The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Long Jeanne Silver (1977)

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Jeanne Silver was born in Tempe, Arizona with a missing fibula in one leg , which meant that the bottom half of it had to be amputated. After running away to New York City at the age of 16, she danced in clubs — she had already started that back home at 15 after being busted several times for burglary — before posing for adult magazines and performing in adult films.

Directed by Alex De Renzy, this is a collection of scenes with Jeanne that doesn’t shy away from showing off her leg. It begins with her looking at her own centerfold in Cheri before looking right at you, the viewer, and saying, “My name is Long Jeanne Silver and I’m handicapped and horny! Due to a quirk of nature I was born with a bigger dick than John Holmes, and baby, you better believe I know how to use it!”

When this played Hollywood sin palaces after Mike Weldon bought it, people kept walking out and what seemed like a sure-fire sensation wasn’t drawing. That’s because the scene where Jean takes a young man’s backside offended people. Go figure. Johnny Legend, the future director of My Breakfast With Blassie, had the job of figuring that out and then going from theater to theater to trim that moment of onscreen gomorrahy.

Today, Silver is alive and well in Arizona. She even showed up in Clownado a few years back. Her kindness is something to take notice of, as she routinely keeps in contact with her fellow actors and even handles funeral arrangements for them. She never forgets a birthday, either.

As for this film, you may be offended by it, but it shows that everyone has a right to sexual expression. If anything, Jeanne’s birth defect didn’t handicap her. Instead, it just opened her world to some wild adventures.

CANNON MONTH 3: Night Creature (1978)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

If you want to see what Donald Pleasence movies I’ve seen, here’s the Letterboxd list. I love him because he was a working actor. Like John Carradine, he was there when you needed him. And at times, he’d show just how good he was. But he’s a workmanlike — in a good way — presence in so many movies.

Directed by Lee Madden (The Night God Screamed, the Alan Smithee who made Ghost Fever) and written by Hugh Smith (second unit director of Abby, writer of The Glove), Night Creature has Pleasence as Axel MacGregor, a writer and big game hunter who has unleashed a deadly black panther and doomed everyone around him which is a real problem as his daughters Leslie (Nancy Kwan, Wonder Women) and Georgia (Jennifer Rhodes) have just come to town along with Ross (Ross Hagen, who also produced this movie), a guide who seems pretty sleazy.

All this movie should be about is Pleasence hunting this animal that has already hurt him and he’s brought it to his turf for one last battle. You have the great thespian monologuing and trying to imitate the big beast and man, his eyes bugging out and him snarling and that’s the best.

At times, I’m given to just yelling out Pleasence line reads, like “The evil is gone” and “I shot him six times.” I celebrate him eating at a salad bar in 90s giallo. I’ve read that he drank through this entire movie and I in no way want to judge him for that. My memories of the actor are always wonderful and he lives again every time someone watches one of his films, whether he’s playing a President, the devil or a preacher who turns into a warthog.

This was released by Dimension Pictures and rereleased by 21st Century.

CANNON MONTH 3: The Forest (1982)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

The Forest is unlike any other slasher you’ve ever seen. Sure, it has murders in the woods, campers and stalking scenes. But it gets weirder than almost any other slasher would dare, pushing itself to the edge of absurdity while subverting anything you’d expect.

The killer — John — is played by Gary Kent, a stuntman whose work extends from his debut in Battle Flame through the films of Al Adamson and Roger Corman, emerging as the inspiration for Cliff Booth in Once…Upon A Time In Hollywood and the subject of the documentary Danger God. He’s not just a killer in this. He’s not just a cannibal. He’s a killer cannibal haunted by the wife and children that he murdered in a fit of rage.

Two couples — Steve and Sharon plus Charlie and Teddi — have decided to go into the woods for a vacation. The girls meet the ghosts the first evening, as they first meet the kids and then are confronted by their mother. If a ghost can be insane, hers definitely is.

When they were all still alive, the woman slept around on her husband to the point that he killed her, took off for the woods with his kids and watched them commit suicide, which was finally made him lose his mind and became the hermit human flesheater we meet in this film, the kind of maniac who’d feed a man his girlfriend.

The craziest thing about this movie is that Sharon ends up being the real hero — not just a final girl — and the two men are shown to be, at best, victims and at worst, total morons. Only she is capable, strong and able to survive, perhaps because she has connected to the dead children of the killer.

Even stranger, she was played by Tomi Barrett, who was the wife of Kent.

Shot in 13 days, this movie doesn’t get mentioned enough. Don Jones, the writer and director, would also Who Killed Cock Robin?The Love Butcher, Schoolgirls In Chains and Sweater Girls — all quality films.

21st Century rereleased this as Terror In the Forest.

CANNON MONTH 3: Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde (1976)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

American-International Pictures’ Blacula was a big success. Its director, William Crain, and AIP wanted to make more black films that were classic stories retold for a new audience. What’s interesting here that while adapting Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson, the evil side of Dr. Henry Pride (Bernie Casey) appears to be a mix of King Kong, Frankenstein’s Monster and an evil white man.

Pride may be a celebrated and wealthy African American medical doctor, but as he fails to discover a cure for cirrhosis of the liver — along with his colleague Dr. Billie Worth (Rosalind Cash) — he begins to experiment on himself and others. Coming just a few years after the way our government treated the Tuskegee airmen with their syphilis experiments, this feels like not only a crime against nature, but a black man attacking his very race.

By the end, he’s killing sex workers and their pimps, leading the police to Watts Towers, where he climbs upward — again, like King Kong — before being shot and falling to his death.

This also had the working titles The Watts MonsterHydeSerum and Decision for Doom. Along with the aforementioned BlaculaScream Blacula ScreamSugar HillBlackensteinJD’s RevengeAbbyGanja and Hess and Petey Wheatstraw, there are some other black-themed horror films from this era but not enough. Later films in the genre that I would recommend are BonesDef by Temptation and Tales from the Hood.

How incredible is it that the South Korean VHS release of this had the Iron Maiden artwork from Killers on its back cover?

21st Century rereleased this as The Watts Monster.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CANNON MONTH 3: The Devil’s Wedding Night (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Supposedly, The Devil’s Wedding Night (AKA Full Moon of the Virgins) was all Mark Damon’s idea. After being in House of Usher, Damon had moved to Italy and appeared in movies like Black Sabbath and Johnny Yuma.

Perhaps this idea was the start of his producing career, which was more successful than his acting job. Damon was planning on selling the movie an American production company. Luigi Batzella (Nude for SatanThe Beast In Heat) was picked to direct, but most people believe that Joe D’Amato stepped in and finished the film.

I’m a firm believer in this theory because there’s a moment near the end of this movie where an otherworldly Countess Dolingen De Vries rises from a bathtub of blood and fog and writhes near nude on the screen and somehow going beyond the confines of the screen to destroy my mind. I generally try my best not to turn reviews of movies with atrractive women into male gaze spectacles, but Rosalba Neri is absoutely iconic in this moment, a perfect scene that is never discussed nearly enough.

There’s also a magic vampire ring of the Nibelungen, which is gigantic costume jewelery and therefore better than any Hollywood baubles, village girls with sacred amulets of Pazuzu (yes, really), five virgins getting sacrificed all at once in an express line of bloodletting magic, three different twist endings in a row, tripped out Dr. Who looking tunnel moments, D’Amato billing himself as Michael Holloway and going absolutely wlld capturing every inch of womanly curves and an incredible setting, the Castello Piccolomini Balsorano, the same place Lady FrankensteinBloody Pit of HorrorCrypt of the VampireThe Lickerish Quartet, The Blade MasterSister EmanuelleThe Bloodsucker Leads the DanceThe Reincarnation of Isabel, Farfallon, Pensiero d’amoreLady Barbara7 Golden Women Against Two 07: Treasure HuntC’è un fantasma nel mio lettoBaby Love and Put Your Devil Into My Hell were all shot at.

Plus, Xiro Papas, the monster of Frankenstein 80, plays a vampiric giant.

If you’re a fan of the harder side of Hammer, then allow this female vampire to obsess you as well.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: I Hate My Body (1974)

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

All hail León Klimovsky, who directed this absolutely deranged movie and co-wrote it with Solly Wolodarsky. “The brain of a man… the body of a woman… the sexual horror story of our time!” That isn’t all of it. Man, this starts wild and gets even stranger.

An engineer named Ernesto (Manuel de Blas) is out on the town with his friend and some ladies when he gets injured in a car accident. He wakes up in a hospital room where former Nazi doctor Adolfo Berger (Narciso Ibáñez Menta) takes his brain and places it into the body of Leda (Alexandra Bastedo, The Blood Spattered Bride), a gorgeous woman. The doctor wants to keep him/her prisoner in a hospital room so that he can prove that he’s the first person to perfect this surgery.

What’s wild about this movie is that while Leda gets to live out some of the fantasies of Ernesto — yes, there is a lesbian scene, there’s also a scene where he whips Adolfo’s wife and nurse Lydia (Gemma Cuervo) and she likes it — but the truth is that this sets itself up as sleaze and then, just as you’re savoring the sin, it reminds you of the male gaze, how women are mistreated in the world a half century after this movie and that most people are no closer to understanding gender change now.

Ernesto also wakes up to a world where his wife Mary (Maria Silva) has already moved on to marry his best friend weeks after he has disappeared. There are also moments that when Leda is being pushed around by men, we see her as her male self. It’s a really intriguing way to frame what’s happening inside her, even if she’s a murderous maniac at times who sets a hospital on fire to kill the doctor who put her in this state.

Actually, I have lost track of the pronouns and apologize.

In Italy, this was known as Super Sexy Vamp, a title doesn’t really match what we are watching. That said, Leda quickly learns how to become a femme fatale. She engages in an insurance scam that Mary was planning and even picks up her former dead body, which has to be weird and yet she wants money and that worry never even is discussed. She’s already spent most of the movie learning that she can have the same qualifications as a woman that she did as a man and only find work as a secretary or in manual labor. If she can use the body she’s been given to get ahead, she has no issue.

Then, because this was 1974, this has to end with a downbeat ending. Or maybe evil in any sex needs to be punished. Or sometimes shock endings just are demanded.

You can watch this on YouTube.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Honeymoon of Terror (1961)

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

In around an hour, Frank (Doug Leith) and Marion (Dwan Marlow) get married, go to Vegas on their honeymoon, take in a Tex Ritter show, then head off to an island where a maniac with a club foot (Anton von Stralen) stalks her and waits until he leaves. Then, he unleashes his fury on the newlywed bride while her husband goes to get supplies.

Also known as Ecstasy On Lovers’ Island, it has Frank coming back only to get choked out and his wife having to stab the man whose feet we see for most of the movie — over and over — to survive. Maybe that strange man was just upset that Marion had an internal monologue saying things like “God really knew what he was doing when he made the sun!” and was hoping this was a nudie cutie and she wouldn’t disrobe.

The “Directed By Perri” is Peter Perry Jr. He also made Kiss Me Quick!My Tale Is HotMondo ModThe Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet and the seventh Taboo. He also edited Blood of Dracula’s Castle and Horror of the Blood Monsters. He has a Joe D’Amato level amount of other names, including .J. Gaylord,

You can watch this on Tubi.

CANNON MONTH 3: The Phoenix (1978)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

You can call this War of the Wizards or The Phoenix but either way, this movie is astounding. It was co-directed by Chang Mei-Chun (DynastyRevenge of the Shogun Women) and Sadamasa Arikawa (the director of special effects for films such as Destroy All Monsters; Son of Godzilla and The Mighty Peking Man).

This played in the U.S. with a horrible dub but that doesn’t matter. What does is that this movie has fantastic visuals and seems closer to a fantasy children’s movie. I have no idea why it doesn’t get discussed at all because it’s just stunning.

Tai (Hsiu-Shen Liang) is a poor fisherman who reads all he can to become a better person. He finds the Magic Vessel of Plenty and the Bamboo Book of All Knowledge, which allows him to become a rich man, but he shares his wealth by buying his fellow townspeople food. This doesn’t impress the woman he’s in love with, Jasmine (Hoi Si-Man), who wants nothing to do with him even if he is rich and successful now.

One after another killer comes his way to take his life but end up killing one another first. He’s saved by Violet (Terry Hu) and Hyacinth (Chow Chi-Ming), who promise to protect him so he decides to marry them both. That’s stopped by two old wizards who claim that Tai is filled with lust and has no idea that fate is coming for him.

The sisters really work for an evil alien called Flower Fox (Betty Pei Ti) and Tai is going to need to transform into a silver-costumed sword-wielding hero if he hopes to break the sisters away and save his people. Then, he fights a rock monster and Richard Kiel, dressed as if he were in a Sinbad movie, which makes this movie so much better as he battles Tai with giant claws.

There’s also an incredible looking phoenix that yes, is a puppet, but who cares? Perhaps fantasy doesn’t need to look perfect to be perfect. When I read negative reviews of this, it upsets me because the people who feel that way have no joy inside them.

21st Century released this as War of the Wizards.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CANNON MONTH 3: Doomed to Die (1980)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

What happens when you throw assassins in New York City, cannibals in the jungle and a Jim Jones-like cult leader into a big pot and set it to boil? You get Eaten Alive!

Sheila (Janet Agren, City of the Living Dead, Hands of Steel) is searching for her sister, Diana (Paola Senatore, Emanuelle in America)who has disappeared in the jungle. She hires Mark (Robert Kerman, Cannibal Holocaust) to help her find her way through the jungle. Oh yeah — and there are killers in the city using blowdarts. That doesn’t matter so much once we’re in the jungle.

When they find Diana — after being chased by cannibals — they learn that she has joined the cult of Jonas (Ivan Rassimov, everyone cheer when he shows up to make this movie awesome), who abuses, murders, manipulates and mindfucks everyone and anyone he gets close to. Seriously, the minute Jonas shows up, this film goes off the rails. First, he burns a man on a funeral pyre and then orders his wife Mowara (Me Me Lai, who thanks to appearances in this film, Last Cannibal World and Man from Deep River is pretty much to this genre as Edwige Fenech, Barbara Bouchet or Nieves Navaro are to giallo)to be ritually raped. Then, he hypnotizes Sheila and takes her on an altar using a snake phallus covered in venom and blood (yep, really).

Jonas preaches the Book of Isiah and pretty much owns everyone he can get his hands on, but Mowara, Sheila, Mark and Diana all attempt to escape. Diana and Mowara are overtaken by cannibals, with Diana graphically devoured while her sister and Mark watch helplessly. A helicopter arrives at the last minute to save them while the film goes into full exploitation mode, with the cult killing themselves ala Jonestown, leaving only one female survivor.

Oh man, I forgot! Mel Ferrer (The Visitor, Nightmare City) shows up as a professor!

Director Umberto Lenzi knows how to make a down and dirty film. He also knows how to keep it entertaining. Just witness other films he’s done like Ghosthouse! Plus, he’s the master of recycling, as this film re-uses the crocodile death and a woman being eaten from his 1972 film Sacrifice! (also starring Rassimov and Me Me Lai), Me Me Lai’s death from Ruggero Deodato’s Jungle Holocaust and a castration, a monkey being devoured and a man being eaten by a crocodile from Sergio Martino’s Slave of the Cannibal God. You could say he…cannibalized those movies! Sorry.

Again, keep in mind that these are rough films. They’re nearly indefensible, to be honest. I kind of wish the story of Jonas and his cult was more of the movie, with less of the cannibals. But you know, I can’t send notes back to Lenzi with a time machine or anything!

PS – Amazingly, it wasn’t until I read this review that I learned that Eaten Alive was three different movies — Jungle Holocaust, The Man from Deep River and Mountain of the Cannibal God (look for that in a few days!)  — along with some Jim Jones thrown in.

Yes, this is Eaten Alive! but it was rereleased as Doomed to Die by 21st Century. It was also licensed to Continental Video as The Emerald Jungle.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CANNON MONTH 3: Biohazard (1985)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

You know, there’s lots to love in this goofy little movie, from Angelique Pettyjohn being a psychic used to bring objects out of another dimension to a monster played by director Fred Olen Ray’s seven-year-old son Christopher to Aldo Ray playing a general and songs by Johnny Legend. It’s a rubber suit monster romp that really has no interest in being anything else which you have to respect.

This was released as Space Gremlins in other countries and I love that name.

Psychic Materialization, drugs, monsters, busty psychics, the military industrial complex, bad computer graphics, a comedy relief hobo in love with the E.T. poster he’s found and a shock ending that mixes blood, boobs and beasts all at once — you know that Biohazard isn’t good for you but have you ever huffed paint? Let me tell you, it’s cheap and it hurts your head for days and you know that you’ll be slowed down for a few minutes, probably unable to stand and then you realize that you’re doing way more than smoking or drinking, you’re messing with your brain for life because that rag or bottle you’re sneaking smells out of makes you forget things, sometimes for so long that you never remember them again.

21st Century licensed this to Continental Video.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Here’s a drink recipe.

Biohazard

  • 2 oz. vodka
  • 1 oz. Midori
  • 1 oz. Triple Sec
  • 4 oz. Lemon-Lime Gatorade
  1. Mix everything in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake it up.
  2. Pour it in a glass and get ready for Psychic Materialization.