A Husband for Christmas (2016)

Brooke and Roger, two graphic designers in a soon-to-be-merged company, help one another by agreeing to a loveless marriage of convenience. In the process, Brooke gets to upstage her sister who just announced her engagement to her ex-boyfriend.

Now, you may say, “Sam why are you watching this?”

David DeCoteau got me again.

Yes, the maker of the “Wrong” series of movies (The Wrong CheerleaderThe Wrong TutorThe Wrong Mommy, The Wrong FriendThe Wrong Crush, The Wrong Man, The Wrong ChildThe Wrong RoommateThe Wrong Boy Next Door and The Wrong Stepmother), the 1313 softcore for guys series, not to mention A Talking Cat!?! and its sequel A Talking Pony!?!, plus movies stretching the whole way back to Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and Dr. Alien, David DeCoteau has started a cottage industry of made for streaming and small network Christmas movies, sort of like Fred Olen Ray.

This movie strangely places Vivica A. Fox (yep, the very same one who was in Kill Bill) and Ricco Ross (yes, Private Frost from Aliens and Lt. Nathanson in Wishmaster) together as the North Star crossed lovers, as well as Eric Roberts (forever in my heart the voice of Duffy) and Jackee from Saturday night NBC sitcom fave 227.

This being a DeCoteau joint — is that a thing? — you also get Dominque Swain showing up as the friend to our protagonist, Hilary Shepherd (Divatox from the Power Rangers Turbo series), Helene Udy (who was on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman as Myra Bing; if you ever want me to judge you, have that series on when I visit your house), Michael Bergin (J.D. Darius from Baywatch), David McKnight (Uncle Ray from Hollywood Shuffle), Johnny Whitaker (yes, sure, he was Tom Sawyer and on Sigmund and the Sea Monster, but he is also a DeCoteau A Talking Cat!?! alumnus), Galyn Gorg (Angie from RoboCop 2 and Margarita from Point Break) and Laurene Landon (Theresa Mallory from Maniac Cop).

But there’s one big reason why I watched this movie.

It unites Robert Brian Wilson (Billy Caldwell from Silent Night, Deadly Night) with Eric Freeman (Ricky Caldwell from Silent Night, Deadly Night part 2) in one movie. Such is the magic of a Christmas DeCoteau film. They play two office workers who are wrapping gifts and this was Freeman’s first movie role in nearly two decades.

Just a dumb question: Is DeCoteau pranking me? Is this an elaborate ruse to get me to see his movies? Is George Eastman going to play the owner of a lovable dog in his next film? Honestly: What the actual fuck is going on?

You can watch this for free on Tubi and Amazon Prime.

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