If you’re a fan of made for TV movies, the Mill Creek The Excellent Eighties is a must buy, as it has plenty of telefilms for one low price. One example is this 1985 David Lowell Rich directed effort.
Rich directed 113 titles in his IMDB resume. The majority of his career was spent in television, working on shows such as Naked City, Route 66, The Twilight Zone, Mannix and Cannon, as well as theatrical films such as Eye of the Cat and The Concorde… Airport ’79. But he’s more known for his TV movies, which include Horror At 37,000 Feet, SST: Death Flight, Satan’s School for Girls, The Defiant Ones (he worked with Robert Urich often), Telethon, The Sex Symbol and Runaway!
First airing on ABC on January 21, 1985, Rich has a great cast here, led by Burt Lancaster as the publisher of the titular scandal sheet, which is obviously the National Enquirer. His role as Harold Fallen is complex, as he’s kind to many of his employees, but driven by selling paper. When he senses a story, such as causing recovering alcoholic actor Ben Rowan (Urich) to get back on the sauce, he does everything he can to destroy that person.
One scheme is by hiring Helen Grant (Pamela Reed, who was great on Parks and Recreation) as one of his writers. She’s a real journalist who sees herself above his supermarket tabloid, but he promises her a way out of her financial struggle and an opportunity for people to actually read her work. However, he’s hiring her because her best friend Meg North (Lauren Hutton) is married to Rowan, which Fallen rightly assumes will give him inside access to the man he wants to fall down into the gutter again.
Look for appearances by Peter Jurasik (Sid the Snitch from Hill Street Blues), Bobby Di Ciccio (I Wanna Hold Your Hand), character actor Trey Wilson, Douglas Rowe (Critters 2), Rance Howard (father of Ron and Clint), Jeff Goldblum’s ex-wife Patricia Gaul (who shows up in several John Hughes movies), ALF star Max Wright, another fun character actor in Frederick Coffin, Hanna Landy (Grace Cardiff from Rosemary’s Baby), Robert Jayne (who you may know better as his other stage name, Bobby Jacoby) and a small role for a young Frances McDormand.
While you can see where this film is going — it has nothing to do with the 1952 movie Scandal Sheet — it’s surprisingly dark and ends on a total down note, with destroyed friendship, death and face spitting at a funeral. Therefore, this is exactly the kind of movie I love, one that decries sleaze while absolutely swimming in it.
I mean, who wants to watch Liam Neeson fight wolves or show off his very special set of skills when we can watch him as a conflicted priest trying to save the life of a small boy with epilepsy?
Based on the novel by Bernard MacLaverty, Neeson plays Brother Sebastian, who is part of a Roman Catholic institution for troubled boys in Ireland. The boys are taught to conform to society and to fear God, things that Sebastian finds in conflict with his faith.
When his father dies, Sebastian takes his inheritance and leaves with one of the boys, a ten-year-old named Owen (Hugh O’Conor, Rawhead Rex). But he soon discovers that he’s ill-prepared to take care of the boy and he sees both epilepsy and the home as death sentences.
The end of this movie is certifiably insane. There’s also a Van Morrison score. I would have never watched this if it wasn’t for Mill Creek and I’m not certain that’s a good thing.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Robert Freese contributes to many different magazines, zines and websites such as Videoscope, Rue Morgue, Drive-in Asylum, Grindhouse Purgatory, Horror and Sons and Lunchmeat VHS. (His most recent piece, about the 80’s video distributor Super Video, can be found here). He also co-hosts the Two Librarians Walk into a Shelf podcast so he has an excuse to expose library patrons to ninja and slasher films.
In the opening moments we witness Spike “Lollipop” Shinobi, so nick-named for the Blow Pops he keeps tucked in his utility belt between the exploding darts and the poisonous throwing stars, and Steve “Macho Man” Gordon, infiltrate and overtake an unnamed enemy base. Before anything really happens, we learn it’s just an exercise in anti-terrorism.
Spike and Steve make up two-thirds of the D.A.R.T. anti-terrorism team with communications officer Jennifer Barnes. (If they ever mention what D.A.R.T. stands for, it got past me. I’m sure it means something-something-something-Terrorism, but, you know, against terrorism.)
Soon, Nazi wannabe Alby the Cruel, with the help of Honey Hump and her team of ferocious female fighters take a bus of tourists in Manila hostage in exchange for the freedom of psycho Raghi the Butcher and for all the DEA agents in Manila who have been hassling Alby and his gang to lose their jobs.
Pretty soon Spike, Steve and Jennifer are enlisted to find Alby’s hideout and free the hostages.
This is a pretty decent 80’s action flick that saves most of its hot ninja action for the film’s final ten minutes. Although it gets a bit bogged down, it still offers delights such as: a severed head in a box, a rambunctious monkey in a diaper, a growling squad of midget Fedora wearing hit men, 100-year-old ninja pantomime, floppy discs, exploding terrorist and a tennis ball telephone that may have been a special gift for subscribing to Sports Illustrated at one time.
When I was a teen I automatically put this in with the group of Cannon ninja flicks that also featured Sho Kushogi (Enter the Ninja, Revenge of the Ninja and Ninja III: The Domination), and with Cannon’s Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus as executive producers, I’m sure that’s exactly what they wanted everyone to think.
At the time it seemed to fit perfectly into the series of unrelated ninja adventures. Watching now it is obvious 9 Deaths of the Ninja, which was released by Crown International Pictures, doesn’t have nearly the same insane sparkle and wacky sheen of the Cannon ninja flicks. (It’s like comparing a brand of cheap beer with beer that comes in a white can that just says “Beer.” Totally different even though they’re exactly the same.)
Many online reviewers claim this is a parody of 80’s ninja action movies. I honestly never looked at it that way before, but it certainly explains the weird James Bond opening credits montage with a sword-wielding shirtless Sho and a trio of prancing Dancercise graduates, as well as the over-the-top villains Alby and Honey. Even if they were going for a playful Roger Moore 007 vibe, I still think it was played more serious than some want to give it.
This was director Emmett Alston’s first directing gig after his 1980 slasher flick New Year’s Evil, which was released by Cannon. He went on direct a couple more ninja flicks, but this is the only one I have seen thus far. (Alston was the first director for Cannon’s Enter the Ninja but was replaced before filming. Later, in a scene in Revenge of the Ninja, a shadow assassin moves through a condo to find his prey in a hot tub and passes a TV that is showing New Year’s Evil.)
Definitely one of the crazier ninja flicks of the 80’s (right behind the absolutely wonky Ninja III: The Domination), 9 Deaths of the Ninja is certainly worth a watch.
Editor’s Note: Sam loves this flick as much as I do, i.e., we crushed on Betsy Russell back in the VHS days, and he’ll give us another take on the film — later this month — as we unpack its inclusion on the Excellent Eighties set during this, our Mill Creek Month celebration.
Betsy Russell was a teen dream in competition for our teen hearts alongside Deborah Foreman (Valley Girl, My Chauffeur). And with her curly mop of black hair — and that cap! — she was a tomboy after our hearts. After co-starring alongside Phoebe Cates (Fast Times at Ridgemont High) in Private School (1983), she earned her first starring role in the action-thriller Avenging Angel (1985), a role that she earned after Donna Wilkes (Blood Song) turned down reprising the Angel role over money.
You gotta admit, the bolt-n-wrench logo is pretty darn inventive.
Russell is perfectly cast as Tomasina “Tommy” Boyd, a strong-willed garage grease monkey with dreams to become a stock car driver. Daunted by Randy Starr (Gerard Christopher; went on to become Superboy in the 1989 to 1992 series of the same name), a sexy, chauvinistic fellow racer, she plans to beat him on the track and earn his respect — and love. All in all: Tomboy is a dumb film but a fun film, filled with sexism, bad n’ bouncy ’80s new wave tunes, and cheesy comedy — basically all the things we expect from our ’80s comedies of yesteryear. A flick about “female empowerment” certainly deserved better than a T&A Crown International take . . . but hey, us horndogs will power through since we have Kristi Summers (Savage Streets, Hell Comes to Frogtown) as Tommy’s friend, along with Cynthia Thompson (Cavegirl), and scream queen Michelle Bauer in the cast.
As with Deborah Foreman: Russell was poised for stardom, but never broke through. While on the set of Avenging Angel, an offer came across the desk for a role in Lawrence Kasdan’s box-office western smash Silverado (1985); Betsy turned down the part; it went to Rosanna Arquette. Leaving the business shortly after her role in the low-budget actioner Delta Heat (1992) with Anthony Edwards, Betsy came out of retirement to work in the Saw horror franchise (we’ve reviewed them all, search for them).
If you’ve read our Mill Creek reviews — or plowed through the box sets yourself — you know their box sets are primarily comprised from the Crown International Pictures’ catalog; a catalog that’s all over the place across every genre imaginable. Yeah, Crown loved the adolescent comedy-drama racket, in particular, and wanted some of that Fast Times and Risky Business, well, business, with the likes of films such as Coach, Hunk, Jocks, and My Chauffeur, and My Tutor just to name a few. And thanks to Mill Creek, we’ve watched and reviewed them all this month during our February Mill Creek blowout.
Director Herb Freed is someone known all too well in the B&S About Movies’ offices, with his work in the horror flicks Haunts, Beyond Evil, and Graduation Day. The Eric Douglas in the credits is, in fact, the less successful (and sadly) no-longer-with-us brother of Micheal and son of Kirk (Saturn 3).
You can relive the ’80s with Betsy in Avenging Angel, Out of Control (1985), and one of her later comeback films, Chain Letter (2010) on Tubi TV. Unfortunately, there’s no freebie uploads of Tomboy to enjoy online and it’s currently offline at Amazon Prime. But thanks to Mill Creek, there’s plenty of opportunities — at affordable prices — to get your own copy.
While Tomboy became an oft-run HBO favorite and VHS rental, Tomboy didn’t see a DVD reissue until 2006. Mill Creek eventually recycled the film on several box sets: Too Cool for School Collection (2009), which also features The Beach Girls, Cavegirl, Coach, Hunk, Jocks, Malibu Beach,My Chauffeur, The Pom Pom Girls, The Van, and Weekend Pass. In 2011, Tomboy was also released in two four-pack sets with a combination of those same films. And you can also pick it up as part of their 50-movie set B-Movie Blast and Excellent Eighties, both which we’ve unpacked this month. Need more enticement? Here’s the trailer.
As you stared across the shelves of Prime Time Video — or whatever the mom and pop in your town was called — as closing time grew near, you knew that you had to pick a movie. Cavegirl feels like one of those movies that was always there when you needed a rental.
Take it from someone who has seen enough cave and jungle girl movies to do nearly an entire week of them — this is no Caveman* with Ringo Starr. It is no 10,000 B.C. with Raquel Welch. Hell, it’s not even George Eastman in Ironmaster.
Daniel Roebuck, who always gets parts on Rob Zombie and Don Coscarelli movies, is our hero, such as it is. His name is Rex and he goes back in time “25,000 ago to the Stone Age” even though the Paleolithic period really was 3.3 million years ago. But that’s a minor quibble when this movie has a magic crystal that sends him back to the past. And when he gets there, all he wants to do is aardvark with Eba (Cynthia Thompson, Tomboy, Body Count), the Ayla of our story.
Seriously, that’s it. Instead of worrying about screwing up the history of the world, Rex is trying to teach her how to say, “I want you to sit on my face.” He may be evolved, but his definition of consent isn’t. Also, at this stage of evolution, Rex and Eba bam-bamming in the ham is pretty much bestiality.
Stacey Q is in this movie. Yes, the girl who sang “Two of Hearts.” She contributes a song to the soundtrack, “Synthicide,” which is probably the best reason to watch this, unless you’re a fan of direct to video actresses like Ms. Thompson. Actually, that’s a good reason to watch this, I guess.
Director David Oliver Pfeil made the music video for Steely Dan’s “Aja,” the credits for Knight Rider and made the titles for movies like Star Trek VI, Innerspace and Footloose. This was his one and only full movie and he went all out, writing, producing, doing the cinematography and even the aerial camera work for it. He should have realized he was making a movie for Crown International Pictures, who demanded that he insert the locker room scene in the beginning to ensure that his passion project had enough bare breasts.
*That said, in Spain, this movie is known as Cavegirl: Cavernicola 2, making it seem as if it were a sequel to Caveman.
You can watch this on YouTube as an age-restricted sign in. Yeah, thanks to Mill Creek’s box set repeating, we gave this film a second, fresh take on their Excellent Eighties set.
The cast for Savage Dawn reads like a who’s who of people I love in junk cinema: Lance Henriksen, William Forsythe, George Kennedy, Karen Black, Elizabeth Kaitan and Richard Lynch for starters, right? In a biker movie? In the made for VHS rental era? And directed by Simon Nuchtern, the guy who made the epilogue for Snuff and Silent Madness?
At some point in the past, Ben Stryker (Henriksen) and Tick Rand (Kennedy) were soldiers, but today Stryker rides the highway solo on his motorcycle while Tick has retired to the desert town of Aqua Dulce, Texas.
As soon as our hero gets to town, he has to deal wth two members of the Savages biker gang, Spyder (John Lisbon Wood, who was also a mad bomber in Alligator) and Meatrack, as well as Deputy Joe Bob (Lewis Jon Bergen, who played comic hero Jon Sable on the way too short TV series in 1987).
Rand has been living with his daughter Katie (Claudia Udy, Joy) and son Danny (Michael Sharrett, Deadly Friend), who wants to ride like Stryker. Together, the two of them notice the Savages on their way into town, including one of them, Zero (Mickey Jones, who was once in The First Edition with Kenny Rogers before becoming a character actor in things like V, where he was Michael Ironside’s partner) assaulting a woman. Danny wants them to attack the bikers, but Stryker is tired of fighting, like some old gunslinger wanting to hide.
Later that night, as Stryker and Tick drink at the Tomkat Bar, the locals have a tough man contest that usually Deputy Joe Bob wins. He holds his own against Zero until the leader of the Savages, Pigiron (Forsythe), sucker punches him and wins the title and the lust of Rachel (Karen Black) before the bartender disqualifies the bikers. That’s when the sheriff (Leo Gordon, a man whose career goes from The Evil One in Saturday the 14th Strikes Back to the blacksmith in Big Top Pee-Wee, Dr. Warren in Bog, Burt in Nashville Girl and so many other small parts; he also wrote The Wasp Woman, The Cry Baby Killer, The Terror and Attack of the GiantLeeches) tells the Savages to leave town along with the town’s mayor — and reverend — Romano (Lynch). They jail Zero, but Pigiron — who leaves with rachel — says that they’ll be back.
They come back the very next day, attacking a girl who is with Danny, who ends up tied behind a bike, leading Stryker to finally get involved. The Savages end up taking over the whole town, as they’ve taken over an armory and have a tank, and used one of their members, Lipservice (Wendy Barry, who was Linda the maid in Young Lady Chatterly II, as well as one of the girls in Mötley Crüe’s “Looks That Kill” video) to seduce the mayor.
Also, somewhere in here, Zero gets a haircut from Sam Kinison, of all people, playing a religious barber who gets killed when he tries to sing “Amazing Grace.”
Just like Shakespeare, just about everybody dies at the end, but the Bard never wrote something that put George Kennedy into a machine gun firing wheelchair nor did he run over Karen Black with a tank.
Beyond the cast members already discussed, this movie also has Kevin Thompson, who was Ali Gator in The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Hal Sweesy (whose only other credit is the impossible to find Rock ‘n’ Roll Hotel), Solly Mark (who was the samurai in Neon Maniacs), John Stewart (who directed Action U.S.A. and Click:the Calendar Girl Killer) and Bill Milling (who produced 1981’s Nightmare and under plenty of names was an adult director, such as Chiang for the CJ Laing starring The Vixens of Kung Fu (A Tale of Yin Yang); Dexter Eagle — Ecstasy In Blue, Virgin Snow and Blonde Valvet; Luis F. Antonero — Temptations; Philip Drexler Jr. — SatinSuite, Delicious; Craig Ashwood — All American Girls and Jim Hunter — Up Up and Away, Heart Throbs). Plus, you get a Pino Donaggio score and cinematography from Gerald Fiel (He Knows You’re Alone, Friday the 13th Part III, Silent Madness).
So many people I’ve discussed this movie with were disappointed by it. It hit me at the right time, because I’m all about George Kennedy as an ex-military man who has decided to make his own wheelchair of destruction against a biker gang. Plus, you know, I’ll watch anything that Richard Lynch is in. Or, most likely, I have no taste.
You can buy this from Vinegar Syndrome or watch it on Tubi.
Will Vinton is probably best known for his Claymation California Raisins, but he also made this incredibly strange movie with a seventeen person crew, which is an astounding achievement.
Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn and Becky Thatcher — yes, all creations of Mark Twain — have snuck on board an airship that will take the real Mark Twain to meet Hailey’s Comet. Twain believes that because he was born the last time the comet came to Earth, he is fated to die when it comes back.
This has some basis in truth, as Twain said, “I came in with Halley’s Comet* in 1835. It is coming again next year (1910), and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don’t go out with Halley’s Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: “Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.”” Twain died a day after the comet flew by, living up to his words.
There’s also a devil side to Twain, the Mysterious Stranger, and this movie has often shown up in memes because of just how strange it is*.* It also has scenes from plenty of Twain’s works, including The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, The Mysterious Stranger, “The Diaries of Adam and Eve (Letters from the Earth),” “Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven” and “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.”
Not all children’s films are for children, as evidenced by this movie. While anyone in the family can enjoy this, those debating their mortality will get much from this wonderful creation, all made by human hands.
*The film — originally shot in live action black and white for reference, then animated in Claymation, was finished in 1984, but was not distributed until 1986 to commemorate another appearance by Hailey’s Comet.
**That segment was often deleted when this aired on TV, as it was so dark that it disturbed children.
To be honest, this movie is really dumb. Fun. But dumb, in a Lee Majors The Last Chase kinda-way (yep, we reviewed that ditty this week; search for it). Take one part Mad Rockatansky and one part Burt Reynolds. Strip away the story and characters — and just focus on the cars. Vroom-vroom: yer git yerselves a movie, Hoss.
So, “The Bandit,” aka Cliff Roberston (yep, Grand-pa Ben Parker from the Spider-Man franchise), is Judd Pierson, a down-and-out stock racer slummin’ on the carnival circuit-for-a-buck as a daredevil driver with his sidekick, The Snowman, aka Casey Lee (yep, ex-teen idol Leif Garrett of Thunder Alley, who’s actually very good here) at his side.
Then they meet their “Frog” in the form of Dr. Christine Ruben: she decides to double-cross the New Zealand government and smuggle a lethal bio-agent out of a military-backed research facility — and she needs The Bandit and The Snowman. And when you’re hard up for cash, and a hot doctor bats her eyelash-sob story, you take the hook. Sucker. Then nice, loooong car chases — and the ensuing crashes — takes us eastbound and down.
Unfortunately, there’s no freebie uploads on any streaming platforms. We found this extended sequence of the car crashes, as well as these extended 8:00 and 20:00-minute You Tube clips that break the film down into what we came for: the car chases. And since this was a New Zealand-shot film, that country’s NZ On Screen website offers up an 10:00 excerpt from the film. If you like what you see, you can stream over on Amazon Prime.
El Caballero del Dragón (The Knight of the Dragon) is the kind of movie that had to have slipped into reality as some kind of prank by the cosmic trickster. I mean, did you know that Harvey Keitel, Klaus Kinski, Fernando Rey and Spanish New Wave singer Miguel Bosé starred in a movie in which a knight tries to battle a dragon and ends up finding a UFO?
“He was a visitor from another world, an alien in medieval times. So they called him a Knight, and his spaceship, a Dragon.” I mean, the tagline for this movie spoils the idea, but that’s how it goes.
Also — Kinski is pretty much John Dee speaking to angels while the man who will one day clean the brains out of Vincent Vega’s car attacks a spaceship with a sword.
You can watch this on YouTube and tell me if it really exists. I’m still kind of amazed that it took me so long to find this. And we love Star Knight so much, we reviewed it twice; the first time was back in November as part of our 50-film review blowout of Mill Creek’s Sci-Fi Invasion box set. And we love Mill Creek for it.
I am sorry, Red Sonja. For years, I have doubted you. Surely you cannot be as good as Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer. You have to be a weaker sister, I always thought, so I avoided you.
I was wrong. So wrong.
Today, dear reader, I am here to tell you that while this film is not as good as the first two Conan romps, it’s still an astounding sword and sorcery adventure filled with plenty of great effects, well-shot battles and a cast of some of my favorite actors.
Oddly enough, Red Sonja may be owned by the Robert E. Howard estate, but the character itself was really created by Roy Thomas and Barry Windsor-Smith, who used Howard’s Red Sonya of Rogatino as inspiration. But man, those 70’s Conan comics were monsters and people fell in love with the idea that Sonja could be as tough as Conan and had promised the goddess Scáthach that in exchange for heightened strength, stamina, agility and fighting skills that she would never lie with a man until he could defeat her in fair combat.
Let’s not debate how the survivor of sexual assault must pretty much get beat up to enjoy lovemaking, because that’s the kind of complex argument that won’t be solved inside a movie that’s really about stabbing people. I’m not saying it’s an important discussion to have, but I’m an expert in exploitation movies, not humanity.
Directed by Richard Fleischer, whose career goes from the heights of Soylent Green and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea to the depths of The Jazz Singer and Amityville 3-D — not to mention Mandingo — this moves quick, looks good and is just plain fun.
After surviving the death of her family and being attacked by the soldiers of Queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergman*, who seems to relish the opportunity to play a villain instead of the female sidekick), Sonja trains to become a legendary warrior.
Meanwhile, her sister Varna (Janet Agren, Hands of Steel, City of the Living Dead) has become a priestess in an order of women who plan on banishing the Talisman, which created the world but could now destroy it. If any man touches it, he disappears, so of course Gedren wants to use it for her own ends. Led by Ikol (Ronald Lacey, Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark), her army kills the priestesses and takes the Talisman for their queen.
Lord Kalidor** (Arnold Schwarzenegger) finds Varna and brings Sonja to her, where she learns of the Talisman and how she can kill two birds with one stone by destroying it and Gedren. Her adventures take her to meet Prince Tarn (Ernie Reyes, Jr.), a young king of a land destroyed by Gedren, and his bodyguard Falkon (Paul L. Smith, who the handyman in Pieces and Bluto in Popeye). She also defeats the ominous Lord Brytag (Pat Roach, the former pro wrestler who shows up as a major bad guy in so many movies, from the mechanic that Indiana Jones knocks into a Flying Wing in Raiders of the Lost Ark to Hephaestus in Clash of the Titans, Toth-Amon in Conan the Destroyerand General Kael in Willow) before an awesome duel with Kalidor for the right to aardvark*** and then another battle against Gedren as her castle explodes with lava flowing everywhere.
Speaking of that great cast, this also has a third Indiana Jones alumni, Terry Richards, who played the Arabian swordsman that Indy so memorable shot after a long flourish of sword swinging. Plus, Tutte Lemkow, best known as the Fiddler on the Roof is a wizard and The Swordmaster that trains Sonja is Tad Horino, who was also Confucius in Bill and Red’s Bogus Journey. Erik Holmey, who played the soldier who asked “What is best in life?”, and replied, “The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair!” is in this. And of course, Arnold’s buddy Sven-Ole Thorsen shows up.
Plus, how can you be let down by an Ennio Morricone score?
Again, I’m sorry, Red Sonja. You’re actually pretty darn good.
*Bergman was offered the role of Red Sonja, but turned it down, choosing instead to play Queen Gedren. Producer Dino De Laurentiis met with actress Laurene Landon and was set to offer her the role until he learned that she had pretty much already played the same part in Hundra. He spent a year looking for an actress who looked like an Amazon, almost picking Eileen Davidson (The House On Sorority Row) before discovering Brigitte Nielsen on the cover of a magazine.
**There’s a fan theory that Kalidor is really Conan, as some heroes would use “adventuring names” while they were in other counties, like how Gandalf was also known as Mithrandir. De Laurentiis didn’t have the rights to use Conan again, which explains this financially. Speaking of money, Arnold signed up for a cameo as a favor to the producer, but one week turned into four and when he saw a rough cut of the movie, he realized that he was really a co-star. This is why he terminated his 10-year deal with De Laurentiis.
***They totally did, for real, according to Arnold in his book Total Recall – My Unbelievably True Life Story. Neilsen confirmed this in her book You Only Get One Life, saying that they had “no restrictions” in their lovemaking. You know, while some of us debated whether Stallone or Schwarzenegger was the best action hero, Neisen had Biblical knowledge.
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