Church of Satan founder Anton Szandor LaVey claimed that the main character in this Vincent Price film was based on him. Well, his name is Dr. Anton Phibes and he’s an organist, researcher, medical doctor, biblical scholar and ex-vaudevillian who has created a clockwork band of robot musicians to play old standards at his whim. Seeing as how nearly all of these things match up with LaVey, I can kind of see his point.

Director Robert Fuest started by designing sets. While working on the TV show The Avengers, he got excited about directing and ended up working on seven episodes of the original series and two of The New Avengers. Soon, he’d be working in film more and more, starting with 1967’s Just Like a Woman. Between the two Phibes films, And Soon the Darkness, The Final Programme and The Devil’s Rain!, he became known for dark-humored fantasy and inventive sets, several of which he designed himself.

This movie is one I can’t be quiet about. It’s one of the strangest and most delightful films I’ve ever seen.

Dr. Anton Phibes died in Switzerland, racing back home upon hearing the news that his beloved bridge Victoria (an uncredited Caroline Munro) had died during surgery. The truth is that Phibes has survived, scarred beyond belief and unable to speak, but alive. He uses all of the skills that he’s mastered to rebuild his face and approximate a human voice. Also, he may or may not be insane.

Phibes believes that the doctors who operated on his wife were incompetent and therefore must pay for their insolence. So he does what anyone else would do: visit the Biblical ten plagues of Egypt on every single one of them.

Phibes is, of course, played by Vincent Price. No one else could handle this role. Or this movie. There’s hardly any dialogue for the first ten minutes of the movie. Instead, there are long musical numbers of Phibes and his clockwork band playing old standards. In fact, Phibes doesn’t speak for the first 32 minutes of the movie. Anyone who asks questions like “Why?” and says things like “This movie makes no sense” will be dealt with accordingly.

After the first few murders, Inspector Trout gets on the case. He becomes Phibes’ main antagonist for this and the following film, trying to prove that all of these murders — the doctors and nurse who had been on the team of Dr. Vesalius (Joseph Cotten!) — are connected. Phibes then stays one step ahead of the police, murdering everyone with bees, snow, a unicorn statue, locusts and rats, sometimes even right next to where the cops have staked him out.

Dr. Phibes is assisted by the lovely Vulnavia. We’re never informed that she’s a robot, but in my opinion, she totally is. Both she and the doctor are the most fashion-forward of all revenge killers I’ve seen outside of Meiko Kaji and Christina Lindberg.

Writer William Goldstein wrote Vulnavia as another clockwork robot with a wind-up key in her neck. Fuest thought that Phibes demanded a more mobile assistant, so he made her human, yet one with a blank face and mechanical body movements. I still like to think that she’s a machine, particularly because she returns in the next film after her demise here. Also — Fuest rewrote nearly the entire script.

After killing off everyone else — sorry Terry-Thomas! — Phibes kidnaps Dr. Vesalius’ son and implants a key inside his heart that will unlock the boy. However, if the doctor doesn’t finish the surgery on his son in six minutes — the same amount of time he had spent trying to save Phibes’ wife — acid will rain down and kill both he and his boy.

Against all odds, Vesalius is successful. Vulnavia, in the middle of destroying Phibes’ clockwork orchestra, is sprayed by the acid and killed while the doctor himself replaces his blood with a special fluid and lies down to eternal sleep with his wife, happy that he has had his revenge.

If you’re interested, the ten plagues Phibes unleashes are:

1. Blood: He drains all of Dr. Longstreet’s blood

2. Frogs: He uses a mechanical frog mask to kill Dr. Hargreaves at a costume party

3. Bats: A more cinematic plague than lice from the Biblical plagues, Phibes uses these airborne rodents to kill Dr. Dunwoody

4. Rats: Again, better than flies, rats overwhelm Dr. Kitaj and cause his plane to crash

5. Pestilence: This one is a leap, but the unicorn head that kills Dr. Whitcombe qualifies

6: Boils: Professor Thornton is stung to death by bees

7. Hail: Dr. Hedgepath is frozen by an ice machine

8. Locusts: The nurse is devoured by them thanks to an ingenious trap

9. Darkness: Phibes joins his wife in eternal rest during a solar eclipse

10. Death of the firstborn: Phibes kidnaps and the son of Dr. Vesalius

I love that this movie appears lost in time. While set in the 1920’s, many of the songs weren’t released until the 1940’s. Also, Phibes has working robots and high technology, despite the era the film is set in.

There’s nothing quite like this movie. I encourage you to take the rest of the day off and savor it.

How does Phibes live up to being a Satanic film? In my opinion, Phibes embodies one of the nine Satanic statements to its utmost: Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek. The men and woman whose negligence led to the loss of Phibes’ wife were never punished. Phibes had to become their judge, jury and yes, destroyer.

On the other hand — or hoof, as it were — Phibes is the exact antithesis of the ninth Satanic sin, Lack of Aesthetics, which states that “an eye for beauty, for balance, is an essential Satanic tool and must be applied for greatest magical effectiveness. It’s not what’s supposed to be pleasing—it’s what is. Aesthetics is a personal thing, reflective of one’s own nature, but there are universally pleasing and harmonious configurations that should not be denied.” So much of what makes this film is that Phibes’ musical art is just as essential as his demented nature and abilities. Music is the core of his soul, not just revenge.

Another point of view comes from Draconis Blackthorne of the Sinister Screen: “This is an aesthetically-beauteous film, replete with Satanic architecture as well as ideology. Those who know will recognize these subtle and sometimes rather blatant displays. Obviously, to those familiar with the life of our Founder, there are several parallels between the Dr. Anton Phibes character and that of Dr. Anton LaVey – they even share the same first name, and certain propensities.”

Ted V. Mikels lived the kind of life that most teenage boys dream of. He lived in a house that looked like a castle, made exploitation movies and lived with gorgeous women who wanted to be filmmakers that he referred to as Castle Ladies.

When the Lotus Cat Food Company finds itself going out of business, its owners Landau (Sanford Mitchell) and Maltby (J. Byron Foster), who decide to start using dead bodies from a graveyard for the source of their cat food. The cats then have a taste for man and start killing. Only veterinarian Howard Glass (Sean Kenney) and nurse Angie Robinson (Monika Kelly) can stop the wild cats.

Not only was this written by Arch Hall Sr. — the father of Arch Hall Jr. — the script was touched up by Joe Cranston — the father of Bryan Cranston.

This film had quite a life. It played triple features with The Embalmer and The Undertaker and His Pals, double features in the UK with Horror Hospital and played drive-ins from 1980 to 1985 as The Flesh Grinders. It also was part of the legendary 5 Deranged Features lineup, playing as Night of the Howling Beast along with Dracula vs. Frankenstein under the title They’re Coming to Get You, The Wizard of Gore as House of Torture, Creature from Black Lake and Shriek of the Mutilated. House of Schlock has a great article about this.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Is a biker movie not enough action for you? What if I told you that a biker gang named The Devil’s Advocates happen upon some warlocks and then one of them is bitten by a female werewolf and transforms under the full moon? How’s that sound?

I literally just told you the entire plot of this movie. Soon after the cult members cast a curse on the biker leader’s (Stephen Oliver, who was married to Lana Wood, sister of Natalie Wood and also the star of Motorpsycho and Angels from Hell) girlfriend that makes her turn into a werewolf, she turns him as well. Soon, the bikers are being killed one by one until they see their leader and his girl transform.

The bikers head back to the church for revenge, but suddenly stop when they see themselves in the cult lineup.

This movie has been sampled by Rob Zombie repeatedly, including the line “We all know how we’re going to die, baby. We’re gonna crash and burn.” It’s also better than anything he’s done since The Devil’s Rejects. Actually, it’s probably better than that, too.

Real bikers were used for all the stunts in this movie, so it has a real authenticity to it. And the weirdness of the cult’s rituals breaks into that so nicely, giving this movie a real air of pure strange. The cult leader, One, is played by Severn Darden, who played Governor Kolp in Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and Battle for the Planet of the Apes. He’s so great in this movie!

The soundtrack is also so good. It’s very blues country rock with a bit of doom. It’s perfect for the action on the screen. This movie gets a very high recommendation!

You can watch this on Tubi.

Murphy (Peter O’Toole) is the only survivor of the merchant ship Mount Kyle, which was sunk by a German U-boat and the survivors all shot. He gets to the shore of Venezuela, where he is nursed by Dr. Hayden (Siân Phillips), a pacifist who may not be interested in his plans to kill everyone who put him here.

Based on the book by Max Catto, this was directed by Peter Yates and written by Stirling Silliphant, this was originally going to have Frank Sinatra as Murphy.

Robert Evans brought the director and producer Michael Deeley to the project before losing interest. However, they had a pay or play contract and Evans wanted them to make The Godfather instead. They chose this.

It’s definitely not a movie that makes war look romantic or in any way filled with honor. Instead, it’s just people losing and dying and failing. No wonder critics were so rough on it.

The Arrow Video blu ray of this movie comes with a new visual essay by film critic David Cairns, archive interviews with assistant director John Glen, focus puller Robin Vidgeon and film critic Sheldon Hall, a trailer, an image gallery, a reversible sleeve and an illustrated collector’s book. You can get it from MVD.

Il merlo maschio (The Male Blackbird) is a film with many other titles. In the U.S. alone, it was released as X-Rated Girl, The Naked Cello and the title it was given by Film Ventures International, Secret Fantasy.

In truth, it’s a commedia sexy all’italiana all about a man who gets pleasure from showing his wife off to other men. Now, this may be a common adult film theme today, but candaulism was not discussed much in 1971.

Niccolo Vivaldi (Lando Buzzanca, Dracula in the Provinces) is a cello player who feels a lack of appreciation from his orchestra conductor. He learns that the more he shows off his beautiful wife Costanza (Laura Antonelli, The Senator Likes Women), the more successful he becomes. She plays along, enjoying him photographing her in a series of more and more ribald poses. The film ends with him disrobing her in public as she plays Verona’s Arena during a performance of Aida.

By the end, Niccolo has gone insane and when his wife visits the mental institution, he sells tickets to touch her. He’s learned nothing.

Director Pasquale Festa Campanile is known for Autostop rosso sangue or, as it was called in the U.S., Hitchhike. He also made another movie that FVI picked up, When Women Had Tails.

You can watch this on YouTube.

In the Name of the Father, the Son and the Colt is a much better title than the American one, The Masked Thief. It’s an Italian Western with giallo moments directed by one of my favorite scumbags Mario Bianchi using the name Frank Bronston.

Sheriff Bill Nolan (Craig Hill) is investigating a masked killer who kills with a long knife. When Toni Pickford (Agata Lys) survives being assaulted by a similar masked man and his gang of criminals, she remembers his face and claims that Bill is behind the crime. Years later, another man is killed by the gang and claims that it’s Bill. The truth? Nolan has an outlaw twin brother, Mace Casidy (also played by Craig Hill).

The giallo portions feel added at the last moment, like the POV opening and the masked killer. That said, the idea of a giallo knife maniac in the Italian West is a good one, as is the idea that people in town aren’t sure if they can trust the man who is the law any more. None of these thoughts really play out as this movie flies through 77 minutes of running time.

Bianchi would make another giallo-ish Western, Creeping Death, as well as a truly aberrant run of movies. Seriously, if you want to wallow in the darkest muck of Italian exploitation, seek out his movies like La bimba di Satana, Strip Nude for Your Killer, Nightmare In Venice and The Murder Secret before using the names Martin White, David Bird, Nicholas Moore and Tony Wanker in the adult world.

You can watch this on Tubi.

The Price of Death comes as the Italian Western has given way to the giallo. Therefore, this is nearly a last gasp and an acceptance of the shift. It’s also very much a Eurospy, as the hero, Silver (Gianni Garko) is a dandy who lives with several gorgeous women and always is surrounded by luxury.

Now, we all know and love Garko as Sartana — in all but Sartana’s Here… Trade Your Pistol for a Coffin in which George Hilton plays the role — but the character of Silver first appeared in Killer Caliber .32 in which he was played by Peter Lee Lawrence and is also in Killer Adios, even if his name is Jessy in that film. The character is the coolest man in the West, always calm and collected, a detective, bounty hunter and unstoppable gunfighter.

That said, Silver dresses in brown instead of black, but he still uses miniature hidden guns. He’s pretty much Sartana, but it’s not like that’s a bad thing.

This starts with a very giallo POV of a killer hunting down and stabbing a Carmen Morales (Franca De Stratis)  on the same evening where three masked men shot and kill several people at a bar. Sheriff Tom Stanton (Luciano Catenacci) kills two of the men but the third escapes. Everyone thinks that Chester Conway (Klaus Kinski) has to be the criminal, including Judge Atwell (Alfredo Rizzo), who sentences him to hang. In response, Conway’s lawyer Jeff Plummer (Franco Abbina) hires Silver to prove the innocence of his client after a trial where only Conway’s ex — Polly Winters (Mimma Biscardi) — stood up for him.

Silver is already working for the Morales family, looking for her killer, and he gets no help from the law and plenty of stares and murmurs from the townsfolk, who include Doc Rosencrantz (Luciano Pigozzi) and Reverend Tiller (Giancarlo Prete), proving the strength of this film’s cast.

Silver come across as Derek Flint mixed with Sherlock Holmes, training with martial artists, rescuing people and discovering that everyone in town is either sleeping with each other or working with one another to make money off one another. He also learns that while Conway is innocent of one crime, he may also be the man that he’s looking for.

Director and writer Lorenzo Gicca Palli also wrote Killer Caliber .32 and created Silver. He also directed and wrote Blackie the Pirate and two Zorro movies, so he definitely gets how to do an adventure movie. His other names that he worked as are Enzo Gicca and Vincent Thomas. I wish he’d made more movies with Silver, who deserves to be in as many films as Sartana and Sabata.

According to this review on the essential Spaghetti Western Database, there was a softcore scene shot for this movie with Biscardi and Dominique Badou, who doesn’t appear in the film, and a hardcore scene with Pietro Torrisi (who I just found out was in Check-up érotique, a porn directed by Renato Polselli!) and an unknown blonde actress. According to the book Wild West Gals, “illegal or semi-legal soft or hard-core versions of genre movies were often edited by producers and sold under the counter.” I would assume that some scenes like this also appeared in fumetti magazines like Cinesex and often aren’t in the actual movie.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Human Cobras is the story of Tony Garden (George Ardisson), who was exiled from the United States but now has to return after the death of his twin brother John. He takes his brother’s wife — and his ex-lover — Leslie (Erika Blanc) with him to get revenge, which takes him all the way to Kenya after finding a clue written in blood. Blood drawn from a razor-wielding killer because, yes, this is a giallo.

They get there and start looking for John’s business partner George MacGreaves (Alberto de Mendoza) but the killer has followed them. So while Tony is romancing Clara (Janine Reynaud), Leslie is taking a bubble bath or being stalked by the black-gloved villain.

Directed by Bitto Albertini using the name Albert J. Walkner, this has a Ernesto Gastaldi and Eduardo Manzanos Borchero script that’s better than the direction. Oh Bitto, you are better off making movies like the two Black Emanuelle movies and Escape from Galaxy 3 than trying to make a twist and turn giallo. Imagine if Get Carter had Eurospy elements and wanted to be a giallo while also having some ghost moments where Blanc thinks she sees her dead lover, then drop that later subplot. It also has a hero, of sorts, who has no issue with dumping a woman’s body in a waterfall or going elephant hunting, which knowing this is an Italian film, you can imagine that yes, elephants were really killed. That said, Luciano Martino produced it, so it has some quality to it and there’s a role for Luciano Pigozzi as a New York City gangster who gets shook down by our protagonist.

Also known as Il bel mostro, A Strange Love Affair, Two Girls in My Bed and A Handsome Monster, Love Me Strangely is based on the novel Un beau monstre by Dominique Fabre. It was directed by Sergio Gobbi, who wrote the script with Dominique Fabre and André and Georges Tabet.

The antagonist for everyone in this movie is Alain Revent (Helmut Berger), a man who dominates women so horribly that when his wife can’t find something he’s hidden from her, she dives out a window. Along with another horrible man, Dino (Alain Nourey), they begin to psychological destroy his second wife,  Nathalie (Virna Lisi). By the time a police officer named Leroy (Charles Aznavour) gets involved, they’ve already driven her to anoerxia.

Helmut Berger is well-known for roles where he destroys women and with this movie and Bluebeard, Lisi gets put into the role of victim. There a line in the novel that this movie comes from, “Taking a woman without destroying her is not really possessing her,” that sums up its villain. Can the police officer save her? Does she even want to be saved? Much like The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, so many heroines of 60s and 70s European films could be saved if they just came out and admitted that they liked consensual BDSM and got on with their lives instead of constantly looking for cruel men.