Bob Martin (Vinnie Bilancio) is your average college kid with bad skin, worse grades and a diet consisting mostly of instant ramen and existential dread. That all changes when he moves into a spare room owned by Crystal Traum (Wendi Winburn). She’s the kind of ice-cold blonde who looks like she stepped off a 1940s noir set. She’s the face of Crystalnetics, a New Age movement that promises to align your cellular frequency.

Under Crystal’s guidance, Bob undergoes the Prismatic Purge, a sequence involving strobe lights, cheap CGI geometric shapes, and a heavy dose of New Age techno.

Suddenly, Bob is in his true form. His body has improved, his brain is firing on all cylinders. He feels like a god. Bilancio plays the post-purge Bob with a hilarious, hyper-caffeinated intensity. He stops blinking. He starts speaking in frequencies. He carries himself with the unearned confidence of a man who just discovered the secret of the universe in a bowl of crystals.

While his skin clears up, Bob starts noticing strange anomalies, like his sweat smelling vaguely of ozone and his reflection in the mirror moving a half-second slower than he does.

What strikes me here is that for as unbelieving as Bob has been about every religion he studies, once Crystalnetics works for him, he’s all in. But, as they say, if it’s too good to be true, you’re probably about to be eaten by a stop-motion space slug.

Enter a weary detective with a folder full of accidental deaths and a theory that Crystal’s followers are checking out early. His questions lead Bob to start poking around the inner sanctum and discovering that Total Enlightenment is actually just a fancy term for becoming an appetizer. Yes, all this getting clean is just purging the body of pollution so that it tastes better for a kind of, sort of Elder God.

Before the credits roll, he’s dodging cloaked goons, battling rubbery monstrosities and squaring off against the cult’s leader, R. R. Deepak. He isn’t just a leader; he’s a physical manifestation of corporate greed and cosmic hunger.

From a Tom Cruise-ish actor named Dusty Chase (Tim Gannon) to a cleanse that makes sure you never get sick or tired — and clean — but just leaves you in your underwear while a stop-motion demon turns you into a snack, this movie has everything I love all in one place.

Director and writer Jeff Leroy (Rat Scratch Fever) is someone who turns a low budget into a high concept, something lost on so many direct to streaming movies today. I love that a monster movie can also be about indiviuality, Scientology and celebrity worship, all made with the kind of money most movies spend on energy drinks.

“The spilling of blood brings one closer to God.” Spill that goopy blood, bring me that rubbery monster, strobe those images, send in the gorgeous women dressed like a Church of Satan spread in a late 60s men’s magazine and bring me the detective who thinks you can shoot an eldritch horror from beyond the wall of sleep with a revolver.

I am so beyond all in for this movie and you should be too.

There’s also The Screaming: Reborn on the Visual Vengeance release, which has CGI instead of physical effects for the demon god. Your mileage may vary on whether you prefer this look or the way the film was first made, but the cut feels tighter and more shadowy in a good way.

Extras include a CD soundtrack of the original score by Jay Woelfel, director supervised master from existing tape masters, commentary with Tony Strauss of Weng’s Chop Magazine, a making of, The Screaming: Reborn, a director remastered alternate verison of film with commentary from director Jeff Leroy, producer Dave Sterling and star Vinnie Bilancio, an image gallery, trailers, a mini-poster, “Stick Your Own” VHS sticker set, a reversible sleeve featuring original VHS art and a limited edition O-Card.  You can get it from MVD.