Breeder (2020)

A renowned health supplement company is abducting young women as part of an experiment to impregnate them and then bio-hacking their embryo’s DNA to reverse the aging process. Mia investigates, but soon she finds herself trapped, branded and tortured in a grim underground facility. Trust me — things get dark.

Dr. Isabel Ruben is able to bring men back to youth, but is driven to continue her research in the hopes that she can also erase her age. She’s doing her science in an unhygenic concentration camp lorded over by two men — the Dog and the Pig — who are in it merely to abuse women.

She’s also blackmailing Thomas, whose faciities she is using and whose wife is Mia, who is soon branded — and man, this movie has a lot of urine in it, as the burning mark is soon pissed on — and although there are hints that she enjoys BDSM, she is definitely not enjoying the hell that she soon goes through.

Director Jens Dahl co-wrote Nicolas Winding Refn’s Pusher, so that should tell you what you’re getting into. Writer Sissel Dalsgaard Thomsen has mainly done shorts and while this film could use a slight bit of trimming to its running time, the ending catharis is wild and filled with moments that completely shocked me.

Trust me — there are some moments in here that are rough. Real rough. But it also surprised me with its quality and storytelling.

Breeder is available on digital from Uncork’d.

Flesh Contagium (2020)

Lorenzo Lepori made the fumetti film Catcomba which made me take notice of him. And man, Flesh Contagium is another great movie from his twisted mind. Made during Italy’s early lockdown — man, remember those days — this movie shows us that in 2029, after a virus has devastated humanity, left the global health infrastructure in ruins and created thousands of mutants.

Now, Executors have been appointed with hunting and killing not only these casualties but every single survivor. Two of those left behind, Helmut (Lepori, who co-wrote, co-produced and directed this too) and Ornella are running from the gas-masked shocktroopers before she alone survives, only. to be taken in by a mad scientist who keeps assaulting her, experimenting on her and pining for his diseased wife.

Sure, there are some emotions and comments on our present condition, but there’s also so much gore. I’d like to believe that Bruno Mattei is still alive or a brain in a jar or an unearthly specter who has come to the makers of this film in a dream and said, “Show them the beauty of grime and gore and do it in the Italian way.”

And they did.

And it was good.

You can get this from Massacre Video.

Bigfoot vs. Illuminati (2020)

If you find a weird movie on Tubi that sounds like another movie, chances are that BC Fourteen wrote and directed it. Fast and the FurryPetsTrollingAvenger Dogs ChristmasTrump vs. the Illuminati. I’d like to think that he is an active artificial intelligence making these things based on slips of paper fed into him by an army of small children trained at birth to know what trends will be hot. Also, he’s from Pittsburgh, which makes me wonder so many more questions.

Most of those questions are about this movie, which has a clone of Van Helsing and Bigfoot being brought in to defend the Earth from the Illuminati, who have recruited Aleister Crowley in the body of an alien. And it’s all computer animated. I honestly can’t believe this thing exists and wonder if it was made specifically for me to find.

Also Dr. Jekyll is one of the good guys fighting the lizard aliens. And Stalin is in it. Plus Egyptian God of the Dead Anubis.And everyone human looks like Master Chief.

There’s also Bigfoot vs. Megalodon which has the furry guy against a robot Nazi shark.

More of these movies now.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Beyond the Omega (2020)

If you want to get my attention, you make a movie in Italy and title it Beyond the Omega, just this close to a Joe D’Amato title, and I’ll spend hours of my life hunting your movie down online.

Also known as Il Tio Sepolcro…La Nostra Alcova (Your Sepulcher…Our Alcove, which also references another D’Amato title slightly, L’alcova), this is the tale of Aris (Lorenzo Lepori, who directed Catacomba and Flesh Contagium), whose bride-to-be Iris is murdered, an event that sends him on a death plunge that he may never escape.

The killer (Pio Bisanti) keeps on killing while Aris takes to the woods with a love doll named Persephone (Benedetta Rossi) who just so happens to be able to come to life. Of course, the more she’s alive, the more she looks like she’s dead and the more Aris seems to want her. Seeing as how he never got to make love to the virginal Iris, now he’s using that doll for everything he wanted his wife for. And perhaps more.

I mean, am I reading too much into the lead character’s name — Aristodemus — being so close to the real name of D’Amato, Aristide Massaccesi?

Director and writer Mattia De Pascali (McBetter) told the site Il Gabinetto Del Dott Trash (The Cabinet of Dr. Trash) “It was never my intention to make a remake of Buio Omega. D’Amato’s film inspired me to rework an old idea on a theme, that of the doll that comes to life, which has nothing to do with the 1979 classic. We treaded a bit in promoting Beyond The Omega as a tribute to Beyond The Darkness (aka Buio Omega) more to attract the attention of the public than for my real artistic need.”

This is one weird and quite frankly disturbing trip. Hail to Italy for remembering that it has roots in movies devoted to disturbing audiences!

Holland Road Massacre: The Legend of Pigman (2020)

In my town, there were urban legends of the Green Man — which were true, he was burned by either a fallen power line or lightning strike and his face was destroyed — and every town has similar tales. This movie has the Pigman, which a couple soon discovers is an absoutely true and very deadly story.

This movie seems engineered for optimum murderdrone, but I’m not sure that’s a thing you can just make up. It’s like trying to give yourself your own nickname. But the slow motion snow-based murders that are stuttered and cross-cut and smashed together and the multiple storylines all happening at once are all going to try.

That said, Holland Road in Angola, NYis really called Pigman Road because of an urban legend. Turns out that there may have been — but probably wasn’t — a deranged butcher that would put pigs’ heads on stakes outside his shop before one time that he shot a man and hung him outside for cars driving past to see. There was also a major train accident in the 1860s.

Director and writer Emir Skalonj is behind this one. There are some ideas at play here, the killer looks pretty good and it has a budget of what you spent on Christmas gifts this year. You can learn more on the official Facebook page.

For the Sake of Vicious (2020)

When overworked nurse Romina (Lora Burke) gets back home from another way too long shift, she learns that a bloody stranger (Nick Smyth) has attacked her landlord (Colin Paradine) in her kitchen. Chris wants to kill him for assaulting his daughter. Coincidentally, Romina just treated said daughter in the hospital. Then, three masked men show up and want to kill everyone.

Co-directors and writers Gabriel Carrer and Reese Eveneshen then change things up by putting the three characters we’ve already met against the three maniac masked bikers and everything gets quite messy and eyes pay the price for all the sin they’ve seen.

Sure, there are plenty of home invasion movies, but this is 80 tight minutes and has some real moments of drama from Lora Burke, who plays Romina. There’s also a great moment in the beginning as she starts taping up the bloody landlord all while trying to calm her son down on the phone, showing not only her mothering instinct, but just how she can control a situation. It’s a skill she’ll need if she wants to survive this night.

For the Sake of Vicious is now streaming on Shudder. You can learn more at the official website and Facebook page.

An Exquisite Meal (2020)

A rich couple — self-claimed master chef Dave and inexperienced writer Irene — is planning an amazing meal for their friends, but as the evening goes on, the meal keeps getting delayed. As more guests arrive, personality conflicts start to pile up and the dinner part of the dinner party seems like it’s never going to get on the table.

This over an hour dialogue-heavy film is the first full-length feature by Robert Bruce Carter. It’s a lot to solve in its short running time and as a first-time project, but give him credit for aiming for the moon.

The official site for this film claims that it’s “A dark comedy arthouse thriller western satire.” Sure, I guess. It also name drops Yorgos Lanthimos and Buñuel, so you can see just how lofty its aims are.

That said — this captures the feeling of being trapped at a fancy — and perhaps too rich for its own blood — dinner party, so if you’ve been missing that dread since we all live in our houses and eat take out instead of seeing other human beings, perhaps this will scratch that itch.

An Exquisite Meal is available On Demand and Digital from Gravitas Ventures.

The Unhealer (2020)

Directed by writer, producer, and filmmaker Martin Guigui (Beneath the Darkness), The Unhealer has a pretty strong cast with Natasha Henstridge (Species) and Lance Henriksen (Near Dark) as the best-known actors.

Kelly Mason (Elijah Nelson) is a young man with a compulsive eating disorder called pica that causes him to eat paper, Styrofoam and anything inedible he can get his hands on. Medical science can’t help him, his classmates bully him and his single mother (Henstridge) has no idea where to turn.

Enter Pflueger (Henriksen), a former con artist and hustler who has gone from desecrating ancient Native American burial grounds for artifacts to becoming Reverend Pflueger after an explosion gives him the ability to cure others. Despite the pleas of Native American elder Red Elk to give back the ability, Pflueger claims that he will live forever and use his healing gift for material wealth.

Bernice hires Pflueger to heal Kelly, but the laying on of hands causes the man to die of a heart attack. Now, his gift has been transferred to the boy. Any trauma inflicted on him only damages the people attacking him. So just imagine, if you’ve been abused by your fellow teens for years, what would you do?

Oh yeah — and if Kelly eats anything that someone has worn, everything he feels, the wearer feels too. Of course, this leads to a wet dream in the middle of the school day, adding to the late 90s/early 2000s direct to video feel of this film — I mean, it has a Stabbing Westward song over the credits — and that’s a good thing.

As Kelly becomes more confident and finally wins over Dominique, the woman of his dreams, he starts to realize that these powers are a curse and that they’ll demand more violence than just the damage he’s dealt to his bullies.

This has been developed as a trilogy, which makes sense, as it has a pretty decent story that feels like it can go on from here.  There’s an insane moment where Kelly uses a drill on his own knees to deliver damage to a football player that shocked me with both its humor and gore. Well done.

The Unhealer is available on blu ray, DVD and a number of digital and cable platforms, including iTunes, Amazon Video, Vudu, Comcast, Spectrum, and Cox. It will be coming to Roku and additional platforms soon.

Amityville Poltergeist (2020)

Once, this movie was called No Sleep, then Don’t Sleep, then it became an Amityville movie because that’s what you do sometimes if you want your movie to get out there, I guess. Hey — director and co-writer Calvin Morie McCarthy is out there doing it, I guess.

So anyways, as you can guess, this has nothing to do with Amityville, yet when has that stopped us in the past?

Jim is a poor college student who gets a House of the Devil job housesitting for a strange woman named Eunice, even after he’s been warned that the house itself is evil. Right away, he can’t sleep what with all the nightmares and the supernatural stuff that happens when he’s awake may be even worse.

Of course, most of this movie takes place in a room with people just talking to one another. It gets boring and yet never gets into murderdrone territory where it feels like the kind of mind numbing drugs that my brain demands, instead being merely like drinking an O’Doul’s and wondering why you’re not drunk.

I realize that they’re going to keep making Amityville movies and I’m going to keep watching them. Here are a few of my free titles to improve the streaming schlock that hopefully has at least something small to do with 112 Ocean Avenue:

  • Amityville Alien
  • 50 Shades of Amityville
  • Once Upon a Time…In Amityville
  • Amityville Giallo
  • Amityville Christmas
  • Amityville Ouija Party
  • Amityville Police Academy
  • Don’t Go in the Basement of the Amityville Death House
  • House of 1000 Amityville Horrors
  • Amityville Avengers

I literally have thousands of these and I await any streaming production company that wants more.

 

Amityville Vibrator (2020)

Look, if all director and writer Nathan Rumler (FangbonerGay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ) had done was write this movie’s tagline, “For God’s sake, get off!” and never even made the movie, we’d be fine.

However, I made a deal with a lesser demon to get Arrow blu rays for free, which means that now I must review every Amityvlille movie or pay for their latest releases with something worth way more than my paycheck.

Cathy (Corella Waring, CarousHELL) has done the unthinkable. She’s bought a marital aid at a yard sale, which may be the most wrong of the many wrong things in this movie. The more she and her girlfriend Roxi (Mallory Maneater) use the titular evil wand upon one another, the more chance that the demons that possessed the residents of 112 Ocean Avenue will find their way into their loins. And their souls, I guess.

Also, the vibrator can talk.

Also, there’s Spanky, a possessed ventriloquist dummy that rips off a man’s face and then has sex with a woman.

Also, there’s a murder scene juxtaposed with a sex scene.

Also, a character asks “Perform an exorcism on my (slang for part of anatomy).”

Also, two characters take mushrooms in the woods for real and in real time we watch them wander all over the place.

Meanwhile, Chad (Rumler) — the ex-boyfriend of Cathy — and his partner Mallory (Emily Hilborn) are kind of cosplaying Friday the 13th the Series except they are hunting down all of the cursed objects from the DeFeo house and only have one object left. Yes, the magical vibrator.

That said, in no way is this movie for anyone easily offended by, well, anything. It’s exactly what it promises to be and much, much worse. It’s a grimy, gross and upsetting movie that’s definitely going to have an audience. And well, I guess I’m in it because I have to see every Amityville movie and write them up if I want that UHD of They Call Her One Eye without suffering in Hell for all eternity.

Mitigating factor: a male cover version of the spraying amputation in Tenebre, copious amounts of well-done gore and people who are all obviously having fun making this. Honestly, this movie gave me the same feelings I had watching Cannibal Holocaust and that says to me that despite watching every Bruno Mattei and Joe D’Amato movie this year, I am still human after all.