The Cheerleader Escort (2019)

This is closer to what I wanted out of a cheerleader movie from this set. Again, a new girl, a new school, an instant admission to a cheerleading team and then, the new girl can no longer afford to go to college, so she gets into a prostitution ring that’s run by her coach and a bunch of alumni who she trusts until its too late.

I kind of love that this movie is shot in around three locations with a minimal budget to the point that the basketball game looks like the least athletic sporting event you’ve ever seen. Big points for the giallo like scene and killing off one of the cheerleaders by shooting her up with drugs, as well as the main girl deluding herself into thinking that the scummiest man you’ve ever seen could possibly love her and even the other guy more age appropriate to her also has a girlfriend and she still keeps giving him signals like she wants him. Everyone in this movie is either a moron or a horrible person except for the roommate who never ever leaves her room and seemingly only exists to be a sounding board and the only sign of ethnicity in this entire movie.

This movie also has more Canadian accents than an 80’s slasher. 

You can get this as part of Lifetime’s new Cheer! Rally! Kill! 5-Film Collection, which features four other cheerleader movies on DVD.

The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders (2019)

Every cheerleader movie I’ve watched so far has this set-up: trouble young girl with daddy issues moves to a new school, decides to be a cheerleader despite never doing it before yet because she’s a dancer, she’s amazing at it, then someone who should be her new best friend screws her life up and someone either dies or comes real close to it. Resolve and credits.

This is coming from the guy who has watched 542 slashers.

Ava lost her dad, got into trouble — she did Adderall! — and then went to a new school and her mom Denise Richards is convinced that she’s going to go back to being a bad girl. Homecoming queen and cheer captain Katrina doesn’t want any new girl getting in her way and she has an arsenal of evil tricks and initiations to take out our heroine.

Director Peter Sullivan’s IMDB page goes between horror, Lifetime movies and Christmas films, which is pretty much the only movies that make money. This one is decent, but I was really hoping for even more insanity. Then again, the majority of my watching is devoted to giallo and regional films, so I’m pretty desensitized.

It’s part of Lifetime’s new Cheer! Rally! Kill! 5-Film Collection, which features four other movies with cheerleaders in trouble that’s now available on DVD.

Identity Theft of a Cheerleader (2019)

During her senior year of high school, Vicky (Maiara Walsh, Zombieland) had to drop out and over the next decade, she’s worked her way to rock bottom. Now, she wants to make her mother proud by stealing a teenager’s identity and having the best senior year of her life, even if she has to take out anyone who gets in her way.

Writer Barbara Kymlicka was behind plenty of David DeCoteau films. This movie fits right into his made for TV look and it’s directed by Christie Will Wolf.

It’s part of Lifetime’s new Cheer! Rally! Kill! 5-Film Collection, which features four other movies with cheerleaders in trouble that we’ll be watching all this week. It’s now available on DVD. This one doesn’t follow the format of the other movies on this set. It doesn’t have a young dancer in a new school with an old trauma and geeky friends who must make a hero’s journey. But nearly all the other ones totally have those tropes in force.

Leprechaun Returns (2018)

A direct sequel to the original film, this time with Linden Porco in the main role. Even Taylor Spreitler’s (Amityville: The Awakening) character is portrayed as the daughter of Jennifer Anniston’s Tory Redding from the first movie. Even Ozzie Jones (Mark Holton) comes back.

This was directed by Steven Kostanski, who made The VoidManborg and Psycho Goreman, so he understands exactly what this movie needs to be. It was originally made for SyFy but was later released to DVD and blu ray.

When a team of sorority sisters are tasking with building a green-certified house, they end up bringing Lubdan the Leprechaun back to life. And somehow, miracle of miracles, this ends up being one of the best if not the best movie in the entire series of films. It’s got an odd edge to it and isn’t afraid to have some gooft kills.

I’d love to see a sequel. And after a week of watching eight of these movies, that may be the highest praise of all.

 

 

Hackers: The History of Hacking (2001)

When I was a kid, before this whole internet, we all had dial-up modems and called into BBS systems. I remember the first time I went to a meet-up and everyone just had their code names on professionally made name tags. I might have been the youngest kid there, as everyone I had been talking to online ended up being old guys obsessed with making their own computers and getting inside the phone system. They taught me how to call people without paying for it and how to make the phone ring inside my own house and call my family.

So the adventures of these guys will always blow my mind.

John Draper, Steve Wozniak and Kevin Mitnick are the main characters in this, but it hits nearly everyone. The computer that I am typing on right now is the result of the work these guys did. Mitnick’s story is pretty astounding and a lot of it ended up inspiring Ed Piskor’s genius comic Wizzywig.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Princely Toys: The Private Kingdom of Jack Donovan (1976)

The wonderful folks at White Slaves of Chinatown are responsible for so many of the movies that we watched during this week of weird docs and educational films. This one may be the strangest they’ve shared, which is saying so much.

It’s all about the 19th-century automaton collection of Jack Donovan set to strange synth music — created by Yardbirds member Paul Samwell-Smith — for about forty-five minutes. Forty-five hellish minutes of images of murderous dolls, acrobats, music playing figures and smoking monkeys dressing like Napoleon.

You know how every movie that has a cursed videotape always looks like The Ring? No. Not at all. That possessed footage should look exactly like this film. After all, Anton LaVey didn’t just decide that “development and production of artificial human companions” would be part of the “Pentagonal Revisionism: A Five-Point Program” for the Church of Satan by accident.

You can watch this on YouTube.

THE EXCELLENT EIGHTIES: Savage Journey (1983)

This movie made this entire month worth it.

That’s because it unlocks another part of the saga that is my fascination with the utterly strange and mysterious Night Train to Terror, a movie that I have written about more than once.

While this movie is listed on IMDB as a 1983 made for TV movie, the truth is that this movie was originally released six years earlier as Brigham. I love this comment on the movie from Mormon Literature and Creative Arts, which stated that the film came about as David Yeaman wanted to “create a film billed as authentic and sympathetic to the LDS view. Top Hollywood brass was involved, primarily Oscar-winning screenwriter Philip Yordan, and the LDS public grew excited to finally see themselves depicted accurately on screen.”

Oh man. Let’s take a break from this quote just to remind everyone who Phillip Yordan was. In The Phillip Yordan Story, a Hollywood urban legend is just part of his legend. It was claimed that Yordan hired someone else to go through law school for him so that he could get a degree without doing the work.

While Yordan is the listed writer on nearly a hundred movies, including DillingerDetective Story and Broken Lance*, the jury is out on what films he actually wrote. Some believe that many of the movies he wrote were actually a front for blacklisted writers, who still wanted to make films, giving Yordan all the credit and half the paycheck.

In the late 1950s, Yordan finally got caught. He mixed up two scripts, delivering a Fox script to Warner Brothers and vice versa. Seeing as how he was under contract at Fox, Darryl F. Zanuck threatened to get him blackballed at all the major studios. A few years later, his secretary would claim that she was the real writer of The Rise and Fall of Legs Diamond and things got so bad that Columbia demanded that he have an office on their lot where they could watch him write, guaranteeing that he was the author. Despite this new contract, he was still hustling scripts at other studios and was fired and forced to return his paycheck. This time, he really was told you’ll never eat lunch in this town again.

Yordan then showed up in Spain, working for Samuel L. Bronston, using folks like Ray Bradbury, Ben Barzman Arnaud D’Usseau, Julian Halevy and Bernard Gordon, who really wrote The Day of the Triffids, not Yordan.

By the mid 60s, he was back in Hollywood, a survivor of everything from being blackballed to going bakrupt, working as a script doctor on movies like Horror Express — also a horror movie set on a train — and Psychomania.

At the end of his life, he worked as an adjunct screenwriting instructor at San Diego State University and was writing scripts for movies like The UnholyMarilyn Alive and Behind Bars (which is also part of Night Train to Terror), Cataclysm (ditto), Cry Wilderness and this movie.

Back to our friends at Mormon Literature and Creative Arts, who wrote that “Unfortunatley, when released, Brigham proved a critical fiasco. It was criticized for poor acting, incomprehensible chronology, sensationalized violence, incredibly poor casting, lack of dramatic focus, and even for recycling wagon train footage from earlier films like Brigham Young itself. The film was quickly withdrawn, reedited, and re-released early the following, billed as The New Brigham. Similar attempts at repackaging continued as it was apparently again revamped and christened Savage Journey a few years later (perhaps to parallel the 1983 handcart film Perilous Journey). Despite this, Brigham remained a critical flop, and modern Mormons, if they remember it all, do so with humor or derision.”

Yes, this was a movie that Yordan made specifically for the Mormon Chuch and along the way, he brought director Tom McGowan, who — yes, you got it — also directed Cataclysm, and Richard Moll, who would star in that film and Marilyn Behind Bars. Seeing as how both movies are segments in Night Train, it gets really disconcerting watching Moll have hair, not have hair and be played by a double with astoundingly hairy arms.

Other actors who appear in both films include Maurice Grandmaison, who plays Brigham Young himself and Papini, the homeless Catholic priest who attempts to help the heroine Claire Hansen; Stephen Cracroft, Phineas in this one and a first AD on Night Train; Lou Edwards, Brother Becker in Mormon times and a production manager on Night Train; Faith Clift, who was Claire Rudley in this movie and appears as Claire Hansen in Night Train (she was also Yordan’s wife, showing up in his movies Captain ApacheHorror Express and Cry Wilderness); an uncredited Marc Lawrence (yes, the very same man who made Pigs and appears in Night Train as Abraham Weiss) and most importantly, Yordan’s son Byron, who is the song and dance man doomed to die on Satan’s Cannonball, but not before he sings “dance with me, dance with me” more times than you can count.

I’m astounded that this film exists. Actually, I’m so into the fact that Yordan did, a flimflam man who claimed to have never read a newspaper before the age of fifty, yet somehow was a lawyer who became an Oscar-winning writer, a producer and the connection between so many movies that are just plain strange.

So how’s the movie?

Moll, who used the named Charles Moll for this film, sums up Savage Journey best in the movie The Work and the Story, saying “All independent films suck, all Mormon films suck, and, ergo, an independent Mormon film must royally suck.”

*A movie he won an Best Original Story Oscar for, despite it being a remake of 1949’s House of Strangers and the fact that he probably didn’t write a single word of the actual script.

The Excellent Eighties: Callie & Son (1981)

This is the great thing about Mill Creek box sets: we probably would have never reviewed this TV Movie obscurity for the site. Well . . . maybe we would have . . . you know us and those “Big Three” network TV flicks of the ’70s and ’80s.

Before Michelle Pfeiffer outshined them all and took over the later DVD boxes.

The cheapjack DVDs you pick up from those cardboard-boxed impulse buy end caps at your favorite retail outlets (Dollar Tree, Marshalls, and Bealls; even those Walmart barrels ‘o plenty in the electronics section) woefully credit Michelle “Catwoman” Pfeiffer as the “star” of this TV mini-series that originally ran for two nights in October 1981. The cast is a TV Movie support cast-dream, with just about every actor who ever booked a supporting role on a ’70s TV series or movie (Joy Garrett, John Harkins, Macon McCalman, and James Sloyan, in particular) appearing in a wide array of bit parts. The cast is not headed by Michelle, but by ubiquitous TV actors Lindsay “Bionic Woman” Wagner, along with Jameson “Simon & Simon” Parker, and the-easily-moves-between-TV-and-film actors Dabney Coleman (McKittrick from WarGames; in production on his 178th project!) and Andrew Prine, who shows us just how great of an actor he really is — and if you’ve spent any amount of time at B&S About Movies, you know Prine’s done his share of Drive-In junk, yet always shines in his role. (If you’re new here and not familiar with Prine’s work The Town that Dreaded SundownSimon King of the Witches, and Hannah, Queen of the Witches will get you started down your own Prine-rabbit hole.)

Sadly, Prine isn’t here much, only acting as the story-narrating Kimbel Smyth, as the story of Callie Lord (Wagner) unfolds: She’s a 1940’s unwed mother forced to give up her son for black market adoption. Moving from her small Texas town to the big city of Dallas for a new start (to study to become a courtroom stenographer), she comes to meet newspaper editor-in-chief Randall Bordeaux (Coleman) while working as a waitress. They marry. And understanding her pain, he tracks down her once-a-rebel-always-a-rebel son, Randy (Parker). Now a powerful newspaper editor after her husband’s passing, Callie looses it all when her son is up on murder charges over his gold digging, ne’er-do-well wife (a rather pudgy Pfeiffer; not at all the svelte Cat Woman we know).

If you’re a fan of those prime soap operas of the ’80s, with their ongoing tales of secrets, lies, and betrayals committed by the underprivileged behaving very badly, there’s something here for you to spend your two-plus hours on. Just don’t be duped into thinking Michelle Pfeiffer is running the show, but Lindsay Wagner fans will enjoy it. And while Wagner’s southern accent leaves a bit to be desired, Prine thrives in southern-slang roles; even in voice over, he’s excellent.

Director Waris Hussein, whose TV career began in Britain with a dozen episodes of Doctor Who in the mid-’60s and moved into the theatrical realms with the very early Gene Wilder film Quackser Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx (1970), serviceably moves the camera about the solid set design that transitions from the 1940s to the late 1970s. We could easily do a week of just Waris Hussein TV movies, but we’ll call out the two we remember best: The Henderson Monster, a 1980 Frankenstein-esque horrror starring Stephen “7th Heaven” Colllins, and the really good John Savage-starring Coming Out of the Ice, a 1982 Cold War bio-drama. Teleplay scribe Thomas Thompson is an old TV western scribe whose career goes back to the days of The Rifleman, Rawhide, Wagon Train, The Virginian, Bonanza, and High Chaparral, but . . . he penned one of the great TV movies, well two: The Death of Richie (1977) and — the one that we really need to re-watch (and review!) after all these years — the two-night mini-series rating winner, A Death in Canaan (1978), which stars the sorely-missed-from-acting Paul Clemens (The Beast Within).

You can, of course, pick this up as one of the 50 movies offered on Mill Creek’s Excellent Eighties box set. There’s also a freebie upload on You Tube.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

THE EXCELLENT EIGHTIES: Portrait of a Showgirl (1982)

I’ve watched plenty of Steven Hilliard Stern movies, like The Park Is MineThe Ghost of Flight 401Miracle On IceMazes and MonstersStill the BeaverNot Quite Human (written by Alan Ormsby!), I Wonder Who’s Killing Her Now? and Murder In Space, but he’s probably best known for his redneck opus, Rolling Vengeance. It’s probably the best — and only — movie where a man reacts to the death of his wife and children by making a monster truck and killing everyone responsible.

This is Showgirls with the sleaze dialed down for TV consumption. But hey — it’s got Rita Moreno as Rosella DeLeon, an old dancer trying for one more run and in love with Joey DeLeon (Tony Curtis). Then there’s Jillian Brooks (Lesley Anne Warren), the New York dancer. And newcomer Marci (Dianne Kay, Eight Is Enough) as the innocent girl new to Vegas.

It’s not going to change your life, but it’s definitely a great Sunday afternoon watch. Does anyone still do that? Well, I do.

You can watch this on YouTube.

THE EXCELLENT EIGHTIES: Act of Love (1980)

In between playing one of America’s most beloved teenagers and directing its favorite movies, Ron Howard took several against type roles. This is one such example, as he plays Leon Cybulkowski, who puts his brother Joseph (Mickey Rourke!) out of his misery as he asks to be killed instead of living out his life as a quadriplegic.

Director Jud Taylor started his career as an actor before becoming an in-demand director of TV movies. Some of his best-remembered films include Revenge!The Disappearance of Flight 412, Search for the Gods (which has Kurt Russell and Stephen McHattie seeking ancient astronauts), Out of the Darkness and The Great Escape II: The Untold Story (he was an actor in the original).

Based on the book Act of Love: The Killing of George Zygmanik by Judith Paige Mitchell, this NBC TV movie originally aired on September 24, 1980. It’s an emotional watch and Howard is pretty decent in it. It also has Robert Foxworth (the voice of Ratchet in the Transformers movies), Jacqueline Brookes (The Good Son), David Spielberg (Christine), Mary Kay Place (Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman), Chris Mulkey (Hank Jennings from Twin Peaks; The Killing of Randy Webster), Pat Gorley (Kiss My Grits) and David Faustino in his first acting role.

You can watch this on YouTube.