Bedroom Eyes (1984)

If you enjoy Canadian horror, then you know who William Fruet is, the maker of Death Weekend (released here as The House By the Lake), Cries In the Night (better known as Funeral Home), redneck rampage film Trapped (AKA Baker County U.S.A.), Spasms and the kinda-sorta Alien by way of animal experimentation oddity Blue Monkey.

This time, he’s taking on the genre of adult thriller, which by 1984 is kind of what giallo was leaning toward and then would completely become in the wake of Fatal Attraction and Basic Instinct. The ideas are the same — identity, secrets, sex, shame, violence — but it’s missing the great music and the fashion for the most part.

If you’re nostalgic for a film that aired on USA Up All Night, this movie is for you. This is the type of universe where a peeping tom is the hero, where a psychologist can see past his perversion — or encourage it — to see the man he is inside and where every other woman is evil.

This was, of course, followed by Bedroom Eyes II, which is way better because it has Wings Hauser, Veronica Hart and Linda Blair in the cast, as well as Chuck Vincent directing, and that movie also has no compunctions about feeling sweaty and filthy while this one seems clean and wrapped up, like some of the 80s felt.

This one does get points for having its female antagonist repeatedly beat the protagonist up, including a slapstick bonk at the end as the police take her away.

The Panther Squad (1984)

Yes, I realize that this is not a Full Moon film, but they carry it in their online store and on their streaming platform and I’m quite frankly exhausted by all the puppets and bongs and miniature killers and DeCoteau movies and when I saw Sybil Danning on the poster, teenage me said, “We need to stay up until.4 AM on a work night and watch this.”

The New Order of Nations is ready to escape Earth and start exploring space, but there are these terrorists called Clean Space who realize that humans are just going to litter other planets, so they decide to kill every astronaut so the nations of the planet decide to hire Sybil Danning, who wears lots of leather and honestly, that’s more than enough plot and makes me like this movie even if they never go to space.

There are so many guitar riffs and people running around in ill-advised outfits and I watched this in French because why not?

Force Five Podcast put up the best action from this movie — honestly there barely is any — and I can admit that I’m only posting it here because Sybil Danning is lounging poolside dressed like someone ready to fight a Terminator and sometimes when I get sad, this is the kind of thing that gets me through the day.

Facts you should know:

The theme song is called “She’s Tough and Tender (Theme from Panther Squad).”

Sybil Danning kept her outfit after filming was done.

Somehow, Jack Taylor made bad movies all over the world and I love him every single time he’s on my screen. I feel the same way about Donald O’Brien and I would like to think they had several meals and drinks together where they argued over who had the craziest films in their respective histories. I’d love to debate this with someone.

Karin Schubert, Hanna D.‘s mother from that Bruno Mattei blast of ripoff insanity, is in this.

If you want to see this movie done right, I can recommend every single Andy Sidaris movie to you.


Trancers (1984)

Look, there are bad Full Moon movies — there are more than a few — and there is also Trancers, a movie that has people in the future doing drugs to go back in time and the cop who polices the time stream, who is called Jack Deth, is played by Tim Thomerson and for some reason is a hardboiled film noir character in the midst of what is kind of a science fiction zombie movie that eventually also becomes a medieval parallel world story as the sequels keep on coming.

It was written by Danny Bilson and Paul De Meo, who really had some great ideas, writing — and occasionally directing — everything from Zone Troopers and The Wrong Guys to The Rocketeer and TV series like The FlashViperHuman Target and The Sentinel. Bilson was also the go-between for the Harry Potter games, making sure that EA and creator JK Rowling were on the same page. The team also worked for THQ, where they pushed for the video game company’s own IPs to gain prominence — THQ mostly made licensed games at first — including the great Saints Row series. Bilson also wrote Eliminators and Arena, but sadly died in 2016. The team’s last scriptDa 5 Bloods, became a Spike Lee joint in 2020.

Deth has come to our time from the 23rd century on the hunt for Martin Whistler, a psychic supervillain who can use his mental powers to make people into mindless Trancers, which Jack can detect with his special bracelet. Once they are triggered, these human bombs go from normal people to killers in seconds; as Jack would say, “Only squids get turned into Trancers.”

Our hero is currently in the body of Phil Dethton, a journalist ancestor, and gets an instant girlfriend in the form of Leena, who is played by Helen Hunt. That may surprise you. What is even more astounding is that she showed up for the sequel.

How can you not love a movie that has a member of Tony Orlando and Dawn — Telma Hopkins — as the engineer of a time machine? Trancers is full of ridiculous moments that somehow all work out and a lot of the credit for that goes to Thomerson, who was once in the Army National Guard with Brion James before becoming a stand-up comic.

Look, they’ve made six of these — and a short — and I could watch them all multiple times. I realize my taste is not the best, but I can honestly say that the Trancers films fall on the good side of the Empire and Full Moon release slates.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Tales of the Third Dimension in 3-D (1984)

First off, that title says the same thing twice. But hey, let’s forgive a movie that has a skeletal narrator who is supposed to sound like Rod Serling but has a voice-over actor who didn’t get the memo and decided to sound more like Howard Cosell. This movie has the temerity to use puppets not only in the opening, but for the bats and other creatures throughout, as well as one of the worst cat effects ever. This all makes make love this because it was shot on film and made in 1984. If it was a digital video streaming release from this year, I would have hated it. Such is the wonder of me.

This movie came out of the Earl Owensby Studios, a place where Ginger Alden made Lady Grey opposite David Allen Coe and the thinly-veiled Elvis bio Living Legend: The King of Rock and Ro complete with a soundtrack by Roy Orbison. The secret to Owensby’s success? Never spending more than a million dollars to make a film and never signing a distribution deal that would net them less than eight million. He also knew how to make money, because his purchase of the abandoned Cherokee Nuclear Power Plant ended up providing exactly the set that James Cameron was able to fill with water to make The Abyss.

Igor the skeleton is joined by some ravens — or vultures or crows, they’re puppets that aren’t well made — three of whom sound like the Three Stooges and two that are Laurel and Hardy to cover all the comedy bases as he introduces three tales of terror that all involve Dr. Tongue-level three-dimensional effects.

In Young Blood, a vampiric couple pushes an adoption agency to get a child — any child — and end up with a werewolf. If you’ve seen it all before, you have, as this story is “The Secret” from Haunt of Fear #24. Seriously, it’s the same exact story, but if you’re going to steal for your portmanteau, I guess steal from the best.

The Guardians is the tale of grave robbers who need money so bad that they’ll cut the ring off a dead woman’s finger (and take the finger as well). They get even greedier and descend into the catacombs under the graves where they meet their fate.

The whole reason you should watch this movie is the last segment, Visions of Sugar Plums. Two kids are dropped off at grandmother’s house for the holidays as their parents go away to Hawaii. However, grandma has run out of her medicine and ends up singing Christmas carols about puking all over the place and killing Santa with a brick before she brines the cat like a holiday ham — don’t worry, this effect was literally taking a live cat and putting some pineapples on him — and then grabbing a shotgun to kill the kids who defend themselves with knives as a deranged version of “Jingle Bells” plays. To top this all off, this segment was directed by Todd Durham*, who would create the Hotel Transylvania series of movies. He also made another 3D Owensby Studios film, Hyperspace (AKA Gremloids) which somehow stars Paula Poundstone and Chris Elliot.

Somehow, the titles for this movie show up nearly an hour into the movie. You have to love that kind of who cares filmmaking. I have no doubt that this movie will eventually come out from Vinegar Syndrome and people will lose their minds. Jump in now and drink in that third story.

*The other stories are directed by Worth Keeter, who would go on to make multiple episodes of Power Rangers, and Thom McIntyre, who wrote nearly all of the filmography of Owensby Studios.

You can watch this on YouTube.

ARROW UHD RELEASE: Children of the Corn (1984)

EDITOR’S NOTE: We originally covered this movie all the way back on May 26, 2018. We’ve updated this article with some new material thanks to the inspiration we received from watching Arrow Video’s new UHD release. Want to learn even more? Check out our interview with star Courtney Gains!

Children of the Corn started as a short story first published in Penthouse Magazine that was later collected in the 1978 book Night Shift. It’s a story incredibly similar to Tom Tryon’s novel (and the film) The Dark Secret of Harvest Home. You could also draw parallels to Narciso Ibáñez Serrador’s Who Can Kill a Child? or Village of the Damned.

Did you know that Children of the Corn was filmed once before? A short film called Disciples of the Crow was made in 1983 that’s an abridged version of this story.

This one was produced in 1984, with Gor and Tuff Turf director Fritz Kiersch at the helm. Burt and Vicky (Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton) are on their way to California when they drive through the cornfields of Nebraska and accidentally hit a young boy. However, when Burt exams the kid, it turns out that his throat had already been slit. Uh oh.

As they examine the boy’s suitcase, they discover a crucifix made of twisted corn husks. They head to the next town, Gatlin, to alert the authorities.

They come across a mechanic who refuses them service. The truth is that he is the last adult in Gatlin. He’s agreed to supply the children with services and fuel for his life, but the enforcer of the town, Malachai breaks the pact and murders him, angering their leader Isaac.

When Burt and Vicky get to town, everything is out of date and there’s a bad feeling in the air. Even worse, no one seems to be in town. They find a little girl named Sarah alone in a house, where Vicky stays while Burt explores. Malachai soon appears, capturing Vicky and taking her to be sacrificed in the cornfield.

The only thing in town that’s in shape is the church. Inside, Burt learns the truth of Gatlin — twelve years ago, everyone over nineteen was killed and the children took Biblical names after their murders.

Now, they live under this religious order that demands that everyone over nineteen must be sacrificed. During a blood-drinking ritual, Burt starts to yell at the children. They chase him until another young boy named Job rescues him and they hide in a fallout shelter.

Isaac and Malachai argue, with the older boy taking over and ordering his leader to be sacrificed. Isaac warns that this will anger their covenant with He Who Walks Behind the Rows and the children will be severely punished.

That night, Burt goes to rescue Vicky and a horrible special effect devours Isaac. Seriously, this weird chroma key fuzz looks incredibly dated.  Anyways, Burt fights to save his wife and a possessed Isaac reappears and breaks Malachai’s neck.

A storm appears as Burt, Vicky and the two children decide that they must destroy the cornfield with gasoline and fire. They escape the town, taking the kids with them, their marriage somehow saved and they even discuss adopting the kids (but not before a sneak attack by Ruth is foiled).

This overly happy ending stands in marked contrast to the downbeat tone of the novel, where Vicky is sacrificed and Burt is killed by the creature in the cornfield. The creature punishes the town by lowering the sacrifice age to eighteen, so Malachi and the elders all walk into the cornfield to die as Ruth wishes that she could kill He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

If you’re wondering where Gatlin is in regards to King’s connected universe, the next town over is Hemingford Home, where Mother Abagail gathered her forces in The Stand.

There are six sequels to this film — Children of the Corn II: The Final SacrificeChildren of the Corn III: Urban HarvestChildren of the Corn IV: The GatheringChildren of the Corn V: Fields of TerrorChildren of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return and Children of the Corn: Revelation — as well as a 2009 remake, the Children of the Corn: Genesis reboot, Children of the Corn: Runaway and the 2020 prequel/remake that nobody seems to be talking about.

If you’ve never seen this before, the Arrow Video release is the perfect way to start. The film looks great and it’s a great reminder of just how frightening this movie was when it came out way back in the 80s.

Starting with a brand new 4K restoration from the original camera negative by Arrow Films, Children of the Corn is a great purchase for the UHD lover. It has two commentary tracks, with one by horror journalist Justin Beahm and Children of the Corn historian John Sullivan and another with director Fritz Kiersch, producer Terrence Kirby and actors John Franklin and Courtney Gains, as well as Harvesting Horror: The Making of Children of the Corn; interviews with Linda Hamilton, producer Donald Borchers, production designer Craig Stearns and composer Jonathan Elias; a new visit to the film’s original Iowa shooting locations; the theatrical trailer and an interview with the actor who played “The Blue Man” in a sequence that was cut from the film. You can get this from Arrow Video.

Philippine War Week: Tuareg: The Desert Warrior (1984)

Editor’s Note: We unpacked this war flick as part of Mill Creek’s Excellent Eighties 50-Film box set back in February 2021. We’re bringing it back as part of our “Philippines War Week” of films. Yeah, the Italians made this — and not down in the South Seas — but wow, this plays as good as any Philippine Namsploitation rip. Maybe even a little bit better than a Cirio H. Santiago flick. Maybe.

Okay, ye purveyor of B-Trash, let’s unpack the caveats:

  1. While that looks like a rendering of Michael Sopkiw on the one-sheet, this isn’t a repack of Blastfighter made to look like a First Blood/Rambo sequel — although that film was inspired by the adventures of Rambo.
  2. While it looks like it’s a Mark Gregory War movie — of which he made four, plus three Thunder movies — themselves each inspired by Rambo — this isn’t a repack of any of those movies. (We break those flicks down as part of our “Mark Gregory Week” tribute.
  3. Do not do what I did and confuse this Jim Goldman, aka John Gale, aka Filipina Jun Gallardo’s Mad Max apoc-poo Desert Warrior starring Lou Ferrigno.
  4. No, this isn’t a Stallone Rambo foreign repack with bad art work.
  5. Yes, as incredible as it may seem, the Mark Harmon in the credits — in lieu of Michael Sopkiw or Mark Gregory (!) that should be starring — is the same Mark Harmon you’re now watching in reruns from CBS-TV’s NCIS.
  6. This is, in fact, a Enzo G. Castellari’s production, aka The Desert Warrior, aka Tuareg: The Desert Warrior, aka Rambo of the Desert Warrior, which makes no sense. Why not Rambo, the Desert Warrior or Rambo: Desert Blood?

Now, when you see the dependable name of Enzo G. Castellari — the man who gave us Inglorious Bastards, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Escape from the Bronx, and Warriors of the Wasteland, you know you’re getting intriguing action, and a bag o’ chips.

In a desolate section of the Libyan-Algerian Sahara once ruled by the French, Gacel Sayah (Mark Harmon), a Tuareg tribal leader (in tanning make-up and blue contacts), offers refuge to two government fugitives. When soldiers from the newly-installed Arab regime demand the “war criminals” be turned over to them, our desert Rambo refuses, based on the region’s ancient, scared laws. When the soldiers murder one and kidnap the other war criminal, Sayah mounts a bloody campaign to rescue his charge, for so says “the law.”

If you’ve watched any of Enzo’s westerns — A Few Dollars for Django and One Dollar Too Many — then you’ll know that Enzo was into desert-based mayhem long before Stallone came on the scene, so what you get with this much HBO-aired ditty is a war-modernized Spaghetti Western. And be it western, poliziotteschi, or post-apocalypse, Castellari never disappoints, non-A-List Hollywood budgets be damned.

By the time Harmon went all spaghetti-Rambo in the joint, he got his start with guest shots as cops on Adam-12 and its ’70s sister show, Emergency (which I’ve seen these past months as Antenna TV reruns). Harmon also starred in two, failed one-season series with the cop procedural-dramas Sam (1977) and (the one I remember watching first-run) 240-Robert (1979). He was one season deep into his breakthrough role as Dr. Robert Caldwell in the NBC-TV medical drama St. Elsewhere when Tuareg: The Desert Warrior was released. But I have a feeling Harmon probably film this Italian romp long before production on the series began — with Enzo holding back the film (due to creative or cash flow issues), then released he had a “star” on in his film. As for Harmon: when it came to crossing over to a theatrical career, he went for comedy instead of action, with the flops Summer School and Worth Winning.

When you think that Harmon is the guy from TV’s NCIS . . . made-up to look Middle Eastern . . . makes this spaghetti Rambo an even more fascinating watch.

And you can watch this Mill Creek box set public domain ditty on You Tube.

Philippine War Week: Mad Warrior (1984)

Editor’s Note: We first reviewed this off-the-rails war romp from Willy Milan on September 25, 2018, as part of our “Fucked Up Futures” series of reviews. But regardless of its Mad Max pretensions, it’s still just the same ol’ Filipino Rambo knockoff — only with a coat of post-apoc paint. Amazing what a three-wheeled trike can do to “future up” a movie. Thus, we’ve brought Mad Warrior back for “Philippines War Week.”

Remember when I said, we’ll get to the sequel to W Is War in the future? The future is now. And in this future, everyone will ride a tricycle with armor and flames all over it.

After World War III, the planet is destroyed. But on an island in the Pacific, some survive in a fortified colony and are led by Maizon, a one-eyed cyborg bad guy who makes everyone fight in gladiator battles. Rex, our hero, tries to escape with his son, but he is caught and his son is killed. Oh yeah — Maizon also killed his father and wife, too!

Rhea helps him escape, taking him to the scientist colony Ophelos, where her father, Zeus, leads a peaceful people.

Let me tell you a few other things about Maizon. He often takes off his armor to reveal that his face is all scarred up. He can’t give up on his dream of seeing Rex’s blood stain the sands of his arena red. He has armies of gladiators ready to die for him. He raw dogs a black girl in the dirt while his entire army turns their back. And oh yeah. He’s a werewolf.

Look — any movie that starts with a two-minute long nuclear explosion set to disco music is going to be one that I grow obsessed by. This movie is bonkers. Every outfit is great. Every character is awesome. Every line of dialogue is unhinged.

There’s a scene where a gladiator salesman tells Maizon all about his gladiators that is full of wonderfully bad acting, sparklers and maniacal goofball laughter.

The final scenes of this movie are everything you want a film to be: explosions, tricycles, gladiator fights, machine guns, militaryesque hand signals, an army of dudes with mashed spiked mohawks, literally bad guys by the thousands getting mowed down by machine gun fire to the sounds of disco synth, people on fire, more explosions, a nice wood fence, a subterranean cave base, slow death reactions, leaping martial arts, axes, running, even more explosions, one hit kills, guns that shoot knives, a lightsabre duel, a bad guy blowing up real good, sparklers, a makeout session over the dead body of the previously mentioned bad guy and so much more.

The love interest closes the film by telling our hero, “You’re really crazy. Crazy like a mad warrior.” He rides his horse off into the sunset and I start screaming like a maniac. This movie. This movie!

Cult Action has this. I would advise getting it now and starting your own gladiator army!

Dune (1984)

I can’t imagine being the father of a kid who dragged you to the theater to see Dune without you knowing a single thing about it. This is a movie that spends the first ten minutes explaining the world of Dune and how important melange — spice — is, extending life, expanding consciousness and allow space to be folded. There’s also an insane amount of nonsense words blasted at the viewer, stuff like landsraad, gom jabber and sardaukar. Sure, people who devoured the books — hi, I was 12 and never thought I’d ever see a naked woman ever — were ready for the movie. But man, even I can admit that the film can be impenetrable.

They gave out a glossary before the movie! Yes, a glossary!

For years, this movie lived in development hell. First, there was an attempt by Apjac International — — headed by Arthur P. Jacobs, the producer of the Planet of the Apes films — to make an adaption with David Lean. One assumes that he was picked because he’d already made Lawrence of ArabiaAnne of the Thousand Days and Condorman director Charles Jarrott was also asked, but Jacobs died in 1973 and the rights went to a French consortium.

That’s when Alejandro Jodorowsky started his quixotic quest to make this movie, as told in Jodorowsky’s Dune. If only that movie had come to the screen — planned to star Brontis Jodorowsky as Paul Atreides, Salvador Dalí as Shaddam IV, Orson Welles as Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, Gloria Swanson as Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam, David Carradine as Duke Leto Atreides, Hervé Villechaize as Gurney Halleck, Udo Kier as Piter De Vries and Mick Jagger as Feyd-Rautha with music by Pink Floyd and Magma. As the storyboards, designs and script neared completion, the money stopped coming in. All we have to see for the effort are the designs by Chris Foss, Jean ” Moebius” Giraud and H.R. Giger, but man — what could have been*.

Dino De Laurentiis acquired the rights from the consortium and hired Herbert to write a new script and Ridley Scott to direct, but a combination of the pain of Scott’s brother Frank dying and the sheer level of work that would be needed to make the film caused Scott to leave the project.

By 1981,  De Laurentiis renegotiated the rights from Herbert. After his daughter Raffaella saw The Elephant Man, she told her father that David Lynch was the man to make the film, despite the fact that he never read the book, didn’t know the story and didn’t like science fiction. He agreed to make the film, turning down the opportunity to direct Return of the Jedi.

Lynch worked on seven different scripts for the film and his initial cut was four hours long. Universal expected a two-hour movie and that led the filmmakers to cut numerous parts of the film, film new ones and add the opening voiceover that attempts to explain the story. There’s another version that tries to explain even more — the extended cut — that Lynch took his name off of and replaced with Alan Smithee**. As the director would later say — he rarely will discuss the film, won’t be part of a director’s cut and considers it the only failure of his career –“I started selling out on Dune. Looking back, it’s no one’s fault but my own. I probably shouldn’t have done that picture, but I saw tons and tons of possibilities for things I loved, and this was the structure to do them in. There was so much room to create a world. But I got strong indications from Raffaella and Dino De Laurentiis of what kind of film they expected, and I knew I didn’t have final cut.”

As for Jodorowsky, he was upset that Lynch had the opportunity to make this film yet he believed that he was the only other director capable of making the movie. He refused to see the film until his sons made him go and he ended up being overjoyed, seeing that it was a failure. He said that he knew that the fault was not Lynch’s but the money men.

Herbert would say in his short story collected Eye, “I enjoyed the film even as a cut and I told it as I saw it: What reached the screen is a visual feast that begins as Dune begins and you hear my dialogue all through it.”

As for the critics, they hated it. Harlan Ellison claimed that this was because they were denied early access to the film. Luckily, over the years, people have come around to seeing this as a flawed piece of art.

Dune is a movie that simple to explain — a young nobleman named Paul Atreides becomes the leader of a band of rebels on a desert planet — and difficult at the same time to really go into, because the original book is 412 pages of Herbert being inspired by psilocybin and cultivating mushrooms.

I’ve always just tried to go along for the ride and enjoy the astounding visuals and the cast in this. I mean, José Ferrer, Freddie Jones, Sting, Brad Dourif, Kyle MacLachlan, Jack Nance, Patrick Stewart, Jürgen Prochnow, Paul Smith, Dean Stockwell, Max von Sydow and Sean Young all in one movie***? And sandworms? And energy shields that look like Atari graphics?

Also, to this day, I remain stunned that they made coloring books and action figures for this movie.

Dune is available in limited edition UHD, blu ray and steelbook editions. Each has the new 4K restoration from the original camera negative, while the UHD and blu ray editions come with a sixty page book featuring new writing on the film by Andrew Nette, Christian McCrea and Charlie Brigden. If you’re into extras, all of these releases are beyond stuffed with them, such as commentary tracks by film historian Paul M. Sammon and Mike White of The Projection Booth podcast; the documentary Impressions of Dune; multiple featurettes on the making of the movie; eleven deleted scenes; the 1983 featurette Destination Dune, originally produced to promote the film at conventions and publicity events; features on the film’s toys and music — with Toto interviews!; and even more interviews with people like Paul Smith, make-up artist Giannetto de Rossi, production coordinator Golda Offenheim and make-up effects artist Christopher Tucker.

If you have any interest in Dune at all, trust me, you need to have this release. Plus, as one of the first UHDs I’ve added to my movie collection, it just looks incredible.

*To be fair, it would have been a 14-hour movie that was only inspired by the book. Herbert said that the script was “the size of a phone book.”

**The name he chose for the screenwriting credit was Judas Booth, which is a play on two traitors and how he felt about the producers of Dune.

***Aldo Ray was originally cast in the role of Gurney Halleck but his alcoholism was out of control. His wife Johanna ended up casting many of Lynch’s films and their son Eric DaRe was Leo on Twin Peaks.

Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984)

Arriving at the end of the video nasty era, when this British comedy was screened for censor James Ferman, the reels were played in the wrong order. Nonetheless, he enjoyed the movie and it passed.

It was created by British comedian, DJ and television presenter Kenny Everett, who got his start in pirate radio before being part of BBC Radio One. He was dismissed in 1970 after making remarks about the British Transport Minister’s wife. She had recently passed a driving test after several attempts and he joked that she must have bribed her driving test examiner. While this joke seems innocent enough, it was enough to get him fired, at which point he moved into commercial radio and TV.

After Everett’s death, the true story came out that this wasn’t the real reason he had been fired. It was probably because he had threatened to go public on the restrictive practices and deals with the Musicians Union. He was even embargoed from giving any interviews while working for the BBC.

Unlike the more leftist comedians we usually have in the U.S., Everett was to the right, openly supporting the Conservative Party under Margaret Thatcher. Perhaps even stranger, he was a closeted gay man and supported a political party that passed Section 28, which made it illegal for councils to promote gay rights and issues.

During the 1983 general election campaign, Everett appeared at a Young Conservative rally and was dared by director Michael Winner — yes, the man who made Death Wish — to take to the stage, wearing gigantic foam hands and screaming “Let’s bomb Russia!” The media didn’t react well to this and the fallout hurt this movie, which is really a rather silly parody of Hammer movies.

A group of Satanic monks — led by Vincent Price as Sinister Man — have been killing people since the 70s. Doctor Lucas Mandeville (Everett) and Doctor Barbara Coyle (Pamela Stephenson, ) are sent to investigate where it all began: Headstone Manor now known as the House of Death.

This is actually Price’s last appearance in a British movie and makes fun of everything from Alien and The Legend of Hell House to Poltergeist and The Entity, with Doctor Coyle arrdvarking with a spectral lover. It also completely rips its ending off of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s not great, but it’s silly and has plenty of gore, which somehow got through the aforementioned censors.

Meatballs Part II (1984)

Yes, Meatballs Part II may have no Bill Murray, but what it does have is Ken Wiederhorn as the director. Somewhere, somehow, someone saw Eyes of a Stranger and Shock Waves and said, that’s the guy to make a teen movie. Actually, I’m being silly, because we all know — we do, right? — that Ken also made King Frat and that alone probably qualified him for this. Or punitive damages.

Richard Mulligan plays Giddy, the owner of Camp Sasquatch. He’s battling Colonel Batjack Hershy (Hamilton Camp, who played the robot in Starcrash), who owns Camp Patton and wants the entire lake for himself. They decide that an end of the summer boxing match is a great way to settle matters, so Giddy recruits an inner-city tough kid named Flash (John Mengatti, Tag: The Assassination Game) for that pugilistic task, but the kid just really wants to crash the custard truck with Cheryl (Kim Richards).

Also, of course, the kids at the camp have an alien named Meathead staying with them. He’s played by Felix Silla and voiced by Archie Hann, who was one of the Juicy Fruits/Beach Bums/Undead in Phantom of the Paradise.

This movie has some decent actors in it, like Misty Row from Hee Haw, John Larroquette, a pre-Pee-Wee Paul Ruebens, Jason Hervey, Elayne Boosler, Tammy Taylor (Don’t Go Near the Park), Blackie Dammit and Donald Gibb. Just seeing a few of those names and I knew that I had to watch this.