Tubi picks 29

Tubi picks are back. There’s so much on this streaming channel and it’s my duty to tell you the weird stuff.

1. Rondo and Bob: TUBI LINK

A wonderful documentary about Robert A. Burns and his connection to Rondo Hatton and what he did for filmmaking.

2. Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I have the Key: TUBI LINK

Has a movie ever had a better title and then more than was better than the title?

3. Meridian: TUBI LINK

Consider this Full Moon After Dark. Sexy monsters, people.

4. Spellcaster: TUBI LINK

Adam Ant and Bunty Bailey running around in Charles Band’s castle. What else do you want?

5. Magic Spot: TUBI LINK

A wonderful documentary about Robert A. Burns and his connection to Rondo Hatton and what he did Most time travel movies upset me because they set up a logic and then step all over that logic. In Magic Spot, Farley and Charles Roxburgh have created a movie that works on whatever level you want to watch it: as a Motern Media fan, as a lover of indie film, as someone looking for a romantic comedy, as a time travel story and so on. It’s also got some of the best songs I’ve heard in their movies.

6. El Escapulario: TUBI LINK

This movie looks beyond gorgeous, even as it shows scenes of condemned and hung men swinging after their deaths. Somehow uniting multiple genre and countries of cinema, as well as being folk horror by way of Mexican Catholicism, this movie finds death everywhere and still finds a reason to smile (and by frightened at the same time).

7. Vacation of Terror: TUBI LINK

This movie has it all. Bleeding walls, refrigerators teeming with rats and no small amount of snakes and spiders. It also has Julio, the affable teen who hopes to save the family and the babysitter that he is in love with.

8. The AGFA Horror Trailer Show: TUBI LINK

Unleashed from the dungeon of the American Genre Film Archive (AGFA), this is a compilation of some of the wildest, most insane trailers they could find. Trust me, I have so many trailer compilations and this one even surprised me with some of its entries.

9. Libido: TUBI LINK

When he was just a boy, Christian (Giancarlo Gianni, Black Belly of the Tarantula) watched his father kill a woman and then himself. Now he’s come back to the house where it all happened along with his wife Helene. The only others there are Paul (Luciano Pigozzi, who we all know was Pag in Yor Hunter from the Future) and his wife Brigitte (writer and direct Ernesto Gastaldi’s wife Mara Meryl). Also probably where Argento got the doll in Deep Red from.

10. 13 Tracks to Frighten Agatha Black: TUBI LINK

A stunning mix of giallo and early 70s regional horror influences combined with the horror of Halloween sound effects records to document a young woman perhaps losing her sanity.

Tubi picks 28 (Holiday Heck)

Looking for something to watch with your family over this week of seasonal fun? You came to the wrong place. These Tubi Christmas movies are for Yuletide yahoos only.

1. Don’t Open Till Christmas: TUBI LINK

Absolute filth, horrible filmmaking, bad acting, a story that makes no sense and a top billed Caroline Munro who is in this for about forty seconds. I watch this every season.

2. Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker: TUBI LINK

The best or the strangest of the Silent Night, Deadly Night series, this movie is just insane. A Pinocchio movie about evil gifts and bad marriages? Yes. Oh yes.

3. Santa Claus: TUBI LINK

A magical Mexican reimagining of Christmas or a movie made by a crazy Rene Cardonna who had no idea of the story of Santa? Tell me, please.

4. I Believe In Santa Claus: TUBI LINK

This is my favorite holiday movie and I know the words to all of the songs. You’re going to hate it.

5. The Magic Christmas Tree: TUBI LINK

Much like The Wizard of Oz, The Magic Christmas Tree thinks that reality is in black and white while dreams are in color. Both films have a witch. Both movies have wishes. But only one of them had a budget. And only one of them is a classic beloved by families for generations.

6. Silent Night, Bloody Night: TUBI LINK

Do you want a holiday movie that starts with a man on fire dying in the snow? You got it.

7. Tales from the Crypt: TUBI LINK

Christmas can’t start until Joan Collins is dead. Oh poor Joan.

8. Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny: TUBI LINK

No movie has ever hurt my head more. Seriously, this movie is all the drugs at once.


Created by the trio of Franck Khalfoun, Alexandre Aja and Grégory Levasseur — who also worked together on the 2006 remake of The Hills Have Eyes —  P2 is about working through the holidays, struggling for meaning and losing yourself in your work identity. It’s also about a lone girl trying to survive being kidnapped in the underground garage that gives the movie its title.

10. Saving Christmas: TUBI LINK

This was not a movie made for me. I also don’t think it was made for Christians. I think it was made for Kirk, his family and close multiethnic friends. Things just got out of hand and it ended up being released in theaters and they had to go along with it.

Happy holidays. I hope these movies find you in health and happiness.

Tubi picks 27

A little late, but here are some movies to watch on Tubi:

1. Zombie Death House: TUBI LINK

Zombies. The mob. And directed by John Saxon. Ah, Tubi you give so much.

2. Play Dead: TUBI LINK

Yvonne Decarlo plays Hester, a wealthy heiress who was jilted years ago when her boyfriend married her sister. Now, she’s out to not only get them, but their children too. And she has a 200-pound Rottweiler ready to make it happen.

3. Dressed to Kill: TUBI LINK

American giallo. Dressed to Kill is DePalma at the top of his power.

4. Tammy and the T-Rex: TUBI LINK

Don’t spoil this if you haven’t seen it. Go in cold and get ready to lose your brain.

5. Boardinghouse: TUBI LINK

The first horror film in history to be shot on video, Boardinghouse is…well…there really isn’t anything else like Boardinghouse. Somehow, this movie seems at once ten minutes and ten hours long, taking you on a journey into — man, I have no idea how we got here ot where we’ve been, but we really went somewhere.

6. Beyond the Seventh Door: TUBI LINK

What if Indiana Jones was in a movie made by David Lynch with little to no budget, shot like a TV movie and with a virtual unknown in the lead instead of Harrison Ford. Now, ingest as many drugs as you can find in your home. There — you have a small idea of what this movie is like.

7. Shanty Tramp: TUBI LINK

A small-town Southern white prostitute has to decide between her lust for a black man and a sleazy revival-tent preacher.

8. Freddy Got Fingered: TUBI LINK

How many movies are you going to see where the lead cuts open roadkill to get inside it as if it were a tauntaun or delivers a baby by twirling it over his head?

9. Howl from Beyond the Fog: TUBI LINK

Inspired by Ray Bradbury’s “The Fog Horn,” which was also made as The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, this movie features a creature called Nebula, which was designed by Keizo Murase, who has sculpted everything from VaranMothraMatangoGameraYongary and numerous appearances of Godzilla. He’s still working, getting ready to direct a movie called Brush of the God about a magical brush that can save reality. It’s the first movie he’s ever directed and he’s had the idea ever since he worked on The MIghty Peking Man.

10. RoboCop 3: TUBI LINK

RoboCop 3 presents an astounding and completely science fiction conceit: a robot police officer built by a corporation decides to stop serving the interests of law, order and the establishment and throws in with a bunch of homeless multicultural people. Read this line and get it: RoboCop gets shot by a bunch of white supremacist cops, realizes ACAB, gets a jetpack and fights robot ninjas. Obviously, this movie is amazing.

Tubi picks 26: Albert Pyun

The world lost someone who truly loved film this week. Albert Pyun started his career getting to work in Japanese film thanks to actor Toshiro Mifune and worked on a TV series with him, which allowed him to study with Akira Kurosawa’s Director of Photography Takao Saito. After working in advertising, Pyun made it to Los Angeles where he started to direct films. Sure, he made direct to video and genre films, but even when his movies were made on the absolute cheap, there was a genius to each of them.

I’ll be going deeper into his films in the future but until then, here are a few of the many Albert Pyun movies on Tubi:

1. Cyborg: TUBI LINK

A post-apocalyptic JCVD movie where every character is named for a guitar, made on the abandoned sets of the never-made sequel to Masters of the Universe. Another day at the office for Pyun.

2. The Sword and the Sorcerer: TUBI LINK

Pyun’s first film — and his highest box office as well — has Richard Lynch, Richard Moll, Lee Horsely, Simon MacCorkingdale and a triple-bladed sword. It’s even better than it sounds.

3. Nemesis: TUBI LINK

Pyun once said, “”I have really no interest in cyborgs. And I’ve never really had any interest in post-apocalyptic stories or settings. It just seemed that those situations presented a way for me to make movies with very little money, and to explore ideas that I really wanted to explore…”

But yeah, he made a lot of movies about cyborgs.

4. Arcade: TUBI LINK

It’s like Full Moon wanted a Tron of their own and didn’t think Disney would sue. Well, they did. The movie is still pretty fun and has a wild cast and an early story by David Goyer.

5. Dollman: TUBI LINK

Tim Thomerson is so awesome that he got two different Full Moon characters: Jack Deth and Brick Bardo, who is also known as Dollman. Pyun was so good at comic book-style movies that eventually, he’d get to make one of his own: Captain America.

6. Vicious Lips: TUBI LINK

The Vicious Lips are trying to become the biggest rock band in the galaxy. Made up of Bree Synn (Gina Calabrese, The Dungeonmaster), Wynzi Krodo (Linda Kerridge, Marilyn from Fade to Black!) and Mandaa UUeu (Shayne Farris, who was also in Down Twisted with Kerridge), they’ve just lost their lead singer Ace to, well, death and need to get to a gig across the universe. It’s not perfect but it has a great idea behind it.

7. Journey to the Center of the Earth: TUBI LINK

An absolute mess that was saved by Pyun, who made this movie with zero budget and somehow turned out something. I’m not saying that it’s good, but it is something. I wonder how Pyun got Emo Philips to even be in this.

8. Dangerously Close: TUBI LINK

I love this movie. It’s so odd because the town where it takes place is perfect and yet has more fog than any place in California other than the Sunset Strip. It’s my favorite movie Pyun did and more people need to see it.

9. Bloodmatch: TUBI LINK

Only Pyun could turn a kung fu direct to video film into a noir whodunnit. And here it is.

10. Omega Doom: TUBI LINK

This description should tell you why you need to see this: “In a future Earth where robots rule, a bad robot whose hard drive was destroyed tries to stop a droid civil war in order to find a stash of weapons.” Also: Rutger Hauer and Shannon Whirry are in it.

TUBI picks 25

Better late than never, I guess, when it comes to this week’s Tubi picks.

You can catch up with all of the past weeks on this Letterboxd list.

1.  Midnight: TUBI LINK

Lynn Redgrave is Elvira in a movie made by the director of The Black Room in a murder mystery that has Frank Gorshin and Wolfman Jack.

2. Little Red Riding Hood and the Monsters: TUBI LINK

Little Red Riding Hood (Maria Gracia) and Tom Thumb (Cesáreo Quezadas, also known as Pulgarcito) aren’t content to live out the fairy tales that we know them from (or in Tom Thumb’s case, being a member of P.T. Barnum’s circus). No, they seek out and battle the La Reina Bruja — the Queen Witch — who has an army full of monsters. This movie is going to destroy you.

3. Delirium: TUBI LINK

A vet is hired by right-wingers to clean up the streets from crooks and homeless people, but when he starts killing everyone, things get out of hand in this video nasty.

4. The Theater Bizarre: TUBI LINK

A co-production between Severin Films and Metaluna Productions, each director was given the same budget, schedule and narrative directive. Other than that, they were given free rein to create their own story. The results may not be even, but you can tell that this was made by filmmakers who understand that a horror anthology can be a very powerful movie.

5. Santa Claus: TUBI LINK

This movie has so many insane ideas, it’s difficult to summarize them. From learning that demons primarily eat hot coals to the fact that every child that works for Santa must wear a racist costume that denotes their country of origin (all Japanese children wear kimonos, all Americans are cowboys), this is a movie brimming with barely concealed menace. Watch it immediately.

6. Kristy: TUBI LINK

Thanksgiving may be over but this slasher is so good you can watch it any time of the year.

7. A Cat In the Brain: TUBI LINK

Lucio Fulci has made too many movies and has lost his mind, using the effects of the movies he lent his name to illustrate his psychosis. At the January 1996 Fangoria Horror Convention in New York City, he would appear on crutches with a bandaged foot, two months before death, and proclaim that Wes Craven stole this idea. You go, ranting crazy maestro.

8. The Living Dead Girl: TUBI LINK

Jess Franco presents a story of love, blood drinking, setting photographers on fire and mildew-ridden castles, all set in a world where everyone — even you — is on drugs.

9. Godmonster of Indian Flats: TUBI LINK

Frederic Hobbs was an artist who went from the traditional to a whole way of presenting art, creating parade sculptures that took art from the museum to the people. That’s when he figured it out — to get the people to see something as art, you should hide it in a film. He made this movie, Roseland and Alabama’s Ghost; I can definitely say each of those movies are fucking insane.

10. Nightbeast: TUBI LINK

At the same time John Waters was making people puke on one side of Baltimore, Don Doehler was doing the same. One made strange comedies; the other made low budget science fiction and horror. Both loved film. Get into this one!



What’s on Tubi? A lot. Let’s find what’s good this week.

1.  Curse of the Crimson Altar: TUBI LINK

Barbara Steele leads wild orgies of death and psychedelic mayhem.  I mean, is there anything else worth your time in this world? This is everything.

2. The Astro-Zombies: TUBI LINK

“With just a touch of my burning handI’m gonna live my life to destroy your worldPrime directive, exterminate The whole fuckin’ race”

Tura Satana means more to me than 90% of this world. If she asked me to become a zombie controlled by a flashlight, I’d buy her the batteries.

3. The Black Belly of the Tarantula: TUBI LINK

A mysterious killer is killing women who were involved with a blackmail scheme, using a needle to paralyze them before he slices their stomachs open, the same way a tarantula kills a wasp. Yes, this is the roughest of giallo, but along the way, you have Barbara Bach, Claudine Auger and the goddess on this mudball who is Barbara Bouchet. Also a Morricone score.

4. Toys Are Not for Children: TUBI LINK

For a movie with no hardcore sex, this movie is the filthiest and most perverted non-porn sex movie I’ve seen. It’s not for everyone so be warned but man, it goes there, stays there and laughs at you for following it.

5. FirewalkerTUBI LINK

This movie can’t even decide if its treasure is Mayan, Aztec Egyptian or Apache. So what? It’s J. Lee Thompson directing Chuck Norris and really what else is there that’s better in life?

6. Cannibal Apocalypse: TUBI LINK

John Saxon loses his mind, starts eating people and then it really gets dark. Sheer madness, blood and Italian mayhem.

7. Opera: TUBI LINK

I would argue that Argento pretty much finished his great run of movies here, a film that is literally nonstop cool shots over a story that you can follow and really, who cares? This movie is astounding, including the auteur shooting he ex-wife directly through the head, at least on celluloid.

8. Blind Fury: TUBI LINK

This is probably the most fun movie I’ve seen this year. I have no clue why I waited so long to watch it. Don’t make the same mistake as me.

9. Return to Savage Beach: TUBI LINK

The last Andy Sidaris movie, this is a dream, a film shot on a beach but mostly in office complexes that somehow finds a way into your heart. In a perfect world, there would be like fifteen more of these movies and that still wouldn’t be enough.

10. Night of the Seagulls: TUBI LINK

Every seven years, the Templars come back and a virgin is given to them. The outsiders who have just moved here? They should have stayed home. The Blind Dead move slow, have their own doom theme song and are my favorite Eurohorror monsters.

TUBI PICKS 23 – Bronson Week!

Born November 3, 1921, in Ehrenfeld, PA, Charles Bronson is the action star and tough guy that every wish they were wishes they were. While he didn’t become a big star until he was nearly fifty years old, he did so through hard work and becoming a name outside of Hollywood. This week, allow Tubi to introduce you to some of his best work.

1.  Death Wish 2TUBI LINK

2. Death Wish 3: TUBI LINK

3. Death Wish 4: TUBI LINK

Seriously, each of these movies is great in their own way, but the third one is everything that I love about action movies. You can get the full Death Wish download in this long article.

4. Chato’s Land: TUBI LINK

Michael Winner and Bronson made some wild movies together. Here, they’re just getting started.

5. Violent City: TUBI LINK

Man, this is a mean movie. A dark, brutal and nihilistic movie. And man, it’s great.

6. Breakheart Pass: TUBI LINK

The end of this movie? One of the best fight scenes I’ve ever seen. The whole film is awesome, too.

7. The Evil That Men Do: TUBI LINK

As Bronson’s Cannon work went on, it got stranger and I’m there for all of it. This has an incredible close too.

8. The Stone Killer: TUBI LINK

Bronson and Winner. That’s all I really need to say, right?

9. Kinjite: Forbidden SubjectsTUBI LINK

When reviewing the movie, the Los Angeles Times said, “If you think you might be offended by it, don’t go. You will be.”

10. The MechanicTUBI LINK

The Mechanic is so stressed out that he passes out at times; such are the issues of being the best killer in the world. I’m a copywriter and it happens to me, so I get it.


Hey — sorry I missed last week. Here are some Tubi picks to make up for it.

1. The Fourth VictimTUBI LINK

Arthur Anderson (Michael Craig) a wealthy Englishman with two previous wives who’ve also died suddenly and mysteriously, just like his third wife, who has just drowned. The very night he is acquitted, Julie (Carroll Baker) breaks into his house, which is a giallo meet cute, and becomes his fourth wife. Eugenio Martín also directed Horror Express and  It Happened at Nightmare Inn, so you know this is a winner.

2. Footprints on the Moon: TUBI LINK

Alice Cespi (Florinda Bolkan, A Lizard in a Woman’s Skin) watched a strange film in her childhood called “Footprints on the Moon,” in which astronauts were stranded on the moon’s surface by her father. Now, she keeps dreaming of this movie and the only sleep she gets is from drugs. Oh man, this movie is so much my dream movie.

3. Dawn Breaks Behind the Eyes: TUBI LINK

Why should you watch this? Well, the directly called out Bava’s The Whip and the Body and Jean Rollin’s The Iron Rose as influences. This is a movie that embodies all that is magical about Eurohorror.

4. Silent Scream: TUBI LINK

A troubled production, Rebecca Balding in the lead, Cameron Mitchell and a movie that was shot twice? I’m here for all of it.

5. Dead Silence: TUBI LINK

I know James Wan makes big Hollywood movies and I know this is a dumb movie, but for some reason I love it. It’s just so completely insipid that you need to love it. I mean, a town of puppet people? It goes for it, as the kids say.

6. Red Scorpion: TUBI LINK

A movie produced by a political lobbyist, directed by Joe Zito, starring Dolph Lundgren and distributed on video by Cannon? You just said the magic words.

7. Death Game: TUBI LINK

Have you ever started watching a movie and realized that it was exactly what you needed, when you needed it and then started delivering even more of what you wanted? This is that movie.

8. Head: TUBI LINK

I will forever respect The Monkees for so loudly and amazingly committing career suicide with this film.

9. Rock ‘n Roll High School: TUBI LINK

My favorite musical moment in any movie ever: Riff imagines Joey in her bedroom singing “I Want You Around” to her. It breaks my heart in the best of ways — pure teen worry and angst and then there’s Joey — geeky, gangly, goofball Joey — the hero who comes to her room and there’s this pure puppy love bliss. No other band other than The Ramones could have been in this film and communicated punk rock swagger and danger while still having this tender sweetness.

10. Inferno: TUBI LINK

I think about this movie every single day. If you ever want to hear me talk too much, bring up this movie. That said, I’ve seen it so many times and I really have no idea what’s happening for most of it. It’s awesome.


Tubi picks are back. Do you have any picks of your own to share?

1. Bloodsucking Freaks: TUBI LINK

Somehow, in the middle of comparatively chaste slashers, Bloodsucking Freaks was on the shelves of the mom and pop video store in my cozy and safe hometown. It made its way from the fecund streets of 1976 end of the world New York City to the same VCR we watched cartoons on. And we watched it, over and over again.

2. Knightriders: TUBI LINK

Knightriders is a complex film, packed with great performances and a cast packed with Pittsburgh drama standouts mixed in with Hollywood greats like Ed Harris.

3. Escape from New York: TUBI LINK

It is absolutely impossible for me to be impartial to this movie. How can you be? A western set inside a destroyed New York City that’s been converted into a prison for the worst people in America being invaded by someone even worse than all of them put together to rescue a President with only 24 hours to do it? Yeah, they don’t make them like this anymore.

4. A Dragonfly for Each Corpse: TUBI LINK

Where most giallo films have five murders or so, this one goes wild with 15 murders, several of which are done with an umbrella knife. Inspector Scaporalla (Paul Naschy) and his high fashion wife Silvana (Erika Blanc) follow this vigilante killer — who the police debate may be doing their job for them — and she gets so focused on the case that she studies crime scene photos in bed. Naked.

5. The Woman Hunter: TUBI LINK

The CBS Movie of the Week on September 19, 1972, The Woman Hunter has what I consider an all-star cast, what with Barbara Eden in the lead, alongside Stuart Whitman, Larry Storch and Robert Vaughn.

6. Julie Darling: TUBI LINK

Julie (Isabelle Mejias, Scanners II: The New Order) just wants to play with her pet snake, hunt with her dad (Anthony Franciosa, Tenebre) and, well, lie in bed with him. But when her mom takes away her snake, she just watches a delivery boy violate her and does nothing to save her. But soon, she has a new mom named Susan (Sybil Danning!) and might have to do something about it.

7. The People Across the Lake: TUBI LINK

To get away from the city and all its crime — dudes are peeping in on Rhoda while she’s trying to pee! — Chuck Yoman (Gerald McRaney), his wife Rachel (Valerie Harper) and their family move to redneck country where he’s going to make windsurfing boards. And then, you know, the people across the lake…

8. Dark Waters: TUBI LINK

Any film that has squads of nuns burning buildings and killing people — as well as a crucified zombie nun and a savage elder god hidden beneath the world — is worth checking out.

9. Legion of Iron: TUBI LINK

If you ever watched the aforementioned American Gladiators and said, “Is there any BDSM-obsessed fan fiction of this show?,” Legion of Iron is the film for you.

10. Blood Games: TUBI LINK

I haven’t seen a movie like this that can somehow combine the roughest moments of 70s exploitation with female characters that are given plenty of agency and personalities that are explored more than their bodies. I mean, yes, it’s scummy as it gets, but it also surprises you at every turn.

YouTube picks

This week, instead of Tubi picks, here are some of my favorite channels to watch on YouTube.

Found Footage Festival: Champions of VHS since 2004, Joe and Nick from the Found Footage Festival resurrect old VHS footage from thrift stores and garage sales and serve it up in a live touring comedy show and a weekly live show, VCR Party, every Tuesday at 9pm ET. They also have a Saturday Morning Cartoons show and also Midnight Rental, which is hosted by late night horror hostess Lenora, who currently co-hosts The Big Bad B-Movie Show on The CW in Cleveland. Midnight Rental takes viewers on a tour of tapes that are of lesser known and lesser loved movies who never quite found their footing, but still deserve their 5 (15 would still be too generous) minutes of fame.

I’ve been a huge fan of the Found Footage Festival for years and want more people to discover them. Some of my favorite videos are below:

Good Bad Flicks: Cecil Trachenburg loves movies and loves talking about them. I love his channel, where he’s steadily increased his skills at making videos that really break down cinema.

What Makes This Song Stink: Pat Finnerty is a musician who has strived to remain musically moral, not selling out and wondering whether or not he can still get a hot tub out of his career. His videos are, without a doubt, the best thing on the Internet, filled with a love of music even if he hates the song. His weekly podcast has been great as well, rarely even discussing the song and instead wanting to truly get to know his guests. His Weezer, Train and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=–rBP8_QuwILenny Kravitz breakdowns are just astounding. I also have him to blame for introducing me to the song “Fancy Like,” which I hate beyond the boundaries of hate.

The Made-for-Television MovieHere’s the mission statement from the channel: Our Mission: To post all 6 seasons of The ABC Movie of the Week anthology. The ground-breaking series aired from 1969 to 1976, catapulting the fledgling network to high ratings. Too many television movies have been forgotten. Most are out of print, or not available on DVD. Many have not been seen since they were first aired. Now after 50 years, audiences are rediscovering television movies, as interest brings them out of obscurity. Join us as we create an archive of made-for-television movies.

Vintage Toilets Pittsburgh: There are actually two vintage Pittsburgh toilet channels, the other one called PottiesInPittsburgh. I have no idea what would motivate someone to get into this many places — some are some places where they had to get some kind of sneak in help — and film toilets. A fetish? Definitely an obsession. He’s up to almost 5,000 toilets.

Wu Tang CollectionFrom the mountains of China, to the streets of New York, The Wu Tang Collection brings the best, rarest, and finest in Asian Action Cinema, Martial Arts and beyond.