EDITOR’S NOTES: We originally covered this movie on January 24, 2021. It’s Jess Franco month so et’s talk about it again.

Alain Payet — working under the name James Gartner* — mostly worked in adult films and supposedly directed this, but a few minutes in and you realize that no, you’re watching another Jess Franco movie, which is even more apparent when you realize that even though he didn’t put his name on as a director, he used two aliases for writing (story by Jeff Manner, screenplay by A.L. Mariaux) and Lina Romay shows up as one of the Amazon guards.

Man, this movie is — as is obvious — a mess, but it’s also about Liana Simpson (Analía Ivars, Panther Squad, Franco’s Lust for Frankenstein), whose parents were killed by the Golden Temple Amazons — we get to watch it more than once — and she was raised by the creatures of the jungle before getting her chimp Rocky and a witch doctor named Koukou (Stanley Kapoul, who is also in The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak, which is a much better movie of the same genre).

There’s also Antonio Mayans (who was in Revenge of the Alligator Girls and directed its sequel), William Berger in a loincloth, Emilio Linder from Christina and Monster Dog, Alicia Príncipe (The Erotic Story of O) and Eva León (Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll, Bahía Blanca) as Rena, the leader of the Amazons, who has an all gold everything matchy matchy fashion ensemble.

There’s also the same deathtrap from Erotic Rites of Frankenstein, so this has that going for it.

Look — you’re gonna like Jess Franco or you’re going to be bored into insanity or if you’re me, you’re going to zone out and use his movies to improve your positive mental attitude and use his tics — long pauses, plenty of scenery, a near-total disregard for how to tell a story — to get closer to Nirvana. Join me, I guess.

*On Letterboxd, Kyle Faulkner drops some science on me by stating how Payet came on board when Eurocine bought this movie, took a bunch of Franco footage to reedit and added shots of women on horseback. This actually played theaters, which is destroying my brain.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Lee J. Thompson and Charles Bronson wore together several times. Six, to be exact, with this movie, St. Ives, The White Buffalo, Caboblanco, 10 to Midnight and The Evil That Men Do making up the full list of their collaborations.

Writer Gail Morgan Hickman’s (The Enforcer, Death Wish IV: The Crackdown) script was one that Cannon liked, but at this point, they’d started to overspend, so they weren’t forthcoming with the money the film would need, as producer Pancho Kohner, Thompson and Bronson. The team took the movie to took Hemdale and were immediately given the green light with a much better deal.

Cannon sued for breach of contract and claimed that they had already pre-sold most of the worldwide rights and stated that it would damage their company if someone else made it. After all, Cannon often pre-sold movies based on loglines and pasted together ads well before the movies were made.

A lawsuit was avoided, allowing Cannon to financed and released the movie, with Hemdale getting foreign video rights. As for Bronson, Kohner and Thompson, they got a three-movie deal with Cannon, which ended up being the aforementioned Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, Messenger of Death and Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects.

Bronson plays Jack Murphy and at 65 years old, you really get the sense that just like his character, he’s exhausted. Indeed, he was often frustrated at the delays between takes and would shout, “Let’s shoot! Let’s shoot!” as he wanted to get back to his family. As for Murphy, he has no family, as his ex-wife (Angel Tompkins, who was the titular The Teacher and also was in The Farmer) has started dancing at a men’s club frequented by other cops, making him the target of their jokes. So he drinks away his days and wastes his nights watching the woman he chased away attract other men.

Meanwhile, a woman he put away named Joan Freeman (Carrie Snodgress, who Stallone wanted to be Adrian in Rocky, with Harvey Keitel as Paulie, but money was a major issue; she’s best known for her role in Diary of a Mad Housewife; Neil Young wrote the songs “A Man Needs a Maid,” “Harvest,” “Out on the Weekend” and “Heart of Gold” about her) is out of jail and conspiring to ruin his life, as if it can be further ruined. She begins killing those close to him — mostly cops, as she blames them just as much as him — ending with his ex. Soon Murphy’s headed for jail with many of the criminals he put there.

Somehow, as Murphy is first arrested, he’s handcuffed to Arabella McGee (Kathleen Wilhoite, Road House, Fire In the Sky), a potty mouthed homeless girl that he’d recently arrested. As she repeatedly verbally abuses Murphy with phrases like butt crust, monkey vomit, jizm breath, sperm bank, dildo nose and snot-licking donkey fart, Arabella doesn’t speak like anyone in any movie ever, which is why I find her so endearing and this movie just so delightfully odd. Wilhoite was a method actress and felt that probably her character should have looked more homeless, but she got to keep all of the designer clothes that her character wore, so that probably made wearing it in the film much easier.

Before fiming started, Thompson and Kohner coached Wilhoite all about how to best get along with the tempermental Bronson, which worked, because they got along well according to reports.

She also sang the movie’s theme song!

That said, she wasn’t the first choice for the role. Supposedly, Madonna was up for the role but wanted a million bucks. So was Joan Jett, who had just been in Light of Day. While she didn’t get the part, she ended up growing close to Bronson’s wife Jill Ireland. In a Q&A on her official fan site, Jett answered the question “How did the song, “Don’t Surrender” come about? And who is Jill Ireland?” with the following:

“Jill was Charles Bronson’s wife, also a wonderful actress. We met over the possibility of me co-starring with Charles B. in a movie. We became great friends, she turned me on to crystals, etc. and taught me a lot during our friendship. When she died, I was very upset, but channeled that (what I saw in Jill: strength, honor, dignity) and wrote “Don’t Surrender” with Desmond, inspired by Jill.”

Handcuffed together, the two go on the run, stealing a helicopter and landing on — and crashing through, Demons style — the growhouse of some well-armed marijuana farmers, which gives Murphy the chance to save Arabella from a group assault, making me wonder if Michael Winner directed this movie. You can tell he didn’t because it’s quick, they don’t succeed and the camera doesn’t linger like a lunatic.

Then again, Thompson also made Kinjite…

Anyways, the duo ends up getting along better and better, with even the hint of romance by the end. They take up in the home of one of one of his old partners, but the killings move there too.

Of interest to fans of Jason Vorhees, the growhouse is a location from Friday the 13th Part III and his partner’s house is from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter.

Murphy thinks that the killings are the result of a vendetta between him and mobster Frank Vincenzo (Richard Romanus) before making his way back to the Bradbury Building in Los Angeles, the same place where Freeman was arrested for shooting her boyfriend, a security guard at the building.

The Bradbury is a historic LA building and you may recognize it from noir movies like the original I, the Jury and D.O.A. as well as a more futuristic take on the genre, Blade Runner. The building demanded that no food or drink was permitted on set during filming, but not having craft services was worth it, because the close is tense, with the cops working for Vincenzo gunning for Murphy and Freeman stalking him with a crossbow and then attacking him with an axe.

Murphy’s Law is also filled with roles for plenty of great tough guy actors, like Lawrence Tierney, Robert F. Lyons and Bill Henderson. It’s a movie that both embraces and escapes many of the things you expect from a Bronson movie It’s violent, profane and removed from reality, but I love how it has both a female protagonist and antagonist, lightening the normal testosterone-filled world of Bronson just enough to make things a little different. The dialogue is beyond ridiculous, which made me love this movie even more. It’s beyond quotable, including the line, “Don’t fuck with Jack Murphy!”

You can get the new blu ray release of this film from Kino Lorber. It has some great extras, like commentary by Wilhoite and film historian Nick Redman, an interview with Robert F. Lyons, two radio commercials and a trailer.

The sequel to the 1984 film Cop au Vin, Inspecteur Lavardin finds the detective (Jean Poiret) demoted to investigations in a small coastal town due to his investigation techniques involving dunking suspect’s heads under water. This brings him into the case of a murdered Catholic writer named Raoul Mons, who has been found dead on the beach with the word pig written all over his back.

It turns out that Raoul wasn’t just a drug dealer, blackmailer and rapist, but also was married to Helene, an old flame that Lavardin hasn’t seen for twenty years. Even stranger, her daughter is named Véronique, the same name he’d always wanted to give to a daughter. And when the truth comes out, will the Inspector stay with his new family or just go home alone with his breakfast obsessions and the photo of a murderess in his wallet?

Two years later, Poiret would return to this role for four episodes of the TV series Les dossiers secrets de l’inspecteur Lavardin, which was written by Chabrol, had two episodes directed by him and also featured his son Thomas.

Arrow Video’s Lies And Deceit: Five Films By Claude Chabrol collected five high definitions (1080p) blu ray versions of Cop Au Vin and Inspector Lavardin to Madame Bovary, Betty and Torment. Each movie has an introduction by film scholar Joël Magny and select scene commentaries by Chabrol. Additionally, there’s an 80-page collector’s booklet of new writing by film critics Martyn Conterio, Kat Ellinger, Philip Kemp and Sam Wigley, trailers and image galleries for each movie and limited edition packaging with newly commissioned artwork by Tony Stella.

Cop Au Vin has new commentary by critic Ben Sachs and Why Chabrol?, a new interview with film critic Sam Wigley on why Chabrol remains essential viewing

You can order this set from MVD.

Entrails of a Beautiful Woman is the sequel to Entrails of a Virgin and was directed and written by Kazuo “Gaira” Komizu, who also made the family-friendly movies Guzoo: The Thing Forsaken by God – Part I and Rabbit sex: Joshigakusei shûdan bôkô jiken.

After a young woman is used and abused by the Yakuza — and her sister is treated to the same horrific fate — she tells her story to a psychologist before committing suicide. But then that same psychologist tries to get revenge, only to also find herself facing the same end before she’s dismembered and buried along with the body of another criminal.

Somehow, thanks to gory Japanese scumbag fate, their bodies melt together and become a dual sexed zombie that treats the criminals the same way that they were treated, whether by violence or, well, look this movie is going to go places that movies like Incubus only hint at, making that movie look like a film you can watch with your parents by comparison.

If someone offers you the drug Angel Rain, just say no.

Yeah, I get it, the original Poltergeist is incredible and the real enemy is the greed of the Reagan 80s, but that movie has real skeletons in a swimming pool and this one has H.R. Giger-designed monsters and a villain in Rev. Henry Kane that still frightens me because he could be real — well, you know, before he became a ghost — as he led his entire apocalyptic cult into a cave and sealed them inside to die at his side rather than face his end times prophecy being incorrect.

Supposedly, the first time Heather O’Rourke saw Kane, she burst into tears.

Whether he’s singing “God is in His Holy Temple! Earthly thoughts be silent now!” or screaming at an entire horrified family “You’re gonna die in there! All of you! YOU ARE GONNA DIE!” Kane is everything perfect and awesome and unholy about horror movie villains all wrapped up in the sinister form of a preacher. He was played by Julian Beck, the co-founder and director of The Living Theatre, which seems to be pretty highbrow origins for a scary movie bad guy. Then again, he was influenced by Antonin Artaud and the Theatre of Cruelty, much like Lucio Fulci. Sadly, Beck died of stomach cancer before this movie even came out; his real life persona was not a holy man, as he was charged dozen times on three continents for crimes including disorderly conduct, indecent exposure, possession of narcotics and failing to participate in a civil defense drill.

The Freelings family are all back — Diane (Jo Beth Williams), Steve (Craig T. Nelson), Robbie (Oliver Robbins) and Carol Anne (O’Rourke) — except for their daughter Dana, as sadly Dominique Dunne was murdered shortly after the first movie played theaters. It’s said that she is away at college.

Kane comes into the story when it turns out that Carol Anne is one of the few living beings who has been to the world of the dead and came back. Kane wants to use her to come into our world, where he can show up for limited periods, doing absolutely terrifying things* such as calling people on toy phones and making Steve throw up a gigantic worm, which is played by Noble Craig, a Vietnam vet who lost lose both of his legs, his right arm and most of the sight in his right eye. He turned that horrible moment in his life into the ability to become a living and breathing special effect in Sssssss, the remake of The Blob, Bride of the Re-Animator, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child and Big Trouble In Little China.

Luckily, they have some help this time from Will Sampson from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest as a magical Native American, a returning Zelda Rubenstein as Tangina Barrons and Geraldine Fitzgerald as the recently passed Grandma Jess.

As for that supposed curse, well, Sampson also died from open heart surgery not long after this movie. Supposedly, he came in late at night and did an exorcism on the set after some film was ruined.

We can agree or disagree on that film legend, but nobody at all debates who made this one: Brian Gibson.

This movie by all rights should be horrible, but I can watch it again and again. It just hits the right notes and has one of the ultimate in horror film villains. If you haven’t seen it, don’t let the number after the name hold you back.

*He also sings “Leaning on Jesus,” the same song Robert Mitchum sings in The Night of the Hunter.

Directed*, photographed** and edited — and based on Denis Diderot’s 1780 novel La Religieuse, which started as a practical joke in which the writer tried to lure Marquis de Croismare back to Paris with letters from a nun named Suzanne who wanted the Marquis to help her renounce her vows — by Joe D’Amato. While the original novel is a scathing takedown of a repressive church, we all know exactly why Joe is making a movie in a convent.

Susanna (Eva Grimaldi, Obsession: A Taste for Fear, Demons 5: The Devil’s Veil) has been taken to that holy place because her father was overcome by lust and assaulted her. It seems that no one can be around her long without being overcome with the need to touch Susanna and that includes the priest that she falls for. However, Sister Teresa (Karin Well, Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror) is envious of the attention that she receives from Mother Superior (Aldina Martano, who was also in The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine) so she accuses her of possession.

The only nurse that cares is Sister Ursula, who is played by Luciana “Jessica Moore” Ottaviani, who would be in the Eleven Days, Eleven Nights films.

This is trash, but it’s great looking trash, and isn’t that why we seek Joe D’Amato movies out?

*Dario Donati is the name D’Amato used.

**Under his real name Aristide Massaccesi.

“Wealthy but neglected wife Christina is seduced by a close friend of her husband and introduced to new erotic experiences.”

Yes, this IMDB listing really could be any erotic film released after Just Jaeckin’s Emmanuelle.

Also known as Voglia di guardare (The Pleasure of Watching), the real story here is that Christina, played by Jenny Tamburi from The Suspicious Death of a Minor and The Psychic, is being used by her husband (Marino Masé, Contamination) who is setting up this affair because he likes to watch from a distance.

So yeah, it’s Luis Bunuel’s Belle du Jour but D’Amato has lined up Lilli Carati (To Be Twenty) and, of course, Laura Gemser to liven up the story. This is from a time when D’Amato was making period dramas with plenty of eroticism in them. So this looks gorgeous, nearly dreamy, and has the added benefit of a heroine who develops her own agency and understanding of her feminine powers, using them to win out over the men who see her as an object to be watched or taken.

Can you learn something from Joe D’Amato movies (beyond the fact that the Vatican has a secret program to create super soldiers)? I think so.

Dario Donati directed this movie and Convent of Sinners, but come on, you should know by now exactly who he is.

This stars Tini Cansino in the lead and she’s just perfect for Joe, as she worked for years in Italy with a name that’s a direct reference — and she never would be all that forthcoming that she wasn’t really related from what I’ve read — to Rita Hayworth, whose real surname was Cansino. I mean, it’s still right there in her IMDB bio, claiming that her father was Rita Hayworth’s brother, he of the “Dancing Cansinos” fame.

Tini was known for a TV show called Drive-In and that was enough to get her the lead in a D’Amato sex comedy. And here we are, across the oceans of time and literal oceans and I’m trying to divine what this movie is all about. What lessons can we learn? Well, how about hard work, as in addition to his work under another name, D’Amato also edited and shot this under his most well-known false name.

The plot is supposedly about Carol neing an Italian centerfold model — well, Cansion was Greek but she posed for Play Men and that very issue is in this movie, which is as meta as someone bringing up 9 and 1/2 Weeks before D’Amato ripped it off — who now lives in New York City that comes home to take over her family’s old house. I mean, at least D’Amato came up with plots in his non-adult adult films.

If you watch this and say, “Well, that was a very safe teen sex comedy but I’d like to see Tini Cansino in a movie that might upset even the sensibilities of the deranged,” well then I can recommend Angel: Black Angel to you. Get ready.

Based on the book Luxure by Judith Wexley — which probably doesn’t exist — this movie is about how a rich young man named Alessio has lost his voice after his mother dies and he goes to live in the country. Meanwhile, his dad (Al Cliver) gets remarried and still finds the time to sleep with Alessio’s aunt and an art restorer.

As for our protagonist, well, he’s indulging in the fantasy that it’s him instead of his dad.

There are only five actors in this and one location*, the very definition of a low budget. That said, Lilli Carati (The Pleasure, To Be Twenty) acquaints herself well. Neither of the other two actresses, Noemie Chelkoff and Ursula Foti, ever did anything else.

Also known as Lust, this is one of the few Italian movies I’ve seen where restoring art doesn’t lead to demons killing everyone in their way.

*It’s a great location, the Villa Parisi in Frascati where Hatchet for the Honeymoon, Blood for Dracula, Homo Eroticus, Patrick Still Lives, The Murder Clinic and many other movies were filmed.