The Last Horror Movie reunites the wacky lovebirds Joe Spinell and Caroline Munro, who previously starred in Starcrash and Maniac, and makes another appearance for Joe on the Video Nasty Section 3 list.
Director David Winters was one of the few stage actors and dancers in West Side Story to be in the film version. He then became a choreographer and was the first to choreograph the Watusi, as well as the originator of the Freddie. He also helped Elvis and Ann-Margaret dance in Viva Las Vegas. His first directorial effort was the Alice Cooper film Welcome to My Nightmare, and he produced everything from Linda Lovelace for Presidentto Young Lady Chatterley, Killer Workoutand owned Action International Pictures. He also dated Lovelace after she divorced Chuck Traynor. She credited him for introducing her to culture. The guy did so much! He directed Racquet, did the choreography for Roller Boogie, made Mission Kill with Robert Ginty and oh yeah, also directed Thrashin’!
Anyways, both Spinell and Munro are two people who make me love life the moment I see them. The blonde highlights in her hair in this movie got me through the rest of a tough week. This film is very 1982, and therefore, it is perfect.
Spinell is Vinny, a cab driver who lives with his mother (Filomena Spagnuolo, Spinell’s real mother, who ends the movie by asking if she can take a hit off his joint; that’s also Spinell’s real apartment) but dreams of making a horror movie with scream queen Jana Bates (Munro), who is going to be at Cannes to promote her latest film Scream along with her manager and ex-husband Bret Bates (Glenn Jacobson) and producer and current boyfriend Alan Cunningham (Judd Hamilton). She gets a note that says, “You’ve made your last horror film. Goodbye,” and finds Bret murdered, but the body disappears when the police come to investigate. This turns into more of a whodunnit than a slasher, but I mean, Spinell still gets to chainsaw someone to death.
Just like the movie within this movie, this was shot with no permits at the 1981 Cannes Film Festival. If you think it’s not realistic for an actress in a horror movie to win an award, that same year Isabelle Adjani won the Best Actress award for Possession.
The Tromatic Special Edition of The Last Horror Film has an introduction by Lloyd Kaufman, “new” audio commentaries and interviews, the short Mr. Robbie, highlights from the Tromadance Film Festival and a full episode of Kabukiman’s Cocktail Corner. You can get this from MVD.
I just want to know why Depeche Mode is so highly billed and why Lloyd is on this, but what do I know?
September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre, September 19 and 20, 2025. Two big nights with four feature films each night include:
Friday, September 19: Mark of the Devil, The Sentinel, The Devil’s Rain and Devil Times Five
September 20: The Omega Man, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the Grindhouse Releasing 4K restoration drive-in premiere of S.F. Brownrigg’s Scum of the Earth and Eaten Alive
Admission is $15 per person each night (children 12 and under – accompanied by an adult guardian – are admitted free). Overnight camping is available (breakfast included) for an additional $20 a person per night. Advance online tickets (highly recommended) for both movies and camping here: https://www.riversidedrivein.com/shop/
The Devil’s Rain! is a movie that could only have been made in 1975. It united old Hollywood royalty, television stars, the visionary director of The Abominable Dr. Phibes and the Church of Satan in the Mexican desert.
It is not a perfect movie. You can’t even say that it has plot holes, as that would require something of a coherent plot—a fact director Robert Fuest was all too aware of. On the sparkling commentary track that accompanies the new Blu-ray release from Severin (picked up from the Dark Sky DVD release), he speaks about discussions with the writers (Gabe Essoe, James Ashton and Gerald Hopman, whose only credit is co-producing Evilspeak, so one assumes that he is Satan) where they assured him that the script made perfect sense. While Fuest claims that he did what he could to clear up his issues with the film, a movie that effectively decimated his promising directorial career emerged.
But you know what? I embrace plot holes the way some critics hold dearly onto their Criterion collection films and back issues of Premiere. There’s no way I can be objective about The Devil’s Rain! The only box it doesn’t check for me is a disclaimer stating that it’s based on a true story.
The film begins with close-ups of Bosch’s painting The Garden of Earthly Delights, along with the wails of the damned as they gnash their teeth in Hell. Then, we’re dropped into the lives of the Preston family, who have suffered under a curse for hundreds of years.
Turns out that at some point in the 18th century, the family screwed over Jonathan Corbis (Ernest Borgnine, Escape from New York), a Satanist who was eventually burned at the stake. He had a book containing the souls of all he had damned, which was stolen by Martin Fyfe (William Shatner, who I don’t need to tell you anything else about). Before he dies, Corbis vows revenge on the Fyfe family, which changes its name to Preston. He’s been stealing them one by one, selling their souls to Satan and trapping them in the devil’s rain. They then become living wax figures with melting eyes and black robes.
That’s how we meet Steve Preston, the leader of the family, who has escaped Corbis to warn his wife (Ida Lupino, an actress and director known for noir classics like The Bigamist and On Dangerous Ground. She often referred to herself as the poor man’s Bette Davis, as she was usually offered the parts that Davis had turned down. She refused those parts so many times that Warner Bros. suspended her, so she used that time to learn the craft of directing on set. As roles for her slowed, she became the second female director admitted to the Director’s Guild, following Dorothy Arzner, the sole woman director of Hollywood’s “Golden Age.”) and son, Mark (also Shatner). As the old man tells them to return the Book of Souls, he melts in the rain.
So what does Mark do? He takes the book directly to Corbis, challenging him to a battle of faith in the desert. That battle quickly turns into Mark trying to escape, but Corbis’ disciples are too much for him. He shows a cross to the priest, who transforms it into a snake before using a ritual to erase Mark’s memory in preparation for a major ceremony.
Oh, the 1970s — when your main character gets wiped out minutes into a movie because he has to leave town for a three-day Star Trek convention in New York. That really happened, and I have no idea if that was why Shatner went from hero to geek in such record time.
Mark’s older brother Tom (Tom Skerritt, Alien) and his wife, Julie, must save the day. Oh yeah — they also have Dr. Sam Richards (Eddie Albert from TV’s Green Acres) along for the ride, as he’s a psychic researcher.
Finding Corbis’ church, Mark watches the ceremony that converts his brother into a wax follower. Anton LaVey shows up under a hood, and Corbis turns into a goat, which is an event that sent me scrambling through our living room in a paroxysm of glee. The Severin release also contains interviews with the Church of Satan’s High Priest Peter H. Gilmore, High Priestess Peggy Nadramia and LaVey’s wife and biographer Blanche Barton, all of whom share anecdotes of the Black Pope’s time on the set (indeed, it seems to be a madcap time by studying the photos they show, with LaVey in a jaunty leather cap smiling like a child on Walpurgisnacht) and input on the film. He’s nearly caught, but also discovers that the source of Corbis’ power is the devil’s rain, a glass bottle containing the souls that the priest has captured.
But wait — if he has the devil’s rain, why did he need the book? If he came back to life, why does he need revenge? Look — perhaps these questions will derail your enjoyment of The Devil’s Rain! But not me.
During the final battle — the film moves incredibly fast, making ninety minutes feel like half an hour — the devil’s rain is destroyed by Mark, who finds his lost humanity. Then, it starts to rain.
I love how the advertising for this film states that this is “absolutely the most incredible ending of any motion picture ever!” They aren’t lying. Corbis and his followers melt for nearly ten minutes of special effects, turning into piles of goop. It’s over the top and ridiculous and extraneous and totally awesome. I use this kind of scene to determine if I can be friends with someone. If you dismiss it, you’ll never share a beer with me.
Producer Sandy Howard (who was also responsible for Meteor, Blue Monkeyand the A Man Called Horse series) based his whole ad campaign around the end of the film, so he took over the final cut to ensure that this sequence would last and last.
Tom and his wife — whose ESP is the sole reason we can see the flashbacks to know why Corbis is doing what he does — make it out alive, but as he embraces his wife, we know that he’s really hugging Ernest Borgnine! Where’s his wife? Trapped in the devil’s rain, in a scene that comes back at the end of the credits that is harrowing as she looks out into the darkness with no hope.
Is The Devil’s Rain! a good movie? Well, that depends on your perspective. Despite the flimsy plot, Fuest succeeds at delivering plenty of pure weirdness and gorgeous visuals. And there’s so much talent on the screen — I didn’t even mention that this is one of John Travolta’s first films and that Keenan Wynn (Piranha, Laserblast) shows up as the sheriff.
Plus, like all 70s occult movies, plenty of legends are behind the film. Like Ernest Borgnine claiming that there were so many accidents on set that he’d never work on a Satanic movie again. Or he was saying that the Mafia produced the film and that he was never paid. Cinefantastique magazine even wrote that Fuest had suffered a nervous breakdown during the making of the movie, a fact he disputes on the commentary track. And LaVey claimed that he did a special success ritual for Travolta.
PS – Here’s the link to a June 1975 Argosy interview with LaVey during the filming of The Devil’s Rain! where he discusses buying the panties of “MGM’s most famous stars- from Greer Garson to Liz Taylor – with the labels still on them,” being minimized on movie sets and Ernest Borgnine accepting an honorary priesthood.
Here’s a drink:
Fell Out of Heaven
1 oz. amaretto
1 oz. Malibu rum
1 oz. Midori
6 oz. pineapple juice
Pour all ingredients over ice. Stir and say these words: “O Mighty light and burning flame of comfort, enter this body and cleanse it of its unworthy soul.” Drink.
Sept 15-21 Mockumentary Week: “Ladies and gentlemen, by way of introduction, this is a film about trickery – and fraud. About lies. Tell it by the fireside, in a marketplace, or in a movie. Almost any story is almost certainly some kind of lie. But not this time. No, this is a promise. During the next hour, everything you hear from us is really *true* and based on solid facts.”
Directed and written by Kevin Willmott, this is a history documentary in a parallel world where the South won and Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation failed. Confederate President Jefferson Davis got British and French aid for the Confederacy, giving them the ability to win the Battle of Gettysburg, destroy Washington, D.C. and capture the White House. Slavery still exists in 2004.
Sherman Hoyle, a conservative Southerner (think Shelby Foote from Ken Burns’ The Civil War) and Patricia Johnson, a black Canadian, tell this story. In the world that we’re watching, Canada has allowed slaves and even Lincoln within its borders, allowing them to savor freedom, which doesn’t exist in the U.S. It’s also why JFK died, trying to make black men free.
If this offends you, realize something: most of the products in it are real products from American history, as explained in the closing disclaimers.
The film’s website goes even deeper: President William McKinley is assassinated by an abolitionist, rather than the anarchist Leon Czolgosz. The CSA wins the space race after recruiting German scientists after Operation Paperclip. Rosa Parks is a Canadian member of the John Brown Underground. Pope John Paul II is wounded in New York by a Southern Baptist gunman. Timothy McVeigh blows up the Thomas Jefferson Memorial and is executed on pay-per-view television. The CSA fights crusades in Kuwait, Iraq and Afghanistan with the express goal of Christianizing the Islamic world and getting their oil.
The sad thing is, this was thought to be silly when it came out in 2004. Watching it today in 2025, it felt like CNN.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Angel Heart was on USA Up All Night on November 7, 1992 and December, 1994.
Before he became known for his adaptations of The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and The Mist, as well as his work on The Walking Dead TV show, Frank Darabont wrote the screenplays to Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and the remake of The Blob. This film was the first he’d ever get the chance to direct.
Originally airing May 9, 1990, on the USA Network, this movie was produced under the title Till Death Do Us Part. It’s a very EC Comics-ish story of Clint Goodman (Tim Matheson, Animal House), a contractor who is very much in love with his wife, Joanna (perennial crush Jennifer Jason Leigh, the daughter of Vic Morrow, who took the name Jason in her stage name as a tribute to family friend Jason Robards). Joanna, however, wants out of Clint’s small hometown, where he’s content to live simply and fish with his best friend Sheriff Sam Eberly (Hoyt Axton, Gremlins).
So she does what any of us would do. She shacks up with CortlanVanan Owen, a doctor who has plenty of tropical fish that he’s able to extract poison from. He’s also the guy who keeps performing abortions for her so that she never has to get stuck with Clint’s child. He’s played by William Atherton, who is the go-to guy when you’re making a movie in the 1980s and need someone to be a complete asshole.
Needless to say, the bad guys are comically evil in this one, and Clint is the nicest guy ever, until he awakens in his own grave and has to claw his way back. From then on, this becomes a revenge picture and a pretty decent one at that.
This is one of those films that has been long out of print and commands high prices on eBay. You can always turn to the gray market and find bootleg copies of it, as well as the sequel. It’s one of Becca’s favorite movies, and we watch it pretty often in our house.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Black Ice was on USA Up All Night on July 21, 1995.
It’s still early fall as I write this, and the last thing I want to think about is snow or icy roads, and here I am, watching a movie shot in Winnipeg, where huge snow piles are all over the place.
Called A Passion for Murder in the UK, this stars Russian actress Joanna Pacula as Vanessa, a government agent who is sleeping with a married politician named Eric Weaver (Arne Olsen). After they have a fight, he’s killed when she shoves him out a window, and she has to go on the run, as she’s left out in the cold by her black ops boss. The only person who can help her is Ben Shorr (Michael Nouri), a cab driver.
Directed by Neill Fearnley, whose career was primarily in TV, and written by Olsen and John Alan Schwartz — the Conan le Cilaire who wrote as well as the Alan Black who wrote Faces of Death — the main reason I watched this was Michael Ironside, who plays Quinn, Vanessa’s boss who tells her that she’s a loose end that needs to be killed.
Ben, an author who can’t get a break, has to drive her from Detroit to Seattle, all on back roads. Those roads are all in Canada, and man, they’re cold. And kind of boring. There is a sex scene in a rest stop, where Nouri bends Pacula over a sink and someone accidentally walks in.
The real star here is Michael Nouri’s fake long hair. It looks like they threw yarn at him and just gave p. You can’t stop looking at it.
A killer assortment of short films created by returning filmmakers.
The Blue-Eyed Boy & Mister Death (2024): The description for this says, “Losing a loved one is never easy. Losing a parent can be even harder. Will Cummings had a hole in his heart shaped like his Dad that he tried to fill after the Cancer took him, yet nothing seemed to work. But what if every great once in a cosmic while, on the rarest of occasions, Death felt bad for being a jerk, and gave you one last chance to say those words that you thought no one would ever get to hear? What if you could hear that familiar voice just one more time? What would you say?” A thought-provoking subject, and hey! Vernon Wells is in it!
Wow. This is one emotional movie. It made me tear up a few times as I saw so much of my own life in it. Adam Hampton, the lead, does a really great job emotionally in this, and what could have been a very one-note film has so many levels to it. Well done!
Still (2024): A miraculous discovery in the woods fulfills a despondent woman’s deepest desire, but triggers a nightmarish new reality in Rakefet Abergel’s film Still. Obviously, this comes from a very personal place of losing a child, and this does more to show me what that feels like than several large-scale, big-budget films. Just a raw and unyielding look at how it feels to have a future torn away from you. Great acting, outstanding production values and in no way does this feel preachy. It feels real.
Bart & Bobbi Kill Each Other (2025): Bart (Michael P. King) and Bobbi (London Garcia) have lived together for about thirty years. Now, they have had enough. One of them must leave. Or maybe die. Maybe both of them, if we go by the name of this short, are going to die. Regardless, director, writer and producer Aaron Barrocas has done an incredible job with this short, one that combines sharp dialogue with fun effects and plenty of inventive ways to keep things moving.
The Rewind (2025): “Josh is desperate to get back his wife, Nina. He turns to a new technology that allows users to re-live a difficult moment in the hope of learning important lessons. Impatient for results, he soon discovers that Rewind therapy is not the magic fix he hoped for, and some would put this tech to a more sinister use.” That’s the hype copy for this, but wow, what it ends up being is so dark, and the ending is so brutal that I couldn’t believe it. Such a well-made short that feels like it could easily become a full-length film!
Efflorescence (2025): In this film by Sofia Gaza-Barba, LaLa (Susana Elena Boyce) has turned vegan as an act of love to Johnny (Aaron Fernando Deitz), the latest love of her life. But after binging rare greenery at a flower shop to stop her everlasting hunger, she finds herself turning into a flesh-eating human plant, the exact same night she’s expected to meet her lover’s vegan friends. As her mother reminds her, she’s Mexican and eats meat. She’s changed for all of her boyfriends — including a gamer, as her mama reminds her — and now, she’s turned her back on everything, not eating carne asada. Well, not for long. A lot of fun!
Wreckless (2024): At her first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, Lucy (Jennifer A. Goodman) begins to freak out. Filled with worry, she starts to drift and even loses control of her reality. Directed by Timothy Troy and written by Goodman, this doesn’t make Lucy the hero or keep her from blame. It also doesn’t condemn her. It’s a very even-handed depiction of what people going through addiction must go through.
Tepache (2025): Directed and written by Carlos Garcia Jr., this is the saga of Gael (Alejandro Galindo), a legendary medieval dinner theater knight who decides that tonight is the night to win back his true love, the exotic dancer Noel (Stephanie Oustalet). This movie was terrific, not allowing its hero to get away with his stupidity while making what could have been a one-note character, Noel, work so well.
An archaeological dig, potentially the site of Coronado’s City of Gold, does not please everyone as a new corpse is discovered.
Season 2, Episode 11: Murder Digs Deep (December 29, 1985)
Tonight on Murder, She Wrote…
What if Jessica Fletcher went on an Indiana Jones-style adventure?
Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?
Karen Parks is played by Cecile Callan. Most of her career was on TV.
Dr. Aubrey Benton is George Grizzard, a TV movie regular.
Dr. Stan Garfield is David Groh, Rhoda‘s husband Joe. At one point, this guy was on the highest-rated show almost ever.
Raymond Two Crows is Randolph Mantooth from Emergency!
Steve Gamble? That’s Stephen Shortridge, who was on Welcome Back, Kotter.
Man! The Armstrongs, Gideon and Cynthia? Connie Stevens and Robert Vaughn! There’s the starpower!
William Windom is Dr. Seth, as always.
Minor roles are played by Robert Dryer, Jake from Savage Streets, as a guard and Curtis Credel (the Worth Keeter movie Hot Heir) as a Native American.
What happens?
Jessica and Dr. Seth are on a platonic date all the way in New Mexico, digging with the Armstrongs. Joining them are grad students Karen Parkes and Steve Gamble, Dr. Garfrield, who is looking for treasure, Dr. Bento, who is also looking for gold and Native American expert Raymond Twocrows. At night, a Native American dancer keeps trying to scare them away.
The next night, Cynthia gets drunk and shoots at the dancer. He falls down, and it ends up being Raymond, who didn’t die from a gunshot. Yes, this show is a Giallo. Jessica soon shows Seth that Raymond only fell three feet, so that couldn’t be what killed him. It was drowning. In the desert.
The Armstrongs don’t allow anyone to use the radio or go to town to get the police. Jessica decides to look through the caves and scares Seth for the second time this episode, finding a cassette player with tribal chants on it. Someone is trying to scare people off while also leaving relics all around to try to get some more money for the land.
Who did it?
Cynthia, trying to take money off her husband through murder.
Who made it?
This episode was directed by Phillip Leacock and written by Mary Ann Kasica and Michael Scheff.
Does Jessica get some?
I think in this episode, she was testing Dr. Seth to see if he could be a hero and a rough lover. He failed.
Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?
She gets to wear desert dig clothes.
Was it any good?
Sure, it’s alright.
Any trivia?
I love that Raymond ends up being a fake Native American, one of the few examples of evil whitewashing I’ve seen.
Watch when Cynthia shoots at the Native American dancer. Her husband calls her her real name, Connie, not Cynthia.
It’s illegal to dig for relics on Native American reservations.
Give me a reasonable quote:
Jessica Fletcher: Is the weather always like this?
Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Nope. It starts to get hot in a couple of hours.
What’s next?
A former student of Jessica’s becomes involved in a love triangle that ends in murder. Robert Culp is in it, but doesn’t show his dick.
September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre, September 19 and 20, 2025. Two big nights with four feature films each night include:
Friday, September 19: Mark of the Devil, The Sentinel, The Devil’s Rain and Devil Times Five
September 20: The Omega Man, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the Grindhouse Releasing 4K restoration drive-in premiere of S.F. Brownrigg’s Scum of the Earth and Eaten Alive
Admission is $15 per person each night (children 12 and under – accompanied by an adult guardian – are admitted free). Overnight camping is available (breakfast included) for an additional $20 a person per night. Advance online tickets (highly recommended) for both movies and camping here: https://www.riversidedrivein.com/shop/
My teachers and guidance counselors in high school told me, explained to me, screamed at me: “You’ll never learn anything being obsessed with all of these horror movies!”
I would argue that I have learned plenty, and 1977’s The Sentinel would be my doctoral thesis in “I Live My Life by What I Learned from 1970s Satanic Horror Movies.”
Lesson one: All models live dissolute lives and are mere seconds from an outburst; avoidance recommended.
When we meet Alison Parker (Cristina Raines), she’s a busy New York model. She’s gorgeous. And she’s always batshit crazy, suffering strange psychosomatic issues such as night terrors, insomnia and random flashbacks to all of the times she tried to kill herself. After she moves into a spiffy Brooklyn brownstone — because she wants to see if she can live on her own and not with her wealthy boyfriend, Michael (Chris Sarandon, more on him later). Right away, she starts hearing random noises and meeting people who don’t exist.
That all leads to work-related trauma, as she often passes out while modeling and ends up in the hospital. A young, pre-Law and Order Jerry Orbach is having none of her shenanigans, asking if they can just move her and give her clothes to another model.
Oh yeah — she also hated her dad, who just died. Her first suicide attempt came after she walked in on her ancient pa playing with an entire roomful of prostitutes. And it turns out that her boyfriend is being investigated by the police (played by Eli Wallach and a super young Christopher Walken) for killing his wife. Whew! Needless to say, she’s gorgeous but doesn’t have issues. She has subscriptions.
Lesson two: Catholic priests have crazy secrets that will implode your fragile secular mind.
Only one person — supposedly — lives in the building with Alison: Father Halliran (“Skinny Dracula” himself, John Carradine), a priest so blind that his eyes have gone whiter than Emily from The Beyond. All he does is sit in front of his window and stare into the void. Turns out that Alison’s new home is really owned by a secret society of excommunicated Catholic priests — all the cool ones are — and they guard the gateway to Hell. And that gateway? Yeah, it’s right here in the building. And Father Halliran is the Sentinel, the blind guardian of the abyss.
Why is Alison there? They’ve chosen her because with two suicide attempts, she’s the perfect candidate. The only way she can get to Heaven is by becoming the next Sentinel, because Halliran is ready to die, Biggie style.
Lesson three: If you are in a 1970s Satanic horror movie, DO NOT trust old Hollywood stars.
Alison’s neighbors may start off nice, but they’re all demented. Like the two leotard-wearing ladies who invite her for tea, then begin rubbing themselves like some demented exercise video, while Alison just tries to drink her tea. Seriously, this scene — it should be for shock or titillation — but it’s one of the unsexiest, most hilarious, take this movie out of the DVD player moments I’ve witnessed in a long time. Keep in mind — Beverly D’Angelo of the National Lampoon’s Vacation films plays one of them, the other is Sylvia Miles from Midnight Cowboy.
But it’s old Hollywood royalty that you really need to watch out for. Like Ruth Gordon and Ralph Bellamy in Rosemary’s Baby, Burgess Meredith’s Charles Chazen starts nice, but it turns out he leads the minions of Hell. At least he has a cool cat, right? He has an insane birthday party that Alison runs from, finally telling her real estate agent that the people in the building are driving her insane. Again, turns out no one else lives there. No one else but old Hollywood folks is ready, willing and able to help the cause of Satan. Like the aforementioned real estate lady, played by Ava Gardner. Or José Ferrer, wandering around in a red robe. If someone you recognize from a 1940s flick offers you some tannis root, just say no.
Oh! I almost forgot Psycho’s Martin Balsam is in this as Professor Ruzinsky!
Lesson four: If you are the hero or heroine of a 70s Satanic horror movie, you’re fucked.
Lesson five: Never, ever trust Chris Sarandon — not even in the slightest way
Michael tries to help Alison, discovering the big secret of this film. He breaks into a church office and discovers that the moment people with suicide attempts disappear, they show up as priests assigned to this building. What you don’t find out is that he dies — off-camera — and becomes one of the demons who tries to convince Alison to kill herself and bring Helllll to our world. And just why is he a demon? Because, of course, he killed his wife.
But if you’re aware of Mr. Sarandon’s movie history, you shouldn’t be surprised. The guy is Jerry Dandrige from Fright Night, after all, a vampire who literally fucks with Charley Brewster to his face, in front of his mom, before killing and stealing his best friend and having vampire sex with his girlfriend. As if that dick turn wasn’t enough, Prince Humperdink in The Princess Bride spends an entire movie two-facing the titular princess.
Any time I see Chris Sarandon in a movie, I instantly put up my bullshit filter. I will not trust the man — despite the fact that he’s also the voice of Jack Skellington. If you are a character in a 1970s Satanic shockfest, I implore you to do the same.
Lesson Six: Avoid Michael Winner at All Costs.
I’m joking — I actually love a lot of his work despite the slapdash direction and general griminess of it all. His 70s output from Death Wish gradually becomes meaner and darker and stranger, with the exception of Won Ton Ton, the Dog Who Saved Hollywood. And with that movie — and its preponderance of aging Hollywood star cameos — there’s a good chance at least one of them will go all lesson three on you and slice a pentagram into your chest.
He courted controversy (and was more well known as a restaurant critic and England’s rudest man at the end of his life) here by making, well, an artistic choice. Instead of costumed demons, he simply hired real deformed folks to wander around. It’s either pretty unsettling — or totally awesome, depending on your mindset — to see a crazed Burgess Meredith commanding an army of tumored-faced and genetically challenged real folks to help a girl kill herself.
That said, Cristina Raines felt that Winner was a horror to work with. She claims that she was in tears nearly every day on the way to the set and refuses to watch this film, so as not to stir up any bad memories that remain.
If you follow the above rules, one would hope you survive your film plight. That said, the 70s were a horrible time to be alive, so there’s a very real chance that Satan will turn your happy ending into a downer one and we’ll all have to reflect upon it. Oh yeah — and I love this movie, simply because I grew up Catholic and would read The Pittsburgh Catholic to see which films were given the dreaded O rating, which condemned them for being morally offensive. Just look at the notable films so chastised and damned: Pink Flamingos, Dawn of the Dead, Barbarella, Billy Jack, The Wicker Man…so many films to adore!
EXTRA CREDIT ONE
The Sentinel was written by Jeffrey Konvitz, who gifted the world with the teen romp GORP and produced the sequels to BloodsportandCyborg. Speaking of sequels, he wrote one to this movie titled The Guardian (the alternate title was The Apocalypse) and holy shit — I’m just going to share the description verbatim: “She was the Sentinel, the living guardian of the gates of Hell. She was the sole barrier between humanity and the forces of satanic evil pent up since the Fall from Grace. Hers was the most terrible penance of all; chosen for her sins, she had been committed to a living death, a blind nightmare in which the only reality was the reality of her demonic adversary and the awful powers she had been endowed with to constrain Him. Now her penance is nearly up. For Monsignor Franchino, that means the resumption of the most dreadful task the Church has ever bestowed; once again, he, and he alone, must find and commit a new victor over the guardianship, knowing that at every step the powers of evil will battle to pervert the change-over. For the Prince of Darkness, it means a final chance to unleash his minions on the world and begin at last His long-awaited reign of evil. For Mankind it means…The Apocalypse.” I would watch the shit out of that.
EXTRA CREDIT TWO
If you’re looking for a film that hired Dick Smith just so they could push the R rating to the goriest of limits, this is a decent choice. Abusive dad ghosts get their noses shredded, eyes get decimated, blood explodes out of heads…it’s a shame that Smith didn’t get to create the actual demons!
EXTRA CREDIT THREE
Jeff Goldblum, Tom Berenger, and Richard Dreyfuss all appear in this, but blink and you will quite literally miss them.
EXTRA CREDIT FOUR
Michael Winner almost died from eating poisoned oysters, and his estate was questioned upon his death, as it was discovered he was paying for numerous ex-lovers. I think I’d rather watch a movie about his life than any movie he directed.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Angel Heart was on USA Up All Night on August 13, 1994 and March 17, 1995.
Following the publication of his 1978 novel Falling Angel, William Hjortsberg began working on turning it into a film. His friend, production designer Richard Sylbert (Dick Tracy, The Cotton Club), took the book to Robert Evans, who was running Paramount and was ready to make the film with John Frankenheimer set to direct and Dustin Hoffman in the lead.
That option expired, as did another attempt to get the movie made with Robert Redford. Years later, producer Elliott Kastner met with Alan Parker (Bugsy Malone, Midnight Express, Fame, Pink Floyd: The Wall, The Commitments) to discuss him writing the screenplay. Parker also helped get the movie funded by Mario Kassar and Andrew G. Vajna as part of Carolco Pictures, as long as he was given creative control.
Parker made several changes from the novel, retitling the story Angel Heart, including moving the second half of the tale to New Orleans and advancing the time forward four years to 1955, so the story feels more at home in the 40s than in the approaching 60s. He also worked toward making Harry Angel more sympathetic and Louis Cyphre more realistic.
Harry Angel (Mickey Rourke) is a New York City private investigator who has been hired by Louis Cyphre (Robert DeNiro) to track down a singer named Johnny Favorite, who has been dealing with PTSD from World War II. Even the upstate hospital where Favorite was staying couldn’t find him, as his release was facilitated by mysterious people, and a doctor was convinced to change his records.
Cyphre offers Angel a large sum of money to continue hunting for Favorite. The trail leads him to Favorite’s fiancée, Margaret Krusemark (Charlotte Ramplifiancée the discovery that he had sired a daughter named Epiphany Proudfoot (Lisa Bonet) with an ex-lover.
Everyone that gives Angel info — guitarist Toots Suwho(blues musician Brownie McGhee), Margaret, the doctor — dies horribly. This causes Margaret’s father to demand that he leave town, but of course, he goes back to his hotel room and has rough sex with Epiphany while visions of blood drip down the walls.
So — follow me on this — Margaret and her dad were the ones who took Favorite out of the hospital. And the former singer was a sorcerer who sold his soul to Devilevil to be famous, but tried to get out of the deal by kidnapping a soldier in Times Square and eating his heart to take the boy’s soul. Now, in that soldier’s body, he went overseas and suffered facial injuries and amnesia during his suffering.
If you haven’t realized it yet, our protagonist and Johnny Favorite are the same people and the none-so-cleverly named Louis Cyphre is Devil himself. And everyone dead in the movie? Yeah, our so-called heroes killed them all and then had sex with their granddaughters. Gulp.
Although initially supportive of Bonet’s decision to make this movie, America’s one-time dad Bill Cosby dismissed the results as “a movie made by white America that cast a black girl, gave her voodoo things to do and have sex”. How did that all work out?
De Niro’s performance as Louis Cyphere is supposed to be based on his friend and frequent collaborator Martin Scorsese. For what it’s worth, it so unnerved Parker that he avoided him during his scenes and let him direct himself.
You know, before The Wrestler, so many people forgot just how good Mickey Rke can be. You had forgotten to discover that for yourself by going back and watching this for yourself.
Sept 15-21 Mockumentary Week: “Ladies and gentlemen, by way of introduction, this is a film about trickery – and fraud. About lies. Tell it by the fireside, in a marketplace, or in a movie. Almost any story is almost certainly some kind of lie. But not this time. No, this is a promise. During the next hour, everything you hear from us is really *true* and based on solid facts.”
Yosh (John Candy) and Stan (Eugene Levy) Shmenge came all the way from Leutonia to become the biggest polka band of all time, a career that lasted forever until they retired, which is what this movie is about. It’s also, as the title will tell you, The Last Waltz. Plus, you get the Michael Jackson tribute concert that ruined their career, Linsk Minyk (Rick Moranis) playing a series of road songs and an appearance by The Lemon Twins (Robin Duke, Catherine O’Hara and her sister Mary Margaret O’Hara).
Directed by John Blanchard (Really Weird Tales), this story of the Happy Wanderers first aired on HBO. You get to see so many of the shows that the brothers did, like Strikes, Spares and Shmenges, a bowling show, and the Polka Variety Hour. Plus, hear their most famous song, “Cabbage Rolls and Coffee.”
Nearly everything the SCTV cast did was right on, almost every time. This is perfect —a mockumentary that could convince some that this was a real band.
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