Monthly Archives: January 2020

Morbid Stories (2019)

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About the Author: Paul Andolina is a great fan of movies. You can check out his sites Wrestling with Film and Is the Dad Alive?

Morbid Stories is an anthology film that was released in October 2019. It features 5 segments by 5 independent directors. The segments are mostly about the undead in various forms, usually vampires or zombies, although one story centers around ghosts, and another features a ghost but is about some kind of creature.

The wrap-around segment is directed by Asif Akbar and is how the other stories come into play in the film. A young woman named Candy has recently broken up with her boyfriend Mike, while on the phone with her mother the gas in her house suddenly shuts off, not wanting to stay home alone she gathers her two dogs and sets out in her car. On her way out of town she tunes into a radio station that mentions an attack on the United States, each segment is prefaced by the radio announcer mentioning an attack.

The first segment, titled Invasive Species is directed by Mick Thomas. The Singers are a young couple who are awakened when they hear a knock on the door, Jamie collects his baseball bat, tells Helen to monitor the surveillance camera and heads downstairs to investigate the noise. A long-haired stranger is at the door, asking to come in to make a phone call because one of his friends is injured. Helen is confused because she can hear the strangers at the door but they are not appearing on the camera. Turns out the strangers are vampires and they are here to kill the Singers. It’s one of the stronger segments in the film.

The second segment of the film, 3 Months, is directed by Ashley Mei who also stars in the segment. Mallory Yoshida (Mei) is almost 18, she has been taking care of her siblings almost full time. Her friends Lola and James come to visit her and contact some spirits. Lola and James are not fans of Mallory’s siblings and James is an extremely angsty teenager. Mallory and James are not taking Lola’s attempts to contact a spirit seriously so she excuses herself to the bathroom for a good cry. Meanwhile, James is confessing his love to Mallory and asking her to run away with him. She tells him they only have 3 more months and then they can do whatever he wants. Lola is possessed and kills Mallory’s sibling’s pet rabbit. Lola attacks James and the segment ends. I found this segment interesting but felt it had little to do with the rest of the film’s theme but according to the film’s tagline “Death Is Only The Beginning,” I guess it does.

The third segment, directed by and starring Will Devokees, Writers Beware is my personal favorite of the segments. A writer named Robert Zirn (Devokees) is feeling troubled after some recent bad publicity and needs to lay low to write his new book. His assistant Paul finds him a dilapidated house in the middle of nowhere. Robert isn’t too pleased about this and continues to complain about it to Paul, and the owner of the house Don. Something is living in the attic and Robert lets it out and it chases him through the house. It’s a tale of a bad man getting his comeuppance. 

The fourth and final segment, More Than You Can Chew, is directed by Clint Kelly. It revolves around Morgan a recently turned vampire who is struggling with her transformation, food no longer satiates her hunger and makes her sick as a dog, she runs outside to find a victim but instead tries to eat a zombie, who takes a bite out of her. Something is horrible is happening to her but her boyfriend Jake comes over and she is forced to try to tough it out. Her boyfriend Jake is played by Eigh8t the Chosen One, a rapper, and a former Youtube DVD reviewer. This segment features the best effects of the entire film.

Altogether I thought this was a solid anthology film but it does have its issues. Some segments have music featured in them and it is so loud that it drains out the dialogue, the segments themes don’t really seem to connect well, especially considering the radio continues to talk about zombies and vampires. I really thought the whole film would feature zombies and vampires as it comes out of the gate pretty strong with that approach. Some of the segments aren’t that greatly realized, with the wrap around and 3 Months being the most lackluster. 

You can definitely tell this is not a film with a gigantic budget but I still had some fun with it. It can be rented through Vimeo for $2.99 and purchased for $8.99, but if you have Amazon Prime you can check it out without any additional costs.

Satan’s Blood (1978)

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Known in Spain as Escalofrio, this movie is exactly what you’re hunting for if what you want to see is late 70’s swingers stuck in a slowly going mad miasma of sexual depravity and Satanic hijinks. Go figure — that’s always exactly what I’m looking for in a movie!

Finally free from Francisco Franco’s repressed rule, Spanish filmmakers went nuts and made movie like, well, this one. Blame Carlos Puerto and Juan Piquer Simon (that magical lunatic who made Pieces and Slugs).

A young couple decides to see the city with their dog — they go get coffee and see Star Wars — and then meet up with another couple who live in a foreboding estate. Hey, it’s 1978 and the world is ending pretty much, so let’s see what happens next.

A big storm kicks in, the dog starts howling, it turns out that one of the girls used to sleep with the other girl’s brother and that one of the guys just nearly killed himself. And oh yeah — there’s a weird porcelain doll watching it all go down in front of the fire.

After dinner, they break out the black candles, the jazz cigarettes and the Ouija board — as you do — and things get weird.

Andy and Anna, the protagonist couple (I guess) decide that this would be a good time to head off to bed, but are awakened by loud noises and then a man in a black robe tries to attack Anna (keep in mind, every review I found online can’t agree as to the names of the couples, so let’s assume the other couple’s names are Bruno and Thelma).

Andy and Anna try to leave, but it’s too late — they keep getting pulled back to the house. So why not have a fourway romp on the pentagram rug with the hosts? Man, Spain was swinging in 1978!

Bruno, if that’s really his name, is played by Angel Aranda, who was in The Hellbenders. Ana is played by Mariana Karr, who went on to be in several Spanish soap operas. And that’s probably the only people you’d know, to be honest.

It doesn’t matter. This movie promises Satan, sin and sex and it delivers. I mean, it starts with a bunch of hooded worshippers all over a girl before they stab her with a big ceremonial blade. Some prints even start with a professor warning viewers of the dangers of Satanism! Wow!

Yes — the dog gets killed and eaten. I hate to be the one to tell you.

But hey — this is like 80 plus minutes long, the perfect length, and a real crowd pleaser. That is — if your crowd are all maniacs like me.

This was released by Mondo Macabro and Scorpion, but it’s out of print and commands high prices. Look for it at a used store, because trust me, you want this movie in your collection.

Black Angel (1946)

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Constance Dowling was a heart breaker. She started her entertainment career by lying about her age — and her occupation to her mother — to get a job as dancer at New York City’s Paradise nightclub. She went on to have a long affair with married director Elia Kazan, which only ended when she left town for Hollywood.

She lived in Italy from 1947 to 1950, where she romanced Italian poet/novelist Cesare Pavese, who committed suicide in 1950 after a lifetime to depression, political worries and the final rejection of Dowling. In his poetry, he refers to her as the “face of springtime,” yet one of his last poems was dedicated to her and mentioned that “death will come and she’ll have your eyes.” He overdosed on barbituates.

In 1955, Dowling married film producer Ivan Tors, who created Sea Hunt, Flipper, Daktari and Gentle Ben. He also produced her last film, Gog, before she retired to have three children and a foster child with Tors.

I’m telling you all this so that you know why she’s the perfect person to play gorgeous singer Mavis Marlowe (Constance Dowling), who is the mysterious and murdered character at the heart of this 1946 film noir.

Every man in Mavis’ life is now a suspect, like her drunk musician ex-husband Martin Blair (Dan Duryea, who usually plays the bad guy; interestingly enough his parents didn’t approve of him being an actor, so he worked for six years in advertising until the stress gave him a heart attack and he went for his dream of being a star), sinister nightclub owner Marko (Peter Lorre!) and Kirk Bennett, who gets busted for the crime.

Now, it’s time for his sainted wife Catherine (June Vincent, again this movie plays against type as Vincent was named Television’s Favorite Homewrecker by TV Guide as so many of her roles involved her stealing husbands and boyfriends) and Blair to learn the truth.

Broderick Crawford shows up as a cop, as does Wallace Ford (who was in Freaks), former National Boxing Association Middleweight Champion of the World Freddie Steele (who doubled for Errol Flynn in Gentleman Jim), former vaudevillian Ben Bard and Junius Matthews (the voice of Rabbit in the Winnie the Pooh cartoons and Archimedes in The Sword in the Stone).

Writer Cornell Woolrich disliked the movie made from his book. He had tons of other films made from his work, including The Leopard Man, Phantom Lady, The Return of the Whistler, Night Has a Thousand Eyes and Rear Window. He also had some surprising adaptions made from his stories, like Umberto Lenzi’s Seven Blood Stained Orchids, the 1984 role-playing and video game referencing Cloak and Dagger and the Tobe Hooper director made-for-TV movie I’m Dangerous Tonight.

This is the final movie for director Roy William Neill, who was behind eleven of the fourteen Basil Rathbone Sherlock Holmes movies, as well as Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man and an early 3D film called The Man From M.A.R.S.

Looking for an enjoyable noir? Good. This new Arrow Films release features a brand new restoration from original film elements, new audio commentary by writer and film scholar Alan K. Rode, and a video appreciation of the film by historian Neil Sinyard. 

You can get this blu ray release from Arrow Video.

DISCLAIMER: This movie was sent to us by Arrow. Thanks!

Survivor (1987)

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Please take into consideration that I was huge fan of The Dukes of Hazzard (I built the AMT model kits of the General Lee and Daisy’s Jeep) and never missed one of its 147 episodes during its 1979 to 1985 run. We previously discussed the who, what, where, when, and why of how the hit CBS series came to be during our “Redneck Week” July spotlight with its cinematic precursor, the 1975 film, Moonrunners. I tell you this because I am probably saying a lot more than needs to be said about this forgotten, way-too-late entry — because of its Dukes’ connection — in the Max Mad Road Warrior races.

Max, is that you?

And here’s a factoid: Survivor isn’t the only post-apocalypse flick that traces back to those good ‘ol Duke Boys. Catherine “Daisy Duke” Bach starred alongside Sam “Flash Gordon” Jones in the 1989 Filipino Mad Max rip-off, Driving Force.

“Wait a minute, there, R.D. Now I know for a fact that Tom Wopat and John Schneider never did a post-apocalypse flick. You’re not saying that Rosco P. Coltrane or Enos did one?”

Nope. But Vance Duke did.

“Who?”

Oh, see . . . you were one of the many people who stopped watching the show during its 1982 fifth season, the year when Wopat and Schneider got into a contract dispute (over show merchandising, e.g., the model kits) and walked off the show. To replace them, the production hastily created the Duke cousins Coy and Vance, played by Bryon Cherry and Christopher “Chip” Mayer, respectively, for a 19 episode arc (they were on the shortlist for the Bo and Luke roles during auditions, but lost).

Written out of the show when Wopat and Schneider returned, Mayer bounced from series to series with guest roles on U.S. TV series, such as Simon & Simon and The Love Boat, eventually scoring a 180-episode acting gig on the U.S. daytime drama, Santa Barbara.

But before Santa Barbara, for his leading man debut in a feature film, Chip Mayer (February 21, 1954 – July 23, 2011) found himself cast alongside another fellow, U.S. television actor, Richard Moll (The Dungeonmaster), in this South African-produced Max Max knockoff that was shot in the country of Namibia and the city of Touws River (outside of Cape Town) in the South African Western Cape province. Oh, and guess who the production company is . . . Sir Lew Grade’s ITC Entertainment, the company behind Space: 1999 and Saturn 3. (What little dialog this film has, the characters mumble about Libya, Spain, and Turkey, but all Intel points to this being filmed exclusively in South Africa.)

Barely recognizable with his blonde buzzcut and matching, scruffy beard (and looking like Ace Hunter in the apoc-cheese fest, Megaforce), we meet the “astronaut with no name” courtesy of your typical, low-budget straight-to-video cheat of a voiceover-flashback punctuated by a NASA stock footage shuttle launch. We come to learn the “Survivor” left his wife and child behind for a mission on the Challenger 2 to launch an anti-missile satellite system (via stock footage) — too late. WW III broke out while he was in space.

Now a nomad, he roams the wastelands on a (cool prop) solar-powered railroad handcar. Courtesy of his “inner voice,” we learn that in past ten years he’s met thirty people. Then, when he happens upon a makeshift, rusted out water tower guarded by the first man he’s seen in a year — he’s forced to kill him in self-defense.

Now if you feel you’re ready to faint from a case of post-nuke induced Stendal syndrome, that’s because we’ve seen this post-WW III astronaut swap for a Clint Eastwood-inspired future cop — many times. In some apoc déjà vu quarters, it’s opined that Survivor is a “loose remake” of The Aftermath, actor Steve Barkett’s 1982 vanity-apoc that made the UK Section 3 video nasty list. But the post-nuke astronaut genre of the Snake Plissken-Max Rocktansky-Paco Queruak ’80s dates to the far superior, German-produced Operation Ganymed from 1977 — itself pinched (IMO) to script the 1985 Canadian apoc-romp, Def-Con 4 — which was then pinched by the South Africans for Chip Mayer’s Survivor. (I just fainted on the video store floor!)

Now, if you remember your analog audio and video duplication-production days, all those copies-of-a-copy begin to show signs of generational degradation. And those same degrades occur with screenplays. Granted, while The Aftermath, Def-Con 4, and Survivor have decent costuming and some acting, with the occasional burst of inspired budget-strapped set design, these tales tend to get bogged down to a slow, meandering boredom.

As Robert McKee opined in his screenwriting bible, Story:

“Any idiot can write voice-over narration (and put text on the screen) to explain the thoughts of a character (and set up a story). You must present the internal conflicts of your character in image, in symbol. Film is a medium of movement and image.”

And that’s the flaw with Survivor: a lack of movement and image, falling back on voiceovers and non-linear storytelling (calling this “sci-fi film noir” is a stretch, so don’t) as result of its script’s ambitions over its (lack of) budget (there’s almost no speaking on-camera). Perhaps, if there was a budget and Chip Mayer portrayed an action-driven Snake instead of a philosophical Max, Survivor could have been a low-budget hit and Chip would have ignited a theatrical career (or a direct-to-video one with a Survivor II) in lieu of retreating to U.S. daytime television to pay the rent. And that’s a shame: while the film he’s in has its expanses of tediousness — he’s excellent throughout. Given a decent film, he could have carried it with aplomb.

Now, that’s not to say that Michael Shackleton is inept as a director (his only film). It seems he made a creative choice of using atmosphere over action and opted to ditch (by 1987 it all got a bit silly, anyway) the ubiquitous punk-rock adorned biker gangs and desert rats rolling around in three-hundred year old auto wrecks fueled by bottomless gas pits and equipped with a bottomless arsenal of bullets (see the 1983 Filipino apoc-for-water romp Stryker for evidence of that hokum).

So it turns out that desert rat the Survivor killed in the beginning of the film tipped him off on the “The Immortan Joe” of these post-apoc proceedings, Kragg (Richard Moll), who rules a hidden industrial complex, i.e., a “power station,” (that rivals the repurposing of rusted out factories in the 1979’s Ravagers) which holds “the world’s” water supply. During his journey, Mayer meets the “woman with no name” (Sue Keil; Linda Blair’s Red Heat ) who holds up in a majestic, costal rusted-out ship wreck (that rivals the ship wreck repurposing in the zombie romp, Shock Waves). Then we see some soft-core make out action — complete with a gushy, ’80s synth-vocal tune. Kragg kidnaps her, natch, and the inevitable battle between the Survivor and Kragg ensues.

Oh, caveat emptor, ye seekers of DVDs: there is no official DVD of Survivor . . . and the U.S. grey market VHS rips-to-DVD are missing between fifteen to twenty minutes of film. The European DVDs, however, which are ripped from the Euro-laser discs, which are ripped from the VHS, kept the full film intact. (My analog Stendal is coming back!) And since Survivor has fallen into the public domain and the studio/producers don’t seem to care, you’ll have to take your chances on a finding a surviving VHS copy.

All in all, Survivor is a great place to visit — with great, barren and bleak locations and a good use of pre-existing abandoned “sets” tailor made for an apoc-universe — but you wouldn’t want to live, well, replay it again after one viewing. To enjoy Survivor online, the best we’ve got are the VHS rips of its Italian dub and Russian dub on You Tube.

And if you missed our month-long September rally of post-apoc film reviews, you can catch up with a complete listing featured in our “Atomic Dustbin” recaps, Parts 1 and Part 2.

Uh, oh . . . and what’s this, pray tell?

Holy Stendal déjà vu, Batman!

Richard Moll’s Kragg was back again . . . no, wait . . . he’s Kyla this time . . . in this 1998 Puerto Rican-produced jungle-apoc romp that we’ll get into later . . . (and you can now read that January 27-post review, here).

Not be be confused with . . .
Or with . . .

About the Author: You can read the music and film criticisms of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S Movies.

Highway to Hell (1991)

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Ate de Jong directed a film you may know: Drop Dead Fred. He followed that up with this Brian Helgeland-written film. Both of these gentlemen have gone on to some amazing things in their careers. Perhaps they don’t recall making a movie about a road to Hades all that fondly. Who knows?

Me, I appreciate any movie that has Satanic cops and appearances from Lita Ford, Gilbert Gottfried as Hitler and nearly the entire Stiller family (Ben, Amy and their parents, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara). It’s kind of like Mad Max in Hell, with diners aplenty and Chad Lowe.

Charlie Sykes (Lowe) and Rachel Clark (Kristy Swanson) run away to elope in the capital of sin on Earth, Las Vegas. On the way, they ignore the warnings of a gas station attendant named Sam (Richard Farnsworth, Misery, The Straight Story) who tells them that an abandoned backroad is really the road to Hell.

Rachel gets kidnapped by Sgt. Bedlam the Hellcop (C.J. Graham, who played Jason in Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives), but Sam gives Charlie a shotgun and a car that will help him in Hell.

Charlie soon battles a motorcycle gang led by Royce (Adam Storke, who was Larry Underwood in The Stand and Julia Roberts’ love interest in Mystic Pizza) and meets a repairman named Beezle (Patrick Bergin, who also has Julia Roberts experience, as he was her antagonist in Sleeping With the Enemy) whose kid Adam sneaks along for the ride along with Charlie’s dog Ben.

What follows are races from Hell to Earth, a revelation as to who Satan really is, Kevin Peter Hall (who played the Predator and Harry from Harry and the Hendersons) as Charon the boatman, Pamela Gidley (Cherry 2000 herself!) showing up, nitro jumps, effects from Randall William Cook (who worked on two of The Gate films and was I, Madman) and Steve Johnson (whose credits include Predator, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Blade II and being married for some time to Linnea Quigley).

You can watch this on Amazon Prime.

The Bat People (1974)

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There’s nothing quite like your backyard neighbors going off the chain on another one of their loud, drunken benders waking you from a sound sleep to watch a Jerry Jameson film.

Jerry is old school Hollywood and he’s done it all: Low-budget Drive-In fare with 1971’s Brute Corps and 1972’s The Dirt Gang, along with episodes of U.S. TV series such as The Mod Squad, The Rookies, Cannon, and The Six Million Dollar Man, going all the way back to The Andy Griffith Show and Gomer Pyle: USMC. Then there’s his prolific crop of ‘70s TV movies, such as Heatwave!, The Elevator, Hurricane, and Terror on the 40th Floor, along with one of the best TV movies of the ‘70s (the one that transitioned Kurt Russell from child to adult actor and earned him his role in Escape from New York): 1975’s The Deadly Tower.

Then Universal Studios called Jerry up to the big leagues to direct the one of the ‘70s quintessential box office “disaster” smashes: Airport ’77. Sadly, Jerry also directed one of the ‘80s biggest box office bombs, 1980’s Raise the Titanic—which sunk his theatrical career (insert cheesy trombone, here). But let’s not blame Jerry: Blame Sir Lew Grade, the head of ITC Entertainment, for Raise the Titanic. Not only did the film bankrupt the studio, it had adverse effects on the production of Kirk Douglas’s Saturn 3—which subsequently bombed and assisted in the studio’s bankruptcy.

So that is that story. . . .

And that brings us to The Bat People, Jerry’s fourth film overall and his third Drive-In flick. For his leads he cast Stewart Moss (Star Trek: TOS, pick a U.S. TV series) and Marianne McAndrew (Hawaii Five-O; pick a U.S. TV series), two actors he knew intimately from their mutual TV series projects. And bonus: the always awesome Michael Pataki (Grave of the Vampire, Mansion of the Doomed, Rocky IV, The Baby (!) . . . oh, hell, just search his name under “About” on B&S, we just love ‘em here) is Sgt. Ward: the sleazy ‘n leering, bumbling sheriff who is more interested in boinking the local babes (don’t they all in these grindhousers) than tracking down a vampire.

Moss and McAndrew (who are husband and wife in real life) are the ‘70s swingin’ Dr. John Beck and his wife Cathy. The love birds (or is that bats) decide to take a little excursion from their ski lodge vacation to explore an underground cave. Uh, oh. Yes, of course, as when couples explore graveyards and crypts always do (in these grindhousers): the cave makes them a bit “randy” (?). Yep, ‘ol Cathy slips down a crevice (in the cave, not John’s . . . well, him into her’s, actually, you perv!). During the course of rescuing Cathy . . . yep, John’s bitten by a bat (a fruit bat, mind you) and he slowly transforms into a “batman” with an insatiable quest for blood.

Now, you’re wondering: Do we really get a “batman” in this?

Nope. Just a lot of bed-bound seizures and nightmare-babble about “killing people” from the Doc, as his wife blames the hallucinations as an after effect of the rabies vaccine she keeps pumping into him. And no: Dr. John never spouts wings and flies (if this were a David Cronenberg film, we would). And, it is just me, but does the good ‘ol Doc look more like a werewolf, hell, an ape (and a mangy one at that) from Planet of the Apes, than bat?

Eh, yeah. The Bat People is slow. It’s clunky. It meanders. And considering this is an A.I.P (American International Pictures) Drive-In flick from the ‘70s, it’s disappointing there’s no gore or nudity—at least not in the Comet TV cut I watched; perhaps you’ll have better luck with the MGM Midnite Movies DVD cut (and you’ll get a two-fer with The Beast Within; Oh, and heads up: the MGM Midnite Movies imprint also carries the sci-fi vampire bat romp Chosen Survivors).

In the end The Bat People is all about seeing the early baby steps from actors and filmmakers. In this case, not only with Jerry Jameson, but with special effects artist Stan Winston, as The Bat People is notable as Winston’s first feature film—on his way to becoming a five-time Oscar Winner (you know his work from Aliens and the Jurassic Park franchise, just to name a few). And keen eyes weened on ’70s television will notice character actor Paul Carr (Truck Stop Women) as Dr. Kipling, who worked with Jameson on numerous TV series.

As for Jerry Jameson: He’s still steppin’! Not only did he direct 18 episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger but, at 81 years old, he was still going strong, directing Kate Mara (Sue Storm in 2015’s Fantastic Four) and David Oyelowo (Rise of the Planet of the Apes) in Paramount Studios’ The Captive (2015).

Well, that’s that. Another B&S review bites the dust.

Drop me a message and I’ll pass on my neighbors’ address so you can send them a thank you card for turning you onto The Bat People. It’s playing all this month on Comet TV and you can also catch it on Amazon Prime. If you’d prefer a hard copy, you can pick up Shout! Factory’s single disc Blu-ray or their 4-Film Pack. However, if you need to save a buck, there’s a rip of the MGM DVD version on You Tube. Here’s the Shout Factory! restoration trailer.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Holocaust 2000 (1977)

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Of all the things the devil’s done, I wonder exactly how he was able to get Kirk Douglas — KIRK DOUGLAS! — to be in an Alberto De Martino ripoff of The Omen? I mean, this is the same director who made The Antichrist and Miami Golem! What horrifying secrets does the First of the Fallen have to make one of the lead actors of Hollywood’s Golden Age appear in this burst of Satanic majesty?

Holocaust 2000 (AKA the Chosen and Rain of Fire) was written by De Martino, Michael Robson and Sergio Donati, who wrote some of the script for Once Upon a Time In the West and Duck, You Sucker! as well as Orca, early Arnold vehicle Raw Deal and the original version of Man On Fire.

You gotta hand it to Robert Caine (Douglas). No matter how many people protest, no matter the fact that his wife was stabbed in front of him at a party or the killer went nuts in a mental institution and sliced his own wrists in front of him, he’s not giving up his plan to build a nuclear power plant near a sacred cave in the Middle East.

He soon learns that he has bigger problems. His son Angel (Simon Ward, The Monster Club) is the Antichrist and the plant he wants to build looks just like the evil beast that the Whore of Babylon will ride at the end of the world.

Seriously, after a bit of crumpet, Caine falls asleep next to his way too young new girlfriend (Agostina Belliand, who was in the original Scent of a Woman) watches the nuclear plant rise from the sea, with multiple heads rising from the currents.

An Italian and UK co-production, this movie also features Ivo Garrani (Bava’s Black Sabbath) as The Prime Minister, Alexander Knox (who nearly won an Oscar for 1944’s Wilson before his liberal views got him chased out of Hollywood during the McCarthy era), Adolfo Celi (who wasn’t just Emilio Largo in Thunderball, he was also the Captain in Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man and the villainous Ralph Valmount in Danger: Diabolik), Geoffrey Keen (Minister of Defence Frederick Gray in six James Bond movies and one of the three noblemen using Dracula in Taste the Blood of Dracula), Peter Cellier (Sir Frank Gordon from yes, Prime Minister), Denis Lawson (Wedge Antilles!) and Tony Clarkin, who played a stormtrooper in the second and sixth Star Wars movies, as well as appearances in The Monster Club as a vampire and Outland.

In Europe, this movie ends with Caine living in exile with his newborn child, as Angel begins developing the plant intended to cause Armageddon. But in the U.S., Douglas returns to his company and blows everybody up real good.

I’ve wanted to see this movie since I saw its trailer on Trailer Trauma. You can still get that collection from Diabolik DVD and get fired up about finding some strange movies yourself.

You can get this on blu ray from Shout! Factory.

ANOTHER TAKE ON: The House by the Cemetery (1981)

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Have I ever told you how much I love Lucio Fulci?

Oh, I have? Like, thousands of times?

Like when I talked about this movie a few years ago?

And when I talked about Don’t Torture a Duckling?

Or when I talked about his deeper cuts, like Conquest, Murder Rock and The Devil’s Honey? Aenigma, Contraband and Perversion Story?

Yeah, I love me some Fulci.

So this review isn’t going to objective.

You have no idea how happy I am to own the 4K version of Fulci’s classic Quella Villa Accanto al Cimitero. Blue Underground has been releasing some astounding versions of Fulci’s masterworks this year, such as Zombie and The New York Ripper. Now, they’re giving the same high quality treatment to Dr. Freudstein and, of course, little Bob.

Norman and Lucy Boyle (Paolo Malco, Thunder and Catriona MacColl, who is also in Fulci’s City of the Living Dead and The Beyond) have just left New York City behind to live in the country, which Norman will work on the same research that his friend Dr. Peterson was undertaking — you know, before he went nuts and killed his mistress and himself.

Why should Norman tell his family that they’re moving into such a frightening house? He can just scream at his wife and demand that she start taking her pills again when he isn’t exchanging sex eyes with Ann the babysitter (Ania Pieroni, Mater Lachrymarum!).

70’s scream queen Dagmar Lassender (The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire, Hatchet for the Honeymoon) shows up as a real estate agent, Fulci himself appears as a professor and Giovanni Frezza owns the film as the female-voice child Bob Boyle. You’re either going to hate Bob or love him. I belong to the latter camp. Frezza also shows up in Warriors of the Wasteland, Demons and Manhattan Baby.

Hey Blue Underground — I’m the only one asking for it, but where’s the 4K Manhattan Baby?!?

I adore this movie because it’s really all over the place. It’s kind of, sort of The Amityville Horror by way of The Shining while also being a zombie picture and at other times, becoming a slasher. Dr. Freudstein is a mess, falling apart, losing his hand and killing everyone Bob loves for reasons that are left up to you — the viewer — to define.

It also ends up a great quote — “No one will ever know whether the children are monsters or the monsters are children” — that is attributed to Henry James but really came from Fulci. I have no idea how it ties to this movie at all and I’ve watched this film potentially hundreds of times.

I’ll be honest — I first discovered this movie at an all-night drive-in series of zombie films. I wondered why it was part of the show and thought that it surely would suffer compared to the other movies shown that evening. I was completely wrong.

You can watch this on Amazon Prime, but really, you owe it to yourself to purchase the Blue Underground set. Beyond the best that this movie has ever looked — and will probably ever look, until they figure out how to beam it directly into your skull — you get an entire disc full of extras, such as new audio commentary by Troy Howarth, author of Splintered Visions: Lucio Fulci and His Films, interviews with MacColl, Marco,  Lassander, Carlo De Mejo, Giovanni De Nava and child stars Giovanni Frezza and Silvia Collatina.

But this set goes even further, spending time with co-writers Dardano Sacchetti , Giorgio Mariuzzo and Elisa Briganti, as well as interviews with cinematographer Sergio Salvati, effects artists Maurizio Trani and Gino De Rossi. There’s also a new Q&A with MacColl and an interview regarding the film with Stephen Thrower, author of Beyond Terror: The Films of Lucio Fulci.

Is that enough? No. It’s not. Blue Underground also throws in a lovely book — which has much better printing than the one inside The New York Ripper set — and a CD of the film’s soundtrack.

Now, do you aleady own this film? Are you someone like me who has purchased it more than twice? Do you really need another copy? Do you need the good doctor to come to your house and seep maggots all over your hardwood floor to convince you?

Take one look at the lenticular cover of this gorgeous set and try and say no. It’s impossible.

DISCLAIMER: This movie was sent to us by Blue Underground, but we were going to buy it regardless. I love this movie so much that there’s no way I wans’t going to love this. Sorry guys. I promise to be more objective in my non-Fulci reviews.

Suffer, Little Children (1983)

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A beyond low budget film made by a drama school and directed by the former owner of the Brixton Academy, Alan Briggs, this movie is strange beyond strange. Basically shot on VHS yet proclaiming that it’s based on true events, it comes off as both amateur hour and endearingly earnest. It’s a combination that more than pays off.

Elizabeth shows up at a children’s school with a note that says she’d be better off being there. That’s because she’s possessed — not to skate, but by Satan. Soon, zombies are rising from the dead and the other children are under her control.

This sounds like so many movies that I love, like Cathy’s Curse, but this movie makes it even better by having blaring heavy metal play every time Satan’s powers are used and VHS static between each and every transition.

It’s the last fifteen minutes of the movie that make it great, with the evil kids decimating the adults until Jesus Christ himself shows up to take care of business, complete with video game drones, boops and beeps.

No, I didn’t believe it either.

You have to love a movie that has its child actors writing about it on IMDB.

You can get this — of course — from Intervision and Severin.

According to Severin, “Suffer, Little Children is a reconstruction of the events, which took place at 45 Kingston Road, New Malden, Surrey, England in August 1984. None of these events were reported in the press and now the house is scheduled for demolition in the immediate future.”

You basically want this in your life right now.

Sam’s right: you need this 3/4″ spool of trashy incompetence in your life that isn’t in the least biographical and everything about pinching from Stephen King’s The Shining, as well as The Exorcist and The Omen — and probably even Amando de Ossorio 1975 rip of The Exorcist with Demon Witch Child, but with none of that film’s de Ossorioness.

All of these bad actors are from a drama school? The owner of the Brixton Academy — where The Smiths played their last gig in 1986 — made this? Stick to concert promotions and venue management. Even at 74 minutes, this is too long. And there’s the dodgy sound, the poor framing . . . and poor everything else. But hey, they tired, they made a movie . . . about Jesus showing up and killing all the devil worshiping kids. Come to think of it: didn’t Jesus show up in Giulio Paradisi’s The Visitor?

Yeah, this is SOV gold at the end of the crinkly, celluloid rainbow. Marshmallow stars, included.

The Blood on Satan’s Claw (1971)

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In his BBC documentary series A History of Horror, Mark Gatiss referred to this film, along with Witchfinder General and The Wicker Man, as the prime example of a short-lived subgenre he called folk horror.

It’s directed by Piers Haggard, who also was behind The Quatermass Conclusion, The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu and Venom. He’s also the great-great-nephew of H. Rider Haggard, the creator of Allan Quartermain.

Robert Wynne-Simmons was hired to write the story, which was inspired by the modern-day Manson Family and Mary Bell child murders.

In the early 18th century, Ralph Gower (Barry Andrews, Dracula Has Risen from His Grave) uncovers a one-eyed skill covered with fur while plowing his fields. He asks the judge (Patrick Wymark, Dr. Syn, Alias the Scarecrow) to look at it, but it’s gone missing, and his fears are ridiculous.

Peter Edmonton brings his fiancee, Rosalind Barton (Tamara Ustinov, Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb), to meet his aunt, Mistress Banham. Banham disapproves of the coupling and demands that Rosalind sleep in an attic room. After screaming throughout the night, she soon gets ill, and the judge commits her. As she’s led away, Peter discovers she has a claw instead of a hand.

Claws show up all over this — hidden in fields to be found by children and attacking Peter inside the cursed room, causing him to sever his hand. The judge leaves behind the town for London but promises to return. He places Squire Middleton (James Hayter, The 39 Steps) in charge.

One of the children who found the claw, Mark, is lured out by his classmates and killed in a ritual game by the leader of a new cult, Angel Blake (Linda Hayden, Madhouse, Queen Kong). She even tries to seduce Fallowfield (Anthony Ainley, the Master from Dr. Who) and tells him that Mark had the devil inside him, which needed to be cut out. Her group also has a Black Mass inside a ruined church where they attack Mark’s sister Cathy (Wendy Padbury, companion Zoe on Dr. Who). They ritualistically assault and murder her before tearing the fur from her skin.

Of course, it’s not long before all hell quite literally breaks loose, with insane children raising Satan himself from the Great Beyond and Ralph growing fur on his leg, marking him for death. This movie is…well, there’s nothing else quite like it. I can see why it had a limited audience for years; it’s so dark and unforgiving.

“It never made much money,” said Haggard. “It wasn’t a hit. From the very beginning, it had a minority appeal. A few people absolutely loved it, but the audiences didn’t turn out for it.”

While Satan’s Skin was the original title, you must give it to American International Pictures’ Samuel Z. Arkoff, who created the film’s title.