Sorceress (1982)

I’ve been wanting to watch this movie for years. It has the most perfect of trailers, one that shows off its triumphant score, battles and ridiculous special effects, along with the twin sisters who will rise up to battle an evil wizard. Seriously, if you watch this trailer and don’t want to watch this movie, I really have no idea why you’re on our site.

How does an evil wizard get awesome powers? Well, if you’re Traigon, you’re going to have to sacrifice your firstborn child to the god Caligara. However, his wife surprises him by having twins and not revealing which one came first, so he has his men stick a giant claw into her nether regions, making you instantly realize that Jim Wynorski wrote this movie.

Before she passes away, she gives the babies to Krona, a warrior who promises to raise these “girl children” to be warriors — the two who are one — who will get revenge for their mother.

Twenty years later, after losing the first of his three lives to Krona, Traigon comes back to hunt down his daughters, who are now joined by Erlik the barbarian and Baldar the Viking.

Mira and Mara are played by Leigh and Lynette Harris, twin sisters who appeared together in the April 1978 issue of Playboy. They’re also in I, the Jury, the film that Larry Cohen quit to make Q the Winged Serpent.

This is a Roger Corman on the cheap production, one that steals the score from Battle Beyond the Stars. In typical Corman fashion, he also shortchanged director Jack Hill, who asked for his name to be removed because the special effects were shortchanged and also because he had written a role for his friend Sid Haig, who Corman refused to hire at the last minute. Instead, he’s credited as Brian Stuart, the first names of Corman’s sons. Hill also claims that Dino De Laurentiis stole his film’s lighting equipment to film Dune.

Becca would like you to know that the only reason they made this movie is just to show boobs. She’s never lived in a world without the internet, so perhaps she doesn’t understand. Me, I wanted to see the giant flying lion at the end, because I’m a grown-up adult.

There’s also a monkey man in this movie, a development that makes as much sense — and has me as excited — as when the werewolf dude shows up in Turkey Shoot. There’s also a satyr that helps our heroes who really creeped Becca out as he mostly screams like a goat.

Also: the twins are like the Corsican Brothers, so of course there is a scene where one has sex and the other lies there and orgasms while the goatman watches. Because man, what a missed opportunity if that hadn’t happened.

The end of this film, where the monkey man turns good and a giant woman’s head in the sky battles a flying lion while a virgin sacrifice happens? It’s everything I wanted this movie to be. It’s why you should be watching this.

Want to see more of Jack Hill’s films? I definitely recommend Spider Baby, which is as strange of a movie as you can find. There’s also Switchblade SistersCoffyFoxy BrownThe Big Doll HouseThe Big Bird Cage and many more. They’re worth discovering.

You can watch Sorceress for free with an Amazon Prime membership.

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