2019 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 6: Necropolis (1987)

DAY 666. THE DEVIL’S WORKSHOP: A mass, ritual or summoning scene celebrating the Dark Prince.

Holy shit, this movie.

The poster art for Necropolis has called out to me many times and I’ve just never found the time. Now, I’m sad that I didn’t get to this sooner. This movie can’t be from our Earth. It’s too odd to be made by human hands. It’s oddly perfect, the kind of movie that I become an evangelist about and beg people to watch it. Then, they never get it like I do and think I’m insane.

Thanks, Scarecrow Challenge.

Necropolis is a one and done movie written and directed by Bruce Hickie, who I assume is from some parallel Earth, because it’s the only way I can understand the creation of this film. It was originally released by Empire Pictures before Lightning Video put it out on VHS and then it was later re-released by Vestron. My copy came by way of Full Moon, whose Grindhouse line has been re-releasing some awesome stuff.

Sometime back in the 1600’s, a witch named Eva (LeeAnne Baker, who was in Breeders and Mutant Hunt looking like every punk rock dream of my teenage years) abducts Dawn from her wedding ceremony and attempts to sacrifice her to the Lords of the Flies before Henry, a former slave, breaks on in and banishes her to Hell. Eva lets everyone know that she’ll get her revenge.

Now, Eva has returned to the streets of New York, sexing and killing her way through all manner of victims to get her Devil’s Ring back from the reincarnated Henry, who is now a street preacher who helps junkies get off smack. Meanwhile, Dawn is back as a reporter — saying everything as deadpan as possible in a British accent — while Billy is a New York cop. Everyone in this movie is as stereotypical as possible except Eva, who is really the heroine of the film to me. I’m all for her wiping every single one of them off the face of the Earth, even if we never really get a reason and even when she does, it just means she gets to walk the streets of New York City and look cool smoking a cigarette.

Let me tell you, you’ve never seen a film where a street priest who has an office in a closet and uses crosses make of sticks to repel evil battles an evil witch — who looks like Tianna Collins or Lois Ayres — that eats the goo of human brains and then uses it to nurse demons from her six breasts.

There are all levels of acting in this movie. Some folks read their lines like legitimate actors while others are clearly reading off of a cue card plastered to the wall. The effect is kind of mesmerizing, to be honest.

Much like Night Killer, this is one of those movies where I was screaming at the screen “I love this movie!” within minutes of it starting. There are also moments in the movie where Eva just starts dancing for no reason and I love each and every time that happens. In fact, I wish she danced throughout the entire film. She spends most of the movie making people kill themselves or have sex with her, which of course ends with them dying.

Also, this movie was made with all the budget and aesthetic quality of a Rinse Dream or Dark Brothers adult film. I mean that as the highest of all compliments. Seriously, this is the movie that I will be forcing people to watch with me for the rest of the year and well beyond.

Full Moon is making a sequel/remake/reimagining of this later this year called Necropolis: Legion. It doesn’t look anywhere near as fun as the original, but there are lactating evil breasts with mouths for nipples in the trailer, so watch at work at your own peril.

As for Necropolis, You can watch this for free on Tubi or order it from Full Moon. Or, you know, just come over the house and watch it with me. Bring some beer.

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