JESS FRANCO MONTH: Para las nenas, leche calentita (1986)

Already made by Jess Franco as Elles font tout in 1979 and El Hotel de los Ligues in 1983, Para las Nenas, leche calentita (Warm cream… for the babes) is like a commedia sexy all’Italiana except because Jess and Lina Romay is involved, we see the sex.

On the Spanish coast, we have three couples looking for something. For Lulu (Lina Romay) and Apollo (Antonio Mayans), it’s a good time, even if he can’t perform because his sister is with them everywhere they go. A lesbian couple is being watched by Pepito and several of his friends. And then there’s Jean and Rossy (Mari Carmen G. Alonso), who can’t stop getting it on.

That’s it. 67 minutes of sex action in the Hotel Venus. Probably made in the hotel where Jess and crew were making something else because, in 1986, he made 12 more movies using names like Clifford Brown for his own adult and Lulu Laverne and Candy Coster for the film he made with Lina.

In these three movies, people who have issues with sex resolve them through sex. How often did Jess feel he had to make something until it was right? Was it ever right? What was he trying to accomplish by going back again? Just adding insertions? Or was there a more significant message at work here?

JESS FRANCO MONTH: Las últimas de filipinas (1986)

After a shipwreck, two Spanish sisters (Helen Garret and Flavia Mayans) and their teacher, Miss Muro (Lina Romay), find themselves alone on an island. Or they thought they were, as an old man was also there, living in a cave filled with the gold of the many ships that had wrecked into this place.

Based on 1945’s Los últimos de Filipinas, Jess Franco iso making his Blue Lagoon, except there’s a chimpanzee, and the girls’ clothes get stolen pretty early on. That means while this feels as close as Franco ever gets to a Disney TV adventure movie, it also has nudity from characters who are supposed to be in their early teens.

There’s also a talking parrot and Franco’s voice, as usual.

What a strange and fascinating movie, one that makes us consider what if Franco had never learned how to zoom into vaginas and instead madelow-stakess family adventure films that also have young girls becoming women and falling in love with fishermen, while the old man in the cave becomes the teacher’s husband and they swear their vows on a book by Kant. His movies fascinate me because they just can’t be expected; even if you give Jess a creative brief, you’ll get precisely whatever he wants to make, along with an opening that’s stock footage and fog.

Maligno (1986)

Made by a teenage Joe Zaso, this movie was exactly what I was looking for: a SOV Giallo that’s “Phenomena meets Eyes of Laura Mars by way of an ABC Afterschool Special.” Made in the director’s teen years — he was 15 — it finds Susan Galligan (Karen Komornik) starting at a new school by the name of Hartcourt Academy, a dark and foreboding place — shots from the outside look very Tanz Akademie — that has already claimed the lives of several schoolgirls. Much like an Argento Giallo, Susan is also psychic, which means that she can see things before they happen, leading her to become the detective in this and discover who the killer is.

Between the drone music on the soundtrack, the toughness of the girls with NYC accents and the soft VHS quality, this was a dream odyssey into Joe’s teenage mind. I had the chance to ask him some questions about the making of this film and I’m so excited to share them with you.

B and S About Movies: Joe, I have a million questions.

Joe Zaso: It’s Argento’s Greatest Hits as told by a 15-year-old? If you took a shot for every Argento nod, you’d be bombed within the first 2 minutes.

B and S: I’m amazed you had access to all of these Argento films in 1986 and at such a young age. All we had in my hometown was the VHS of Creepers.

Joe: I had just seen Creepers on video before I made this.

B and S: Had you seen Suspiria before you made Maligno?

Joe: Yep. Donald Farmer from Splatter Times sent me a bootleg VHS of Suspiria (the R-rated version) filmed off a screen and a decent UK screener of Tenebre. I had also seen Deep Red shredded on Channel 9’s Fright Night. Plus, I had just seen Demons in a theater the same weekend that Poltergeist II opened, just before I started shooting.

I was going to do a third horror anthology as well as a very ambitious zombie movie (monsters from VHS rentals come to life) in Horrormax. But after seeing Creepers, I was in LOVE!

B and S: This feels like a slasher made by someone who has just had their mind opened by Italian movies.

Joe: I was into slasher movies and Romero. H.G. Lewis and Argento sparked it. As you can gather, it’s a hodge podge of so many Argentos. It’s my favorite of all my 80s movies, because it probably works the best and isn’t too incoherent or over-ambitious.

It basically foreshadowed the Giallo being my favorite movie type to make.

B and S: It’s a wood-paneled New York Giallo!

Joe: All the music came from Pennsylvania. Tim Frey and Richard Han, who was from New Castle. He was a penpal who almost got me a role as a zombie in Day of the Dead over Thanksgiving weekend.

B and S: I love the accents.

Joe: “Yeahhhh, Mawww. I know. It’s rainin’ really hoddd.”

B and S: It’s just amazing that at 15, you made a full Giallo.

Joe: It was my calling.

Thanks, as always, to Joe. You can check out a past interview with him and reviews of some of his other films, like ScreambookScreambook II and It’s Only a Movie. You can watch this on YouTube or order it as part of the Lost In the 80s: The Joe Zaso Collection from Terror Vision.

MOVIES THAT PLAYED SCALA: Down by Law (1986)

Thanks to the British Film Institute, there’s a list of films that played Scala. To celebrate the release of Severin’s new documentary, I’ll share a few of these movies every day. You can see the whole list on Letterboxd.

Zack (Tom Waits) and Jack (John Lurie) have been set up and landed in jail, where they’re doing time alongside Bob (Roberto Benigni) an Italian tourist who barely understands English and is in jail for accidental manslaughter. Zack and Jack want to fight almost immediately, but when Bob is able to break out — the movie is more about these men than how they jailbreak, the mechanics aren’t important — they stay with the foreigner because he can always find food.

Waits calls this “a Russian neo-fugitive episode of The Honeymooners.” Jarmusch listened to Waits’ songs and based a lot of the film on how they made him feel, yet Lurie and his band The Lounge Lizards recorded the soundtrack.

Bob, as an innocent, is able to take these broken and fighting men to the promised land, where he stays with Nicoletta (Nicoletta Braschi, who would later marry Benigni). As for Zack and Jack, they go their separate ways.

I love that this movie’s most heartfelt line, “It’s a sad and beautiful world,” was misspoken by Benigni.

MOVIES THAT PLAYED SCALA: Dogs In Space (1986)

Thanks to the British Film Institute, there’s a list of films that played Scala. To celebrate the release of Severin’s new documentary, I’ll share a few of these movies every day. You can see the whole list on Letterboxd.

Directed and written by Richard Lowenstein, this is the story of the band Dogs In Space, who are part of the Melbourne’s “Little Band” post-punk music scene in 1978. Two of its members, Sam (Michael Hutchence) and Tim (Nique Needles), live in a group home with Anna (Saskia Post), Luchio (Tony Helou) and The Girl (Deanna Bond).

The script — it’s episodic and rambling, basically about live music, partying and screwing around — was based on Lowenstein’s personal experiences of living in a similar house. He’d directed videos for INXS and wrote Sam’s role for Hutchence. That role is based on Sam Sejavka from the band The Ears, who lived with Lowenstein. He didn’t agree with a lot of this movie, saying “Even though it’s an interesting time that should be documented, I find it hard to believe Richard could do this to his friends. It’s just Richard’s version of what happened. It’s not the correct version.”

Tim is the stand-in for Lowenstein and as for Sejavka, he is in this in a party scene, playing someone named Michael, which is some nice inversion.

MOVIES THAT PLAYED SCALA: Blue Velvet (1986)

Thanks to the British Film Institute, there’s a list of films that played Scala. To celebrate the release of Severin’s new documentary, I’ll share a few of these movies every day. You can see the whole list on Letterboxd.

James Shelby Downard once said, “Never allow anyone the luxury of assuming that because the dead and deadening scenery of the American city-of-dreadful-night is so utterly devoid of mystery, so thoroughly flat-footed, sterile and infantile, so burdened with the illusory gloss of “baseball-hot dogs-apple-pie-and-Chevrolet” that it is somehow outside the psycho-sexual domain. The eternal pagan psychodrama is escalated under these “modern” conditions precisely because sorcery is not what 20th century man can accept as real.”

I’d like to think that Downard saw this movie, shook his head a bit and thought, “Well, they got some of it right.”

The Church of Satan film list says of Blue Velvet, “This neo-noir film by David Lynch is meant to be felt and experienced more than understood, Blue Velvet is about the hidden and unknown. It’s both terrifying and erotic simultaneously. The innocent outlook on life is stripped away to stark reality where predator and prey intermingle. 

The Satanic qualities presented are the exploration of the darker side of Human Nature, Lust, Fetishism, the Dominant and the Submissive, the Law of the Forbidden, Self Preservation, and Justice.”

Jeffrey Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan) has come home to Lumberton, North Carolina — a town that has a radio station with the call letters WOOD and seems so normal that something has to be wrong — a place named after lumber on the Lumber River. He’s home because his father has had a seizure and on the way home from the hospital, Jeffrey finds a severed ear. He does what any normal boy would do: he takes it to a cop, Detective John Williams (George Dickerson). This allows him to meet the perfect girl next door, the man’s daughter Sandy (Laura Dern). She might always have the perfect boyfriend, football player Mike Shaw (Ken Stovitz), but Jeffrey is able to get into Sandy’s world by being dangerous and investigating someone connected to that ear: lounge singer Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini, who would appear in the perhaps just as strange Tough Guys Don’t Dance after this). He sneaks into her apartment appearing to be an exterminator, except she catches him and easily overpowers him thanks to her feminine power. As she’s on the verge of assaulting him, Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) arrives, sending Jeffrey into a closet and Dorothy to the floor as Frank alternatively cries, screams, huffs gas and beats her into a submissive sexual state.

Yeah, this isn’t working out like Jeffrey planned.

Jeffrey still sees things like either a child or a character in a detective novel, giving people names like the well-dressed man or the Yellow Man. He becomes obsessed with Dorothy while still courting Sandy. He thinks he can save Dorothy’s husband and son Don and Don, but once he gives in to Dorothy’s pleas to hit her while they lie in bed, he’s lost. He’s in over his head. His fantasies that he’d write to True Detective — instead of Penthouse Forum — are consuming. Deadly, too. This isn’t some kind of jerk off dream that barely comes true. This is violent and bloody fucking that winds up with you trapped in a car with maniacs like Booth, visiting suave lounge singers like Ben (Dean Stockwell) and wondering if everyone in the world is against you and probably being right. It’s the kind of fantasy that gets you kissed all over by a lunatic and waking up almost dead in a field far from home.

Normal humanity didn’t react well to this movie. For example, the agency representing Rossellini immediately dropped her as a client after the test screenings and the nuns at the school that she went to in Rome called to say they were praying for her.

Hopper wasn’t cast originally, as Frank was written for Michael Ironside. The Last Movie director called Lynch and screamed, “I’ve got to play Frank! I am Frank!” Lynch also wanted Frank to inhale helium, but Hopper wanted it to be amyl nitrate. Lynch said that Hopper told him, “David, I know what’s in these different canisters.” And I said, “Thank God, Dennis, that you know that!” And he named all the gases!”

In Satan Speaks, Anton LaVey wrote about songs like “Telstar” and “Yes, We Have No Bananas” as Satanic songs.

“The word ‘occult’ simply means hidden or secret,” he says. “Go to the record store, to the corner where no one else is, where everything is dusty and nobody ever goes. Mussorgsky’s “Night on Bald Mountain” is mystical music, dramatic, Gothic, satanically programmed music. But it’s not occult music. “Yes, We Have No Bananas” would be an occult tune.

It’s occult because when you put that record on the turntable, it’s a lead-pipe cinch that there is not another person in the entire world who is listening to that record at that time. If there’s anything, any frequency, any power that exists anywhere in this cosmos, in this universe, you’re gonna stand out like a beacon! It truly makes you elite.”

Lynch understands that by using Roy Orbison’s “In Dreams” and Bobby Vinton’s “Blue Velvet” — he almost used “Song to the Siren” by This Mortal Coil, a song that was first played on the last episode of The Monkees by its writer Tom Buckley — in Blue Velvet. Orbison has always seemed like an alien to me, perhaps because of his look, his voice or because he voided the verse-chorus-verse-bridge-chorus structure. His songs feel like being in, well, a dream.

Frank finds great magic in the words “candy-colored clown” and it feels like Ben is about to break down when he sings “In dreams, you’re mine all of the time. We’re together in dreams, in dreams.” A lot of Roy Orbison made me feel like that when I was a child, like future nostalgia, the same feeling that made me listen to breakup songs over and over crying before I had ever had my heart broken, as if I were saving up for a time when I would finally be unrequited.

SEVERIN BLU RAY RELEASE: Scala!!! shorts disc two (1982, 1986, 1988, 1989, 1990, 2024)

The third disc of Severin’s new Scala!!! Or, the Incredibly Strange Rise and Fall of the World’s Wildest Cinema and How It Influenced a Mixed-up Generation of Weirdos and Misfits blu ray set has several documentaries and some shorts that are worth the entire price of this release. You can buy it from Severin.

The Art of the Calendar (2024): Kier-La Janisse has created this look at the art of film programming and marketing. Starting with the first repertory cinema calendars in California and Chicago in the late 70s and early 80s, this expands to interview several film programmers, including Mike Thomas (founder of Strand Releasing), Kim Jorgensen (founder of Landmark Cinemas), Craig Baldwin, Chicago film historian Adam Carston and Mark Valen (programmer for the Scala).

Thanks to this age of physical media and streaming that we live in, small theaters like the ones featured in this film, are always in danger of going away. More than just a “things were better back then” view, The Art of the Calendar presents a strong reason for you to support the movie houses around you, particularly the non-corporate ones that need you in their audience.

Also: If you love graphic design and the art of selling movies, this is an essential watch.

Splatterfest Exhumed (2024): This documentary covers Splatterfest ’90, the notorious all-night horror festival held at London’s legendary Scala Cinema. Directed by Jasper Sharp with David Gregory as supervising producer, this gets into how this well-remembered weekend was put together by a teenaged Justin Stanley and how it was amazing that it even happened at all.

Splatterfest ’90 was the UK premiere of several movies and the showing of several favorites, including Combat Shock, Evil Dead II, Brain Dead, Rabid Grannies, Within the Woods, Henry: Portrait of a Serial KillerDocument of the DeadThe Laughing Dead, The Toxic Avenger 2 and Bride of Re-animator; promo reels for Maniac 2, Horrorshow and Hardware; as well as the opportunity to meet horror icons like John McNaughton, Greg Nicotero, Brian Yuzna, Buddy Giovinazzo, Roy Frumkes and Scott Spiegel.

What emerges is a combination of people extolling the virtues of just how this event brought so many together with the challenges of running just such a massive undertaking. You also get to hear from those who were in the audience, such as Graham Humphries, Sean Hogan and Severin founder David Gregory.

My favorite parts in this concern how in the middle of the night, bootleggers suddenly arrived to sell tapes of banned video nasties and how The Comic was presented as the first film from a “new Hammer,” which stopped when the audience nearly rioted during the movie. It was so bad that the organizers didn’t show Cold Light of Day, another film by director Richard Driscoll.

This is perfect for lovers of horror, as well as movie history. I had a blast with it and am sad that I couldn’t have been in the audience.

Maniac 2: Mr. Robbie (1986): A proof of concept for a sequel to Maniac that never happened, this was directed by Buddy Giovinazzo (Combat Shock) and written by Joe Cirillo and its star Joe Spinell.

Shot in a bar that Spinell frequented and filled with his friends, this was a concept featuring Spinell as Mr. Robbie, a drunken kid show host who is dealing with letter after letter from abused children. The only way that he knows to deal with them is murder. What’s strange is that this is the same plot — and nearly the same name for its protagonist — as An Eye for an Eye/The Psychopath, a movie that finds Mr. Rabbey attacking parents who beat their children.

You only get a few minutes of what may have been, but when I see the craggy face of Joe Spinell, I feel like life could be OK. In some other world, I’ve bought this several times and just got the UHD release of it, having to explain to my wife why I keep buying the same film so many times.

I adore that Giovinazzo did a commentary for this, explaining how it happened and some of the sleazier things that he learned about the cast and where this was filmed.

Horrorshow (1990): Director and writer Paul Hart-Wilden wrote the script for the little-seen — and great — movie Skinner. He also wrote Living Doll, but Dick Randall gave it to George Dugdale and Peter Mackenzie Litten to direct.

It’s got a simple story — a man tries to stay in a room only to learn that it’s still possessed by a demon that has already killed one person — but it has plenty of gore to make it stand out. Its creator is obviously a big horror fan and his commentary on working on this is quite interesting. Hart-Wilden is still working, directing the TV series 31 Days of Halloween.

Cleveland Smith: Bounty Hunter (1982): Directed by Josh Becker, who wrote it with Scott Spiegel, this is a little-watched short that has many of the players of the Evil Dead series, including Bruce Campbell as the hero, Sam Raimi as a Nazi and Robert Tapert as a native.

As you can tell, Cleveland Smith is pretty much Indiana Jones, down to being chased by a bolder, but he also gets caught in quicksand and is nearly killed by a dinosaur. He has a whip, just like Dr. Jones, but he also has a ventriloquist dummy and a special pair of pants known as the Waders of the Lost Park.

This is totally politically incorrect and as dumb as it gets. I mean that in the best of ways.

Mongolitos (1988): Director Stéphane Ambiel made this short that the Scala ad copy claimed “Taking ten minutes to do what John Waters achieved in ten years.” This is great for selling the movie, but it’s nowhere in Waters league. That said, it has something to offend everyone, including shooting up with toilet water, puking up a turd, pushing a transgender woman’s head into the bowl while taking her from behind while a nun teams up on her and then everyone eating feces with crackers. I can only imagine that some people will be horribly upset by this, but it’s made so goofily that you can’t help but laugh at it. Somewhere, staunchly British people are also upset that the French are doing a Monty Python sketch with poo eating.

The Legendary H.G. Lewis Speaks! (1989): Herschell Gordon Lewis is at the center of the Venn diagram of my life, someone who was a leader in my two obsessions: movies and marketing. Just hearing his voice makes me feel good about things, like everything is going to work out alright. When you see his older face and his wry smile, you may almost forget that he once used animal guts dumped in Lysol over and over again in the Florida heat to upset almost everyone before anyone even considered what a gore movie was.

This was filmed on October 4, 1989, when Lewis spoke at the Scala before Gruesome Twosome and Something Weird. Before he went on stage, he asked to be paid in cash. At once a gentleman in a suit and a carny lunatic, at the dual poles of juxtaposition, only he could wax so enthusiastically about fried chicken and trying to figure out how to get Colonel Sanders into one of his movies.

SEVERIN BLU RAY RELEASE: Scala!!! shorts disc one (1968. 1971, 1978, 1984, 1986, 1989, 1991)

On the bonus discs of Severin’s new Scala!!! Or, the Incredibly Strange Rise and Fall of the World’s Wildest Cinema and How It Influenced a Mixed-up Generation of Weirdos and Misfits release, you’ll find examples of several shorts that played at the theater. You can buy this from Severin.

Divide and Rule – Never! (1978): Made for and by young people, this forty-minute or so film looks at race and how it is viewed in school, at work and by the law. There are also some historic sequences of British imperialism and a discussion of how Germany got to the point that it was pre-World War II, plus plenty of punk rock and reggae. This has many sides represented, from Black and Asian immigrants to ex-National Front members.

Divide and Rule — Never! was distributed by The Other Cinema, a non-profit-making, independent film distribution company in London.

Sadly, so much of this movie — made 45 years ago — are just as relevant today in America. This is movie that doesn’t shy away from incendiary material, but that’s what makes it so powerful. In addition to the interviews, it has some interesting animation and a soundtrack with Steel Pulse, TRB, X-Ray Specs and The Clash.

Dead Cat (1989): Directed and written by Davis Lewis, this has Genesis P-Orridge in the cast and a soundtrack by Psychic TV, which has been released as Kondole/Dead Cat.

A boy (Nick Patrick) has a cat that dies and his grief deposits him into a psychosexual nightmare, including a medicine man (Derek Jarman) and several unhoused people (P-Orridge, Andrew Tiernan).

This was shown at only a few theaters the year it was release — including Scala Cinema — before fading away and almost being lost before Lewis found it. In the program for this film, Scala said “The torture that occurs at the transition of sexuality.” If you liked videos for bands liek Skinny Puppy and Nine Inch Nails, this feels like the inspiration.

The Mark of Lilith (1986): Directed by Bruna Fionda, Polly Gladwin and Zachary Nataf as a project at The London College of Printing, this is all about Zena (Pamela Lofton), who is researching monstrous women. She meets Lillia (Susan Franklyn) a vampire, at a horror movie and the two start a relationship. 

Liliana, trapped with an abusive male partner by the name of Luke (Jeremy Peters) who is what vampires probably would be, scavengers who feed on the weak, dreams of movies in which she is the victim of just such a vampire. She’s often fed on human beings, but has been careful not to be caught or make a mess, unlike her partner. As for Zena, she’s been studying how female gods were once worshipped but now only appear in horror fiction as monstrous creatures.

So much of this movie is as right on now as when it was made, like the speech that Zena gives when Liliana tracks her down: “Have you noticed that horror can be the most progressive popular genre? It brings up everything that our society represses, how the oppressed are turned into a source of fear and anxiety. The horror genre dramatizes the repressed as “the other” in the figure of the monster and normal life is threatened by the monster, by the return of the repressed consciously perceived as ugly, terrible, obscene.”

Her argument is that we can subvert the very notions of horror, making the monsters into heroes that destroy the rules that hold us down.

However, this being a student film, it’s very overly earnest and instead of working these ideas into the narrative as subtext, they take over the entire movie. If you’re willing to overlook this, it’s a pretty fascinating effort.

Relax (1991):  Steve (Philip Rosch) lives with his lover Ned (Grant Oatley), but as he starts to engage in a more domestic relationship, he starts to worry about all of the partners he’s had. After all, the AIDS crisis is happening and he’s never been tested. Ned tells him to relax, but there’s no way that he can.

The wait for the test is just five days but it may as well be forever. This also makes a tie between sex and death, as Steve strips for both Ned and his doctor. And in the middle of this endless period of limbo, he dreams of death and fights with Ned, who just smiles and keeps telling him to relax. But how could anyone during the time of AIDS?

I remember my first blood test and the doctor lecturing me after he gave it, telling me that I should have been a virgin until I married and whatever happened, I brought it on myself. The funny thing was, I had been a virgin, I thought I was getting married and I had no knowledge that my fiance was unfaithful to a level you only see in films. That night, my parents came to visit, leaving their small town to come to the big city and my mother asked, “What is that bandage on your arm?” I could have lied, but I told her it was for a blood test, and I dealt with yet someone else upset with me. My problems were miniscule in the face of the recriminations that gay people had to deal with, a time of Silence=Death, a place seemingly forgotten today other than by the ones who fought the war.

Directed and written by Chris Newby, this is a stark reminder of that time.

Boobs a Lot (1968): Directed by Aggy Read, this is quite simple: many shots of female breasts, all set to The Fugs’ song of the same name. Banned in Australia, this has around three thousand sets of mammaries all in three minutes, the male gaze presented over and over and, yes, over again until it goes past just being sophomoric and becomes mesmerizing in the way that breasts are when you’re starting puberty. I’m ascribing artistic meaning to this but really, at the end of the day, it’s just a lot of sweater meat. Fun bags. Cans, dirty pillows, babylons, what have you. My wife is always amazed at how many dumb names I can come up with for anatomy and I blame years of John Waters and reading Hustler as a kid and yeah, I’m not as proud of the latter than the former. That said, there are a lot of headlights in this one.

Kama Sutra Rides Again (1971): Stanley (Bob Godfrey, who also directed and write this) and Ethel are a married couple looking to keep their love life interesting, so they have been trying out new positions. Things start somewhat simple, but by the end, Ethel is being dropped through trap doors and out of an airplane onto her husband. A trapeze love making attempt ends in injury, leading Ethel to chase Stanley while all wrapped up.

Stanley Kubrick personally selected this film to play before A Clockwork Orange in theaters in the UK. I wonder if this played at Scala before the screening that shut down the theater. More than just a dirty cartoon, this was nominated for an Oscar. Despite being about lovemaking, it’s all rather innocent and remains funny years after it was made.

Coping With Cupid (1991): Directed and co-written by former Slits guitarist Viv Albertine, this finds three blonde alien women — played by Yolande Brener, Fiona Dennison and Melissa Milo — who have come to Earth to learn what love is, under the command of Captain Trulove (the voice of Lorelei King). They meet a man named Peter (Sean Pertwee), who hasn’t found anyone, as well as interview people on the street to try and learn exactly how one person can become enamored of another.

Richard Jobson from Skids and Don Letts from Big Audio Dynamite appear, as does feminist sexologist Shere Hite, at least on a TV set. I love that the three aliens are the ideal of male perfection yet they are lonely, trying to figure out what it takes to make the heart beat. It’s kind of like so many other films that I adore where space women try to understand men, a genre that really needs a better title. See Cat-Women of the Moon, Missile to the Moon, Queen of Outer Space, Fire Maidens from Outer SpaceAmazon Women On the Moon, Abbott and Costello Go to Mars, El Planeta De Las Mujeres Invasoras and Uçan Daireler Istanbulda.

On Guard (1984): Sydney: Four women — Diana (Jan Cornall), Amelia (Liddy Clark),  Adrienne (Kerry Dwyer) and Georgia (Mystery Carnage) — juggle their lives, careers and even families to destroy the research of the company Utero, who are creating new ways of reproductive engineering. Or, as the sales material says, “Not only are the protagonists politically active women, but the frank depiction of their sexual and emotional lives and the complexity of their domestic responsibilities add new dimensions to the thriller format. The film also raises as a central issue the ethical debate over biotechnology as a potential threat to women and their rights to self-determination.”

One of the women loses the diary that has all of the information on their mission, which leads to everyone getting tense over what they’re about to do. Directed by Susan Lambert, who wrote it with Sarah Gibson, this allows the women to be heroes and not someone to be saved. I like that the advertising promised that this was “A Girls’ Own Adventure” and a heist film, hiding the fact that it has plenty of big ideas inside it.

Today, in vitro fertilisation (IVF) is an accepted way of having children, yet here, it’s presented as something that will take away one of the primary roles of women. Juxtapose that with IVF being one of the women-centric voting topics of the last U.S. election.

2024 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 27: Annihilator (1986)

27. MAN & MACHINE: When one interacts with the other, both are forever changed.

Originally airing on NBC on April 7, 1986, Annihilator was an unsold pilot for a TV series that would never be made.

Robert Armour (Mark Lindsay Chapman, Arcane from Swamp Thing the TV series) is dating Angela (Catherine Mary Stewart), another reporter. But when she returns from a girls only Hawaiian vacation with her friend Cindy (Lisa Blount), she’s not the same. That’s because their flight was taken by aliens and they’ve been replaced by killer androids who will destroy the human race.

Director Michael Chapman directed The Clan of the Cave Bear the same year this was released and shot The Last DetailTaxi DriverInvasion of the Body SnatchersHardcoreRaging BullThe Lost BoysGhostbusters II and so many more films. So this looks way better than it should. It was written by the father and son team of Roderick and Bruce Taylor, who also created the series Otherworld and Super Force. Roderick wrote Gator and Bruce, well, he wrote Elves so he’s good in my mind. More than good.

Oh yeah: These aliens — known as Dynamatars — are also super Satanic.

So anyways, Robert ends up killing Angela after she murders their dog and then comes after him. He rams her with a Jeep and then goes on the run from both the alien androids and the police, setting this up like The Fugitive versus Terminator with a bit of The Invaders.

We also get Nicole Eggert as a teenage robot killer, Geoffrey Lewis as her plot explaining professor father, an appearance by Earl Boen to really hammer that Terminator Home Edition point home, Brion James as a biker and the hints of an alien leader in the shadows who carries around some kind of spell book.

Somehow, this had the budget to have “Ashes to Ashes” by David Bowie play repeatedly, no complaints.

With a cast full of scream queens I had crushes on, a weird Miami Vice-like music video way of shooting the show and a conspiracy plot, I wish this had become a series. It would have lasted 11 of 12 episodes with the last one only airing in Europe as a TV movie edited together from several of the stories.

You can watch this on YouTube.

UNSUNG HORRORS HORROR GIVES BACK 2024: The Seventh Curse (1986)

Each October, the Unsung Horrors podcast does a month of themed movies. This year they will once again be setting up a fundraiser to benefit Best Friends, which is working to save the lives of cats and dogs all across America, giving pets second chances and happy homes.

Today’s theme: The Sweetest Taboo

In the book The Sweetest Taboo An Unapologetic Guide to Child Kills In Film, author Erica Shultz says that this movie doesn’t just have dead children, but “100 of them being smashed in a hydraulic press so their blood can be used to awaken a demon.”

So if you’re charged with writing about a movie with kid kills, this would be the one to go for.

Lam Ngai Kai also made Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, so you know that he has no problem with blowing your mind and making you kind of excited with all the non-stop gore.

Based on Ni Kuang’s series of novels Dr. Yuen — Ni Kuang also narrates this and make an appearance — this has Dr. Yuen Chen-hsieh (Chin Siu-ho) rescuing a girl named Bachu (Chui Sau-lai) from being sacrificed by the Worm Tribe. However, he has Seven Curses which she heals him from for one year, but they cause his legs to bleed and when all seven curses happen, he will die. So he goes back to Thailand to battle the cult of worms and their leader Sorcerer Aquala (Elvis Tsui) one more time.

He’s joined by reporter Tsui Hung (Maggie Cheung), Black Dragon (Dick Wei) and his friend Wisely (Chow-Yun Fat) on this adventure. In the books this comes from, Wisely is the hero and Dr. Yuen the sidekick, but there’s so much happening in this movie that you don’t have to concern yourself with that.

Imagine a movie that starts with Dr. Yuen in the middle of a SWAT assault then turns into an Indiana Jones movie, but if Indiana Jones had karate, tons of nudity, skeleton fights, way over the top gore and even a flying monster baby. Also a giant stone god, an Alien end boss, a coven of devil worshippers, lighting out of Bava and Chow Yun-Fat blowing a demon up real good twice with a rocket launcher.

I don’t know that there’s another movie that’s quite as strange or as good as this. Writing about it makes me want to watch it all over again.

You can watch this on Tubi.