TUBI PICKS: Week 18

Tubi picks are back. You can check out all of our Tubi movies on Letterboxd.

1. Macabre: TUBI LINK

I often remark that Lamberto Bava isn’t very good. If he had made more movies like this, I wouldn’t say that. There are definitely some startling moments in this.

2. L.A. AIDS Jabber: TUBI LINK

If you haven’t purchased the Visual Vengeance buy ray, you can watch this completely amazing SOV thriller on our favorite streamin service.

3. Beyond Dreams Door: TUBI LINK

Imagine a movie as hard to explain as Phantasm with — amazingly — less of a budget. That’s what you’ve got here. And it’s exactly as great as you’d hope.

4. Severed Ties: TUBI LINK

Harrison Harrison (Billy Morrissette) is a scientist who loses his arm in a regeneration experiment that leads to the limb becoming a reptilian force of evil, but he’s also a mother’s boy — his mom Helena is played by Elke Sommer! — and she has him and Doctor Hans Vaughan (Oliver Reed) wrapped around her finger, so our protagonist visits the homeless church led by Preacher (Johnny Legend) and recruits amputee veteran Stripes (Garrett Morris) and an army of the homeless.

5. Through the Fire: TUBI LINK

After some mysterious disappearances in Fort Worth, Texas, Sandra Curtis — the sister of one of the victims — hires Nick Berkley to find her lost sibling. They soon learn that a cult that worships Moloch — so they’re going to Bohemian Grove? — is behind everything and that there’s an amulet that can stop them.

6. Swamp of the Ravens: TUBI LINK

This Spanish film has no ravens — its title translates as The Swamp of the Ravens— but instead black vultures. It’s about Dr. Frosta, who believes that life can continue after death and will do anything to take that hypothesis and transform it into a theory. There’s also a guy singing to mannequins and the doctor trying to use blood to keep his girlfriend alive but he continues to take her to 6th base, as they say.

7. Hard Hunted: TUBI LINK

When you’re trying to rescue a nuclear trigger hidden inside a jade statue, it’s totally smart to just slow down and do squat thrusts in the cucumber patch with your fellow agent. Saving the world can wait. Making love in the sand can’t.

8. Final Impact: TUBI LINK

See that shirtless Lorenzo Lamas playing kickboxing champion Nick Taylor? Well, Nick is a drunken mess who never recovered from losing his title and his wife. A Vegas kickboxing championship is the goal for the whole movie, but then Nick gets the idea that he can still beat Jake, who beats him to the point that he dies in a hospital bed and yeah, you realize that you rented this for Lorenzo Lamas and now he’s dead and having Danny beat Jake is kind of anticlimatic especially when you realize that he’s probably going to end up horizontally dancing with his hero’s common law widow, but direct to video films are wild and you just roll with the punches. Or kicks.

9. Demonia: TUBI LINK

Suffice to say, these are very evil nuns. The kind of evil nuns that make cats eyeballs. Fulci!

10. Vice Academy 3: TUBI LINK

The girls of Vice Academy are back again. Linnea Quigley’s Didi gets may be gone and Ginger Lynn’s Holly is in prison, but there’s a whole new environmental issue to deal with and the threat of Malathion (Julia Parton, who did many an adult magazine photoshoot and is the cousin of Dolly), who is out to ruin Earth Day — a holiday created by a murderer (for real).

TUBI PICKS: Week 17

Here are this week’s Tubi picks! You can check out all of our Tubi movies on Letterboxd.

1.  The IncubusTUBI LINK

John Cassavetes made some of the best movies of all time. He also was in The Incubus, a movie about demon cocks.

2. A Quiet Place to Kill: TUBI LINK

I think I love Carroll Baker more than nearly all of my ex-girlfriends put together. I also like Umberto Lenzi more than a lot of people and hey, let’s not even get started on the guy who shot this, Joe D’Amato. There’s a lot to love in this movie.

3. Bell from Hell: TUBI LINK

Dreamy at times, brutally realistic at others, the real strange thing about this film is that director Claudio Guerín died when he fell — or jumped — from the tower housing the title bell on the last day of shooting.

4. The Graveyard: TUBI LINK

Lana Turner hates cats and loves people. If you know, you know.

5. The Invasion of Carol Enders: TUBI LINK

A shot on video made for TV movie about murder and ghosts? Man, Tubi, you treat us so well.

6. The Pit and the Pendulum: TUBI LINK

Barbara Steele and Vincent Price in the same movie. We really don’t deserve this and here it is, a movie that destroys me every single time I watch it. Price is incredible in it and Barbara Steele’s eyes inspired me to write a song about them.

7. Deadly Strangers: TUBI LINK

Hayley Mills in a giallo? Yes. It happened. I mean, it’s not a true Italian psychosexual nightmare but it’s so close.

8. Road Games: TUBI LINK

How many times can you try to kill Jamie Lee Curtis in 1981? Twice, which is one less than 1980.

9. Eaten Alive: TUBI LINK

If you watch the weekly Drive-In Asylum Double Feature, take this as an absolute spoiler that this movie will be on the show.

10. Eaten Alive!: TUBI LINK

Yeah, that’s two Umberto Lenzi movies but it’s also two movies with the same title and that’s pretty great. This movie is going to punch you as hard as it can and you’re going to let it.

TUBI PICKS: Week 16

Hey — do you have some Tubi picks? Share them with me…I could use the help!

1.  Twister’s Revenge!TUBI LINK

Man, Bill Rebane, what were you doing? What am I doing saying you should watch this? A computer-driven monster truck with a heart? I mean, I’ve certainly recommended worse.

2. Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks: TUBI LINK

No one knows who directed this movie for sure, why the 19th century villagers have on blue jeans or how this perverted movie got a PG rating.

3. Massacre Mafia Style: TUBI LINK

Duke Mitchell made movies his way. So get out of the way. This movie is deliriously insane in the best of ways, a grubbier mafia movie than you’ve seen before and one that had a movie scene have real guests invited and their gifts donated to pay for the movie.

4. Vice Academy 2: TUBI LINK

Linnea Quigley and Ginger Allen are back, but Teagan Clive appears as Bimbocop and takes this series into the surreal. Yes, it’s that dumb. Also, yes, it’s that good.

5. After Midnight: TUBI LINK

I started at this cover every time I rented movies and didn’t ever get it. What was I thinking? This anthology movie is a blast with an ending that makes the movie so much better.

6. Hide and Go Shriek: TUBI LINK

A way late in the game slasher that has a problematic reason for the killer killing everyone, but when has having a killer needing politically correct reasons for offing people been a thing?

7. The Adventures of Mark TwainTUBI LINK

A dying Mark Twain, some kids, Satan…the most frightening movie I’ve ever posted on the site.

I’m not joking.

8. Convoy: TUBI LINK

“Ah, breaker one-nine, this here’s the Rubber DuckYou gotta copy on me, Pig Pen, c’mon? Ah, yeah, 10-4, Pig Pen, fer shure, fer shureBy golly, it’s clean clear to Flag Town, c’monYeah, that’s a big 10-4 there, Pig PenYeah, we definitely got the front door, good buddyMercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy”

9. Day of the Warrior: TUBI LINK

Yes, I will put an Andy Sidaris movie on this list, every list. This one has Julie Strain. Watch it and thank me — and Andy, and Julie, and everyone in it — for fixing your life.

10. Vampyres: TUBI LINK

I almost shared the safe for work version of this movie’s art, but Jose Larraz has gotten me in so much trouble that I feel I should lean in and support what was his best movie.

TUBI PICKS (week 15)

Welcome back to a better late than never guide to what you could be watching on Tubi.

1.  Beyond the DarknessTUBI LINK

I despise anyone who calls Joe D’Amato a hack. This movie is my evidence. This Goblin soundtrack is my church hymns. All hail the maniac who made this movie.

2. Doom Asylum: TUBI LINK

Fake movie punks — Tina and the Tots! — join a serial killer named The Coroner, Patty Mullen from Frankenhooker and, perhaps strangest of all, Kristen Davis in a slasher no one talks about.

3. UninvitedTUBI LINK

George Kennedy never said no. This is the most obvious example. Watch it and think a kind thought for him.

4. Hillbillys In a Haunted House: TUBI LINK

Not to be one of those shippers I read about, but I really hope Ferlin Huskey fucked the shit out of Joi Lansing. There, I said it. I stand behind it. I believe in love.

5. Hell of the Living Dead: TUBI LINK

Speaking of love, Bruno Mattei. That dude. I love that dude. This movie is completely the silliest and perhaps most poorly made zombie movie you’ll see and I will defend it with fists. Such is the way of my heart.

6. Invitation to Hell: TUBI LINK

I hate Wes Craven’s movies, his whining about why they never went right and the people that think that Scream means anything. But if he only made TV movies, well, I would have loved him. Because the dude knew that if you combine Satanism, Susan Lucci, Robert Urich and action figure special effects that I will fall for it every single time.

7. Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors: TUBI LINK

If you get on a train and Doctor Schreck wants to do his Tarot reading for you, just politely demur. You’ll learn why when you watch this.

8. Horror High: TUBI LINK

More people should watch this movie. Like, you should watch this right now. If you’re busy, change your plans.

9. Legend of the Werewolf Woman: TUBI LINK

My love for the goofy side of horror is well-documented by myself. Also, my zeal for movies where monsters are all about fucking. I mean, this is a whole movie about a wolf woman who just wants to howl at the moon. Get into it.

10. Freeway: TUBI LINK

There’s no way this movie should be so good, but somehow, it surprises you at every single opportunity. Also: Brooke Shields is in it!

You can see all of the Tubi picks from this series on Letterboxd.

TUBI PICKS (week 14)

Better late than, well, you know. Here’s another week of Tubi picks!

1.  ThreadsTUBI LINK

Hey let’s start off this week with the biggest downer on the entire channel. I mean it — Threads is not to be fucked with, a movie about nuclear war that makes The Day After feel like a Pixar joint.

2.  Heavy MetalTUBI LINK

I hit puberty during this movie and never really looked back. I also discovered that Dio in Black Sabbath is perhaps one of the greatest things that this world can ever give us, as this movie blasts “Mob Rules” at the very moment when a mob does, in fact, rule.

3. The Wraith: TUBI LINK

I want people to be losing their minds over this every single day. How can anyone not? I mean, it’s a mess but a glorious one. It’s also pretty much Ghost Rider.

4. The Kentucky Fried Movie: TUBI LINK

I may have watched this movie five hundred times. I laugh louder each time. I realize that it’s stupid. In no way do I care.

5. Cherry 2000: TUBI LINK

Even in my teen years, I knew one very important thing: Edith > Cherry 2000.

6. Evils of the Night: TUBI LINK

When porn stars and Old Hollywood — much less Julie Newmar and Tina Louise — all land in a small town, well…you get this Aquarius Releasing piece of scum magic. Yes, that is the Millennium Falcon on the poster.

7. Two Thousand Maniacs!: TUBI LINK

One day, Kissimmee, Florida would be the entry to the happiest place on Earth. But in this movie, it’s a Southern Brigadoon ready to claim lives so that the South — once every few years — can rise again and kill. I love this fucking movie more than most women I’ve dated.

8. Punk Vacation: TUBI LINK

Nothing in this poster happens in this movie. There aren’t punks. There is no vacation. Movies are fucking liars.

9. Galaxy of Terror: TUBI LINK

Every Saturday night, I get drunk on the Drive-In Asylum Double Feature and mention that every time a movie has nudity that it’s for the foreign investors. This is the biggest “for the foreign investors” movie of all time, one where a giant worm assaults a woman because someone, somewhere outside of America used their cash to demand it.

10. Silent Rage: TUBI LINK

Science created him. Now Chuck Norris must destroy him. Dude. How are you not watching this right now? Chuck Norris against a slasher killing machine! Come on!

TUBI PICKS (week 13)

It’s Thursday and I’m ready to give you some recommendations for what to watch on Tubi.

1.  Prey of the JaguarTUBI LINK

Maxwell Caulfield as a superhero? Linda Blair and Stacy Keach are in it too? I mean, that’s al I needed to know.

2. The BlobTUBI LINK

That poster is by Travis Bundy and man, has anyone ever made a better remake ever? In fact, I love this movie way more than the original.

3. Freejack: TUBI LINK

Look, Mick Jagger wears a silly hat and people can be saved from death and man, cyberpunk.

4. Fire and Ice: TUBI LINK

More people should be losing their minds over those. Comic book writers Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway? Frank Frazetta art come to life? Ralph Bakshi? A Batman-esque barbarian named Darkwolf? Backgrounds by your mom’s favorite painter Thomas Kinkade? You know it.

5. Lifeforce: TUBI LINK

What a fabulous disaster. We will never again have a movie this relentlessly weird released as a big budget film. Never. Watch this and be astounded because everything was real, Tobe Hooper was nuts and Cannon paid the bill.

6. The New York Ripper: TUBI LINK

Art by Jay Shaw. I had a crisis of faith today. Do the movies I love make me a horrible person worthy of exodus? Maybe. A few hours later, I could give less of a fuck and will recommend you watch this movie, an utterly indefensible film that I gave ten stars to because I love Lucio Fulci, I adore how fucked up he was mentally and I love when people just give up and go all in. At least they have some guts.

7. Pieces: TUBI LINK

Speaking of movies I should probably be shunned for, I will forever love this movie, which does not care about anything other than entertaining you. I’ve watched it so many times and still wonder what’s going on but that’s so much of the joy. You don’t have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre!

8. The Red Queen Kills Seven Times: TUBI LINK

I don’t know if God exists, but I refuse to believe that a big bang and some chemicals could craft something as perfect and wonderful as Barbara Bouchet, who I fell I love with across time as I watched her seduce a boy from the comfort of her bathtub and then investigate a murder in the provinces. Forever my queen.

9. Death Warmed Up: TUBI LINK

Australia was once a prison colony filled with deadly animals and now, well, it’s just filled with deadly animals and man, their movies are absolutely what I want. This movie is a punk rock surgery zombie revenge something. It’s something.

10. I Drink Your Blood: TUBI LINK

My church is the secular world of the drive-in, but I feel like I had a vision during this movie. Then again, I was smoking and drinking for four movies by then, the car surrounded by fog inside and out and a small town being destroyed by the innocence of a boy. Satan is an acid head.

TUBI PICKS (week 12)

It’s Thursday and that means it’s time to fill your brain with some wild stuff on Tubi.

1.  The Necro Files: TUBI LINK

If you haven’t ordered this from Video Vengeance’s new line of SOV blu rays, good news. You can get a sneak preview at this movie right now. Why do I love it? Well, it’s dedicated to Joe D’Amato. And it has huge dicked demon zombies, abundant nudity and, yes, a flying baby that sings most of his dialogue. It’s completely unhinged in a way that movies that people say are completely unhinged are afraid of.

2.  Bloody Muscle Body Builder In Hell: TUBI LINK

The second release of Video Vengeance’s new line of SOV blu rays — also known as Japanese Evil Dead — is also up on the service. It lives up to its crazy name, trust me.

3. Tenement: TUBI LINK

As you watch this movie, which seems like it was set right down the street from Death Wish 3 and Vigilante, you can feel safer in your home, as director Roberta Findlay claims that this is based on her childhood.

4. Dr. Jekyll vs. the Werewolf: TUBI LINK

No matter how many werewolf movies Paul Naschy makes, I will watch them all, again and again. This time, El Hombre Lobo is up against another perhaps even more sinister monster this time. Long may he howl.

5. Alison’s Birthday: TUBI LINK

Part of the All the Haunts Be Ours box set from Severin, this Australian folk horror film had a low budget and big ideas, which is really all you need in this world. I’m pretty fascinated with it and hope you take the time to watch it.

6. No One Would TellTUBI LINK

I think the problem with the world is too many kids aren’t watching enough TV movies. This one will teach you that even Kevin Arnold can do anabolic steroids and murder D.J. Tanner in a fit of white hot rage. From the director of Las Vegas Lady, Noel Nosseck.

7. Flowers In the Attic: TUBI LINK

Just one look at the cover art for this book in the 70s was enough to send me into paroxysms of panic-stricken terror. I’ve somewhat overcome those feelings and absolutely love this movie. Sure, it’s been made again, but when the world is on fire, sometimes you need to hide in the original attic.

8. Death Spa: TUBI LINK

Murderous fish! A killer blender! An asparagus-filled lovemaking scene! Oh man, Death Spa redefines horrible yet I love it so. It’s also known by an even better title: Witch Bitch.

9. Ator the Fighting Eagle: TUBI LINK

If you didn’t know, I love all things Joe D’Amato. I mean, I wrote an entire breakdown of this film series, as well as a deep dive into Filmirage, D’Amato’s releasing company. To try and understand my feelings — or maybe not — watch this barbarian movie. I hope you find something you love just as much.

10. Demonoid: TUBI LINK

Warning! Certain scenes could be too shocking for those of you who are not true believers in the Devil. Man, this movie. God bless Samantha Eggar for screaming her head off and providing her own clothes. God bless Stuart Whitman for being a boxing priest. God bless Russ Meyer girl Haji for being in this. God bless Alfredo Zacarías for making absolute pieces of shit like this and The Bees. God bless you for reading all of this. God bless God.

Tubi picks (week twelve with guest Erich Kuersten)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Erich Kuersten is a gonzo-theorist, film and music critic, crypto-Jungian and editor of The Acidemic Journal of Film and Media, with work appearing in: Bright Lights Film Journal, Popmatters, Slashfood, McSweeney’s, Slant and the Daily Om. Also (in print): The Decadent Handbook, Scarlet Street and Midnight Marquee. Films include the awards-skipping Queen of Disks, The Lacan Hour, Drunkards of Borneo and the “Shortcuts to Enlightenment” series. Check out his site here.

1. Demon Witch Child (1975): TUBI LINK

After an old witch kills herself in the DA’s office, she possesses his spooky-looking to start with daughter Susan (Marián Salgado) and lets the obscenities fly. Clearly Mexican with a complicated relationship with Catholicism (in a good way), we got the pleasure of watching a very deadpan child actress in old lady make-up killing people in the park, sexually taunting a priest (“You’re either a goddamned queer or impotent!”), sacrificing a baby, insulting her mom, castrating her mom’s boyfriend, and generally proving Mexico can out-do Italian Exorcist clones any day of the week. There’s even some Tubular Bells-style chimes and a child chorus singing a spooky Morricone-ish “na-na-na” song. The acting of everyone else is all over the place and side plots of stall out but Salgado seems to be having a real wild time, holding very still for the time lapse transformation effects and generally earning her spot in the following year’s Who Can Kill a Child?  Pair it with the wondrous Antichrist also on Tubi (the Italian one, not the Von Trier one)

2. The Eternal (1998): TUBI LINK

Michael Almereyda followed up Nadja (his cult black-and-white downtown 90s hipster reimagining of Dracula’s Daughter) with this revisionist Irish take on Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb, (i.e. Bram Stoker’s “Jewel with 7 Stars”). Hard-partying NYC hipster Alison Elliott travels with her drinking partner/husband (Jared Harris) and their kid to her Irish homestead–drawn by bad fainting spells and the pull of bog mummy druid sorceress ancient relative currently down in the basement, watched over by her eccentric hard-drinking Christopher Walken. The banal title and terrible DVD cover (it makes this artsy and cool film look like some lame direct-to-video softcore), no doubt keep its ideal audience at bay. Don’t be fooled! With its arty photography, dreamy music (including a Cat Power song) and 16mm and super 8mm film stock used to evoke past life and childhood memories, the whole thing flows with a dreamy Irish vibe both melancholic and groovy, especially for anyone who grew up watching classic horror movies on TV before moving to the city to become a jaded hipster alcoholic.

3. Revenant (1998): TUBI LINK

Also known as Modern Vampires, this triple-R rated HBO TV movie benefits from a darkly hilarious and gleefully savage script by Matthew Bright (Freeway). Caspar van Dien is a cool vampire who needs to guide sexy Natasha von Wagner in the mores of vamping after she starts running amok (he vamped her a while ago but then left her to fend for herself). See, Dracula is in town and trying to reign in all the vamping under his rule and he considers Van Dien a threat. Rod Steiger is the hammy Van Helsing Jr. who we learn staked his own son after Van Dien turned him. Kim Cattrall, Udo Kier, Natasha Lyonne, Craig Ferguson all co-star, though the scene is stolen by four gangbangers Steiger recruits as vamp hunters, who wind up saving the day (for the vampires) and have a great blunted group dynamic. Rife with the typically cheerful and shockingly blase sense of darkly comic amorality we hope for from a Matthew Bright script, it’s a dark little sociopathic gem dressed in made-for-HBO vamp movie colors. (see also the Bright-scripted Dark Angel, also on Tubi).

4. The Forbidden Girl (2013): TUBI LINK

This atmospheric German/Dutch production, filmed in English, benefits from a great location–a vast, crumbling mansion with Overlook-ish interior hallways–and a strange Jungian archetypal plot involving the confused son of a deranged preacher who finds the girl (Jytte-Merle Böhrnsen) he thought he only imagined but who’s now living as an insane sun-allergic invalid where he’s been hired to be a live-in tutor (and she doesn’t remember him). Cockblocking their inevitable hookup is a strapping Germanic house man (Klaus Tange, from Strange Color of Your Body’s Tears) always within earshot and an elderly witch who seems to be getting younger as the film goes on. Given way more love and care (especially with the dusky cinematography and hallway-prowling camera) than its lack of renown warrants, Forbidden triangulates Neil Jordan, David Lynch, and Joseph Campbell to find a zone that feels like a half-forgotten childhood dream, but with some bad CGI.

5. 68 Kill (2017): TUBI LINK

Naive, smitten yokel Chip winds up on the wrong side of his homicidal girlfriend (a wondrously feral Anne LynnMcCord) after racing away into the night in her car, rescuing the woman she was trying to sell to her even more evil snuff film-making brother. A wild chase ensues and he eventually winds up in the clutches of another homicidal woman, this one a meth-headed crime ring leader played by Sheila Vand (A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night). Your jaw will hit the floor and likely not be lifted again until the credits roll, especially if you love strong, dangerous women and propulsive black comedy crime films where you legitimately have no idea what will happen next.

6. Machine Gun Kelly (1957): TUBI LINK

A lean, mean Roger Corman crime film stolen by Susan Cabot as Kelly’s long-time girlfriend and the real brains of the operation (she even gave him the name). A groovy score and rattatat editing along with Cabot’s stylish self-assertion, cool furs, and–surprise–Charles Bronson as Kelly, his toughness shot through with a cowardly streak a mile wide. Corman has no time for tedious art or Big Statements, and in the process of stripping things down to a lean hour he’s way more insightful and illuminating than most of the overblown prestige gangster pics. And Cabot is a real discovery if you only know her from The Wasp Woman. Pair it with Corman’s other big Cabot vehicle, Sorority Girl also on Tubi and let the Cabot magic rip.

7. Blood Beat (1983): TUBI LINK

I avoided this for years, presuming by the title it was the usual early 80s mix of aerobics and slasher tropes. Just goes to show how wrong you can be! It’s a scrappy regional horror about a samurai ghost who kills people, but it’s also the most accurate and palpable tales of what it’s like going to your college lover’s parent’s house in the boonies over Christmas break, only to find everyone likes to go hunting (and you don’t) and the psychic (bi-polar?) mom doesn’t like you and has serious emotional problems and spends most of her time in her painting studio, having visions, and/or staring at you. With a great moody weird electronic score, vivid 70s Wisconsin naturalism, and some truly psychedelic effects, it’s a 70s film in spirit and one of those priceless examples of locally-sourced independent horror that flourished once upon a time, where it’s so different from the usual you’re like “Finally! Why can’t they all be this weird?”

8. Bride and the Beast (1958): TUBI LINK

As the thunder crashes and the taxidermy big game looks on, the post-wedding nuptials between a big game hunter and cool, soft-spoken dame (Charlotte Austin) are complicated and interrupted by his pet gorilla Spanky She and Spanky have a thing that transcends boundaries. Under hypnosis, she remembers her past-life as “queen of the gorillas!” and they’re leaving for a hunting trip in Africa the next week. Spoiler Alert – she likes it there. I love this movie so much I don’t mind that the second half is awash in stock travelogue footage. Regardless of what we’re seeing, Charlotte Austin’s narration is dreamy (she has a great purr of a voice) and the words she speaks have Ed Wood’s unique fingerprints all over them. He may not have directed, but this Woodian right down to Austin’s angora sweaters.

9. John Dies at the End (2012): TUBI LINK

Whether or not this film speaks to you will probably depend on your ever-transcended space and time with psychedelic drugs. Paul Giamatti in a cool Chinese restaurant, a dimension just like ours except it’s ruled by a tentacled Lovecraftian monster, crazy flesh-eating flies, a hotdog phone, a renowned TV psychic (Clancy Brown) and a one-handed girl who helps open a phantom door at “the Mall of the Dead” thanks to her phantom limb, and so much more. Directed by the great Don Phantasm Coscarelli (Angus Scrimm has a cameo as an evil priest), this deserves a wider cult audience than it has. I have hope the world will one day be ready.

10. The Lady in Red (1979): TUBI LINK

A lot of people ignored this on video as they confused it with The Woman in Red, a sex comedy with Gene Wilder and Kelly LeBrock. This isn’t that. I only found out the difference by accident when it showed up one late-late night HBO. I could scarcely believe how much of a blast it was. John Sayles scripted, Lewis Teague directed, it’s an imagining of the life of the moll who was with Dillinger when he was shot, but it’s so much more. Pamela Sue Martin stars; she gets her start after following a no-good man to the city from her life on the farm, seduced and abandoned, she gets a job at a garment factory and then winds up jailed in a union riot after a cop kills her communist roommate (it’s a Sayles script all right!), then sent to a jail-annexed brothel run by a scenery-chewing Louise Fletcher. Somewhere along the line she gets hip to the way things are, especially with the help of Dillinger, who teaches her to shoot and rob banks. It’s one of the better examples of what I call “libsploitation” i.e strong women fighting back against their sexual subjugation through cathartic violence,  while also showing their breasts in lots of sex scenes. That’s the Corman’s New World one-two punch!

Tubi picks (week eleven)

Man, there’s so much on Tubi. Here are ten more movies you should check out. Let me know if you’d like to contribute.

1.  Mardi Gras Massacre: TUBI LINK

One of the original video nasties, this movie is pretty much Blood Feast on Bourbon Street. If you were thinking of getting the Severin blu ray, check it out here and then order it. I have also called this movie “reprehensible trash” as a compliment.

2. Valentine: TUBI LINK

Valentine is a post-Scream slasher that feels closer to a giallo than a slasher at times, with artistic death sequences and a masked killer who wears the face of Cupid. It’s not the best slasher, but for the 2000s, it’s not the worst either.

3. Ankle Biters: TUBI LINK

This film took me by surprise and took me on a wild ride with four of the worst behaved kids since Who Can Kill a Child? or Devil Times Five. This one gets darker to a shocking degree while still being pretty hilarious.

4. Exorcist II: The Heretic: TUBI LINK

There are people who dislike this movie and make fun of it and those are the kind of people worth never talking to. Instead, we should celebrate a movie with an incredible soundtrack and a need to not be what people wanted it to be. Tell me your dream name.

5. Exorcist Vengeance: TUBI LINK

What if Charles Bronson fought Puzuzu? Well, we may never know but this is as close as we’re going to get.

6. Wax Mask: TUBI LINK

Once planned as a movie to be directed by Lucio Fulci, this movie boasts incredible effects and no small amount of gore. Directed by special effects artist Sergio Stivaletti, it’s also like if the T-800 was made in the Victorian era. You can also order this from Severin.

7. Elizabeth Harvest: TUBI LINK

Bluebeard given a futuristic twist, this film proves that giallo can survive well beyond the 70s and can be vibrant today.

8. The Golden Voyage of Sinbad: TUBI LINK

A movie made for Saturday afternoons, this is the kind of movie that helps you escape into a better world of monsters, magic and Caroline Munro.

9. My Mom’s a Werewolf: TUBI LINK

Proving the fact that I will watch any movie with John Saxon in it. It’s also the answer to the question “Did the director of Death Spa make anything else?”

Art by Paul Ainsworth http://www.paidesign.net/

10. American Ninja 2: The Confrontation: TUBI LINK

A comic book movie made with no budget and all the heart in the world as well as a body count of 87, this is everything right with action movies. All hail Firstenberg, Dudikoff, James and Cannon.

 

Tubi picks (week ten)

There’s always something new on Tubi and just so much to watch. That’s why I keep sharing what movies you could be watching. Let me know if you’d like to contribute.

1.  Manhattan Baby: TUBI LINK

It’s a mess, but it’s my mess. Manhattan Baby is not the most well-regarded of Lucio Fulci’s movies, but it’s got a lunatic kind of charm, as Susie and Tommy Hacker (Giovanni Frezza, Bob forever) gain the powers of an Egyptian amulet and end up wiping out numerous people. And they have a babysitter named Jamie Lee played by Cinzia de Ponti. There are also tons of stuffed birds, Fabio Frizzi on the soundtrack and the name Adrian Mercato is invoked.

2. Not Quite Hollywood: TUBI LINK

If you haven’t yet discovered all of the magic of Australian exploitation cinema, allow this to blow your mind. This is the kind of movie that you need to write down a list while you watch. Good thing we have a Letterboxd list for that.

3. American Ninja: TUBI LINK

Michael Dudikoff steps into the title of a film that Chuck Norris would never make and man, it all works out perfectly. There are four of these movies on Tubi right now, but you should start here and savor the joy of seeing Dudikoff and Steve James blow stuff up real good from the beginning.

4. The Wild, Wild World of Jayne Mansfield: TUBI LINK

When Dick Randall made this mondo about Jayne Mansfield, even her death wouldn’t stop the movie. That’s not her voice. It’s Carolyn De Fonseca, who you’ll know from almost every Italian dub ever.

5. Simon King of the Witches: TUBI LINK

A magician from the sewers goes against the rich and powerful. Man, this movie is just the kind of strange that only the 70s could give us, filled with strange rituals, long speeches and wild effects. An all-time favorite.

6. Val: TUBI LINK

The joy of Tubi is in finding movies that you want to share with others and being able to do so. Val is a demon — perhaps — living in a gigantic home where a criminal plans on hiding out after a caper gone bad. This movie got lost last year and I’m so glad that I can help others find it.

7. Ghosts Can’t Do It: TUBI LINK

I don’t know if there’s a bottom to the barrel, but if there can be one, this movie would be it. A film so amazingly inept that it literally hurt my brain. Anthony Quinn more than deserved better than to be in this movie. As for the one-time U.S. President in the cast, at least he didn’t throw a plate at the wall and choke someone in his scene. Actually, that would have made this better.

8. Dangerously Close: TUBI LINK

Roger Ebert said that director Albert Pyun “devoted a great deal of time and thought to how his movie looked, and almost no time at all to what, or who, it was about.” You should translate that as “This movie is fucking great.”

9. Hitcher In the Dark: TUBI LINK

What if Umberto Lenzi made a ripoff of The Hitcher but about a rich kid in an RV and it was so scummy that you felt forever unclean after watching it and would always wonder how a somewhat major star — at one point — like Josie Bissett would be in it? It happened. It’s here. You need to see it.

10. The Bride: TUBI LINK

I think about this movie every single day. How is it PG? Where did it come from? Did it melt minds when people saw it in the 70s? Is everyone in it an alien? You will become obsessed as well.