JESS FRANCO MONTH: Dark Mission: Flowers of Evil (1988)

CIA agent Derek Carpenter (Christopher Mitchum) has been sent to Lima by his boss Lieutenant Sparks (Richard Harrison) to stop drug dealer and one-time Castro supporter Luis Morel (Christopher Lee). He meets up with Moira (Brigitte Lahaie), a woman who wants revenge on Morel for killing her husband, and falls for Linda (Christina Higueras), Morell’s daughter who has no idea that her father is a major drug dealing criminal.

Supposedly, Lee asked Jess Franco if this was going to be another porn movie he got him into — to be fair, the last time that happened it was softcore and I still refuse to believe that one-time supposed master spy Lee was fooled by Jess — and once he was assured there wasn’t even a nude scene, all was fine.

Eurocine paid Franco to make movies that weren’t Franco movies or at least the ones he liked making. But he made money on these and I know, as someone that punches a clock, just how essential that is. You can’t pay your mortgage with the respect of snide Internet film lovers thirty years in the future, after all.

That said, Lee is, as always, wonderful and if you can’t deal with watching Brigitte Lahaie shooting a machine gun from the hip to erase just how wooden Chris Mitchum is, you haven’t built the calluses to watch Eurocine’s films just yet.

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