Karen Arthur worked with screenwriter Don Chastain to loosely adapt Eric Westphal’s play Toi et Tes Nuages, which she had seen in Paris in 1975, to create this movie that even today, nearly fifty years after it was made, seems unhinged.

Ellen Carpenter (Lee Grant, Valley of the Dolls) is an astronomer who shares her home — a ramshackle house in the Hollywood Hills that they inherited from their anthropologist father — with her sister Cissy (Carole Kane), an adult child devoted to her mafus, which are pet monkeys which she keeps in a cage in the living room. There’s a problem though. The mafus never last long as Cissy tends to kill them. And oh yeah — Ellen is in love, real love, incestual love, with her sister.

Now, Cissy wants another monkey and Ellen refuses. There’s been enough death. But then their godfather Zom (Will Geer, The Waltons) gets Cissy an orangutan from his zoo. And at the same time, Ellen is finally finding love — she’s as emotionally stunted as her sister is developmentally — with David, a fellow astronomer (James Olson, Amityville II: The Possession). She’s not ready to let him into her life, as when Cissy finds out, she beats the orangutan into oblivion.

When Ellen goes away on a work trip, David comes to visit. As she’s not there, Cissy lets him in and tells him how the mafu cage was brought into the house and used by her father to keep doing his research when he wasn’t in the jungle. She locks David in the cage and begins to study him as her subject, finally flying into a rage and beating him into the next life too. She buries him in the garden, but keeps painting him, which leads to Ellen locking herself in the bathroom and Cissy finally having a nervous breakdown.

I don’t want to ruin any more of this movie, which is surprising at nearly every turn. Arthur, unfortunately, dealt with some bad luck making films — Lady Beware is one example — and The Jerry Gross Organization tried to sell this an exploitation movie, changing the name to Don’t Ring the Doorbell.

Carole Kane is absolutely the greatest in this movie, playing a character quite unlike anything else she’d ever do in her career. Lee Grant is, as always, perfect. This movie is really something else, one I’d been waiting to watch and I was rewarded for my patience.

Kino Lorber’s blu ray release — along with Scorpion Releasing — of this film is a must-have. It has a 2K scan of the interpositive, supervised and approved by cinematographer John Bailey (who appears on a commentary track with editor Carol Littleton) and commentary with Arthur. There are also interviews with Kane, Grant, Arthur, Bailey, Littleton and composer Roger Kellaway. Plus, you get trailers and an image gallery. Grab it now from Kino Lorber.

Reggie Nalder played perhaps the best vampire of all time, Barlow in Tobe Hooper’s Salem’s Lot, but in this pornographic version of the Dracula story, he’s Van Helsing.

So who, in 1978, should play Dracula? C’mon. Jamie Gilils*.

Who else could be credited, somewhat, for gonzo, which destroyed the narrative nature of adult, but could also be in two of the best Golden Age movies, The Opening of Misty Beethoven and Barbara Broadcast?

Shot in the same Lancaster, California castle as Al Adamson’s Blood of Dracula’s Castle, this movie has an all-star cast for people who may blush when they mentioned their names, like Seka (her first role), John Leslie, Serena, John Holmes (I mean, he’s a household name, right?) Annette Haven and Kay Parker.

It’s way better than an adult Dracula should be, but you may wonder, “Why is this on the site? I know this is Not So Classic Monsters Week, but what gives?”

Well, item one: Norman Thaddeus Vane, who made The Black Room, was second unit director. And who was the director? Phillip Marshak. Yes, the man who made Cataclysm AKA The Nightmare Never Ends AKA The Case of Claire Hansen” in Night Train to Terror. And as you know, everything in my movie life revolves around that movie. I mean, everybody’s got something to do, everybody but you, you know?

There’s a softcore cut of this, which makes sense, but also Lust At First Bite, an even more hardcore cut with forty more minutes. You can get it all from Vinegar Syndrome and really, who else would put this out?

*Gillis also played Dracula in Dracula Exotico. Later, he’d be attacked by a werepanther played by Raven with Rocco Siffredi in tow in a movie co-star John Leslie directed, Curse of the Catwoman, and yes, that was totally not from research.

Cemetery Girls, Vampire Hookers of Horror, Night of the Bloodsuckers, Sensuous Vampires and Twice Bitten. Whatever name we give this co-production of the Philippines and the United States — directed by the infamous Cirio H. Santiago — we can all appreciate that John Carradine plays the vampire Richmond Reed, who has hired a gang of women to draw in new blood for his veins.

Suzy (Lenka Novak, who made her first living as a nude model in Europe, appeared in Mayfair and had a brief career in films like Moonshine County Express and as one of the naked women in “Catholic High School Girls in Trouble” in The Kentucky Fried Movie), Cherish (Karen Stride, Three-Way Weekend) and Marcy (Katie Dolan, one and done with this movie) are the girls and yeah, you can see that Richmond Reed is a man with a great plan.

Vampire Hookers was written by Howard R. Cohen, who may have only lived 56 years on this planet, but still found the time and energy to be a party joke editor for Playboy, write books and also write Unholy Rollers, Stryker and episodes of The Care Bears and Rainbow Brite, as well as direct Saturday the 14th, Saturday the 14th Strikes Back and Deathstalker IV: Match of Titans.

Sure, the movie isn’t great, but it did teach me that John Carradine’s real name is Richmond Reed Carradine.

Amanda Lear is one interesting story.

The French singer, songwriter, painter, television presenter, actress and former model first came to the attention of the public via her image on the cover of Roxy Music’s For Your Pleasure. Thanks to her songs “Blood and Honey”, “Tomorrow”, “Queen of Chinatown”, “Follow Me”, “Enigma (Give a Bit of Mmh to Me)”, “The Sphinx” and “Fashion Pack,” she became a multi-million selling disco queen. And she modeled, was a television host, a theatrical actress, a gay activist and the muse and closest friend of Salvador Dali for the last 15 years of his life.

She’s also a mystery, even hiding the date of her birth from her husband (anywhere from 1939 to 1950) as well as where she was born, the gender she was assigned at birth, names and nationalities of her parents, and the location of her upbringing.

From the day her career as a singer and model began, rumors of her gender have been around, including the theory that Dali ponsored her sex reassignment surgery and invented her stage name which was untended to be a pun in Catalan: L’Amant de Dalí or Dalí’s lover.

She has always denied that she was born a man, despite songs that flirt with the idea like “Fabulous (Lover, Love Me)” and “I’m a Mistery.” All this despite numerous articles and images of her original passport using the name Alain Maurice Louis René Tap, which also states that she was born on June 18, 1939 in Saigon.

Who cares. Lear is fabulous.

Lear appears in this film — she thought that it was for a musical comedy and had no idea it was a sex film, which led to a lawsuit — to take us to popular night clubs and sex venues from all around the world. She introduces each city with a song and then D’Amato takes us to the sex scenes, including straight and gay sex, sexual magic tricks, erotic dancing, BDSM, group sex and hey, it’s Joe D’Amato, so the moment you get the least bit aroused, he unleashes necrophilia on you.

Also known as Follie di notte (Madness of the Night), Notti pazze della Amanda Lear (Crazy Nights of Amanda Lear), Crazy Nights, Follow Me, Mondo Erotico and the title we listed it as, which means Porn Nights in the World Volume 2, this movie features two of Lear’s songs, “Follow Me” and “Enigma (Give a Bit of Mmh to Me).”

If this side of the mondo world interests you, check out the Bruno Mattei-directed Le Notti porno nel mondo and Emanuelle e le porno notti nel mondo n. 2, which has the dream team of Mattei and D’Amato making a mondo erotic film with Laura Gemser hosting. It’s not as out of control or shocking as this film, but if you’ve made it through other D’Amato stuff like Emanuelle in America, you can handle this.

Man, I was confused. Crazy Nights came out the same year and this movie mines much of the same territory as Emanuelle and the Erotic Nights and Le Notti Porno nel Mondo, so one would hopefully be excused by getting a bit mixed up what with all the Mattei and D’Amato mondo erotic films. I guess the way I’m keeping them as straight as possible is by remembering that Crazy Nights has Amanda Lear as its host and the other three have Laura Gemser.

I mean, even Letterboxd is confused and lists the Amanda Lear tag for this film.

Maybe you’re reading this and an expert on these matters and can put it all in order for me.

Maybe you’re the ghost of Joe D’Amato and I want to meet you.

Anyways…

What doesn’t help, yet again, is that the IMDB entry for this doesn’t have Gemser in it, but does have Ajita Wilson and Marina Hedman, who are in Crazy Nights. And I must confess to watching all of these Mattei and D’Amato docs one on top of the other.

In the grand scheme of things, no one but me cares about this, but man, I do care.

Also — if anyone has the D’Amato movies Instinct and Pugni, Pirati e Karate I need those ones too. My OCD is out of control not having those on this list. And man, looking at Joe’s sheer volume of adult movies makes me feel like a one-handed Sisyphus, staring at a mountain of sheer depravity.

Starting with Bitto Albertini’s Black Emanuelle in 1975, Laura Gemser would play the character — or variations of her — in a ton of movies like Black Emanuelle 2; Emanuelle in Bangkok; Black Emmanuelle, White Emmanuelle; Emmanuelle on Taboo Island; Emanuelle in America; Sister Emanuelle; Emanuelle Around the World; Emanuelle and the White Slave Trade; Emanuelle and the Erotic Nights; Emmanuelle: Queen of Sados; Divine Emanuelle; Emmanuelle in the Country; Violence in a Women’s Prison; Women’s Prison Massacre and the compilation Emanuelle’s Perverse Outburst. This would be the last she’d make with D’Amato, who based this on Just Jaeckin’s The French Woman, a movie that tells the true story of French brothel madam Madame Claude.

That’s why this movie is also known as Emanuelle and the Girls of Madame Claude, who is played in this film by Gota Gobert (Private House of the SS).

After a trip to Africa with special friend Susan, our heroine dashes off to meet a prince and a gangster, but then she notices a man pushing a gorgeous yet comatose and wheelchair-riding woman through the airport and somehow ends up getting involved in a white slavery ring. Yet it all feels like Emanuelle is somewhat tired, as over the last three years she’s done all that she can do. I mean, you go up against cannibals, snuff films and hit that many countries, you’d be exhausted too.

That said, a bad Laura Gemser/Joe D’Amato movie does not exist. There are just ones that are not as good.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We originally posted these movies back on May 18, 2021 and May 21, 2021 when we had a week of Bruno Mattei. Well, the scum always rises to the top, huh?

Emanuelle and the Erotic Nights (1978): Known in Italy as Emanuelle e le porno notti nel mondo n. 2, this movie is more like the Superman and Batman of Italian scummy cinema teaming up, as Joe D’Amato and Bruno Mattei (credited as J. Metheus) team up to unleash their absolute lack of restraint upon audiences, bringing along Laura Gemser, Black Emanuelle herself, to host the proceedings.

This being a mondo, you may wonder, how long until a real animal is abused? Oh, not long. That said, the majority of this film is given over to strip clubs and magic acts. Unlike other D’Amato and Mattei adult mondos, this is relatively tame by comparison. If you want full and unfiltered Joe and Bruno, you’d want Notti porno nel mondo.

Gloria Guida, Miss Teenage Italy 1974, appears in this. You may recognize her from The Bermuda Triangle and as the titular character in Blue Jeans. Ajita Wilson, who was in Fulci’s Contraband, also appears.

I’m always amazed that these mondos continually feature sex change footage, which is often faked. Who was clamoring to see this? That said, I do love Mattei’s super quick-cut editing style and unlike many mondos, this never gets boring.

Notti Porno nel Mondo (1977): Not to be confused with the above movie — that’s the safer one — this film finds Joe D’Amato and Bruno Mattei at the helm, starting things off with Laura Gemser appearing as Emanuelle with one m, saying, “It’s your old friend Emanuelle again…”  before taking us on a journey.

What a horrific journey it is!

Also known as Sexy Night Report, there’s a 70-minute edited version of this movie that’s still pretty rough. But man, the unedited one? You need to wash your eyes with fire after watching it.

Sure, this being a mondo means most of the footage is faked. So yesh, while a good portion of this one is beyond unreal, with scenes like a man in an ape costume “performing” with an exotic dancer and another where an Amsterdam red light girl shows off for a crowd before choosing a man from the window watchers, leaving his wife outside. Then, the movie descends into what I can only imagine Sodom and Gomorrah looked like to Lot’s wife before she was turned into seasoning.

Yes, in case you wondered if you were still watching a mondo, we have chickens getting their heads cut off, rituals in foreign countries, ping pong balls being launched out of a special place, a magic trick that turns someone into a hermaphrodite and, of course, a man’s member being chopped off again and again, as the scene is replayed from every angle, looking faker and faker each time.

It’s like Mattei — Jimmy Matheus! — and D’Amato — uncredited! — were thinking, “We’ve shown these raincoaters naked women for the last ninety minutes or so. Let’s show them a pisello get sliced off and then someone get their head cut off to remind them who we are.”

We get it, Bruno and Joe. Or Vincent Dawn and Aristide Massaccesi. Or David Hunt and David Hills.

Marina Hedmann — speaking of extra names, she was also known as Marina Lotar, Marion Bibbo, Bellis Marina Hedman and many, many more —  from Emanuelle in America, La Pretora, Play Motel and plenty of adult films (she was one of the first Italian actresses to appear in porn) appears.

If this looks way better than it should, despite being shot all in the same room even though they claim it’s all over the world, because Enrico Biribicchi shot it. He lent his skills to plenty socially unredeeming movies, including The Return of the Exorcist, Emanuelle in America, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Buio Omega, Erotic Nights of the Living Dead and Porno Holocaust. He was also the cinematographer for Antropophagus.

This being a Mattei movie, rest assured that plenty of recycled footage appears. There’s some stuff from several Erwin C. Dietrich movies, some of Jess Franco’s Mondo Erotico and even stuff from D’Amato’s Eva Nera*.

Notti Porno nel Mondo is absolutely ridiculous, a movie that I would never recommend to anyone but absolute maniacs with no taste whatsoever. If you read this far, that’s probably you.

*Thanks to Adrian on Letterboxd for figuring out where those scenes came from.

On a Caribbean island, a nuclear power plant is to about to be built despite the native population’s protests and their resistance under the guiance of Papaya (Melissa Chimenti). So how do you stop the nukes? You stea the engineers and kill them and sometimes eat them.

Meanwhile…

Sara (Sirpa Lane, who was referred to by Roger Vadim as the next Bardot, except Bardot was never in The Beast, Nazi Love Camp 27 or The Beast in Space) is at the same holiday on vacation and falls for Vincent (Maurice Poli, Hansel e Gretel), an engineer at the plant, except that means that they both get pulled into the shenanigans of Papaya and her cult and must become part of the Celebration of the Red Stone.

So yes, this movie doesn’t have much cannibalism, but it’s a sexploitation movie about how man destroys native habitats and should leave the ancient world alone lest it rise up with murder in its eyes. And loins. I mean, it’s still a movie by Joe D’Amato with plenty of horizontal dancing. Also: a cock fight — it’s an Italian movie — and Papaya literally eating a man’s dick.

All movies don’t have to be made by Joe D’Amato, but they should be.