I feel sad as I begin the final chapter of Yor’s World. It was as if I found a sequel to a movie that’s 34 years old, another part of the story that I never thought I would see. I put it off for some time. But now, I must return to the time of future past and see my hero off to the end of his journey.
Yor wastes no time when a stormtrooper-like robot finds him. “Research unit six calling team leader,” it says. Yor responds by knocking its head off. But taking on a whole bunch of robots? One blue beam later and Yor’s out.
Meanwhile, Pag and Kala wash ashore. A robot sends a message, “Supreme leader, the other two foreign elements are in sector 1-6. We await your orders.” The hooded leader known as Overlord (John Steiner from Salon Kitty, Beyond the Door II and Caligula) watches on his crystal ball , then demands that they be captured as well. As more and more of the troopers land on the beach (their costumes, as well as Overlord’s, were leftover’s from 1979’s The Humanoid, a film that Antonio Margheriti created the FX for), a mysterious blonde man tells Pag and Kala to come with him.
A bunch of scientists place our hero in a tube and start probing him with a bright light. Beeps and boops and 808 sampler sounds play before Enna, a scientist, tells Yor that he has found the place that he has been searching for. This is where his parents are from and where he spent his childhood.
Yor demands to be untied, but Enna can only undo his hands. Only the supreme leader can free him. Turns out that Yor’s medallion has revealed a lot of information. His real name is Galahad, the only son of the rebel named Asgard. The ship that took his family into exile was destroyed. How he survived and who raised him is a mystery.
The Overlord gloats, saying that he’ll allow the moron to know all the secrets of his origin, but that the “kid” is the missing link he has been looking for to complete his genetic engineering theory. Finally, he has the “occasion to exercise his magnitude.”
Enna shows Yor some home movies where we see baby Yor! She shows him the last three chapters of his life, as clips of the film play on her viewscreen. He sees Roa again, who he refers to as “the sweetest moment of my life and the bitterest.” Didn’t we just see a recap at the beginning of this episode? This is padding of the highest order.
The good news is that Yor has learned that Pag and Kala have survived. But now, he has to talk to Overlord, who frees him from the table and tells him, “You’ll learn to know me,” which is a translation that sends me goofballs with joy. He reveals that he was the one who destroyed the village and whoever goes against him or disobeys his orders will be destroyed. In fact, he has already decided to destroy Kala.
Yor just walks away — security isn’t very tight. The Overlord looks pleased at this turn of events as he disappears to watch Yor on his crystal ball. His base looks like a big steel mill crossed with the kind of place the Eloi would live in. A blind scientist appears and tells them that if the Overlord keeps going, he will repeat the history of the world — he will do wrong.
Enna asks how they’ve survived in a world filled with radioactivity. Pag tells her that it’s a beautiful world filled with danger. Pag discusses the androids with the future people, but Kala disappears. Everyone in this scene is dressed like a Jack Kirby character come to life.
Kala wanders the base in search of Yor as the Overlord laughs, watching from afar and playing theremin. They get trapped in a hall of mirrors, able to see one another but not touch. Finally, they embrace and kiss as the Overlord keeps watch.
The Overlord finds them, explaining how radiation sickness has kept his people from repopulating, but they have radiation sickness. That’s why he is replacing them with robots, so that he can build an army that will rid the world of the barbarians.
Yor asks him, if he rules a world of puppets, what is his purpose in life? The Overlord answers: To be a bringer of death. And also life. He wants Yor and Kala to create a new race of androids. But first, he must work on Yor’s brain, to eliminate every unjust thought. And once he has impregnated Kala, he will die.
The future people and Pag arrive to save our heroic couple. The Overlord rallies his troops, telling them to kill everyone. The good guys decide to activate an atomic bomb and wipe out the base, then start over again in Yor’s world. What follows is pure awesome — a barbarian with a laser gun. You honestly cannot get better than that. The movie tries, though, as Yor swings across the nuclear reactor like he’s Luke Skywalker. Even Pag gets in on the action, swinging across like a trapeze artist to save Yor as they set the bomb to go off.
The old blind leader tells the Overlord that he has lost, that they are disabling the base floor by floor. Yor yells for Pag to shoot him, but Enna says that the Overlord is only a shadow or illusion. Yor says fuck it and tries, but his laser has no effect on the final boss. Even impaling the guy with a candy cane colored pole hardly slows him down.
The blind man tells Overlord that only Yor represents the future before shutting down the army of clones. Nearly all of the future men die — one even tells Pag to not let Enna sacrifice herself — as the base begins to self destruct,. Yor does some insane spin kick and press slam kung fu on a robot and Pag adopts to using a laser gun really well for a caveman. He nearly is killed but the final robots are deactivated at the last minute.
Our heroes all board a spaceship, where the old blind man hopes that Yor can build a new planet based on love and understanding, because God forgives us. With that, everything blows up real good and Yor flies away.
The narrator tells us, “Yor returns to the primitive tribes on earth, determined to use this new technology to realize true progress and to prevent a new atomic holocaust for future generations.”
The future is not left up in the air, like in the U.S. version. Yor is going to make everything alright.
Like I said…I’m sad to say goodbye to Yor, Pag and Kala. But good news. I have one more bit of Yor awesomeness to share, so come back tomorrow!