In 1926, Randolph (Jeffrey Hurst) catches his wife (Ursula Austin) making love to his best friend (Terry Austin). He kills them, then himself, and remains trapped in the apartment, his spirit unable to move on.

Fifty years later, Abby (also Ursula Austin) moves into the apartment, a place where sex is always happening, mostly between her neighbors Patrick (Robert Kerman, who would go to Italy and make Cannibal Holocaust), his unnamed blonde lover (Nancy Dare) and Lola (Vanessa Del Rio), who is the one who told Abby to move here. There’s also Tess Albertino (Annie Sprinkle).

Abby can’t sleep and magically, sleeping pills show up. She takes them and we see the sky, the wind picks up and Randolph emerges from the wallpaper to make love to her, which we see as Abby being thrown around the bed with no one else there. The problem, well besides the lack of consent in this scene, is that every man who has sex with Abby gets killed from here on our. There’s even a radio thrown into a bathtub which I love to no end. Anny deals with this by wandering through a blizzard before coming home to discover that she has a wedding ring stuck on her hand.

The credits say that this was directed by Luigi Manicottale — when has an American taken on an Italian name, that’s the exact reverse of how this works — but that’s really Doris Wishman. The ghost effects of this movie, the strange snowy park walking scene, the murder after murder without stopping the nonstop lovemaking — this is one strange movie. I have no idea who would be turned on by it and I don’t think Doris cared at all.

Annie Sprinkle recently posted about this movie on Instagram, saying “I was just interviewed for a documentary film about cult filmmaker, Doris Wishman. Amazingly I was in two of her movies almost 50 years ago. Satan Was A Lady and Come With My Love. I had not had a single acting lesson. (Still haven’t. ) I didn’t like acting. I liked the sekx scenes. When I thought about it, Doris was the first woman director I worked with. She was in her 60s and when we shot the dirty bits she would leave the room! The films are partly on YouTube. I was 20 years young and had very bad hair! Most everyone else in the film is dead now. I’m still here! Dori’s would be amazed I’m now still making films and am a Guggenheim Fellow even. Doris is gone but not forgotten.”

The effect of the man emerging from the wallpaper scares me.

You can get this from Vinegar Syndrome.

FBI Agent Harper Winslow (Denyce Lawton) and Detective Carly Lopez (Teresa Castillo) are working together over the holidays to catch an art thief who dresses like Santa, giving this movie its name. Harper has also felt sparks with a man named Chris North (Donnell Turner) who — surprise, it’s a Tubi Original — is also the thief. How does this all work out?

Harper and Carly have to get over their initial distrust of one another and find the art, which leads them to Quinn Carlyle (Kate Watson) and Alex Sykes (Brian Ames). Now, the weird thing is that our FBI protagonist so quickly doesn’t care at all that she’s dating the very same man that she’s been tracking for a year. I guess North is so good looking that you end up forgiving, I guess. Maybe because it’s Christmas?

Director Kristin Fairweather and writers Kathryn Dow and John Forgetta have made a movie that honestly won’t offend anyone and has a little bit of detective procedural mixed with romance and some holiday spirit. They also used plenty of soap opera actors who are quite adept and getting into their roles and being likeable.

You can watch this on Tubi.

You can watch this on Tubi.

I’m trying to put these movies in order before I get into this. The Bigfoot and Illuminati universe would be in this order:

• Bigfoot vs. The Illuminati
• Trump vs. The Illuminati
• Bigfoot vs. Megalodon
• Tickles the Clown
• Bigfoot vs. Krampus
• Van Helsing
• Xterminator and the AI Apocalypse
• Bigfoot Goes to Hell
• Bigfoot vs. Krampus 2

If you’ve been watching these movies, you know that the clone of Van Helsing lives in space with Bigfoot, Dr. Jekyll and Princess Kali. After Bigfoot vs. Megalodon, the Illuminati has been destroyed. Now, another race of aliens, the Atlantians, has called for help as they are being destroyed by a single fighter who ends up being Krampus.

Haven’t seen any of these movies? They’re directed and written by BC Fourteen and look a lot like cut scenes from video games, yet have a very interesting sense of humor and enough dirty words to keep this from being something for young children. They’re around an hour each and the story continues in each movie.

The attack of Krampus brings Aleister Crawley, General Stalin and the Illuminati out of wherever they’ve been hiding and attacking the allied forces. For some reason, Krampus looks like Immortan Joe and you know, the look is an improvement.

I also kind of adore that this movie randomly uses stock footage because you know Bruno Mattei had 5G, he’d have done the same thing.

And then Jack Pumpkinhead — yes, pretty much Jack Skellington — shows up. A Terminator, too. This movie just keeps adding characters and you know, I’m in the mood for all of it and more. This feels like the kind of movie kids really good at editing wrestlers on WWE 2k24 would make. Hell soon has an entire army of monsters and by the end, Krampus and Lucifer have united to destroy what’s left of humanity with only Bigfoot left.

I am left with so many metaphysical questions that I can only hope are answered by the next movie in this series.

You can watch this on Tubi.

This was originally a web series, edited together and uploaded to Tubi, where you will find it and expect to have a real movie but instead be given this.

Directed and written by Stephan George, this is the story of a series of seasonal suicides set up and set into motion by Santa. You can get it from the title, right?

There are a bunch of gorgeous young people in this — Adam (Daniel Francis-Swaby), Lee (Brian Law), Sarah (Khaleila Hisham), Tom (Ciaran Lonsdale) — and some long-held reasons for hunting down people, feeding them snake venom and then killing them while they’re still alive but can’t move and feel it all. That part reminds me of Paolo Cavara’s Black Belly of the Tarantula except that unlike a giallo, this gives away the killer as soon as the story starts.

I don’t think they had much of a budget for special effects because people get their wrists sliced open and blood should been literally spraying like that geyser of a kill in Tenebrae and instead, nothing at all.

It’s unfair for me to judge this digital video serial killer movie against giallo but that’s kind of what I do. You may enjoy this more than I did, as it seemed herky jerky — that can be explained by how they edited together shorts into one longer film, the same issue that Scorpion with Two Tails, a late entry from Sergio Martino that was put together from five 50-minute TV shows — but this just didn’t work for me.

You can watch this on Tubi.

This is my holiday tradition. Watching David DeCoteau-directed movies starring Vivica A. Fox.

There’s A Christmas Intern (with Michael Paré and Jackée, no less, and I wonder if they discuss how no one puts the accent on the e in their last names), A Christmas for Mary, Christmas Matchmakers, My Christmas Grandpa and A Christmas Cruise, A Husband for Christmas. They also made The Wrong… series together, which includes movies about an incorrect life coach, high school sweetheart, blind date, cheer captain, Valentine, Prince Charming, Mr. Right, fiancé, real estate agent, cheerleader coach, stepfather, wedding planner, house sitter, cheerleader, tutor, mommy, stepmother, boy next door, teacher, friend, cruise, man, crush, student, child and roommate.

Mariah Carey only thinks she’s the queen of Christmas. Has she been in Sworn Justice: Taken Before Christmas, A New Diva’s Christmas Carol (directed by Rusty Cundieff!), Dognapped: Hound for the Holidays (directed by Fred Olen Ray, as well as A Wedding for Christmas), Holiday Hideaway, A Cozy Christmas Inn, The Christmas Thief, 2nd Chance for Christmas (with Tara Reid and Brittany Underwood), Christmas With a View, Royal Family Christmas, A Royal Family Holiday, A Christmas Wedding, So This Is Christmas, Annie Claus Is Coming to Town, A Holiday Heist and Farewell Mr. Kringle or has she just put out an album? When it comes to basic cable holiday movies, Vivica A. Fox is the holiday diva.

Writer Jay Cipriani also wrote A Christmas for Mary, Carole’s Christmas, A Winter Wonderland, A Christmas Cruise, Sharing Christmas, Sleigh Bells Ring, A Husband for Christmas, Christmas Land, 3 Holiday Tails, A Golden Christmas and A Golden Christmas 3.

Ava (Anna Marie Dobbins) has pretty much been dumped by her boyfriend Dean (Anthony Carro) for his career. She decides that she’s going to spend the holidays in Tinsel, the most Christmas place ever, a small town that reminds her of her days as a little girl. She’s lured in by an ad that Mia (Rylie Coe) has placed in the hopes of finding a new wife for her widowed dad Mason (Marc Herrmann).

Vivica plays the next door neighbor Viv who encourages the love match in this.

Mason has no lens in his glasses but Ava does have a cute dog, which seems to work into the plan Mia has to get a dog of her own. Everything works out, as you knew it would, and we’re off to another holiday movie for DeCoteau and Fox.

You can watch this on Tubi.