The Spirits of Jupiter, aka Planet Gone Mad (1984)

Editor’s Note, July 2022 Update: Thanks to our readers for quickly making this one of our most-visited reviews, with Denverites contacting us to discuss their memories of this mostly-never seen theatrically, hard-to-find film on grey-VHS. Even the director himself, Russel Kern, discovered our review — and his July 2022 memories of the production now end this review. Yes, the positivity of the Internet is real. Now, let’s sit back with a filling Denver Sandwich and a cold Colorado Bulldog and enjoy the show!

Update: July 2023: The Spirits of Jupiter: Uncut is now available for streaming on Amazon Prime and we have all the details, here.

Okay . . . now here’s what we had to say about the film in November 2021, as part of an “Apoc Films” theme week.


“Jupiter is in the house of Aries . . . the great one will cool his sword in blood.”
— The Roman god of Jupiter, or is that the Greek god of Zeus, over the opening credits, warning of man’s end

“Jupiter and Saturn, Oberon, Miranda and Titania. Neptune, Titan, Stars can frighten.”
— Syd Barrett

Denver on Film

After enjoying my revisiting with Micheal Krueger’s Denver, Colorado, shot-and-released SOV’ers Mind Killer and Night Vision (1987)*, my analog memories drifted back to this comic book shop renter: an unidentified flying oddball if there ever was one. Okay, The Spirits of Jupiter isn’t an official SOV, as it’s analogous to Don Dohler’s Fiend: a drive-in production shot on 16mm and blown up to 35mm. But you know how we feel about the 16 to 35 flicks: they walk and quack like an SOV duck, more so when our first exposure to those films wasn’t in a drive-in, but as a home video renter.

And with a cover like the one on the left, you can’t not rent it on the 5-5-5 or one-day .49 cent plan. As for the bogus cover on the right: it in no way represents the movie under the slipcover. The one on the left, however, ever so sadly, does.

Who’s Russell Kern?

Prior to making his directing debut within The Spirits of Jupiter, self-made Colorado filmmaker Russell Kern, in his scripting debut, cast go-to old codger TV western actor Sunshine Parker** in the G-rated family film, Spittin’ Image (1982). I vaguely remember that film spin spinnin’ on a lazy, UHF-TV afternoon, right around the same time I was first exposed to the likes of the not-really-kid-flicks The Little Dragons, Mystery Mansion, and the old man pedo-alien non-starter, The Force on Thunder Mountain. I have no interest in remembering anymore than that — or give it a review proper, seeing Sunshine Parker in another film, be damned.

At that point, Russell Kern vanished, only to return as the producer and director of the never-heard-of-or-seen drama Pools of Anger (1992), about a man who dedicates his life to suicide prevention. Is it a Christploitation flick? It appears on various lists, based on one’s opinion as such, but there’s no information on the web regarding the plot to verify if it is, in fact, a Christian-slanted tale. (Speaking of which: check out our “Exploring: ’70s Christian Cinema” feature, it’s loaded with films to check out.)

Anyway, let’s pop in a copy of the lone film by Russel Kern that I know all too well: the George Romero rip that is The Spirits of Jupiter . . . but we must emptor our caveats before we get started. . . .

Is this as bad as the Canadian in-the-woods-talking SOV apoc-romp Survival: 1990? Eh, er . . . an on-the-fence “No” to that question. Is it any better than the Gary Lockwood-starring South America-doubling-for-Texas apoc slop that is Survival Zone? Definitely a “No,” to that one, as that movie stinks but Lockwood’s presence makes it watchable. Did this all need a touch of David A. Prior? God help me, but a resounding “Yes!” Where was David A. Prior when we needed him with his fleet of post-apoc Jeep Cherokees from Future Force and Future Zone. Maybe if Cornell Wilde made this back in the ’70s and he had some planetary, gravitational pull junk science bring down the fall of man in his apoc-opus, No Blade of Grass. . . .

Instead, we got the production savvy-common sense of Prior’s celluloid partner-in-crime David Winters’s concrete-blocked wall space ships complete with PCs on folding tables from Space Mutiny.

Yes, for you are about to be Def-Conned, as well as Def-Fucked, 1.

Well, at least the citizens of Denver got to see it. And not the same version we watched for this review! The “plot” thickens. . . .

The Review . . . with Plot Spoilers

If you’re a fan of Cirio H. Santiago’s Equalizer 2000 and Anthony Maharaj’s Return of the Kickboxer (1987), Rex Cutter, Richard Norton’s co-star in both of those films (as Dixon and Col. Ted Ryan, respectively), stars here (and Executive Produces, as this is his vanity affair). Speaking of Kern’s debut film, Spittin’ Image: that film served as Cutter’s feature film debut, after getting his start as a background actor on several episode of Battlestar Galactica — as a Cylon Warrior. As is the case with most self-financed, regional-made flicks: the rest of the cast is one-and-gone, sans one: Chopper Bernet, who makes his acting debut, here. The ‘Chop is still crazy after all these years, with a lot of video game voice work on his resume for the G.I Joe, Marvel, and Star Wars franchises.

Okay, enough with the trivia. Let’s get into the “Romero Connection” of it all.

Hell, forget about the Romero premise. Look at the box: you’ve got a John Wayne lookalike (the hero), a CHiPs motorcycle cop (the villain), a racing Piper Cub, a helicopter, what looks like robed monks on horseback (that never show up in the film), a wayward couple on the run (to be rescued) — and Jupiter aligned with a bunch of planets. So what’s not to rent, here?

This film’s raison d’etre, however, isn’t just George Romero’s The Night of the Living Dead, well, more to the point, The Crazies. This time, instead of an errant chemical spill or crashed space probe, it’s the Jupiter Effect: an effect that fueled many of the speculative documentaries of the 1970s regarding humanity’s demise, as well as various Christploition apoc flicks.

Don’t laugh, ye reader: for the fear — as with the biblical-assured The Rapture — of the scientifically-predicted Jupiter Effect, was real.

Grade school and middle schoolers were chilled to the bone, via the pages of Scholastic magazine in our English classes and the pages of Popular Mechanics in our Industrial Arts classes. When you turned on TBN – The Trinity Broadcasting Network, Hal Lindsay, he of the bible prophecy document The Late Great Planet Earth, had all of the bible passages collated and correlated to “The Jupiter Effect” at the ready: for by March of 1982, the door would be opened for the rise of The Antichrist.

The “fear” began with the worldwide, international best seller, The Jupiter Effect (1974), written by John Gribbin and Stephen Plagemann. They advised that, on March 10, 1982, when Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto were aligned on the far side of the Sun, a multitude of catastrophes would befall the Earth, including a great quake along the San Andreas Fault; a devastating quake that would “snap” South California off the North American continent and plunge into the Pacific.

Well, er, ah . . . California is still here, so?

The duo wrote a second, lesser-selling (natch) book, The Jupiter Effect Reconsidered. Now, according to their new prediction: The Jupiter Effect actually happened, only two years earlier — and it triggered the eruption of Mount St. Helens in Washington State, on May 18, 1980.

Well, at least we got a movie out of it, with an honorable mention to Hal Lindsay, but a HUGE thanks to George Romero . . . we think. Yeah, let’s blame Georgie Boy.

In George Romero’s Pittsburgh in 1968: an errant military chemical spill triggered a worldwide zombie plague (meanwhile, in Jean Rollin’s La Morte Vivante, U.S aka’in as The Living Dead Girl*˟, a chemical spill over a coffin in a family crypt vamps (or zombifies) a too-soon-dead young woman; she triggers a plague, natch). In Russell Kern’s Denver in 1980: Jupiter’s “increased gravitational pull” affects the human brain (since it’s mostly made of water) — especially people with “certain blood types” — in higher elevations. And since the state of Colorado’s elevation runs between 10,000 to 12,000 feet, residents in the Rocky Mountains (especially in the highest point of the fictional Canon City) start acting irrationally (e.g., the town sheriff airs out the ol’ doggers on his desk — then shoots off his toes; implied, not shown, as we cutaway to Jupiter, again), then transform into flesh-hungry (on-a-budget, of course) zombies (i.e., people running around, growling, sans Fulci guacamole or Mattei grease paints; you know, just like a Rollin Spirit gummed-corn flakes n’ Karo Syrup and Red Dye #5 joint).

However, unlike a Romero joint: the local Denver acting troupe cavorting amid the frames stinks like the rotted, porcine non-thespin’ that it is. The effects — which take a snail’s pace to get to — are a bunch of cutaway-not-gory, clumsy rubber-misses. Our hero looses an eye in a (darkly shot) dog attack: end scene. Next scene: he’s sportin’ an eye patch. A butcher lops-off a customer’s hand (in a cost-effective wide shot): End scene. Next scene: there’s a rubber hand on the counter. A shovel-growling mob take a man to task, again, in a wide shot, for another SFX denial.

So, what about the plot?

That’s just it: we’re 40-plus minutes into this and there still isn’t one. There’s zero gore, for it’s all cost-effectively implied. And there’s not that much crazy. People are just unruly: men smack their wives and hold a knife to the throat, a bar fight breaks out, people rant at invisible people, and a woman threatens suicide — by jumping off a sidewalk. Of course, every time someone has an episode, there’s that pesky cutaway to Jupiter — so we know that Jupiter is at fault, here, and that the people of Denver aren’t just behaving at the usual, human status quo. Too bad we can’t blame all of 2020’s protests and CHOP n’ CHAZ zones shenanigans on gravitational shifts caused by a gas giant. (Oh, Jupiter, ye god of the skies and thunder: Did you organize the Kyrie Irving protest at the Brooklyn Barclay Center? I hope the heavenly collection plates cleaned up on the Nets losing their home opener loss to the Charlotte Hornets.)

Anyway, the lone unaffected here is our faux-John Wayne/Rooster Cogburn, aka Big Jim Diller, aka our fair Rex Cutter. And why isn’t Big Jim going nuts? Oh, you must have fast-forwarded though that plot-point: a midget Indian shaman who runs a desert junkyard warns Big Jim to wear a gold plate under his ten-gallon hat.

Finally, it took us an hour, but we’ve gotten to the apocalypse. And it ain’t all that apoc, natch.

Big Jim’s finally made it back to his hometown from his remote silver mine — now under a klaxon-echoing, car-carass and street fire-strewn apocalypse, complete with law enforcement vs. military machine gun fire (the only action-driven SFX in this borealypse) — to rescue his son and daughter, which he comes to discover, have been kidnapped by the town sheriff.

Ugh. Not this worn out apoc-plot, again.

Remember the apoc-slopper The Survivalist, where Marjoe Gortner makes it his life’s mission to bring Steve Railsback to justice — apoc fallouts, be damned? Well, our infected town Sheriff, who, before the plague broke out, suspected Big Jim of hiring illegal aliens (i.e. “undocumented workers”) to work his silver mine. And our sheriff will bring Big Jim to justice, Jupiter Effect fallouts — and racism — be damned.

Eventually, at the 70-minute mark — and we still have 40, yes 40 minutes to go — Big Jim hooks up with a group of scientists holed up in an abandoned mine that was secret-converted to a bomb shelter during the Cuban Missile Crisis. And be grateful they did: their junk science-babble about the moon, the Earth’s tides, and man’s body is 90% water, the brain is mainly water, etc., really helps along (not) the film’s exposition-heavy plot of all talk and no action. . . .

Now, moi, referring back to our Syd Barrett quote: I’d have scripted a conspiracy that Syd Barrett “Eddie Wilson’d” his own death and he converted the mine into a home (converting missile silos, bunkers, and other abandoned government installations is an architectural reality) and the ex-Pink Floyd leader solves the mystery: for “Astronomy Domine” foretold it all. But alas, Russell Kern, and not your fair R.D Francis, has the funds to fiance his own screenplays. So we end up with Rooster Cogburn, and not a faux-Syd Barrett, saving Denver from an apocalypse.

Yes. The Duke of Denver will save you. Where’s Issac Hayes when we need ’em? Or Sunshine Parker. Or Ernest Borgnine. . . . Hey, know your Escape from New York actors, buddy.

Wrapping It Up . . . with Some Zom-intel

In the end, Russell Kern’s The Spirits of Jupiter isn’t a horror film. It’s a not science fiction film. It is, however, a sometimes (very bad) comedy. It’s not a western, but in a Mad Maxian sense — courtesy of Cutter’s John Wayne-cum-Max Rockatansky — it is. And it takes us one hour fifty minutes to get there. Yes. Not 80. Not 90. But a snooze-inducing 110 minutes. A valiant effort? Sure. No one sets out to make a bad film . . . but this time, for this reviewer, this almost-forty year and forgotten grey-market apoc’er ain’t cutting it in my beloved apoc sweepstakes. No offenses to any of the hard-working cast and crew, intended. And I am not the only reviewer who expressed these same concerns. . . .

Ah, on the upside, let’s give Mr. Kern (some) credit where it is due:

If you know your zombie history: English romantic poet Robert Southy wrote a book, The History of Brazil (1819), and gave us the first use of the word “zombie” in the English language. Ah, but Southy pinched the term from Thomas Lindley, who used the West African-Kongo language term fourteen years earlier, in his Narrative of a Voyage to Brazil (1805). Back then, “zombie” referred to a “soulless corpse revived by witchcraft,” as well as a West African-Haiti voodoo serpent-deity. Then, once W.B Seabrook published his account of his travels in Haiti with The Magic Island (1929) — with a tale of freshly-dug bodies revived by sorcery — all clichéd Hell let let loose in Hollywood. And yes, you watched that book as the Bela Lugosi-starring White Zombie (1932).

Since then, the U.S., Italian and Spanish film industries, once the Tinseltown sprockets tired of the voodoo angle and the “when hell became full” inversion, gave us zombies via space probe crashes, by priest suicide, by secret government chemicals and warfare, and the corker, courtesy of Jorge Grau: by ultrasonic radiation to kill insects: yes, an insect killing machine, in The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue (1974).

So, to Russell Kern one-upping Grau’s bug-machine zombies with new-and-improved Jupiter Effect-zombies: we thank you . . . well, just a little. . . .

As with Will MacMillan’s vanity SOV’er Cards of Death (which I friggin’ love to death), after a quick-and-gone local release, The Spirits of Jupiter, never seen a full-scale U.S. release and never made it out on video. While MacMillan’s vanity affair made it back to U.S. shores as a grey-market VHS out of Japan, Rex Cutter’s vanity effort crossed the ocean from the ports of the Netherlands and Poland as a U.S. grey marketer. The later, Euro-titled greys as Planet Gone Mad ain’t helping, either, as it leads you believe you’ve been duped with a repack of another apoc-sloppy non-starter, World Gone Wild (1987). And you wish you were duped with that Adam Ant-starring mess. And we thought Steve Barkett’s vanity apoc’er The Aftermath (1982) was a mind-trying watch. Well, Russell Kern topped it, or bottomed out, depending one’s celluloid masochistic perspective.

In the end, that’s what is all about at B&S About Movies: we may rip these old, ’80s VHS’ers now and again, but man: we love these films from the VHS shelves of grey-market yore. In fact, some commenters on the IMDb, Letterbox, and various VHS message boards have mentioned that they got their copies of The Spirits of Jupiter from VSOM, Video Search of Miami’s catalog (this Tap Talk thread will get you get you up to speed on that beloved, catalog-order shingle). That’s how dedicated we ’80s video junkies are to analog trench-warriors like Russell Kern. It’s guys like Kern that made comic book video store renting all-the-sweeter.

So, should you skip The Spirits of Jupiter . . . and stick with the small-town-gone-wild shenanigans of Bud Cardos with Mutant (1984) and Nico Mastorakis’s Nightmare at Noon (1988) for your eh-it’s-not-a-Romero-chemical-spill-joint-but-why-not-I’m-desperate-for-entertainment apoc fix? Opinions vary.

You can watch The Spirits of Jupiter on You Tube . . . then again, this 11 minute highlight reel should be enough to wet your whistle, padre. Eh, that may be too much too belly up to the bar for, Big Hoss. So toss back this two-minute reel of the “madness” scenes to diminish your own snow-drifting, analog madness.

Insights from Director Russell Kern in July 2022

“Well, I did enjoy your review, and little did you know: you reviewed the bootlegged, early version of Spirits of Jupiter. By the way: the equally-stolen Planet Gone Mad (the 2nd DVD cover in your nicely written piece) is a horrid, bootleg dub off the preview VHS [that was] further dubbed down to remove all our hard fought-for action. For instance: the deputies and sheriff blast the miner from the rooftop (our stuntman, Dave Ross, killed so many times in the movie because our 2nd stuntman, John was injured early on in a motorcycle stunt that was unusable in any version of the film). Though many have cited various influences on the story, I had this script [completed] from the late 1970s and never saw [George Romero’s] The Crazies. It was sold as, originally Zombie Hunters, as just a legalized, zombie extermination-extension from Romero’s idea. But we got a producer on board whose family had recently suffered a terrible tragedy; he was insistent we cut back the really good stuff, that is: the little girl seen earlier in the cemetery was to be drinking the shot fellow’s blood, as it dripped from the roof edge.

“I would argue that early on, in our final 75-minute version [again, we’ve reviewed the 110-minute bootlegged version], you get the ‘Prophesy’ special effects sequence, a headless restaurant customer, the murder of Happy the Miner (shot at least 20 times with dozens of effects squibs); the death by pistol and shotgun (more effects squibs) and subsequent fall of Dave Ross; Chief Switcher shooting off his toe, the airplane duel when the Chief tries to stop him on the runway, and the flight to the mine all in the first reel, roughly 12 to 15 minutes. In the next ten minutes: the miners attack and chop up the wonderful [actor] Walt Jaschek; one gets impaled on a forklift, another by pitchfork, and some good action as Drill gets to the plane of which propeller chops off the head of yet another miner during the escape, then Jaschek gets chopped up by shovels, then Drill kills two more from the air (an excellent shot). By the way, these were some good effects done by Sam Peckinpah’s SFX-guy who kindly came out for the fun of burning down a city on camera, Peter Chesney. Body Count Score: 15 minutes: 8 or 10, dead.

“And then it gets weird. . . .

“Steve Flanigan, my producing partner [who relays the same production issues in a 2013-review and interview of the film at Video Junkie.org], when we ran Producers Group Studios, did a fantastic job shooting Spirits of Jupiter worth mentioning in any review. [He completed] beautiful, wide screen camerawork from one of the two helicopters we [acquired] for the movie, as well as the Piper Cub-hero airplane. I think it wasn’t that the acting that was so bad . . . as the lack of judicious editing, hastily assembled into the version [you’ve reviewed] as we solicited a distributor. I take credit there, I’m afraid.

“Rex told us not to send out anything until it’s ready, but at the same time: he suffered from an urgent need for income, and the early rough cut, which was intended for us to trim down, is what most folks have seen [and you reviewed]. Tragically, the Los Angeles attorney handling the distribution, passed away, and his entire estate went into [legal] limbo. Pieces leaked out years later . . . and have now become the two examples you happen to have seen. That’s the bad part.

“The good part: we worked hard on that movie, put far more into it than we were paid, and shot it in two weeks in some of the most beautiful, as well as a few eerie locations, we have here in Colorado. We continue to enjoy working in Colorado. Thanks so much for looking at Spirits of Jupiter.”


Thanks much to Russell for being a good sport regarding our review and reaching out, contributing to the review. It is much appreciated. One day, hopefully, an official DVD or Blu-ray would be possible of the intended, 75-minute version. To that end, Russ: I’ve been planting seeds at a couple reissue shingles. Fingers crossed! Hey, if Delirium, UFO: Target Earth and Calamity of Snakes can be reissued, why not your movie?

* Other Denver-shot films we’ve reviewed include Curse of the Blue Lights, The Jar, and Manchurian Avenger. Other other, obscure Mile Highers indies we’d like to review, but there’s no copies to be had, are Savage Water (1979), Lansky’s Road (1985), and Back Street Jane (1989). And you thought the Pittsburghese the B&S staff spews is weird: turns out Coloradoans have their own regional colloquialisms. Bone-up before you hit the “303” and fit in. Don’t yinz embarrass us.

You can learn more about the major studio films shot in Colorado at Uncover Denver, 303 Magazine, and Colorado.com. Googling “films made in Colorado” will uncover more articles.

** Sunshine Parker’s career dates to Gunsmoke in the ’60s, with his best-known, recurring TV role in the ’70s on Little House on the Prairie. On the big screen, you know Parker best as Emmet: Dalton’s farm-loft landlord in Road House.

*˟Remade — or was it ripped, or sequeled — by Jean Rollin himself, as Revenge of the Living Dead Girls?

Check out our two-part Apoc flick series of reviews for more “End of the World” fun.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Exploring: SOV Filmmaker Jon McBride

At the time I didn’t think anyone but the people involved were going to see [Cannibal Campout] and when it was actually picked up for distribution I was shocked. The fact that it’s achieved any kind of cult status is totally amazing to me. Even after Cannibal [Campout] was distributed I thought only a handful of people had seen it and it would disappear into video heaven. It wasn’t until the Internet craze took off that I started to hear from tons of people who had seen the movie and even own it! I was incredulous. I still am. It’s all a bit overwhelming.”
— Actor, producer, writer and director, Jon McBride with Mike Haberfeiner of Search My Trash

Banner by RDF/screencap from Woodchipper Massacre by Camera Viscera.

Hey, after paying tribute to Brett Piper with a “Drive-In Friday” featurette and reviewing a half dozen Mark and John Polonia flicks*, it was time to show micro-budgeted SOV auteur Jon McBride the love. Look, the dude has that Dennis Devine jam that we love (and gave a “Drive-In Friday” tribute). Did you know that, in addition to his SOV exploits, Jon’s appeared in national commercials for AT&T, Fanta Soda, and Mars Candy? That he acted in roles on the U.S. daytime dramas Days of Our Lives and Young and the Restless? That his absence from the SOV-doms from 1988 to 1996 was result of his producing music videos for MCA Records? True stories, all.

Let’s go exploring across Jon McBride’s twelve directing efforts.


Cannibal Campout (1988)

It was Rudyard Kipling who said, “The twain shall never meet, but Top Gun and Nail Gun Massacre, so shall.” So, after one too many showing of Top Gun (1986) and the motorcycle-helmeted slashing featured in Nail Gun Massacre (1985) — .”

“R.D.?”

“Yeah, Sam?”

“The motorcycle-helmeted killer concept dates to the Italian giallos What Have They Done to Your Daughters (1974) and Strip Nude for Your Killer (1975), as well as the American slasher knockoffs Night School (1981) and Nightmare Beach (1988). So one of those might have influenced Jon. Just sayin’.”

Indeed.

In this Jon McBride guilty pleasure debut, four teenagers on a wooded outing are menaced — with cheap, but excessive over-the-top gore — by three mutant cannibals of the Mother’s Day (1980) variety: Joe, of which, likes his flight helmet.

There’s a copy on Daily Motion.

Woodchipper Massacre (1988)

In 1986 Newtown, Connecticut, Richard Crafts dispatched of his wife, Helle Crafts, by the gardening implement of the title. However, before the Coen Brothers pinched the idea, some kid in Connecticut pulled together 400 bucks and weaved an SOV-slasher about three dysfunctional siblings on a murder spree with a woodchipper. Yeah, mom should have let junior have the “Rambo” knife of his dreams . . . and dad shouldn’t have left them latchkeyed over the weekend with a crabby, bible-bangin’ aunt.

Sure, it’s cheap and awful . . . to most eyes, but not ours. This is — as with Nigel the Psychopath — widely entertaining, which is the whole SOV-point-of-it all. And this “murder-method” has been tried more than one: check out the You Tube documentary-short “Three Horrifying Woodchipper Murders” and “Three Terrifying Teams of Killer Kids.”

The Amazon Prime stream comes and goes: and is gone, again; however, there’s a You Tube upload or the Internet Archive.

Feeders (1996)

After an almost ten-decade break — again, McBride was working for MCA Records — he’s back with his third SOV’er. And it quickly became Blockbuster Video’s #1 independent rental of the year.

After an acting stint in Blades (1989) by New Jersey SOV’er John P. Finnegan of Girl School Screamers fame, Jon McBride makes his first collaboration with the Polonia Brothers — as a co-director and lead actor. This time: the budget ante ups a hundred bucks to $500.

If the video sleeve and title doesn’t give it away: Two photographers on assignment in Pennsylvania pick up two female hitchhikers — then stumble into some very hungry and vampiric, little grey aliens. The extra hundred must have been for the Macintosh’ed UFO effects . . . and the aliens cloning humans.

Believe it not: All of those camcorder shakes and childish special effects were successful enough as a Blockbuster Video Rental Exclusive that it spawned a sequel: Feeders 2: Slay Bells. And yes: Santa and his elves battle the aliens in the winter’s wood. Yes. Feeders 3: The Final Meal is coming in 2021 though Wild Eye Releasing via Team Polonia.

Courtesy of the Blockbuster connection, both have ended up as free-with-ads steam on Tubi. Now, how can you say “No” to streaming it? It’s friggin’ free, you cheap bastard.

Watch Feeders and Feeders 2 on Tubi.

Update: April 2022: The fine folks at Grindhouse Releasing have officially released the long-gestating sequel, Feeders 3. Thanks to frequent Mark Polonia actor Jeff Kirkendall for the heads up. You can follow the latest with Jeff’s films on his Facebook fan page.

Terror House (1998)

This VHS-shot delight — that also made the distribution rounds as The House That Screamed — was done in one, continuous 16-hour shoot as it plays as an early take on Saw (2004).

Three college students, one who is blind, take up the offer to stay in a house haunted-by-murder for a $25,000 reward. Once there, they’re drugged. When they awake: they discover they’re bricked-up in the house . . . and they’re stalked by a mask-adorned, deformed freak of the Michael Myers variety.

No Amazon streams, but they have the DVDs.


Blood Red Planet (2000)

My favorite theatrical one-sheet trope of disembodied floating heads — and they’re both human and alien! — above a moon base model that gives Gerry Anderson pause. Dude, I’m all in.

A rogue planetoid in orbit around Mars causes global storms, so the Omega 1 is sent to investigate. When they fail to return, the crew of the Omega 2 discovers an alien force has not only killed the crew of Omega 1, but everyone on the neighboring lunar base.

I really liked this one — in all of its COVID-style masks and tool shed safety goggles glory. Paired with a ’50s-styled Roger Corman monster, it takes me back to Brett Piper’s early ’80s Star Wars-wannbes Mysterious Planet, Galaxy Destroyer, and Mutant War. And that’s not a bad thing: evoking a little bit o’ Piper.

There is an age-restricted sign-in uploaded on You Tube.

Dweller (2001)

While it’s not a sequel, we are back in those same woods as Feeders. Three bank robbers — portrayed by Jon and the Polonia Brothers — hide out in the woods: the same woods where a hungry alien has landed.

This Predator rip has it all: cut-and-paste outer space battles, dopey astronomers, and inept bank robbers who took a wrong turn at the border and bypassed Tarantino’s vamp-strewn The Twitty Twister.

Look, it’s an SOV shot in one long weekend for a cost a total of $50 — and it’s made its budget back many, many, many-fold. So let’s keep the naysaying to a minimum, shall we?

There’s an upload on You Tube.

Hellgate: The House That Screamed 2 (2001)

Poltergeist is the model as a team of parapsychologists investigate the six-months passed disappearance of Marty Beck at the mysterious Wingate Road house, in this sequel to the Polonia Brothers-released (without McBride) The House That Screamed (2000).

Is Jon McBride’s Terror House (1998), which was also known as The House That Screamed, a prequel or a repacked/recycled tweak of the 2000 version? Don’t known: I haven’t seen any of them to sort it all out. Apparently, there is a Phantasm “Lady in Lavender” twist with a beautiful woman bringing on the evil manifestations.

Sorry, no streams freebie or with-ads, but Amazon has the DVDs.

Gorilla Warfare: Battle of the Apes (2002)

Apes now rule the galaxy as two warring Simian factions battle for the spoils of the others human cargo. When one of the ships is thrown off course by an errant wormhole (I hate when that happens), two males and one female human escape when their slaveship crash lands. Yes. It’s the Planet of the Apes meets The Most Dangerous Game. Yes. I want to see this, but can’t?

There’s no DVDs or streams as it’s not yet been released. So, we’re hedging our bets anything shot for this ape epic was recycled as the Polonia;s Empire of the Apes (2013), and it’s sequel, Revolt of the Planet of the Apes (2017). Ah, but the actual story, according to Jon McBride with Search My Trash: Gorilla Warfare was shot specifically for the 3D market. Sadly, distribution issues have led to a company owning the masters and they’ve yet to release the film.

Night Thrist (2002)

The sole reason this Jon McBride tribute came into being was result of the Ukrainian model on the cover of this film’s Euro-DVD sleeve: Maria Konstantynova. Who? Go to the Night Thrist review to learn more about ALL of the films her image, adorns.

As for Jon McBride: he ups the budget once more, but not by much, to take on ’70s Hammer and Amicus anthology flicks. He plays a tow truck driver stranded in the remote countryside. Finding refuge in a home, its occupant weaves four scary tales.

Night Thrist (actually, it is officially stylized as NightThrist and NighThrist) is one of the many French and German-issued DVDs that used the oft Euro-repeated image of Shutterstock modeling-star Maria Konstantynova. Yes, having her on the cover is the film’s highlight. And do click through to read reviews on ALL of the films featuring Maria on the cover. It’s a hootenanny-and-a-half!

Among Us (2004)

Just the cover alone is giving me a warm n’ fuzzy Don Dohler vibe of the Alien Factor (1978) and Nightbeast (1982) variety.

I ain’t hatin’ this $20,000-shot story about washed-up B-movie director Billy D’Amato who, after making Bigfoot and killer alien movies, and, well, the same type of movies Dohler, the Polonia brothers, and Jon McBride have made over the years: Billy D. comes face-to-face with a real Sasquatch while location scouting his latest feature. Inspired, he decides to head back into the deep woods to make retro-’70s-styled documentary about his encounter — and instead ends up with a modern-day The Blair Bigfoot Project.

No streams to share. Oh, and this is the writing debut of another modern-day streamer burning the SOV ’80s flame, John Oak Dalton, who is still at it with the bonkers-we-love-it Noah’s Shark (2021).

Holla If I Kill You (2004)

When Blockbuster Video needs an urban-based horror comedy, team Polonia calls up Def Jam and Comedy Central stars “Brooklyn” Mike Yard, Will Sylvince, Arnold Acevedo, Brad Lowery and Jay Philips. (I’ve heard of Brooklyn Mike; sorry to the rest of you. No offense.)

Once the hottest African-American comic in America, Hollaback, is now a has-been. No one will book him and when he does get a booking, he’s booed off stage. That is until a mysterious figure appears — and begins killing those whose dis ol’ Holla.

Scoff if you will, but the McBride and the Polonia brothers work those contacts and put product on the shelves. In fact, I’ve seen this on the shelves at Walmart. So, there you go.

No streams to share. but the DVDs are on Amazon.

Black Mass (2005)

Micheal Mann’s The Keep is the model as four American GIs, caught behind enemy lines, seek refuge in an old church, deep in the secluded woods. The parish’s old priest tells of the supernatural occurrences in within its walls . . . and that the Nazi have been using such against the Americans. Now, our GIs must defeat the evil to save the Allied Forces.

After looking over the stills from the film featuring the impressive era-correct costuming, as well as an effectively-dressed church set and graveyard, you can see Jon McBride went all-in with money. Shot in Wellsboro, Pennsylvania, it was penned by the prolific John Oak Dalton, who has penned most of the Polonia Brothers’ output — and, if you did more than just skim my hard work, you know that John also wrote Among Us, reviewed above. Later known as the cash-in Da Vinci’s Curse in some quarters (know your Tom Hanks Oscar bait) and Dead Night in others, this ended up as Army of Wolves in Japan — each butchered with scenes taken out and stuff added in from other films, so be sure you get the Black Mass original for your maximum McBride pleasures of the 3/4″ flesh.

Nope. No streams to share. Yeah, I need to see this. And John Oak Dalton, who wrote this, tells me he doesn’t have a copy, either. So, there you have it.

I think people are going to be surprised how good it is when they see it. We hit a plateau with that movie on so many levels that I almost wonder if we can top it. I’m so anxious for people to see it. It’s definitely our stand out film.”
— Jon McBride, in 2008 with Search My Trash

Multi-pack DVDs featuring Jon McBride’s films:

You can get copies of Dweller and Night Thirst as part of the Sleazy Slasher 4-pack on Amazon.
You can get a copy of Blood Red Planet as part of the Galaxy of Terror 4-pack on Amazon.

Jon McBride showed a lot promise with Black Mass, but it became his last directing effort, to date. He’s since settled into composing soundtracks for the Polonia Brothers’ Razor Teeth (2005), Spatter Beach (2007), Wildcat (2007), and Halloween Night (2009). Considering Jon left film for a decade after his late ’80s, two-fer output of Woodchipper Massacre and Cannibal Campout to pursue interests in music videos, rest assure: he’s still out there, creating.

I want to say I’d like to see him return for one more, but there’s scant information online as to his whereabouts. Someone updated his Wikipedia page in January 2020 — with no indication to believe the now 60-something Jon McBride is no longer with us. The only — and last — interview he’s done was in October 2008 with Search My Trash. But in talking with John Oak Dalton, Jon still walks among us and is doing fine.

I’m just really thankful that people have enjoyed some of my stuff. To be honest I’m still amazed at the number of people who have seen some of my movies and it’s a little overwhelming at times. I never thought that some of them would get the attention they did and I’m grateful for that. Even if I never get to make another movie I’m happy that I was able to make a minuscule offering to the genre [horror and SOV] I’ve loved for so long.”
— Jon McBride with Search My Trash

There’s more insights to be had with all of these films by way of the two-part documentary short Mark Polonia: A Life of Monsters, Mayhem, and Movies. You can also remember the late John Polonia (1968 — 2008) with this tribute video. You can also pick up a copy of the recently published biography, Monstervision: The Films of John and Mark Polonia, from Amazon.

* We’ve reviewed the Polonia Brothers Entertainment’s Empire of the Apes (2013), Amityville Death House (2015), Amityville Exorcism (2017), Revolt of the Empire of the Apes (2017), Amityville Island (2020), Camp Blood 8 (2020), Return to Splatter Farm (2020), Shark Encounters of the Third Kind (2020), and Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse (2021).

Another SOV’er we love ‘around ‘here: Dennis Devine.
Don’t forget about Brett!

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

SLASHER MONTH: Hellroller (1992)

I’d like to know how Gary J. Levinson was able to get Michelle Bauer, Hyapatia Lee, Elizabeth Kaitan and Mary Woronov* to appear in his movie about a wheelchair bound slasher.

Our wheelchair slasher Eugene was made a paraplegic when his mother dropped him while she was being assaulted and murdered by a set of conjoined twins, then he was raised on the streets by his drunk aunt who also gets raped and killed, so that finally sets him on the path of revenge against anyone who can walk.

This movie, while horrifically bad, was stolen by another label and the case went the whole way to court. The People’s Court. You can’t invent things like that.

Only watch this if you hate yourself, if you want to write as many slasher articles as possible or both of these facts.

*She’s in the IMDB credits but I don’t see her anywhere in here.

SLASHER MONTH: Lunchmeat (1987)

Lunchmeat is not pretty — although it does have Kim McKamy, the actress who would one day become Ashlyn Gere, in the cast — and it looks like it was filmed by the same gigantic home camcorder that your dad once used to tape your prom.

Directed, written and produced by one and done auteur Kirk Alex, who drove cabs for years to raise money for this movie, which tells the story of Paw and his three kids: Elwood, Harley and Benny, the gigantic man on the cover of the VHS release.

The kids that are fated to die first have to eat human meat within the burgers of Wilbur’s Bar and Grill and then they’re off to be part of a USDA Grade — trust me, that’s the lowest grade that can be legally sold to humans — remix of Texas Chainsaw Massacre that isn’t as good as even Blood Salvage. If you’re gong to remake something already made, make it weirder. Make it different. Do something.

For everyone proclaiming this murderdrone, all the killing happens off screen and at no point did I use this movie to find a higher plateau of reasoning. I sure tried, however! Maybe I have such a disdain for movies that instill a distrust of the Southern accent, particularly when this movie takes place in California.

SLASHER MONTH: Sledgehammer (1983)

You know, David A. Prior has beaten me so many times, I wonder why I even come back. I just know I’m going to get hurt again and just look at the art for this movie, the worst video box I’ve ever seen, a cover so poor that it’s stopped me from watching this numerous times.

Yet here I am.

So ten years or so ago, this little kid got locked in the closet while his mom and her lover planned to run away but then someone came in and sledgehammered them both, which seems to be a very crossfit way to kill someone.

So yeah, a seance by a bunch of horny kids brings the little boy back in the form of an enormous man with a clear mask that can somehow only be defeated by its own sledgehammer, which feels incredibly stupid.

But you know, at some point, all the bad acting and thirtysomething teenagers and food fights give way to mind-numbing murders and that’s what I’m here for, the catharsis that for some reason comes from movies shot in the woods outside a suburban development or, in this movie’s example, the director’s apartment. Everybody came to have fun and make something bloody and they ended up getting this onto the shelves of video stores across the country and that makes me happier than I can explain to you.

Man, if you love slow motion, let me tell you, they made this movie for you.

Wicked World (1991)

I had the revelation that Things was only the torture test for this film, the gateway drug, the get past this excess to enter the doors of perception because Wicked World takes all the bonkers intensity of that film and somehow compounds it.

Grant Ekland (director Barry J. Gillis) is a cop who is haunted by the death of his girlfriend at the hands of a psychotic slasher named Harold (Eddie Platt). But now the system is letting Harold free — as he obsesses about how he hates his nurse, sliding boards, helicopters and life — and Ekland has the chance to end his life.

This is all cut around moments where Harold kills people and asks them if they want to live, including one girl who deadpans, “I’d like to become a famous actress! You can’t kill me! I’m too young to die! A model! An actress!”

Also: Gillis loves the female behind, I can tell you that much.

This is the kind of movie that’s inspired by a Black Sabbath song, that has a message at the beginning about boxer Arturo “Thunder” Gatti being drugged and murdered in Brazil. I have no idea what that has to do with anything that we see next, but when it comes to Gillis, I have learned to not ask.

Honestly, I’ve stared down some of the most aberrant movies the world has to offer and this one gave me reason to doubt my sanity. It’s the kind of thing I hunt for, a movie that ends with a long rant about how we need microchips to control our impulses if we want to survive, as well as a great soundtrack by Marshall Law and some of the most jarring editing I’ve ever seen.

Toronto used to seem so polite. I didn’t realize it had this movie in its orbit.

SLASHER MONTH: Death Nurse 2 (1988)

Will Death Nurse reuse most of the first film and push me into a Shot on Video K hole in which I shake and shiver and scream for release? Yes, of course. It has to be this way.

You know when they used to set up movies serials and then bait and switch the ending so that all the ways you spent the last week debating how the hero would survive — yes, I know none of you were around in the 30s and 40s for this — and then they’d just screw around and do whatever?

This movie does that because all the tension of the detective at the door is defused when Nurse Edith Mortley just stabs him, feeds him to the rats and feeds the rats — endless repetition — to the patients.

“In the circle of life
It’s the wheel of fortune
It’s the leap of faith
It’s the band of hope
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding”

At least in this film we learn that Gordon is only a veterinarian — which explains the dog heart to human transplant in the original movie — and Edith never finished nursing school.

Edith kills everyone in this, getting away with everything, until the bodies start to stink, so she covers them with lime and the rats run into the streets and the movie ends the same way the last one did, with her slumped on the couch, waiting for the cops.

This movie takes footage from the last film, Criminally Insane and Satan’s Black Wedding to extend its nearly sixty minutes of screen time and still feels too long by five hours.

SLASHER MONTH: Death Nurse (1987)

The health care crisis and the rising silver wave of seniors in the need of extended ambulatory care are major worries that our society will be dealing with for decades. What does not worry or deal in this would be Nick Millard’s 1987 Shot On Video scummiest Death Nurse, which gives us the Shady Palms Clinic, which is run by the brother and sister team of Doctor Gordon Mortley and Nurse Edith.

Their John Waters-style plan is to take in physically and mentally ill patients that no one wants, do surgical experiments and then keep billing for their care. The only patient that has survived their madness is Louise Kagel, who is always drunk and regularly services the ungood doctor sexually.

There are so many problems in the way they do business. Why would they believe that a dog’s heart would work inside a man’s? Why would they have a cat running around that would steal that heart? And then, they throw the body to the rats, which means more and more rats arrive, as if this is one of those we replaced this predator with this predator and now we need a new predator situations and when the law sends an EPA man down to check, they stab him because no one keeps track of government agents, right?

Everyone has to pay, whether they eat rats, get injected with poison or just get stabbed. The bodies pile up, the cops find the bodies and we end with Edith just sitting on the couch, knowing the end is coming soon.

I kind of love that this movie has 35 minutes from Criminally Insane in it, so that when I watch Death Nurse 2, I know that I will think I’m, well, insane and that I’m rewatching the same movie. Because I will be, if you think about it.

This is a movie made for…someone. I don’t know who. But I’m very afraid of them.

Slasher Month: 7 Sins of the Vampire (2013)

(I know: This is technically a “vampire” flick, but this chick removes hearts and penises after sucking ’em dry. That’s “slashy” enough for me!)

Here’s the rub with 7 Sins of the Vampire: You’re watching and wondering why it looks the way that it does: like an ’80-era VHS SOV release — considering this came out in 2013, the era of digital cameras and software editing suites. Well, that’s because 7 Sins of the Vampire — shot and private-press released as Blood Seduction (year unknown) — was completed in 2002; its production began in the late-90s, not long after the completion and release of Snuff Kill in 1997. Personally, when considering how much Doug Ulrich and Al Darago improved as filmmakers across their three films, and the positive reception given to their best-known and distributed film, Snuff Kill, I’m shocked that it took a decade for the film — shot in Dundalk, Maryland — to make its first baby steps into national distribution platforms.

Another alternate title for the film — which sometimes appears as a tagline on alternate DVD pressings — is Invasion of the Vampire Hookers. Now, is team Ulrich-Darago going for an Al Adamson-patch job-starring-John Carradine vibe — without (thankfully) any John Carradine footage dropped in from another film? Probably, because these guys are one of us and have probably VHS O.D’d on way too many Al Adamson flicks with superfluous, edited-in-from-another-picture John Carradine (in lieu of superfluous John Rhys-Davies and Eric Roberts). Ugh. You’re making me remember Cirio H. Santiago’s inept Vampire Hookers and Nai Bonet’s inert vanity-fanger Nocturna: Granddaughter of Dracula — both with John Carradine. Oy. I don’t know if that’s a good thing . . . or a bad thing.

Watch the trailer.

I hope you’ve read my reviews for Doug and Al’s previous three films (Scary Tales, Darkest Soul, and Snuff Kill) and previous SOV film reviews and analysis of the genre (click the SOV tag at the end of this review to populate the site’s SOV reviews). You know how I feel about SOV films — and the respect I have for Doug Ulrich and Al Darago, who grew up as longtime, Patterson High School friends. Sure, 7 Sins of the Vampire is technically rough — and what SOV, whomever makes it, isn’t — and there’s artistic-disciplinary miscues, especially in the acting department. But team Ulrich-Darago’s storytelling matured in this ’70s drive-in styled, supernatural detective tale — that reminds of the law enforcement horrors of Christopher Lewis’s Blood Cult (1985) — concerned with two detectives who come to discover the recent rash of murders plaguing their city are being committed by a vampire pimp and his bevy of vampire hookers. And our vamp-pimp is a chauvinist and there can only be one: he can bite and turn any woman he wants, but the girls, after feeding, need to de-heart the Johns so they don’t turn. Oh, and remove their penis.

Groper and Butkus (our filmmakers Al Darago and Doug Ulrich) are rival cops, one always trying to outdo the other, always butting heads on cases. So, when they both end up at a crime scene with a man hanging by his neck and his guts slit open, Grouper calls it a murder: Butkus, a suicide. But that’s their relationship: opposites attract. Meanwhile, Groper’s grizzled “Dirty Harry” gets assigned a Slimski: a baby-faced rookie for a partner — whose teenage sister is the latest vampimp (a new word!) victim. It all comes to a head — pardon the pun — at the pimp and hooker’s abandon warehouse lair. It’s all very Carl Kolchak: The Night Stalker on a shoestring and couch change — and I like it. And it’s all wrapped up in just over an hour, making it the shortest film of Al and Doug’s quartet of films (Snuff Kill was the longest, at 80 minutes).

Is this gory? Of course. How gory? Well, when a John picks up one of our fair-fanged hookers, she doesn’t just fang ’em: she rips out his throat. And don’t forget the heart removals. Oh, and the penis-ripping. Oh, and this SOV ups its game with the casting of professional Baltimore-based actors — a first in the Ulrich-Darago’s canons — George Stover (100-plus credits; including John Waters films and Don Dohler’s The Alien Factor and The Galaxy Invader) and Vincent DePaul (140-plus TV and film credits).

So, yeah. Heart and penis removals . . . with subsequent licking, sucking, and munching. Lovely.

The DVD, a well-pressed and easy-to-purchase release via Amazon Prime and other online retailers, features a “Making Of” featurette, along with actor screen tests and make-up effects tests. Also featured is the 15-minute, black-and-white thriller-short The Devilish Desire of Dario Dragani (2012; thus why the DVD was issued in 2013). Shot by Mark Mackner in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, for $100, it’s a modernized re-telling of the silent German short, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920). (But I’d have to film-drop the really cool Michael Caine black comedy, A Shock to the System (1990), with his put-upon executive resorting to murder to move up the corporate ladder.)

Here, Dario Dragani’s desires take a supernatural turn: he uses an office underling, Cecil, as a somnambulist to murder those who stand in his way to promotions — and winning the heart of Jane, the office heartbreaker. It’s very retro-homagey and very nicely done. You can watch a rip on Vimeo. Mackner — who has made four features films since 2008 — is completing his forth feature: Daisy Derkins and the Dinosaur Apocalypse. Now how can you pass up a film with a title like that?

The embedded clip below (ugh, another You Tube black box of death) — courtesy of DarkFallFx — features the trailer and a couple post-production clips and camera test vignettes. When you go to that You Tube portal, you can also watch the short film The Prophet of Oz (2013), Doug Ulrich’s Christian-based inversion of The Wizard of Oz.

I’ve had a lot of fun revisiting and reviewing the Doug Ulrich and Al Darago canons this fine, and viewing-appropriate, October. I dig these dudes and so will you. Stream ’em.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

SLASHER MONTH: Hollow Gate (1988)

At a Halloween party ten years ago, a young boy named Mark Walters was almost killed by his drunken, alcoholic father who tried to drown him in the apple bobbing water. Now, the boy has grown up and is ready to begin a murder spree.

Mark is off his pills, he’s killed the grandmother who raised him and he’s having a party at Hollow Gate that will draw in plenty of victims. He’s not to be screwed with or made to watch you screw. A young couple that makes fun of him by making out in a car while he watches are surprised when he sets a fuse and blows them up real good. And if you turn him down to go see the movies, he’s going to strangle you.

Maybe don’t even go around Mark.

He also takes a page out of Terror Train and Bloody Mania by switching costumes with every kill. Mark takes that even further by having whole characters — an English foxhunter, a soldier, a doctor and a rancher — that he plays while he puts teenagers in the ground.

There are also two golden retriever that know how to kill and are just so happy about it.

Hollow Gate isn’t great, but the more bad slashers come out this century, the better it gets.