I’ve been getting videotapes from Japan since the 1980’s. Before the internet, it wasn’t always so easy. You had to have a connection or you’d spend tons of money. And you’d never be sure what you’d get.
One of my friends used to rent tapes from the Japanese grocery store and you had to try and learn the kanji to know what tapes were what. Often, they’d just be six-hour compilations of whatever wrestling-related things were on TV, including game shows, made before the days of Tokyo’s 24 hour a day Samurai TV.
Between that and the old Death Valley Driver message board, we discovered a group called Doglegs, which features physically challenged performers wrestling. In Japan, there are school fan clubs that go so far to run their own shows in the same arenas as professional groups, which would be like your American Legion team playing Yankee Stadium. Doglegs ran several of their own shows and became somewhat legendary for a time amongst the nascent internet hardcore wrestling fans.
Much like the Kids of Widney High, there are two groups of people interested in their story: those that want to gawk and those that realize that these are people overcoming what some see as limitations and battling to create meaning and art. I’m a member of the latter group and was shocked to find that this documentary was now playing for free.
This film presents the stories of several of the fighters of Doglegs, like Shintaro. He’s a Tokyo janitor who has fought for twenty years but finally wants to retire. To do so, he has to finally defeat the group’s able-bodied organizer, who has been his nemesis the entire time. Known as the Antithesis, Kitakima works as a heel and proclaims that he has defeated the disabled for twenty years. He pushes Shintaro hard in all aspects of his life, which some in the West would see as cruel.
L’Amant, who suffers from cerebral palsy and near-total paralysis, is another fighter. Other than wrestling, he only cares about cross-dressing and drinking sake. Now, he wants to die in the ring battling either his able-bodied wife or son.
Kitajima said, “Let’s show people this pro wrestling of ours. We’ll shock the unthinking able-bodied out of their complacency and give them some real food for thought. Then, maybe we can shake up their rigid thinking about disabled people and the volunteer community.” He has also said that “fighting the disabled without kid gloves is a sign of respect.”
I’ve heard some criticism of this film because it doesn’t present a point of view. To me, the fact that the director Heath Cozens was able to get this level of access and present such a strange subculture of a subculture and make it accessible to all is the true win. It’s simple to look at these men and women with pity. It’s harder to realize that they are discovering the meaning of what life can be through violent art.
Oh, how we go on and on about the apocalypse on this site. Especially the films shot in Australia, Italy, and the Philippines. We love it so much that we waxed nostalgic — twice — about Michael Sopkiw’s and Sergio Martino’s 2019: After the Fall of New York (Sam and R.D reviews). We even went Hunter S. Thompson-gonzo (we can’t write any other way; gotta go for broke) and wrote a month of apoc film reviews this past September, which you can revisit with our two-part Atomic Dustbin round ups.
Our location out in Allison Park–if you feel like making the drive–will feature No Blade of Grass, Chosen Survivors, Ravagers, and Damnation Alley.But there’s no swap shop this Sunday at Allison Park. Gotta bush hog the lot and patch some parking lot potholes.Damn those city ordinaces and inspectors.
But before the low-budget hoards raced out of the lands overseas beyond the rising sun, Hollywood, inspired by the apoc turns of Moses and Ben-Hur himself, Charlton Heston, in Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man and Soylent Green, the apocalypse went mainstream.
So Oliver Reed went “apoc” with Z.P.G, while Yul Brynner starred in The Ultimate Warrior, Sean Connery followed his worldwide fame as James Bond with Zardoz, and the Golden Globe and Oscar-nominated Paul Newman ended the ’70s with Quintet.
So raise ye spiked bats and chains, my warrior hoards and perloin that water, you motherlovers! (Ye must know their cheezy apoc movie quotes or die!) Let’s light up the big screen for the A-List Apocalypse!
A don’t forget to follow the dancing pop corn boxes to our snack bar. I hope you ripped those two-fer-one coupons from the newspaper.
Movie 1: ZPG (1972)
If you’re a bloxploitation fan, you know writer and director Michael Campus for 1973’s classic The Mack, starring Richard Pryor (it bombed, but is considered the best of the genre). But did you know Michael Campus went apoc? Yep, he did. Those crazy Danes purchased the rights to Paul R. Ehrlich’s 1968 worldwide best seller, The Population Bomb, and turned it into a movie. And they managed to hire Oliver Reed of Burnt Offerings and Severed Ties, Gor and Outlaw of Gor. (Now, I must point out, again: Reed was so bad ass with his #1 box office-grossing actor self, that he turned down the role of Quint in Jaws. But now, I must addendum: he accepted two Gor films and Severed Ties?)
Truth be told, while this film has no middle ground and is either loved-loved, or hated-hated (I am of the former), it came out pretty good and is the best of this evening’s quartet of films. And bonus, Geraldine Chaplin — the daughter of Charlie Chaplin — won Best Actress (well deserved) at Spain’s 1972 Sitges Film Festival for her performance in the film.
The film concerns an overpopulated future Earth, whose world government executes those who violate a 30-year ban on having children, so as to balance out the food shortage. And to maintain normalcy, the government develops realistic mechanical babies to satiate the maternal instincts of the world’s 10 billion women. But for Carol — played by Chaplin — a mechanical child won’t do. And she spirals into an obsession to have a real child. (Special Effects artist Derek Meddings — who got his start with Hammer Films, worked with Gerry Anderson on UFO and Space: 1999, along with several James Bond films (our featured reviews all of next month), and designed Pink Floyd’s stage shows — designed the machine babies.)
Are they kidding? No online PPV rental streams? You have to “buy it” for $9.99? Well, if you absolutely must, You Tube has it. Amazon wants $12.99 to buy it? What the hell?
So, Charlton Heston was Moses in The Ten Commandments. And he went apoc with The Omega Man and Soylent Green as “the last man.” And you thought Yul Brynner, who played Ramesses alongside Heston in The Ten Commandments, wasn’t going to jump on the apoc battlewagon to box office gold? (BTW: Check out our “10 Post-Apocalyptic Vehicles” feature.)
“What’s it (yawn) all about?” you ask director Robert Clouse.
Set in a post-civilization New York City in 2012, The Ultimate Warrior depicts the struggles of a small enclave of entitled inhabitants (led by Swedish actor Max Von Sydow of Victory and Judge Dredd) attempting to survive in a compound under endless attacks by the starving hoards outside (led by William Smith of Invasion of the Bee Girls and Grave of the Vampire).
And they need a magnificent seven to help them. But they can only afford one: Carson, played by Yul. For ye is the ultimate, perpetually shirtless, warrior: a man with no name. Well, he has a “name,” but you get the point.
Ugh. No free rips? You’ll have to settle for the PPV via Amazon Prime or Vudu.
A throw-down-the-apoc-gauntletchallenge to Sam: How is it that you ragged on Mitch Gaylord in American Tiger in our Drive-In Friday grand opening — and have yet to review fellow gymast Kurt Thomas in Gymkata? Must it always be about your man-love of Sergio Martino? (Geeze, no wonder Pittsburgh’s having a T.P shortage; and we thought it was the Coronavirus straining the T.P supply chains.) How’s about showing Robert Clouse of Enter the Dragon fame — and Jim Kelly’s Black Belt Jones and Golden Needles — some love?
Gymkata, Samuel. Gymkata. Isn’t “gymkata” sort of kind of like wrestling?
Intermission!
A cut of the first five Phantasm films set to Blue Oyster Cult’s 1976 classic, “Don’t Fear the Reaper.”
What in the hell? John Boorman ignited hicksploitation cinema with 1972’s Deliverance (read our “The Top 70 Good ‘Ol Boys Film List” round up of our month-long review of backwoods epics) and decided a movie with Sean Connery ditching the toupee, slapping on a pair of Speedos, wearing a set of bullet belts across his chest, and slipping into a pair of knee-high red boots — and, oh, a floating giant stone head spouting lines about man’s evil penis spreading his seeds on the Earth — was the way to follow up a box office blockbuster?
What’s it all about? Uh, in a post-apocalyptic world where “Brutals,” aka barbarians, worship a stone god called “Zardoz” set forth by the elitist “Eternals,” everyone fights against death and hope for an eternal life.
And how is it that they are smart enough to building an electromagnetic stone head that spits out supplies to the barbarians, but not wipe the crud off of the cover of an old story book — which they based their society on? (The “plot twist” must be seen to be believed . . . dude, not that Star Trek: The Motion Picture V’ger non-sense again. WTF!)
Yeah, this deserved being singled out in our “Ten WTF Movies” feature: for Zardoz is the definition of “WTF” more than any other movie. Well, at least until Paul Newman did Quintet.
Ack. There’s no freebies on Zardoz? You’ll have to settle for a PPV on Amazon Prime or Vudu.
Movie 4: Quintet (1979)
And you thought John Boorman’s Zardoz was a mindfuck (or bore; opinions vary).
Welcome to the apoc-world of Robert Altman. Yes, the five-time Oscar-nominated director of M.A.S.H and Nashville fame went apoc. According to a then report in Variety, 20th Century Fox President Alan Ladd Jr. told the industry trade paper that Altman was not given final cut on what he termed “a complicated picture.”
That’s putting it mildly, Mr. Ladd.
Of course, we all know a quintet is a group containing five members. And that the geometric pattern of a pentagon (as you see in the theatrical one-sheet) has five sides. And dices (aka, a hexahedron) have six sides.
Okay, that’s the easy part. Now comes the hard part.
Well, take The 10th Victim and eliminate five players. And take them out of the world stage and toss them in a makeshift casino during a future, world ice age where bored humans play “Quintet,” a fight for the survival of the fittest — with human game pieces. And those who are “killed” in the game are executed in real life. (Connect Four with a knife or Monopoly with a 45-revolver, anyone? Wanna try for the “funny bone” in Operation with a 10,000 volt hookup?)
Paul Newman is a seal hunter, Essex, who impersonates someone named Redstone, and gets “entered” into the game (a similar plotline used in Michelangelo Antonioni’s 1975 noir The Passenger starring Jack Nicholson). And Ingmar Bergman’s muse, Swedish actress Bibi Anderson, shows up as Ambrosia, the games crucial “sixth man.” So, uh, why didn’t they title the movie “The Sixth Man” instead of Quintet?
Your guess is as good as ours. Somewhere in the frames, Altman is being profound . . . about something.
You can watch a very clean rip of Quintet for free on You Tube.
Hey! Don’t fear the reaper. Come and take our hand and let us show you a whole list of end-of-the-world flicks with our two-part Atomic Dust Bin round-ups (by God, by Man, etc.) full of helpful tips on how tough out COVID-19. For there’s no paper for the loo. So you better bring your shovels to dig your own dunnys (Aussie apoc-speak; gotta keep the theme rollin’).
Don’t be def-conned!
In case you missed the reviews . . . here’s a few more A-List “End of the World” flicks resulting from man’s folly we’ve finally got around to. Within each, you’ll find links to even more . . . both of the A-List and B-List knockoff variety. Enjoy that fiery rabbit hole!
Bitto Albertini may be better known for Black Emanuelle and his two bonkers mondo efforts, Safari Rally and Naked and Cruel or his giallo Human Cobras or his other two Emanuelle films — Black Emanuelle 2 and Yellow Emanuelle. You may also know him for his sequel to Starcrash (Escape from Galaxy 3) or his Shanghai Joe sequel (Return of Shanghai Joe) or his three Three Fantastic Supermen sequels (Three Supermen in Tokyo, Three Supermen in the Jungle and Supermen Against the Orient). Basically, I’m here to tell you that he’s known for everything but this Eurospy/lucha libre effort.
I’m here to change all that.
This movie has everything you want: a villain named the Cobra who has relationship issues. A hero named Goldface who also has 99 problems and Pamela — his girl — is all of them. And tons of Caracas, Venezuela’s finest pro wrestlers, who have lengthy battles that take up much of this movie’s screentime.
This is the kind of movie that I sit on the couch and scream at the TV until my wife tells me that I have to start settling down.
The Cobra is destroying industry all over Venezuela and asks for just $2 million dollars to settle down. That seems like a paltry sum. Maybe that’s why Number 2, who seems like his girlfriend, has so many issues with him. When the good guys attack ala Thunderball at the end, he wants to run away. She basically has to goad him into giving his soldiers a speech to get them fired up. She’s the kind of girlfriend that gets you into fistfights with numerous people at bars because someone disrespected her. Except, you know, these aren’t drunken hijinks, this is an entire army led by a masked wrestler with a cape and a submachine gun.
The Cobra has great clothes, like a long-length kimono that covers part of his face. Maybe he wears that to hide him talking under his breath at Number 2 when she makes him do things that he doesn’t want to. If you were dealing with her — she’s played by Evi Marandi from Bava’s Planet of the Vampires — you’d probably do anything she asks too.
The Cobra only rises every thousand years. He’ll be sure to tell you that many, many times in this movie. But hey — are you surprised that The Cobra ends up being one of the very industrialists that he’s trying to scam? He just isn’t sure of his idealogy, but what bad guy is?
Goldface doesn’t have it so easy either. He’s in love with Pamela — who the Cobra keeps trying to kill — but she doesn’t love his scientist alter ego Doctor Vilar. She’s only into that sweet, sweet Goldface. I mean, scientist or pro wrestler? I know where I stand on this longstanding argument. Well, then again, Goldface is pretty much sleeping with every single woman that he gets close to, so his problems aren’t really problems. Even his assistants in his lab are attractive ladies always down for some…experiments.
Our hero is played by Espartaco Santoni, who was in Lisa and the Devil, Death Will Have Your Eyes and The Feast of Satan. He had a lot in common with Goldface, as he was married eight times — actresses Teresa Velázquez (The Killer Must Kill Again), Marujita Díaz and Carmen Cervera (the Ted Mikels-written Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident) were three of his ex’s — and romantically linked to Ursula Andress, Princess Caroline of Monaco and Danger: Diabolik godess Marisa Mell. After his acting career ended, he ran disco pubs in Spain.
Goldface has a sidekick named Kotar — yes, just like Lothar in The Phantom — who dresses like an African tribesman, bugs his eyes out, speaks gibberish and loves peanuts. Yes, it’s as racist as 1967 was. And Albertini would make plenty more movies that define problematic to today’s eyes. Anyways, Kotar is played by Cuban actor Mario Lotario, who was also in a lot of Venezuelan movies and TV shows.
The end of this movie is astounding, because it isn’t Goldface who ends up taking out the bad guy. No, he falls out of a helicopter and the military forces — anonymous men who are unmasked and not trying to be superheroes — are the ones who kill The Cobra, not long after Number 2 is shot by Pamela. It’s kind of depressing.
The true ending is when Pamela does a run-in to Goldface’s big match — his one-footed dropkicks suck — and pins him to win his heart. She also looks way trashier and hotter than she does in the rest of the movie, kind of like when Ms. Elizabeth joined the NWO. Bravo to all concerned.
He’d only have a few more movies after this — The Fury of the Karate Experts, The Fist of Death, Chanoc and the Son of Santo vs. the Killer Vampires and Santo vs. the TV Killer — but you have to give it to him to keeping up on the trend and heading off to the Bermuda Triangle.
Two beautiful women, Silvia and Sandra, have disappeared thanks to some aliens who can disappear with a touch of their belts, much like the aliens in Santo vs. the Martian Invasion.
It’s up to our pals Santo, Blue Demon and Mil Mascaras to battle the evil Dr. Gro and find them amongst the vanished ships within the Bermuda Triangle.
The best part of this movie is when the trio gets interrupted while they are lifting weights and then follow the evildoers in a series of cars. Check out Mil’s ensemble — tight shorts, no shirt, a cumberbund and original Nikes.
Keep in mind that Santo was 60 when this was made and he could still kick alien ass. There’s also Iranian karate princesses and assassination, all within a movie supposedly about pro wrestlers and the Bermuda Triangle. There’s also a scene where Mil is carrying home his groceries and a bunch of rudos attack him on the docks, so he throws an entire brown bag of his purchases at them and then does all of his trademark spots. It’s one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen in a film.
The end of this movie blows my mind. After a beginning where a child finds a Santo mask covered in seaweed, this entire movie has been one long story that ends with a guy saying, “And they were never seen again. The predictions of the apocalypse are coming true. The end of the world is near.”
Then, a nuke goes off. Movies like this make me so happy and I am so overjoyed to share this level of absolute malarky with you, dear friend.
It’s easy to make fun of the guys in this movie who are making $20 a show struggling to matter as pro wrestlers, much less grapplers for God. Except, well, I know one of them. I trained at the Dory Funk Jr. dojo with Jason Jett, one of the main characters in this, and he’s a forthright guy who was a solid hand in the ring and good at putting a match together.
This movie makes me admit the real truth of wrestling. The biggest marks aren’t those in the seats, but in the ring. Most of never realize that we will never get anywhere. We’d never work this hard at any other job for this much money or this little respect.
So when I hear Rob Vaughn — the guy who is the top star and owner of the Christian Wrestling Federation — saying that changes are coming or hurdles need to be cleared but the big time is close, I’ve heard this same story with a slightly different script but the same overall meaning so many times that it kind of made my heart hurt a bit. That’s because I was only talked to about money and heart and how much better it was with the old crew and didn’t have to deal with the neverending war between the forces of Satan and God for my wrestling soul.
Seriously: everything bad that happens to the CWF is Satan’s fault. Trust me, Satan loves wrestling, even when guys that start off as untrained backyard wrestlers happen upon a great gimmick and start using God as the ultimate program.
There are some really interesting moments here, like where the wrestler Apocalpyse talks about his wife leaving him in the hospital as he lies there as a potential quadroplegic or when the others all discuss Rob’s indiscretions. I nearly wanted to yell at the scren that these moments deserved more of a follow-up than nearly all of the movie.
By the way, if you’re shocked by the amount of religious and diversity intolerance in this movie, let me remind you that this is a movie about religious pro wrestlers. That said, I’ve met all manner of guys in the wrestling game that have political and sexual affiliations all over the place. These would not be those people.
I used to wrestle on shows with a guy who was a preacher and he’d always yell at me about my gimmick, which is pretty much me being a1970’s occult bad guy from a horror movie. I patiently listened and then asked, “What good is having only good people in wrestling if there isn’t someone like me to give you a foil to glorify God against?”
Remember Lucio Fulci’s House by the Cemetery with the basement experiments of Dr. Freudstein getting loose and tormenting the new residents of a New England home? Now, instead of the real estate horror of 1979’s The Amityville Horror, think the home invasion horror of 1971’s Straw Dogs, or the more recent, You’re Next, or the Wes Craven classic, The Last House on the Left (that got ripped by things such as The Last House on the Beach and The Last House on a Dead End Street).
So goes the English-language, but Italian made Dead House: The story of three masked thieves who invade the remote country mansion of a god-playing scientist — and they come to discover his deadly viral experiments in a basement lab that mutates the infected into psychopaths. The film questions how far will men will go into their depravity — which is evident as the invaders force the doctor’s teenaged daughter to watch him and his wife have sex and play other deadly games.
Dead House is the debut film of Brini Amerigo, a writer-director who embraces old school practical effects, which is refreshing in this digital age. The U.S reviews on this haven’t been kind, but as you can see from the trailer, it’s competently shot and above the fray of most direct-to-video streamers.
Originally release as a 2014 European theatrical known as Beautiful People, Wide Eye Releasing rebooted the film for U.S audiences — with a new title and artwork — for its U.S. PPV and VOD debut in 2018. They’re now offering it as free-with-ads stream on their TubiTv channel.
Disclaimer: This was sent to us by the film’s PR firm.
About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
Oh reality shows. And movies about them. It’s kind of hard to shock us now, because so many shows do just about anything possible. That said, Human Zoo tries. It tells the story of a show broadcast on the interwebs where contestants see how long they can stay in solitary confinement to win a million dollar prize.
Robert Carradine is in this as The Producer. He’s finally taking a page out of his dad’s book, showing up in movies for a few moments just so they can put his name on the poster. Here’s hoping we see more of this soon.
If you like seeing people be degraded in prison cells, then this film is for you. After seeing Japanese reality shows like Prize Contest Life on Susunu! Denpa Shonen, where a man named Nasubi was quarantined by himself with no clothes and forced to enter contests to survive for 15 months while 17 million fans watched, this seems like a normal day.
You can learn more at the official site. Human Zoo is now available On Demand and DVD from Wild Eye Releasing.
Disclaimer: This movie was sent to us by its PR company.
This remake of the 1970s Japanese TV series Shiruba Kamen (Silver Mask) and Supa Robotto Reddo Baron (Super Robot Red Baron) takes the heroes from both — an armored bionic superhero and a red giant robot — and has them fight aliens to save Earth and prevent the extinction of mankind.
In the year 2050, life as we know it is gone on Earth. No, not just the COVID-19 we’re dealing with now, but the Killgis have used their giant robot Black Baron to terraform our planet and make it just like their planet. The Kasuga family travel back in time with the plans to make their own robot, a device that shows them who is an alien, psychic powers and the Silver Mask suit, which is soon given to a scientist’s pit fighting brother.
If you’re a fan of the Senkosha heroes like The Samurai, Moonlight Mask, Kousoku Esper and Yusei Oji, you’ll be happy when Goro Kirishima, the hero of Iron King, shows up at the end to warn that the Shiranui are coming to Earth. Here’s to more crossover films like this, as I had a blast watching it.
I like that the aliens chose Earth because we were going to destroy ourselves anyway. This is the kind of mindless — I say that in a good way — giant robot punching magic that Japan does so well.
Want to learn more about BraveStorm? Check out the official site. Its available on DirecTV, Dish, Charter, Cox, iTunes, Amazon, GooglePlay and FandangoNow, and on DVD at Amazon and Walmart stores nationwide.
DISCLAIMER: Thanks to Distribution Solutions for sending this blu ray our way for review.
Classy. The Hollywood Fashion Plate. The King of Men. You know, when I was a young kid, I saw an older Fred Blassie as a wrestling manager and he always made me so happy, this gruff older man barking at the camera. But I didn’t know about the man who filed his teeth coming off a plane in Japan, the vampire who bit Rikidozan. I didn’t know that his first match was a shoot where he fought a wrestler with no training just to impress a girl he brought to the fair. I didn’t know that he was such a ruthless villain that he got acid thrown at him.
I was also a big fan of Andy Kaufman as a kid. I didn’t know how much of him was real and how much was an act. You know, I’d still like to have that level of the unknown in my life. Andy taught me that failure and weirdness and danger can be hilarious.
It just stands to reason that these two men would rip off My Dinner With Andre in a Sambo’s restaurant, as Freddie and Andy would have breakfast and make fun of every single person around them. I love the idea that this film presents, that Andy is pretty much unsure about being a heel while Blassie is a genuine hater of all humanity.
Johnny Legend brought this together. He helped Blassie record some of his famous songs, like “Pencil Neck Geek,” which were often heard on Dr. Demento. His sister Lynne is also in this movie. This is where she’d meet Andy, who she would start dating.
Legend is also related to a moment in adult film history, as he was the man who was charged with cutting out the moments of Long Jeanne Silver using her appendage on a male star in her starring movie, Alex De Renzy’s Long Jeanne Silver. He’s also in the Australian softcore movie Fantasm Comes Again, Pot, Parents And Police, Bride of Re-Animator, Children of the Corn III, Severed Ties, and (Young Hot ‘n Nasty) Teenage Cruisers.
If you want to watch Fred Blassie flip out on people not prepared for his brutal ways, watch this on Tubi. PS — I realize that Bob Zmuda is a plant, as are many of the people sitting around, but just enjoy the movie.
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