JESS FRANCO MONTH: Ópalo de fuego: Mercaderes del sexo (1980)

A criminal organization somewhere in the Canary Islands with friends in high places is kidnapping famous women and selling them to their fans, which is pretty much the most illegal and immoral version of OnlyFans ever.

Who can stop them?

Two dancers — actually Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties — with the names of Cecile (Lina Romay) and Brigitte (Nadine Pascal) who are currently in prison, but the police ask them if they’d like to solve the case.

If all this movie gives you is Lina in high heels and a gold bikini being chased by a helicopter, is your life so bad?

Also: a magic ring that can hypnotize women.

I’d like to see the script to one of Franco’s movies, because I can only imagine it says, “Diamonds are stolen. Strippers become detectives. Zoom in to honeypot. The end.”

You can buy this from Severin.

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