Kindergarten Cop 2 (2016)
Don Michael Paul has made a ton of sequels like Jarhead 2: Field of Fire, Sniper: Legacy, Tremors 5: Bloodlines, Sniper: Ghost Shooter, Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell, Death Race: Beyond Anarchy, The Scorpion King: Book of Souls, Jarhead: Law of Return, Bulletproof 2 and Tremors: Shrieker Island. So if Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t want to be Detective John Kimble anymore, I guess you get […]
The Birds II: Land’s End (1994)
Look, I don’t write these articles to beat up on movies, but this is like shooting dead pigeons in a barrel. Some facts: Rather than playing Melanie from Hitchcock’s The Birds, Tippi Hedrin plays Helen, the owner of a local store that knows all about the birds and remembers the events of the original. Why is […]
Warlock III: The End of Innocence (1999)
With apologies to Don Henley: Remember when Julian Sands was Warlock And made lots of Christians die? Didn’t have a care in the world With Satan as his daddy standing by Cutting out Mary Woronov’s eyes And making Lori Singer look all old But this time, there’s one small detail Since Julian Sands had to […]
Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction (2006)
You may notice that so many of the sequels we’ve covered this week are past their expiration date. By that, I mean the time to make a sequel to Basic Instinct was a few years after that one came out in 1992, not in 2006. You may also remember that so many of these movies are […]
A Wiseguy Christmas (2021)
After watching this movie, I have some slim inkling of how African-Americans may have felt after hearing Amos ‘n Andy on the radio. I mean, sure, I’m only half Italian. I’m also half Polish, which means I made myself an offer I couldn’t understand, but after hearing the incredibly loud and near braying Italian accent of […]
Warlock: The Armageddon (1993)
Did you know that Druids have stopped the rise of Satan’s son using six magical rune stones that create light to vanquish the darkness since, well, the beginning of everything? While the Druids perform a ritual upon a woman Satan has selected to be his concubine, Christians who feel their work is Satanic kill them […]
The Magical Christmas Tree (2021)
The first ever non-binary led Christmas film, this is the story of Pace (Socks Whitmore, an agender/gender non-conforming singer, voice and stage actor, lyricist-composer and writer), who is sent on an adventure to find a tree by her boss, who was once mean but has now been visited by not just three ghosts of Christmas […]
Midget Santas Are Our Superiors (2003)
All this movie has going for it is a great title, box art and idea. A creepy Santa doll is possessed, has an Irish accent and kills a whole bunch of people in the summer. All of the editing is done in-camera, the quality is the level of a birthday party shot by a drunken […]
Warlock (1989)
Steve Miner is a secret success story, between directing Friday the 13th Part 2, Friday the 13th Part III, House and yeah, sure, Lake Placid and Halloween H20. Here, he’s working from a script from Pitch Black creator David Twohy and telling the story of a male witch who has come to our time to destroy our […]
Trees 2: The Root of All Evil (2004)
Trees was Jaws, substituting Sheriff Cody for Brody], botanist Max Cooper for oceanographer Matt Hooper and lumberjack named Squint for, you already yelled it out, Quint. But hey — there’s certainly a sequel in here, as Ranger Cody goes to live in a resort town that is soon battling an army of government-created genetically enhanced trees […]
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