Tubi picks (week 9)

Welcome to another week of movies to watch on Tubi.  Do you have some that you’d like to share? Get in touch because I’d love to share your picks.

1.  And God Said to Cain: TUBI LINK

Less Western than a straight up Gothic horror film, with Klaus Kinski’s character nearly a ghost, continually followed by gusts of winds and tolling bells as he returns to get his bloody vengeance.

2. Aenigma: TUBI LINK

What if Lucio Fulci made his Carrie and was kind of old and tired, but still willing to do some crazy stuff? What if indeed.

3. Terror at Red Wolf Inn: TUBI LINK

This movie has many names — Terror House, Terror at Red Wolf Inn or Folks at Red Wolf Inn — but it’s a singular film that comes from another world much stranger than the boring one we’re stuck on.

4. Day of the Animals: TUBI LINK

If your day has been bad, let me tell you, this movie has Leslie Nielsen rip his shirt off, goad a bear into a fight and then get obliterated. I think about it all of the time.  A movie filled with humans losing their fucking minds and animals ready to make them bleed for it.

5. They’re Playing with Fire: TUBI LINK

I hate Eric Brown. In the 80s, he got to get naked on screen with both Sybil Danning and Sylvia Kristel. No one deserves that many good things to happen to them. Also: this movie is not based on reality at all.

6. Private Lessons: TUBI LINK

Let’s just have an Eric Brown double feature then. Let’s compound the sadness. Let’s wonder why the 80s made so many problematic movies when in truth, they made movies like this because people wanted to see them.

7. Screamers: TUBI LINK

Underwater creatures killing people, voodoo, Atlantis and Barbara Bach. Need anything else? A person turned inside out? They threw that one in for free.

8. Over the Top: TUBI LINK

Trucks. Bad dads. Loggia. Stallone. Terry Funk. The strap.

9. Heart of Midnight: TUBI LINK

An American giallo that’s not afraid to get real weird in the best of ways. Vestron released some wild stuff and this may be amongst its oddest.

10. Deathsport: TUBI LINK

Sure, it makes no sense, but it’s a motorcycle sword post-apocalyptic movie with Richard Lynch and Claudia Jennings and that’s good enough for me. It should be good enough for you too.

Tubi picks (week 8)

Welcome to another week of movies to watch on Tubi.  Do you have some that you’d like to share? Get in touch because I’d love to share your picks.

1.  Mary Mary, Bloody Mary: TUBI LINK

Juan López Moctezuma also made Alucarda, one of the most blasphemous blasts of sheer madness ever committed to celluloid. He also made this film about an American artist and drug-aided vampire murdering men throughout Mexico while avoiding the mysterious stranger that may be her father. A mix of New Hollywood, giallo and weirdness like Messiah of Evil, this is a movie I want so many more people to watch.

2. Kiliç Aslan: TUBI LINK

I often refer to movie drugs — films that make your brain feel the same doors of perception feelings as hallucinogenic drugs — and this movie is definitely one of the finest of that type. It’s also a gateway drug, because there are so many more Cüneyt Arkin movies waiting for you, but they all have sub-VHS quality and a lack of subtitles, so you may have no idea what you’re watching unless you give in to their lunatic power. AGFA did so much of the work for you here, making this look gorgeous and as easy to understand as it can be, but it’s also just the first dose — the first one is always free — and soon you’ll be hunting more of these movies down. Arkin plays a hero who loses his hands to acid, gets metallic lion claws to replace them and then kills and kills and kills. It’s the best movie you’ll ever watch.

3. Hercules: TUBI LINK

This movie is going to own you. Made for Cannon Films, directed and written by Luigi Cozzi, featuring Lou Ferrigno, Sybil Danning and a cast of Italian exploitation superstars as the gods and goddess of Mount Olympus, this is the kind of movie that puts Hercules punching a bear into space in the first ten minutes and you think, “How can they top that?” and they top it again and again. I don’t know why anyone ever made another movie after this movie, but I guess they built all those theaters and had to show something in them.

4. Ghosthouse: TUBI LINK

Umberto Lenzi in the director’s chair. Joe D’Amato producing. And the same house as Fulci’s The House by the Cemetery! Man, this movie as it all and by all I mean children stealing dolls out of coffins, ham radio conversations about Simon Le Bon and the popularity of Kim Basinger and Kelly LeBrock, a comedy relief character killed in gory fashion, a song that will get in your head and destroy your mind, maggots, severed heads and a shock ending. All hail Filmirage!

5. Bloodsport: TUBI LINK

You know, the simplest things are the best. Like take a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s the most basic of sandwiches and anyone can make one. But when you want one, that feeling, the way it tastes, the crunch mixed with the softness of the bread — there’s nothing like it. Bloodsport is a totally basic movie — karate fighter needs revenge and fights in a tournament — but so what? It non-stop wants to entertain you and doesn’t have to be based on a true story no matter what the credits tell you. It’s literaly non-stop fistfights, knowing that you just want to see bones break, people spit blood and Van Damme do a wacky spinning kick or a split or speak in an accent that is at best impenetrable. I want to watch this movie right now and eat like five peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and yell at the screen the entire time.

6. Mirror Mirror: TUBI LINK

You know how when you watch a movie and someone is goth or punk and they look too effortlessly gorgeous and like they’d have no issues fitting in? This movie — and its star Rainbow Harvest — are the opposite, with her as an authentic looking and acting outsider possessed by a mirror, which yeah is kind of dumb, but I like dumb. I would have made Rainbow Harvest a million mix tapes as a teenager and they definitely would have had “Catch” by The Cure, “I Wanted to Tell Her” by Ministry and “For Her Light” by Fields of the Nephilim on them.

7. The Halfway House: TUBI LINK

I am a simple man. If you have Mary Woronov as an evil nun and Satanism in your movie, there’s no way that I’m not going to like it. It’s completely impossible. Throw in chainsaw death, teenagers who may be years past being called that and so much sex and nudity that it can’t even be called gratuitous any longer, well…yeah you’ll like this.

8. Poltergeist III: TUBI LINK

When you watch this movie today — one that was not well thought of when it first came out — you may wonder, “How did people not like this?” Were they wrong? Or have movies become so bad — particularly horror movies — that everything in the past that wasn’t good has moved up as a result? I’d like to think that this movie just sneaks up on you, using really wild practical effects and would have been better were it not for the tragedies that it went through.

9. Death Laid an Egg: TUBI LINK

I think about this movie a lot: a science fiction giallo about a love triangle but also about a factory that has learned how to make chickens that have no heads or bones. You’re either going to love this or hate it. There is no middle.

10. House II: TUBI LINK

It’s not like House is a bad movie. It’s just that this in-name-only sequel — underline that, put it in bold and highlight it too because this is the most in-name-only sequel there has ever been — has a haunted house, cavemen, parties, a grandpa gunslinger zombie, an Aztec temple, John Ratzenberger being Indiana Jones, time travel, a caterpillar with a puppy head, Bill Maher and a crystal skull and has no interest in any of it making sense. It just flies and asks you to take the ride no questions asked.

Tubi picks (week 7 — guest writer Dustin Fallon)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dustin Fallon is the man behind Horror and Sons as well as a regular guest on the Drive-In Asylum Double Feature. It’s exciting to see what films ge recommends to watch!

Howdy, film fiends! Below are a list of 10 films currently available to watch right now on Tubi. I chose not to use the word “recommendations” in this intro as I do not actually recommend watching all of them. Hell, I don’t even like a couple of them. Let’s get to it!

1. The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939) – D: Sidney Lanfield – LINK

This early adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous tale was not the first to grace the silver screen, and some might argue that it may not even be the best, but fans of both Doyle’s work and classic film mysteries would probably be doing themselves a disservice by not giving this version a watch.

Basil Rathbone stars as the legendary Sherlock Holmes and Nigel Bruce as his partner-in-crime (solving), Dr. Watson, who are hired to protect a young heir whose descendants have all met tragic ends, allegedly at the jaws of a mythical hound that stalks the moors surrounding the family’s Devonshire estate. Holmes plays something of a secondary role this time (with Rathbone also receiving second-billing on the film) as the sleuth disappears for a sizable portion of the tale. Also, look for a young John Carradine in a smaller role as the family’s suspicious servant.

2. One Body Too Many (1944) – D: Frank McDonald – LINK

The family and associates of a recently deceased millionaire, one with a strong interest in astronomy, gather at the man’s mansion for the reading of his will, but quickly learn that they will be forced to stay there until the completion of construction on a glass-domed vault which will serve as the man’s final resting place, at which time the will shall be opened and read. This proves to be a challenge as they all dislike each other almost as much as the deceased man disliked them. However, leaving the estate will be considered a forfeiture of their share of the inheritance, while any attempt to have the man buried will result in a reversal of the will, with those who would have originally received the smallest sum now receiving the largest, and vice versa.

Enter ill-timed life insurance agent Albert Tuttle (Jack Haley, best known as The Wizard of Oz‘s “Tin Man”) who finds himself somewhat unwillingly and unwittingly thrust into the increasingly bizarre and sinister events taking place at the mansion. Horror icon Bela Lugosi co-stars as the deceased man’s butler, who spends the entire film seemingly attempting to kill off all of the houseguests with poisoned coffee. Fay Helm of Universal’s The Wolf Man and Plan 9 from Outer Space‘s Lyle Talbot also appear.

This film tends to be one of the lesser-mentioned entries from Lugosi’s career, which is a shame as it’s a highly entertaining comedic “whodunit?” with enough murder and mayhem to keep it from ever becoming dull. Highly recommended.

3. Monster on the Campus (1958) – D: Jack Arnold – LINK

The director of science fiction classics such as Creature from the Black Lagoon and It Came From Outer Space returns with a tale of a professor (Arthur Franz – Flight to Mars, Invaders from Mars) who turns into a murderous Neanderthal-like creature after being exposed to the blood of a prehistoric fish that he has exposed to gamma radiation. While I do admit a bias in considering nearly all of Universal’s ’50s-era monster films to be among the best ever produced, what helps Monster stand out is the violent and brutal nature in which the creature dispatches his victims, including one unfortunate female associate of the professor’s who is ripped to shreds before being strung up in a tree by her hair!!

Black Lagoon‘s Whit Bissel and a young Troy Donahue co-star, as do a few other Universal regulars from that era. Prolific stuntman Eddie Parker steps in as the professor’s monstrous form.

4. Track of the Vampire (1966) – D: Jack Hill, Stephanie Rothman – LINK

Roger Corman once co-produced a Yugoslavia “spy” thriller entitled “Operation: Titian”. It sucked so badly that Corman never released it. He later purchased a script for a horror film entitled Portrait in Terror, which he let Hill direct, but which also used quite a bit of footage from “Operation: Titian”. It also sucked and was unreleased. As Corman was determined to recoup some of his losses from both of these disasters, he brought in Rothman to shoot some additional scenes (changing the plot to now be about a vampire). The finished product was released to theaters in 1966 as Blood Bath and, my apologies to what fans the film may have, still sucked. At some later point in time, Corman added even more footage in order to make the film a suitable length for television distribution, where it aired under the new title of Track of the Vampire. Surprise… it still sucks.

Whatever you choose to call the film, it’s a discombobulated mish-mash of dissonant ideas and themes loosely held together by shoddy editing, massive gaps in continuation, and radically uneven performances. So, why did it make this list? Simply because Corman’s determination to make a buck by piling shit on top of shit on top of shit on top of shit is both undeniably admirable and unabashedly shameful at the same time.

As if things weren’t confusing enough, a re-edited “Operation: Titian” was distributed to television in 1968 as Portrait in Terror. God bless you, Roger!

5. Mysteries of the Gods (1977) – D: Harald Reinl, Charles Romine – LINK

Based on the works of author Erich von Däniken, this “documentary” explores the concepts of “ancient astronauts” and their alleged influence on the history of mankind. While the film attempts to present its ideas and concepts as proven facts, many of von Däniken’s theories have since been disproven or generally dismissed as total bullshit. All that said, the film and the propositions that it puts forth are still pretty fascinating and intriguing, although there is more focus on the evolution of the world’s many cultures and civilizations than there is on the modern-era phenomena of unidentified flying objects. While clearly not for all audiences, those interested in ufology may still want to give it a watch, even if what is presented should be taken with a grain of salt.

While the American theatrical release of the film featured William Shatner as a host and narrator, his presence is nowhere to be found in the version featured on Tubi… even if their listing for the film does credit him as appearing.

6. Funland (1987) – D: Michael A. Simpson – LINK

When a mob family kills a theme park owner and takes over operations, the mentally unhinged clown mascot, Bruce Burger (David L. Lander, Laverne & Shirley‘s “Squiggy”), seeks revenge, also taking aim at his replacement (Lane Davies, “Mason Capwell” of TV’s Santa Barbara) in the process. While this may sound like the premise for a psychological thriller, Funland is actually a seriously deranged black humored comedy from writers Bonnie and Terry Turner. If those names sound familiar, that’s because the married duo would go on to write for Saturday Night Live, penning the screenplays for Tommy Boy, 1993’s Coneheads film, and both Wayne’s World films. The duo would also go on to create highly successful sitcoms 3rd Rock From The Sun and That ’70s Show.

There’s much more going on in this film than what I alluded to in the previous paragraph, but trying to mention even half of it would increase the size of this article tri-fold. Released directly to video, I can’t help but feel that this film would be considered more of a “cult classic” had it been released just a few years later. Instead, it’s a generally forgotten “gem” with some whacked-out, occasionally offensive moments (in particular, one racially based sight gag that would never float in a modern-day film) that deserves a second chance at life. To Kill A Mockingbird‘s William Windom, Police Academy‘s Bruce Mahler (who horror fans will remember from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter), and the late Jan Hooks (SNL, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure) co-star, as do a few other faces you may recognize.

7. Project: Metalbeast (1995) – D: Alessandro De Gaetano – LINK

If, back in 1990, you would have told 13/14-year-old me about a movie that featured Kane Hodder as a metallic werewolf, I most assuredly would have spent every weekend at my local video stores, hounding them repeatedly to ensure that they brought in a VHS copy so that I could rent it the second it arrived. Unfortunately, Project: Metalbeast was not released until 1995, and by that point my 18/19 year-old-self was much more preoccupied with other interests… namely sex and weed.

The film undoubtedly does not live up to my pre-pubescent expectations (or my modern-day ones, for that matter), featuring far too much dialog and not enough monster carnage. While the opening sequence sets things off on the right foot and showcases some decent creature design, the final manifestation of our creature doesn’t appear until late in the film and looks more like a chromed-out Sonic the Hedgehog that took more HGH than Mark McGwire than it does a werewolf. That said, the film is far from what I would call “awful” and features a rather fun, hammy performance from Barry Bostwick as the corrupt Colonel in charge of the project.

8. The Dead Hate the Living (2000) – D: Dave Parker – LINK

The cast and crew of a low-budget horror film find what appears to be a highly ornate coffin in the boiler room of the abandoned hospital in which they are filming and decide to make it part of their film. You know, even if there is a fairly fresh corpse inside of it. Little do they know that the dead man is actually a necromancer and the coffin a doorway to a world of evil dead (or undead) humanoids.

This production from Charles Band’s Full Moon Features came a few years after the company lost its distribution deal with Paramount, which (as long time and/or former fans will readily tell you) was when the budgets and quality of their films started taking a steady nosedive into the crapper. While the company still has a few fans of the generally puppet-rampant shit that they have released over the last 2+ decades, The Dead Hate the Living may be the last Full Moon film with any “heart” (although I do admit to enjoying The GingerDead Man II)… and I don’t mean the kind ripped from someone’s chest.

The film does feature occasionally hokey special effects and more than a couple uneven performances, but still serves as a sincere tribute to horror fandom. There are quite a few references to other horror films and directors that hardcore genre fans should appreciate, and I’m not talking about the mainstream-friendly “nods” that one might find in the Scream franchise. The late Matt McGrory (House of 1,000 Corpses) and Sharknado series director, Anthony C. Ferrante, appear in smaller roles.

9. Alien Implant (2017) – D: Daniel Falicki – LINK

The traumatized survivor of an alien abduction takes to a reclusive life in the wilderness, where she begins luring out and hunting down the aliens that experimented on her. This ultra low-budget science fiction flick features some truly unimpressive alien costumes, but stands out from the pack of similar themed films due to a surprisingly strong performance from its lead actress (in a film with minimal cast), as well as a fairly unique approach to its topic.

I covered this film on my own site in late 2021, and while I can’t say that it doesn’t have its share of flaws, it definitely made an impression on me with its individuality. Like most of the films that I’ve included on this list, it’s clearly not one that will win over or impress all audiences, but if you are interested in learning more, here’s the link to my site’s review. Alien Implant (2017) – Movie Review

10. Amityville Island (2020) – D: Mark Polonia – LINK

Truth be told, I didn’t even watch this movie. I watched the trailer and decided that I had seen more than enough. In fact, I wouldn’t dare recommend that others watch it either. So, why did a film that looks this wretched make this list? To teach a somewhat motivational lesson to those who dream of making their own film one day. That lesson? You might not be able to make a great film, or even a good one… but ANYONE can make an Amityville flick. Hell, it doesn’t even have to relate to the original Amityville Horror tale in the slightest, so long as you use the word “Amityville” somewhere in the script.

Fun fact: Another 12 low-budget Amityville films have been released in the time it took me to write this entry.

Ten Tubi picks (week 6)

It’s week 6 of our Tubi picks. Need something to watch? This week, like every week, here are ten movies to check out. Want to share your picks? Let me know in the comments?

1. Hardbodies: TUBI LINK

Thanks to Tubi, you can turn this on at 11:55 pm on Friday and pretend that it’s Cinemax and you’re getting away with something. Are you ready for the BBD (Bigger and Better Deal) to change your life?

2. Strip Nude for Your Killer: TUBI LINK

Is this the scummiest week of Tubi picks ever? Look, I’m driving this sleaze bus and you’re locked inside, so sit down and stay on this side of the white line. When a movie starts with a fashion model’s illegal abortion being covered up as a drowning and ends with the heroine being offered tradesman’s entrance love from the hero — not that great of one — of the movie, you know that it was directed and written by Andrea Bianchi, someone who made other giallo directors say, “Mi fa cagare!”

3. Angel: TUBI LINK

Student by day. Streetwalker by night. You’ll never want to run away from home again, because the Sunset Strip that Angel steps out on is covered in blood. Actually, you totally will want to run away from home after seeing this and hang out with fun weird people and dress fabulously.

4. The Tough Ones: TUBI LINK

Rome is about to explode and a hunchbacked lunatic is the one setting fire to the fuse. Umberto Lenzi didn’t make anything halfway and this movie is a great example of him at the very height of his violent powers.

5. Picasso Trigger: TUBI

None of the good guys can shoot a gun to save their lives, there’s a cane that shoots both shotgun and mortar rounds, exploding boomerangs and RC cars, as well as more showers than anyone has ever taken in 99 minutes. Killing is an art form and Andy Sidaris perfected it.

6. Enter the Devil (The Eerie Midnight Horror Show): TUBI

Someone — Satan? — challenged director Mario Gariazzo to make a movie that was the absolute most filth-ridden possession movie ever and he overachieved. Mothers get beat with rose bushes while their daughters sneak watch them, the devil promises youth if the heroine seduces a priest and a statue literally gets down off its crucifix to make unholy whoopee with said lead. It’s the movie that Becca said — more than once — “Why are you watching this absolute piece of shit?” to me and saw the absolute smile on my face. Black tar Italian movie drugs.

7. The Nightmare Never Ends: TUBI LINK

You’d think one of the full movies from Night Train to Terror would make more sense when it isn’t edited down into a shorter version, right? Wrong. This is pure bullshit madness. Richard Moll gets the Nobel Prize for saying God is dead. Cameron Mitchell is a cop. Marc Lawrence is a concentration camp survivor. The officer who ruined his life is a demon who never dies. A disgraced priest battles a succubus. And then there’s disco. 666 out of 5 stars, can have and will watch it again.

8. Venus In Furs: TUBI LINK

Jess Franco is the most dangerous of movie drugs, making endlessly similar movies that when viewed in the right mind state achieve near murderdrone levels of nothingness balanced with zooms into anatomy that challenge your sanity while blaring synth seems to drift in the ether like a Spanish fog. Jazz cigarettes. Venus in furs is rising, baby.

9. Master of the Flying Guillotine: TUBI LINK

The One-Armed Boxer thought it was over. No, when he killed the students of Fung Sheng Wu Chui, the master of the weapon right there in the title. Bloody violence ensures, scored by totally stolen tracks by Tangerine Dream, Neu! and Kraftwerk. Never watched a martial arts movie before? This one will get you started.

10. Don’t Torture a Duckling: TUBI LINK

As much as I celebrate the gore of Lucio Fulci, I find it a sadness that he is not more well-known and considered for his movies made before the 1980s. This pre-Argento giallo is in my top five films of the genre, a scandalous blast against religion, small minds and herd mentality set far from the modern streets of Rome. Barbara Bouchet makes a claim to be the giallo queen here. You won’t even care about the very obvious wooden dummy that makes an appearance.

To see our past Tubi picks, check out our Letterboxd list.

Ten Tubi picks (week 5)

It’s week 5 of our Tubi picks. Yes, there’s so much to watch on this amazing free app and I’m ready to help you find the weirdest stuff on it.

Here are ten more picks. Want to share yours with me? Just reply below.

1. Tokyo Gore Police: TUBI LINK

Bring an umbrella, don’t eat before and watch your eyeballs: this movie is literally under blood there’s so much gore. I mean, it’s the film’s middle name! Eihi Shiina is most gorgeous person you’ve ever seen with a giant lobster claw hand and glowing cybernetic eye and if she has to chop up every monster in Japan, she’s going to get it done.

2. Bad Channels: TUBI LINK

Full Moon didn’t used to make bad movies. They once made deranged movies about aliens, all night polka marathons, miniaturized people and music videos. Bonus for letting Blue Oyster Cult do most of the music. Becca says, “It’s wonderfully weird.”

3. The Sister of Ursula: TUBI LINK

Ursula (Barbara Magnolfi, Suspiria) and Dagmar (Stefania D’Amario, Zombie) decide to escape to the seaside resort town Amalfi which is filked with the wrong guys, the wrong girls, the wrong couples and a killer who tears people apart with the biggest member this side of Incubus.

4. Firecracker: TUBI LINK

Jillian Kesner from Raw Force battles and beds Darby Hintor from Malibu Express in a movie where people watch battles to the death as dinner theater. It’s made by Cirio H. Santiago, it’s a video nasty and it’s incredible.

5. My Name Is Nobody: TUBI LINK

Jack Beauregard (Henry Fonda) is a gunslinger who wants to retire. Nobody (Terence Hill) dreams of being better than Beauregard and plans on taking out all 150 members of Geoffrey Lewis’ gang. This is one of my favorite Italian westerns and a great introduction to Hill if you’ve never seen him before.

6. Night Killer: TUBI LINK

How did this get to be five weeks of a continued article on this site and I didn’t bring up this movie? Oh man. I’m not warning you. Just get ready to get destroyed by this one.

7. Death Drop Gorgeous: TUBI LINK

Prepare yourself for a slasher world that we haven’t seen nearly ever: a campy, gay-positive glitter, makeup neon and booze and gore-filled saga that never lets up.

8. Powaqqatsi: TUBI LINK

Directed by Godfrey Reggio, Powaqqatsi is the sequel to Reggio’s Koyaanisqatsi and the second film in the Qatsi trilogy. This is one of the few, if only, Cannon movies in the Criterion Collection. It’s also the only Golan and Globus released film with a Phillip Glass soundtrack.

9. Backtrack: TUBI LINK

Dennis Hopper directed this movie but let it get the Alan Smithee name because he wasn’t happy with it, but let me tell you, it’s seriously out there in the way that only he could make it. I tend to give Hopper way more credit than most but it also has Vincent Price and a subplot about installation art and advertising.

10. Grave Robbers: TUBI LINK

Satanic axe murderer gets reborn and wipes out a whole bunch of kids and makes me go nuts every time I watch this movie, because it’s like Ruben Galindo Jr. watched five hundred Mexican movies while mainlining some kid’s hyperactivity pills and then forced all of his friends to make whatever was inside his head. It’s even better than that.

If you’re looking for more movies on Tubi, click on our Letterboxd list. You can also send us your picks and we’ll share on the site.

Ten Tubi picks (week 4)

Tubi is filled with so many movies, it can sometimes be rough to pick what to watch.

I’m here to help.

Here are ten more picks. Want to share yours with me? Just reply below.

Click on any of the film’s titles to read a more in-depth discussion of the movie.

1. Phenomena: TUBI LINK

If you haven’t watched this movie, you need to fix that now. It’s an absolutely astonishing mix of giallo, science fiction, true crime and, well, a chimp. It also contains one of director Dario Argento’s most honest revelations about his life. I literally could, can, do and will discuss this movie at length any time I’m given the opportunity to do so, a film so wonderful and strange and dangerous — Jennifer Connelly nearly lost a finger to said chimp — and so rewatchable.

2. Monster Dog: TUBI LINK

The first thing Alice Cooper did when he got out of rehab? It wasn’t record “The Ballad of Dwight Fry.” It was to make a movie with Claudio Fragasso.

3. Out of the Dark: TUBI LINK

The girls of Suite Nothings — a phone sex line — are being killed by a clown-masked killer. Sure, you’ve seen movies like this before, but have you seen them with Karen Witter, Paul Bartel, Divine not in drag, Karen Black, Tracey Walter, Silvana Gallard, Tab Cort, Geoffrey Lewis and Karen Mayo-Chandler. There’s also an astounding bring the house down moment when one caller begins loudly repeating “No one can handle nipples better than Bobo!” I’ve seen just about every 90s erotic thriller — Americanized giallo — and this is one of the better ones.

4. Malibu Express: TUBI LINK

It’s a struggle not to just list ten Andy Sidaris movies here every week. So let me share one of the best ones, starring not just Darby Hinton but Sybil Danning. A gender swapped remake of Sidaris’ 1973 film Stacey, the very mention of the words Malibu Express were enough to nuke the minds of young boys struggling through puberty. How were we to be able to handle Contessa Luciana when even Cody Abilene struggled?

5. Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo: TUBI LINK

There are a lot of people online who like to look down on the films of Cannon. That’s fine — Golan and Globus don’t need defending from small-minded cretins. Those fools need only to watch this Sam Firstenberg-directed blast of joy to be converted.

6. Bloody Moon: TUBI LINK

Jess Franco got hired to make a slasher, but he couldn’t help himself but make a Jess Franco movie with incest, roller disco, gorgeous women and, yes, a saw blade tearing a woman apart. You can take the boy out of the gutter, but you cannot remove the sleaze from his heart. I still think about the fact that the producers convinced Franco that Pink Floyd was going to do the soundtrack.

7. Contraband: TUBI LINK

Lucio Fulci made one cop and crook movie. The budget ran out two weeks in and real mobsters paid for the film, asking for a title change and more violence. Did they think Fulci was going to say no?

8. Keoma: TUBI LINK

Directed by Enzo G. Castellari and written by George Eastman, Keoma begins with Franco Nero returning home from war to a town where even his brothers have turned to evil, a plague runs loose and a ghostly woman follows his every move. It’s a supernatural-ish western with great songs by Oliver Onions and one of the Italian tales of the west that I feel is most underseen.

9. Evil Toons: TUBI LINK

Well, it is Fred Olen Ray week on the site. You could do worse — Monique Gabrielle, Barbara Dare, Suzanne Ager, forever crush object Madison Stone, Arte Johnson, David Carradine, Dick Miller, Michelle Bauer and a cast of, well, evil cartoons star in a film that even Roger Corman said couldn’t be made for the budget.

10. Tulpa: TUBI LINK

A woman visits the club Tulpa, which unlocks the hidden side of her libido that improves her self-confidence, except the bad side is everyone she has slept with soon dies a violent death. A modern giallo, this was written by director Federico Zampaglione, Giacomo Gensini and Dardano Sacchetti, the master who wrote every Italian movie worth anything.

If you’re looking for more movies on Tubi, click on our Letterboxd list.

Ten Tubi picks of the week (week 3)

What have you been watching on Tubi? Here are ten more picks. Want to share yours with me? Just reply below.

1. Red Nights: TUBI LINK

A modern giallo that isn’t just copying camera angles and colors, this film somehow brings together films like Olga and Ilsa with the work of Argento and Martino. It also features a green weapon that unleashes a mixture of pain and pleasure in those it victimizes.

2. Even the Wind Is Afraid: TUBI LINK

A nightmare tower and a haunted school are part of this gothic-infused Mexican horror film that predates Suspiria by nearly a decade.

3. Conquest: TUBI LINK

So much fog. Fulci makes his barbarian movie and the results are wild, as if that smoke is all coming from a magical bong that shoots lasers every time you exhale long plumes of multicolored fumes. This is every heavy metal album cover come to life, a world where heroes bear the mark of The Beyond and sharks don’t fight zombies, but dolphins save men with stone nunchucks.

4. Howling II: TUBI LINK

You can say that this movie is stupid. I don’t care. It’s a werewolf movie with Christopher Lee and Sybil Danning where wolves dance at punk rock discos. That’s all it needs.

5. Vice Academy: TUBI LINK

Police Academy ripoff with Ginger Lynn and Linnea Quigley. I don’t think I can write anything else to sell this movie any more than that sentence.

6. Angel 2: Avenging Angel: TUBI LINK

If this week’s picks are feeling like Cinemax on a Friday night in 1987, that’s because I’m writing this at 3 AM on a Friday and may be wishing I was 15 again. There are four movies about Angel, none of them really play off the other and the first three are all pretty good, if not great. This one somehow is even better than the first.

7. The Mummy Theme ParkTUBI LINK

You’re either going to love or hate me for recommending this. It’s a movie that at once has the best and worst special effects and tells the story of, you know, a mummy theme park. It also proves that the only thing that can slow a mummy down are big breasts.

8. Neon Maniacs: TUBI LINK

In another better reality, people cared about this movie. Just imagine — a place where you can buy action figures of the Neon Maniacs. Let’s make this come true.

9. The Majorettes: TUBI LINK

One of Becca’s favorite things to do is to get me to talk about Pittsburgh and how much I love it. I usually start crying in a few minutes because I’m so much in love with this place. That’s probably why I love this movie so much.

10. The Child: TUBI LINK

Tonight, I was looking through movies and thought, “I live in a world where Harry Novak produced The Child.” That made me feel alright.

You can see all of the past weeks of Tubi picks on the Letterboxd list.

Ten Tubi picks of the week (week 2)

Tubi can be overwhelming. Allow me to help you find ten movies every week that I think are worth your time. If you have some that you’d like to share, get in touch. I’d love to feature your picks.

1.  Mannaja: A Man Called Blade: TUBI LINK

Blade is a bounty hunter in the Italian Wild West years after the genre has died off, yet Sergio Martino infuses this movie with a horror element and near Conquest level fog to make it one of the weirder cowboy movies you’ll watch. Throw in a prog soundtrack by Oliver Onions for extra bonus coolness.

2. Arabella: Black Angel: TUBI LINK

I love Tubi for the same reason I once loved budget DVD sets sold at brick and mortar stores. They offer a way for truly deranged movies to get seen by people who would never track them down. Right now, an unsuspecting viewer is about to see Arabella and her impotent wheelchair-trapped husband fix their marriage by smashing a cop in the head with a hammer, then making sweet married love right next to his twitching corpse.

3. 10 to Midnight: TUBI LINK

Bronson at his most deranged, aided and abetted and egged on perhaps by an even more lunatic J. Lee Thompson, who pushes the man in a scene where he shoves a sex toy in a criminal’s face and barks “You know what this is for, Warren? It’s for jacking off!” Bleak doesn’t even describe this one. You should probably know that every one of these lists is going to have a Bronson movie on them.

4. Amityville: Mt. Misery Road TUBI LINK

I’ve watched more than thirty Amityville movies, most of which are on Tubi and all of which are on this ever updated list. This one — shot on an iPhone for what had to cost $17 — still baffles me because I’ve watched it so many times that Becca and I can quote it back and forth. Somehow, even after the review, the two-person team that made the film — Chuck and Karolina Morrongiello — consented to this interview which is one of the most meta experiences of my life, because they were extraordinarily kind and I also got to ask burning questions about a movie that may only be obsessed over by two people, Becca and myself. Maybe you too. Maybe I am trying to infect you with a curse by making you watch this.

5. Edge of the Axe TUBI LINK

José Ramón Larraz started his career making movies that mixed sex, art and horror like SymptomsVampyres and The House That Vanished, but by the late 80s he was stuck making direct to VHS slashers. That said, this one combines the slasher that I adore with other things I love, like computers that at once look obsolete and yet do things no computer can do today along with a movie where the exteriors are in California and the interiors are in Spain. Also this has a car wash kill at the beginning that is better than anything else that follows it.

6. Cannibal Ferox AKA Make Them Die Slowly: TUBI LINK

Umberto Lenzi must have taken Ruggero Deodato taking his cannibal king title away seriously. What followed was a movie that seems to want to destroy you and any lack of numbness that you have as a viewer. I can’t claim to love all of this — animal violence is one of my big head turning moments — but I can’t deny Lenzi as a filmmaker.

7. Bach Ke Zara: TUBI LINK

What if Evil Dead moved out of the woods of Michigan and found its way to India? Would you be ready for it? You better be, because this movie exists, it’s on Tubi and I just gave you the link.

8. Sorceress: TUBI LINK

Leigh and Lynette Harris play twin sisters who battle a giant woman’s head with the help of a flying lion and man, Jack Hill took his name off this as director because Corman wouldn’t pay for Sid Haig to be in it. If Tubi is our mom and pop video store, this movie has a big clamshell calling your name.

9. Invasion U.S.A.: TUBI LINK

I wish that Joe Zito and Chuck Norris never had a falling out because this movie needed so many sequels. I also feel like Richard Lynch is the dark side of William Smith in my world and all movies need more William Smith and Richard Lynch. This is the best movie ever inspired by Reader’s Digest.

10. Voyage of the Rock AliensTUBI LINK

Could they make a musical about aliens, rock and roll and have Michael Berryman play a slasher killer? They could. They did. This is why Tubi is astounding because you can’t get this on blu ray but can watch it right now.

Ten Tubi picks of the week (week 1)

I was discussing Tubi with Bradley Steele Harding this morning and we were just stunned by how many movies are available, all in one place, with just a few commercials to deal with to find some movies that had — until now — been somewhat difficult to find.

The only problem?

There’s just so much!

This conversation made me think: what if I picked ten movies on Tubi that I’d recommend? And here it is! Once a week, I’ll be sharing links and quick write-ups of some films on the service — sometimes all in one genre, often just whatever I am watching.

Are you interested in sharing your list? Let me know!

1. Devil Story: TUBI LINK 

My summary of this movie will make you say, “That’s not a real movie.” Here goes nothing: A mutant killer in an SS uniform is wandering the countryside while a couple’s car breaks down and leads them to a castle that looks over a pirate ship wrecked into the rocks, all while they’re watched by the mutant’s mother, a gypsy who lives with a mummy. Also: a horse that’s either possessed by the devil or Satan himself.

2. Cemetery of Terror: TUBI LINK

Directed by Rubén Galindo Jr., this movie is like mixing up Evil Dead, Halloween, the video for “Thriller” and Scooby-Doo all with tons of gore. It’s like the lost horror rental you never saw from a country you’ve never been to.

3. The Lost Empire: TUBI LINK

What if Russ Meyer directed Enter the Dragon? This is a movie that I want more people to obsess over, with three gorgeous women — Raven La Croix, Angela Aames and Melanie Vincz — battling Angus Scrimm.

4. Too Beautiful to Die: TUBI LINK

A fashion agency is shooting videos that feel very BDSM and feature really long, intricate daggers, all while making videos for Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Warriors of the Wasteland.” We all need more late 80s giallo in our life.

5. Party Line: TUBI LINK

All hail absolute junk! The most 1988 movie that I have ever seen, this is Cinemax After Dark semi-sleaze mixed with Leif Garrett, a slasher and even giallo-esque elements all with the gimmick of sex talk party lines, which before the interest used to dominate late night airwaves. This movie wants to use you and not even leave a note.

6. Mr. Majestyk: TUBI LINK

All Bronson wants to do is grow his watermelons. People get in his way. People get killed. Man, I could watch Bronson do just about anything and be happy.

7. Season of the Witch: TUBI LINK

Isn’t it incredible that we can just instantly watch this George Romero movie — once nearly lost at worst and hard to find at best — as easily as pressing a button on our remote? This is straight-up Yinzer GialloA Lizard In a Woman’s Skin if it was set in North Versailles.

8. Hard Ticket to Hawaii: TUBI LINK

There are so many Andy Sidaris choices on Tubi. For those who haven’t stepped into his world, this would be a good start, as it’s a deranged film filled with inflatable love doll bombs, radioactive toilet snakes and gorgeous men and women. Get into it! Killing is an art form!

9. Django the Bastard: TUBI LINK

The best Django sequels are the ones that push the story as far as it can go. Like this one, where Django is a dead man come back to set the scales of justice back where they need to be. This is more horror than western and all the better for that.

10. BatwomanTUBI LINK

Rene Cardona kept trying to make the same movie until he got it right: fabulous wrestling women, grotesque monsters, lots of real surgery scenes, lucha libre matches and a nonsenical plot to try and make it all work. Guess what? It always works.