How are more people not talking about this, a film that has Mickey Rourke as death itself inside a theater that shows the ways that people expire? It’s got direction from Alejandro Brugués (Juan of the Dead), Ryûhei Kitamura (Versus), David Slade (30 Days of Night), Mick Garris (Sleepwalkers) and Joe Dante (and if I have to tell you his movies…I really hope I don’t have to) and people still aren’t getting obsessed about this?
“The Thing in the Woods” may be a simple retelling of slasher films, but Dante’s “Mirari” is really filled with dread as well as Richard Chamberlain and Belinda Balaski. Kitamura’s “Mashit” goes all School of the Holy Beast with a tale of demonic possession and perversion amongst Catholic schoolgirls. Slades “This Way to Egress” stumbles a bit in a story of a woman hallucinating as she waits for the doctor, while “Dead” and the connecting story by Garris have a young boy against impossible odds.
A couple of weeks ago, someone asked me, “What makes Mick Garris a Master of Horror?” I’m still struggling to figure out the answer and this movie certainly didn’t help me, as his segments were the worst parts of this. He does seem like a nice guy though.
Produced, written and directed by Sean Hogan, Andrew Parkinson and Simon Rumley, Little Deaths lives up to its title by being a sex and violence filled anthology.
Hogan’s “House and Home” concerns a couple that keeps kidnapping homeless women under the cover of charity and then use them up as playthings. Yet when they pick Sorrow, they soon learn they’ve picked the wrong woman.
In Parkinson’s “Mutant Tool,” a sex worker starts to see visions after starting drug rehab. That’s because she’s been connected to a mutant captive of the doctor whose mental emissions create hallucinations. By the end of this body horror story, she’s, well, grown a new mutant tool that the doctor starts to harvest.
Rumley’s “Bitch” tells the tale of a couple whose BDSM sex life includes her making him live like a dog due to her hatred of canines. After she cucks him despite his struggles to improve their relationship, he does what any of us would by training a pack of feral dogs to destroy her. To be honest, the end makes little to no sense as I wouldn’t see Claire suddenly switching from being dominant, but the story needed to work out that way one supposes.
If you have an issue with sex mixed with violence or with the way men view sex with violence, perhaps you should stay away from this. The idea of a sex and violence themed portmanteau is a good thought, even if this movie doesn’t live up to the promise.
As bad as most modern horror anthologies are, The Mortuary Collection makes a real case for the future of these movies, even if it borrows some of its narrative device from Tales from the Hood.
Ryan Spindell made The Babysitter Murders — I mean, if you’re going to take a title, take it from one that makes horror fans recognize that you get it — which is part of this story. The framing is all about Sam (Caitlin Custer) who has come to Raven’s End Mortuary to ask for a job from its owner, Montgomery Dark (Clancy Brown).
He takes her through the coffins inside, telling her how each of the bodies got there. The first story is simple — a thief discovers a monster — and nearly made me stop watching this, as I worried that this would follow the example of other modern portmanteau films with stories that abruptly end and have no real narrative steam.
I’m happy that I stayed with this movie.
In “Unprotected,” a college man tries to take advantage of the woke nature of his classmates. When he finally scores his next conquest, Sandra, and takes off his condom, which leads to her making him pregnant. This is a quick and simple story, yet well-structured and filled with some disquieting imagery.
“Till Death” has a husband trying to get rid of his catatonic wife with increasingly gory and unsuccessful efforts. Ironically, the movie then has Sam demand that the stories become less about simple comeuppance. Montgomery takes Sam to the mortuary subbasement and prepares to cremate a child-size coffin. Sam then tells him she’s not here for a job. She’s here for the dead child and has a story to tell.
This is where “The Babysitter Murders” fits into the story, revealing that Sam is a killer of children. She attempts to use the bones of the kids to kill the mortician, but her victims tear her apart. He sews her together and uses embalming fluid as her blood, making her the new owner of the funeral home as he steps into the sun and turns into dust.
With films like this and Ghost Stories, the future of this subgenre of horror feels like it has a chance.
Most folks only know EC Comics for Tales from the Crypt — OK, maybe MAD Magazine — but the truth is, there were a ton of other titles that that venerable publisher released. Just in the horror realm, they also had the Vault of Horror (yes, there was an Amicus film with that title) and Crypt of Terror. But there was also Weird Fantasy, Weird Science, Crime SuspenStories, Shock SuspenStories, Frontline Combat, Piracy, Weird Science-Fantasy and even the New Direction post-Comics Code books Impact, Valor, Extra!, Aces High, Psychoanalysis, M.D. and Incredible Science Fiction.
I’ve been surprised that none of these other EC Comics ever got a movie or series until I learned about Two-Fisted Tales.
Strangely enough, as Harvey Kurtzman was the editor of the book, these war stories didn’t always follow their title and often had a very anti-war prejudice. Kurtzman had been drafted in 1942 and knew the horrors of war first-hand. As he saw the other war comics on the news racks, he was upset by how much they glorified war. He saw no heroes in his stories, only people trapped in situations beyond their control. He would later comment in The Complete EC Library: Two-Fisted Tales Volume 1, “Nobody had done anything on the depressing aspects of war, and this, to me, was such a dumb—it was a terrible disservice to the children.”
I guess no one explained that to anyone who worked on this show.
In 1991, a TV pilot was put together by producers Joel Silver, Richard Donner and Robert Zemeckis. Other than using the logo and some of the art in the opening, that’s pretty much all that feels like the comic. Instead, this is very similar to Tales from the Crypt, with William Sadler played Mr. Rush, a violent man who connects all of the stories.
“Showdown” was written by Frank Darabont and directed by Richard Donner is the story of a gunfighter’s last stand. “King of the Road,” written by Randall Jahnson and directed by Tom Holland, is about a drag racer’s past coming to haunt him. Brad Pitt appears in the one. And “Yellow,” written by Jim Thomas, John Thomas, A. L. Katz and Gilbert Adler and directed by Robert Zemeckis is about a soldier who keeps letting down his military man father. It’s the best episode in here, with great acting by Kirk and Eric Douglas, Lance Henriksen and Dan Aykroyd.
Of the three, “Yellow” is the only one based on an EC Comics story, as it was taken from the first issue of Shock SuspenStories and was written by Al Feldstein and illustrated by Jack Davis.
Sadly, this was a letdown and after one airing, the three episodes all appeared as part of Tales from the Crypt. I was always upset when the show didn’t use the material it was based on. This is really no different, but the last tale is tense and brutal, a rare Zemeckis-directed story that isn’t overly dependent on special effects.
“Renowned producer and film executive Charlie Band has produced a welter of movies over the years for many different companies; Empire Pictures and Full Moon are just a couple of the production companies that have been led by the irrepressible Band. Now he is back with the Forbidden Worlds imprint, offering fare such as Possessed, which centers around some ghoulish themes that should be familiar to all Bandophiles.”
Here’s the truth: these are re-released films that you may have already bought or watched.
“The Devil’s Spell” is really 1999’s Witchouse, brought back and re-edited down to just thirty minutes. David DeCoteau directed this tale where a witch brings back the modern versions of those who wronged her to get some payback. Look, any time you go to a party and someone pulls back a carpet to reveal a pentagram, something not good is about to happen.
“Witches’ Dolls” is 2001’s Stitches, a Neal Marshall Stevens film that was the original script for Witchousethat was changed up after the producers decided that they wanted a movie closer to Night of the Demons. It does have one very upsetting scene where the villain asks a man to unstitch the skin on her back to reveal her demonic look.
“Resurrection of the Damned” is 1992’s Netherworld, a movie directed by David Schmoeller. He was also the man who made Tourist Trap and Puppet Master, Schmoeller has an interesting background, as he studied theater with Alejandro Jodorowsky and was mentored in film by legendary director Luis Buñuel. This is the story of a young man whose discovers that inside his father’s mansion in Louisiana a secretive cult is using winged creatures to raise the dead. Making this even better is that Anjanette Comer (The Baby) shows up.
You may have seen all of these before. If not, head to Tubi to check out this anthology mixtape of past fims from band’s many studios.
Yes, there are two movies called Campfire Tales. One was made in 1991 and the other in 1997. They are both anthology films. They both start with the urban legend “The Hook.” One has Amy Smart and James Marsden. The other has Gunnar Hansen, which is why we picked the 1991 Campfire Tales.
Yes, life is weird that this type of coincidence would happen.
“The Hook” is a story that has been told around campfires for years: a murderer with a hook on his right hand has escaped from the local insane asylum and is killing boys and girls on lover’s lane. This story really started being told nationwide in 1950 and some believe that they were influenced by the 1946 Texarkana Moonlight Murders, which also are the inspiration behind The Town That Dreaded Sundown. Bill Murray also tells the story at one point in Meatballs and the story also inspired the beginning of He Knows You’re Alone and the killer inI Know What You Did Last Summer.
None of those adaptions have the hook killer murder the girl’s parents or have her use his own weapon against him, however.
The second story — “Overtoke” — warns of the evils of drugs with a dealer’s product not only being the stickiest bud of all time but one that turns users into slime. “The Fright Before Christmas” has a very easy concept: Santa Claus has an evil side called Satan Claus who punishes people on Christmas. Finally, “Skull and Crossbones” has a shipwrecked pirate that discovers gold and zombies on an island. And by zombies, I mean straight up Fulci zombies. Or zombis?
“The Hook” was a student film that writer/director team William Cooke and Paul Talbot filmed. Then they added the other tales, hired Hansen for some name recognition and took advantage of the Shot On Video era. They’d work together again to make Freakshow, which also has Hansen in it, and Talbot would make the portmanteau in prison Hellblock 13, which has Hansen as an executioner and Debbie Rochon as the death row inmate telling the three stories.
Scarlet Fry — Walter Ruether — was 19 when he wrote, directed and starred in this anthology movie. It has Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby’s Got Back” in the middle of a movie that feels nu metal before that was a thing, which kind of wildly non matchy-matchy.
Somehow, they got six stories into twenty-six minutes, none of them all that good. But hey, Scarlet Fry tried. I mean, as much as a tale where a lumberjack eats a human being and the title is “Manwich.”
Look, I’m all for shot on video junk but even I have my limits. You may feel differently and I’d love to hear what people love about this film, because it even got a twenty-fifth anniversary release on DVD.
This feels like the kind of movie that sat on the shelves of a video store just waiting to surprise attack people that rented it and somehow thought that it was a real movie. I mean, it is a real movie in the thought that it was sold and has credits and appears to be a movie. But you know what I’m saying.
The Willies has a cast that makes you keep into the movie. I mean, Sean Astin is one of three kids gathered around the campfire — Jason Horst and Joshua John Miller from Near Dark are the other two — telling urban legends like the old woman who microwaved her dog, a rat in fried chicken and death in an amusement park. Michael then says that he has a story that will give them all…The Willies.
In “Bad Apples,” Kathleen Freeman plays to type as the mean teacher and James Karen shows up as a kindly custodian, the only person who really cares about Danny, a bullied child. As things happen, Karen ends up being an alien who loves to eat bad kids. This segment as actually a short that writer and director Brian Peck (Victor from The Last American Virgin and Scuz from Return of the Living Dead) made in 1985.
In “Flyboy,” Gordy Belcher plays insect pranks on other kids before running into Farmer Spivey, who has super manure that can grow things faster. Of course, this all ends up with Gordy getting his arms torn off by super flies.
At the end, Kyle and Josh claim that their uncle can prove the stories are true. Well, he ends up being James Karen and he reveals the monster face from the first story.
The Willies also has cameos from Kirk Cameron, his wife Chelsea Noble, Tracey Gold and Jeremy Miller which almost makes this an episode of Growing Pains. Perhaps more exciting are appearances by Clu Gulager, Dana Ashbrook and even comedian Doug Benson.
This movie was for kids and is dark in ways that modern horror is not. I think 1990 was the last gasp of things getting to be this weird. The poster is super high quality and really feels like the style of art that slip cases and Fright Rags use today.
Man, I’ve just spent about a week watching these Full Moon cut down remixes — taking full-length movies and shortening them to thirty minutes each with no connecting story, no concerns about aspect ratios and really no care at all toward quality — and then will be spending another week doing even more Full Moon movies. My OCD and ADHD are paying off for you, dear reader, so I can see how many of these movies I can cross off my list.
“Protectors” is really 2009’s Skull Heads AKA Devious, which was written, produced and directed by Charles Band. It stats with cute little Naomi Arkoff (Robin Sydney, who seems to be in nearly every 2000s Full Moon movie) being is tortured on a rack by her father Carver (Power Rangers voiceover artist Steve Kramer) for having a cell phone. Supposedly, a bunch of filmmakers are trying to get into the Arkoff home to make a movie, but they really want to steal some artwork. Luckily, the house is protected by the Skull Heads, which are — if you know Charles Band like I know Charles Band — little tiny killers.
“Worry Dolls” is 2008’s Dangerous Worry Dolls and I have to give this one credit for not only being a movie with killer dolls, but for being a women in prison movie unafraid to have an evil trans guard get pegging by our heroine once she unleashes the tiny little worry doll that has burrowed its way into her brain. Yes, Eva (Jessica Morris, who has 115 IMDB credits and will probably have 119 when I look back tomorrow) may be abused by every woman in the prison, forced by that aforementioned guard into doing amateur pornography and continually creeped on by the warden, but once she lies down at night and the dolls go inside her ear and then out of the middle of her forehead, things get much better for her.
“Dangerous Toys” is not just a band from the 80s, but also the last chapter which is really Dollman vs. Demonic Toys, which was a pretty big movie at the time of its release. Band really pushes the idea of a Full Moon universe here, as recycled footage from Dollman, Demonic Toys and Bad Channels ended up making a whole new film. Yes, Brick Bardo (Tim Thomerson) from Dollman, Nurse Ginger (Melissa Behr) who was shrunk in Bad Channels and Judith Grey (Tracy Scoggins) from Demonic Toys all get together to battle Baby Oopsy Daisy, Jack Attack, Mr. Static and the evil G.I. Joe called Zombietoid. The best part of this one being cut down so much is that all of the flashbacks have also been removed.
I’d give this one a solid review as it definitely made me want to watch the full versions of each film. I think that that is more due to the originals than anything this cut and paste treatment did to improve their stories.
You may say, “This title sounds a lot like Amicus’ Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors.” The studio and their lawyers felt the same way, as this movie was forced to change its title, which means that it played under the other names Return from the Past, The Blood Suckers, Alien Massacre, Gallery of Horror and The Witch’s Clock.
It was directed by David L. Hewitt, who went from working in a traveling spook show to making movies like The Wizard of Mars, Monsters Crash the Pajama Party, The Mighty Gorga and The Girls from Thunder Strip. He wrote the script, basing it on stories by Russ Jones, who created Creepy. Jones also plays a man killed by a mob and a corpse back from the dead, even creating his own makeup.
“The Witches Clock” is the only story with lead actor John Carradine in it — he also narrates — and tells the story of a couple buying a Salem mansion with a haunted clock that has the power to bring the dead back to life. It has a pretty great conclusion, as the entire house and everyone in the story is set on fire, with Carradine’s character coming back to start the cycle all over again with a new family.
“King of the Vampires” features Scotland Yard against a bloodsucker. There’s a pretty forward thinking close here as well with the police unable to wrap their minds around the fact that the killer just might not be a man.
“Monster Raid” isn’t as good as the first two stories, as it’s a simple back from the dead to get revenge on a conniving wife story.
“The Spark of Life” lives up to its name, as Lon Chaney Jr. is a scientist who gets two students to help him bring a man back from the dead. However, their experiment isn’t a success because that man was a murderer and he may have been better dead.
“Count Alucard” pits Dracula against Harker (one of several roles in this movie for Roger Gentry), a vampire hater with a secret.
This movie does something amazing: it steals from Roger Corman, who usually steals from himself. There’s footage from The Terror, House of Usher, The Raven and The Haunted Palace used in several places in this.
“So shocking it will sliver your liver!” That’s a great tagline. This isn’t a great film. But any movie that has Carradine as a narrator can never be hated.
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