construction by day and has another job by night: dealing with his wife. She keeps cooking gourmet foods that all come out bad and he yearns for the bologna and cheese sandwiches that his co-workers are chowing down on. Then, his wife buys a gigantic microwave, which makes even worse meals.

Our hero, such as he is, comes home and loses his temper about all the bad meals and ends up killing his wife. He doesn’t remember any of it the next morning as he has a big hangover. He starts cutting up his wife’s body and rolling it in foil. Once he accidentally eats some, he learns how delicious she is. And oh yeah, her head is still alive.

Soon, he’s sharing the meat with his friends and starts killing prostitutes to make more of his secret recipe. Of course, all this cooking leads to a heart attack. And a visit by his wife’s sister, who he has to tie up and gag with bread.

Of course, all good — or bad, this movie is Troma level bad — things must come to an end. Donald dies of a heart attack, the pacemaker in his chest canceled out by the microwave, which still has May’s living head inside.

The box art is amazing. That’s the nicest thing I can say. Otherwise, it’s a painful exercise in puerile humor and poor effects. Watch with caution. That said, if you want to see it, you can get the Arrow release at Diabolik DVD or stream this at Amazon Prime.

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