April 17: Bat Appreciation Day –Watch a movie with a fake bat in it.

The work of Dr. Paul Carruthers (Bela Lugosi) has earned his company millions and all they give him is $5,000. But didn’t he take a buyout early instead of being a partner? Isn’t that the way corporations work?

So why wouldn’t he grow giant bats and have them kill anyone who wears a new aftershave he’s created? He’s destroying the CEO class, the elite, well, really everyone. He’s got Devil Bats — big, bad rubber bats that scream right at the camera — he leads the first horror film from the poverty row Producers Releasing Corporation studio, a movie that played along with Man Made Monster.

Carrruthers destroys everyone that owned the company other than Mary Heath (Suzanne Kaaren), the daughter, who is saved by Chicago Register reporter Johnny Layton (Dave O’Brien) and the aftershave lotion gets dumped all over Carruthers, his bats attacking their master, following the way that he killed those who held him in chains.

Or maybe not, as he speaks from the shadows in the non-horror sequel, Devil Bat’s Daughter. There was also a 2015 movie, Revenge of the Devil Bat, with Lynn Lowrey in the cast. Another PRC movie, The Flying Serpent, is almost the same movie.

Director Jean Yarbrough’s career went all the way into the days of television. He also directed one of my favorite movies, Hillbillys In a Haunted House, as well as Footsteps In the Night, She-Wolf of London and The Creeper. Based on a story by John T. Neville, the script came from George Bricker, who also wrote an early wrestling movie, Bodyhold.

More movies should have fake bats in them. I recommend A Lizard In a Woman’s Skin, as man, that bat attack was so good it ended up on the U.S. poster.

You can watch this on Tubi.

April 16: Filmirage — Give in to the sleaze and write about a Joe D’Amato produced movie. There’s a list here.

This is the last Filmirage movie on my list. Now, I’ve seen all of them and part of me is sad yet part of me feels good that I did it.

What if Filmirage made Henry & June? THEY DID. Well, a rip-off, at least.

I love that this was their chance to do a high-end period picture! Black Emanuelle — Laura Gemser — made the costumes! Peter from Stage Fright is Henry Miller! Martine Brochard from Eyeball is Anais! Her husband Franco Molé (who was in Notturno con grida) directed it! A Gabrielle Tinti cameo! Shot by Giancarlo Ferrando who did Troll 2, Devil Fish and Torso!

Slow down, Sam.

Anais Nin (Martine Brochard, whose career is in non-classy movies made for me like The Nun and the Devil, Murder Obsession and Savage Three) comes into the lives of Henry Miller (David Brandon, Caligula… The Untold Story, Eleven Days, Eleven Nights and many more Joe D’Amato films) and his wife June (Linda Carol, Reform School Girls) and no one will be the same.

This is the only movie that Gianni Silano ever scored and wow, it sounds like the old organ store at the mall. Maybe that makes you remember the past, but it sure is weird music for what is supposed to be a sophisticated sex movie.

April 16: Filmirage — Give in to the sleaze and write about a Joe D’Amato produced movie. There’s a list here.

Also known as Instinct, this has a box that promises an erotic thriller.

Seeing as how it starts with a naked woman being killed by a radio in the bathtub, I can see why.

In 1994, Joe D’Amato would direct the Rocco Siffredi-starring adult Marco Polo, China and Sex as Robert Yip, The House of Pleasure, Chinese Kamasutra as Chang Lee Sun, Il labirinto dei sensi, Marquis de Sade (yes, Rocco), Fantasmi al castello and Sexy caccia al tesoro and Ladri gentiluomini – Donne, gioielli… e culi belli with The Return of the Exorcist director Luca Damiano. He also shot several of those as Fred Slonisko, as well as the adult Erotic Dream of Aladdin X and producing the Siffredi-directed Panna montata.

Joe D’Amato was a busy guy.

He also made this movie that year, working with Claudio Bernabei and Daniele Stroppa. Well, James Burke was the name he used, but we all know how much he loved his many names.

One of the last Filmirage movies, this is about Frances (Gala Orlova, Legittima Vendetta), a woman seeking her lost sister who is, you knew it, the naked girl killed in the bathtub. She gets mixed up with the same guy her sister was involved with, the gigolo Sonny Everett (Theo Losito), after she buys the same house her sister lived in by real estate agent Maurice Poli, who was also in Frankenstein 2000 and Black Cobra.

The cast also includes Walter Toschi (the pilot from Concorde Affaire ’79) as a cop named Perkins, Susanna Bugatti (P.O. Box Tinto Brass), Maurizio Panici (Dark Bar), Elisabeth Rossler, Emy Valentino, Jean Hebert, Vira Silenti and Marlene Weber.

Shot in Austria, this had Joe’s son Daniele Massaccesi behind the camera. It looks nice, probably better than it deserves, and the soundtrack is actually pretty good. It also has stunts by Ottaviano Dell’Acqua!

After this, Joe wouldn’t really look back, making lots of porn. A lot of people complain online — of the 2-3 people who have reviewed this — that this movie is all sex. What did you expect? You do know the assignment Joe had, right? What movies are you people watching to be shocked by that?

Also: I love Joe so much that I spent $12 to get this and do not feel bad at all. I have skipped meals to save money and gone thirsty so I didn’t spend too much on drinks when I was out of the house, knowing I had refreshments at home. Yet, here I am, just plopping down money to get a movie that I know won’t be great, but I need to watch every Filmirage movie, no matter the quality. My life is a success.

 April 16: Filmirage — Give in to the sleaze and write about a Joe D’Amato produced movie. There’s a list here.

We as film nerds often get very high and mighty when it comes to our favorites.

Then again, as we all know, Joe D’Amato was making movies to make money.

Of course he made a breakdancing film.

His came six years after Breakin’, however.

Directed by Gerry Lively (the cinematographer of Friday, Angel 3, Children of the Corn 3, Hellraiser: Bloodline, Return of the Living Dead 3, Necronomicon, Motorhead’s video for “Hellraiser,” Hellraiser III, Waxwork and the director of two direct-to-video Dungeons and Dragons movies) and written by the always working 90s Italian screenwriter Daniele Stroppa — and produced by Joe D’Amato with costumes by Laura Gemser — Hot steps – passi caldi has two dancing squads squaring off in the Hot Steps contest at the Neptune disco.

Set in Florida but shot in New Orleans, this movie asks you to “Feel the Heat!” Rico (Kirk Rivera, also in Salsa and Cop Rock) leads one crew while Kevin (also in Salsa, as well as a movie called Sketch Artist II: Hands That See) is in charge of the other. There’s also Nancy (Lindsley Allen, a Goddess dancer in Showgirls, as well as someone in The Time’s “Jerk Out” video), Kevin’s little sister who nearly died and has come back to dance, baby.

Kevin coaches his team by saying things like “We have to be awesome if we want to win!” and he’s rich and we can assume his co-opting culture. He better watch his sister, because if she and Rico are making moves like that on the dance floor, you can only imagine what they’re doing when they get behind closed doors. Cha-cha-cha…

How does Kevin get back at his enemy? By sleeping with one of his dance team, Mayra (Dianne Granger).

Will true love win? Will Nancy’s legs stop working again? Is that Terri from Boardinghouse, Elizabeth Hall? Did they decide to have composer Tiromancino write more than two songs? Yes, no, yes and it sure doesn’t seem that way.

You can watch this on YouTube.

April 16: Filmirage — Give in to the sleaze and write about a Joe D’Amato produced movie. There’s a list here.

Directed and written by Mino Guerrini (The Third Eye), this is the story of Stefano (Alessandro Freyberger, The Wild Beasts), a mechanic who dreams of being a boxer. It’s also a love story, as he falls for Giulia (Claudia Vegliante).

This is totally Lemon Popsicle in Italy and I love it, because it’s filmed by Aristide Massaccesi and has Michele Soavi as an assistant director. As if that’s not enough, Bob — Giovanni Frezza  — is in the cast.

I have no idea of anyone other than me that would care even the least bit about this movie, but such is my love for Filmirage. This obviously never came to America, where its translated title may have been When the Sun Shines…Let’s Go to the Beach but probably would have been given an insane name like Beyond the Sun or The Punch of Love.

You can watch this on YouTube.

April 16: Filmirage — Give in to the sleaze and write about a Joe D’Amato produced movie. There’s a list here.

Panasonic (Kiro Wehara, Thong from The Blade Master) has been sent by his master, General Electric, on a mission to protect the last place left on Earth that can create life, the Interzone. He soon meets Swan (Bruce Abbott, Re-Animator), the Max Rockatansky of this rip-off, and a slave girl named Tera (Beatrice Ring, Zombi 3). But this wouldn’t be an end of the world pastarmageddon movie without bad guys, who are led by Mantis (Teagan Clive, another obsession of mine, the bodybuilding blonde star who was also in Vice Academy Part 2, Alienator, Sinbad, Mob Boss, Obsession: A Taste for Fear, Jumpin’ Jack Flash and Armed and Dangerous. She also wrote the “Power Café” articles in Iron Man magazine, as well as episodes of Acapulco H.E.A.T. and Conan the Adventurer, plus she’s in the video for “California Girls” by David Lee Roth) and Balzaka (John Armstead, Error Fatale).

Is there a treasure to be found? Will it explain to Panasonic the truth of his name? You know it.

This was directed by Deran Sarafian, who also made The Falling, To Die For, Death Warrant, Gunmen and Terminal Velocity. A year after this, he’d be in Zombi 3. It was written by James L. Anderson and Clyde Anderson, so you may think this is an American movie. But then, there it was, produced by David Hills, who is Joe D’Amato, who is Aristide Massaccesi. And who is Clyde Anderson? Claudio Fragasso and Rossella Drudi. And is that Laura Gemser as Panasonic’s sister-in-law?

Shot outside of Rome, I learned from Matty at The Shlock Pit that Sarafian and Ring were engaged, which explains them being in Zombi 3.

This is not the best Road Warrior movie you’ll see, but you know, Teagen Clive’s interpretative dancing is all I need. I’m so easy.

April 15: TV to Movies — Let’s decry the lack of originality in Hollywood. But first, let’s write about a movie that started as a TV show.

It’s hard to explain to people today how big a show The Fall Guy was. Everyone had that Heather Thomas poster up in their house; my grandfather had one way into the 1990s. This movie doesn’t require you to know anything about the show.

Directed by David Leitch (John Wick) and written by Drew Pearce (Hotel Artemis), this starts with stuntman Colt Seavers (Ryan Gosling) breaking his back on a stunt as he doubles for Tom Ryder (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). More than the pain, the idea that he isn’t indestructible ruins his ego and he ghosts on life, leaving behind his girlfriend Jody Moreno (Emily Blunt).

18 months later, Colt is called to the set of Metalstorm, Jody’s first movie, which is really her working out her feelings about him. He’s been hired by producer Gail Meyer (Hannah Waddingham), but he thinks Jody wants him back. In no way is that true. Yet there’s a more significant problem: Tom Ryder is gone and without him, there’s no movie. Colt doubles for him while trying to find the missing actor, who shows up dead in a bathtub, yet his body disappears before the police get there.

Working with personal assistant Alma Milan (Stephanie Hsu) and stunt coordinator Dan Tucker (Winston Duke), he learns that Tom has killed his stunt double in a brawl gone wrong. Before he can show the police the evidence, the phone is destroyed and Colt is taken by henchmen. Soon, it’s revealed — man, spoilers, right? — that Tom also broke Colt’s back, upset that he felt that his double was stealing the spotlight. He plans on setting Colt up for murdering his double, but of course, everything works out, love wins out and Metalstorm gets made with Jason Momoa.

And hey — there’s Lee Majors and Heather Thomas at the end.

This movie is a love letter to stunts—there’s a world record car roll in it—and action movies. Yep, Metalstorm comes from Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn and its tagline, “It’s High Noon at the End of the Universe,” is from Oblivion 2. I also love that the hero in that movie is named Space Cowboy, which is very George Peppard from Battle Beyond the Stars.

Plus, it has Endeavor 42, the actual boat from Miami Vice, exclamation-pointed with the show’s theme song, Seavers wearing a crew jacket, and sound effects from  The Six Million Dollar Man.

I loved this. It’s a big dumb action movie, complete with Hal Needham credits at the end!

April 14: Viva Italian Horror—Pick an Italian horror movie and enjoy the pasta sauce and gore.

Dario Argento did Opera and now, Phantom of the Opera, starring Julian Sands as the Phantom, perhaps the best-looking person to play the role. John Malkovich was the original actor for the part, but Sands ended up being in this, and unlike every other movie adaption, he wears no mask.

This is in the period of films where Argento is perhaps thought to have lost it. It’s in-between The Stendhal Syndrome and Sleepless and sadly, starts to look more like a made-for-TV movie (not always a bad thing) instead of the visually rich films that we expect from the director. Then again, it does have a score by Ennio Morricone and the acting isn’t bad. And if you like rats…

The Phantom (Sands) in this one is a telepathic man raised by said vermin, his baby basket plucked from a river and brought to the basement of the Paris Opera where he eventually finds Christine Daaé (Asia Argento), whom he seeks to gain the part of Juliet in a play. She’s also in love with Baron Raoul De Chagny (Andrea Di Stefano), yet she first succumbs to the lovemaking of the man with rat parents. Before you know it, he’s bringing chandeliers down on people and doing all he can for her, even if she winds up choosing the Baron; being flighty, she goes back to the Phantom by the end, but the police end up taking care of that, beating and stabbing him after he shrugs off a gunshot to the stomach by the Baron.

There are some cool dream sequences in this, no small amount of gore, and a sadly muted color pallette that doesn’t seem to even hunt at the rainbow excesses of the past. But you know, directors need to work, and Argento kept trying throughout the 90s, and fans of his- hey, that’s me- kept on hoping for more. I have this in a 4-pack, and that’s how it is available in the U.S., which is kind of sad, but I don’t think anyone is begging for a 4K of this or Dracula 3D. Actually, I am. Throw in Do You Like Hitchcock? and The Card Player, too.

Cinematographer Ronnie Taylor also worked on Opera, Argento’s other Phantom-inspired movie, and Popcorn, which has similar themes. He was also a cameraman on Phantom of the Paradise, so he really got a lot of work out of this story.

Also: I only have Pelts and The Five Days left of his movies to watch.

April 13: (Evil) Plant Appreciation Day — It ain’t easy being green. Pay tribute to all the plants with a movie starring one of them.

Directed, written, and starring Jason Liquori, Lumber vs. Jack is the story of Jack Woods, who finds himself saving his wife Jill (Debbie Rochon) from genetically modified trees. Now he and Brad (Brewier Welch) must go deep into the forest, rescue Michelle and Jody (Michelle Prenez and Jennifer Wenger) and join entymologist Sheila (Christina Daoust) to take out all of the vines and trees and whatever else has grown into something that wants to kill humans.

The main problem is that the sound quality is all over the place. But you know, it’s an evil plants movie. Liquori came up with the idea the first year that he lived in the mountains of North Carolina. The leaves just kept coming back, and it felt so strange to him. Then he made this.

There’s also a sequel, Jack vs. Pumpkins, with Monique Parent in it. You know I’m looking for it.

You can watch this on Tubi.