JUNESPLOITATION: Treasure: In Search of the Golden Horse (1984)

June 14: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Free Space!

In August of 1979, Kit Williams published Masquerade, a book that had clues to the location of a jewelled golden hare that Williams had created and hidden somewhere in Britain. He had been challenged by publisher Tom Maschler to create an illustrated book that did something no one else had before. He made sixteen detailed paintings of the story of Jack Hare, who is taking a treasure from the Moon to the Sun. He loses the treasure, and the reader is asked to help him find it.

In a box that said, “I am the keeper of the jewel of Masquerade, which lies waiting safe inside me for you or eternity,” he buried a gold rabbit pendant with celebrity witness Bamber Gascoigne.

He said, “If I was to spend two years on the sixteen paintings for Masquerade I wanted them to mean something. I recalled how, as a child, I had come across “treasure hunts” in which the puzzles were not exciting nor the treasure worth finding. So I decided to make a real treasure, of gold, bury it in the ground and paint real puzzles to lead people to it. The key was to be Catherine of Aragon’s Cross at Ampthill, near Bedford, casting a shadow like the pointer of a sundial.”

Three years later, Williams received a letter containing a sketch with the solution from a man named Ken Thomas, whom the writer soon realized had made a lucky guess. After he was given the prize, physics teachers Mike Barker and John Rousseau wrote in with their answer, but had not found the prize. That’s because the rabbit’s box went unnoticed in the dirt they dug up; Thomas saw it and lucked into winning. According to Wikipedia, “It was later found that Thompson had not solved the puzzle and had guessed the hare’s location using insider knowledge obtained from a former acquaintance of Williams.”

Ken Thomas was really Dugald Thompson, and his business partner, John Guard, was the boyfriend of Veronica Robertson, who had previously been Williams’s girlfriend. Guard allegedly convinced Robertson to help him win the contest because he wanted the money donated to animal rights causes.

William wrote a sequel, The Bee on the Comb, and a video game, Hareraiser, with a jewel as a prize that was never found. Other books like this — this was a big success — included The Piper of Dreams, The Secret, The Golden Key, The Key to the KingdomOn the Trail of the Golden OwlThe Merlin Mystery, Forest Fenn’s The Thrill of the Chase: A Memoir and the movie/book we are talking about today, Treasure: In Search of the Golden Horse.

Published by Intravision, there was a movie directed by the man who came up with the idea, Sheldon Renan, and a book illustrated by Jean-Francois Podevin and published by Warner Books. A gold horse was the prize in this contest designed by Paul “Dr. Crypton” Hoffman, who was the president and editor-in-chief of Discovery magazine, president and publisher of Encyclopedia Britannica and the man who made the treasure map for Romancing the Stone.

Renan wrote the first book about underground movies, An Introduction to the American Underground Film and “The Blue Mouse and The Movie Experience,” an influential Film Comment article about how the Blue Mouse Theater in Portland went from Hollywood movies to grindhouse films. Wildly, he also directed The Killing of America, wrote Lambada and has been a speechwriter for every CEO of Xerox since 1990.

While IMDB says that cinematographer Hilyard John Brown (also a cameraman on This Is Spinal Tap and Solomon King) came up with the idea of a film with treasure — but “opted out of working on the film because director Sheldon Renan wanted a lot of helicopter shooting, and Brown had had too many close calls in helicopters” — every other article I have found says that this was Renan’s project.

You know who did shoot this? Hanania Baer, who was also the cinematographer for American NinjaMasters of the UniverseErnest Scared StupidNight PatrolBreakin’ 2Ninja 3UFOs Are Real and so many more, and Dennis Matsuda, a cameraman on HotlinePoltergeistRaising Arizona and Stand By Your Man.

The movie is about a girl (Dory Dean) trying to find her father and her lost horse, Treasure (Galahas). She’s helped by Mr. Maps (Elisha Cook Jr., Mr. Nicklas in Rosemary’s Baby), a blacksmith (John Melanson, who was an actual blacksmith and is also the Man with the Black Gloves), a sushi chef (Yasumasa Adachi), Mr. Night Music (Herman Sherman), Dream Dancers and the Ghost Party, all narrated by Richard Lynch. Yes, Richard Lynch, who says things like “The city. It was no place to find a horse. Not her horse. She knew that roads that started in the city led in all directions. How could she leave the city and find the right direction?”

This came out during the early console video game era, and there was also going to be a Colecovision game. A silver horse was buried and is still there, as the puzzle to find it never got made.

My dad was obsessed with this book, staring at it in B. Dalton and wondering how to solve it. We couldn’t afford it, so he would sit on the floor and draw sketches of it. No one won, and the prize money was given to Big Brothers and Big Sisters. Seven months after the contest was over, Nick Boone and Anthony Castaneda discovered where the horse was with the Captain Nemo solution.

You can watch this on YouTube.

JUNESPLOITATION: Rose Blood: A Friday the 13th Fan Film (2021)

June 13: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Friday the 13th! 

We’re decades away from the last official Friday the 13th movie, and we’ll see numerous Michael Myers reimaginings before we ever get back to Crystal Lake. Thank all the fan movies that are working to fill this space, especially good ones like this.

Until Horror Inc. and Victor Miller settle the lawsuit—or whatever has kept Jason dead for 16 years—we can thank director and writer Peter Anthony for this movie.

A direct sequel to Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, this finds Tina Shepherd (Lar Park-Lincoln, reprising the role, at some points in the story; Jessica Hottman is the younger version) kept as a prisoner in the Crystal Lake Research Facility, being studied by General Brackbower (Anthony) and his team of scientists, which includes The Duke (Jequient Broaden), who is obviously Creighton Duke. There’s also a team of mercenaries — FAAST (Forward Assault Anomaly Strike Team) — on hand to guard new prisoner Rose (Sanae Loutsis), who is even more powerful than Tina.

The goal of the military is to use Rose’s power to bring back Jason Voorhees and make him a soldier for the U.S. Army. That takes the first hour of the movie, so if you’re not patient, you may dislike this. If you’re a fan of the series, you’ll love it, as it’s filled with moments from 7, 8, 9 and Jason X.

At the close, there’s a fan service moment that you’re either going to love or hate. I loved the whatever can happen will happen notion of all this, as well as the inventive kills that transform the movie from psychic girl movie back to a Jason movie. It’s well done, and this was worlds better than I had ever imagined it could be. It doesn’t look like a fan film. Instead, it looks better than most microbudget horror movies that I watch.

You can watch this on YouTube. You can also buy it here.

JUNESPLOITATION: Battle Royale High School (1987)

June 12: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Cartoons!

Back in the pre-Internet days of buying fifth-generation VHS dubs at conventions, Battle Royale High School was one of the first anime I owned. There were no subs or dubs—just demons and karate while wearing a Tiger Mask.

Based on the Shin’ichi Kuruma manga Majinden (Legend of the Demons), this starts with high school asskicker Riki Hyōdo, who loves to fight. He’s also the chosen body for Lord Byōdo, demon king of the Dark Realm, who comes to Earth to challenge him. There’s also Space-Time Continuum Inspector Zankan, a robotic man who has come to protect reality from the demon, and Toshimitsu Yūki, a student who knows how to fight these dark creatures.

They all face Fairy Master Kain, who has started to take over the bodies of students and attack others, like Megumi Koyama, who is in love with Riki.

As you can imagine, a 50-minute adaptation of a long-running manga leaves a ton out. Director and writer Ichirô Itano worked on tons of famous anime, including Fist of the North Star, Violence Jack, Tekkaman BladeGantz and started as an in-between artist on stuff like Galaxy Express 999 and Farewell to Space Battleship Yamato: Warriors of Love before graduating to being an animator on Mobile Suit Gundam. Today, he designs kaiju for anime like SSSS.Dynazenon and SSSS.Gridman.

This is the kind of movie that has a woman explode all over the hero, then he rebuilds her from a gore-filled mess and says, “Nice tits.” You can only guess how much 15-year-old me loved this.

You can watch this on YouTube.

JUNESPLOITATION: One Man’s Justice (1995)

June 11: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is ‘90s Action!

I’m the biggest fan of Stone Cold, so I hoped this movie would have the same insanity as Brian Bosworth’s more famous action film. Sadly, no.

This time, rogue FBI agent Karl Savak (Bruce Payne) is selling weapons to our enemies and one of his henchmen, Marcus (Jeff Kober) kills the wife (Deborah Worthing) and daughter (Rachel Duncan) of soldier John North (Bosworth). This is also known as One Tough Bastard, which is appropriate because North survives being shot multiple times and gets his own justice.

Kurt Wimmer (Equilibrium) started his directing here, even if he was removed and replaced by producer Kurt Anderson, who also directed Martial Law II: UndercoverMartial Outlaw and Dead Cold. This was written by Steve Selling, his only writing credit on IMDB.

There’s also M.C. Hammer as nasty dude Dexter Kane and DeJuan Guy from Candyman as a kid who becomes Boz’s sidekick. Yes, a movie where we want to watch Bosworth kill everyone, and he ends up having a kid help him. This is not what anyone wants to see. As good as Payne and Kober are in this, Bosworth’s fights feel like late-era Dusty Rhodes, standing in the center of the ring while his opponents pinball and feed back into him, taking his slow-motion offense and bionic elbows. It feels like going through the motions when I wanted more.

You can watch this on YouTube.

JUNESPLOITATION: Girl With the Red Lips (1986)

June 10: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Jess Franco!

I am down to 187 of 206 Jess Franco movies, using this list on Letterboxd. What’s left?

  • Claire
  • Las Tribulaciones de un Buda Bizco
  • Las Chuponas
  • Lola 2000
  • The Tree from Spain
  • Las playas vacias
  • Oro espanol
  • Estampas guipuzcoanas número 2: Pío Baroja
  • El destierro del Cid
  • A Man, Eight Girls
  • El misterio del castillo rojo
  • El huésped de la niebla
  • Voces de muerte
  • Sida, la peste del siglo XX
  • In Pursuit of Barbara
  • El abuelo, la condesa y Escarlata la traviesa
  • Montes de Venus
  • Lascivia

Several of these movies may have never been made. Many could be lost.

That said, Jess Franco sure liked making the same movie over and over again with some variations.

La chica de los labios rojos is in the same world as Kiss Me MonsterRed Lips, Two Undercover Angels, Red LipsTwo Spies In Flowered Panties and Red Silk. There’s either one or two spy girls in these movies, as well as diamond theft. Jess was big on diamonds being stolen. I love him for this.

Terry Morgan (Lina Romay, who else?) is our heroine, Al Pereira (Antonio Mayans) shows up, Jess has a cameo as Professor Karame and yes, there is a Jess Franco cinematic universe. Somehow, only 29 people have seen this on Letterboxd and 56 on IMDB. Can you imagine this? Is it because I had to go to DVD Lady to get this? That’s where my mania is, paying people $12 for low-quality files of Jess and Bruno Mattei movies so I can cross them off my list.

rllr on Mubi said: “Another “Red Lips” sequel, but this time the characters explain the film through non-stop dialogue. Boring exposition from start to finish. Like some other ’80s films from Franco, I can’t really see ANYTHING remotely interesting to ANYONE, but probably some freak “had a good time with it”.”

Yes, I am triggered.

I watch these movies, however, I can get them and at whatever quality they exist in. You can’t get these in pristine 4K — give Severin time — and so you just have to be happy with things you can barely see, but then Lina Romay’s eyes and smile call out to you through the multi-dub haze and tell you it’s all going to be OK. Sure, your 401K is ruined, you’ll work hard until the day you die and not many people will miss what you’ve left behind — thousands of diatribes about movies under a hundred people even care about — but damn it, she and Jess Franco found one another and built a love story around how much he enjoyed zooming his camera into her lady parts and he won a lifetime achievement ward in Spain, which thrills me every time I think about it. Oh you magical ghost of Lina, captured like amber, smiling back at me, saying that for now, it will all be alright. For now, I will watch you hop into beds with strange men and steal diamonds and leave behind notes in lipstick on their mirrors.

JUNESPLOITATION: The Girl from Starship Venus (1975)

June 9: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Free Space!

Hey Derek Ford, thanks for making this movie, which is also called The Sexplorer. Man, it’s as scummy as I would expect from you.

Monika Ringwald AKA Marilyn Rickard was in Satan’s Slave and British men’s magazines like Witchcraft and Health and Efficiency. Here she’s a girl from Venus who has come to our planet to explore, which leads her to a gym with naked people, an adult movie theater, a wedding and a balloon room, all guided by the voiceover of her leader.

Mark Jones would one day be an Imperial Officer, but he plays Lecher here. Prudence Drage would be the handmaiden in the Bible fantasy in A Clockwork Orange, but she was also in two of the Adventures of… movies, Virgin Witch and Eskimo Nell. Tanya Ferova played a stripper in this and Terror. Juliet Groves was also in Naughty Girls and Keep It Up, Jack, which also had Veronica Peters, who posed for plenty of men’s magazines in addition to being in this.

When this came to America, pun not intended, it had inserts.

JUNESPLOITATION: The Doberman Gang (1972)

June 8: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Heists!

Dillinger, Bonnie, Clyde, Pretty Boy Floyd, Baby Face Nelson and Ma Barker are the Doberman Gang, six Dobermans who join the gang of Eddie Newton (Byron Mabe), Sammy (Simmy Bow), June (Julie Parrish) and former Air Force dog trainer Barney Greer (Hal Reed). Oh yes — there’s also a bulldog named J. Edgar.

Eddie and June have been a couple, but she soon sees that he could throw her away at any time. She starts getting close to Barney, who soon learns that this is a criminal plan to train these dogs. He’s told that he’ll be killed if he tries to get away, so he works with them in the hopes that he can save the dogs and June. But he soon has second thoughts when he learns that the dogs will be killed.

Good boys. J. Edgar gets them to run off with the money. The bad news is that one of the dogs was hit by a car, and I could have done without that part. Except that in the sequel, The Daring Dobermans, that dog is fine. Whew.

There are also two more movies in the series, The Amazing Dobermans and Alex and the Doberman Gang.

I didn’t have to worry so much, as this was the first movie to have the “No Animals Were Harmed” onscreen credit from the American Humane Association.

This was directed by Byron Ross Chudnow and written by Louis Garfinkle, who also wrote I Bury the Living, Face of FireThe HellbendersLittle Cigars and The Deer Hunter—yeah, I know, wow—and Frank Ray Perilli, who wrote Mansion of the Doomed, the Michael Pataki adult CinderellaEnd of the WorldDracula’s Dog, the adult Fairy TalesLaserblastThe Best of Sex and Violence and co-wrote Alligator with John Sayles.

Dimension Pictures played this as a double feature with The Twilight People. I love that!

Image from Mike’s Take On the Movies.

JUNESPLOITATION: Thrilling Bloody Sword (1981)

June 7: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Kung Fu!

Directed and co-written — is unleashed a better word? — by Hsin-Yi Chang (Snake In the Eagle’s Shadow 2Kung-Fu Commandos), Thrilling Bloody Sword is a movie that can only be described by a run-on sentence of a paragraph: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves meets Russian adventure film plus Hong Kong wuxia with effects and colors that are a blend of Shaw Brothers horror, Mario Bava wizardry and cardboard magic, all infused with moments that would seem low tech even in the days of Georges Méliès while ideas and music are openly stolen in the ways of Bruno Mattei and Godfrey Ho, plus fighting bears, paper mâché demons, more borrowing from Flash Gordon than Star Wars, swords that shoot other swords, a BDSM costume for its heroic Prince that would have Chang Cheh wondering, “Is that too femme?” and a comet impregnanting a queen.

You know how when people talk up a movie and it never lives up to everything they’re telling you? This is not that movie.

Yaur-gi (Fong Fong-Fong) is the girl born from that comet, a princess to the King and Queen, who dies giving birth to a Cronenberg-esque lump with a beating heart. The King wants nothing to do with that “little ball of flesh” and sends her, like Moses, down the river where the seven dwarves find her. Prince Yur-juhn (Lau Seung-Him) falls in love with her and has to prove himself to the King, the same one who sent his daughter in a boat to her doom. That same dumb leader also has hired two magicians, Gi-err (Elsa Yeung Wai-San) and Shiah-ker (Chang Yi), to get all the demons out of his country. The problem is that they are collecting those demonic guys and getting ready to take over, as they also pray to a Satanic figure by the name of Spirit Ah-Ua.

Don’t worry, our heroes have a fairy who used to be a rabbit and a super magic user with a butt for a head to help them out. And the dwarves used to be generals who were shrunk down but could still fight. And fart. But mostly fight.

Yaur-gi is saved by the Prince, and she falls in love with him, but he’s off fighting a nine-headed dragon. When Yaur-gi comes to meet him after he defeats the monster, he’s turned into a bear and runs into the woods. So they put him in a barrel filled with healing chemicals, and he gets that really wild armor that looks like either something a bad guy feuding with Jushin “Thunder” Liger would wear or something out of an Italian peplum.

There are also literally hundreds of fights and a Magic Monster who lives in a coffin box like those Robobeast toys that Panosh Place put out for Voltron. What follows after this is a multiple sword battle with crystal, laser and shooting swords, people flying around on wires and music stolen from various movies, including Battlestar Galactica.

If that doesn’t make you love this, the production company was named Lusty Electric Industries.

Remember when Jademan Comics — man, the references in this one, sorry — and they were so strange and fascinating? This is even beyond that, a movie that cannot seemingly quit being weird, and it’s barely 80 minutes. Most films would not even go so far as to have a woman give birth to a thing after a comet hits her in the belly, but that’s where this starts. The highest and dankest movie drugs of all time. 999,999 stars out of 5.

Get this from Gold Ninja Video. Seriously, I will post a low-quality video link online, but you need to buy this.

JUNESPLOITATION: Il ficcanaso (1981)

June 6: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is giallo!

My Letterboxd list of Giallo movies is at 498, so I am running out of movies to watch and ones that are easy to find. Instead of diving into the world of erotic thrillers, I sought out Il Ficcanaso (The Nosy One).

Pippo Franco is usually in comedies, and this is really no different. He plays Luciano Persichetti, a man haunted by a killer known as The Guardian Angel. Well, that name doesn’t really give you an idea of how frightening the masked lunatic is.

After getting phone calls from the killer, a dead body is found in his apartment and the cops think he could be the murderer. Also: Pippo’s character is psychic.

Directed by Bruno Corbucci, the man who brought us Miami SupercopsAladdinWhen Men Carried Clubs and Women Played Ding-DongLa casa stregataThe Cop In Blue Jeans and many more, and written by an entire room of people that included Aldo Florio, Mariano Laurenti, Sergio Martino, Raimondo Vianello, Aldo Grimaldi, Sandro Continenza, Corbucci and Franco, this is a comedy giallo that has way too many characters in it, but the girl that the protagonist is in love with, Susanna Luisetti, is played by Edwige Fenech. She realizes that this movie needs some help and has two nude scenes, adding literally every star in the firmament of heaven to the proceedings.

There’s also a scene where Pippo goes to the theater and watches City of the Living Dead! The bad guy also tries to kill him with a sewing machine, kind of like Goldfinger. For an Italian comedy, it’s actually good. I was surprised by this.

You can watch this on YouTube.

JUNESPLOITATION: Fantaghiro (1991)

June 5: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Magic!

Lamberto Bava worked on a lot of TV, and instead of just horror, he had plenty of success with this series of films. Based on Italo Calvino’s short story “Fanta-Ghiro the Beautiful,” Bava also borrowed from movies like Legend, Ladyhawke, Willow, Disney cartoons and the fantasy films of his childhood.

It was lucky for all concerned that because the movie was so expensive, it ended up becoming a mini-series—it also aired as a 200-minute compilation, La meravigliosa storia di Fantaghirò and as forty episodes for its twentieth anniversary—and was a big success to the level that it had a cartoon that Bava co-wrote and even a theme restaurant.

Fantaghirò (Alessandra Martines) is one of three princesses born to the King (Mario Adorf). While Catherine (Ornella Marcucci) and Caroline (Kateřina Brožová) act like proper royalty, our heroine is rebellious, well-read and yearns for battle. She’s been training with a White Knight (Ángela Molina) somewhere in the forest and meets the enemy her father has been fighting for years, Romualdo (Kim Rossi Stuart), and he falls for her because of her eyes.

The problem is that he’s challenged her father to a duel, and he plans on sending his daughters, as the White Witch (also Molina) warned him that one of the girls can defeat Romualdo. Catherine and Caroline hate every moment, and Fantaghirò goes into battle alone. She defeats her enemy but can’t bring herself to kill him; her father allows him to keep his kingdom as long as he marries one of his daughters. You can figure out what happens next.

The second movie introduced the big bad for this series of films: Black Witch (Brigitte Nielsen). But that’s another story.

Supposedly, there’s a Disney+ remake coming. It was news to Bava, who told Super Guida TV, “I read it in the newspapers a few months ago, but nobody told me about it, and nobody asked me to cooperate. If they want to make a great Italian production, that’s fine, but if they want to re-propose the same characters, that was our lot because Calvino’s fairy tale is only four pages long.”

You can watch this on YouTube.