Before Jonathan Kaplan was racking up critical acclaim for Heart Like a Wheel or The Accused, he was a king of the drive-in circuit. We’re talking a blistering run of exploitation gold: Night Call Nurses, The Student Teachers, The Slams, Truck Turner and White Line Fever. But even the best directors have a car crash moment. On an episode of  Trailers From Hell, Kaplan didn’t mince words, calling this movie “the biggest failure of his career.“

Written by Ken Friedman (who also wrote several other Kaplan films, such as Bad Girls and Death By Invitation), this was an attempt by Dino De Laurentiis to make an American movie starring Italian actor Terence Hill, who was already well-known to American audiences for They Call Me Trinity.

The plan? Put Hill in a big-budget, globe-trotting action comedy. The result? Total box office poison. Variety reported that Radio City Music Hall actually sued 20th Century-Fox for over $100,000 because ticket sales were so pathetic. When the Rockettes are looking for a refund, you know you’re in trouble.

”When a simple garage mechanic suddenly inherits a billion dollars, he gets more action, excitement, romance, and riotous adventure than money can buy!” Yes, Terence Hill is Guido Falcone, an Italian mechanic who is the only relative not to have begged his rich American uncle for money. When he gets the entire estate, his uncle’s business manager, John Cutler (Jackie Gleason), flies to Italy to try to con him. Despite his sweet nature, Guido is way smarter than he appears and wants to look over the estate; he has to be in San Francisco on a certain date to accept the offer. Cutler, wanting the money for himself, hires Rosie (Valerie Perrine) and her friend Bernie (Dick Miller) to distract Guido and keep him from signing his estate papers.

The movie was originally supposed to feature Lily Tomlin, but the studio gave her the thumb. Enter Valerie Perrine. As the urban legend goes, Perrine introduced herself to the famously modest and sweet-natured Hill by claiming she could light a cigarette with her vagina. Unsurprisingly, the chemistry evaporated instantly. The two supposedly despised each other, making the falling-in-love scenes feel about as romantic as a root canal.

The supporting cast includes R.G. Armstrong as a Southern sheriff, Chill Wills as a military leader, Slim Pickens as a rancher, William Redfield as a company lawyer, Sam Laws and Johnny Ray McGhee as a father and son with differing views on life, and even Leo Rossi as a kidnapper. As I say, it’s the kind of cast I personally would call an all-star, even if no one else would agree.

Hill would also appear in another box-office bomb that year, March or Die, which also starred Gene Hackman and Catherine Deneuve.

I have no idea why Hollywood would hire Hill to play in a movie that’s nothing like what he does best. At least he was able to work with Bud Spencer again and make plenty of late 70s and 80s buddy movies, as well as Super Fuzz as a solo movie three years later.

You can watch this on YouTube.