Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)

I always wonder what my limits are. Like, when is a movie so bad that even I will say, “This movie is horrible.” I thought that last year, when I watched Jack Frost, that I had hit the absolute nadir of my movie watching. And then, Jack Frost 2 showed up and I realized how wrong I was.

Sam Tiler (Christopher Allport, returning from the last film) has been struggling with returning to normal life after the last film. His wife, played by the returning Eileen Seeley, suggests a tropical vacation to get as far away from the winter and his constant fear of snowmen. Plus, his deputy and secretary (again returning are Chip Heller and Marsha Clark) are getting married, so they can kill two snowbirds with one stone.

Of course, the FBI screws everything up and brings Jack back from the dead. Now, he shares a psychic link because Sam’s blood is in the antifreeze that killed him back in the first film. Jack’s nose — a carrot — follows them to the tropical island of Colonel Hickering (Ray Cooney, who somehow doesn’t list this film on his Wikipedia page).

What ensues is everyone making fun of Sam for his constant fear of snowmen and a slasher film as Jack begins killing people, even taking their eyeballs out ala Fulci. Meanwhile, Agent Manners (not Stephen Mendel any more, but now played by David Allen Brooks) has survived being maimed by Jack and is here to protect the island.

What follows is pure ridiculousness. The rules of the last film no longer apply, as antifreeze no longer hurts Jack. He also has the power to give birth to baby snowmen that kill even more people. Sam panics and his wife takes over, realizing that Sam and Jack share the same vulnerabilities, including an allergy to bananas, which they use to kill Jack’s new family of baby snowmen.

Sam ends up getting himself together and kills Jack like he’s a giant shark: you guessed it, he blows him up real good. Meanwhile, everyone forgets that two of the main characters were locked in a freezer and they die. Yes, really. And a large carrot killing two sailors in the post-credit sequence hints at the sequel that was never made, where Jack would become Godzilla sized, entitled Jack Frost 3: The Last Coming.

That third movie will never come as Allport was killed by an avalanche. I don’t want to speculate on whether or not Jack Frost was involved.

Trying to decide which Jack Frost movie is better is kind of like trying to decide which family gathering at your ex-wife’s parents was better: the one where a child picked your cat up by the head and threw it down the steps or the one where you hid in the bathroom, alternatively crying and playing an old LCD blackjack game.

 

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