Santa Who? (2000)

Who are we to tell Leslie Nielsen to say no to anything?

After a career that mostly found him playing in B movies, he hit it big with Airplane and followed the formula, In 2007, he said, “I’m afraid if I don’t keep moving, they’re going to catch me … I am 81 years old and I want to see what’s around the corner, and I don’t see any reason in the world not to keep working.” He kept on making movies in his comfort zone like The Naked GunRepossessedDracula: Dead and Loving ItMr. Magoo2001: A Space TravestyScary Movie 3 and 4Wrongfully AccusedSpy Hard and many more. So devoted to the joke — he carried a fart machine everywhere — his tombstone has his favorite saying: “”Let ‘er rip.”

This movie is your basic Disney TV movie. Nielsen is Santa, who has fallen off his sleigh and gets amnesia. A TV reporter, Peter Albright (Steven Eckholdt), is getting publicity for featuring him but doesn’t believe that he’s the real Santa, unlike his girlfriend’s Claire’s (Robyn Lively) son Zack (Max Morrow). Tommy Davidson is Max the elf, who decides that with Santa gone, he and the other elves can take some time off. But if Santa doesn’t get it together, there will be no Christmas.

Lionsgate has licensed this movie, along with other Hearst properties such as The Babysitter’s SeductionSex, Lies, & Obsession, A Different Kind of Christmas, Blue Valley Songbird and Sex & Mrs. X to MarVista Entertainment. Yes. The makers of all my Tubi movies. This needs to get moving because Christmas is days away and this would be such a joy for me.

You can watch this on Tubi.

SUPPORTER DAY: Requiem for a Dream (2000)

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Hubert Selby Jr. had always intended to adapt his novel into a film, as he had written a script years before meeting director Darren Aronofsky, who said, “Anyone that reads Selby’s work can see how intense his world is. He writes the most discordant, angry words that tickle the air with some sweet music around it. It’s an unbelievable experience to read his books. I knew that once I made a larger film it would be very difficult to do a project like this. I live my life not wanting to have any regrets, and I knew that Selby was cool, that he’s a badass.”

Before the movie was made, Jared Leto spent time on the streets and starved himself. The director also asked him and Marlon Wayans to stop having sex and eating sugar so their cravings felt honest. Jennifer Connelley and Ellen Burstyn lived in similar situations to their characters and tried to understand the lives they led.

Burstyn is Sara Goldfarb, a widow who lives with her television, watching it nonstop. Leto is her son Harry, a heroin addict along with Connelley as Marion and Wayans as Tyrone. They sell heroin not just for their own addictions but for the dreams they have, whether that’s to open a fashion store or to escape the ghetto. Sara just wants to be on the TV show she’s obsessed with and begins to diet so she looks good for it. Her friend Rae (Marcia Jean Kurtz) suggests she try diet pills; she’s soon crushing amphetamines to the point that even her junkie son is worried. But all she wants to do is get on that show and impress her friends Rae and Ada (Louise Lasser, the former Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman who once had issues of her own). As the time of the show gets closer, she descends into madness. She imagines her refrigerator is attacking her and a trip to the office of the game show ends with her hospitalized and given electroshock therapy.

Meanwhile, a gang war puts Tyrone in prison and with drugs so much more expensive, Harry tells Marion that she should start doing sex work, even sleeping with her therapist (Sean Gullette). By the time it’s all over, she has a pimp (Keith David), he’s lost his arm from using so much heroin and he and Tyrone are trapped in jail. By the end, everyone is lost, trapped in a fetal position, their only dreams ones that will never come true.

Most movies have 700 cuts for ninety minutes. This has over 2,000 as the quick cutting madness and always in-your-face camera shots are disorienting. Released with no rating, this movie in no way allows its actors to have the old Hollywood addiction cliches. Drugs have never felt this horrible. There’s no fun in any of these highs.

There are some really interesting moments in this. Beyond the influence of Perfect Blue for one of the bathtub scenes, when Sara talks about being old, there’s a second when the camera literally slips away from her. That’s because cinematographer Matthew Libatique had started to cry and fogged up the camera and made that mistake. Despite Aronofsky being upset at the time of shooting, that’s the take in the movie. Also, all of Tappy Tibbons’ dialogue was actor Christopher McDonald improvising.

Aronofsky didn’t want to change the book, as he loved the author’s work. He wasn’t sure if Harry lived or died and had asked Selby about the character’s outcome. The author answered, “Of course, he lives.” When Aronofsky asked why he said that, Selby responded that the character had to suffer more. That may be why the director believes that Tyrone is the only person capable of reclaiming his life. That’s why in the final scene, only he has an actual good thought of someone other than himself. He remembers his mother.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 17: Bloody Murder (2000)

October 17: A Horror Film That Takes Place During a Camping Trip

Julie McConnell (Jessica Morris), Jason Hathaway (Justin Ross Martin), Dean (Michael Stone), Whitney Chambers (Tracy Pacheco), Brad Thomson (David Smigelski) and Tobe (Patrick Cavanaugh) are working this summer at Camp Placid Pines for Patrick (Peter Guillemette), despite killings by Trevor Moorehouse in the past and a warning a strange man — as is always the way — named Henry (Bobby Stuart).

A game of Bloody Murder ends with Jason dressing as Trevor Moorehouse and hurting Brad, but Dean is the one he really destroys when his best friend discovers that he’s getting with his ex Whitney. Soon, everyone is either getting killed by the masked killer or they’re being accused of his crimes.

In case you wondered, does a movie that has a hockey masked killer at a camp have anything new to say about the slasher film, the answer is in no way possible. Bloody Murder Directed by Ralph E. Portillo, who also made Malibu Summer, this film looks ugly, has nothing to add or appear to have learned anything from any of the films made before it and is pretty much a Crystal Lake movie except that there’s no way they were getting the license. There’s a sequel and I know that I’ll watch it because I’m odd like that.

You can watch this on Tubi.

THE FILMS OF ALVARO PASSERI: The Mummy Theme Park (2000)

I used to worry that I would run out of berserk Italian movies, especially when the 1990s give way to the 2000s but that shows what I know, because The Mummy Theme Park is one of the most baffling, weird, wonderful and just plain strange movies that I’ve seen.

Alvaro Passeri has only directed five movies*, including PlanktonFlight to HellThe Golden Grain and Psychovision. His animation skills — he worked on Cinema ParadisoThe Shark HunterThe Wild BeastsAtlantis Interceptors and more — really come in handy here because this is a movie that sees its low budget and says, “We can do more.”

An earthquake reveals the underground City of the Dead in Egypt and Sheik El Sahid get the somewhat bright and probably more deranged idea to take all of the mummies and fit them with animatronics and turn them into a Jurassic Park in the sands. He wants it to be a big deal, so he calls over photographer Daniel Flynn (Adam O’Neil) and his co-worker Julie (Holly Laningham) to take photos of the place, which as far as I can tell is one room with mirrors and miniatures and all manner of in-camera and in-post special effects working as hard as they can and then some to make this movie look bigger than it is while also looking cheap while also appearing to be one of the most charming movies I’ve ever seen. It’s neon, it’s glitter, it’s robot mummies, it’s insane.

And yet, this isn’t a movie made goofy on purpose. It’s deliriously sure of itself and yet unaware of what it is at the same time and that’s the combination that I love more than any other when it comes to weird movies.

Can the flash of a camera bring mummies back to life? Are women’s breasts the only thing that can stop them? Will heads get torn off? Will someone puke up everything inside them? Can a chase scene go on forever? Will there be long scenes of fashion that pad the running time? Will there be a model train that goes through a sphinx? Is there also an evil sorceress? Will the sheik’s harem fight against one another and will one of them also be a hologram? Will there be a souvenir shop that has pharaoh heads that spit out beer?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

I mean, this is the kind of movie where a dude gets his head sliced in half and the results look like those cutaway pages in encyclopedias we all used to obsess over. And for that reason and so many others, this is perfect. Man, I’m still processing this movie. I keep reading reviews laughing about how cheap this movie looks and we should be so lucky to have this in our lives.

You can watch this on Tubi.

*Under that name, that is. There’s also the rumor that he’s Massimiliano Cerchi, the name under which he’s directed seventeen movies including The Penthouse that came out this year. Unless there are two directors and special effects guys who have the same name and I’ve been surprised before and if you do the math, Cerchi was making those movies when he was eight. IMDB used to have them as the same person and now they’re separated, so perhaps…who can say!?!

THE FILMS OF BRIAN DE PALMA: Mission to Mars (2000)

Brian De Palma joined this movie after Gore Verbinski. walked away due to c the lack of additional money for the budget. De Palma got that money, which went right into the CGI, but was already written and the film cast. At least Ennio Morricone wrote the music.

American critics hated it — at least Roger Ebert understood the issues, saying “It misses too many of its marks. But it has extraordinary things in it. It’s as if the director, the gifted Brian De Palma, rises to the occasions but the screenplay gives him nothing much to do in between them.” — but they loved it in Europe with Cahiers du cinéma picking it as the fourth-best movie of 2000.

But man, seeing Brian De Palma direct a movie based on a Disney ride is, well, sad. But you know, people need to get paid.

Graham Yost created Justified and wrote Speed, while Jim and John Thomas wrote Predator. I guess that just may absolve them all for this script, which is so talky and full of jargon that I almost didn’t make it through some scenes. I was kept awake by De Palma’s skill as a director.

Set twenty years in the future — which is now three years ago — the Mars I mission, commanded by Luke Graham (Don Cheadle), touches down and immediately runs into a bright white formation in the Cydonia region which ends up killing everyone but the commander. That structure? Oh, you know, the face on Mars.

Mars II becomes Mars Rescue and is made up of Commander Woody Blake (Tim Robbins), his wife Terri Fisher (Connie Neisen), Jim McConnell (Gary Sinise) and Phil Ohlmyer (Jerry O’Connell). Their ship is damaged before it even gets near Mars and Woody sacrifices himself to save his crew. They solve a missing DNA helix and soon are admitted inside the face, where they discover that humanoid Martian lifeforms left the planet centuries ago but seeded our planet with their DNA, creating life that could one day make it to Mars.

As the astronauts all escape, the aliens invite them to follow them. Only Jim goes, which makes sense as he’s a widower with nothing left on Earth. Also: Gary Sinise’s eye makeup suggests that he either loves glam or is already part alien.

I loved that the astronauts are blasting “Dance the Night Away” by Van Halen at one point but the whole thing feels at once too long and too short. De Palma did what he could, I think.

The set was 2 million square feet and took 14,000 cans of paint to create. Today, you can see the turning wheel set and the model of the ship while you wait to ride Mission Space at Epcot in Walt Disney World in Orlando.

Also, you have to love this in the credits: The National Aeronautics and Space Administration’s cooperation and assistance does not reflect an endorsement of the contents of the film or the treatment of the characters depicted therein.

MILL CREEK BLU RAY BOX SET: Dawson’s Creek (1996-2003)

I know no bigger fan of Dawson’s Creek than my friend Jim Sloss, who was kind enough to teach me that Pacey’s boat is named True Romance and to write this:

Over the years Sam has asked me many times if I’d like to write something for B&S and I’d always hem & haw and then never get around to it. Then came the box set of all box sets, the show that is like a time capsule to the 1990s and one of my all-time favorites, Dawson’s Creek.

In 1998 when this show came out I can remember vividly watching it on my VCR the following morning (because I had to work the night before) and from the first moment of the pilot to the last I was hooked, the dialogue was nothing that I’d heard before in a teen soap. They took a chance at treating the audience like adults rather than kids and it paid off. So, from that night on I followed the “kids” from Capeside each week for six seasons.

Created by Kevin Williamson, the co-creator of the horror franchise Scream, this series is a fictionalized account of a young film buff from a small town just trying to find his way. Pretty much what Kevin Williamson did was pitch what he knew and so he told a fictionalized version of his growing up in North Carolina. The show was launched on the WB network in January 1998 and was an instant hit with the show being parodied on MTV and Saturday Night Live. Their use of current pop culture and hit music for the time was what kept it relevant each week and talked about on school campuses.

During the late 90s, Dawson’s Creek was considered cutting edge for teen angst, touching on issues that were not talked about on TV and even less so in public. The first season dealt with drug abuse, addiction and infidelity along with every teenage boys dream… the inappropriate relationship with a hot teacher. In 1998 that was a huge story arc for a main character with the teacher just leaving to avoid scandal. These types of stories were becoming more and more common during this time and now leads to the teacher spending long stretches in prison rather than just moving on to another school.

Yet along the way these colorful kids learned from their mistakes and grew into functioning adults just trying to make their way. With the main character Dawson Leery, played by James Van Der Beek, not getting his High School crush Joey Potter, played by Katie Holmes, but instead getting to fulfill his dream of working in movies and TV where he turned his life into a teen drama TV show just like Kevin Williamson.

I would be remiss if I didn’t leave you with the greatest quote and moment of this fantastic tv show. In the finale we find our core characters several years in their future living their lives with little interaction when everyone is reunited for a wedding they immediately learn that one of the main characters, Jen Lindley, is dying of cancer. While Dawson is spending time with his close friend at a hospice facility she has this Hollywood filmmaker record a video for her infant daughter to watch when she’s older. In that video one line she says that gets me every time is “Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them, because there’s no better way to learn and to grow.” While she’s saying that you can see the anguish on Michelle Williams’ face, showing the audience how fragile she is at the end of her short life and how she just wants the best for her child.

This show never shied away from tough storylines and in the end wrapped up everyone’s arc phenomenally.

I would give this series a 10 out 10!!

P.S. The popular Jenna Ortega can be seen watching Dawson’s Creek in Scream 5 out in 2022 and currently on Paramount+.

Thanks again Jim.

The Mill Creek release of the entire series has all 127 episodes across six seasons, along with seven hours of bonus extras, which include Entertainment Weekly‘s 20th Anniversary Reunion, audio commentaries on select episodes, a retrospective featurette and alternate scenes and an alternate ending to the pilot episode.

I watched several of the episodes on this set as, surprise, I never watched this show, despite Jim telling me near consistently — we lived in a house with six people while this show was popular, so I have no idea how I didn’t watch it with him — that I need to watch “The Dawnson,” as he put it.

Surprisingly — as I have often remarked about Williamson’s other work — I really liked what I watched. It felt honest and truthful, nearly lived in. I’ve been watching a few episodes a week now and really enjoying the opportunity to be part of the lives of these characters.

These Mill Creek TV sets are great because they really give you the opportunity to do the same, exploring or binging or however you choose to watch. And unlike streaming, they’re always there for you, not being edited or taken down when you’re in the middle of watching a season.

You can buy the Dawson’s Creek set from Mill Creek at Deep Discount.

Mirror Mirror 4: Reflections (2000)

Annika (Kim Mai Guest) watched her boyfriend die, the victim of — you know it — the evil mirror. A year later, she thinks that she is getting the power to wish people dead, all while a homeless man keeps telling her just as strong she is and yeah, he’s the spirit of the mirror and he’s Billy Drago, but he isn’t playing the same role as the last movie.

And his name is Frederick Champion.

Director and co-writer Paulette Victor-Lifton directed and co-wrote this with Annette and Gina Cascone, who were the ones who wrote the original Mirror, Mirror. Paulette was married to this film’s producer, Jimmy Liftin, and today she has directed 17 movies and is an ADR facility supervisor on tons of big streaming programs.

How strange that the movies in this series play tag, if you will.

In Mirror, Mirror and Mirror, Mirror 2: Raven Dance, William Sanderson plays two unconnected roles.

In Mirror, Mirror 2: Raven Dance and Mirror, Mirror 3: The Voyeur, Mark Ruffalo shows up as two different people.

And now, Billy Drago does the same.

There are ravers getting killed by this mirror, which is a slasher but not really. I can’t believe that there are four of these movies but I can believe if there were five, I would be watching that movie now.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Arrow Video The Lukas Moodysson Collection: Together (2000)

Together is set in the world of sharehome communes in 1970s Stockholm. Göran (Gustaf Hammarsten) is the leader but his gentle nature basically just has him keeping everyone from fighting over politics and even food. But when his sister Elisabeth (Lisa Lindgren) makes a break from her abusive husband Rolf (Michael Nyqvist) and moves in along with her children Eva (Emma Samuelsson) and Stefan (Sam Kessel), dynamics start to shift. For example, Göran’s girlfriend Lena (Anja Lundqvist) wants the benefit of the open relationships that come with living in the commune, but she doesn’t want to navigate all of the personalities and responsibilities that come with this lifestyle.

Meanwhile, ex-husband and wife Lasse (Ole Rapace) and Anna (Jessica Liedberg) still live in the commune and their son Tet becomes friends with Steven, where they bond at playing a game where one is Augusto Pinochet and the other is a political prisoner being tortured. As for Eva, she falls for a neighbor whose family shows disdain for the commune but engages in behavior worse than what they claim to dislike so much. To be honest, the children are lost, aliens in their new school and nearly all alone at home as their parents seem to forget them as they try to establish their new sexual identities.

Moodysson filmed a sequel to this in 2022 called Together 99 in which Göran and Klas establish a new commune. Nearly everyone returned, except Nyqvist, who died in 2017, and Ola Rapace who was replaced by Jonas Karlsson.

The tagline to this film, “One house; one revolutionary; two open straight marriages; three gay people (maybe four); three children; two carnivores and eight vegetarians; there’s only one way they’re going to make it… together.” will tell you all you need to know. As for that fourth maybe, that would be the previously mentioned Klas.

Moodysson excels in this film by showing what life is like in a living situation that I will never experience. He shows the highs and lows and the real life behind what for many is either past history or a fantasy.

The limited edition The Lukas Moodysson Collection from Arrow includes high definition blu rays of seven films, as well as interviews with Moodysson and other cast and crew, moderated by film programmer Sarah Lutton. There’s also a two hundred page featuring new writing by Peter Walsh, excerpts from the original press kits for each film, interviews with and directors’ statements from Moodysson and essays on his films from a 2014 special issue of the Nordic culture journal Scandinavica by C. Claire Thomson, Helga H. Lúthersdóttir, Elina Nilsson, Scott MacKenzie and Anna Westerståhl Stenport and Kjerstin Moody.

Together appears as a 4K restoration by the Swedish Film Institute from the original camera negative, approved by Moodysson and cinematographer Ulf Brantås. There’s also interviews with Moodysson, script supervisor Malin Fornander and editor Michal Leszczylowski, deleted scenes, a trailer and an image gallery.

You can get this set from MVD.

Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre (2000)

Yes, before you become outraged, keep in mind that this was made 12 years before Sandy Hook and doesn’t take place in Newtown, Connecticut, but instead Sandy Hook, New Jersey, a beach town where seven strippers all decide to have a weekend party.

Tim Beckley, who directed, wrote and stars in this as Mr. Creepo — he was also that character in his films Skin Eating Jungle VampiresBarely Legal Lesbian Vampires: The Curse of Ed Wood! and Punk Rock Zombie Kung Fu Catfight — got his start in adult, appearing in movies like Brooke Does CollegeHostage Girls and Long Hard Nights. More than that, he was a film reviewer for Hustler and the editor of Adult Cinema Review, as well as the author of The Philadelphia Experiment Revelations!Cryptid Creatures From Dark Domain and a book on Danzig’s bookshelf, Occult Secrets Of The Third Reich. Actually, that didn’t come out until 2017, so maybe Glenn had a different one back when he showed off his collection. Beckley was also married to Christy Canyon, Kimberly Carson and Kelly Nichols over his lifetime.

Sadly, as wild as Beckley’s real life sounds, the movie that he made is basically home video footage of musician Didi Delicious, fetish model Stephanie Hudson, Zane Ka, Persephone, Jeannene Scofield, Margaret Scura and the whole reason you should be watching this, Debbie Rochon. From Santa Claws to Mistress FrankensteinSlime City Massacre and Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark, I’ve watched so many movies just when I see her name.

This is another one and wow, it’s a rough watch. You know when your dad learned how to use the videocamera? Imagine this but with naked Twister and endless beach scene mixed with some bad murders.

Titanic: The Legend Goes On (2000)

There are two versions of this movie for America and you know, that may be two too many. What child wants to watch more than 1,500 people lose their lives? I mean, well, me as a kid because my friend Bill and I built way too many Titanic model kits and used to also build model cities and have natural disasters destroy them and then record audio of dying people in their final moments begging to have their arms amputated. I was a weird kid and even as strange as I was, I would not have watched this movie.

The version I saw of this was 58 minutes with 12 minutes of credits showing deleted scenes instead of the 82-minute long version and I hesitate to learn what was on there.

The heroine is Angelica, the poor servant of a wicked stepmother and two stepsisters who is seeking her mother but only as a locket with a photo of her. Cinderella is on the Titanic and yes, she can speak to the many animals who are also on board. There is also singing.

There is also the ship sinking and mostly everyone dying.

I mean, this movie is at once a combination of Love Boat — many different plots come together like scheming women trying to take the money of rich men and a jewel thief being chased by a cop — and the most sub-Disney movie you’ve avoided at Goodwill because you thought that maybe it was a religious cartoon.

Yes, there’s an evil chihuahua, some dalmations straight out of 101 Dalmations, some Mexican and Yiddish mice straight out of An American Tale, geese, a bird named Hector and a dog named Fritz who has to be a time traveler because how else would be able to rap and completely take over this movie and do a song called “Party Time?” I’m perfectly fine with cartoon animals being able to walk like humans, wear clothes and have music numbers, but I draw the line at anachronism.

Yet more to the point, should children be watching cartoons where people have to choose to die over their loved ones or remain behind and die because of love? As people recorded those screams on the soundtrack as the ship sinks, did anyone in the booth say, “Why are we making this?”

Characters literally walk away from scenes right in the middle of conversations in this. It’s almost amazing the sheer lack of quality on every level and yet that makes me want to watch this all over again. Like how at one point, someone is trying to get an old lady on one of the lifeboats and says, “Come on miss, you’re the last one on this boat.” She answers, “Rubbish, we’re in the middle of the ocean.” What does that mean?

This had an American consulting writer, Jymn Magon, who also wrote A Goofy MovieThe Book of PoohAn All Dogs Chirstmas Carol and episodes of Duck TalesAdventures of the Gummi BearsChip ‘n’ Dale Rescue Rangers and Darkwing Duck. I really want to speak to Jymn and find out how this happened.

Let me tell you how: the Italy exploitation film industry.

Camillo Teti, who directed and wrote this movie, produced The Dead Are Alive!Exterminators of the Year 3000 and the Killer Crocodile movies. He also directed the very late in the cycle giallo The Killer Is Still Among Us, which is one of the sleaziest I’ve seen so just imagine. That’s the guy making a Titanic movie for kids. He also directed Yo-rhad, un amico dallo spazio, a sciene fiction cartoon that has Ornella Muti in the voice cast.

Speaking of voices, Edmund Purdom is in this.

Of course he is.