EVEN MORE FUCKED UP FUTURES: W is War (1983)

The Weapons of Death, The Vehicles of Destruction, The Army of Terror… Together they spread their evil across the land! But then there was…W!

I can honestly tell you that while I’ve watched hundreds of Mad Max rip offs, I have never seen a movie like this one. This is the pure bad movie drug that you need to freebase.

How can I even start? As directed by Willy Milan, this is how the Philippines must have seen the end of the world, yet it appears to take place in our modern world. Nosfero leads an army of bald, face painted maniacs who worship strength and have no mercy for the weak. His dangerous cult starts a marijuana and murder empire until Sergeant W2 of the special police tries to stop him. He does well until W and his minions defeat him and cut his dick off.

Yes, you read that right. The hero of this film gets castrated minutes into the film. It ruins his marriage, in a scene where we see his wife masturbating in the shower while he destroys the living room in an impotent rage. That sounds dramatic — trust me, it’s hilarious.

What must one man do? Simply have a montage where he and a bald punk girl weld all manner of metal to his car then stand against the sun rising before slowly rolling out and killing every member of the gang.

The gang! Cyclops! Pentagon! A whole bunch of people in vests! It’s like the comic Love and Rockets became real life and everyone took their fashion cues from it. And their cars! Not since Wacky Races have so many silly vehicles been on your TV screen!

I re-watched the ending of this film numerous times in a haze and still need to see it again. It completely blew out what remains of my fevered film fanatic mind. I dream of a world where more movies are like this — there is a sequel called Mad Warrior and you better believe we’re going to be covering it — but I don’t know if we can handle it. It’s like crack. Of course, it’s a better cocaine. But it just might kill people because not everyone can handle it.

The maniacs at Cult Action — who somehow were able to get me the Italian TV version of Yor, Hunter from the Future — have this. You should go buy it right now, quit your job, shave your head and join the gang of this movie. Do it.

 

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