10. RITUALS: It’s good to have a routine, even if it’s evil.
This is a Shot On Video remake/remix/rip-off of Re-Animator that has the worst quality filming, the most drone soundtrack and ends right in the middle of a scene. Some people will say that that sounds like a bad time. These are not the kind of people that you want to hang out with.
This movie also has long dialogue sections, longer montages of science happening and something else called God Science, which involves regenerated serial killers out of the grave. Also, no one seems to notice that Dr. Strain’s face is basically falling off. Were the people of his area that polite? Was this made in Canada?
I used to record drone black metal and actually recorded a laundromat behind some of my guitar parts to give it a sound that was covered up with strange mechanical noises and the sound of water. I can only assume that the people that made this movie did the same, because so much of it is barely audible, which makes it even better, because you can just drop out and allow the power of this junk to warm your veins.
Also — I have no idea if this is shot on 16mm or video and if you’re the kind of person ready to fire off an angry mail because I don’t know, I’m ready.
DAY 10 — RITUALS: It’s good to have a routine, even if it’s evil.
It’s an “Antichrist” movie because I say so!
The 1970s were a time of “witchhunting,” with such film as Michael Reeves’s The Conqueror Worm (1968), Michael Armstrong’s Mark of the Devil (1970), Ken Russell’s The Devils (1971), and Otakar Vavra’s Witchhammer (1970). So Paul Naschy answered call — to the exploitative extreme — with his Spanish-Italian produced directorial debut (very loosely) based on Spain’s Grand Inquisitor Toma de Torquemada — who advocated burning the guilty at the stake. Naschy — again, in his debut behind the camera — does a solid job in scripting the serious-classic side of the subject matter from the British-made Witchfinder General (aka The Conqueror Worm) with the sleazy-trash side of the German-made Mark of the Devil — without delving into the Ken Russell arty or Vavra exactness — with a nudity and gore-filled romp rife with solid, period-correct set design.
As plague and pestilence ravages 16th century France, Paul Naschy’s sexually depraved and spiritually corrupt Bernard de Fossey (who can teach a lesson or two in the depraved shenanigans department to Vincent Price, Herbert Lom, and Oliver Reed in their respective films) leads a trio of witch hunters who strike fear in the countryside as they judge, torture and condemn those they suspect of witchery. While staying at the home of the local magistrate, de Fossey falls in love with his host’s daughter, Catherine, who, in turn, is in love with another. When her lover is murdered by thieves (paid for by de Fossey), she makes a pact with The Devil (Paul Naschy, in a dual role, as our resurrected faux-Antichrist; he appears in a third role as The Grim Reaper) to extract revenge.
What’s great about Naschy’s scripting, here, is the ambiguity.
Sure, de Fossey is a sadist out to satiate his fleshly desires, but he believes what he does is truly called on by the Lord. (Remember: Adolf Hitler, while inherently evil, neither saw himself as such, but a just man in a cause for the common good of Germany’s citizens.) Then there’s Catherine, who, so as to deal with her depression and nightmares over her lover’s death, allows herself to be doped up by Mabille, the local witch-alchemist — who may or may not be a witch (with lesbian tendencies) — using Catherine as a vessel to kill de Fossey. So, is Catherine really possessed by The Devil and did she really conjure-resurrect Him, or is she simply psychotic? Then there is Renover, the local town (one-eyed) rapist. His rejection-fueled misogyny, which rather see those he lusts after burn at the stake than to be with anyone else, fills up the dungeons with plenty of (fully) naked women — their bare breasts ready for (nasty) torture, as well as rack stretchings and charcoal burnings.
Naschy’s scripting, albeit more graphically than it should be (be prepared to close your eyes for the rotating gear/breast-clipping device), balances the perverted dichotomy practiced in the name of Catholic Church (again, back to the sick bastard that was Torquemada) with the ongoing quest of female liberation — who still need to sell their souls to men (or The Devil, in this case), to be “liberated.”
To say I love the pseudo-Hammer and Amicus Brit-vibes of Inquisition is an understatement. It’s a well-researched, well-made, historically accurate and intelligent film that ranks alongside Naschy’s interpretations of the atrocities of Gilles de Rais in two of my personal, Naschy favorites: Horror Rises from the Tomb (1973) and Panic Beats (1983) — with an honorable mention to his zombie-apoc’er, The People Who Own the Dark (1975). Otakar Vavra’s previously mentioned Witchhammer chronicles the real life exploits of serial killer, uh, Witchfinder Inquisitor Boblig von Edelstat, who cut a horrific swatch across 1600’s Czechoslovakia.
The trailers are age-restricted, so you can watch them as account log-ins on You Tube HERE and HERE.
The Mondo Macabro Blu-ray on Inquisition— as is the case with all of their Naschy reissues — is excellent, with its features of an introduction by Paul Naschy, an interview with star Daniela Giordano (as Catherine), an audio commentary by Rod Barnett and Troy Guinn from The Naschycast, and the inclusion of Blood and Sand, a mini-documentary on Spanish horror films.
For the true Paul Naschy fan in you — oh, it’s in each and every B&S About Movies reader, admit to it — pick up the two-box Shout Factory! The Paul Naschy Collection. (One day, we’ll crack these open and review them, in full.)
Oy, this movie . . . this friggin’ movie! Just like a Wim Vink joint, such as Half Past Midnight, a Jim Larsen joint takes its punches for being repetitive and plotless, with its “awfulness” compounded by its scant-to-no dialog and added-in-post victim screams that come replete with bad acting and well, bad everything that a film should not be.
Frackin’ balderdash: Nigel the Psychopath is a thing that should be.
For as our cherished (well, my) Doug Ulrich and Al Darago Karo Consortium for Better Film product line foretold in Snuff Kill: a Larsen bowel movement is a burst of pure offal ridiculousness squeezed out by an-off-the-Ritalin energy. Yeah, that’s right: move it on over, Mr. Dennis Divine, for there’s a new, pulpy monster mag back pages SOV-auteur in the john, er, town.
Yeah, just plop it right over ‘ere, Jimbo: our VCRs have been trained on a steady diet of the fibrous intestinal cleaners of Jean Rollin, Jess Franco, and Bruno Mattei for a very long time. We can handle the raison d’etre Sean S. Cunningham stank for the one hour serving you’re dishing . . . or is that squatting? Hey, if we can clench our cheeks on Joel Reed’s Gamma 693, we can pass this tape worm without the vasoline assist, no problemo.
Okay, so . . . the pesky plot, or lack there of: Our misunderstood ‘lil devil on this 9th day in the month of our Scarecrow is Nigel: a gas mask-adorned psycho who frolics among the SOV backyards of America as he lives by the edict: heaven is a place where everyone is a lot happier. But not just anyone, mind you: get the adults the frack out of here, for Nigel stalks the local playground and kills children death-porn style — with a weedwacker (well, a sickle/rake thingy) — along with the occasion broomstick impaling and staple gun dispatching. Heads are split open, neck are garroted-by-tree, faces are stomped, and arms and legs are loped off in quick succession in between fight scenes that make ol’ Dolemite himself, Rudy Ray Moore, look like Bruce Lee.
Oh, hell yes, and jumpin’ Jehoshaphats, Nigel the Psychopath is a film that breaks all the rules, not just the crafts of filmmaking and thespin’, but of good taste and common sense that jangles the five sense. Ye must embrace the inept editing and the muddy-to-blaring music that goes from acoustic guitars to reggae to rock. Accept and suspend all logic as Larsen’s gang of shemps* out-Raimi a Sam Raimi production with a commitment to the shot-on-video cause. Pair ‘er up with Cards of Death and Lazarus the Legend and analog yourself into a snowy-screened stupor.
In the end, for me: Nigel the Psychopath isn’t so much a fluid narrative, but a documentary — a documentary chronicling Jim Larsen and his friends having the best ’80s summers, ever, as they lived the dream of making their own slasher movie. So, yeah, uh, okay . . . Nigel the Psychopath may not be the best movie (for me, it is), but it’s full of the heart that lacks in wannabe, SOV-masquerading junk like the Canadian slop that is Blue Murder. And the Larsen love comes in spurts!
Thanks to writer and director Jim Larsen interacting with his fans via the wonders of the web, we’ve come to know that, while we toss his slasher opus on our SOV woodpiles, it was actually shot on Super 8 mm film and VHS video between the years of 1986 to 1989. There are also three versions on YouTube to chose from: the original super 8 film short, the VHS-version, Nigel the Psychopath At Large, and Nigel the Psychopath: 33rd Anniversary Director’s Cut (that runs a wee-longer, at 70-minutes). Pick one or pick ’em all and watch the insanity for yourself, courtesy of Jim’s very active You Tube portal.
What’s that? You want to know more about the man, the myth, the “real” warped mind of Jim Larsen? Well, he’s on the web at themindofjimlarsen.com via WordPress. He tells his version of events concerning Nigel the Psychopath with his own page dedicated to the film. Read it!
* Dude, if we have to explain “shempin'” to you, we know ye not. Turn in your B&S About Movies membership card.
About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
9. SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL: One with a misunderstood freak/mutant/abomination etc.
Written, directed by and starring Norbert Moutier (as N. G. Mount), a man who loved horror, Ogroff somehow has Jess Franco-star Howard Vernon show up in it. That’s some feat, as this is as grimy and low end as a shot on video French slasher gets.
I mean, how great is it that Moutier owned a video store and published zines and was like, “I’m going to make something for people to rent from my store.” That means that for half the movie, Ogroff has a metal mask, rubber boots and a jaunty cap. And when you’re not admiring that outfit, you’re just watching him kill. And kill. And kill again.
After he battles a lumberjack with a chainsaw, he falls for a girl and the zombies that live under Ogroff’s house to emerge and Vernon to show up as a vampire priest who wants the girl for his own. Look, Orgoff isn’t going back to onanistic pleasure after getting to make sweet love.
But these are just words and the truth is describing what this movie feels like is like explaining what the color brown looks like to a blind man. It kind of washes over you in its drone haze and creates the perfect mood. Now, that mood comes at the price of watching someone’s legs get chainsawed off, but there must be sacrifices.
8. CRAFT NIGHT: Cast your eyes upon the screen, whence a witch’s spell is surely seen.
Detective Wong King Sun is investigating the horrific and violent death of a little girl at the hands of her father, who claims that he was under the influence of a wizard. This takes the detective all the way to Thailand to learn more and, as happens in films such as this, to be cursed by a powerful magician named Magusu, who was supposedly played by an infamous Malay sorcerer. That’s what the credits say and who are we to deny the words of Shaw Brothers or any exploitation studio when you get right down to it?
Wong King Sun decides to fight black magic, he needs a white magic monk. What follows is an entire movie of one-upmanship battles over whose magic is strongest, including a gut-churning moment when the evil magician grabs that pause that refreshes. Except that we’re not talking about Coca-Cola. This dude likes to sip from a big urn filled with unborn children and blood.
If that last sentence made you wince, turn back now. Bewitched is a ride through absolute chaos. It’s gorgeous, it’s frenetic and it’s also unafraid to try and make you throw up throughout its running time. And if this one seems like it’s going to be too much, its sequel, The Boxer’s Omen, goes even further. Director Chih-Hung also made the equally blood and madness-filled Corpse Mania.
We all know that old Chinese chestnut of advice, right? Don’t take the virginity of village women, ghost them and then just move on or you’ll be covered in body hair, unable to get it up and eventually hammering a spike into your daughter’s head so that she stops being possessed and attempting to kill you.
“The moral of the story is to admonish people against casual sex and to be on guard against witchcraft.” That’s what the end says. As for me, I’m all about movies with neon colors, glittery bats that come to animated life and actual black magic rituals being used to entertain audiences.
7. IT CAME FROM THE SCREEN: One where a TV is a major part to the story.
I grew up directly between Youngstown, OH and Pittsburgh, PA, which meant that growing up, I got to see UHF channels from Cleveland, Wheeling, Stuebenville and everywhere in between. There are still local jingles that I know by heart — Youngstown’s Remnant Room — and when I see the staticky look of this ancient television, it warms my heart beyond belief. Beyond Superhost and Chilly Billy, I can remember characters like Barnaby and the local news teams that had no hope of ever working for the networks.
The WNUF Halloween Special could have been horrible, but I get the feeling that its creator Chris LaMartina grew up watching plenty of Baltimore TV* (he probably knew Captain Pitt as Captain Chesapeake on WBUF (but we both may have not known that he was also Ghost Host), because this is so authentic that I thought that I went back in time.
A home recording of WNUF’s Halloween special that aired on October 31, 1987, this tells the story of Frank Stewart’s investigation of the Webber House, the site of the Spirit Board Murders. He’s brought along a priest and Louis and Claire Berger, psychic investigators who use a cat named Shadow to speak to the dead.
By the end of the night, the evil inside the house will show itself. And no one is safe.
The story may have been told before, but its the entire package that is perfect. There are references to Dust Devil, R.O.T.O.R. and so many more movies, plus it captures that strange moment of the pre 90s when UHF stations would air just about anything, when major bloopers happened almost every day and something like a series of occult murders could happen live while you watched.
*Producer Jimmy George confirmed that WNUF TV28 was inspired by Baltimore’s WNUV TV54, a similar TV station that was independently owned until the mid-90s.
6. IT CAME FROM THE SEA: Some kind of threat from below the brine.
Sergio Martino can do no wrong. Seriously, even when he’s combining footage from Island of the Fishmen AKA Screamers and 2019: After the Fall of New York into one TV movie, I can’t be anything but entertained.
Two teenagers are stuck in the hell that is the end of all things, with radioactive waste everywhere and barely a chance to survive against the horse-riding, masked and completely berserk (and great) Exterminator Warriors. When an old man named Socrates and his magic dog Lampo take them to the island of the fish people — who are ruled by a stunning queen (Ramona Badescu, who also sang the movie’s theme song) — everything seems like it’s about to get better,
Man, I love the scene where one of the kids waves to one of the mer-men and they wave back in an action that was meant in anger in the original film.
Well, it turns out that the queen has enslaved the fishmen and is trying to destroy a masked dwarf that the kids save along with Selva the jungle girl, whose sister — and rightful queen of the island — has been turned into a wooden statue. That means that our heroes must set free the fishmen and save the transformed ruler.
This movie makes less sense than any other late-period Martino movie and I’m counting Uppercut Man and American Tiger in that. This is as dumb as it gets, ending with a spaceship leaving Earth for no reason other than there was no crane that lowered a god in either of the two movies strip-mined to make this one.
Speaking of American Tiger AKA American Rickshaw, the first time I went to Scarecrow, I wanted to see just how deep their library was. Even before Cauldron Films released the film on blu ray, Scarecrow had it on VHS. That made me believe in them.
5. REEKING HAVOC: Sewer dwellers making a mess of things up on the surface.
The synthpop band Freur did the music for this, but they ended up getting better known when they took the name of this movie as their own: Underworld.
They’re not the only famous people who are part of this movie — also called Transmutations — that nobody really talks about. Clive Barker — yes, that Clive Barker — wrote the story and co-wrote the script with James Caplin. As for the lead, it’s Denholm Elliott — yes, Marcus Brody — as Dr. Savary, a doctor who has created a mind-controlling drug that he uses to keep an army of deformed sewer dwellers under his command. And the main reason, beyond Barker, that I chose this as my underground sewer movie? It has both Miranda Richardson and Ingrid Pitt in it!
But when Savary abducts high class hooker Nicole (Nicole Cowper, who went below the crust again for 1988’s Journey to the Center of the Earth) from her brothel, businessman Hugo Motherskille (Steven Berkoff, Octopussy) gets her former lover Roy Bain (Larry Lamb) on the case. Meanwhile, all these proto-Nightbreed creatures are doing monster cocaine to stay alive.
So how did this weirdo movie ever happen? George Pavlou wanted to direct a movie (he’d also direct another early Barker script, Rawhead Rex). Barker wanted to write one, so he put together a mash-up of mobsters, monsters, film noir and horror. The money people wanted something else, so they got it rewritten and Barker washed his hands of the whole thing. And then Vestron Video released it as Transmutations.
It looks great though! 1985 great, all blue color and billowy dresses and face paint and movie punk and you know, who cares if it’s kind of silly? Monsters in sewers kidnapping prostitutes who can enter your dreams with the power they get from magical powder? Sounds kind of wonderful, when you think of it.
4. WHEN THE TABLES TURN: Victim becomes stalker, hunter becomes the hunted etc.
Sadie’s husband has been murdered and she’s been assaulted by a gang called The Touchers on the day of her wedding. That attack has unleashed a horrific power deep within her and an insatiable desire to get revenge with the newfound power of, well, her lady business. Satan himself has laid claim to her sex but she’s learned how to harness its powers to be some kind of orgasmic Ghost Rider.
Written and directed by Ron Bonk (House Shark), this movie has something to offend nearly everyone, from cats used as nunchakus to a casual disregard for every person in the film. It also has the kind of bad acting that is trying to be bad, which usually turns me off on a movie. But hey, the challenge was revenge and this is the one that I picked.
This movie will probably split people. There will be a “How transgressive!” group of people. Equally, there will be folks that say, “What a badly made movie.” And then there will be people who say, “Instead of watching a movie inspired by Thriller: A Cruel Picture, why don’t I just watch that movie?”
I leave it to you to figure out just how much I love Christina Lindberg (actually, I can’t measure it).
3. HIGH SPIRITS: Tickle your funny bones with a side splitter, a gut buster, a real scream. Go on, laugh your head off!
Getting to theaters — at least in the Phillipines — two years before the Cannon Masters of the Universe, Hee-Man: Master of None is based more on the Filmation cartoon series than any other incarnation of the Eternia mythos. Yes, that’s right, there are multiple continuities to keep track of if you love He-Man.
But this isn’t He-Man and Prince Adam. This is Hee-Man and Herman.
Herman grew up not knowing that he was a prince destined to save the planet from his enemies. Now, guided by Bato, he seeks King Artuz and Queen Guadalupe to discover his real origin and to battle the forces of evil led by Black Tengko.
You shouldn’t expect too much in the way of effects. Actually, you shouldn’t expect much of this to even look like the toys or the cartoon. This is one of those things best experienced as a cultural oddity and a way to thank the universe for continuing to throw strange things our way.
Director Tony Y. Reyes created quite a few of these pop culture parodies, incuding Bobo Cop, Sheman: Mistress of the Universe, Super Mouse and the Roborats, Alyas Batman and Robin and Goosebusters. As of 2019, he was still directing.
For some reason, people have seized on the Letterboxd entry for this to log the Aziz Ansari show Master of None. Come on people. Do the work and watch a He-Man ripoff that has cardboard weapons. Your life will be better for it.
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