BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

James Granilla (Steve Vincent) just wants to read his science fiction magazines in bed until his wife Marge (Bambi Allen, who is in everything from Day of the Nightmare to the title role in Miss Nymphet’s Zap-In and Terror At Orgy Castle; she should be a Something Weird hall of famer) seduces him, revealing that his back is quite hirsute. Then he goes to sleep and despite what he’s like while awake, dream James in horny, as he becomes Planetarian Colonel Granilla , who has stowed away as a spy on the Terranean ship Supreme Erection.

His job is to study the crew, led by the whip-carrying lesbian Captain Mother (Cara Peters as Legs Benedict; she’s also in a ton of movies, including Massacre Mafia Style), but he keeps getting yanked into their sexual hijinks. There’s Connie (played by Karla Conway using the name April Playmate; she was not only the April 1966 Playboy Playmate of the Month, living up to her stage name, but is tied with Sue Williams as the shortest Playmate ever at just 4′ 11″),  Portia (Merci Montello, who would soon use the name Mercy Rooney once she married Mickie Rooney Jr.; she was the December 1972 Playmate of the Month and provided the costume for Bigfoot) and Astrid (Fancher Fague, The Head Mistress). They all have stage names here because producer and co-director David F. Friedman didn’t want the actresses them to get famous by their names, as if they became known, he was worried that they would charge him more money to get naked in his movies.

This was co-directed by Byron Made, who also made The Bushwhacker, She Freak, The Acid Eaters and A Smell of Honey, A Taste of Brine. The best part of this would be the credits — and that’s no insult — as they are painted on the legs and breasts of several women.

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

The Hooked Generation (1968): The films that William Grefé made in Florida feel sweaty and messy and filled with menace, just like the Sunshine State itself, the kind of place that could give you both the Happiest Place on Earth and bands like Deicide and, well, Creed.

This time around, Grefé is telling us the story of a group of three drug pushers who are no longer content to kidnap people and assault women. No, they’re in for the big score, killing their Cuban drug suppliers, an act that puts them on a one-way ticket to the kind of horrible end that can only be found in a regional drive-in movie.

Daisy (Jeremy Slate, The Born Losers, True Grit), Acid (John Davis Chandle, who is also in Grefé’s Mako: The Jaws of Death and Whiskey Mountain, as well as playing the lead bad guy in Adventures In Babysitting) and Dum Dum (Willie Pastrano, who Grefé hired for The Wild Rebels and The Naked Zoo) are absolute scumbags that spend the majority of this movie doing horrible things and talking as much as they can to pad things out.

Look for William Kerwin — who you may know from Herschell Gordon Lewis movies — shows up as an FBI agent.

The Psychedelic Priest (1971): Also known as Electric Shades of Grey and Jesus Freak, The Psychedelic Priest wasn’t really directed by Stewart “Terry” Merrill, but instead William Gréfe, who was paid for this movie in trading stamps, which he described in Brian Albright’s Regional Horror Films, 1958-1990: A State-by-State Guide with Interviews as “Instead of cash, if you owned a TV store and I owned a garage, and you needed your transmission fixed, you’d give me trading stamps. When I needed a TV, I could go get a TV from you.”

Gréfe got paid $100,000 in trading stamps to make this movie that was never released until thirty years later because everyone felt it would be a bomb. As for Gréfe, he was now the president of Ivan Tors Films, making family movies, so he realized that “I didn’t want some wild hippie drug movie with my name as writer and director.”

The cast and the crew were non-actors, mostly real hippies, and the story is rambling at best, as Father John realizes that he can no longer preach to the young people, so he goes on some sort of quest to learn how to fit into a world that doesn’t need religion any longer. He almost leaves the cloth for a woman named Sunny, but by the end of the movie, he’s come back to his commitment to the church.

This was shot on the fly, with scenes mainly being improvised, as well as a soundtrack that is really solid. It’s a great experiment and whether or not it works for you is, well, up to you. I dug what it was trying to do, even if it’s not always successful.

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

Also known as Any Body…Any Way, this movie was exactly what I wanted it to be: fucking weird.

When Terry Wilson (Joyce Danner) and Ann Henderson (Eve Reeves) go to the middle of nowhere for a barn party, Ann is nearly raped but saved by the middle-aged, British and oh-so-strange Mr. Bradley (Daniel Garth). They ditch the party and Ann’s man, but then run out of gas because otherwise we wouldn’t have a movie.

In the middle of nowhere, they walk up to a house — on the suggestion of a drifter (Ivan Agar, Laughing Crow from Shriek of the Mutilated) who is more than he seems — that just so happens to belong to Mr. Bradley and his sister Ida (Irene Lawrence). They have no phone and their car isn’t working either, so they stay for dinner and a bed for the evening. Ida needs the company. She’s been there for two years, ever since her mortician brother retired.

So why are there bars on the windows? Why did their door lock behind them? Why are the closest filled with women’s clothing of all sizes? Why would Terry pick this exact and terrifying time to finally get sapphic with her office buddy?

The Bradleys wake them up and let them know that they’re in control and must play their demented games with them or end up like all the embalmed bodies in the basement. Mr. Bradley just wants to discover the perfect way to make love, so if he has to tie up women and then kill them, that’s how his laboratory of libido operates.

I mean, this is a movie that starts with fifteen minutes of go go dancing in a barn — I played in a band that practiced in a barn and it’s hard to sing when all you can smell is shit, so I can’t even imagine go go dancing while smelling cow feces — and ends with that same barn and Ann going off with the guy who tried to rape her and Terry finding another young lady to enjoy a game of flats with. Yes, I used a 17th century term — lesbian sex was thought to look like two playing cards rubbing together — in this article. I bring you quality euphemisms, my friend.

Did you not see the signature of Harry Novak hanging above this? Behind Locked Doors came from director and co-writer Charles Romine, who would go on to make Mysteries of the Gods, while producer and uncredited co-writer Stanley H. Brassloff made one of the most upsetting of all softcore movies, Toys Are Not for Children.

This movie looks way better than it should with great lighting and bright colors and a room full of gorgeous and very dead women — or are they? — posed seductively, along with an off the rails room destroying catfight and an ending that blew my mind, as deceased denizens of the strange mansion come back for one last dance with brother and sister into the inferno. This is the kind of movie that makes you stay for all that barn dancing and you wonder, “When does it get weird, Sam promised me it would get there” and when it does, you’ll text me and say, “I can’t believe that this is a real movie.” Well, it is, pal. It sure is.

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

Oh Harry Novak just seeing your name makes me realize that I am about to see something incredibly scum-sodden. You have such a fancy signature and make movies filled with such pulchritude. Let’s all have a moment to think of all Mr. Novak has done for us.

Like this movie, which is exactly what I was looking for when I started this week of drug movies.

Lila (Susan Stewart, The First Nudie Musical and credits for additional voices on Scooby-Doo, which really could be the best IMDB credits listing ever) is a go-go dancer who gets turned into a literal mankiller thanks to C₂₀H₂₅N₃O. All she wants to do is make it with the men she picks up on the Sunset Strip, but once they get back to her pad, she hears her theme song and sees an old man with a huge stack of money and a handful of bananas. That’s when she must kill them with garden tools and then she imagines that she is chopping up fruit while she’s really dismembering their bodies to dump off into cardboard boxes. I kid you not!

Then, we get lots of drug use, topless dancing and strobing and zooming camerawork. I’m in. I’m all the way in. And hey look — it’s Pat Barrington from Orgy of the Dead! Yay!

Speaking of Pat, she dated Melvin Rees at the time that he was arrested for mass murder. She was working as Vivian Storm in mob-owned go go clubs and he was a jazz musician. Pat’s life really could have been made into a movie, as she kept on dancing until the mid 1990’s when she was in her fifties. Rees? Well, he was arrested for at least five murders and numerous other crimes.

As for Mantis In Lace, it’s a film awash in sin and debauchery. They don’t, can’t, won’t and maybe even shouldn’t make them like this anymore.

Here’s a cocktail.

Praying Mantis

• 1.5 oz. tequila
• 5 oz. cola
• 1 tsp. lemon juice
• 2 tsp. lime juice

1. Shake the tequila and juices with ice.
2. Pour into a glass and top with cola.

69 EsSINtial SWV Titles (September 15 – 21): Klon, who came up with this list, said “This isn’t the 69 BEST SWV movies, it isn’t my 69 FAVORITE SWV movies, my goal was to highlight 69 of the MOST SWV movies.” You can see the whole list here, including some of the ones I’ve already posted.

Under the working titles Jayne Mansfield Reports, Mansfield Reports Europe and Mansfield By Night, this mondo was shot from 1964 to 1967 as Mansfield toured Europe. It has to be a mondo, because the movie really is all over the place, with the star meeting Italian roadside prostitutes, running from the paparazzi and attending the Cannes Film Festival, where she pretty much runs toward the paparazzi.

Complicating matters was that Mansfield died in a car accident in June 1967.

That didn’t stop producer Dick Randall, whose career took him from the Catskills as a joke writer for Milton Berle to producing all manner of movies that I obsess over, such as Pieces, Mario Bava’s Four Times That Night, The French Sex Murders, The Girl In Room 2A, For Your Height Only, Slaughter High and the only movie he directed, the absolutely ludicrous and completely awesome Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks.

Randall did what you’d expect. He hired Carolyn De Fonseca, the actress who often dubbed Mansfield in European movies like Primitive Love and Dog Eat Dog. So yeah. That’s not even Jayne talking in a movie that’s supposedly all about her deepest and darkest thoughts.

De Fonseca’s voice is all over the movies covered on this site. She’s a tourist in Eyeball. That’s her doing Barbara Steele’s voice in Terror-Creatures from the Grave. Marisa Mell in Secret Agent Super Dragon. She’s Florinda Balkan’s English voice in Fulci’s Don’t Torture a Duckling. And she makes vocal appearances in The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, The Case of the Bloody Iris, Torso, The Eerie Midnight Horror Show, Strip Nude for Your Killer, Emanuelle in America, Inferno and so many more. Her voice comes out of Sybil Danning’s mouth in The Red Queen Kills Seven Times, Daria Nicolodi in Deep Red and Phenomena, Barbara Magnolfi in Suspiria, Tisa Farrow in Antropophagus, Dagmar Lassander in The House by the Cemetery, Laura Gemser in Ator the Fighting Eagle, Sabrina Siani in Throne of Fire and Corinne Clery in Fulci’s The Devil’s Honey.

That’s why I write about movies. I would have never known otherwise that one person was the sound that I heard in so many movies that I count amongst my favorites, much less a mondo all about Jayne Mansfield.

With breathy narration, Mansfield visits nudist colonies, strip clubs, a gay bar and a massage parlor because this was the mid-60’s and people were losing their minds over the sexual revolution. She also judges a transvestite beauty pageant, meets the topless girl band The Ladybirds and does the Twist to a song by Rocky Roberts & The Airedales.

You also get shots of Mansfield in Playboy — the equivalent of someone filming a magazine — as well as nude scenes from her in Promises! Promises! and moments with her husband Mickey Hargitay in the movies Primitive Love and The Loves of Hercules.

With Mansfield dying before the movie could be complete, you just knew that news footage of her car accident scene would show up in this. There’s also a tour of her home, the Pink Palace, by Hargitay. He was a plumber and carpenter before becoming a star, so he made her the heart-shaped swimming pool at the center of the all-pink landmark.

In the 1980 TV movie, The Jayne Mansfield Story, Arnold Schwarzenegger played Hargitay, who pretty much demystified and popularized bodybuilding for young athletes. He and Mansfield’s daughter Mariska can be seen pretty much 24 hours a day now on the Law and Order TV shows.

One of the directors of this movie, Joel Holt, is also the narrator in Olga’s House of Shame and Olga’s Girls. Yes, that’s the kind of movie you’re about to revel in. Enjoy it. Wade in it. Experience it.

This was released on blu ray release from Severin along with Wild, Weird, Wonderful Italians.

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

I’ve seen so many World’s Most Dangerous Games. Bloodlust, The 10th Victim, The Woman Hunt, Maneater, Long Lasting Days, Prey for the Hunter, No Man’s Island, Night Creature, Relentless Justice, Fleshburn, Pray for the Wildcats, American Hunt, Scream of the Wolf, The Beast Must Die, Death Race 2000, The Man With the Golden Gun, The Perverse Countess, Seven Women for Satan, Turkey Shoot, Tag the Assassination Game, The Prize of Peril, The Final Executioner, Gymkata, Endgame, Fair Game, Rituals, Lethal Woman, Mirage, Hunter’s Blood, Blood Games, 31, Hunt Club, Hunting Games, Army of One, Warriors of the Year 2072, Game of Survival, Violence In a Women’s Prison, Avenging Force, Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity, The Running Man, Deadly Game, Hard Target, Surviving the Game, Slashers, The Woman Hunter, Tender Flesh (Jess Franco on the list twice), Battle Royale, Mean Guns, The Jail: The Women’s Hell (Bruno Mattei on the list twice), Naked Fear, The Purge movies, Ready or Not, The Hunt, even Without Warning and the Predator films are in the same genre.

Herbert S. Altman directed one other movie, the Lenny Bruce film Dirtymouth, and co-director Robert Worms was the director of Terror On Tape. Together with writer Bill Boyd — one and done — they made what may be the strangest take on Richard Connell’s story. They go by the name Eve. This is the first time an adaptation would have a female hunter.

Actor Charles Freeman (Dick Lord), druggie Buddy (Frank Geraci) and former pro wrestler Rocco (Jake LaMotta, the raging bull!) have all been acquitted of murder — Charles killed a lover’s husband, Buddy gave a girlfriend an overdose and Rocco wouldn’t stop beating on another fighter — at some time in their lives but are now on the skids. They’re gathered by Virginia Marcus (Eileen Lord, a one and done as well and that’s a shame because she’s beyond bonkers in this), a wealthy woman who offers them $100,000 each if they can survive for one day with her hunting them throughout New York City.

None of them make it. Charles gets the acting role he’s always wanted, but it’s a set-up to be shot with an arrow. Rocco gets treated like a bull as Virginia dresses like a matador and uses the traditional bullfight weapons to murder him. Buddy gets away, but just for a few hours and soon dies, killed looking for a fix.

Those are the original 55 minutes of this movie. The other 15 minutes that were added later are nude women, added so that this could play in art theaters. Virginia is unhinged, becoming a hunter after her brother threw her dog off the roof — “I was glad when it died!” she barks at her psychoanalyst — and she ends up screaming in a straightjacket, back to being a little girl by the end.

This movie is about as wonderful as it gets.