Return to Savage Beach (1998)

Remember Savage BeachSavage Beach (1989)? The L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies do. So do the bad guys, led this time by Rodrigo Martinez (the ever-dependable Rodrigo Obregon. There’s gold all over this mythical lost island, so it’s a race to see who can get there first.

This is the last of Andy Sidaris’ films, so I feel some sense of sadness after spending so much time in his world, knowing that this is it.

Julie Strain is back as Willow Black, bringing Cobra and Tiger (Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks) back with her. For the ladies, J. Tyler Ward (Cristian Letelier) and Doc Austin (Paul Logan) are here to do martial arts, take off their shirts and wear medallions. And Warrior (WCW superstar Marcus Alexander Bagwell) returns, this time on the side of the good guys. Fu and Ava (Gerald Okamura and Ava Cadell) are also on hand, always ready to lend help.

Kabuki ninja fights? Check. Remote controlled cars with bombs? You know it. Waterfall and pool sex? Coming right up. Return to Savage Beach knows exactly what you want and gives you even more, like Carrie Westcott as Sofia (Playboy Playmate of the Month, September 1993), a rollerblading bad girl who serves knockout pizza to an entire L.E.T.H.A.L. safehouse before its revealed that she’s really an INTERPOL agent. And a slow-motion snorkeling scene where Cobra and Tiger go topless because that’s how you really SCUBA if you want to do it right.

My favorite thing about this movie is that it has a flashback to Savage Beach, showing Donna and Taryn flying the plane. Silk (Carolyn Liu) has a cameo as well, bringing more of the shared Sidaris Universe together. And oh man, the flashbacks to Martinez escaping Savage Beach? A priceless Buddha filled with diamonds? Random fantasy scenes? And a reveal where Martinez has on a mask and is really his nephew? Another reveal where he comes back to life? One of the creators of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles showing up as Ava’s new tech Harry the Cat? A theme song that asks, “How many endings does this story have?”

Return to Savage Beach is everything you ever dreamed that it would be, a film shot on a beach but mostly in office complexes that somehow finds a way into your heart. In a perfect world, there would be like fifteen more of these movies and that still wouldn’t be enough.

You can watch this for free on Tubi or find it on the Girls, Guns and G-Strings set from Mill Creek.

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