Directed by Joel Silver — normally a producer; this is the only script he has directed — and written by Fred Dekker, this story has a con man named Vic (Joe Pesci) dating twins April Dobbs and June Echeson Blair (Jacqueline Alexandra and Kristen Amber Citron) to get their inheritance. However, things don’t always work out on Tales from the Crypt.
“Oh, hello kiddies! Tonight’s coffin caper is so crammed with ghastly greed, sickening sex, and vomitous violence, that parental guidance is advised. So… guide your parents out of the room, so we can have some fun! (cackles) This tale concerns a gambling man with a bad case of double vision, who’s about to hit the hack-pot. I call this twin helping of horror “Split Personality.””
Vic starts out stealing ten grand from Don (Burt Young), then crashes his car because of two black cats. This leads him to the Blair mansion, where the twins hold him at gunpoint. He uses his smarmy charm to talk about their father’s architectural abilities as he starts to seduce both of them, all to get the $2 billion bucks they are worth. He takes it so far that he creates a twin for himself, Jack, who is him with sunglasses and a ponytail.
He switches identities every month and marries both twins, April as Vic, June as Jack. Things are so good that the girls even discuss just giving themselves at the same time to whatever husband is home. When they discover that there’s only Vic, it’s bad news for him, because just like how they couldn’t stand to share their father, they can’t share him. So they chainsaw him in half and each take a bloody piece back to their beds to fondle and sleep with.
This comes from Vault of Horror #30 and was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Johnny Craig. In that story, the twins are more innocent, but the end of the story is almost the same, as they split the antagonist with an axe.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
When you see the names Brian Trenchard-Smith and Nico Mastorakis listed as producers, you know that you’re probably getting into something good. Also known as Demon Island, this film was directed by Richard Jeffries, who is probably better known for the films that he’s written like Scarecrows and Cold Creek Manor. He’s only directed one other film, the 2008 TV movie Living Hell.
It’s funny, when I discussed this movie earlier today with Bill from Groovy Doom, he referred to it as “the monster movie with no monster.” That’s an apt description.
It’s also about a treasure hunter named Frye (James Earl Jones) whose underwater scavenging brings back an ancient sea monster that demands virgin blood.
Meanwhile, Neil and Sherry (Martin Kove and Mary Louise Weller, who appeared in Q The Winged Serpent the same year as this movie) have come to the island looking for his missing sister Madeline (Deborah Shelton, who also sings the song over the end credits with her then-husband Shuki Levy). Plus, Lydia Cornell stops hanging out with Cosmic Cow on Too Close for Comfort and shows up as Jones’ girlfriend.
Inexplicably, Lila Kedrova from Zorba the Greek and Jose Farrar — well, he’s less of a surprise as Jose may have been the first actor to win the National Medal of Arts, but he’s also in spectacular junk like The Sentinel, Bloody Birthday and The Being — both appear.
Arrow’s write-up promised “blood, nudity and beachside aerobics.” This delivered, as well as some great dream sequences and moments where beachfront rituals seem to go on forever. That said, I had a blast with this movie, as any film that has Martin Kove skipping around the waves holding a miniature engine while the ladies go wild and James Earl Jones yells at everyone will hold my attention.
Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!
Director Zoltan G. Spencer also made The Satanist and Terror at Orgy Castle. This time, he’s telling the story of the Hand of Pleasure, a secret organization of robotic women under the command of Dr. Dreadful (Spencer). He looks like the kind of thing if you saw it outside your home, you’re be terrified, wearing one of those old plastic see-through masks of an old man. Then again, he does say “Please excuse the mask… my face is the greatest horror of them all!” He wants to have his women sleep with spies and learn their secrets while a Sherlock Holmes-looking man — also old — tries to figure out what is happening.
Joe (William Howard, Brides of Lucifer)is one of those spies and his spying consists of watching strip club dancers and sleeping with Jill (Terri Johnson, Blood Sabbath). They end up at the doctor’s wax museum, where he claims “If my sex-transference machine can turn a woman into a man-hating robot, just think what it will do to a man!”
There’s unsynced sound, softcore performances that are so fun that everyone is smiling even when they’re whipping and choking the life out of each other, crazed narration, music that feels like it came from another dimension that we can only dream of listening to more of, stock footage, female and male full frontal, a hero that ends up making love to several women at once at the end even stacking them up as they pass out, a brainwave scanner that seems like something Cobra’s Dr. Venom would make yet only have a metal strainer to use and evil robot women who kill with their pleasurable mouths.
This movie is as wild as you’d hope and also filled with glorious padding, from nude bathing scenes that may still be playing and horse races. I’d go watch it right now if it was in a theater.
Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!
The 70s and its obsession with Bigfoot is something I’ve written about several times. But little did I know The Geek existed, a movie that has no known director that was shot in Oregon and has Lynn Holmes (The Undergraduate), Nora Wieternik (Flesh Gordon) and Rene Bond’s husband Ric Lutze in it. No one is sure who the other actors are, either. They play three couples who are looking for Sasquatch in the woods or as this movie refers to it, The Geek.
Of course, as you expected, all the couples have sex. Perhaps you didn’t think one would say that his sister allowed him to fondle her breasts, but look, this is 1971 sleaze and there aren’t any rules like good taste. We haven’t even gotten to the monster, who looks like Andre the Giant on The Six Million Dollar Man if he got stuck in the costume and kept pissing himself inside it.
This movie is 50 minutes long and finds time to have two crypto sexual assaults in it, which had to be what some people were looking for. I learned that Bigfoot has a small pink member and that he prefers it doggy style. Squatchy style?
This is the kind of adult film that is just so squalid and sweaty and disgusting and you know I had to watch it. There are some things in this life you need to live through, like Bigfoot pornography.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
He may have only lived 48 years, but Harry Kerwin got to make some wild movies, like It’s a Revolution, Mother; Sweet Bird of Aquarius; God’s Bloody Acre; Tomcats and Barracuda. Cheering Section is a pre-Porky’s teen sex comedy that hits a lot of the same locker room beats, just four years before that was made. He wrote this along with his regular partner Wayne Crawford, who went on to write Valley Girl and play Jake Speed.
If you’re going to watch a cheerleading movie, pick The Pom-Pom Girls. But if you choose to watch this, it’s about star athlete Corey (Tom Leindecker) who wants to make his football team a winner but keeps getting involved with the Coach Jackson’s daughter, Melanie (Rhonda Fox). If they win the final game, the coach will allow them to date. That’s it. That’s pretty much the movie, other than a bikini car wash scene. This movie, released by Dimension Films, will make you realize that the New World nurse and cheerleader movies are cinema by comparison.
21st Century re-released this as a double feature with Dr. Minx.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
This is a vansploitation movie. Yes, that’s really a genre and there are several films in it, of which I can name Blue Summer, The Van (obviously), Best Friends, C.B. Hustlers (which has Uschi Digard in it), Mag Wheels, Van Nuys Blvd. and I guess you could almost count On the Air Live with Captain Midnight. There’s a great article on it by Jason Coffman that goes deep into the genre that I totally recommend.
The beauty of this movie is that it posits a world where solar energy is already happening, van culture is the driving force in society and there is no AIDS to worry about, so all of the vans are a rocking and absolutely no one is knocking. It is surely paradise, if paradise only gets 11 miles to the gallon, fuel crisis be damned.
Our hero Clint Morgan has traveled to The Invitational Freak-Out, a major event for custom van enthusiasts, which means that any time we’re near it, we get to see plenty of b-roll footage of painted vans and all of the accouterments — this is not a word you want to use when selling Winnebagos — that they have inside.
Clint saves Karen (Katie Saylor, Invasion of the Bee Girls) from some bikers from another exploitation genre and they destroy his van The Sea Witch. That’s when he goes to the super genius van designer Bosley and together, they all make Supervan, which uses solar power and lasers. It was really made by George Barris — who designed so many other Hollywood cars — and was based on a stock Dodge Sportsman van. This thing was so big that it had a phone intercom system inside it.
Oh yeah. It turns out that Karen’s dad owns a car company that is out to make a van that uses more gas than ever before — what does it get 3 miles to the gallon? — and they have to take Supervan to the show to prevent him from making it happen, but he puts the cops on their tail.
We’ve seen Clint before on our site, as Mark Schneider is also in the Crown International Pictures movie Burnout, which is one of the few dragsterpolitation movies I can think of, so perhaps he is the perfect star for all things vehicular in nature.
Director Lamar Card is also there, in the nooks and crannies of strange movies that I find myself obsessed with, like producing the scumtastic Nashville Girl and directing the only Fabian-starring, Casey Kasem-coke sniffing disco freakout Disco Fever.
Beyond the near gynecological explorations of all of these vans at the absolute expense of story, this movie has a cameo by Charles Bukowski — the firebrand of a man who wrote “what matters most is how well you walk through the fire” — judging a wet t-shirt contest. I am in no way making that up.
There’s never really been a movie like Supervan. To be fair, I don’t think the world could have handled two. To quote the love ballad from the film, when I think of Supervan, “I’ll always remember you as a milestone in my life.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
This movie has so many names, but that’s because it was released both before and after Jackie Chan became a big star in Hong Kong in Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow and Drunken Master. In 1979, a version with new inserts and a Jackie stand-in showed up in Hong Kong. This goes by names like Little Tiger of Canton, Ten Fingers of Death and after it was sold to producer Dick Randall, he dubbed and repackaged it as Master with Cracked Fingers. He sold to 21st Century who released it in 1981 as Snake Fist Ninja.
Hsiao Hu (Jackie Chan) has been forbidden to fight by order of his foster father (Tien Feng). However, he’s been training with a beggar known as “The Man Who Isn’t There” (Yuen Siu Tien, in new footage where he’s playing the same role as Drunken Master) and soon learns that his real father was murdered when protecting the people. However, all that fighting back causes the gang to kill his adopted patriarch and now Hsiao Hu has two reasons to get a pound of flesh from these criminals.
If you bought cheap VHS back in the day, you probably got this remixed Jackie movie along with Fantasy Mission Force.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
Director Li Kuan-Chang also made The Cub Tiger from Kwangtung, which was rereleased as The Master With Cracked Fingers after Jackie Chan became a bigger deal. This rips off Fist of Fury and The Big Boss while trying to make you think its a Bruce Lee movie.
It stars Tong Lung, who spends more time running than fighting in this, but to paraphrase the words of MXC, “He’s not running from, he’s running to.” This has him fighting the Japanese who are invading China, much like the aforementioned Bruce Lee movies. Otherwise, it’s not your normal Bruceploitation. It’s more just a kung fu movie brought to the U.S. to cash in on the martial arts craze of the early 70s.
This was brought to the U.S. by 21st Century, who renamed it Challenge the Dragon. They also licensed it to Continental Video.
Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!
Edward Earle Marsh started acting as a young kid, potentially playing of the Three Little Pigs in the Laurel and Hardy movie Babes in Toyland, with Errol Flynn in The Adventures of Robin Hood and as a slave in The End Commandments. In the 60s, he recorded the album I’ll Sing for You with the London Philharmonic Orchestra. This was the first time he’d use the name Zebedy Colt and the record was probably shocking for its time, singing songs to men that were usually sung by women to men.
He would come back to that name when he was looking for a way to make money while struggling on Broadway (he was Anthony Newley’s understudy in The Roar of the Greasepaint, The Smell of the Crowd and was also in Dark at the Top of the Stairs, The Royal Family and Travesties). He was recognized by his fellow actors several times, include Sandy Dennis, who saw him in an adult film that she took her mother to see.
After appearing in movies like Sex Wish, The Story of Joanna and Barbara Broadcast, he started to direct — something he continued to do in New Jersey and Pennsylvania regional theater — from his Lambertville, New Jersey farm. His movies include Farmer’s Daughters (starring Spalding Gray), White Fire, Terri’s Revenge and Unwilling Lovers.
Strangest of those movies is The Devil Inside Her, a movie set in 1826, somewhere in New England. Two sisters, Faith (Terri Hall, Rollerbabies, which fortells that in the not too distant future, sex will be illegal. But there will be Rollerbabies) and Hope (Jody Maxwell, Neon Nights) are both in love with a farmhand named Joseph (Dean Tait). Their father, Ezekiel (Colt), hates this and flogs Faith for having lust in her heart.
Instead of waiting for the punishment from her father, Hope prays to the devil (Rod DuMont), who begins to possess each of the members of the family. You can tell because they have face paint on, just like he does. Satan ends up looking more like Moloch from CHiPs than KISS or King Diamond, but when you see what a few demons do to Annie Sprinkle later, you’ll know that he’s the real cloven hoofed deal. That’s what you get when you meet a witch in the woods and milk a young boy, unleashing “the human snake that grows to fill the void.”
Someone had to prove how smart they are and write this on IMDB: “The opening scene states that this film is set in 1826, however several actors are wearing modern denim overalls and blue jeans. Denim jeans were not patented and produced until 1873, by Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis.”
You’re expecting perfect costumes from an adult movie made in the 70s.
Anyways, this all ends with Joseph and father trying to save Hope — never mind that every family member has co-mingled more than every character in every V.C. Andrews book put together — and laying crosses on her. She responds by saying, “Go fuck yourself in Heaven! You have ruined it all with your cocks of impurity!” As she dies, it seems like this is an unhappy ending, until Satan is revealed, holding her under his cape.
If it all seems like Faith would like to live deliciously, well, this may not have influenced The Witch but damn it all if it isn’t really similar. Except, you know, one of them is a movie with a budget and this is an adult film shot in a few days on a farm. Somehow, this one ends with only one person dead, a father recognizing his daughter’s marriage and new husband, and the dead daughter achieving the true love she never had in life within the arms of Lucifer. “Love of God cannot be so oppressive that one forgets pure love and honest desire,” is spoken and somehow, a movie that is absolute filth — seriously, this goes below and beyond what even your internet connected dirty mind can look up — has a moral even in the midst of absolute immorality.
Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!
Herbert S. Altman directed one other movie, the Lenny Bruce film Dirtymouth, and co-director Robert Worms was the director of Terror On Tape. Together with writer Bill Boyd — one and done — they made what may be the strangest take on Richard Connell’s story. They go by the name Eve. This is the first time an adaptation would have a female hunter.
Actor Charles Freeman (Dick Lord), druggie Buddy (Frank Geraci) and former pro wrestler Rocco (Jake LaMotta, the raging bull!) have all been acquitted of murder — Charles killed a lover’s husband, Buddy gave a girlfriend an overdose and Rocco wouldn’t stop beating on another fighter — at some time in their lives but are now on the skids. They’re gathered by Virginia Marcus (Eileen Lord, a one and done as well and that’s a shame because she’s beyond bonkers in this), a wealthy woman who offers them $100,000 each if they can survive for one day with her hunting them throughout New York City.
None of them make it. Charles gets the acting role he’s always wanted, but it’s a set-up to be shot with an arrow. Rocco gets treated like a bull as Virginia dresses like a matador and uses the traditional bullfight weapons to murder him. Buddy gets away, but just for a few hours and soon dies, killed looking for a fix.
Those are the original 55 minutes of this movie. The other 15 minutes that were added later are nude women, added so that this could play in art theaters. Virginia is unhinged, becoming a hunter after her brother threw her dog off the roof — “I was glad when it died!” she barks at her psychoanalyst — and she ends up screaming in a straightjacket, back to being a little girl by the end.
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