Only David DeCoteau could make a rip-off of Alien starring Linnea Quigley and Ashlyn Gere* boring. I mean, that’s some serious talent right there.
Actually, this movie feels more like a rip-off of Rats: The Night of Terror, which is another amazing thing to actually steal from Bruno Mattei. That’s like psychologically manipulating Charles Manson.
This was so brazen that the tagline was “Move over, Aliens, here come the Creepozoids. Even if you kill them, they’re still deadly.”
Quigley has mentioned that there were supposed to be more sex scenes with her and the monster, which means that this would have also stolen from Galaxy of Terror.
There’s a giant baby, a mutant rat and it’s the best David DeCoteau I’ve seen and it still sucks.
*Ironically, the actresses switched roles because Ms. Gere, who went on to become one of the biggest stars in adult films ever, was uncomfortable with nudity.
This review is all about expatriate American actors Gordon Mitchell and Richard Harrison.
This review is not, however, about — although it spews bullets and blows up like one — an ’80s First Blood-cum-Commando Philippines war flick rip. And it’s not about an ’80s Italian First Blood-cum-Commando Philippines-esque war flick rip, either. And it’s also known as — to add to the you’re-sure-it’s-not-a-Philippines-flick confusion — Terror Force Commando, which sounds exactly like something Silver Star Productions in Manila would dump into the home video market under the thumb of directors Jun Gallardo, Cirio H. Santiago, or Teddy Page.
But I digress, again. Bad reviewer. Go sit in the “time out corner” to ferment and wallow in your lazy, ensuing and trope-laden self.
So . . . this is where I front-end this review and tell you nada about the film because it’s all about the fanboy geekdom here at B&S About Movies which, in this case, is rife with Gordon Mitchell and Richard Harrison worship. Yeah, I am weird that way, with my equally “weird” reviews. So, if you’re more into the ol’ rat-a-tat-tat plot-spoiler reviews, stop reading here. Then go over to the dryness of Wikipedia or the chatter of the IMDb for your turned-on-to-new-movie needs.
Okay, then. Anyhoo . . . let’s load this sucker into the VCR.
The original Italian Poliziotteschi version.
Born Charles Allen Pendleton in Denver, Colorado, Gordon “The Bronze Giant” Mitchell became the requisite Italian-peplum actor by way of his bit parts in The Ten Commandments (1956) and Spartacus (1960). Then Steve Reeves made bank with Hercules (1958), so beefcakes like Pendleton — regardless of their lack in speaking Italian — headed off into the Neapolitan sunset, with films such as Atlas Against the Cyclops and The Giant of Metropolis (both 1961), Vulcan, Son of Jupiter and Caesar Against the Pirates (both 1962), and a bundle of spaghetti westerns, such as Three Graves for a Winchester (1966), along with Poliziotteschis and Giallos. Did Pendleton-Mitchell do Italian Space Operas? He did: 2+5 Mission Hydra (1966). Did he do Nazisploitation? He did: Achung! The Desert Tigers! (1977). Sexploitation? He did: Porno-Erotic Western (1979). Joe D’Amato even got Gordon Mitchell into the post-apoc game with Endgame (1983).
Then Mitchell’s career, like all careers do, cooled. So, along with fellow expatriate American actors, such as the equally B&S fandom’d Richard Harrision and Mike Monty, Gordon Mitchell headed off to the Philippines to work with John Gale, aka Jun Gallardo, the “star” of Silver Star Productions.
Silver Star is a studio you’ve heard mentioned during our “Philippines War Week” this month (and our PWW II coming in December). All of those Philippine war flicks rotate the same actors, either in new footage, or via old footage cut-in from other films; the recycling resulted in the likes of actors such as Mike Cohen, Jim Gaines, Romano Kristoff, Mike Monty, Nick Nicholson, Ronnie Patterson, Paul Vance, and Ken Watanabe (no, not that one; the Nine Deaths of the Ninja one) “starring” in movies they didn’t even sign up to appear in. In fact, the recycling into films of lesser and lesser production value ended up damaging the career of Gordon Mitchell and Richard Harrison; after a string of plagiarized Philippines hokum, no studios of note wanted to work either of them.
But before he made his way down to the South Seas, Gordon Mitchell started pumping out the Sly-Arnie rips — peppered with Raiders of the Lost Ark seasonings — for the Italians, the Turks, and Germans with the likes of Treasures of the Lost Desert, Diamond Connection, and White Fire (all 1984), and Operation Nam (1986). Then there’s Commando Invasion (1986) for Jun Gallardo.
The First Blood-Commando re-imaging for the international marketplace.
Richard Harrison made his debut in South Pacific (1958) alongside Tom “Billy Jack” Laughlin and Ron “Tarzan” Ely, then signed with American International Pictures to appear in a wide array of peplum, Eurospy, poliziotteschi, and Spaghetti Westerns in Italy. It’s said that Richard Harrison was offered — and turned down — A Fistful of Dollars. And we know that film turned out. However, as with Gordon Mitchell, Harrison’s career cooled, so he headed down to Hong Kong and the Philippines to continue his career.
Harrison acted in five flicks for K.Y. Lim’s stock footage-and-everything-else-stocked celluloid factory o’ sausage that is Silver Star Productions: Fireback, Hunter’s Crossing, and Blood Debts, which were directed by Teddy Page, and two for Jun Gallardo: Intrusion Cambodia and Rescue Team. Fireback gave Harrison a chance to write, under the pen-name of Timothy Jorge.
Then Godfrey Ho came along and compounded Richard Harrison’s career problems.
Harrison contracted to make a couple of low-budget ninja films for Ho. Then Ho cut-and-pasted, as is the par for the celluloid in Southeast Asian cinema of the low-budget variety, Harrison “starring” in the films Ninja Terminator, Cobra Vs. Ninja, Golden Ninja Warrior and Diamond Nínja Force. The list goes on and on of films that Harrison didn’t sign for but “starred in.”
The U.S. home video Rambo redress — but it’s more Lethal Weapon.
So . . . back to the review of Three Men on Fire, aka Terror Force Commando, which is Richard Harrison’s fourth and final directing effort. His others were the Spaghetti Westerns Acquasanta Joe (1971), Two Brothers in Trinity (1972), and the Hong Kong action piece Challenge of the Tiger (1980). In addition to Two Brothers, Fireback, and Three Men on Fire, he also wrote Blood Debts for Teddy Page. And his final screenwriting effort: Claudio Fragasso and Bruno Mattei’s co-directing mess that is Scalps — no, not the Fred Olen Ray 1983 one — there is the Richard Harrison-penned one.
Richard Harrison and Alphonse Beni’s second team-up — down in Hong Kong with Godfrey “Oh, No!” Ho.
Casting his longtime friends and many-times co-stars Romano Kristoff and Gordon Mitchell in his long-gestating pet project, this Italian Poliziotteschi action-thriller concerns Richard Harrison’s CIA agent teaming with a Cameroonian police officer played by Alphonse Beni (1987’s Black Ninja, aka Ninja: Silent Assassin, with Richard Harrison; Top Mission for Godfrey Ho) who try to prevent the Pope’s assassination by Italian terrorists (headed by Romano Kristoff, in one of his few villain roles) during the Holiness’s Central African tour.
Thanks to the international cast and all of the film’s globetrotting between Africa and Italy — and Alfonso Beni, a star in his homeland as an actor, writer, and director, not speaking English — there’s lot of dubbing afoot. And since this is a low-budget joint, most of it is shot-on-the-fly sans permits, so there’s lots of wide shots with minimal close ups, reverses, and close ups that you’d get from an A-List American-made film in the buddy-cop action genre. As with the Hong Kong and Philippines films that damaged his career, Harrison isn’t (at not least here) much of a director himself, as we’re subjected to the same ol’ poorly framed shots compounded by choppy, cut-off editing. In the end, it all looks just like those K.Y. Lim Silver Star Productions of old by Jun Gallardo — and that it was shot in the ’70s and not in the mid-’80s in a post-Lethal Weapon franchise world.
Well . . . eh . . . maybe it’s not all that bad; Harrison’s poliziotteschi romp is just as “poliziotteschi” in its cinematic qualities as any of the Harry Callahan and Paul Kersey Italian rips made in the backwash of Magnum Force and Death Wish. And that begat — with its touches of comedy-dark — 48 Hours, and then, even more action-oriented in its comedy dark with Lethal Weapon, and then, even more comedy-light with its action by way of Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker in Rush Hour.
Harrison’s buddy-cop tomfoolery starts with — as they all do — a villain lighting the fuse; in this case it’s Kristoff’s “Zero” (or “Zeno”) murdering a Cameroonian family for information on the Pope’s visit (at least the cat survived). Another one of Kristoff’s targets is Gordon Mitchell, who’s the head of the World Peace Organization. Now, I was hoping that Mitchell was one of the ass-kicking “three men on fire” — alongside Richard Harrison and Romano Kristoff. Nope. Our “Three Men on Fire” acting as our makeshift “Terror Force Commandos” is actually Richard Harrison (as our ersatz Mel Gibson-Martin Riggs), Alphonse Beni (as our ersatz Danny Glover-Roger Murtaugh), and Romano Kristoff (as our crazed Italian-cum-ersatz Gary Busey-Mr. Joshua). So, yeah, check your John Rambo, John Matrix, and James Braddock hopes at the baggage carousel to Douala, Cameroon: this ain’t no First Blood or Commando or Missing in Action, flimflamin’ VHS artwork, be damned.
At that point . . . well, that’s the plot.
I know, I know . . . another review where I tell you nothing about the actual movie. But there’s not a plot to tell you! Well, what I can tell you is, that instead of the jungle, we are running between Rome and Douala with all the city street car chases, fistfights, and bullets, and a kidnapped daughter strapped to a bomb, à la, well, Lethal Weapon, that you can handle.
Yeah, we know Lethal Weapon came out a year later — so save us the “fan mail” — but this sure as hell ain’t no Rambo romp, either. And while Three Men on Fire is poorly executed overall, it’s still entertaining as hell, as the decent enough shootouts and overseas locals gave me everything that I wanted and expected from an ’80s direct-to-video Z-actioner. Considering Richard Harrison was on a guerilla shoestring and passion-trying, it’s actually better than most films of the genre. I liked it. But I am Richard Harrison biased. Your own Z-action mileage may vary.
You know it! We found a freebie-watch of the Terror Force Commando version of the film on You Tube. And how about that explosive opening sequence!
About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
This shot on video anthology film was chopped up and played in between shows on the Sci-Fi Network, when that was a thing before SyFy. So if one of these stories sounds familiar to you, that could be why.
Vincent Price plays the mailman and host of these stories, as a man opens a package and puts in the video tape that has all of these horrific little tales on them. From a fisherman getting his just desserts to bad directions, werecats chasing a larger man through the woods, alien crash landings, a bridge haunted by hobgoblins, magic crystals, frightening dreams and the horror of living in the city, this movie is all over the place yet not every frightening or well-made.
Writer/producer/director David Steensland only made this one and done film, but at least he had the sense to hire Price for a single day
Intervision put this out on a double DVD with Dark Harvest. It’s out of print, however.
Editor’s Note: This review previous ran on June 20, 2021, as part of our “Ron Marchini Week.” We’ve brought it back for our first “Philippines War Week” of films. Yes. We said, “first” week. As usual, we go overboard, so we’ll have a second week of films come December 5 to the 10th.
Man, this movie has some alternate titles. In France, they call it U.S. Warrior. In Spain, Traición a un Soldado or Betrayal of a Warrior. Greece? O Hamenos Polemistis (The Lost Warrior). In the UK, they call this Forgotten Warrior. But in West Germany, this gets my favorite title: Commander Rainbow.
Steve Parrish (Ron Marchini) was escaping a POW camp when Thompson, one of his fellow soldiers, doesn’t want to be slowed down by a wounded man. He shoots the soldier, then shoots Steve so that he couldn’t tell anyone else. Luckily, some villagers saved our hero and he chose to stay behind, choosing to marry Malia (Marilyn Bautista, Driving Force, Bloodfist), one of the women in the village where he has settled. His wife gives birth to a son and the warrior soul in Steve is content to be, well, forgotten, just like the title says, as he just likes teaching everyone martial arts.
Our hero plans to live out his days in the jungle, but Thompson’s orders send him back to ‘Nam with the goal of rescuing POWs. Instead, he works with the Viet Cong to try and kill Steve, pausing to assault and murder the wife of our protagonist. Somehow, Steve gas a sword and darned if he isn’t going to kill everyone in the Philippines — sorry, Vietnam — to get the payback that his warrior spirit demands.
This movie kills so many bad guys that it needs two directors, Nick Cacas (Deadly Commando) and Charlie Ordoñez (Jungle Wolf). Parrish would return in that movie, as well as Return Fire: Jungle Wolf III, which of course has nothing to do with any of these movies.
Editor’s Note: This review previous ran on June 21, 2021, as part of our “Ron Marchini Week.” We’ve brought it back for our first “Philippines War Week” of films. Yes. We said, “first” week. As usual, we go overboard, so we’ll have a second week of films come December 5 to the 10th.
For all the magical reasons that we love the old days of the video store, there was one drawback. Often, the movie that you wanted to rent just might be out of stock. So if you wanted to rent Rambo: First Blood Part II or Commando, there’s a chance that every copy of that movie may be out. Yes, in the days of streaming, this may seem crazy to you, but you couldn’t always get what you wanted.
But if you try sometimes, you just may find you get Ron Marchini.
A former U.S. Army drill sergeant, a survivor of a drive-by shooting, a martial arts tournament fighter said to be the best in the country in 1969 and the toughest opponent Chuck Norris ever faced — or so Black Belt Magazine would have us believe — Marchini appeared in a Murder in the Orient and New Gladiators before getting noticed in 1976’s Death Machines, a film in which he played White Death Machine.
It would be nearly a decade before Ron became a VHS industry all to himself, working with directors like Charlie Ordoñez and Alan Roberts to hit the rental audience with movies like Forgotten Warrior, Omega Cop and Return Fire. They aren’t good movies, but they’re great for what they are. And it’s always pretty amazing that in the midst of the jungle, Marchini chooses to always wear yellow t-shirts.
This film finds our hero — Steve Parrish is his name —in Central American but we all know it’s the Philippines. Some rebels have kidnapped American Ambassador Porter Worthington and only our man Ron — or Steve — can come in and set things right. This was probably shot at the same time as Forgotten Warrior and even goes all Boogeyman 2 on us by recycling plenty of footage and using it as flashbacks.
The best part of a military 80s movie is when the hero gears up, covering himself in weapons before killing everything and everyone. This movie has that happen twice and it has the theme song play so many times that you’ll swear it’s the only audio in the entire movie. Also, the bad guy wears a pirate hat and our hero has a samurai sword and man, this movie is so ridiculous I kind of want to watch it again. Oh, and is there a part two? You bet! And Jungle Wolf II is also known as Return Fire — and III, depending on the foreign repack.
Yeah, a direct to VHS Filipino war movie was not where I was expecting Muslim rebels vs. Christian military to be the theme, but hey, here we are.
After a battle between some rebels and the Philippines military, Hadji is captured and sent to prison. Somehow, a Colonel still allows him to see his son Basaron before he spends the rest of his life in the big house. He tells his son to always obey the law, trust God and not end up here in jail. He grows up with the dream of being a lawyer and isn’t sure how to deal with his father being released from prison, as the man is considered a hero by the rebellious people while Basaron has lived for the law.
Basaron has also lost his girlfriend Narsheva after Bashir assaults her and then marries her, because their religion demands that a man marries any woman he deflowers. Basaron responds to all of this by beating up his rival. And then a civil war breaks out with the rebels wanting our hero on their side and the colonel who allowed him to see his father asks him to join the air force, which he ends up doing.
Can Basaron end a conflict that has raged for generations? Will he survive? And how does his father figure in?
Director Francis Posadas made 79 movies between 1979 and 2017, including Wild Force, G.I. Baby and Magnum Muslim .357. I have to check out more of his stuff after this, because this is one weird action film. Anthony Alonzo, who plays Basaron, was Sgt. W2 in Wily Milan’s transcendent W is War.
When you move to a town called Lucifer Falls and are warned immediately about Mr. Boogedy, well, chances are that things are going to get pretty scary, particularly if you’re a child. It turns out that there’s not just one ghost on the loose in this one, but three.
That’s because three hundred years ago, William Hanover fell in love with a beautiful widow named Marion who didn’t return his affection. He made a deal with the devil to gain a magical cloak and used it to kidnap the widow’s son Jonathan, but when he cast his first spell, he destroyed his home, his crush and her child, stranded all three of them in our plane of existence.
Now, Mr. Boogedy — William Hanover — and Jonathan are trapped inside the home of the newly arrived Davis family, along with young Jonathan, while his mother is unable to enter the home and ever see her son again.
Yeah, like I’ve said more than once, live action Disney gets pretty dark.
There’s a pretty good cast in this with Richard Masur (Rhoda) as the dad, Mimi Kennedy as the mom and Benji Gregory (ALF), David Faustino and Kristy Swanson as their children. Plus, it’s always great to see John Astin in anything.
Writer Michael Janover’s original version of this movie was called Cheap Thrills and was an Airplane!-style parody of horror films. It was meant to star Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong, but when Disney picked the project, the humor got toned down. Janover got the name Boogedy from Robert Hayes — speaking of Airplane! — yelling that as he walks the ledge in Cat’s Eye.
Fuzzbucket is a hairy creature that lives in the swamps of Dead Man’s Marsh — does he know Dr. Syn? — with many other fuzzbuckets and yet here he is, in the life of a junior high kid, creating all manner of hijinks. And yet I demand that you gaze upon him — he’s invisible at times, so you’ll have to wait for a bit — because Fuzzbucket looks like some kind of naked humanoid rat, the kind of creature that one imagines lives beyond the Wall of Sleep, some Lovecraftian menace sent here to take root inside our minds and then destroy them from the inside out instead of a loveable Disney Channel creature.
You know who is to blame? Mick Garris.
Yes, the man who directed Critters 2, Psycho IV and Sleepwalkers got his first directing credit with this Disney film.
I guess that also explains how John Vernon ended playing the principal. And Teen Witch Robyn Lively being in this. And Phil Fondacaro — the voice of Creeper in The Black Cauldron, as well as Sir Nigel Pennyweight from Ghoulies II and Greaser Greg in The Garbage Pail Kids Movie — playing the monster.
All I know is that if Fuzzbucket suddenly appeared in my movie room, after years of speaking to me only as a ghost, I’d react as if there was no God.
Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet . . . or swallow the gunpowder. This is that one, elusive Norman J. Warren movie that I haven’t seen — and so wanted to. And, in our quest to complete our Norman J. Warren tribute week — and since there’s no online streams of the PPV or free-with-ads stream variety to be found — I bought a beat-to-hell-but-plays VHS copy online. It just arrived in the mail. I watched it. And didn’t disappoint.
Well, it did, pretty much.
Sing it, everyone! He wears a suit and a bow-tie! / He wears jeans and a leather jacket! / One’s prim. One’s scruffy / He’s Gunn. He’s Powder(dah-dum).
Gunpowder is not the action-adventure knockoff of a ’70 Italian Poliziotteschi film that I was expecting: it was the action (bad) comedy I wasn’t expecting. And I can’t believe the guy who made my favorites of Satan’s Slaves, Prey, and Inseminoidmade this. Gunpowder is also known as Explosive Gold (a great title) and Commando Gold Crash (a crappy title that evokes a low-budget Philippines-shot Namploitation flick) in overseas markets, but here, in the U.S., it’s known as Gunpowder — because the two secret agents in this dopey Bond wannabe are named Gunn and Powder. And they’re not named that for the comedy, either.
So, our intrepid Interpol agents (played by David Gillum and Martin Potter; Potter starred in Satan’s Slave, while you’ll recall Gillum from the when-animals-attack classic, Frogs, and the Jaws-rip, Sharks’ Treasure) are assigned by their “M” (which is known as Sir Anthony Phelps, here) to figure out who’s flooding the market with a gold surplus that can ruin the world’s economy. Of course, opposites must attract: Gunn is the dashing, American-bred ladies man and Powder is the proper English gent who files his nails at inopportune times because, well, it’s “funny,” you know, back in the days when insinuating a character was “gay” (for having proper hygiene) was funny.
Uh, dangerous cop? Proper cop? Cue-not Lethal Weapon. And not Austin Powers, either.
But do cue Auric Goldfinger — only not Gert Fröbe, thank you. We’ll take the lower-budgeted Dr. Vanche (David Miller . . . from Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!), who’s discovered the formula to manufacture synthetic gold — and he’s selling it on the open market.
This has it all — and it doesn’t: Two martial arts baddies known as “The Cream Twins” (Alan and Brian Fontaine, if you care) who kidnap a metallurgical (lady) scientist/heiress. A super spy lair that puts Bruce Wayne’s joint to cheesy shame (Adam West would have been PERFECT as the American Spy, here; it’s totally in his wheelhouse). Super spy gadgets. A milk factory used as a front to smuggle liquid gold in milk cartons (ugh), which why the scientist/heiress is kidnapped. Then there’s bad dialog. Failed comedic one-liners. And, instead of bullets: vats of liquid gold death traps. Then there’s the stupid (ugh) costumes the bad doctor Vanche’s minions wear — with a big “V” on their chests. And Dr. V’s bad gold hair. And it goes on and on . . . such as our milk heiress having the first name of “Coffee.” Yuk, yuk.
I guess you (well, moi) have to be British to appreciate this one.
Their Mission: Entertainment. Their Method: Boredom.Me: Re-eBay’in the tape to another sap.
Editor’s Note: We planned this Norman J. Warren week on a whim — as result of our February Mill Creek box set blowout featuring two of his films among the celluloid ruins: Prey and Satan’s Slaves. We just lost him on March 11, 2021. You can read up on Warren’s career with his obituaries at The Irish Examiner and Metro UK News.
After Gunpowder, Warren wrapped his career with the mystery-horror Bloody New Year.
About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
Phew. We did it! Twelve Ron Marchini films in two days. You know the drill! Yee-haw, let’s round ’em up!
Born in California and rising through the U.S. Army’s ranks to become a drill sergeant, in his civilian life, Ron Marchini earned the distinction as the best defensive fighter in the U.S.; by 1972, he was ranked the third best fighter in the country. Upon winning several worldwide tournaments, and with Robert Clouse’s directing success igniting a worldwide martial arts film craze with Enter the Dragon (1973), the South Asian film industry beckoned.
After making his debut in 1974’s Murder in the Orient, Marchini began a long friendship with filmmaker Paul Kyriazi, who directed Ron in his next film, the epic Death Machines, then later, in the first of Ron’s two appearances as post-apoc law officer John Travis, in Omega Cop.
Ron also began a long friendship with Leo Fong (Kill Point) after their co-staring in Murder in the Orient; after his retirement from the film industry — after making eleven dramatic-action films and one documentary — Ron concentrated on training and writing martial arts books with Leo, as well as becoming a go-to arts teacher. Today, he’s a successful California almond farmer.
In the annals of martial arts tournaments, Marchini is remembered as Chuck Norris’s first tournament win (The May 1964 Takayuki Kubota’s All-Stars Tournament in Los Angeles, California) by defeating Marchini by a half a point. Another of Chuck’s old opponents, Tony Tullener, who beat Norris in the ring three times, pursued his own acting career with the William Riead-directed Scorpion.
You can learn more about Ron Marchini with his biography at USAdojo.com. An interview at The Action Elite, with Ron’s friend and Death Machines director Paul Kyriazi, also offers deeper insights.
Ron, second from right, with Chuck Norris, shaking hands, 1965. Courtesy of Ken Osbourne/Facebook.
Black tee-shirt image courtesy of Spreadshirt.Art work/text by B&S About Movies.
We love ya, Ron!
About the Review Authors: Sam Panico is the founder, Chief Cook and Bottle Washer, and editor-in-chief of B&S About Movies. You can visit him on Lettebox’d and Twitter. R.D Francis is the grease bit scrubber, dumpster pad technician, and staff writer at B&S About Movies. You canvisit him on Facebook.
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