Amityville Exorcism (2017)

“The Church won’t allow you to exorcise that house.”

“God will!”

Oh no. Mark Polonia is back in Amityville and this time, the culprit is cursed wood from the 112 Ocean Avenue house being used to make another domicile. That’s right. The lumber itself is evil.

Look — it’s 7:30 AM on a Saturday and life seems bleak and meaningless, so I’m going to metaphorically kick myself in the soul and force watch this.

Polonia has added a new directing tick in this one: random bursts of footage that have nothing to do with the scene he’s filming, as well as screaming and quick Fulci zooms.

This one has it all, if by all you mean drunk dads, a demon who bought his The Masque of the Red Death outfit at the Spirit Store on November 1 so that he got the 50% discount, night for day, day for night, Jeff Kirkendall as a priest, a demon stalking a girl who just wants to go swimming in the middle of the day, said demon attack in the pool intercut with drunk dad weenie roasting, shots that go on way too long, shots that don’t stay on the screen long enough to inform us what is going on within them, conversations that never happen with both actors on screen at the same time and lighting that’s as consistent as the work history of my ex-girlfriends.

You can watch this on Tubi. Please don’t.

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