Hey, wait a minute . . . I know that artwork!

Let me stop you right there, ye VHS junkoid: This isn’t a retitle-repack of Hands of Steel or Alien Terminator, aka Top Line, and Godfrey Ho’s Massacre Ninja is a ripoff in artwork, only. Oh, yes you VCR zombie: this is a whole new movie — well, as “new” as any Italian ripoff of The Terminator can be — starring Henry Silva. And just to make sure you’ll fooled into thinking — I don’t know how anyone was — this is, in fact, a sequel to the James Cameron film, this was also released as The New Terminator. And it was also — although it has nothing to do with the Albert Pyun written and directed and Jean-Claude Van Damme-starring movie of the same name — released as Cyborg II. Now, if you’re keeping track, that Pyun-Van Damme flick had its own sequel, Cyborg 2 (1993), starring Angelina Jolie and Jack Palance . . . but that’s actually a “sequel” to the other cyborg ripoff’er, Nemesis (1992). But our cyborg in this particular cyber-romper stomper has slick-backed hair and wears military fatigues . . . so he looks like a member from the Universal Soldier platoon.

Ugh. I have a headache. And we haven’t even rolled the movie, yet. So, yes, goodbye headache. Hello, migraine. And who’s responsible for this insane pain in the brain?

Make up artist Giannetto De Rossi in his directing debut. Perhaps you’ve seen his follow up film Killer Crocodile 2 from 1990? Or his E.T. ripoff Tummy from 1995? No, didn’t think so. But you’ve seen his make up work in When Women Had Tails (1970), the Star Wars dropping The Humanoid (1979), and Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond (1981). Then there’s Zombie, House by the Cemetery, and Atlantis Interceptors. De Rossi also worked on the major studio flicks of Dune, King Kong Lives, and Rambo III.

So, needless to say: the make-up work in Cy Warrior, aka, The New Terminator, aka Cyborg II, aka Invulnerable Exterminator, aka Cyborg Warrior, is excellent. Sadly: the rest of the movie sucks apoc ass steak, with its endless stream of political pondering and military yakity yak and forced cute kid-robot comedy. Yes, even with the always welcomed presence of Henry Silva and Miami, Florida-based actor Frank Zagarino in the cast. We’ve enjoyed Frankie Z. many times at B&S About Movies, courtesy of his work in the Project: Shadowchaser franchise, working with Mark Gregory in Ten Zan – Ultimate Mission, and too many Philippine-shot actioners of the post-apoc and Rambo varieties to mention.

And we mention Zargarino’s birthplace because this was shot, partly, in Miami, Florida, as well as the Dominican Republic. And I never thought I’d come to review another Sherrie Rose (be still my weeping heart) movie, but here we are, as she’s here as our ersatz Linda Hamilton. You might remember, as part of our “Fast and Furious” tribute week, we reviewed Sherrie’s (pretty fine) writing and directing debut with Me & Will, as well as her work in Sergio Martino’s American Rickshaw and the teen T&A’er, Summer Job.

Okay, so that takes care of the actor and director trivia. Let’s roll the movie!

Frank Zagarino is our resident cyborg, part of the Cy-W project in which the U.S. government has perfected a robotic warrior. For reasons that baffle, he’s in the process of being programmed-transported in cryogenic suspension on a ship the middle of the Caribbean. Courtesy of the usual incompetent soldiers and “accident,” Cy-W escapes mid-programming and makes it to the shores of the Dominican Republic.

And we cue the poorly dubbed and annoying kid.

Now, if you remember the plot of T-2, where the youthful John Connor attempted to teach human behavior to Arnie, that’s pretty much the plot of our movie. Our little Brandon runs off from his class field trip and discovers the wounded Cy-W in the woods. And Brandon takes his new friend home to introduce to his sister Susan (Sherrie Rose). And they teach “Cy” how to be human, which means, since this is the ’80s, our poor borg looks like he’s in an episode of Miami Vice. And Henry Silva is hired to bring Cy back. And ol’ Henry is the type of heavy that has no problem mowing down a few innocent Dominicans along the way. Hey, what’s a little rocket launcher projectile into a night club — if it protects U.S. national security?

Of course, Brandon is kidnapped. And Silva ends up injuring the kid. And Cy must die to save his friend.

What’s perplexing about this film — in addition to the utterly awful English dubbing of all the characters (including Silva and Rose) — is that the writer on this is Dardano Sacchetti, a usually dependable scribe who gave us the likes The Cat o’ Nine Tails, Bay of Blood, and Shock . . . as well of 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Devil Fish, and Warriors of the Year 2072. Just so many great — well, as great as a B-Movie knockoff of the Italian variety can be — giallos, zombies, and post-apoc movies . . . then there’s this Terminator turd on Sacchetti’s resume. Perhaps if Lamberto Bava, Lucio Fulci, or Sergio Martino — all whom Sacchetti wrote for — directed this? Again, Giannetto De Rossi is great in the up-against-the-budget make-up chair, but not so much in the director’s chair.

Movies like this make me feel for an actress like Sherrie Rose. She gets a lead in a movie — and it ends up not even being her voice in the final product. And for you Sherrie Rose fans that need to complete that David A. Prior and Eric Roberts section in your home movie room: Sherrie stars alongside Roberts in Prior’s 2015 offering, Relentless Justice. And that also stars Vernon “The Wez” Wells from The Road Warrior. So that looks like that may be worth checking out, right?

See. At least you discovered another new movie out of the ass steak that is Cy Warrior, which you can watch on You Tube.

About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook.

Who’s David A. Prior?

We love David A. Prior around here. Of course, you know that already, as we drop his name a lot around the digitized pages of B&S About Movies. And we like to kid David A. Prior a lot around here, too. But it’s out of respect. Which is why, even though Sam the Boss already took a crack at Future Force and Future Zone during our past post-apoc excursions, we’re reviewing them both with a second, fresh take, for this new apoc week.

In the coming months, we’re rolling out a week-long tribute to ’80s SOV films, and David A. Prior is on the list with his infamous film debut, Sledgehammer (1983), which starred his bodybuilding and ex-Chippendale’s dancing brother, Ted. And from that humble, shot-on-video beginning, David A. came to incorporate AIP — Action International Pictures — with David Winters and Peter Yuval. Winters’s own humble beginnings began with Thrashin’; after being overruled on a casting decision (Josh Brolin instead of Johnny Depp; we reviewed Brolin’s Jonah Hex, by the way), Winters vowed to make movies on his own, without studio interference. Then he gave us Space Mutiny . . . so, maybe it pays to have studio interference.

Ah, but we’re here to praise the ’90s-VHS resume of David A. Prior, a resume that would require two tribute weeks to review the joint Prior brothers’ resume. What we have reviewed is the spa ‘n blades romp Killer Workout and the Filipino actioners Firehead, The Final Sanction, and Silencer. Then there’s his female Rambo ramblings with Relentless Justice. And while Prior didn’t direct them, his Action International Pictures, which later rebranded as West Side Studios after David Winters bought out his partners, also gave us the holiday horror Elves, the apoc-slop of Phoenix the Warrior, and the exploitation zombie mess Zombie Death House.

Mr. Prior dipped his toes in the post-apoc pool again — and Brigette Nielsen in tow — with Hostile Environment, aka Watership Warrior (1999), concerned with the ol’ rebels and tainted water supply gag. We’re wondering if Dave A. brought back the flyin’ robot forearm we’ll soon discuss? We wanted to review it this week because, well, another David A. Prior flick on the site is a good thing — really. Sadly, there’s no online streams — or trailer, not even clips — for us to review and share with you.

The Reviews

And that brings us to the Mad Maxian one-two punch of the post-apoc adventures of John Tucker — he of the flying, remote controlled robot arm-cum-glove. Seriously. John can either slip on the glove to kick apoc-ass . . . or use a remote control on his belt to fly said robo-glove out of its toolbox home to zip around and punch out the bad guys. Oh, and it can shoot lasers and take out an errant helicopter. So there’s that.

Anyway — one year earlier, in the far-flung year of 2020 — things haven’t got so bad to be Mad Maxian, but bad enough to be Robocopian. But, since this is a low-budget apocalypse, the world of John Tucker is just down the street from the also not-the-Main Force Patrol apoc-shenanigans of Ron Marchini’s John Travis in Omega Cop (1990) and Karate Cop (1991). (And, to add to the confusion, David Carradine cameos in Karate Cop.) And since we don’t have the budget for full-blown Robocop body armor or Road Warrior body leathers, our cops wear sleeveless denim vests with “Special Police” and “COPS” patches on their chest.

And if it all sounds like the same movie . . . it probably is. And none of it — regardless of the vests — is very heavy metal.

This time, our merry band of law officers are a civilian bounty hunter-based organization known as C.O.P.S, aka Civilian Operated Police Systems. Our intrepid John Tucker (David Carradine) is a bitter, washed up drunk roamin’ the mean streets of Los Angeles who’s more interested in dispatching justice — like Judge Dredd — than collecting bounties in his pocket. Of course, as in Robocop, the police force is corrupt and a reporter — a female reporter, natch — has the proof. (So, yeah, we’re pinchin’ Stallone’s Cobra, too.) And now the C.O.P.S are out to stop the duo from exposing the corruption. Oh, and Tucker’s only ally is Billy (the 260-plus credits strong D.C Douglas; six new films in production), a computer genius with a spiffy wheelchair. Oh, and the chief baddy that gets his ass robo-gloved kicked is Robert Tessier from Burt Reynolds’s The Longest Yard — but since this is B&S: The Glory Stompers, The Velvet Vampire, and Chief Thor in Starcrash, just to name a few of Robert’s B-Movie delights.

So, we’ve ripped off Mad Max and mixed it with Robocop. And tossed in some Cobra and Ron Keel. What’s left to rip: The Terminator . . . or more like Charles Band’s Trancers — didn’t that have time travel and see an overseas release as Future Cop? — since there’s no way this movie can afford a James Cameron cyborg, well, at least not a borg that extends beyond the right forearm. And John Tucker ain’t no Jack Deth. And neither is a Snake Plissken. But Plissken was packing a 1998-era, mission-critical Kraco audio cassette tape and a laser-sighted revolver. And Tucker has a robo-arm. So who is kicking whose ass around Los Angeles: David A. Prior, for at least he came up with a techno-trinket and didn’t have Tucker packing Carpenter’s “future” audio cassettes.

Anyway, this time, the C.O.P.S will stop John Tucker . . . so they think. Tucker’s son, Billy (Ted Prior) — and not the same Billy from Future Force — travels back in time to 1990 to stop his dad’s murder. Oh, and save Tucker’s wife — and Billy’s mom — from kidnappers. And that’s pretty much it. The glove kicks ass. There’s explosions. Turned over cars. Oh, and requisite baddie soldier-cop Charles Napier (best known in the mainstream, celluloid throes as CIA officer Marshall Murdock in Rambo: First Blood Part II) and Jackson Bostwick, the original Captain Marvel from the ’70s Saturday morning TV series Shazam!, beef up the cast (well, this is a step up from the Gold Key Entertainment-verse with Killing at Outpost Zeta and Escape from DS-3, after all, right Jackson? Uh, is it?).

So, which is better and which is worse? Opinions vary. Can you make it through both and figure it out for yourself? Well, what do you expect from a law enforcement agency that spends their money on a fleet of un-Mad Maxian Jeep Cherokees with remote control doors — then blows their remaining operational budget on robo-gloves that flash an “OK” and Devil’s Horn” signs after its remote ass-kickings?

Exactly.

For no one thought to rent the repurposed Death Race 2000 Calamity Jane from Claudio Fragasso used in Interzone or Scorpion’s bubble-topped Camaro from Enzo G. Castellari’s Warriors of the Wasteland. And speaking of Trancers and cars . . . Band’s future cop romp repurposed the Spinner from Bladerunner, which was also repurposed in Solar Crisis (1990) and Soldier (1998). Come on, Mr. Prior, a fleet of Jeep Cherokees will save our future? Could you be more cheapjack? Okay, so don’t rent out the Spinner. Could you have at least attempted a flashy, MFP-styled paint job on the jeeps? And . . . hey . . . wait a sec . . . are those the same Jeep Cherokees from the earlier adventures of John Travis in Omega Cop(y) and Karate Cop(y)?

Where to Watch

You’ve got four chances to tough out the John Tucker-verse: Tubi offers the RiffTrax’s versions of Future Force and Future Zone. If you’re a purist — like moi — you can watch the un-riffed VHS rips on You Tube for Future Force and Future Zone. And no, while David Carradine stars in the similarly-titled Crime Zone, that’s a whole other zone unto itself — courtesy of Roger Corman’s Concorde Productions. The same goes for Carradine’s brush with Cirio H. Santiago in Kill Zone from 1993.

The Music of Gail Jensen

And since we mentioned Ron Keel and are in a musical mood: The resident damsel-in-distress in Future Zone, aka Ms. and Ma Tucker, is Gail Jensen, aka, Ms. David Carradine. The Carradines married in Rome in 1988 during the filming of the Italian-British co-production of the Terence Young-directed sports drama, Run for Your Life, aka, Marathon. Now, if the name Terence Young is familiar to you spy flick junkies . . . yes, Young is the director behind the early Bond classics Dr. No (1962), From Russia with Love (1963), and Thunderball (1965). (We could do a theme week on Young’s resume; we haven’t reviewed many of his films, but we did take a look at his box office bomb, Inchon.)

Anyway, back to Gail Jensen.

While Jensen acted (she made her debut in a 1974 episode of TV’s popular cop-procedural, McCloud, and had a support role in the ’80s slasher Don’t Answer the Phone) and helped co-produce David’s later films, she was primary known as a musician and songwriter. Her credits include the songs “Walk the Floor” and “Hello Heartbreak” — both sung by David — and “History Hall” and “Shot Full of You Love” — both sung by Gail — for Larry Cohen’s Maniac Cop. Her biggest success as a songwriter was the Lee Majors-sung “Unknown Stuntman,” which she co-wrote with Glen Larson and Dave Somerville (Larson were both members of — but not at the same time — The Four Preps; Somerville went onto greater fame with the ’50s vocal quartet, The Diamonds). Jensen also wrote the 1977 single “Prairie Dog Blues” for McCloud actor Dennis Weaver. (You can also check out David Carradine’s songwriting and singing with “Divining Rod” featured in Roadside Prophets.)

Unfortunately, when you Google Gail Jensen to learn more about her music career, all links lead to her disclosure of David Carradine’s kinky sex proclivities, which led to his death. For the curiosity seekers of the dark side of Hollywood, you can learn more about the legal fallout of David’s — and eventually Gail’s — deaths via the IMDb’s news section on Gail Jensen (and that page with the press links has now been wiped; you’re on your own with Google).

Personally, I much rather know more about Gail’s music career — which Hollywood seems to have swept under the rug.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Oy! This movie. Once I became sentient, I couldn’t get it out of my head.

Courtesy of Sam the Bossman devising another “Apoc Week,” I came to review Games of Survival, and its psuedo-sequel-cum-remake, Badlanders, which lead to my first learning — and for my first watch — of this post-apoc’er slopper, courtesy of the acting common denominator of martial artist Michael M. Foley (also of Karate Cop and Desert Kickboxer fame).

Musings of a Video Rental Youth

Now, in all my years — and all of my video store memberships and cut-out and close-out VHS dumpster dives — I’ve never encountered Cybernator*. Or maybe I have and, because the covers are so awful, I passed on it? And the cover on the left is the BEST of the covers, trust me. And . . what the hell? Is that a Windows 3.1 “Wing Dings” font on the alternate cover? At least the he-ain’t-Plughead-from-Circuitry Man-cum-Blue Man Group dude with the head hoses and light saber-gun is giving me something to strive for . . . but friggin’ DOS-based “Dingbat” fonts?

Oh, by the Kobol Lords, this is going to rock!

Okay, so . . . Cybernator is the type of film where it strives to be a cross between James Cameron’s The Terminator and Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner on a Grandma’s and Auntie’s birthday money budget — where Los Angeles in the far-flung year of our SOV 2010 looks a lot like our Los Angeles in the year of our present-day, late 1980s (when this epic was shot; and probably not on video and actually on film, but it sure do looks like an ’80s SOV’er, Jethro).

I Am Asking Too Much From This Movie . . .

And soak up that “effects” shot of the big city, because once we get down into those mean streets of L.A., we get a whole lot of red brick buildings and ’80-era Japanese motor vehicle imports. Which begs the question: If you can’t effectively set design your film to look like it’s nineteen years in the future, why not just set your film in the present day? At least the absolutely WORST of the The Terminator-cum-Robocop knockoffs — yes, it is WORSE than Cybernator — 1987’s R.O.T.O.R, had the good common sense to keep it in real time.

As with my argument concerning David A. Prior’s exploits of John Tucker in Future Force and Future Zone: Cybernator is a whole lot of “futuristic” Jeep Cherokees on the apoc-prowl. For if you’re going to set up a 2010-futureverse, rent out the repurposed Death Race 2000 Calamity Jane from Claudio Fragasso used in Interzone or Scorpion’s bubble-topped Camaro from Enzo G. Castellari’s Warriors of the Wasteland. Hit up Charles Band and rent out some of the props from Trancers, and his not-Mad Max-or-Star Wars romps Spacehunter and Metalstorm, from the Full Moon backlot.

Heck, even Band’s future cop romp repurposed the Spinner from Bladerunner, which was also repurposed in Solar Crisis (1990) and Soldier (1998). Call Universal and borrow a DeLorean. Call Cinema Vehicles or Paramount Picture Cars, for there’s bound to be “futuristic” rides on their lots. Even Don Coscarelli knew to call up 20th Century Fox to rent out their lot of tombstones to create Morningside Cemetery in a park. What’s with all of these four-door sedans and Hondas and Toyotas and panel vans? What’s the deal with my Aunt Martha’s 1950s era apartment furnishings? If there was a cemetery in Cybernator, would it be of the grey-painted plywood grave markers variety? Ed called and he wants his wood back.

Yes, alas, I am asking too much from a movie . . . with gouache-on-hot press board matte paintings and Windows DOS 3.1 poster fonts. But at least the he-ain’t-Plughead-from-Circuitry Man-cum-Blue Man Group dude with the head hoses and light saber-gun is giving me something to strive for. . . .

Finally, the Plot!

Okay, so between the voiceovers, expositional babble, and newscasts — and video box copywriters — we’re in a world where the economy collapsed, the government has fallen, and riots and violence run rampant across the good ol’ U.S.A. But don’t worry, the bastardly Colonel Peck (ubiquitous screen heavy William Smith doin’ the Eric Roberts put-a-name-on-the-box role) has dispatched his military-trained cyborg assassination squads to kill off all the terrorists and scumbag politicians and corrupt military officials that have ruined America. QAnon! Trump! March 2021! Viva America! Ack! Kamala Harris is a cyborg plant! Governor Coumo’s master plan is to turn Manhattan Island into a prison to dump the enemies of Nancy Pelosi! (And, in that short sentence, I just plotted a better movie than Cybernator.)

Anyway, one of the borg’s targets is Senator Overstreet — and his (overweight) collateral damage stripper girlfriend (warning: there’s a lot of gratuitous strippers and long-lingering stripping in this movie, so there’s that). Another borgie target is the tech guru who dreamed up the “Blackhawk” project that unleashed the cyborg assassination squads on the citizenry.

Oh, there’s more. . . .

So, Detective Brent McCord and his partner Jim Weaver are the kind of cops who like to kick back at the local flesh repository for some all-you-can-eat wings and lap dances — oh, right: Blue the Stripper is McCord’s girlfriend . . . and McCord is a “racist” that hates cyborgs (#cyborglivesmatter) — then find themselves in the middle of a Spirit Halloween-dressed cyborg shoot-em up that leads to them — and not the cyborgs — blamed for the murders of our corrupt Senator and the Project: Blackhawk guy.

Yawn.

So, who’s the “Cybernator,” already? The Blue Man Group hosey-head guy? (Played pretty well by Michael M. Foley in pretty decent, budget-effective make up by Steve Patino — yes, the same guy who did the Silver Sphere’s in Phantasm II, as well as Stuart Gordon’s From Beyond, Re-Animator and the first Predator.) Oh, is it William Smith’s Colonel Peck! Is the big plot twist that he’s a cyborg? (And back to the cars? You had Steve Patino on set; he could have come up with something better than a Vespa and a Toyota two-door.)

Well, yeah, Peck is a cyborg. But it also turns out, during the course of his rogue investigation — yeah, our “bad ass” McCord quit the force — McCord discovers, like Rick Dekkard before him (I know . . . I know), that he, himself, is a cyborg . . . cop who’s now forced into destroying the cyborgs — and confronting his ol’ pop, Colonel Peck. Or are they brothers? And does McCord come to grips with his technocratic racism? Is Blue, his stripper squeeze, a cyborg, too? Does Earth become part of the Solar Federation?

Hey, we don’t “plot spoil” here at B&S About Movies. You’ll have to watch.

Wait . . . does Voivod perform “Technocratic Manipulators” as the stripper bar’s band? Does the jukebox play “Cygnus X-1” by Rush? Is “Where’s Harrison Ford?” by alt-metallers Altered State on the soundtrack? Nope, because McCord ain’t no Harrison Ford and this ain’t Blade Runner.

See? And you thought this movie was going to suck apoc ass steaks in between all the strippers, cheezy after-effects lasers, long-winding staircase chases, and squishy-scowling face emoting. Oh, and don’t forget the cyborg Samurai . . . or Samuraborg . . . Cyberai . . . or whatever it is. You will watch. For as the black hole of Cygnus X-1, the Cybernator will suck you in.

Who Wrote and Directed and Acted in This Mess?

As it turns out, this was writer-director Robert Rundle’s debut feature film, so ye streamer, cut him a generous amount of slack, okay? For his next movie, The Divine Enforcer (1992), he secured the dual services of Jan-Michael Vincent, Erik Estrada, and blaxploitation vet Jim Brown — and it was written by Randall Frakes of Hell Comes to Frogtown and Roller Blade Warriors fame — so there’s that B-Movie enticement. Then there’s Vampire Hunter (1994) with B-Movie screamer, Linnea Quigley, Run Like Hell (1995) with Robert “Maniac Cop” Z’Dar, and the return of William Smith in Raw Energy (1995). He hasn’t made a film since 2005 and, according to the IMDb, Rundle had a website, but it’s lost in the 404 error-verse.

Lonnie Schuyler, who stars as Brent McCord, actually did alright for himself from such humble, first-movie beginnings by booking a three-year recurring role on FOX-TV’s Models, Inc. and Melrose Place. He later produced, wrote, and directed his own acting showcase with the comedy Bottom Feeders (1997), and is still in the low-budget indie business. Some of the retro-reviews of Schuyler’s work — his debut, mind you — aren’t kind, but hey, the dude is trying and certainly better at the thespin’ game than Richard Gesswein in R.O.T.O.R.

It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed Dr. Coldyron drink a big ol’ cup o’ joe and yank out a tree stump, so guess what I am doin’ later today: watchin’ R.O.T.O.R. And I’ll watch Lonnie Schulyer’s McCord-inator before I watch crazy ol’ Trump-obsessed Mark Hamill in The Guvyer and Time Runner or Slipstream again, because, well, those movies aren’t as fun as Cybernator and Hammy the Ham ain’t no Harrison Ford, either.

Where to Suffer . . . Watch It

Now, if this original-release trailer and clip montage doesn’t deter you (damn you, vanishing embeds making us hyperlink) . . . well, maybe, one day, Mill Creek Entertainment will come up with an “Apocalypse” or “Android Invasion” box set and put this out on a DVD. Tinkers to Evers to Chance, Mill Creek, for Cybernator must be preserved for all hard-digital eternity.

In our DVD reality: Cybernator is out as a standalone DVD and a DVD two-fer with the Phillppines-shot Aliens ripoff Hyper Space and a Troma DVD two-fer with Digital Prophet, aka Cyberstalker starring Jeffrey Combs. As of July 2023, we can eschew the since deleted, You Tube fan-rip and suffer the wrath of the blue man hosehead guy as a proper, free-with-ads stream (of the Troma-released version) on Tubi.

* Disclaimer: Cybernator: The Movie is not be be confused with the 1992 Super Nintendo mecha-game Cybernator. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Those offended by off-color political parodies required to “chicken salad” the review of a chicken shit movie, need not apply. Cyber Samurai Warrior action figures sold separately. Copyright, 2021, B&S About Movies, Inc., P.O Box 0 Boston, Mass., 02134. Sent it to ZOOM!

** Hey, if Top Line and Cy Warrior can swipe the artwork from Hands of Steel, why not? Also look for our reviews of Circuitry Man, and our Future Zone/Future Force two-fer, this week, as we continue our latest “Apoc Week” tribute at B&S About Movies.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Uh, oh. Here comes those alternate titles and artwork, again, with this Ruggero Deodato time waster that’s also known as Fistful of Diamonds and Flash Fighter. Now, while the first title may evoke a little of the ol’ Clint Eastwood spaghetti squint in your eye, do not let the second title confuse you into thinking you’re getting a repack of Micheal Sopkiw in Blastfighter. Or Micheal Sopkiw in Fireflash, which was a repack of 2019: After the Fall of New York.

But, if you’re confused into thinking you’re possibly watching a ripoff of Patrick Swayze in Steel Dawn — which wasn’t even released yet — don’t worry. It’s an Italian-made post-apoc movie: confusion is part of the dusty terrains, which, in this case, is in Morocco.

So, hopefully, you’ve got strong eyes can read the VHS box image — and save me from typing anymore about this movie than it deserves. If not, right click and hit “view image” on your pop-up menu, to make it larger, since the box copy pretty much tells it all. However, since I’d be remiss in my journalistic duties to you, ye B&S reader, here we go.

We’ve got our ubiquitous B-Movie beefcake Miles O’Keefe from Tarzan the Ape Man, ack! No! The Miles we love was Ator in Ator, the Fighting Eagle, The Blade Master, and Iron Warrior. And maybe you don’t remember Miles as the not-Snake Plissken Python Lang in Philippines war flick Phantom Raiders, but I do.

So, with a pinch of Swayze and Eastwood, and a dusty pair of cowboy boots and a white overcoat — and don’t forget the crossbow — the singular Garrett is our “Lone Runner” of these desert proceedings. He spends his days picking off Arabs with exploding arrows via horseback — since this “future” can’t afford the obligatorily 1970s-era Mad Max rust buckets — to free a kidnapped princess being ransomed for her daddy’s diamond interested.

Lots of explosions and “hiya-ahhh”-styled kills, ensues.

Honestly, I was so bored by it all and FF’in through it, that I don’t recall if we are in the Arabian Nights’ past or a post-apoc future. And you won’t care either, since this is more Ator in a western and less Ator in an apoc — courtesy of all of the galloping horses and sword fights and flying arrows. In fact, this isn’t really an apoc at all, since it reminds of Enzo G. Castellari’s Tuareg: The Desert Warrior from two years earlier — which isn’t an apoc flick and is just a desert adventure flick that feels more like a Philippines war flick. Not even the presence of familiar British actor John Stainer (Tenebrae) and Italian cinema mainstay Hal Yamanouchi (Rat Eater King in 2019 After the Fall of New York and Red Wolf in 2020 Texas Gladiators) can save it.

Yes. The guy who made Cannibal Holocaust made this. If you must, you can watch it this (poor) English dub with Russian subtitles on You Tube.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Hey, you know how much we love Dennis Devine around the B&S About Movies’ cubicle farm, with our reviews of the slasher-rock epic Dead Girls, two reviews for Fatal Images, a “Drive-In Friday” tribute, and a review of Double D’s latest, a contribution to the indie Blood Camp franchise.

And for their joint, third feature film, Dennis and his longtime scribe, Steve Jarvis, went post-apoc.

Load the friggin’ tape!

Okay, so taking into account this is a Cinematrix Releasing apocalypse — made for $750,000 . . . wait . . . are we sure that’s not an IMDb typo and the budget is $75,000 or, more likely, $7,500 . . . where’s the other $740-plus thousand? We ask, because, there’s no apoc-automobiles in this. Just lots of animal-skinned lingerie and walking. And talking. Lots of walking and talking (through the dusty woods of Palmdale, California). And horny, rape-inclined male chauvinists. And cardboard swords. And dirt. But at least all the S&M stores weren’t wiped out when the “Big One” dropped, because all those men would be naked as the day they were born. And there are not, despite the prehistoric look of it all, any dinosaurs. Not even a guy in bear suit. But there are tubes of lipstick. Or maybe they’re were just rubbing berries on their lips? And with all of that outdoor lingerie gear, is there sunblock to protect everyone from the SPF fallout? Well, obviously, there’s still hair care products to be found. . . .

Anyway, after a voiceover’d Windows Movie Maker-pixled apocalypse, we come to meet a camp of Amazon women. And instead of banning together to make a new world, the usual Mad Maxian bandits slaughter everyone in the village — sans one child. Now a mercenary for hire, Tara takes a job escorting two princesses of a powerful warlord. And in the throes of protecting her charges, our mighty Tara comes to face to face with General Steiner: the one who slaughtered her people all those years ago. Lots of cardboard swordfights with combat-inept men, ensues.

Oh, and by the way: Amazon Warrior comes in three cuts: a “clean” 71-minute cut and the if-you-want-all-of-the-titilation-hanky panky 76-minute — and even pankier — 83-minute cuts. Which means that, as is the usual casting mystery with most Devine/Cinematrix releases, the actresses are probably incognito adult film actresses. So there’s that.

You can watch a VHS rip of the clean, 71-minute cut of Amazon Warrior on You Tube — and here’s the trailer. Many thanks to Cinecurry Hollywood for preserving this Dennis Devine obscurity. Be sure to spend some time on their page, as there’s a lot of great VHS oldies to enjoy.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

I discovered this I-never-heard-of-it before and somewhat newly-uploaded ditty back in September of last year during one of my many You Tube-rabbit hole excursions. And knowing a B&S About Movies’ movie when I see one . . . I left it on my “need to watch” back burners, waiting for the right moment . . . then Sam the Bossman came up with another apoc-theme week. So blame him for this review. And video purveyors Trans World Entertainment for releasing it.

At first glance at the VHS sleeve description, you want to call out this direct-to-video writing and directing debut by Scott Pfeiffer as a ripoff of Kevin Costner’s The Postman — only Costner’s apoc romp was released a decade later. You may know Scott Pfeiffer’s work courtesy of his next effort, the Asian white slavery romp Merchants of Evil (1993) — and that’s only because no one ever passes up a film starring William Smith (his B&S resume). After that, Pfeiffer produced a dozen other low-budget direct-to-video features, the best known of those being a sequel to Hell Comes to Frogtown. And, in a David A. Prior twist: Scott cast his brother, James, as the lead in his two writing-directing efforts.

In this apoc-obscurity, we meet a bickering husband and wife (James Pfeiffer and Janice Carraher; she vanished from the biz shortly after) — she wants a divorce and he won’t give her one — as a radio station voice-over advises us the world is on the brink of world war. Then the ubiquitous phone call: we come to learn hubby is not only a dickhead of a husband, but a dickhead of businessman involved in a nefarious South American business deal that has “the feds sniffing around.”

Luckily, our fair lady runs off into the mountains to be with her grandad. And in those same woods, a merry band of prisoners commandeer their police transport van. And hubby has to hightail it to South America to cover up his company’s corruption, because, well, everyone needs to end up in the same patch of woods. . . .

So, all of our key players are in place. Cue the apocalypse.

America is wiped out by a voice over and stock footage nuclear war. And our just another run-of-the-mill businessman in the pre-apoc world sees the all-new, wiped-out America — well, at least west of the Rockies — as the land of opportunity. Now, is it possible that Scott Pfeiffer read David Brin’s The Postman source novel released in 1985 (Costner greatly detracted from the novel in his film version) . . . because we have another psycho-businessman (in The Postman, General Bethlehem, played by Will Patton, was a photocopier salesman) with aspirations to become the land’s new neo-fascist ruler with his merry band of warriors — courtesy of those less-educated escaped prisoners. And as they travel the countryside, the rules are simple: join us or die, just like in The Postman. Meanwhile, our ex-wife and ‘ol grandad are the leaders of a peaceful, wooded enclave. And she finds love again in the arms of — not a postman — but Wilkes (co-writer Butch Engle), a wandering trader.

Do you see where this is all going? If not for the holocaust, we’d have ended up in divorce court or ended up in a ripoff of Kramer vs. Kramer — or worse: one of those psycho-husband romps of the ’90s. Now their divorce plays out — the husband’s Raiders vs. the wife’s Traders (and let’s not forget the poor Radiated People) — in the wooded battlefields of Northern California.

Is this as bad as the Canadian in-the-woods-talking SOV apoc-romp Survival: 1990? Nope. Is it any better than the Gary Lockwood-starring South America-doubling-for-Texas apoc slop that is Survival Zone? Nope. Did this all need a touch of David A. Prior? God help me, but yes . . . for once, where was David A. Prior when we needed him with his fleet of post-apoc Jeep Cherokees and his celluloid partner-in-crime David Winters’s concrete-blocked wall space ships (i.e., the not-the Battlestar Galactica Southern Star in Space Mutiny).

The end.

You can watch Fire Fight on You Tube and here’s the trailer.

About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook.

“Ivan Sen is someone I’ve worked with before, and I absolutely love him. I think he’s a great filmmaker. Mystery Road, the film which came before the TV series of the same name that he directed, was great. I’ve been watching his work for a number of years.”
— Hugo Weaving, in the 2020 pages of Collider, about his reasons for starring in Loveland

Ryan Kwanten (Jason Stackhouse in HBO’s True Blood; Dead Silence) and Hugo Weaving (Red Skull in Captain America: The First Avenger, The Lord of the Rings, Agent Smith in The Matrix franchise) star in this sci-fi romantic-thriller set in a near-future Asian megacity. Jack (Kwanten) is a mercenary-for-hire and sometimes assassin living a lonely existence his with robotic lovers in between sanctions. Upon discovering true, human love with April, a Karaoke geisha (a new to international audiences Jillian Nguyen, in her leading-lady debut), that love is quickly lost as Jack discovers he’s infected with a mysterious illness by his employers that causes his body to deteriorate — and he’s being pursued by robotic operatives. His only ally — or is he — is Dr. Bergman (Weaving) with the answers to the origins of his illness . . . and other mysteries.

This beautifully shot, international film set in Hong Kong and Macau, China, as well as Queensland and Brisbane, Australia, which comes from the mind of writer and director Ivan Sen, drips with film noir atmosphere. The film plays as a sci-if version of D.O.A., the 1950, classic American film noir directed by Rudolph Maté and starring Edmond O’Brien, while run through a Jean-Luc Godard neo-noir Alphaville filter — more so than the usual “Blade Runner” comparisons that many streamers will namedrop in their subsequent IMDb or Rotten Tomatoes reviews.

A veteran of three dramatic shorts, Ivan Sen released his feature film debut, Beneath the Clouds (2002), as well as the features Dreamland (2009), Toomelah (2011), Mystery Road (2013), and Goldstone (2016). Loveland is his sixth feature — and first internationally-distributed film. Mystery Road, also starring Hugo Weaving, was nominated for and won several awards for the Australian Film Critics Association Awards, Film Critics Circle of Australia Awards, and Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts Awards. During the film’s overseas run, it received accolades from Cannes, as well as the Toronto and Berlin International Film Festivals.

If you’d like to learn more about Hugo Weaving’s involvement and his decision to work on Loveland — as well as his other works — you can join him with Christian Radish of Collider for a September 2020 review.

Loveland — scheduled for release across Australia in October 2021 — will be released in the U.S. and North America by TriCoast Worldwide Releasing in the coming months. A trailer was officially released to the press in August 2021 by the Australian shingle, Dark Matter Distribution. As of November, you can now follow the film’s latest developments on its official Facebook page.

This film has since been retitled as Expired for its 2022 distribution — as issued by Lionsgate Entertainment — which has released a new, updated trailer in January.

Other films under the TriCoast shingle we’ve reviewed include:

Agatha Christine: Spy Next Door
Almost Sharkproof
Blood Hunters: Rise of the Hybrids
Bombshells and Dollies
Camp Twilight
Case 347
Dollhouse
It All Begins with a Song
Lava
Legend of the Muse
Lone Star Deception
My Hindu Friend
Nona
Revival
The Soul Collector
Sweet Taste of Souls
Tombstone Rashomon
White Lie

Disclaimer: We discovered this film on social media, were intrigued, and sought out the film. That has no bearing on our review. This review was updated and reposted on November 17, 2021, as the film officially rolled out, worldwide.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies and publishes short stories and music reviews on Medium.

I’m a Yutaka Takeuchi fan. You may know him for his work in several episodes of HBO’s True Blood and Netflix’s contribution to all things Marvel with The Defenders. He was also in Jason Cuadrado’s feature film debut portmanteau Tales from the Dead, and USS Indianapolis, a direct-to-DVD affair with Nicolas Cage (do read our “Nic Cage Bitch” featurette). So it’s great to see Takeuchi in a starring role carrying a feature film: as a swing-shift taxi driver — driving down a neo-noir spiral.

The femme fatale triggering the spiral is Lexy Hammonds, a relatively new actress to the game with over a dozen roles in indie shorts, features, and cable series (2016’s Crazy Love). Also look for Sarah Dumont, as Morgan, from Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse in the cast. The remainder of the unknown and local, shot around San Jose, California-cast are each effective in their roles. There’s none of that indie-streamer thespian boondoggling to be found in the frames: frames shot for $160,000 — but look much more expensive.

Cara (Hammonds), a mysterious woman with a retro arcade games fetish, jumps into Dave’s (Takeuchi) taxi — and pays out his meter for the night. Dave soon discovers the “random” errands, aka adventures, Cara takes him on — getting drinks, playing arcade games, duffel bag pick ups, and breaking into a theater, have a deeper meaning. And the “deep” turns of that “meaning” is Lenny (Johnny Gilligan from the series Blackthorne): a crime syndicate hit-man on Cara’s trail. And Lenny’s a little, shall we say, “tweaked.”

Drive All Night isn’t your typical film noir, as it emphasizes the “neo.” Sure, you’ll reflect on Michael Mann’s neo-noir Collateral (2004) starring Tom Cruise’s ne’er-do-well assassin — but that was, as is the case with Mann (Thief), an action thriller. No, this feature film writing and directing debut from Peter Hsieh leans more towards Nicolas Winding Refn’s (The Neon Demon, Only God Forgives) Drive (2011), which itself is closer to Walter Hill’s (The Warriors, Streets of Fire) existential, Easy Rider-esque stunt driver-cum-criminal romp The Driver (1978).

And that’s what’s absorbed (as least moi) from the frames: a surreal cross between Mann’s Thief (one of my all-time favorites) and The Driver (another all-timer) — with one of the eyes of Mann, and another eye from Hill, plugged into Winding Refn’s brain. The neo-noir spiral here, while certainly inspired by it, isn’t the cut-and-dry mystery, twisty black and white of the Double Indemnity variety (another all-timer): Drive All Night is much more surreal in its layered, dream-like non-reality. And since Lenny, our mob enforcer is having his own surreal breakdown — and since I just watched Takashi Miike’s Gozu this week (another all-time fave) — I see a little bit of that film’s reality-stressed yakuza in the frames (only not as WTF’d as a Miike Joint: and what film ever is or will be).

This is a great flick!

You’ll be able to watch Drive All Night on all the usual streaming platforms as of March 20, 2021.

Disclaimer: We were sent a screener by the distributor’s public relations firm. That has no bearing on our review.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies and publishes short stories and music reviews on Medium.