I’ve never seen any of the movies that director and writer Les Sekely has made like Night of the Living Date, The Not-So-Grim Reaper and The Alien Conspiracy: Grey Skies, but I have seen this and I totally am hunting for the rest.

This movie feels less like a narrative movie and more like someone made a Dark Brothers or Rinse Dream adult movie mainstream, giving it constant blasts of words and images and a ghost man in a closet and vampires who can move through the timestream and random muscicvideo sequences where people are encouraged to “Bite Her In the Butt.”

Most of the other reviews I’ve read for this film are either beyond angry that they endured it, wondering whether or not the humor was intentional or not, or nearly shut it off but stuck with it and still aren’t sure what they have seen.

As you can imagine, these are the movies that obsess me.

Natalie is a vampire who was killed by Buffy — yes, this is intended to be a reference — which has her call to her sister Lorelei (Jillien Weisz) from beyond the grave and demand revenge by killing Buffy’s sister Sue Anne Marie (J.J. Rodgers) and her fellow pledges to the Alpha Omega sorority. One of them is a talented guitar player — she can play “Eruption” seemingly without fingertapping and sleeps with her axe — who has The Man Who Never Calls Back (the director!) on speed dial, hoping to sign to his label and escape college. Another is a nerdy girl named Jenna (Micky Levy). There’s also another who is impossibly tall.

There’s also a Hooded Man who gets some kids to go to the Old Crenshaw Place, where Lorelei has been trapped in a coffin for five years. They’re promised porn magazines and instead of looking in the woods like every other kid in the 80s and 90s did, they find a coffin and a vampire who comes back but isn’t strong enough to bite necks any longer so she must “Bite Her In the Butt.”

Like I said, some folks are going to watch this and see the budget and that it doesn’t look like movies do today — come on, people — and dismiss it. For others, they will savor moments like when a vampire goes up in flames and says the last line from Ms. 45. “Sister!”

I found an interview with Sekely online about this movie and it notes that he also composed the movie for this and considered it his baby. Of the film, he said, “Vampire Time Travelers, in one word, is … fun. A little scary, mostly campy, and even slightly sexy … fun. (We didn’t have the budget to be serious). It’s Woody Allen meets Stephen King … meets MTV. To sum it up … You know when you have a dream, it’s a bunch of strange scenes and events, one after another, that are not connected. Well, Vampire Time Travelers is a lot like that … except the events are connected. Basically … go with it!”

I Know What You Did in English Class (2000): Directed and written by Les Sekely (Vampire Time Travelers), this is similar to that film and this quote that I used to describe that one is even more accurate: “This movie feels less like a narrative movie and more like someone made a Dark Brothers or Rinse Dream adult movie mainstream, giving it constant blasts of words and images…” If I say Party Doll-A-Go-Go and you get it, you’re a pervert, and we should be friends, and you’ll know exactly what kind of strange editing and barrage of sound effects and dumb jokes that entails.

Years ago, students destroyed the life of their teacher. Most of them got over it, but only one still feels some empathy and wonders what happened to her, perhaps because his girlfriend is also a teacher. Yes, you now get that this is not a rip-off of I Know What You Did Last Summer, except for being close to the title.

I can see that as a movie that would anger many viewers, as it doesn’t even let up with being silly, even when it’s trying to be heartfelt. The sound effects, if anything, get louder and more repetitive, kind of like Max Headroom repeating himself. It was something in the way 90s and 00s movies could be edited and doesn’t seem to have survived until today. Yet here’s this film, rescued by Visual Vengeance, a little shot in Lakewood, OH effort about demons, classroom hijinks and the regret of growing up, mixed with male gaze rear-end shots and a Troma-like sensibility without nudity. I haven’t seen many movies like it, so you should try it at least.

Extras include commentary with director Les Sekely; interviews with Sekely, JJ Rodgers, Angelia Scott interview, Director of Photography Dennis Devine and Assistant Director Steve Jarvis; Not So Grim Reaper short; Visual Vengeance trailers; a “Stick Your Own” VHS sticker set;  I Know What You Did In English Class with commentary by director Les Sekely; a reversible sleeve featuring new I Know What You Did In English Class art and a folded mini-poster. You can get this from MVD.

Directed and written by Les Sekely (Vampire Time Travelers), this is similar to that film and this quote that I used to describe that one is even more accurate: “This movie feels less like a narrative movie and more like someone made a Dark Brothers or Rinse Dream adult movie mainstream, giving it constant blasts of words and images…” If I say Party Doll-A-Go-Go and you get it, you’re a pervert, and we should be friends, and you’ll know exactly what kind of strange editing and barrage of sound effects and dumb jokes that entails.

Years ago, students destroyed the life of their teacher. Most of them got over it, but only one still feels some empathy and wonders what happened to her, perhaps because his girlfriend is also a teacher. Yes, you now get that this is not a rip-off of I Know What You Did Last Summer, except for being close to the title.

I can see that as a movie that would anger many viewers, as it doesn’t even let up with being silly, even when it’s trying to be heartfelt. The sound effects, if anything, get louder and more repetitive, kind of like Max Headroom repeating himself. It was something in the way 90s and 00s movies could be edited and doesn’t seem to have survived until today. Yet here’s this film, rescued by Visual Vengeance, a little shot in Lakewood, OH effort about demons, classroom hijinks and the regret of growing up, mixed with male gaze rear-end shots and a Troma-like sensibility without nudity. I haven’t seen many movies like it, so you should try it at least.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Mankind has been terraforming Mars, knowing the Earth won’t be livable for long. Yes, pre-Elon Musk, this was a movie. 

When the air levels start to go wrong, Mars-1 is sent to investigate. The team includes Mission Commander Kate Bowman (Carrie-Anne Moss), co-pilot Ted Santen (Benjamin Bratt), science officer Bud Chantilas (Terence Stamp), mechanical systems engineer Robby Gallagher (Val Kilmer), bioengineer Quinn Burchenal (Tom Sizemore) and terraforming expert Chip Pettengill (Simon Baker). 

On the surface, things start to fall apart. As the group runs out of oxygen, Chantilas is critically injured, Petengill pushes Santen off a cliff, and their robot AMEE is damaged and begins to take them out one by one. But as they learn that they can breathe Mars’ air, perhaps they can find something that can save Earth.

While Tom Sizemore and Val Kilmer had been friends, much like the antics on Mars, they soon came to blows. Kilmer was mad that the production had paid for Sizemore’s elliptical machine to be shipped to the set, and he screamed, “I’m making ten million on this. You’re only making two!” Then Sizemore threw a weight at him. Things were so bad that body doubles were used for many of their scenes together. Kilmer reportedly refused to say Sizemore’s character’s name, saying instead, “Hey, you!” Eventually, they fought, and Sizemore would later file a restraining order against Kilmer.

Directed by Antony Hoffman and written by Chuck Pfarrer and Jonathan Lemkin, this film — along with The Saint, The Island of Dr. Moreau and a few others — started the idea that Kilmer was box office poison.

The Arrow 4K UHD release of this film includes extras such as interviews with visual effects supervisor Jeffrey A. Okun and helmet and suit designer Steve Johnson; a brand-new visual retrospective with film critic Heath Holland; deleted scenes; and a trailer. It comes inside a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Matt Griffin with an illustrated collector’s booklet featuring new writing on the film by Mark A. Altman. You can get it from MVD.

Annie Wilson (Cate Blanchett) is psychic. While supernatural films can’t always be giallo, psychic abilities are generally alright, as seen by the inclusion of Fulci’s film of the same name. There are so many rules. Anyway, she mainly uses her powers to help people who have a rougher life than she and her three children, like Buddy (Giovanni Ribisi) and Valerie (Hilary Swank), whose abusive husband Donnie (Keanu Reeves) has threatened Annie’s life after she advises Valerie to leave him. 

Jessica King (Katie Holmes) has disappeared. The fiancée of school principal Wayne Collins (Greg Kinnear), she comes to Annie in a vision, telling her that she’s in a pond on Donnie’s property. The dream or message or whatever you believe is true, as Donnie is soon arrested. That night, Buddy, who has been upset about this murder, keeps trying to connect to Annie, who is overwhelmed by the body being found. He goes home and ties his father to a chair, setting him on fire in return for abusing him as a child.

The visions continue, as Annie believes Donnie is innocent and loved Jessica, with whom he was having an affair. She asks prosecutor David Duncan (Gary Cole) to reopen the case; he refuses, and she reminds him that she knows that he also had an affair with Jessica. This feels like Rome in the 70s, not Georgia; it’s just missing fashion, black gloves, and a better soundtrack. Actually, the Christopher Young score is good, but maybe some Morricone?

So who did it? Can Annie’s powers save her life and find the real killer? Written by Billy Bob Thornton and Tom Epperson before Sling Blade, Thornton based this on his mother’s real psychic abilities. It’s directed by Sam Raimi, who knows a little bit about suspense. Of course, Annie drives the car that is in every one of Raimi’s films, a Delta 88 Oldsmobile.