The Mildew from Planet Xondar (2015)

Ah, Necrostorm. What have you brought us this time?

Let’s go back to 1984, thanks to Hotel Inferno director Giulio De Santi and Neil Meschino (whose movie Mold! was retrofitted into this revamped gorefest). Bentan Labs has just created a mildew that can spread and consume any form of vegetation with the goal of deploying it to destroy the food sources of enemy armies. But to their surprise, they soon learn that the midew is actually a sentient alien being devoted to destroying human beings through the grossest and goopiest ways possible.

The scientists that have survived join with the mstyerious mercenary Toxic to try to escape. But trust me — it’s not going to be easy.

Less its own movie that a remix, it’s still got something for the folks who love to see bodies destroyed in geysers of gore and gristle. You know who you are, there’s no self help group for you and all you can do is just watch more of these things. So here’s one more, albeit one that is self-aware and realizes exactly what it is.

Freddy vs Dylan (2015)

So while we may have gotten Cemetery Man and Dylan Dog here in the United States, Italian horror fans like Denis Frison didn’t get enough and made their own movies like 2012’s La morte puttana and this 2015 mashup of Freddy Krueger and the Dylan Dog comics.

Dylan Dog is, after all, a “nightmare investigator.” So who better to seek out when you’re being hunted by “the bastard son of a hundred maniacs,” Freddy Krueger? But what if Freddy realizes who Dylan is and sees him as an arch enemy that needs to be destroyed so that he can keep on killing?

When you read the words “fan film,” don’t turn up your nose. This looks better than so many movies that have been sent to us as actual films for review. And the concept is absolutely perfect.

You can watch the entire movie here.

Southbound (2015)

Made by filmmakers who worked together on V/H/SSouthbound doesn’t always work, but at least its stories have a thematic tie to one another and a vision, unlike so many modern horror anthologies.

Radio Silence — Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett and Chad Villella– who made Ready or Not, V/H/S, and Devil’s Due directed the first segment, in which two men are pursued by demons down a highway as well as the demons of their past failures. “The Way Out” starts the film on a high note.

“Siren” continues the strangeness, as the three members of The White Tights wreck their van and are accosted by both hospitality and odd behavior in the homes they find in the aftermath. This segment effectively uses comic actors like Susan Burke and Dana Gould while the direction by Roxanne Benjamin (who wrote this with Burke) keeps the story moving.

“The Accident,” directed by David Bruckner, is one dark tale, in which a man is brought to a facility where he’s instructed in how to operate on Sadie, the character from the last story, who he hits with his car. He cannot save her and their instructions lead to her death; he’s haunted by their voices on the phone. The creatures from “The Way Out” keep showing up and haunting the characters.

One of the voices on the phone is Sandy, who leads us to a bar called The Trap and the story called “Jailbreak,” which is directed by Patrick Horvath. Beyond David Yow from the band The Jesus Lizard, this one is filled with demonic violence. However, it stumbles compared to the other segments.

“The Way In” is also by Radio Silence and shows us where the two main characters came from in the first story but not in any way that you’d expect. This one flips the narrative, showing us that perhaps everyone in this story is trapped in the same purgatory and on the way to hell, as well as featuring Larry Fessenden as the DJ whose voice intones that these people might just be making the same mistakes for eternity.

It’s no accident that Carnival of Souls — well, maybe the public domain status has a little to do with it — is playing at the beginning of this movie.

I was really opposed to this movie the first time I saw it, but after a few years — and the quick erosion in quality of horror anthologies — I’ve come around to liking it a lot more than I did the first time I saw it. Perhaps I’m the one trapped on the highway to hell, watching this again and again until I absolutely adore it?

SHARK WEAK: Mega Shark Versus Kolossus (2015)

Between Mega Shark, Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, Mega Shark Versus CrocosaurusMega Shark Versus Mecha Shark and the rumored Mega Shark Versus Moby Dick, The Asylum has really gotten plenty of nautical miles out of the Mega Shark story.

Yet how can we explain the fact that Illeana Douglas appears in this movie as Dr. Alison Gray? I mean, Douglas is an incredible actress, but I guess everyone needs work. And yet she brings such gravitas to her role that you wonder, does she realize that she’s in a movie where an unearthed Cold War Russian giant robot battles a monstrous shark?

This was directed by Christopher Ray, who is also Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray, who is Fred’s son and now it all makes so much more sense. Hey — I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I wish there were more movies where soldiers fought to free mechanical monsters who can pick up a megalodon and throw it at a satellite that’s shooting a laser.

If you like your jetfighters as stock footage, your monsters rubbery yet made in CGI and great posters, well, this movie is for you. Actually, it’s for me, because this is exactly the kind of movie I revel in. If only we couldn’t find a secret Italian lab that has the robotic form of Bruno Mattei hidden away so that he could make so many more of these shark movies. Let’s Go Fund that!

You can watch this on Tubi.

SHARK WEAK: Raiders of the Lost Shark (2015)

Look, the title of this movie is incredible. It has no Raiders of the Lost Ark moments in it to pay off the name, but that’s totally a Jerry Gross-level title there.

This one’s a Brett Kelly movie and he’s the guy who made Ouija Shark and Jurassic Shark, so when it comes to shark movies with great titles that never really pay off, Brett is kind of your man. Here, he’s made the story of a prehistoric shark that gets into the waters of a small lake. It’s all fracking’s fault and the local swimmers must pay the price.

This may be the first Canada-set shark movie I’ve seen, so there’s that. I mean, it’s a shark that can fly and barks. If that sounds like something that you want for your own shark week, then by all means…

You can watch this on Tubi. Here’s to Wild Eye for continuing to come up with great posters and better titles for these movies.

The Slayers (2015)

Two cult members named Nigel and Job learn that a comet is about to destroy the world in just fourteen days, so they decide to go on a road trip. As their motorhome tours Scotland, they discover that vampires need to be stopped as part of God’s plan so that they can end their existence in good conscience.

The first full-length film by writer/director John Williams (who also has five acting parts), The Slayers in no way takes itself seriously and you should approach it with a sense of good humor. The comedy gets a bit ridiculous in here and it may go on a bit longer than it should, but you should find at least a good laugh or two.

I can honestly say that it’s the only end of the world vampire movie that I’ve seen, so that’s definitely something worth finding.

You can watch this on Tubi. Wild Eye has also released this on DVD (and were kind enough to send us a copy).

LEE MAJORS WEEK: Do You Believe? (2015)

Do You Believe? is kind of like Magnolia without the raining frogs, good music or characters that you actually worry and care about.

It’s the tale of a preacher who meets a street prophet who shakes him to the core.

And then you realize, hey, that street priest is Delroy Lindo and wow, the cast of this movie and the next thing you know, you’ve wasted an entire 115 minutes watching this.

The creators of God’s Not Dead got together a truly heavenly cast for this movie that’s kind of like Crash because it also has a car crash in it.

There’s Sean Astin as a kindly doctor, just holding out until he can get famous again when a monster from the Upside Down disembowels him! Academy Award winner Mira Sorvino! Alexa PenaVega from Spy Kids! Shark jumper Ted McGinley as that priest who has lost his faith! Cybill Shepherd, certainly in a place she never saw herself being in! Lee Majors, our reason for watching so many movies that we would have never watched if we weren’t doing a week of films in his honor! Brian Bosworth, who certainly deserves better! A rapper named Shwayze!

Look, I realize that a kid who grew up with apeirophobia — fear of eternity — and ouranophobia — fear of heaven — is not going to be the audience for this movie. Yet I know that Christian cinema can make astounding stuff like Ron Ormond’s films and A Thief In the Night. Why do contemporary Pure Flix movies play it so safe?

To Whom It May Concern (2015)

Anna, (Dawn Olivieri, Bright) is tired of life and looking to end it all, despite being young, gorgeous and, well, a mess. While planning her own funeral, she meets Sam (Wilmer Valderrama), the boyfriend of her neighbor who has been kicked out. She takes him in and suddenly she feels like life could be worth living. Yet just as he brings joy and comfort to her life, he’s also trying to move back in with his girlfriend.

Director Maru Boyer also made the documentary I Trust You to Kill Me, which told the story of Kiefer Sutherland helping a band as they tour Europe. He’s since made the TV movies Family Pictures and Tempting Fate.

Olivieri and Valderrama are quite good in this and have some great chemistry. While not the typical film that we watch around here, there’s definitely things to enjoy and learn from within this film.

To Whom It May Concern is now available on demand and digital from Global Digital Releasing.

Crumbs (2015)

Candy (Daniel Tadesse, who has worked with director Miguel Llansó on four different projects) is a small man under a large sky that is filled with a hovering spacecraft that surely must be dead as it hovers above. Yet since he was young, he dreamed of being on that ship.

Candy knows that the ship is alive again and he’s sick of being a collector of discarded ephemera, like all the late 20th century pop memorabilia he keeps finding. This is a world where a Ninja Turtle toy can be seen as a god, where Michael Jordan is worshipped as a deity.

Ethopian science fiction, set inside a pre-apocalypse country that looks like the end times already came, capped with a religious experience while watching the Turkish remake/remix/ripoff film Süpermen Dönüyor. Trust me — that’s all it took to make me adore this.

If you think this one is strange, well, get ready. Tadesse and Llansó followed it with Jesus Shows You the Way to the Highway, which was recently released by Arrow Video. This movie is on the second disk of that release.

Man — who knew that on the other side of the world such astounding movies were being made? I’m excited to see what happens next.

Rust (2015)

Shot in the Asylum and Hotel Fear Haunted Houses in Las Vegas, Rust is the product of writer and director Joe Lujan. Starting as a short film, the murders of Travis McLennan have expanded across several films. Lujan has been invovled in several series of films, including Atelophobia (which even has a live-action escape room devoted to it) and a shared universe of comic books and films that started with The Immortal Wars.

Travis McLennan is played by Morlon Greenwood, who played for the Miami Dolphins, Houston Texans, Oakland Raiders and the Omaha Nighthawks of the United Football League. He’s also a reggae artist, philanthropist and across several films, he’s essayed this role.

Three girls decide to check out an abandoned horror attraction, not realizing that the killer has taken up residence there. Corey Taylor, Taylor Kilgore and Lindsey Cruz play the ladies and they have also starred in several of the director’s films.

The DVD of this film features three different cuts of the film, including the original 38 minute short, a 75-minute cut from 2015, and the full-length version. That’s the one that I watched and while it has moments of great suspense, it also has some of the same issues of most recent slashers — long moments of just screaming in the dark. That said, I do like the way some of the shots were framed and set up, despite not understanding the slow motion effects that happen from time to time.

Yet as you may know, I do enjoy a good slasher, so it’s nice to see the attempt to create a new series.

This was sent to us by Wild Eye, who released the film on demand and on DVD. It’s also on Amazon Prime. They were kind enough to send us a copy, which has no bearing on our thoughts on this movie. You can learn more at the official site.