April 8: Film Ventures International — Share a movie that was released by Edward Montoro’s company. Here’s a list!
Members of an Army unit that served in Vietnam are turning up dead in Los Angeles and Niagara Falls. Ex-Colonel Kip Moore (Perry King, man, I’m way behind in saying that King was in some awesome stuff, but come on — Mandingo, Bad, The Possession of Joel Delaney, Lipstick, Class of 1984, The Clairvoyant — let’s all recognize him for his genre stuff!) is trying to figure out who it is after his friend Buddy Grant (Don Stroud) is shot and left paralyzed.
The cops, however, think that Moore is the killer. The real killer turns out to be a man with one black glove and missing fingers, so…is this a giallo? Well, Kip has to investigate the killings himself. And seeing how vets came back from Vietnam feeling like strangers in a strange land, not to mention Tisa Farrow is in the cast which lends a bit of Italian feel to this, I’d say it’s really close but it’s more action than psychosexual murder movie.
As for the cops, George Kennedy leads them, but come on. We all know that Kip is going to be the one to solve the case.
If you wanted to go to Niagra Falls in 1979 and never did, just watch this movie. You’ll get to see all the tourist spots. Also: I will watch anything with Tisa in it.
Los nuevos extraterrestres was meant to be a frightening movie about an alien on a murderous Earth rampage, but then E.T. came out and who better than the man who made Pieces to create a clone of Spielberg’s family classic?
It starts with poachers trying to get to the alien eggs that they find in the woods and being killed in the process, as well as a rock band getting involved. Then Tommy (Óscar Martín), our child protagonist, brings one of the eggs home and ends up helping it hatch, at which point he gets a new telekinetic friend he calls Trumpy.
Maybe that name hasn’t aged well.
Meanwhile, the band — Rick (Ian Sera, Kendall from Pieces and obviously his genitals have healed well as he has a roving eye), his girlfriend Lara (Susana Bequer, who shows up in Hostel: Part II), Kathy (Sara Palmer) and Tracy (Maria Albert), along with a hitchhiker named Sharon (Nina Ferrer) they found on the way — show up at Tommy’s house and Lara soon dies with a Big Dipper symbol on her forehead, which happens after she’s attacked by Trumpy’s mother and falls off a cliff.
This movie alternates between sweet moments between alien and child versus angry alien mother killing people left and right before being shot tons of times by Rick after she kills Tommy’s angry Uncle Bill (Manuel Pereiro). The boy and alien say their goodbyes and you’re like, well, didn’t we just watch Bambi’s murderous mother get killed? Has anyone learned anything in this? Is Trumpy going to grow up and murder us all?
Film Ventures International released this as Pod People and the credits appear on top of blurred footage from a whole different movie, Don Dohler’s The Galaxy Invader. And hey, if Tommy’s room feels familiar, it’s the same room where Timmy was working on his dirty puzzle in Pieces.
I have no idea who this movie is for, but I have to respect the lengths it takes to make us think that it was shot in America, as Tommy’s bedroom has tons of Boston sports pennants to the point that you question why there are so many of them and start to realize that no, this didn’t come from the colonies and no, in no way is this a sequel or in the same world as E.T., no matter what they want to tell you.
The chocolate of alien murder in the woods and peanut butter of human and alien childhood friendship does not taste that great when smashed together, but it sure is fascinating and man, Trumpy looks legitimately like an alien to the point where if you told me that he was an escapee from Groom Lake, I’d believe you.
This is being released on blu ray from Severin. It has a 4K scan from the 35mm negative, plus extras such as The Simon’s Jigsaw — A Journey Into the Universe of Juan Piquer Simon, interviews with Emilio Linder and composer Librado Pastor, a private concert with Pastor, the Pod People credits and a CD soundtrack single. You can get it from Severin.
April 8: Film Ventures International — Share a movie that was released by Edward Montoro’s company. Here’s a list!
Alley Cat has three directors. I have no idea why, but Victor M. Ordonez (who is in Nine Deaths of the Ninja and Hellhole), Ed Palmos and Al Valetta (who is in Sole Survivor, Runaway Nightmare and Hollywood’s New Blood) all had their hand in this movie, leaving Robert Waters, who also wrote Fighting Mad, to write the actual story.
Billie (Karin Mani, who was also in Avenging Angel) is our heroine Billie. She starts the movie by stopping some scumbags from stealing her car. They go their boss Scarface (Michael Wayne), who decides that he’s going to turn this tiger into an alley cat, a plan that starts by putting her grandmother in the hospital and beating her grandfather something fierce. The one good thing that happens is that she falls for a cop named Johnny (Robert Torti), who ends up having to arrest her with his partner Boyle (Jon Greene) when she defends some joggers from the very same criminals and has a gun without a permit.
When Billie goes to court, she pays twice the fine of the rapists, whose victims are intimidated by Scarface and never show. Billie reacts like a manaic, gets charged with contempt of court and turns her movie into a WIP film for a little, complete with requisite shower moment.
This is the only women’s revenge movie — yes, Billie gets out and gets said payback — in which the lead character eats at an Arby’s. The old Arby’s, before they had the meats and all they had was that giant beef hat on the sign. And oh yeah — while she’s in jail, her grandmother dies and Billie is robbed of those last moments, so even though her boyfriend wants to legally deal with Scarface, you will be hoping that she shoots him right in the dick.
Marry F*** Kill is a game — I’ve always called it F*** Marry Kill — that was first discussed in the mid 2000s, but it presents a question of what person would you marry for life, who would you have sex with just once and who would you kill. It’s a silly game, but as this new movie tells us, it has its roots in an ancient Wiccan ritual known as Bed, Bind, Bury. The idea of this made me laugh so loud and heartily that it made this entire movie worth it. What a concept!
Five estranged college friends — Grant (Jedidiah Goodacre, Dorian Grey on Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), Paige (Maxine Denis), Simon (Robbie G.K.), Helen (Cynthia Jimenez-Hicks) and Vickie (Deanna Jarvis) — reunite for Beth’s (Devin Cecchetto) funeral after her suicide. Of course, before we get there, we watch Beth conduct a ritual praying to Asmodeus while we see her friends all having group sex. She’s staring at a photo of Grant while she extinguishing the candles, steps away from a pentagram and slices her throat.
In the Testament of Solomon, Asmodeus is said to have human mother and an angel father. In The Lower Key of Solomon, it’s said that he is is “strong, powerful and appears with three heads; the first is like a bull, the second like a man, and the third like a ram; the tail of a serpent, and from his mouth issue flames of fire.” In nearly all appearances of this demon, his is connected to the sin of lust.
The five all arrive in the town of Cedar Grove, the kind of small town where a cop warns them to leave and where the Gref House, Beth’s family mansion, is described as somewhere you don’t want to go to. That same officer also thinks he knows Grant, who thinks that he’s never been in this little hick town before.
They’re met by Stephanie Greffen (Tanya Clarke), Beth’s aunt, who takes them into Gref House and offers to allow them to stay there. The main reason they’re there — beyond claiming to want to attend her funeral — is because Beth’s lawyer told them that they would all be in her will. Then, Stephanie leaves them with some joints rolled with her personal crop, which lies at the intersection of two ley lines. Some believe that these lines were drawn between important structures as trade routes created by ancient British societies while others believe they mark magical powers and energies. Or, as Stephanie says, they’re “conduits of the supernatural and earthly energies.” Before she leaves, she tells the five that her special strain can do some weird things, so go easy when they smoke these sticks.
When they check out the house, they find Beth’s room, which is filled with photos of them in happier times. As we meet the characters, Helen seems like the freespirited one with purple hair, Paige the shy and quiet one, Simon and Vickie the superficial two of the circle and Grant the mysterious and haunted protagonist.
Grant sulks around the house and remembers better times with Beth, as they make out and she asks him to play marry f*** kill with him, leading to her saying that she wants to wait until marriage to make love. As he keeps thinking of the past, his finger is stabbed by the thorns of a dryed out flower.
You can imagine, of course, that everyone has darker memories of the past and how everyone pretty much slept with one another. And now when photos are taken within the house, strange ghost images start showing up. Well, show up, that is, when everyone isn’t doing the same thing they did in the past, with Vickie and Grant making love in Beth’s room. It seems from flashbacks that those two living up to the middle part of marry f*** kill is what doomed their friendships.
Then Grant calls Vickie Beth, and, well, you should never call a girl worried about another woman that woman’s name. If I ever give you any advice, take that piece.
Vickie heads off into the woods, gets followed by something growling and then blood sprays all over a tree. She never shows up for the funeral the next day, which is in a gigantic church that completely seems out of place in this small town.
At that funeral, Stephanie reveals to Grant that the Grefs are a powerful clan that have been dealing with tragedy for generations. She also claims that Grant has powers which allow him to see and feel things that others can’t; he’s susceptible to the dark arts just like Beth was and he needs to run away from this place and never look back.
That night, everyone decides to smoke those magical chronic and it’s so potent that Beth shows up, sitting next to Grant, and only he can see her. She takes him outside, they dance the forbidden polka and while she’s grinding on top, she yells, “Give it to me” so many times that her voice becomes demonic. He wakes up naked in the back yard; man, I need to get an eighth of this Satanic sticky icky.
Also: For those of you playing at home, this has more male nudity than female to the point that I was wondering of director Caroline Labrèche is really David DeCoteau.
The will gets read and Stephanie gets land from Beth while the rest of the group gets all of her money and the house, along with Beth’s wish that “May my house and the beds in it bind you together and bury the troubles that once tore us apart.” This upsets Beth’s aunt, who says that it can’t be right. She stands up and says that if they stay, Beth has doomed them all.
That night, the four remaining find a room with a leather bound book that claims that the Grefs were one of the original families descended from a necomonical sect of Asmodeus, founded in the Dark Tern of 1432. They were the foremost magicians of Soot, the long-lost art of demonic jurisdiction. One of Beth’s ancestors was named Abigail and it’s at this point — even before a photo of someone who looks like Grant is in the book — that I would get out of this house. Demonic books never works out. Take it from someone who has a bunch in his basement.
You’d do the same if you found an attic full of bones, right?
This is the kind of movie where people say things like, “The veil between life and death is diaphanous,” which is why I keep watching movies like this and the people stick around until they all start dying and pregnant ghosts with demon voices just roll by to bid you good evening.
Anyways, spoiler warning, but one of the five is Asmodeus and she had made some magic love spell to keep Beth and Grant together in the next life, but everyone ate it and had that wild orgy. Can two guys and two girls even be an orgy any longer and do the rules for group sex versus orgy follow the same need to have as many people as a mass shooting (four or more) and why is gun violence so omnipotent when we should just all be having sex? Anyways, I’m also for sure this has to be DeCoteau-influenced because more time is shown of Grant and Simon kissing than Paige and Helen. That’s what ruined everything for our friiends in this story, in case you were wondering.
So yeah. Beth Gref and Grant Faodhagain were always destined to be together and Beth called on Asmodeus to bring them together forever. Paige never existed because she’s always been a demon and wow, this movie got way deeper than I ever expected. And more occult, as there’s a ritual with dead bodies, knife to the throat sacrifices and more pentagrams than a Motley Crue bootleg t-shirt.
But that’s not the end. There’s still one more final turn that must happn.
Marry F*** Kill is way better than the title of the film would lead you to think. Labrèche has a good eye for putting a movie together and the script by Aaron Martin and Ian Carpenter (the Slasher series, the two new Terror Train films) gets in so much of what works in low budget genre filmmaking and feels pretty unapologetic for it. It looks really well made, so maybe $3 million gets you so much more in Quebec.
On April 25 Shout! Factory will release the 8-Disc set THE JACKIE CHAN COLLECTION VOLUME 2(1983-1993), a presentation of eight classic films which showcase the unique mixture of martial arts, action, and comedy that has made Jackie Chan a cultural icon. The films showcased in the set include Winners And Sinners, Wheels On Meals,The Protector, Twinkle, Twinkle Lucky Stars, Armour Of God, Armour Of God II: Operation Condor, Crime Story and City Hunter. Bonus features include new audio commentaries, new interviews, and a new documentary.
Unbeatable. Unstoppable. Undeniable. Jackie Chan stands alone among action heroes thanks to his death-defying stunts, unparalleled fight scenes, and his signature sense of humor. An international superstar, Chan has thrilled fans around the globe for decades. As the standard bearer for martial arts action, Chan has forged a legacy that never has nor will be matched.
Customers ordering from ShoutFactory.com will receive an exclusive 18” x 24” rolled poster featuring the set’s new artwork, while supplies last.
You’re cordially invited to a Brawl-A-Thon…. To celebrate this new set and Jackie Chan’s birthday, on April 7, Shout! Factory TV will host THE JACKIE CHAN BIRTHDAY BRAWL-A-THON at 7 pm ET/ 4 pm PT, on the platform’s TokuSHOUTsu and Shout! Cult channels. Additionally, a double feature of Chan’s comedic films Winners & Sinners and Police Story 1 will air on Shout! Factory TV as part of the month-long National Humor Month programming. Films included (in order of airing):
To Kill With Intrigue The Killer Meteors Battle Creek Brawl City Hunter Dragon Fist Shaolin Wooden Men Snake & Crane Arts of Shaolin Winners & Sinners* new title, never previously available on streaming The Protector Crime Story
Bu (Shu Qi, Shanghai Fortress, The Transporter) is a, well, gorgeous girl from a Taiwanese fishing village who leaves for romance in Hong Kong once she discovers a message in a bottle — “I am waiting for you” — promising love. That note came from a lonely man named Albert (Tony Leung Chiu-wai) who is pining for a lover who left him. She stays and finds a recycling company owner and fighting machine named C.N. (Jackie Chan) who provides the kind of amorous attention that you only read about in movies.
She falls for him and maybe he falls for her, but he’s also dealing with his childhood friend turned rival Howie Lo (Emil Chau), who he’s been fighting for what seems like forever. Now, Howie has also hired Alan (Brad Alan), a fighter who may be even tougher than C.N., and plans on getting the revenge that he’s always wanted.
This is an interesting role for Chan, as he has to be less action hero and more a lover. That said, it’s still filled with some incredible action and has the kind of storybook ending you hope for.
C.N. is very close to Jackie in real life, as he trains and dresses a lot like him. That may be because Chan wrote this with Ivy Ho and director Vincent Kok. Even the environmental message comes from how Chan sees the world and what needs to be done to help save it.
The 88 Films release of Gorgeous has a 2K transfer from the original film materials for both the Hong Kong and International versions of the film, as well as three audio commentaries (one with Frank Djeng and FJ Desanto, another with Mike Leeder and Arne Venema and a third with Jackie Chan). There’s also an Andy Cheng on Brad Allan featurette, an interview Vincent Kok, a making of, music videos, trailers and a reversible cover with new artwork by Sean Longmore. You can get it from MVD.
April 7: Jackie Day — Celebrate Jackie Chan’s birthday!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London. She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics. For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet @Jennxldn
Jackie Chan’s My Stunts straight-to-video documentary takes us inside the world of Jackie Chan’s stunt and fight choreography. The follow-up to My Story (1998), the film begins by taking the viewer on a nostalgic tour of some of Chan’s most famous action scenes. It visits the locations of Police Story (1985) and reminisces on the amazingly dangerous stunts in that film. We also shown the inside of the lab where Chan and his celebrated stunt team come up with ideas for fight sequences. Chan’s enthusiasm for his work at this stage in career really shines through. It’s clear that his work is his whole life. Chan takes us step by step through pole fighting and wire techniques with great enthusiasm and precision. They illustrate his perfectionist ways to even greater effect in the behind-the-scenes clips from Who Am I? (1998) where we get to see a little bit of “Assy” Chan.
During the filming of a rooftop fight, Chan becomes frustrated with the performance of a fighter who is not a movie actor but a real martial artist. After several failed takes, Chan finally replaces him with one of his own team members to get the desired result. It’s a very interesting peek at what it must be like to work with Chan. The best part happens when Chan trusts the work to several members of his team. It’s clear the members of his stunt team are greatly responsible for his longevity in film and Chan lets them take the credit they deserve.
It’s a very educational and entertaining documentary and fans of Kung Fu films in general will certainly come away with a greater respect for all the people who do this kind of work.
April 7: Jackie Day — Celebrate Jackie Chan’s birthday!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London. She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics. For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet @Jennxldn
Jackie Chan: My Story coincided with the release of his autobiography I Am Jackie Chan: A Life in Action. The documentary chronicles the life of Jackie Chan beginning at infancy and ending in 1998 with Jackie poised on the brink of huge success in American with release of the first Rush Hour.
It begins with a great opening montage composed of some of Jackie’s best fights and stunts over the years. The montage makes the viewer realize the extent to which time has taken its toll on Jackie’s body. As time passed, he relied more on wire work and stunt doubles whereas the clips from the “old” days show a young, spry Jackie leaping up walls in top form. It’s quite a sight to behold and will likely make you want to dust off some of the old videos.
Following the introduction, we are told about Jackie’s childhood at the Peking Opera school. History is fleshed out through interviews with fellow school-mate Sammo Hung, Jackie’s father Charles Chan, and Jackie himself telling basically the same stories we’ve all heard him tell before on countless talk show appearances over the years. The stories of the long hours of practice and the beatings by the master are inter-cut with clips from the film Painted Faces (1988) in which Sammo played as the schoolmaster, Yu Jim Yuen.
The film moves through Jackie’s days as a stuntman showing many wonderful clips of him working his butt off as an unknown continuing through the phase of his career where director Lo Wei tried unsuccessfully to turn Jackie into the next Bruce Lee.
It’s not until Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow (1978) that we really see why Jackie became a star. With this film, he truly found his niche as a comedian and hasn’t looked back since. In Hong Kong, from then on, each of his films was more successful than the last except for his brief stint in several bad American movies in the early 1980s. In particular, new light is shed on The Protector (1985.) When viewed side by side, Jackie’s version is superior. Long-time fans will feel vindicated for preferring the Hong Kong versions over the American.
From there, the documentary shifts gears and takes some time to focus on Jackie’s various injuries and brushes with death. Watching them all edited together really makes you appreciate how hard Jackie has worked over the years.
At one point Jackie himself admits he neglected his wife and son for his career but avoids the issue of his extra-marital affairs and his illegitimate daughter altogether. Since then, accusations of domestic abuse and neglect have plagued him. Jackie has always been a master at controlling his image and this film is no exception. The primary focus of Jackie Chan: My Story is in his work, not his personal life. For old and new fans alike, it’s a good way to kill a couple of hours.
I like the idea of only two stories in an episode of Night Gallery, which gives the tales time to stretch out and, thankfully, avoid the comedy. Well, let’s see what happens.
Directed by Don Taylor and written by Rod Serling, “The Messiah On Mott Street” finds Abraham Goldman (Edward G. Robinson) dying on Christmas Eve in the apartment he shares with his nine-year-old grandson Mikey (Ricky Powell). While his doctor Morris Levine (Tony Roberts) wants him to go to the hospital, Abraham is more concerned about the well-being of Mikey, who is an orphan. When the Angel of Death comes to his bed, Mikey runs into the snowy streets looking for the Messiah to save the only person who has been there for him.
He finds Santa Claus and man dressed as Jesus who is preaching the end of all things. As Mikey cowers in fear, he’s saved by a black man named Buckner (Yaphet Kotto) who he feels has to be the Messiah. He begs him to see his grandfather and save him. When they arrive, the Angel of Death has come again and promises that he will come for Abraham at midnight. And while the doctor laughs at the idea of the black man being the Messiah, perhaps happiness can exist even in a Night Gallery episode.
“The Painted Mirror” is directed and written by Gene Kearney. It’s about an antique store owned by Frank Standish (Arthur O’Connell) and Mrs. Moore (Zsa Zsa Gabo) who always seem at odds. When a customer named Ellen Chase (Rosemary DeCamp) brings in an ancient mirror, completely covered in black paint, Mrs. Moore will only carry it on consignment. It obsesses Frank, who removes the paint to reveal a prehistoric scene that viewers can reach into. Of course, this leads to the cruel Mrs. Moore and her dog being trapped there, painted over and inside the past, as a giant dinosaur comes after her.
This episode has one of Serling’s most touching screenplays and some great acting in the first story, so nearly no matter what follows it, it still has to be seen as a well-made episode. Along with Soylent Green, it’s hard to see an obviously ill Robinson play dying men, but he was a working actor who kept appearing in films and television up until his death. As for the second story, the stop-motion animation is really good and it’s a quick and fun installment.
April 7: Jackie Day — Celebrate Jackie Chan’s birthday!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London. She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics. For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet @Jennxldn
Dragons Forever was the last of the “three brothers” films, starring Jackie Chan, and his opera school brothers Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao. This makes the flimsy environment vs. greed storyline less interesting than the powerful themes of friendship and loyalty.
Jackie plays a horny self-serving lawyer who spends a lot of his time trying to keep Sammo and Yuen Biao from beating each other up. It is possible that much of the personality conflicts between the three leads reflected the real life disharmony between the three men at that time. Throughout the film they are constantly opposing each other only to later vow eternal friendship. It is well known that Jackie Chan and Sammo have had their falling outs in real life (there are many rumors as to why) but they have always remained loyal to each other. It appears that no difference of opinion, creative or otherwise, can break the bonds of growing up together in Yu Jim Yuen’s Peking Opera School.
As expected, the action is top-notch with Yuen Biao stealing the show as the loveable psycho. He wears bright yellow sweaters on covert operations and in the subtitled version, pontificates non-stop on modern society. Yuen Biao is the best acrobat and martial artist of the three by far. He should’ve been a bigger star.
Sammo Hung doesn’t get to do much fighting this time compared to the Project A films, but he serves up some of the best choreography of his career with the help of another of the Seven Little Fortunes opera group, Corey Yuen Kwai. Yuen Wah makes an appearance as the comedic villain, bringing the total number of “little fortunes” to five. This film features the famous re-match between Jackie and Benny “The Jet” Urquidez from Wheels on Meals which pales compared to the original bout, but is still great. Sammo was always a better director than Jackie. His versatility shines through superbly here, pivoting flawlessly between action and situational comedy. Overall, it’s very enjoyable viewing experience.
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