The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Miss Nymphet’s Zap-In (1970)

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Herschell Gordon Lewis week (July 14 – 20) HG seemed to truly love packing theaters. He’s most famous for introducing gore to horror movies, but he’d fill any need that the audience had. He made every genre of exploitation __ – even kids movies! Gore movies would’ve happened eventually, but Herschell seemed to take joy in crafting gross-out shocks for unsuspecting cineasts. INTERESTING FACT! HG Lewis was a huge fan of Kentucky Fried Chicken and had them cater all of his productions. Col. Harland Sanders himself appeared in Lewis’ Blast Off Girls!

Sheldon Seymour is Herschell Gordon Lewis. Miss Nymphet’s Zap-In is Laugh-In. The difference is that this has nudity and the jokes aren’t as good. Then again, to younger people who never watched Laugh-In, this is going to seem strange. And really, it may only be important to hardcore fans of the Godfather of Gore.

The song “Miss Nymphet (Zap!)” by The Zaps, who are really Herschell’s son Robert, plays throughout the movie and you get jokes like this:

Go-Go Dancer #1: Do you know how to catch one of us topless dancers?

Go-Go Dancer #2: I’ll tell you. With a booby trap!

It’s also a lot like the cartoons that would be in a rip off of Playboy like Cavalier or Flirt. 

Actresses in this include Dixie Donovan (Angelica: The Young Vixen), Luanne Roberts (Bonnie’s Kids), Phyllis Stengel (Take It Out In Trade), Julie Conners (Night of the Witches and the adult movie that nearly ruined Lash LaRue, Hard On the Trail), Bambi Allen (who plays Miss Nymphet; she was also in Lash of Lust), Mary Jane Shippen (Don’t Just Lay There) and Debbie Osborne (The Cult).

I’m going to watch all of Lewis’ movies, so sometimes you have to work your way through some rough ones. The rounder 1970s bodies helped.

You can watch this on Cultpix.

CBS LATE MOVIE MONTH: The Intruder Within (1981)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: The Intruder Within was on the CBS Late Movie on August 14, 1986 and May 28, 1987.

While Alien is by no means a wholly originally film — just watch Bava’s Planet of the Vampires — its success has begat a spawn (Deadly Spawn, too) of imitators. I’ve made it my insane mission to watch as many of them as possible — I can guarantee that at least one or two of them will be much better than the last outing — the space turd known as Prometheus.

One of the first rip-offs — I say it in a nice way — was 1981’s American TV movie, The Intruder Within.

Back in the day, Starlog was hyping this film as an almost sequel to Alien. With the popularity of the film, folks were ravenous to see more chest bursters in action. That said — this has nothing to do with the original other than stealing just about every single plot point.

Instead of space, this film goes to a more terrain — yet not less remote — location: an oil rig packed with folks like Chad Everett (TV’s Medical Center, Mulholland Drive, Airplane II) as our mustachioed hero, Jennifer Warren (Mutant, Slap Shot) as his love interest and fellow rig worker, Joseph Bottom (The Black Hole) as the villain, Rocke Tarkington (Ice Pirates) and Paul Larsson (The Blaster from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome!). It’s worth noting that every conversation the characters have — pre-alien — is about hooking up. They’re far from the mainland and feeling the urge to just get it on because all the drilling is getting them hot and bothered.

I hesitate to even write the plot to this, as I could just write the plot for Alien: crew finds eggs, someone goofs about and pays the price, the monster starts stalking the ship, hijinks ensue. Again — this film is hypersexualized, as one of the first monster attacks is more rape than attack. And there’s always a KY jelly like substance leaking out of everything. It’s also pretty bleak — the raped crew member dies after she gives birth to a full-sized alien and just about everyone dies pretty horribly — if off-camera, as this was still broadcast TV.

There’s also one well-done section of the film that explains that whatever the creature is, it predates the Biblical Flood and has lived beneath the ice for millions of years — very Lovecraftian themes that are never followed up on, sadly. Plus, being the ’80s, there’s a subplot about the oil company Zortron and how they may want the creature and eggs more than the oil (again, a plot point taken straight from Alien) and some character work about cheating spouses.

The actual creature suit is pretty nice and holds up well to being in the light. It was created by James Cummins, who also contributed to House, DeepStar Six (I’ll be getting to that one), Enemy Mine and The Beast Within. It’s very Giger-influenced to the point that many people incorrectly report that Giger worked on it. That said, it’s pretty strange to see an alien climb a ladder!

For all the exposition, set-up and character development, this movie ends just when it seems like it’s picking up steam. Who knew all it takes is a flare gun to defeat an alien? It certainly surprised me! The Intruder Within got to the party early, but it’s not the best of movies — filled with blocked off TV movie direction, too dark camerawork and a short running time. That said — it still has some charm and you can find worse ways to spend 100 minutes.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CBS LATE MOVIE MONTH: Beyond the Door (1974)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Beyond the Door was on the CBS Late Movie on November 9, 1979 and January 30, 1981.

There are rip-offs of The Exorcist. And then there are rip-offs where copyright infringement lawsuits lead to Warner Brothers getting a cash settlement and a portion of the film’s future revenue. Beyond the Door would be the latter. It’s $40 million worldwide gross meant that this film would a film draw the ire and call of that most Satanic of all monsters, the suits and the lawyers.

Directed by Ovidio G. Assonitis, who wrote 1979’s most insane film The Visitor and directed Tentacles and Madhouse (and he was also CEO of Cannon, producing films like Lambada and American Ninja 5), the film opens with Satan literally speaking, promising to give a man ten more years of life if he knocks up a woman. Oh yeah — there’s also a naked female on a light up crucifix.

Jessica Barrett (Juliet Mills, TV’s Nanny and the Professor) is pregnant with her third child, which leads to the typical symptoms — strange voices, throwing up blood, screaming all night long. You know — the normal stuff.

Her other kids are also impacted by all this Satanic panic going on in the Barrett house, as her husband Robert (Gabriele Lavia, Deep Red) tries to help. Turns out an old lover, Dmitri (Richard Johnson, Dr. Menard from Zombi!) has something to do with all of this, as he’s the man Satan was speaking to in the opening of the film. He offers to help Jessica, but he’s really trying to ensure that her baby is born because it’s gonna be the Antichrist (DUM DUM DUM)!

The possessor ends up killing Dmitri after asking him to reach into Jessica and pull out her baby. She vomits blackness all over his face, so he starts banging on her stomach while yelling, “LIES! LIES LIES!” So the devil sends him back over that cliff in his car, killing him.

A dove flies by as we find Jessica on a boat, covered with a robe and wearing sunglasses. She has lost the baby but regained her life. Children run and play everywhere. Meanwhile, we cut to a young child unwrapping a gift, which contains a red car. He tosses it overboard, revealing that he’s the Antichrist. Or maybe he’s Jessica’s kid? Who knows. Who can say? He does have glowing eyes, so there’s that.

Beyond the Door zigs where The Exorcist zags. Instead of “Tubular Bells,” we get 70’s funk. Instead of priests, we get weird ex-lovers. Instead of kids being possessed, here they are just foul-mouthed little bastards.

Tales from the Crypt S4 E4: Seance (1992)

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Directed by Gary Fleder (Kiss the Girls) and written by Harry Anderson (yes, Judge Harry Stone), “Seance” has Benny Polosky (Ben Cross) and Alison Peters (Cathy Moriarty) try to take the money of Presco Chalmers (John Vernon) by telling him that Benny is the lawyer of Chalmers’ uncle Albert, who robbed a bank and invested the money, which made him $3 million dollars before he died. Now, they can help Chalmers get the money if he pays off Benny. Then again, this Tales from the Crypt, so things don’t work out.

“It was another one of those hot LA days. Things were about to get interesting when she walked in. Her name was Samantha and she was beautiful. A regular corpus delecti with a great chest…cavity, that is. Something in her socket said beware. Must’ve been the way she said hello to me. So, sweetheart. You say your husband’s been cheating on you with another ghoul? That it? Well, I’ll be glad to hear your story but first I’ve got a tawdry tale of my own to tell. It’s about a couple of scam artists who want to make a killing, providing they don’t kill each other first. I call it “Seance.””

The problem is that Benny feels bad about this and as he and Alison fight, Chalmers is killed by an elevator. Alison thinks that they can get the money of they now con his blind widow, Dorothy (Ellen Crawford), with a seance. This brings out Chalmers ghost, which kills both of the criminals, yanking Alison’s heart right out of her chest. Turns out that Madame Leona (Lupe Ontiveros) isn’t the carnie that everyone took her as.

This episode is based on “Seance!” which was in The Vault of Horror #25 and was written and drawn by Johnny Craig. The original story has two con men working with Chalmers, but has a similar seance ending.

CBS LATE MOVIE MONTH: Moonshine County Express (1977)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Moonshine County Express was on the CBS Late Movie on September 21, 1979 and October 16, 1981.

The Hammer Sisters are the kind of tough Southern girls that deal with their daddy’s murder by taking over his moonshine business, grabbing some weapons and being way tougher than any of the men they battle. Is that enough to get you to watch this movie?

What if I told you that it was directed by the same man who brought us The Evil, The Side Hackers and the movie based on the song Take This Job and Shove It?

Not yet? How does John Saxon playing a Southern stock car racer and moonshine runner sound? Not yet?

How about Susan Howard, former Dallas actress turned 700 Club host and NRA supporter?

William Conrad? Jeff Corey? Len “Uncle Leo” Lasser? Maurine “Marcia Brady” McCormick? Still not sold?

I get it. John Saxon was enough for me. But then I thought, I bet this movie has Claudia Jennings in it. And I was right. And that’s all it took.

What was it about American pop culture that took hicksploitation from the drive-in to the mainstream? I remember it myself — everyone had a CB radio, we all turned into The Dukes of Hazzard and watched Smokey and the Bandit on HBO. Heck, I even had a silver NASCAR jacket that made me look like a 5-year-old pit crew member.

From the very first moment that John Saxon appears on screen and does his best version of a Southern accent, I was thoroughly entertained by this silly trifle of a film. It’s a Roger Corman 1970’s drive-in movie, so you’re going to get plenty of cars getting smashed up, scummy bad guys and “100 proof women” like Candice Rialson (Chatterbox, Pets).

You can watch this on Tubi.

YOR HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE COMIC!

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In 1974, Argentinean master storytellers Ray Collins and Juan Zanotto created Henga el Cazador, known in the English-speaking world as Yor, the Hunter from the Future! An elegantly drawn pulp adventure on par with other classic barbarian stories, Yor’s comic book saga has much richer detail and backstory than the legendary cult film!

Antarctic Press is publishing four fully packed, 40-page volumes that introduce Yor’s world, where he battles dinosaurs and rescues his mate from a cult of barbaric Blue Men!

Editor and translator Steve Ross and cover artists Kelsey Shannon and Fred Perry have put together something amazing. You may know my love of Yor, so you have to understand just how exciting this is for me.

Ask your local comic book store to order it for you and check out the listing for the second issue in Previews.

Want to read more about this movie?

Blackout (2024)

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Joseph Perry writes for the film websites Gruesome Magazine, The Scariest Things, Horror Fuel, The Good, the Bad and the Verdict and Diabolique Magazine; for the film magazines Phantom of the Movies’ VideoScope and Drive-In Asylum; and for the pop culture websites When It Was Cool and Uphill Both Ways. He is also one of the hosts of When It Was Cool’s exclusive Uphill Both Ways podcast and can occasionally be heard as a cohost on Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror: The Classic Era podcast.

Lara Shultz (Nicole Cates) is a hitwoman with a difference — she suffers from dissociative amnesia. In Director Sean Justin Norona’s action/thriller short Blackout, Shultz goes on an existential journey she didn’t expect to take, but it’s one from which she can never turn back. 

Norona, who cowrote the screenplay with Kayla Lucky, packs quite a bit into Blackout’s 19-minutes running time. Along with learning how Lara came to be a killer for hire, plenty of well-choreographed hand-to-hand combat and gunplay are on display. The short offers much more than simply action, though, as it really takes viewers inside the mind of its protagonist.

Cates makes for a strong lead, delivering solid narration and an impressive physical performance. Norona helms the short well. His choreography captures the proceedings nicely and his editing keeps the events flowing at a brisk clip.

Blackout is a super-assassin origin story that works just fine as a complete tale in short-film time, but I think the world building on display here has the potential for a highly intriguing feature film. 

Blackout is currently on the film festival circuit.

PATER NOSTER AND THE MISSION OF LIGHT TRAILER!

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The eagerly awaited underground horror movie from Christopher Bickel, Pater Noster and the Mission of Light, enters its final stages of post-production with an anticipated release in Autumn 2024.

Pater Noster and the Mission of Light is the brainchild of the adventurous underground director whose previously acclaimed works The Theta Girl and Bad Girls have sent shockwaves through the underground film community. With an acclaimed track record of unsettling and thought-provoking films, Bickel is poised to take audiences on a nightmarish lysergic hellride that will linger long after the credits roll.

The film tells the story of Max, a young record store clerk who stumbles upon a rare vinyl LP and is drawn into the world of a 1970s hippie commune. An invitation to the remnants of the outlandish cult and their unholy spawn leads to grave and grisly circumstances for Max and her friends.

The film’s producers have pulled off a no-budget coup in bringing this grim vision to life, with a team of award-winning practical special effects artists and a hauntingly atmospheric score that will immerse audiences in a world of relentlessly trippy terror.

While one single name on half the credits is generally considered something less than a “trademark of quality,” Writer/Director/Producer/Cinematographer/Editor Christopher Bickel claims to be an “auteur out of financial necessity.”

“We make underground films with very little money for the love of the art. This is literally my back yard we’re shooting in. Everything we do is like the Little Rascals putting on a show for the neighborhood kids. That’s not to say that we don’t take great pains to make our products the best possible quality with the resources we have. Everything I know about filmmaking, I learned from punk rock. The movies we make are punk rock demo tapes. We operate outside of Hollywood focus groups and traditional distribution routes.”

Bickel’s CV includes stints as a columnist for MaximumRockNRoll magazine and Dangerous Minds. He was also singer in the punk bands In/Humanity and Guyana Punch Line, as well as the brains behind prolific avant garde recording project Anakrid. His two previous feature films are distributed world-wide and have received wide critical acclaim.

As Pater Noster and the Mission of Light enters the final stages of post-production, fans are eagerly anticipating its release, propelling a successful  crowd-funding campaign (https://www.paternostermovie.com/ ) as well as a grass-roots promotional campaign centered around the advance release of the film’s soundtrack. The crowdfunding campaign reached its goal within 4 days of launch.

An entire album’s worth of songs were written and recorded for the film to play the part of the Cult’s immersive psychedelic head-music. This music will be released as both a double LP record set and as a 5.1 surround audio disc accompanying the Blu Ray release of the film. The album features sax work by Tim Cappello, the iconic “sexy sax man” from The Lost Boys (who also stars in the film) as well as remixes by Andrew Liles of Nurse With Wound.

For updates on the release date and promotional events leading up to the premiere, follow the film’s official social media channels and website for exclusive behind-the-scenes content, sneak peeks, and more spine-tingling surprises that will leave you counting down the days until the movie’s arrival.

The movie’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551934676191

Dr. Terrible’s House of Horrible (2001)

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Exploitation-film historian A.C. Nicholas, who has a sketchy background and hails from parts unknown in Western Pennsylvania, was once a drive-in theater projectionist and disk jockey. In addition to being a writer, editor, podcaster, and voice-over artist, he’s a regular guest co-host on the streaming Drive-In Asylum Double Feature and has been a guest on the Making Tarantino podcast. He also contributes to the Drive-In Asylum fanzine. His most recent essay, “Of Punks and Stains and Student Films: A Tribute to Night Flight, the 80s Late-Night Cult Sensation,” appeared in Drive-In Asylum #26.

Two of cinemas oldest and most venerable genres are horror and comedy. Thomas Edison famously produced a version of Frankenstein in 1910, but the earliest known silent horror film is Georges Méliès’s Le Manoir du Diable, a/k/a The Haunted Castle and The House of the Devil (1896), which followed fellow countryman Louis Lumière’s L’Arroseur Arrosé (1885), the first screen comedy. It took some time, but D.W. Griffith did a genre mash-up with the first horror–comedy, One Exciting Night, in 1922. And that genre has been going strong ever since. 

Yet for every wonderful modern horror–comedy like Shaun of the Dead or Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, there are a half-dozen less-successful examples, like Pandemonium or the sequels in the Scary Movie franchise. Film critic Pauline Kael once wrote that it was the rare filmmaker who could mix comedy and horror successfully—with the comedy increasing the suspense and the horror making the comedy funnier. She cited Brian DePalma’s Dressed to Kill and Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre as the best examples. I would add An American Werewolf in London, Return of the Living Dead, Dead Alive, Army of Darkness, and Night of the Creeps to the small list of funny/scary films.

But not all horror–comedies aspire to work at that dual level. Most are simply flat-out spoofs or parodies. And most don’t work because the filmmakers, instead of bringing something fresh to table, thought that all they needed was to insert a few random horror references, and fans would eat it all up simply by recognizing those references. This is the laziest type of filmmaking imaginable. (Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer made a fortune doing this with their genre spoofs like Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans.) The best parodies not only replicate the tropes but also having a genuine respect for the genre. For martial arts movies, for example, Black Dynamite and the A Fistful of Yen sequence from Kentucky Fried Movie are affectionate and hilarious. 

Which brings me to one of the best, but least seen, horror–comedies, Dr. Terrible’s House of Horrible (2001), a six-episode TV series for BBC Two created by beloved comedian Steve Coogan and his long-time collaborator Graham Duff. This show is unique in that each episode parodies a different horror sub-genre from Britain in the 60s and 70s. In other words, it feels like it was made just for me, which warmed my heart to no end.

Dr. Terrible, a decrepit old codger—think a less skeletal Crypt Keeper—played by Steve Coogan in heavy make-up hosts the show. Coogan also shows up in each episode, along with some recognizable British actors. With that set-up out of the way, let’s look at the individual episodes.

Lesbian Vampire Lovers of Lust: The first-aired episode is a terrific take-off on Hammer Films’ Carmilla Karnstein series: The Vampire Lovers, Lust for a Vampire, and Twins of Evil. Coogan plays a soldier, Captain Hans Broken, who along with his new bride, Carmina, runs afoul of the sexy vampire Countess Kronsteen. Supporting Coogan are fellow comedian Ben Miller, who starred in Primeval and Death in Paradise, and Honor Blackman from Goldfinger and TV’s The Avengers. In addition to the lovely Hammer touches, like the candlelit castle and lesbian bloodsuckers in diaphanous white gowns, the episode features the puns and double entendres that would distinguish the series: “He approached me from behind… I drew my sword.”

Frenzy of Tongs: This is a Terror of the Tongs/Fu Manchu spoof with Coogan as adventurer Nathan Blaze squaring off against horror superfan Mark Gatiss as the evil Hang Man Chang. Yep, it’s just as politically incorrect as those old “yellow menace” films. One character is named Sir Donald Tyburn. (Talk about an obscure horror reference!)

Curse of the Blood of the Lizard of Doom: The weakest episode of the series is a plain-vanilla riff on the “doctor meddling in things he shouldn’t” films like The Blood-Beast Terror; I, Monster; and The Creeping Flesh. Coogan injects himself with a serum that turns him into a large reptile. Simon Pegg from Shaun of the Dead has a cameo.

And Now the Fearing…: If you could tell from the title that this is a parody of a film from Amicus, noted for their horror anthologies, then you’ll love this episode. Parroting the familiar framing devices of Tales from the Crypt and The Vault of Horror, three strangers trapped in a stuck elevator tell each other stories of the supernatural. Oliver Tobias, from the The Stud with Joan Collins, is the guest star.

Voodoo Feet of Death: After a tragic—and hysterical—accident, it looks like ballroom dancing champion Coogan’s career is over. That is, until he receives a transplant, feet from a murderer, in an obvious nod to Hands of a Stranger and its many variations. Busy actor Timothy Pigott-Smith and Sasha Alexander from the Britcom Coupling stop by.

Scream Satan Scream!: Saving the best episode for last, Coogan and Duff take on the classic folk-horror film Witchfinder General. It’s a laugh riot with Coogan playing Captain Tobias Slater, Witch Locater. (Just typing that makes me laugh.) Angela Pleasance from José Larraz’s Symptoms and other genre items is here, along with former Ewok Warwick Davis, who plays a dwarf named “Tigon.” (If you don’t get that cute reference, then you need to brush up on your Brit horror.)

Dr. Terrible—despite being one of the smartest, funniest things around and starring the hugely popular Coogan—was not a ratings success for the BBC. It’s easy to see why: It’s just too “inside baseball.” Unless you’re intimately familiar with the films being parodied, you’ll be mystified and find it not very funny, like a lot of critics when it originally aired. But if you’ve seen even a few Hammer or Amicus films, you’re in for a treat. The show fulfills the requirements of the best horror–comedies: It replicates the tropes, not to mention each horror studio’s signature style, with wit and loving affection. Check it out—and be prepared to go “oh, what an obscure reference!” and laugh out loud. Dr. Terrible’s House of Horrible is fantastic, one of the best horror–comedies ever. The series is available for streaming on Amazon Prime Video.