EDITOR’S NOTE: The Devil’s Eight was on the CBS Late Movie on June 19 and June 6, 1973; January 29, 1974 and May 13, 1975.

Oh American International Pictures. You knew exactly what the kids wanted. In 1969, they wanted their own version of The Dirty Dozen. Who better to give it to them than you?

Based on a story by AIP story editor Larry Gordon and the first draft was by James Gordon White. It was eventually rewritten in ten days by two of his assistants, John Milius and Willard Huyck. The future director of Conan the Barbarian quipped, “It was called The Devil’s 8 because they didn’t have enough money for a full dozen.”

White wasn’t a fan of the final film. “They took the Southern flavor out of it and I’m from the south, so I know from whereof I talk.” Take it from the writer of Bigfoot, The Mini-Skirt Mob and both movies about a head transplant, The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant and The Thing with Two Heads.

Originally known as Inferno Road, this movie has an all-star cast. And by that, I mean an all-star AIP 1969 cast.

Christopher George (Day of the Animals, City of the Living Dead, Pieces and about a hundred other movies that I love) plays federal agent Ray Faulkner, who starts the movie on a road gang before he breaks the rest of the guys out and forces them on to a helicopter at gunpoint. They are:

• Sonny (Fabian!) is in prison for murder but he’s a great driver. Unfortunately, he has a drinking problem.
• Frank Davis (Ross Hagen, The Sidehackers) used to drive for the mob, but then they murdered his brother.
• Billy Joe (Tom Nardini, Cat Ballou) is a mechanic who just wants to drive.
• Sam (Joseph Turkel, Dr. Eldon Tyrell from Blade Runner and Lloyd from The Shining) loves to get in brawls.
• Henry (Robert DoQuia, the sergeant from the RoboCop movies) is an African-American prisoner who can really handle the wheel.
• Chandler (Larry Bishop, son of Joey, who was in Wild In the Streets) would rather read the Bible than get involved in all this.
• Stewart Martin (Ron Rifkin, L.A. Confidential) is a rookie fed.

After training “The Eight…you’ll either love or hate!” in high-speed driving and throwing bombs, they work their way into Burl’s (Ralph Meeker, who was actually in The Dirty Dozen, as well as Without Warning and The Alpha Incident) illegal moonshine operation. There are all manner of double crosses and not everyone makes it out alive, but Burl’s mistress Cissy (Leslie Parrish) ends up with her real man, Davis.

Let me talk about Leslie Parrish for awhile. She’s led a pretty amazing life, starting under her birth name Marjorie Hellen, which she changed in 1959. While she was a teenager at the Philadelphia Conservatory of Music, she started modeling and became a human test pattern for NBC known as Miss Color TV, as they used her skin tones to test how well they’d transmit over the airwaves.

In 1956, she started her contract with MGM and appeared in redneck classic Lil’ Abner as Daisy Mae. In fact, it was director Melvin Frank who convinced her to change her name. She was also in The Manchurian Candidate and a ton of TV shows at this time, as well as being the Associate Producer on Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Part of that job meant caring for the real seagulls and keeping them in her hotel room, as well as being the mediator between her husband, author Richard Bach, and director Hall Bartlett after they stopped talking. Despite all that, her role is only listed as researcher in the credits.

While acting paid the bills, her real job was activism. She was a member of the Jeannette Rankin Brigade, a coalition of women’s peace groups and had private audiences with politicians and led huge public protests. She has also been incredibly involved in environmental activism and even created KVST-TV, which looked pretty much like C-SPAN does today, but all the way back in 1967. Today, she continues to develop and lead the Spring Hill Wildlife Sanctuary on Orcas Island in Washington. And oh yeah — she was also in The Giant Spider Invasion. Check out her official site!

The Devil’s 8 is decent, but as always, I’m on the side of the bootleggers. Don’t make me divide my loyalty by putting Fabian on the side of Johnny Law! Come on, AIP!

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Legend of Billie Jean was on the CBS Late Movie on October 7, 1988.

This movie was a big deal when I was 13 and somehow, I never saw it.

Billie Jean Davy (Helen Slater) and her brother Binx (Christian Slater, the two stars are not related) spend their days in Corpus Christi, Texas swimming in the lake and riding on Binx’s Honda Elite Scooter. As they talk about running away someday to Vermont, you may wonder if they are boyfriend and girlfriend rather than brother and sister, but this movie never goes there. I’ve just seen too many Joe D’Amato movies.

The Davy family have to deal with some bullies led by Hubie Pyatt (Barry Tubb), who steals the scooter and does damage to it. Billie Jean demands money for the repairs from Hubie’s father (Richard Bradford), who ends up trying to use the money to get sex out of her. He ends up getting shot by Binx and the two go on the run, along with their friends Ophelia (Martha Gehman) and Putter (Yeardley Smith, who refused to cut her hair for this movie and is wearing a wig; she was also twenty when this was made and is playing a fourteen-year-old. She strapped her breasts down with Ace bandages to look younger.).

While the shop owner survives, this puts Lieutenant Ringwald (Peter Coyote) on the hunt for the escaped kids while they become folk heroes. Pyatt starts selling merch with Billie Jean on it after the kids become even more famous for kidnapping Lloyd (Keith Gordon), the son of a politician named Muldaur (Dean Stockwell). Kidnapped is what they want the world to think, as she wants to use her new fame to get back the money she’s owed and be forgiven for their crimes. She also decides to shave her head, wear combat boots and be a militant heroine to young girls all over Texas, kind of like Connie Burns without a guitar.

This movie was called Fair Is Fair and man, they sure say that a lot in this. I kind of love it though and for everyone who complains about movies that have strong female heroines, well, guess what? This did it back in 1985. It also has a theme song — “Invincible” by Pat Benatar — and a great soundtrack with Billy Idol, Divinyls and Wendy O. Williams.

Director Matthew Robbins has had an amazing career. In addition to writing The Sugarland Express, The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings and MacArthur, he wrote and directed Corvette Summer, Dragonslayer and *Batteries Not Included. He was an uncredited writer on THX-1138, Jaws and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, which he worked on as a second unit director. As if that wasn’t enough, he also wrote Mimic, Crimson Peak and Pinocchio for Guillermo del Toro and even wrote several Bollywood films, including 7 Khoon Maaf and Rangoon.

The script was written by Mark Rosenthal and Lawrence Conner, who also wrote Sometimes They Come Back, The Jewel of the Nile, The Beverly Hillbillies, Mighty Joe Young, Planet of the Apes, Mona Lisa Smile, Flicka, Mercury Rising and  Superman IV: The Quest for Peace together.

The Partridge Inn in Augusta, Georgia is listed as a three-star hotel online. Part of the Curio Collection by Hilton, it’s one of the only hotels in Georgia to be a member of Historic Hotels of America and is the closest golf course to the famous Augusta National Golf Course. Built in 1890 as a modest two-story private residence, it was converted to an inn in 1910. In 1978, it was saved from demolition and reopened in 1987, then was renovated again in 2014.

As for the flooded basement in this movie, that’s actually the Family Y of Greater Augusta.

In Five Star Murder, the Patridge Inn is the five-star Libertine Grand Hotel, where we first meet some strange guests: Caroline (Damaris Lewis), who received a letter telling her who her father is and plans on flying to Spain the very next day; Harold (Ted Ferguson) and Joan Steele (Jill Jane Clements), an argumentative older couple; influencer Rose (Kimberly Blake) and her boyfriend Dylan (Darrell Snedeger), who are celebrating their one week anniversary and homeless by choice Quinn (Quinn Bozza), who just sold his shoes for some coffee.

Checking them in are the head of the hotel, Brianna (Rachel G. Whittle) and her assisted Marcos (Adam Ignacio). These guests would be bad enough if it wasn’t for the major storm coming in. As the hotel is buffeted by wind and heavy rains, everyone is evacuated, except for the above guests — who refuse to leave — and the two staff members.

And then the murders start.

The Libertine Grand Hotel was built by Louis Laurent, a genius who was inspired by “D’où venons-nous? Que sommes-nous? Où allons-nous?” (“Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?”), a painting by Paul Gauguin. Filled with themes such as the “contrast between enlightenment and superstitious, irrational, even barbaric traditions” and the cycle of birth and death, as well as what Gauguin called “The Beyond” — alert Fulci — this was a controversial work that upset people because of how obscure it was.

According to Vanity Fair, “When Gauguin embarked on this, his climactic work, in 1897, he was in pathetic shape, suffering from syphilis and such a serious case of suppurating eczema that the locals took him for a leper. This once prosperous part-Peruvian Parisian had ended up a penniless outcast; worse, his eyesight was beginning to fail. After being unable to paint for six months, he vowed to commit suicide. Before doing so, however, Gauguin was determined to create one last masterwork, into which, as he said, “I wanted to put … all my energy.””

The film says that he tried to kill himself after the painting, which is true. Or was he trying to get attention? As that same article says, “After finishing Where Do We Come From?, Gauguin decided to carry out his vow to kill himself. He claimed to have climbed up into the mountains, taken a huge dose of arsenic, and lain down to die in the hope that his body would be devoured by ants. Supposedly, the arsenic didn’t work; more likely, he never took any.”

As the film starts, Laurent takes arsenic in front of that painting — claimed to be the actual painting — and dies. That’s when we discover that people come to the hotel in the hopes of solving the puzzle box that its creator has made, hiding his fortune inside the penthouse.

Everyone is connected. Rose is Laurent’s niece, who wanted to get away from his rich shadow. Dylan, Quinn, Harold and Joan are all hunters. Brianna was dating Laurent and lost her marriage as a result. Even the heroine of the film, Caroline, ends up being the man’s daughter.

Directed by Jose Montesinos (The Soulmate Search, 5 Headed Shark Attack) and written by Chris Retts (Wade In the Water), Five Star Murder sets up a great storytelling engine and way of getting all of these characters into one place and then killing them off, one by one. It’s pretty entertaining and not just for a Tubi original.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Awakening was on the CBS Late Movie on October 31, 1986 and February 25, 1987.

Based on Bram Stoker’s The Jewel of Seven Stars — which was also filmed as an episode of Mystery and Imagination as “The Curse of the Mummy,” Hammer’s Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb and the 90s movie Bram Stoker’s The Mummy — this movie places Matthew Corbeck (Charlton Heston), his pregnant wife Anne (Jill Townsend) and his assistant Jane Turner (Susannah York) in Egypt searching for the tomb of Queen Kara. One could argue that the most exploring Matthew is doing is between the thighs of Jane, but there you go.

When you see a sign that says “Do Not Approach the Nameless One Lest Your Soul Be Withered,” you may want to turn back. Nope, Matthew goes in hard — again, much like with his assistant — while his wife goes into labor. She’s dropped off at a hospital so he can get back to digging and their stillborn child comes back to life once he unearths and opens a sarcophagus.

Eighteen years later and that daughter, Margaret (Stephanie Zimbalist) is looking for her father, who is now married to Jane and still obsessed with the mummy that he found. It’s being destroyed by bacteria, so he gets it sent to England so that he can save it. Of course, the mummy queen wants to be reincarnated inside his daughter, who starts to believe that she really is Queen Kara.

Directed by Mike Newell (who went on to direct Four Weddings and a Funeral and Donnie Brasco) and written by Clive Exton, Chris Bryant and Allan Scott, The Awakening is a big dumb mess, but I kind of like that sometimes. It was recut by Monte Hellman after Newell lost final cut.

The best thing I can say is that this was shot in Egypt with actual locations.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Matilda was on the CBS Late Movie on December 23, 1985.

When Melvin Simon Productions out up half the cash for this movie, they made nearly half a million in profit by selling the TV rights  to CBS for $2.5 million, foreign sales which went around $1.6 million and American-International Pictures paid an advance of $1.8 million on the movie.

The fact that anyone made any money on this upsets me to no end, because this is amongst the most terrifying movies I’ve ever seen. The decision to not use a real kangaroo and instead spend thirty grand on a suit with Gary Morgan in it will give me nightmares for the rest of my life.

At one point, my wife walked in as the kangaroo had been hit for the first time and started loudly screaming and she said, “Why would anyone watch this?”

I just sheepishly looked at her and she left the room.

Clive Revill plays Billy Baker, the Irish pub owner who somehow gets the ownership of the boxing kangaroo Matilda. He alone has the power to see you in the audience and will speak to you through the fourth wall twice in this movie.

Elliot Gould, who plays Bernie Bonnelli, the man who thinks he can make money off a boxing kangaroo, said of this movie, “When Al Ruddy wanted to buy back my position, my points in the picture, he offered me hundreds of thousands of dollars, which at that point I decided would be bad karma. That was bad judgment on my part.”

I have no idea why Karen Carlson’s character falls in love with him, but I am fascinated by the fact that this movie is filled with so many of my favorite actors: Lionel Stander, Robert Mitchum and even Roberta Collins. Even more amazingly, this came out the same year that Gould made The Silent Partner, so he wasn’t hurting for work.

It also gets Harry Guardino into another animal movie in the same year, as he would also be in Every Which Way But Loose, while Roy Clark takes a break from Hee-Haw to play Wild Bill Wildman.

Directed by Daniel Mann, yes, the same man who made Willard and Our Man Flint, this was written by Timothy Galfas, Paul Gallico and the aforementioned Ruddy. They made a movie that’s supposedly for kids but in which organized crime figures try to cut off the tail of a kangaroo and shameless promoter Gould makes the kangaroo literally do carny shoot boxing against marks in the audience. It’s upsetting, the suit is uncanny valley dead eye nightmare fuel for the rest of your life and, well, at least Mitchum and Gould got to smoke a joint together every day at lunch. I’d make any movie if I got to smoke with Mitchum, the star of one of my favorite movies of all time — The Night of the Hunter — and someone who seemed full of venom and hilarious stories with every interview I’ve ever read. Just don’t get in his way with your camera when he has a basketball in his hands.

References

1. Hidden Films. The Lesser Known (or Less Celebrated) Films of Elliot Gould (Part One)