The Christmas Consultant (2012)

“No excuses. I double dog dare you.”

These two sentences laid down the Christmas movie challenge from R. D Francis. I don’t want to take the Lord’s name in vain on the day of His birth, but I came really close.

A holiday movie. With Hasselhoff.

Pure cruelty.

Originally airing on the Lifetime Channel on November 10, 2012, this movie follows the holiday misadventures of the Fletcher family. Perfume executive Maya (Caroline Rhea, TV’s original Sabrina the Teenage Witch) and her husband Jack somehow get put into the Christmas stress of having family and clients over for the big day. Luckily they hire Owen (Hasselhoff), a planner who specializes in Christmas parties.

If you’ve watched one of these holiday movies — dude, I’ve watched way more than a few — you know that Owen has a sad secret and that’s he’s going to fix everything for this family.

Director John Bradshaw pretty much specializes in holiday movies now, while writers Brian Sawyer and Gregg Rossen have similar IMDB credits.

If you can look at the poster for this film and not want to slice your wrists with a sharpened candy cane, then you might just make it through the challenge. I, as well, double dog dare you. I must say — it has the worst green screen effects I’ve seen probably ever. Becca walked in, and as she always does, yelled “WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?” This time it wasn’t a naked Italian girl being strangled by Ivan Rassimov, but instead, a horrifying sleigh ride.

You can watch this on Tubi, the LIfetime Movie Club or on IMDB TV.

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