The House On Sorority Row (1983)

This film was inspired by the 1955 French film Les Diaboliques and was originally titled  Screamer and Seven Sisters by its writer and director Mark Rosman. It also has the alternate title House of Evil, but none of those are as evocative and interesting as The House On Sorority Road.

Vincent Perronio, who often works with John Waters, was the film’s production designer. It was shot in Pikesville, Maryland and used the University of Maryland for its establishing shots. The crew used a house that was being foreclosed on for shooting and discovered two squatters living there, who were hired to be video assistants on the film.

The movie opens with a flashback sequence that was requested by its distributor, Film Ventures. It was shot in black and white, then tinted blue. We see a baby being delivered via c-section, but the mother is told that the child died.

Fast forward to today, as seven sorority sisters are drinking up at their own small graduation party. Katey (Kathryn McNeil, Monkey Shines), Vicki (Eileen Davidson, who went from acting on soap operas to appearing in the real-life soap opera The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills), Liz, Jeanie (Pittsburgh’s own Robin Meloy Goldsby, who is now a piano player in Germany), Diane (Harley Jane Kozak, Parenthood) Morgan  and Stevie want to spend a few more weeks in their sorority house before heading out into the real world, but their house mother Mrs. Slater isn’t having any of their shenanigans.

Seriously, Mrs. Slater is a real pip. For example, when Vicki is batter dipping the corn dog on a water bed with her boyfriend, Slater bursts in and stabs the bed with her walking cane. So that leads to the girls playing a prank — making the old woman jump into the swimming pool to get her cane at gunpoint. There’s a stumble, the gun goes off and the old woman dies. The seven sisters all decide to hide her body in the pool until after their big blowout.

Of course, that’s when the killer shows up, who is Slater’s deformed son Eric. Turns out that doctor from the beginning had given her an illegal fertility drug that led to him turning out like this. So the doctor drugs Katey — our final girl — and tries to kill Eric to cover up his crimes, but Eric easily dispatches him. This leads to a showdown between a clown-costumed maniac — who has even decapitated one of the other girls and left her head in the toilet — and Katey which ends inconclusively.

Film Ventures also asked for the ending, where Katherine is discovered floating dead in the pool, dead at the hands of Eric. They felt like that the ending was too downbeat, so that’s why we got the ending we did, where Katey stabs Eric but his eyes open right before the final credits.

This is a movie filled with not just plenty of murder, but lots of party scenes too. The Washington, DC-based power pop band 4 Out of 5 Doctors shows up to play five of their songs. If you’ve ever seen The Boogeyman, they’re in that too.

Ronin Flix was selling a limited edition blu ray of this film earlier this year, but it’s currently sold out. It’s definitely worth a watch, as it predates films like I Know What You Did Last Summer where the teenagers are as much victimizers as victims.

You can watch this for free on Popcorn Flix or with Rifftrax commentary on Tubi.

2019 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 8: Roller Blade (1985)

DAY 8. AFTER THE DISASTER: Will we rebuild, adapt or move on?

If there’s one thing this site has been about as of late, it’s been post-apocalyptic films. Just take a look at this Letterboxd list that keeps track of all of them — if a movie has been made about the end of the world, we’ve watched it, written about it and told way too many people about it.

So after watching more than a hundred post-End of All Things movies, where else do we have to go?

1985’s Roller Blade was directed by Donald Jackson, who was no stranger to end of the world movies. You’d probably know him best for the movie where Roddy Piper plays a male stud who knocks up fertile women and battles amphibians, Hell Comes to Frogtown.

He was also no stranger to post-nuke films that feature people on skates, for some reason. This very narrow genre of films is actually much wider than you think it is, thanks to movies like Solarbabies, Prayer of the Rollerboys and the many, many films that Jackson created, such as Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force, The Roller Blade Seven, The Legend of the Rollerblade Seven and Return of the Roller Blade Seven. He was also responsible for the 1996’s Rollergator, in which a purple jive-talking alligator escapes from Joe Estevez’s carnival and does battle with a skateboarding ninja.

Look — it’s 4 AM and I’m not certain that any of this is real. I’m just going to write what I know and hope that this record proves that I was here, alive on Planet Earth and trying to contribute something worthwhile before I become dust.

In the City of Lost Angels, Sister Speed leads a holy order of rollerskating nuns called the Bod Sisters that try to protect humanity from the fascist regime that seems to be holding sway over things. All of the nuns wear strange cult-like robes with iron crosses on them when they’re not nude and Sister Speed rolls around in a wheelchair, yet she still has her skates on, just in case her legs decide to start working again.

Perhaps the most telling thing I can say about this movie is that everyone is on old four-wheeled skates and not inline Rollerblades, so it’s basically lying to you with every single moment of screen time.

Then again, this is also a movie where switchblades are used to heal people.

The sisters also have this magic crystal that the bad guys want and they’ve possessed a young girl to infiltrate the skating nuns. Those bad guys are led by Dr. Santicoy, who has a leather dom mask and a hand puppet made from a silver-painted baby doll that he talks to. Also, for some reason, one of the head nuns is a dog named the Holy Hound Gideon. Yes, they put a dog in a colorful nun outfit that kind of makes that canine look like it joined some weird Satanic cult.

Nearly every single person in this movie has been dubbed, which makes it seem like you’re watching an episode of Power Rangers, but it’s an episode where everyone has naked rollerskate fights and has sapphic interludes in a hot tub.

There’s also a group of skating law enforcement officers led by Marshall Goodman, whose son Little Chris (played by Fred Olen Ray’s young son) runs away without his skates. Yes, he disobeyed the biggest rule in this wasteland. He took his skates off.

Unlike nearly every great end of the world movie, no effort has been made to explain how the world got this way. Who has time when there’s so much skating to do?

It also shouldn’t surprise you that a majority of the Bod Sisters — like Shaun Michelle, Melanie Scott, Crystal Breeze and Michelle Bauer (who was also in Dr. Alien and Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama — are well-known adult actresses. The quality of a mid-1980’s VCA adult effort is completely apparent here, but just when you expect the performers to start getting down, they start skate fighting instead.

I’m not sure who this movie was made for, why it existed or how it found it’s way into my Plex stream at 4:49 AM, but it’s moments like these that make me realize that God doesn’t play dice and that there’s some kind of grand plan. Because otherwise, watching a cinema opus like Roller Blade would find me screaming into the void.

Night of the Creeps (1986)

“The good news is your dates are here. The bad news is they’re dead.”

Has any movie so perfectly been a synthesis of the gore aesthetic of the 1980’s and the science fiction angst of the 1950’s? I doubt it — Night of the Creeps takes on those genres and adds zombies to the mix, making for a crowd-pleasing bit of popcorn filmmaking.

Between writing the story for House and bringing The Monster Squad to the screen, Fred Dekker’s name generally signifies that you’re about to watch something pretty darn interesting. This was his directing debut, working from a script that took him only a week to write.

Back in 1959, a fight on board a UFO leads to a mysterious canister being shot out into space, crash landing on Earth. It looks like a falling star to a couple on lover’s lane. As they try to see where the star has landed, the girl is killed by an axe-wielding mental patient and a small slug jumps into the boy’s mouth.

Decades later, Chris Romero (Jason Lively, Rusty Griswold from National Lampoon’s European Vacation) is trying to get over being dumped. His friend J.C.  is trying to help him out. Luckily — or perhaps not — our hero falls for Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow, Twice Dead). 

To try and win her heart, he decides to pledge a fraternity. Unfortunately, he decides to pick the Beta Epsilon house — the very one that Cynthia’s boyfriend is in charge of. He charges Chris and J.C. with stealing a corpse from the morgue as part of their initiation.

That’s when the plot kicks in. That corpse is still alive and they run from it after setting it free. That dead body — now very much alive — is the boy who ate the slug in the opening

now detective Ray Cameron (Tom Atkins, making this movie his own) is on the case.

The reanimated dead kid heads back to the sorority house where its head explodes, releasing more of the slugs. Soon, they’ve started to take over more bodies who then start killing everything in their path. Meanwhile, Cameron reveals his stake in all this — the girl killed in the beginning was the woman he never fell out of love with. He’d hunted down and killed her murderer way back in the late 50’s and buried the body near the sorority house. Now that axe killer is back among the living thanks to the alien slugs.

Things move even faster now, as the slugs infect a dog that causes a bus crash filled with frat boys that transform into zombies that come after our heroes. Can the suicidal and bitter Cameron, Chris and Cynthia survive?

I’ve always been struck by the relationship between J.C. and Chris in this film. It’s really obvious that J.C. is in love with his best friend and he pretty much says so in the message he leaves for him after the bugs infect him. It’s not presented as humorous, but as very much matter of fact.

There’s also an alternate ending that showed Cameron transformed into a zombie, causing more slugs to worm their way into more graves before the spaceship from the beginning of the film returns. That ending is somehow even darker than the one that made it into the released film.

Back when I was a teenager, this movie ran on Cinemax at 5 AM nearly every night. I remember that it would still be one when my dad and I ate breakfast together. It’s packed with so much head exploding gore that I was worried that I might not be able to keep my toast and cereal down.

Also — if you didn’t notice from the character names, Dekker named every character after famous horror directors — George A. Romero (Chris Romero), John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper (J.C.’s full name is James Carpenter Hooper), John Landis (Detective Landis), Sam Raimi (Sgt. Raimi), David Cronenberg (Cynthia Cronenberg), James Cameron (Detective Ray Cameron) and Steve Miner (Mr. Miner is the janitor’s name) And the college setting is named for Roger Corman.

This movie remains Tom Atkins’ favorite role. It’s obvious he’s loving every moment, stopping to smell the flowers and dreaming that he’s on a beach when he’s not saying. “Thrill me” and “It’s Miller Time” while shotgun blasting zombies to oblivion.

I pretty much consider this movie required viewing. It’s a roller coaster ride that must be experienced.

You can watch this on Shudder or grab it from Shout! Factory. Sadly, you can no longer get the deluxe version that came with a Tom Atkins action figure. I still can’t believe that they made that!

BONUS: You can listen to us discuss this movie, Night of the CometNight of the Living Dead and Flesheater in the video below.

2019 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 7 Option 2: Daikaiju Mono (2016)

DAY 7. DAIKAIJU: The bigger the better. Who needs a city anyway?

We already did War of the Gargantuas today, but you can never get enough giant monster movies, much less one that is endlessly self-referential!

Japan is in a mess to say the least. The weather is all screwed up, volcanoes have stopped erupting, there are too many virgins and that can only mean one thing — a giant monster named Mono is on the loose.

Disgraced scientist and Sailor Moon cosplayer Doctor Totaro Saigo has a special formula that can transform anyone — even the lowly assistant Nitta — to become a gigantic super soldier ready to take on even the largest of kaiju.

Syuusuke Saito plays Nitta before the transformation. He’s Kyoryu Black from Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger, if you watch Japanese sentai shows (think Power Rangers). Once he transforms, he becomes Kota Ibushi, current New Japan Pro Wrestling star who started his career in the DDT promotion, or Dramatic Dream Team. If you like just plain strange things to happen in your pro wrestling, I’d advise you to check them out. For example, Ibushi once had a series of matches with Yoshihiko, an inflatable doll.

The movie begins as the SpiritSpots.com team visits Specter Pass, where eyewitnesses have reported strange lights. After urinating on a special idol, Professor Nindo Izumi appears to warn them of the danger that this area of Japan presents. They don’t listen and are all killed one by one, just like a slasher movie.

The next day, Nitta and Professor Saigo’s daughter Miwa discover the Juganda, a prehistoric flower that’s based on the Juran from Ultra Q and an egg that contains the key to Setupp X Cells, which Saigo believes are the key to jump-starting the next stage of human evolution.

Meanwhile, at Mount Myojin, the kaiju Mono emerges before a crowd of soldiers and monster rights protestors, who it promptly devours. That’s when Saigo uses Nitta’s love for his daughter to convince him to take the Steupp X Cells and put on a pair of magical briefs that change size as he grows. After nearly three minutes of pro wrestling mayhem, Mono retreats and Nitta retains his sexy new body.

Nitta becomes a big celebrity called “The Great Giant” and is chased by a mysterious girl named Lisa who only wants his magical size-changing underwear. Miwa grows depressed and Mono grows stronger thanks to a second egg and her newfound poison fog power. Luckily, Saigo has even better Setupp X Cells and Izumi has trained Nitta to even be able to stop the flow of waterfalls.

However, even Lisa coming back to the good side and Miwa getting back Nitta’s special briefs isn’t enough. Saigo must inject Nitta with evil cells that transform him into Japanese legend Minoru Suzuki, the most intimidating pro wrestler perhaps ever. He basically annihilates the monster, who it turns out is really an old woman.

Ibushi isn’t alone in having matches with strange opponents. Suzuki has had a several years-long feud with Mecha Mummy. One of their matches involved an extended sequence where they became friends and went fishing before hatred overcame their truce. The strange thing is, Suzuki was the co-founder of Pancrase, one of the first MMA groups in the world. Despite most of their matches not always being 100% real, he has the reputation of being one of the best fighters in all of Japan. He was also the motion actor for King in the video game Tekken.

Your sense of humor may vary, as this is very much in the vein of the Airplane movies, but all about Japanese monster movies, to the point that even scenes from Frankenstein Conquers the World get referenced. It also helps to know a little about Japanese pro wrestling, as Professor Saigo is so out of touch he only knows Giant Baba’s moves, which aren’t as dangerous as the modern powerbombs and top rope — err, top of the building — Phoenix Splashes that Nitta uses on Mono.

My subtitles and the English track on this film were absolutely different, which was kind of great, as they each added their own unique commentary to this completely out there movie. There’s even a scene that shows that training to battle a giant monster is just like getting ready for a boxing match like Rocky! Even the original Ultraman star Sandayu Dokumamushi shows up at the end to save the day!

There’s actually precedent for this movie, believe it or not. In 2004, The Calamari Wrestler featured Osamu Nishimura as a pro wrestler who becomes a giant squid and does battle with wrestlers Akira Nogami.

You can buy this from Sentai Filmworks.

The Prey (1980)

For some reason, old Hollywood actors often show up in slashers. Jackie Coogan, whose career stretched from silent films to playing Uncle Fester on The Addams Family to, well, The Prey appears in this, his last film. Coogan also was the reason for the California Child Actors Bill, the first known legal protection for the earnings of child performers, which is better known as the Coogan Act.

The Prey didn’t play theaters until nearly four years after it was made. It was created by the husband and wife team of Edwin and Summer Brown, who had previously worked on the video nasty Human Experiments. This was their first non-adult movie.

Back in the late 1940’s, a fire raged through the Rocky Mountains and wiped out a family of gypsies that all lived in a cave. Of course, one of them survived.

It all starts with two old people getting killed as they cook around a campfire. Then, the film alternates between an increasingly intense pace and long stretches of nature footage that was supposed to prove the difference between killer and his prey, but also padded the film so it had a decent run time.

Let’s meet our teen couples. There’s Nancy and Joel, played by Debbie Thureson and Steve Bond, who we all know better as Travis Abilene from Picasso Trigger. Here’s Bobbie and Skip, played by Lori Lethin from Bloody Birthday and Robert Waid from Summer Camp. Finally, we have Greg and Gail, who are played by Philip Wenckus in his lone acting role and Gayle Gannes from Human Experiments.

They’re helped on their camping trip by hunky ranger Mark O’Brien (Jackson Bostick, Shazam! himself!) and crusty older ranger Lester Tole (Coogan). Gail’s convinced before too long that someone is watching them and before you can say Jason Vorhees, she’s dead and so is Greg.

That burned up gypsy boy goes after everyone with a real vengeance, including a scene where he leaves Gail and Greg’s bodies for the vultures, a moment that’s poignantly intercut with the group’s first meeting.

I love the ending of this film, where it feels like Ranger Mark has taken out the clawed and disfigured killing machine, only to have his neck snapped as if it were nothing. Then, the killer slowly approaches Nancy and caresses her hair.

After some nature footage — get ready for so much nature footage — we move several months into the future, where we see the cave where the killer’s family died in the fire and hear the cries of a baby. Now that’s dark.

The monster in this is played by Carel Struycken who would go on to play not just Lurch in the modern Addams Family movies, but also the Giant in Twin Peaks.

You can grab the Arrow Video re-issue of this film from Diabolik DVD. It’s packed with all manner of extras, from cast Q and A’s to a tour of the shooting locations. It even has two cuts of the film: the U.S. theatrical cut and the so-called gypsy cut with the extended beginning. You can run a composite cut of the film so you get the ultimate version of the film. Plus, there’s an audience reaction track from this year’s Texas Frightmare so that you can pretend you’re sitting with a rabid crowd!

Seeing as how this was shot around the same time as Friday the 13th, it may have been seen as imitator when originally released, but it totally stands on its own. After all, what movie has a better tagline? “It’s not human and it’s got an axe!”

2019 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 7: War of the Gargantuas (1966)

DAY 7. DAIKAIJU: The bigger the better. Who needs a city anyway?

Today’s theme is close to my heart. As a young kid in the 1970’s, WFMJ-TV 21 in Youngstown, Ohio played monster movies every night at 1 AM (or later, if Tom Snyder was on). They only had so many Godzilla films before they’d run out and have to run a secondary Toho franchise.

Yes, this movie is a franchise, the sequel to 1965’s Frankenstein Conquers the World. Instead of Nick Adams, this time we have Russ Tamblyn as the American star. This is the third and final film that Toho would collaborate with Henry G. Saperstein on (in addition to the Frankenstein, they also made Invasion of Astro-Monster together).

Saperstein was an interesting guy — he specialized in licensing, working with Col. Tom Parker as Elvis Presley’s licensing agent as well as creating and selling merchandise for Debbie Reynolds, Rosemary Clooney, Chubby Checker and the Three Stooges. He’d go on to syndicate golf and bowling shows in the infancy of TV, as well as buying UPA, the studio that made Mr. Magoo. He led them to syndicating the Dick Tracy TV show, another merchandising goldmine. He also purchased the rights to the Japanese spy spoof Kokusai Himitsu Keisatsu: Kagi no Kagi (International Secret Police: Key of Keys), which became What’s Up, Tiger Lily? with help from Woody Allen.

At the end of 1965, Toho informed director Ishiro Honda that his director’s contract would not be renewed, despite successes like the original GodzillaKing Kong vs. Godzilla,  the unstoppable Destroy All Monsters, Rodan, Mothra and many more. Of course, he kept directing for Toho, but now there was the stress of wondering if each job would be his last.

To add to that stress, it’s said that Russ Tamblyn and Honda were often at odds, with the American actor refusing to read his lines. Honda’s chief assistant, Seiji Tani (who would go on to be the second unit director for Destroy All Monsters) would tell the authors of Ishiro Honda: A Life in Film, from Godzilla to Kurosawa: “Honda-san had to hold back and bear so much during that one. Russ Tamblyn was such an asshole.”

I don’t know how much you know of Japanese culture, but for someone to go on record saying such a thing is a major deal. For what it’s worth, Saperstein would later say that Tamblyn was “a royal pain in the ass.” As all of his lines were dubbed in Japanese, the American actor had to go back and redub the US version. He forgot all of the words, so what’s in the film is completely improvised. If only Tab Hunter, the original actor picked for this movie, stuck around.

The film was originally announced as The Frankenstein Brothers, then The Two Frankensteins, Frankenstein vs. Frankenstein, Frankenstein’s Decisive Battle and Frankenstein’s Fight. Regardless of the title, this is one of my favorite Toho films. I’m not the only one. Brad Pitt has gone on record saying it’s the reason why he wanted to become an actor. The battle between Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannah in Kill Bill: Volume 2 was called the “War of the Blonde Gargantuas,” with Tarantino screening the film for Hannah. And both Tim Burton, Nicholas Cage and Guillermo del Toro cite the film as one of their favorites.

Maybe it’s because of the scene where Kipp Hamilton sings “The Words Get Caught In My Throat,” which ends with one of the titular beasts grabbed her as she finishes her act. Has any monster movie been this gleefully crazy? I mean, would Devo cover any other monster movie song?

It all begins on a dark and stormy night, as a fishing boat is attacked by a giant octopus, which is then destroyed by a green giant who proceeds to decimate the boat. Only one survivor makes it, telling the authorities that it was Frankenstein.

The press picks up the story and interviews Dr. Paul Stewart (Tamblyn) and his assistant, Dr. Akemi Togawa (Kumi Mizuno, who starred in plenty of kaiju epics), who once had a baby Frankenstein in their possession.

Yes, in the original film, Frankenstein was born in a very strange way. German officers had taken the heart of the original Frankenstein’s monster from Dr. Riesendorf and sent it to Hiroshima for further experimentation. Of course, once the bomb dropped, the beast was irradiated and became a feral boy running loose through the streets, eating small animals and becoming immune to radiation. He eventually becomes a giant and battles Baragon, who would go onto appear in many Toho films (you can also see his skull in Pacific Rim Uprising).

There end up being two beasts in this one: Sanda, who is the original from the first film and Gaira, a piece of tissue that was torn off, made its way to the sea and fed off plankton until it grew into giant form. The new creature hates humans and is hurt by daylight, while Sanda attempts to save people.

The final battle, as the two monsters fight into Tokyo Bay, is amazing. Their skirmish is so violent, an underwater volcano ends up taking both of them out. Sadly, there would be no third film in the series, despite rumors that one of them would battle Godzilla in an upcoming film.

There are multiple American versions of this film, with the Saperstein cut removing all references to Frankenstein Conquers the World and the creatures called gargantuas instead of Frankensteins.

Haruo Nakajima, who played Godzilla in 11 of the original 15 movies, has claimed Gaira as his favorite role, as the costume was very easy to move in and his eyes were visible, allowing him to show more emotion.

I have a test as to whether or not I can be friends with someone. If they watch a kaiju movie and make fun of how cheap it is or how fake it looks, they have no imagination. In my mind, this movie looks incredible, with huge sets and intricate monster costumes. I’ve watched this hundreds of times and it gets better with every single viewing.

The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982)

Inspired by Friday the 13th, Stephen Carpenter and Stacey Giachino wrote the script for this film while students at UCLA under the title The Third Night, which later became Death Dorm.

We start with a man running from someone, then hiding in the bushes, before he’s attacked from behind and murdered. Yep — get ready to meet one of the more downbeat slashers you’ll find. To quote Jim Morrison, “Nobody gets out alive.”

Laurie Lapinski — in her one and only role — plays Joanne, a college student staying behind over the holidays to clean up Morgan Meadows Hall before its demolished.

Of her friends, only Daphne Zuniga, in her very first role, may be the only actor  you’d recognize. She plays Debbie, whose parents show up only to be murdered with a spiked baseball bat and strangled (not at the same time, mind you). Then, as if that wasn’t enough, the killer drives their car over poor Debbie’s head.

This movie sets up more red herrings than a giallo, with drifters and traveling salesmen fingered as the manic.Along the way, a drill and a pressure cooker get used as the real killer uses the confusion to continually kill more innocent people.

So what was the motive? Love. Well, the kind of love incels have for women that we didn’t understand all the way back in 1982. Of course she should be happy he killed all of these people for her!

I won’t tell you who the killer is, but I will say that you have to like a movie willing to end on the down note of its final girl shoved into an incinerator and leaving behind foul-smelling smoke.  You also have to love a movie that completely apes its title from The House That Dripped Blood.

This movie was released in the UK as Pranks, where it was placed on the category 2 video nasty list. It must have been all the nail-covered baseball bats. UK censors are particularly squeamish about weapons that kids can easily get their hands on.

Synapse has released the Death Dorm director’s cut and all of the censored gore on a great blu ray release. It’s not the best slasher you’ll ever see, but it’s certainly worth a watch.

Fantasies (1982)

Middletown, U.S.A. is the biggest show on TV. Sure, it’s controversial, but the ratings are through the roof. The only problem is that every time a major villain gets any traction, they end up dying for real.

Last year, we interviewed Amanda Reyes from Made for TV Mayhem. She recommended this film and it’s been on our list for awhile. Trying to get in sixty slashers that aren’t all that well-known for October gave us the perfect opportunity to watch it. If you’d like to read Amanda’s take on the movie, check out her site.

Director William Wiard was also behind This House Possessed, a fine example of made for TV horror. Here, he’s working from a script by David Levinson, who also worked on that film.

Suzanne Pleshette plays Carla Webber, who after being left by her husband decided that she’d become an independent woman. After watching daytime soaps, she soon learned that she was pretty good at writing for them, which leads to her running the biggest soap around. Barry Newman from Vanishing Point shows up as her love interest, plus Robert Vaughn is the slimy network president.

While this film doesn’t have much gore, it doesn’t skimp on the murders. It’s close to giallo territory with a humming killer only seen from their own POV, as well as a duplicitous identity and mental disorders at the end.

It’s not perfect, but Pleshette is. It’s fun to see her fully embracing a leading role after so many only knew her as Newhart’s wife. I know that Lifetime exists now to create movies similar to this, but there’s just something missing in a world that no longer has made for TV movies quite like this. Sure, TV is going through a golden age now, but give me the 1970s and 1980s past.

2019 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 6: Necropolis (1987)

DAY 666. THE DEVIL’S WORKSHOP: A mass, ritual or summoning scene celebrating the Dark Prince.

Holy shit, this movie.

The poster art for Necropolis has called out to me many times and I’ve just never found the time. Now, I’m sad that I didn’t get to this sooner. This movie can’t be from our Earth. It’s too odd to be made by human hands. It’s oddly perfect, the kind of movie that I become an evangelist about and beg people to watch it. Then, they never get it like I do and think I’m insane.

Thanks, Scarecrow Challenge.

Necropolis is a one and done movie written and directed by Bruce Hickie, who I assume is from some parallel Earth, because it’s the only way I can understand the creation of this film. It was originally released by Empire Pictures before Lightning Video put it out on VHS and then it was later re-released by Vestron. My copy came by way of Full Moon, whose Grindhouse line has been re-releasing some awesome stuff.

Sometime back in the 1600’s, a witch named Eva (LeeAnne Baker, who was in Breeders and Mutant Hunt looking like every punk rock dream of my teenage years) abducts Dawn from her wedding ceremony and attempts to sacrifice her to the Lords of the Flies before Henry, a former slave, breaks on in and banishes her to Hell. Eva lets everyone know that she’ll get her revenge.

Now, Eva has returned to the streets of New York, sexing and killing her way through all manner of victims to get her Devil’s Ring back from the reincarnated Henry, who is now a street preacher who helps junkies get off smack. Meanwhile, Dawn is back as a reporter — saying everything as deadpan as possible in a British accent — while Billy is a New York cop. Everyone in this movie is as stereotypical as possible except Eva, who is really the heroine of the film to me. I’m all for her wiping every single one of them off the face of the Earth, even if we never really get a reason and even when she does, it just means she gets to walk the streets of New York City and look cool smoking a cigarette.

Let me tell you, you’ve never seen a film where a street priest who has an office in a closet and uses crosses make of sticks to repel evil battles an evil witch — who looks like Tianna Collins or Lois Ayres — that eats the goo of human brains and then uses it to nurse demons from her six breasts.

There are all levels of acting in this movie. Some folks read their lines like legitimate actors while others are clearly reading off of a cue card plastered to the wall. The effect is kind of mesmerizing, to be honest.

Much like Night Killer, this is one of those movies where I was screaming at the screen “I love this movie!” within minutes of it starting. There are also moments in the movie where Eva just starts dancing for no reason and I love each and every time that happens. In fact, I wish she danced throughout the entire film. She spends most of the movie making people kill themselves or have sex with her, which of course ends with them dying.

Also, this movie was made with all the budget and aesthetic quality of a Rinse Dream or Dark Brothers adult film. I mean that as the highest of all compliments. Seriously, this is the movie that I will be forcing people to watch with me for the rest of the year and well beyond.

Full Moon is making a sequel/remake/reimagining of this later this year called Necropolis: Legion. It doesn’t look anywhere near as fun as the original, but there are lactating evil breasts with mouths for nipples in the trailer, so watch at work at your own peril.

As for Necropolis, You can watch this for free on Tubi or order it from Full Moon. Or, you know, just come over the house and watch it with me. Bring some beer.

The Hills Have Eyes II (1984)

Seven years after the original film, Wes Craven would return to the desert, bringing more folks back into the near apocalyptic territory lorded over by the mutants from the first film. In fact, if you liked that movie, you’re in luck, because clips from it play throughout this one’s running time.

Wes Craven has disowned this movie, which started filming A Nightmare On Elm Street. Though it was released after that film, only two-thirds of it was finished when the studio halted production due to budget issues. Once Freddy Krueger became a household name, that convinced Craven to finish the movie using only the footage that he had in the can. That’s why so much of this film comes from the original, a point I will continually bludgeon throughout this article.

Robert Huston, who played Bobby in the original (and brought Lone Wolf and Cub to American screens) returns, as does Janus Blythe (she’s also great in Eaten Alive). She was Rachel in the first film and now everyone calls her Ruby. They now own a motocross team and have invented a super fuel. The team’s latest race takes them through the same stretch as…yes, I know I keep saying the original film, but this movie keeps referencing it.

Bobby’s psychiatrist wants him to go, but he chickens out with Rachel taking his place along with Beast the dog. Yes, from the first film.

The team — blind Cass (who brings a blind girl motocross racing?), her boyfriend Roy (Kevin Spritas from the Subspecies films and Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood), Harry (Peter Frechette, The KindredThe Unholy and T-Bird Louis DiMucci in Grease 2), Hulk(John Laughlin, Footloose and The Rock), Foster (Willard E. Pugh, Harpo from The Color Purple), Jane (Colleen Riley, Deadly Blessing) and Sue (Penny Johnson from TV’s Castle and 24) — head off to the desert but get lost.

Harry takes a shortcut through an old bombing range, which Ruby should have protested way more than she does. This leads them to a mining ranch where Pluto (Michael Berryman) comes back — yes, from the first movie — and attacks her. Everyone thinks she’s crazy until he also steals one of their bikes. Roy and Harry give chase but Harry gets killed by a boulder and a new cannibal named Reaper (John Bloom — who isn’t Joe Bob — the Frankenstein’s Monster from Al Adamson’s Dracula vs. Frankenstein) knocks out Roy.

Reaper is Papa Jupiter’s older brother and he isn’t here to mess around. Seriously, he wipes out everyone — including Ruby or Rachel or whatever she was calling herself these days — in short order, using spearguns, machetes and improvised traps. However, Craven didn’t like John Bloom’s voice, so he’s dubbed by Nicholas Worth, who we all know as Kirk Smith from Don’t Answer the Phone!

Sadly for Pluto, he’s still no match for a dog and gets dropped off a cliff.

The end of the film gets pretty thrilling, as the survivors use the bus itself as a trap for the gigantic mutant leader. There’s an amazing fire stunt at the end, which made me really happy. And hey — Kane Hodder was one of the stunt people for this!

You can buy this from Arrow Video but keep in mind that it’s limited to 3,000 copies! It’s packed with extras, like brand new audio commentary with The Hysteria Continues and Blood, Sand, and Fire: The Making of The Hills Have Eyes Part II, a new documentary that has interviews with Berryman, Blythe, composer Harry Manfredini and more.

Like everything Arrow puts out, it’s a high quality release well worth your money. And despite being told for years how bad this sequel is — it’s certainly not the dark and brutal classic that it’s forebearer was — it’s entertaining.

DISCLAIMER: We were sent this movie by Arrow Video, but we would have bought it anyway. That has no impact on our review.